Zozo: Stuck & not sure what to do in withdrawal- Emotional & cognitive issues

[Zozo]

Hello,

This is my introduction to my current situation and what led me there. Hope somebody can help somehow

 

(I have never experienced psychosis or anything of the like and the only issues I have ever truly struggled with are anxiety and an eating disorder)

 

I was on Prozac, Luvox and sertraline respectively for a little over a year (end of 2022 to end of 2023), went off meds for 3 months (beginning of 2024), went back on sertraline  for about 3 months . Whilst I was on the sertraline, I was put on Ritalin for about a month which was a disaster as I was never told how to dose properly. I then went off the sertraline and the Ritalin due to feeling as if they were just making things worse. I was told to half the sertraline dose for a week and then stop. I remained off meds for 2 weeks. I was then put on 30mg of Ritalin long acting, which I took for about a week as it was just not for me. I was then put on abilify off-label for “racing thoughts”. 

Abiding by the instructions of my psychiatrist, I took 2.5mg for 12 days, upped the dose to 5mg for 9 days, and then went back down to 2.5mg due to horrible feelings of akathisia, restlessness, and an overall debilitating feeling that paralysed me from doing anything but stay in my bed all day. I remained on 2.5mg for 6 days before stopping the meds. However, on the last 3 days, I started concerta 36mg and continued that for a week after I stopped the Abilify completely. Strange transition. Anyhow, I decided to stop the concerta after that week as I had the revelation that these meds were doing nothing and merely making me worse. 2024 has been the worse year of my life primarily due to trialling all these meds I have not needed. I have completely changed as a person due to them;  I have missed school, I am an emotional wreck, I have extreme brain fog and concentration issues, and can positively say I experience no joy or pleasure in my life. 

 

From today, it has been 35 days since my last concerta dose, and it has been the worst 35 days of my life. 

The first 2 weeks after stopping, I  struggled severely with hand tremors and internal vibrations, along with low mood and depression. I still experience hand tremors occasionally but I believe they have improved and occur incrementally now. 

The last 2 weeks, however, have been a roller coaster of awfulness. 

I’m depressed, my mood is extremely unstable and dysregulated, I have intense meltdowns every 2-3 days that follow with a depressive episode, I have no drive or motivation, I have awful brain fog and struggle to think and formulate fluid thoughts often, and overall I am an anxious, stressed mess. I feel awful .Not to mention, I feel like my memory has deteriorated dramatically. Whenever I try to do schoolwork or something that requires me to use my brain, I get very agitated, fidgety and restless & just can't process anything that I am doing. It's like my brain isn't working/ is a lot slower & can only handle a certain level/amount of information and difficulty before shutting down! I just lose patience  and can't continue with tasks often. 

I was never like this before meds. I have always been an anxious person, no denying that, but never like this. I am a walking, breathing mass of disaster right now, and all of my issues have worsened since stopping all of the meds, especially the mood dysregulation and cognitive issues. 

 

Anyways, my take from this is that the ruckus of emotions and cognitive issues I am currently experiencing are a result of my nervous system in disarray after going through a roller coaster of meds. I assume it is trying to regulate itself and most likely struggling due to the absence of medication and from simply being put though so much . Essentially, I think this is all withdrawal. 

 

 I would like someone's opinion on all of this. Is this withdrawal? Will this go away? Will I ever be a functional human being again? Is there anything I should do to mitigate my recovery and my situation? Where do I go from here? Should I take any other supplements? I'm currently taking magnesium and fish oil. Has the abilify permanently ruined my brain? Are nootropics a good route for brain renegeration? I'm also gonna see a naturopath in about 2 weeks I think. 

I am really struggling right now and I don’t know how long I can cope. I'm only 15 and  I feel like my whole childhood has gone. I used to be good at schoool & now I can't touch a book without getting overwhelmed due to cognitive processing issues. I'm honestly surprised I am writing this!

I also want you to note that my deterioration began when I started the sertraline the second time (this year). It made me very zombie-like, apathetic, and worsened my focus dramatically. The Prozac and Luvox didn’t really affect me negatively when I took them them last year. After starting the sertraline, my whole life began to decline, and the decline just worsened from there, especially when I took the antipsychotic, abilify!

I just want to feel better and be able to do the things I used to do again!

 

Sorry for this long message. 

 

I hope somebody can get back to me and help in some way. Everybody seems so supportive on this site.

Kind regards,

Zozo

Edited November 17, 2024 by Emonda
Name to title

[Emonda]

Welcome @Zozo

 

So the moderators can best help you, please complete your drug signature by following these instructions. Adding a signature ensures your drug history appears at the bottom of every post, making it more efficient for those trying to assist. This link should go directly to your own signature: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Essentially, I think this is all withdrawal. 

