Mission2Heal: Antipsychotics Damage or Withdraw?

[Mission2Heal]

Hello everyone - I'm new here, looking for answers, support and connection. Here is my story (sorry it's long) and some questions below. Thank you for reading. I was hospitalized in June 2024 for psychosis (paranoid delusions). I am a female in my late forties and have NO history of psychosis, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder. (I have dealt with generalized anxiety since I was young and some mild depression from time to time over the past few years - situational). I have been on Sertraline 50 mg for most of the past 20+ years with a few breaks. My current therapist believes the psychosis was brought on due to extreme stress/trauma and lack of sleep due to a personal situation. My first night in the hospital I was injected in both legs and injected in both arms the next day. I have no idea what they gave me, but it made the paranoid delusions worse and my legs and arms were very swollen and sore for several days after. My hospital stay was extremely traumatic, as the delusions got worse and the hospital became a part of my delusions - I thought they were trying to hurt me - and the way they treated me did not help. After the injections they kept me on strong pills. I know one was Olanzipine (Zyprexa). I don't know the dose, but it was pretty high initially. I felt like a zombie, could not think or concentrate and could barely function.

 

After the hospital, I had outpatient treatment and asked them to take me off of Olanzapine because I felt like a zombie and was still having paranoia. They tapered me down and eventually switched me to Latuda. Within a couple of days I came out of the paranoia but the zombie feeling remained and I ended up with severe depression. I started private therapy and med management with a psych NP. From June to end of September I was on some form of antipsychotic (Olanzapine 4 weeks, Latuda 6 weeks, Vraylar 1.5 mg every other day for 5 weeks). I felt like a zombie and like I was dreaming the whole time on these meds and couldn't function. I also had extreme depression and anhedonia. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize and knew I had to get off of antipsychotics or I would end up lost forever. 

 

Working closely with my therapist and psych NP, I stopped antipsychotics at the end of September. It's been almost 8 weeks and my worst symptoms continue to be the strange zombie / dream-like feeling. I constantly feel like I'm in a dream and that nothing is real even though I know I'm not dreaming. It's extremely disturbing. The sensation is incredibly hard to describe, but it's like a mix of being in a dream / feeling dizzy-vertigo / like something is wrong with my eyes (but there's not) / like cobwebs in my brain / fatigue). The second worse symptom is anhedonia - I don't want to do anything. I also have depression, anxiety, and some morning vertigo and dizziness. I had to start a SNRI (Pristiq) 4 weeks ago for the depression/anhedonia. It is helping some, but I am so far from the real me. I am starting to feel like the injections and/or antipsychotic meds have damaged my brain. I feel like they completely changed me - my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs, my life - it's like I've been hijacked. All I can do is watch tv or play games on my phone. I don't enjoy anything. I never used to be like this - it's like I'm the opposite of who I used to be. 

 

1. What do you think they injected me with at the hospital?
2. What is causing my symptoms? Is this normal after psychosis? Is it from the meds? Is it withdraw?
3. If it was meds, why do I still have these symptoms 8 weeks after stopping antipsychotics? 
4. Could symptoms be from trauma I experienced leading up to psychosis and/or trauma from my time in hospital?
4. Is there anyone here who has been through psychosis like this?
5. Is there anyone here who has recovered after antipsychotics?

 

The therapist and NP can't fully answer my questions but have said they think it's just going to take time to heal. The whole thing has been heartbreaking and I miss myself and my life. I'm grateful to connect to anyone who can relate. Overall I just want to understand what happened to me and to find support here from people who have lived this. It's been lonely not knowing anyone else who can really relate. And it's scary not knowing if this is ever going to resolve. 

 

************************************************

Sertraline 50 mg 2001 - Present

Pristiq 25 mg October 2024 - Present
Olanzapine June-July 2024
Latuda July 2024-August 2024
Vraylar 1.5 mg August 2024 - September 2024

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I'm truly sorry to hear about the terrible experience you had being hospitalized and forcibly drugged.  I'm very glad to hear that you are completely off of the antipsychotics - they are nasty drugs - basically chemical straitjackets.  There are people who have delusions and hallucinations, and they find non drug ways to cope and deal with these things.  Check out Will Hall.  