 

So many changes in such a short period of time. It does sound like WD, and it will take time for things to calm down.

 

Can you relate to this list: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Will this go away?

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Will I ever be a functional human being again?

 

Yes, with time and much patience.

 

8 hours ago, Zozo said:

Should I take any other supplements? I'm currently taking magnesium and fish oil.

 

I'd just stick with these two. Other supplements can be problematic.

 

8 hours ago, Zozo said:

I'm also gonna see a naturopath in about 2 weeks I think. 

 

They'll give you something, but time really is the solution to so many changes. There is no known product to speed up recovery from WD / CT from the powerful medications.

 

8 hours ago, Zozo said:

I also want you to note that my deterioration began when I started the sertraline the second time (this year).

 

I have read others say they were fine the first time they went on, then off something...down the track when they repeat the process, the brain says, nope, I've had enough of this. It becomes hypersensitive.

 

Once you add your signature, someone will try to help further. I'll be limited here for the next 48 hours.

 

Emonda

[Zozo]

Hello! Thank you for your guidance. I will do my signature shorty- need to get my prior drug doses first from the chemist so I can be more specific. 

I hope somebody can help further when I do.

Thanks again. 

 

[Zozo]

Hi Again!

Just letting you know that I completed my signature. All I have to do is add the dosages to some earlier dates once I get the old prescriptions. The most recent ones are there though so I think that should be enough for somebody to assess everything and understand my withdrawal & situation.

 

Thank you

[Emonda]

Thanks for adding your signature, Zozo.

 

On 11/17/2024 at 8:48 PM, Zozo said:

I'm only 15 and  I feel like my whole childhood has gone.

 

Just checking, you are 15 years old now? If so, how are things with your parents? Are they aware of your concerns? Do they know you are reaching out for answers?

 

A lot of changes have been made to your medication schedule over a short period of time. This would leave anyone feeling very poorly.

 

The good news is that it is not permanent. You can and will recover...but making repeated changes is not going to help.

 

Are you using any other substances at the moment (drugs/alcohol). If you are, this will not help the recovery process.

 

Do you have any other doctor's appointments planned? 

 

Emonda

[Zozo]

Hello!

Yes I am currently 15 years old. Everything with my parents is fine. I've told them everything I am experiencing and they are aware of my challenges at the moment. They are very supportive and aware of withdrawal and everything. I have also told them about this forum and how I have made an account and contacted you guys for support. I am currently not using any substances; no drugs, alcohol or anything of the like. I haven't touched any psychiatric drugs since the last date in my signature  (16th October I believe). I have taken Panadol a few times due to headaches here and there, but that is nothing out of the ordinary for me.

Currently, I am only taking supplements like I mentioned (fish oil and magnesium). I have also taken a B12 supplement occasionally for fatigue/brain function but haven't taken it for some time. 

 

Oh, and I tried to take ashwagandha and Rhodiola during a really bad depressive episode I had about 2 weeks ago, but I didn't notice a difference and after reading more about supplements on this forum and how they can't help withdrawal issues, I decided to listen to my gut and didn't take any more after that. Maybe for future use if I feel it necessary. 

 

The only appointment I have planned is with a naturopath like I mentioned, however, she is also a senior doctor/professor and I have heard she is very thorough with her patients. I'm not sure what I will get out of seeing her but it is worth a shot. Regardless, I am going to take everything she says with a grain of salt and be cautious- especially after what I've gone through with my psychiatrist. Oh and I can't forget, I also have a therapist, whom I am seeing tomorrow which will be good hopefully. I am not going back to my psychiatrist. 

 

Currently, I am just in limbo. Not really sure what to do with my life. I have missed so much school and I am going to a new school next year and that's driving me crazy as I am not in a place to do any schoolwork right now and I am very behind in my work. It's difficult to do anything due to everything I am experiencing (What I described in my first post). 

I am feeling very lost and quite traumatised.

 

You said previously that time and patience will heal me and I wholeheartedly agree. I just have this nagging voice in my head often that's telling me I'm not doing enough and that I should do more for my recovery. I often have this same train of thought: Am I doing this right? Am I doing enough? 

14 hours ago, Emonda said:

but making repeated changes is not going to help.

Yeah, I definitely agree with this. I have decided to never touch psychiatric drugs again so frequent med-changes like before will no longer happen again thank goodness. 

 

But yeah, all I am doing at the moment is supplementing with magnesium and fish oil and I go to the beach every now and again. That's all I can manage. I try to read my book sometimes, but it gets very overwhelming and I am often very shaky and jittery and struggle to follow the words (cognitive issues). But some days are better than others.

I'm going to try documenting how I feel each day (just writing a couple of words to describe how the day went). I feel like I have a massive cloud pent up inside me all the time that I just need to let out, so I'm gonna try and make a mind map or something when I can on everything I am feeling.