 

 

https://researchoutreach.org/articles/rethinking-psychiatric-medication-interview-will-hall/

 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

From what you are describing, it sounds as if you are experiencing derealization/depersonalization.  This is a scary symptom to have. One of our other long time members, Shep, also experienced this.  She eventually got off all drugs and recovered from this, but it took time, patience, and determination.  You can read her heroic story here:  

 

Sheps Success: Leaving Plato's Cave

 

Here is our thread where members discuss their experience with it: 

 

DP/DR

 

Please rest assured that assuming you stay far away from the antipsychotics, and take good care of yourself, you should eventually feel better and the DP/DR will eventually go away.  I had this myself in early recovery, even though I was not on AP's.  Also please be sure and not make any other change to your current drug regimen right now, as this will tend to further destabilize your nervous system and make it feel even worse.  Make sure and take your current drugs each and every day, not skipping or varying doses, at the same time of day each day. Completely avoid alcohol and other mind altering substances!  Be very gentle with your nervous system, eat a healthy diet, get gentle exercise like walks outside if you can, avoid drama if possible, etc. 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

 

[getofflex]

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

1. What do you think they injected me with at the hospital?

You have every right to know this - please call the hospital, and ask for your medical records and find out, then let us know.  

 

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

2. What is causing my symptoms? Is this normal after psychosis? Is it from the meds? Is it withdraw?

I'm guessing it is from the meds myself.  They use pretty heavy duty drugs in psych wards.  

 

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

3. If it was meds, why do I still have these symptoms 8 weeks after stopping antipsychotics? 

These drugs are extremely powerful and make profound changes to our brains that take many months to reverse.  Please be super patient, and give it plenty of time. 

 

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

4. Could symptoms be from trauma I experienced leading up to psychosis and/or trauma from my time in hospital?

It's possible that could be contributing to the symptoms.  The trauma may have cause the psychosis, too.  

 

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

4. Is there anyone here who has been through psychosis like this?

I haven't , but many on here have. 

 

On 11/18/2024 at 12:12 PM, Mission2Heal said:

5. Is there anyone here who has recovered after antipsychotics?

Yes there are many, Shep being one of them, but there are others. 

[Mission2Heal]

Thank you so much for responding! This is all very helpful. I do believe (and my instincts have been telling me) that these symptoms are from the antipsychotics, withdrawal, and several med changes over a short period of time. The explanation of how even small changes in any psych med destabilizes the nervous system makes sense and helps me understand why things are taking a lot more time to resolve.

 

Do you think it's unusual that I've had derealization ever since the hospital in June and it's never gone away? Every once in a while, it lessens a little bit, but there are days it's also much worse. It is so scary and makes me feel like my brain is damaged. I just need some hope that it will eventually go away. I can cope as long as I know it's not forever. That and the anhedonia - scary and something I've never experienced before. Sounds like I need to stay on the current doses of meds I'm on for a while to help things stabilize. 

 

I will definitely check out Will Hall and Shep's Success, the DP/DR page, and I have contacted the hospital for records!

 

I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this journey. 

 

Thank you!!

 

[getofflex]

I'm glad I was able to be of help!  My instincts also tell me your DP/DR is from the drugs they gave you in the hospital and the AP's (antipsychotics). These are sedating drugs, so it would make sense.  I can assure youths is not permanent! Our WD brains are mean, and they try to convince us this condition is forever!  To help with this, keep a windows journal, and record on the days when you feel OK or less bad with the dates.  Then, when you feel worse, go look at this journal to remind yourself of the better days!  It will help keep things in perspective.

On 11/20/2024 at 1:44 PM, Mission2Heal said:

Sounds like I need to stay on the current doses of meds I'm on for a while to help things stabilize. 

Yes, definitely!  

 

 This link is also very helpful: 

 

Techniques for Managing Withdrawal

 

Please do keep in touch, and feel free to go and read and comment on others' threads.  

[Vancouver1986]

Hi, OP.

 

Just wanted to show some solidarity with the Desmethvenlafaxine. I only wish 25mg was avaliable in Canada. 25mg would've been safer to start with back in 2012, and it would've come in handy countless times trying to stop the rock-solid 50mg pill 'when my life was going better'/or to get off of, because of the side-effects.

 

With your Zoloft, in ~2015, it gave my brain anxiety and my digestive system diarhea. I believe I tried it for as long as I could until I couldn't do it anymore. They say to try it for 6 weeks. I didn't document back then so don't remember.

 

I don't think I've ever been on 2 'anti-depressants' (legal Psychotropics that "selectively" work on Serotonin) before, until since July 2021. See my signature.

 

You can view my post history for some resources for camaraderie on other social media platforms, etc.

[Mission2Heal]

Thank you, both, so much! I have a few more questions:

 

1. If I was given injection in the hospital in June, then put on Olanzapine, then switched to Latuda in July, then switched to Vraylar in August and then stopped antipsychotics end of September, am I still in withdrawal from June / the hospital injections and meds or am in just in withdrawal from the last AP drug Vraylar? I guess it doesn't really matter, but I'm curious as to whether this is so bad because I am in withdrawal from multiple meds given to me over a relatively short period of time.