I feel like it would be good to send it on here once I have done it as I am unable to express in words everything I am feeling. 

 

Thank you for replying Emonda.

 

Zozo

 

[Emonda]

5 hours ago, Zozo said:

Everything with my parents is fine. I've told them everything I am experiencing and they are aware of my challenges at the moment. They are very supportive and aware of withdrawal and everything. I have also told them about this forum and how I have made an account and contacted you guys for support.

 

Good to hear they are involved and supportive.

 

5 hours ago, Zozo said:

I am currently not using any substances; no drugs, alcohol or anything of the like.

 

👍

 

5 hours ago, Zozo said:

I have also taken a B12 supplement occasionally

 

Some here say they find it activating - it may trigger a little anxiety. Something for you to keep in mind. I cut it out for this reason.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

Oh, and I tried to take ashwagandha and Rhodiola during a really bad depressive episode I had about 2 weeks ago

 

Keep it simple and stick with magnesium and fish oil. I've read of others who have added all sorts of herbs recommended by various sources...and it can make you feel worse. You may find your body hyper sensitive to anything new.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

I decided to listen to my gut and didn't take any more after that.

 

Sounds prudent.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

The only appointment I have planned is with a naturopath like I mentioned, however, she is also a senior doctor/professor and I have heard she is very thorough with her patients.

 

You just need to be very careful about taking anything new in terms of ADs. Doctors tend to keep prescribing until they find the magic bullet. Some here have described that approach as playing ping pong with your brain.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

Currently, I am just in limbo. Not really sure what to do with my life. I have missed so much school and I am going to a new school next year and that's driving me crazy as I am not in a place to do any schoolwork right now and I am very behind in my work. It's difficult to do anything due to everything I am experiencing (What I described in my first post). 

I am feeling very lost and quite traumatised.

 

Be kind and patient to yourself. You are young and will bounce back from this. Just accept it will take some time...and that's ok.

 

Here's a quote I read the other day: Recovery is not a race. You don't have to feel guilty if it takes you longer than you thought it would.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

You said previously that time and patience will heal me and I wholeheartedly agree. I just have this nagging voice in my head often that's telling me I'm not doing enough and that I should do more for my recovery. I often have this same train of thought: Am I doing this right? Am I doing enough? 

 

Time + patience are your friends on this journey. You can't speed up the process.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

I go to the beach every now and again. That's all I can manage.

 

Small steps.

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

I'm going to try documenting how I feel each day (just writing a couple of words to describe how the day went).

 

6 hours ago, Zozo said:

I feel like it would be good to send it on here once I have done it as I am unable to express in words everything I am feeling. 

 

 

I do something similar in an offline diary. Others journal here in their own topic.

 

Keep us posted.

 

Emonda

 

 

[Zozo]

Hello!

Thanks for the reply.

I'm going to stick with the time & patience approach to this recovery process and I will keep you posted on here as I progress along my journey. I have heard about hypersensitivity which is one of the reasons that turned me off from continuing to take them (to avoid any bad reactions). 

In terms of supplements, I was having a look at my magnesium supplement and it does have a variety of other vitamins in there as well (I hope that's ok).

If you want to have a look at the one I am taking, it is from the brand Metagenics and it is called CalmX. 

Thank you for everything again. I really appreciate this support community. 

 

Zozo 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Emonda]

34 minutes ago, Zozo said:

I'm going to stick with the time & patience approach to this recovery process

 

👍

 

You should read this. Be prepared for good days and not so good days: Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

35 minutes ago, Zozo said:

I will keep you posted on here as I progress along my journey.

 

Others will benefit from you sharing your story. I'm sure someone else will drop by and say hi at some stage as well.

 

37 minutes ago, Zozo said:

it does have a variety of other vitamins in there as well (I hope that's ok).

 

I just had a look at the ingredients. Yes, it does have a few extras - I'd just stick to magnesium. This brand just has magnesium: https://swisse.com.au/swisse-ultiboost-magnesium?srsltid=AfmBOopMiM3fBuEuVZCN4d44HqSAPtt9Q7Ejyqy1epaGoNCJXr0llFfL. You can normally find it half price at Coles / Woolworths in Australia.

 

Emonda

[Zozo]

Thank You!

I will have a look at that article about the windows and waves. I have noticed that I go through periods where I feel better, and periods where it feels like  I have just taken a nose-dive, so I can definitely relate to that. 

I know about Swisse vitamins. I used to take a multivitamin from them. 

I think I might continue the one I am taking now just to finish what I have left- I don't think anything will happen. I'll take a look at the Swisse one after that, or I might just get it sooner. 

 

I'll update as I go along. 

 

Zozo

[Tuikea]

I just want to say Hi and give you a virtual hug 🫂 

Please don't worry about your school work right now the only thing that matters is you and your recovery.

I try to go for a walk everyday it helps get rid of anxiety for me even if I do nothing for the rest of the day.

A good understanding of withdrawal symptoms has help me to accept what is happening to me. It doesn't make it any less scary but knowledge is good.

They say the same about anxiety try to accept it not fight it.

Try asking yourself why you are anxious if you are like me there is no reason to have anxiety apart from what you create in your own thoughts, so just accept it and distract your attention onto something else.

If you can't read a book at the moment use audio books they are great for keeping yourself occupied.

Just know you are loved dearly and you matter, you will get through this and with your life ahead of you one day you will look back and see how strong it has made you.

Heaps of Hugs

[Jane318]

18 hours ago, Zozo said:

The only appointment I have planned is with a naturopath like I mentioned

Just a caution from me on this - While in US anyway, naturopaths cannot prescribe psychoactive drugs, they do tend to recommend a lot of supplements and/or detox regimens.  These can be problematic in withdrawal as well.

[Zozo]

Thank you Tuikea for your support.

It means so much to me to have others who understand what I am going through. Giving you a virtual hug too!

Knowing that what I am going through is withdrawal helps so much and enables me to not be so hard on myself. I feel a lot more hopeful upon interacting with you guys on this forum. With regards to schoolwork- I am going to wait everything out and do what I can manage given the brain fog, cognitive overwhelm, and restlessness that comes when I try to do work. 

Daily, I remind myself that time and patience will heal me. Saying this to myself gives me comfort. I'm just doing what I can manage at the moment. 

 

13 hours ago, Tuikea said:

A good understanding of withdrawal symptoms has help me to accept what is happening to me. It doesn't make it any less scary but knowledge is good.

This is what is really keeping me going- Understanding that many of the symptoms I am experiencing are withdrawal and that they are only temporary. 

 

13 hours ago, Tuikea said:

I try to go for a walk everyday it helps get rid of anxiety for me even if I do nothing for the rest of the day.

Doing this helps me a lot too. I also frequent the beach, which helps me clear my head as well. Just simple self-soothing activities like these help heaps. 

 

13 hours ago, Tuikea said:

Just know you are loved dearly and you matter, you will get through this and with your life ahead of you one day you will look back and see how strong it has made you.

Very kind of you to say this- I'm going to continue to have hope and come out of this stronger than before.

 

I think at the moment I am experiencing a window- the last couple of days I have felt more alive and hopeful despite my symptoms. Talking to you guys has really given me hope. This week has been way better compared to the week before. 

 

5 hours ago, Jane318 said:

Just a caution from me on this - While in US anyway, naturopaths cannot prescribe psychoactive drugs, they do tend to recommend a lot of supplements and/or detox regimens.  These can be problematic in withdrawal as well.

Here in Aus, naturopaths can't prescribe psychoactive drugs either, just herbs and supplements. I did try ashwagandha and Rhodiola about 2 weeks ago for maybe 4 days but stopped upon reading that your body can be sensitive to many substances during withdrawal.  I've told my mum that even though I'm going to see the naturopath, I don't want to take anything at the moment. Thank you for this advice, it is very valuable. 

 

My Plan:

- Accept that what I am going through (tremors, cognitive issues, emotional instability & mood swings,  sporadic restlessness, jitters, overwhelm etc..) is withdrawal and that it is not permanent

- Self-soothing activities (beach, walks, movies, dinners with family, stretching..etc)

- Only do what I can manage and slowly get back into things at my own pace and as my symptoms lessen over time

-  Taking my supplements (magnesium + fish-oil)

- Seeing my therapist

- Documenting how each day goes in a notebook

- Updating you guys on this post

 

I'm very grateful to have you guys here supporting me; it has lifted my spirits. 

Glad to be on this journey together with all of you. 

 

Zozo

 

 

 

[Tuikea]

I got wet on my walk today it poured down 🤣

Here is something else I do most mornings before I get out of bed.

 

 

[Zozo]

Hello!

I'm so sorry you got wet on your walk. The weather isn't great where I am either.

Thank you for the video recommendation- I'll definitely try it out.

Sending Well Wishes!

 

Zozo

 

[Zozo]

Welcome to a very long rant on something that has been on my mind and is eating it alive! (hopefully not literally)

 

This is for my own processing...but I'm hoping someone can give me their opinion on this as well. 

 

So I had a bit of a revelation and I can express more cohesively what happens when I often try to do tasks that require mental effort/ require me to sit down and focus. 

 

I was reading an article earlier today and managed to read most of it before feeling very restless and fidgety. It was kinda like my brain was putting up a wall and I could no longer focus and think straight or process any information. Sometimes this happens immediately when I try to focus or do schoolwork, which causes me to not do anything, and other times I am able to do something for a bit, and then it just hits me. When it happens, I sometimes get out of breath (like an anxiety attack but not really) and feel on edge. Like an overwhelm-type of feeling that makes me very uncomfortable and want to stop doing whatever I am doing. 

It could be information overload or over-stimulation. Not sure.

Maybe my brain has a more limited capacity for how much it can take in at a time/how long it can stay focused for??

 

I'm not exactly sure when this started. I haven't been able to do tasks/schoolwork for a while due what's happened this year with all the medications, but recently (I believe since stopping meds) it has gotten more prominent. When I was on the Abilify, I had similar struggles and couldn't do basically anything due to this feeling of constantly being rushed/no patience/restlessness (I believe this is called akathisia). I had awful focus too on the drug. 

 

Maybe what I am experiencing is an after-effect of the drug coming out of my system/withdrawal.

 

Another explanation I have is that maybe this occurs because my brain is struggling to process and understand information at the same speed it used to (possible cognitive issues from antipsychotic Abilify)  so as a result I become anxious, restless and on-edge because I can't understand my work and complete it. 

I've read about antipsychotics and how they can cause brain shrinkage and IQ loss and it has been playing up in my head the last couple of days quite often. It worries me. But....I have also read that people usually experience cognitive issues, brain fog and memory issues as a result of withdrawal and then they can get back to themselves again as withdrawal gets better.

 

I guess I'm just trying to understand what I am experiencing. Is it withdrawal? Yes most likely. Has my brain shrunk and has its cognition suffered from my use of an antipsychotic? I don't know.

But I'm sure there's light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe neuroplasticity will help my brain grow the brain cells it has lost. 

 

Oh, and I've also noticed that I get more confused with English grammar and don't know when things make sense anymore. Instead of everything flowing when I am writing, I get confused and often don't know whether to use 'on', 'in', 'of', 'for'. I am constantly questioning this and I've been using ChatGPT sooo much to help me write. This definitely started when I came off the meds. I also struggle a lot to articulate during conversations so I often don't talk to avoid saying something jibberish. 

I guess this is why I am struggling to read. My brain just isn't understanding the same way it used to. 

 

Summary of this rant:  Im scared my IQ Is lower than it used to be and I'm trying not to be but I am worried. I really yearn to be able to just sit down and focus and do work without all of this because I do love to learn.. I just can't right now and I know this is most likey withdrawal and that time and patience will heal this like I've been telling myself...but it still hurts to struggle with things that used to be easier. 

 

I really needed to let this out. 

Zozo

[Emonda]

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

recently (I believe since stopping meds) it has gotten more prominent.

 

This suggests stock standard WD to me.

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Maybe what I am experiencing is an after-effect of the drug coming out of my system/withdrawal.

 

I reckon you're right. Time + patience, and you'll bounce back.

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Has my brain shrunk and has its cognition suffered from my use of an antipsychotic? I don't know.

 

I used to worry about all sorts of scenarios. Have I done permanent damage etc. What I can tell you is that at more than 3 times your age, I, too, am bouncing back from ADs.

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

I've also noticed that I get more confused with English grammar and don't know when things make sense anymore.

 

Never been my strength 🤷‍♂️ Your writing seems perfectly fine and well considered to me.

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

I am constantly questioning this and I've been using ChatGPT sooo much to help me write.

 

It's not just you doing this. My kids are using it all the time and have no experience with ADs. ChatGPT seems to be a generational thing...it's not for me.

 

7 hours ago, Zozo said:

Im scared my IQ Is lower than it used to be and I'm trying not to be but I am worried.

 

Why not have a read of some of the success stories. Plenty have been through the wringer with these drugs and have fully recovered. You will too, (you know what I'm going to say next) with time + patience ☺️

 

Emonda

[Zozo]

Hello!

Thank you for this.

Just reading these words comforts me and makes me feel much lighter. For a little while, I'll probably need frequent affirmation during these early stages.

Reading success stories wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

I will be updating frequently. 

 

Zozo  

 

 

 

[Zozo]

Hello!

Just a quick update on the last couple of days. 

 

Overall, I've felt more hopeful, and I haven't allowed my symptoms to get in the way of my feelings as much. I've gone to the beach happily a couple of times this week and I've read my book a bit more despite that I find it quite hard to do so sometimes. I've also tried to incorporate some more exercise and stretching in my routine, which I moderately did last week.

 

I also want to say a big thank you to Emonda and everybody else I've encountered here as you all have really changed my outlook on what I have experienced and have given me hope that there is light at the end of all this hardship. It's been easier to accept my struggles and to strive to move forward.

 

In terms of symptoms, I have been slightly more snappy and agitated lately, and I've noticed my hand tremors, internal jitteriness and shakiness a lot more this last week. I hope these symptoms will ease as they put me on edge and make it hard to relax and paint (one of my hobbies before I got very unwell) as my hands are very unsteady. I'm going to see if I notice a pattern of when these shakes occur to ensure I'm not doing anything to trigger them. When I feel this way, it's like I have had too much caffeine (even though I haven't had any). I feel very restless. 

 

On the other hand, I haven't had a meltdown in over a week, which is a new record for me! Hoping I can continue this streak. 

I'm hoping the next few days will be stable as I have to go back to school for a drama performance and because it is my second last week. 

Wish me luck!

 

Hope everybody else is well.

 

Zozo

 

[Emonda]

This all sounds encouraging 👍

 

On 11/24/2024 at 7:57 PM, Zozo said:

It's been easier to accept my struggles and to strive to move forward.

 

When you learn that it's not you, it's the drugs / WD, that can give you a real boost. It certainly did for me.

 

On 11/24/2024 at 7:57 PM, Zozo said:

In terms of symptoms, I have been slightly more snappy and agitated lately, and I've noticed my hand tremors, internal jitteriness and shakiness a lot more this last week.

 

All pretty common. I have my moments, too.

 

On 11/24/2024 at 7:57 PM, Zozo said:

On the other hand, I haven't had a meltdown in over a week,

 

We need to celebrate any positive on this journey!

 

Being a teenager can be tough at times...then add in WD 🤯

 

You're doing great.

[Zozo]

Hello!

I'm definitely going to celebrate and acknowledge the times when I feel better and more positive.

Thank you for these encouraging words.

I truly agree with that line about being a teenager- it's already super hard, but when you add WD, well...yeah then it becomes a real mess.

I've been very emotional today and quite anxious, but I'm just going to ride through it as I know I'm going to have bad days. 

I will keep on updating.

Thanks for the ongoing support—I can't even express how much it means to me during this time.

 

Zozo

 

 

 

[Jane318]

@Zozo - I am amazed at your writing skills and your insight, for one so young.  This is a horrible time for you and I get so angry that doctors prescribe these powerful drugs to young people.  But you also have a young, robust body, and so will heal more quickly I hope, and you have learned this lesson early in your life.  I commend you for choosing to embark on this journey, I know you will succeed!  And having accomplished this should prove to you that you can overcome life's challenges without psychotropic drugs!  Best wishes.

[Tuikea]

I agree those writing skill are amazing 👏 maybe something to develop for future employment.

Can you post a photo of your beach would love to see.

I bet your looking forward to the holiday's.

[Zozo]

Thank you, Jane and Tuikea for your understanding and support.

I'm happy to be on this journey of navigating life without drugs, and yes, I have learnt a valuable lesson that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. 

This is a difficult thing to go through, but having you guys here on this forum helps tremendously. 

 

I tried to attach a photo of my beach, but it exceeded the kB limit. I'll see what I can do. 

Yes, I am very excited about the summer holidays!

 

Very grateful for the encouragement and support.

 

Zozo

 

[Tuikea]

My two puppies are 2 today, we live full time on the road in our motorhome.

[Zozo]

Wow!

Living in a motorhome is sooo cool! 

They are adorable  

[Zozo]

I'm in a bit of a mess right now mentally and I'm trying not to go insane. I'm possibly catastrophising, but then again...

 

Just some history of my supplement usage:

After I stopped meds, maybe a week or so after (not exactly sure), I started taking a magnesium supplement without realising it has many other vitamins in there as well (mentioned this before, but the brand is Metagenics and the product is called CalmX). 

 

I have also taken other supplements that I have mentioned earlier, but this is the one I am concerned about currently. 

 

I took it for about a month (until no powder was left). I took it twice a day, morning and night. I then stopped for about a week due to running out and recently reinstated it, maybe like 5 days ago and have only been taking it once a day in the afternoon (down to 25mg B6 instead of 50mg).

 

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is that when I was taking it twice a day, I was consuming 50mg of b6. This is severely over the recommended daily amount and is enough to give you B6 toxicity. B6 toxicity can cause many symptoms, especially peripheral neuropathy. It is neurotoxic when taken in excessive amounts and can make your nervous system very sensitive. 

I have experienced and am currently experiencing a variety of the symptoms that others who have B6 toxicity also experience (I have read many posts on Reddit about others who have B6 toxicity and about their symptoms and I can relate to many of them)

 

These are the symptoms I have currently and deal with daily (I have discussed these before but have only related them to withdrawal):

- hand tremors & twitches, unsteady hands

- internal vibrations & buzzy feelings throughout my body

- Hand weakness & weird sensations in my hands or only in my right hand sometimes (it is hard to describe this one. It kind of feels like a minor tingling/burning feeling)

- tachycardia/heart palpitations that coincide with the internal jittery/vibrations feeling I get

 

These feelings mainly started when I stopped meds, so they could either be withdrawal, or they could be from the B6 toxicity.

The reason I say mainly is because I did feel hand weakness & weird sensations in my hands whilst I was on 5mg Abilify, but I believe it stopped when I went back to 2.5mg.

Likewise, I also experienced an over-caffeinated, internally jittery feeling and heart palpitations/angina while I was on Ritalin. However, those are common side effects with stimulants so I believe they are completely unrelated to what I am experiencing now. 

 

The reason I have come to this B6 toxicity conclusion is because yesterday when I took the magnesium combination with 25mg B6, I felt these symptoms about half an hour later. It scared me. I looked at the warning on the package: 'Stop taking if you experience tingling, burning, or numbness. Contains B6'. I had read this before but did not relate it to what was experiencing as my symptoms weren't exactly like those. However, upon reading about others who have B6 toxicity, I now know that it encompasses many more symptoms than just those. 

 

I am very worried now as my nervous system is already highly sensitive due to all the drugs I was on and because I have recently come off them. Now this as well! (possible B6 toxicity)

My nervous system is probably screaming and who knows if it can recover. I've been crying and anxious as my hand has been tingling all day (not very severe but it's noticeable). 

I am not sure I have B6 toxicity, but the chances are high. I am going to have a blood test next week I believe, so hopefully that will give me closure on whether I have it or not. 

I feel like my life is over before it has even started. I really hate these symptoms, mainly because I can't paint anymore like I used to and writing with a pen isn't as easy as it used to be! I feel like everything has been taken away from me. You guys are the only people (and my parents) I have right now to support me.

I just want this to end. This is too much at this point.

 

Zozo. 

 

[Tuikea]

Stop taking the supplements just stick with Omega fish oil and give your cns a rest.

How are you sleeping?

It is easy to conjure up things when all it is is withdrawals.

I read it time and time again especially with people with stomach issues, they go for every test under the sun and everything comes back normal.

Our central nervous system and our brain are having to heal, if you could see the injury like a broken leg you would accept it.

You are healing you need to heal it takes time and that's the biggest healer.

And I need to listen to my own words but it is so hard 😪 

 

[Zozo]

6 minutes ago, Tuikea said:

And I need to listen to my own words but it is so hard 😪 

Can't relate more. 

You are very right.

It's easy to make assumptions and imagine the worst. Either way, I'm not going to take the magnesium combination supplement anymore; I'll stick to fish oil.

8 minutes ago, Tuikea said:

Our central nervous system and our brain are having to heal, if you could see the injury like a broken leg you would accept it.

That's a great analogy. Thank You. 

 

Wishing us both recovery!

 

Zozo

 

[Emonda]

17 hours ago, Zozo said:

I'm possibly catastrophising,

 

I fall victim to this. It can be easy for your mind to run away with all sorts of scenarios.

 

On 11/20/2024 at 7:29 PM, Emonda said:

I just had a look at the ingredients. Yes, it does have a few extras - I'd just stick to magnesium.

 

On 11/20/2024 at 4:55 PM, Emonda said:

Some here say they find it activating - it may trigger a little anxiety. Something for you to keep in mind. I cut it out for this reason.

 

I'm with Tuikea. Pause your magnesium with the 'extras' in it for a while and see what happens to your symptoms.

 

Down the track, you may like to try a small amount of just magnesium, like the one I mentioned above.

 

Remember, windows and waves.

 

You're going to be ok 😊

[Zozo]

Sorry for the late response. I'm just recovering from a pretty severe meltdown I had (most likely due to 'that time of the month').

I will do exactly that: take a break from the supplement and possibly introduce a small amount of magnesium later on. 

I am definitely going through a bit of a wave at the moment. I'm quite anxious, emotional, and erratic, so I've decided to go to school today so I can force myself to forget about everything for a bit. 

Thanks for the support. It's been a difficult couple of days. 

 

Zozo

[Emonda]

Hope you're doing ok, Zozo.

 

Just like the others above, your writing is amazing!

[Zozo]

Hello! 

11 hours ago, Emonda said:

Just like the others above, your writing is amazing!

Thank You, @Emonda

 

Update:

It's been a couple of days since I was last on here. I'm not doing that great, but I have pushed through due to being assigned a role in my school showcase for drama. It's been very hard, though, and I've been quite depressed and demotivated to do anything but watch TV. I have also had meltdowns almost every day.

haven't gone to the beach in a while and haven't been able to read either. This is completely unrelated to withdrawal or anything, but I'm mainly stressed due to the breathing issues I have been having from my orthodontic treatment. I have to sort that out now, which is an added burden. I feel like I keep on having bad luck. Especially since I was finally excited to fix my teeth due to feeling very insecure my whole life- I thought that was the one thing that went well this year. I feel very defeated right now and want everything to sort itself out. I also have to catch up on my schoolwork over the holidays before next year as I am starting a new school, so that's another thing.

 

But the truth is, I am starting to feel like myself again. Before meds, I was a very obsessive, anxious, control-freak type of person, and I have e struggled with OCD symptoms since I was about 8 (I think I forgot to mention that in previous posts). Lately, the obsessionality about things that make me anxious has come back in full force (for example, constantly researching orthodontic-related breathing issues). It is the reason I haven't been doing anything else- I can't stop googling despite the fact that I know the answer/solution to it. It's like I need constant affirmation, and no matter how many times I find an answer to quench the anxiety and urge to act out the compulsion to search for something on the internet, my brain will return back to that anxious state and will need to do it all over again. So yeah, this usually happens with things all the time, and it's happened again, which is no surprise. I read somewhere that OCD is a disorder where your brain doubts absolutely everything, and I can't relate to that enough. I need repeated affirmation to survive, as my brain just doesn't believe things the first time. 

 

But yeah, this is my updated plan:

- Sort out my orthodontic treatment & re-visit the plan (I am a candidate for jaw surgery, so I think that is the route I am looking at when I turn 16)

- Create a routine for the holidays with regards to revising my work/finding tutors to help as well

- Do an acting workshop these holidays

- Get back into a routine with regard to exercise, reading, & going to the beach

 

I know I seem very logical and controlled with what I want to do, but trust me, I'm an absolute mess right now, and the anxiety is constant; I literally can't do anything. I'm gonna go watch a murder documentary now to try and distract myself. 

 

But no matter what I feel now, it's not going to be forever, and I will fix everything. I always do, and now isn't an exception. 

 

Thank you guys for all your support. This forum has saved me in so many ways. 

 

 

 

 

[Zozo]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've been on here.

Just an update: I've got extreme anxiety and stress about basically any little thing. Whenever something is out of my control, I feel extremely stressed and on edge. As I've probably mentioned before, this isn't uncommon for me. I have ordered 100mg tablets of L-theanine, which is supposed to be good for anxiety, as what I am dealing with is quite unbearable. I literally can't enjoy anything in my life as everything stresses me out. I also have major trust issues (pretty obvious why), which probably plays a role in why I'm so anxious all of the time. I also have a good therapist, so I believe she can help me. 

Wishing everybody a nice Christmas!

[Evelyne]

Hey @Zozo! I'm very sorry for what you are going through, but I'm sure you can get through this all and recover ❤️ There's so, so much life ahead of you, so many years to come, and you will be able to enjoy them. Just try to take it one day and one step at a time, and even if you have trust issues, try to trust at least the one thought of your body being able to heal.

 

As someone who started to react with mental health issues at a young age too, I can feel your pain about school. I had a lot of missed hours and my work wasn't to the standard I would have liked - but I got through it. I got through every level, when I just was open about my problems, made special plans with the teachers for my situation, and got therapy. It's great you have a therapist to support you!

 

L-theanine did help me at one point of my withdrawal journey - but now I'm so sensitive I don't dare to touch it 😅 Some of us are very sensitive for different supplements, vitamins, drugs etc. during WD. So if I were you, I would try it out with the smallest amount possible. If you have tablets instead of capsules, you could maybe cut the tablet and try a small fraction of it first. If that's okay, you could slowly introduce bigger amounts.

Here's a topic about L-theanine you might want to check out if you haven't already:

 

 

 

Like others have said, you express yourself extremely well, and I wholeheartedly believe you have all the tools to get through this medication mess. We are hear to support you on the way 🫂

And wishing you a great christmas as well! ⭐ (Greetings from the land of Santa Claus village etc., here christmas is the biggest thing of the year.)

[Zozo]

Hello @Evelyne

Thank you so much for replying. Dealing with mental health at this age is hard, especially when I see other teenagers who don't seem to have the same struggles that I do. It's quite disheartening and reminds me of all the experiences I feel I've missed out on. I do have a trusted therapist who I don't doubt will help me with my anxiety. I also tried the L-theanine at a pretty normal dosage (120mg), and I don't believe I reacted badly. If anything, I didn't feel much at all. I still have yet to experiment with it to see if it truly does help. Regarding my schoolwork, I have slowly begun reviewing some of the work I have missed over the last 2 weeks. It is really hard, though, and my motivation/focus is nowhere near where it used to be.

 

I will make sure next year is a better year than this year, and I'll keep updating you guys here. 

 

Thank you guys for all the help you have provided me. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!