 

2. I was on the lowest dose of either Sertraline or Lexapro for many years - switched back to Sertraline from 2021 - 2023. Weaned off Sertraline slowly (as slowly as I could just cutting the pills over a year). It was hard the first month or so but manageable after that except for not sleeping. I was off of it for 15 months. I was also going through a pretty traumatic personal situation at the time, so it's hard to tell what was withdrawal and what was just the situation.  The situation became unbearable in April 2024 and that's when I went back on 50 mg Sertraline. I did not feel good when I started back on it. I had more anxiety and just felt weird. I stuck it out because I knew I needed something to help me and I know it takes many weeks to reach full "therapeutic" levels. Throughout May, I was having extreme anxiety and very little sleep due to my personal situation and by the end of May I was having paranoia / delusions related to my situation. I was later told that it is called psychosis. I did not have hallucinations and the paranoia / delusions were based on real things that happened, but then my mind spun them into worse scenarios. Then I ended up in the hospital and you know the rest from my intro. My question, after reading something I saw on this site - could going back to the Sertraline after being off of it for 15 months have caused or contributed to what happened to me (paranoia / delusions)? I know the bulk of of it was the situation / anxiety / lack of sleep, but I read something about going back to a drug someone had tapered too quickly could cause problems if you go back to it. I just always wonder what would have happened if I had not gone back on it. I know I will never know, but curious on people's thoughts. 

 

Thank you! 

[Mission2Heal]

Gettoflex - I was able to access my chart from the medical hospital / ER where I was seen before being admitted to the psych hospital. Here is what they gave me and I think the psych hospital gave me the same injection / cocktails. As you can see, some were in the form of injections and others were pills. I don't see any time stamp to see when each med was given but it was all in one visit at the ER.  I will probably never be able to get records from the psych hospital, though. Left a message two days ago...

 

•  diphenhydrAMINE (BENADRYL) capsule 50 mg, 50 mg, Oral, Q1H PRN
•  diphenhydrAMINE (BENADRYL) INJECTION 50 mg, 50 mg, Intramuscular, Q1H PRN
•  haloperidoL (HALDOL) tablet 5 mg, 5 mg, Oral, Q4H PRN
•  haloperidol lactate (HALDOL) 5 mg/mL injection 5 mg, 5 mg, Intramuscular, Q4H PRN
•  hydrOXYzine (ATARAX) tablet 25 mg, 25 mg, Oral, Q4H PRN
•  LORazepam (ATIVAN) injection 2 mg, 2 mg, Intramuscular, Q4H PRN
•  OLANZapine (ZyPREXA) injection 10 mg, 10 mg, Intramuscular, Q4H PRN
•  OLANZapine zydis (ZyPREXA) disintegrating tablet 10 mg, 10 mg, Oral, Once
•  OLANZapine zydis (ZyPREXA) disintegrating tablet 5 mg, 5 mg, Sublingual, Q4H PRN

 

No wonder I am so messed up!!!!

 

[getofflex]

6 hours ago, Mission2Heal said:

1. If I was given injection in the hospital in June, then put on Olanzapine, then switched to Latuda in July, then switched to Vraylar in August and then stopped antipsychotics end of September, am I still in withdrawal from June / the hospital injections and meds or am in just in withdrawal from the last AP drug Vraylar? I guess it doesn't really matter, but I'm curious as to whether this is so bad because I am in withdrawal from multiple meds given to me over a relatively short period of time.

 

I doubt you are having WD from whatever they injected you with in the hospital, but you could definitely be having WD from the Olanzapine, Latuda, and/or the Vraylar, because you were on each of these for several weeks.  It only takes about 4 weeks for the brain to become dependent on the psych drugs.  And, frequent drug switches like this are pretty hard on the brain, too.  That is why I suggested previously to stay on your current drug regimen, and not make any more drug changes, for a long time!  If it were me, I would wait at least a year or maybe even longer before trying to make any drug changes.  This includes adding or stopping drugs, or changing the drug dosages.  

 

Thanks for finding out what drugs they gave you in the hospital!  It would be very helpful if you could cut and paste that list and put it in your signature in date order, and put the dates you were given these.  We mods help many people, and we need to be able to get a snapshot of your drug history at a glance, without having to wade through a series of posts - thank you.  

 

I see you were given haldol.  This is a super sedating drug, and can make you have the DP/DR that you describe for months afterwards.  

 

6 hours ago, Mission2Heal said:

My question, after reading something I saw on this site - could going back to the Sertraline after being off of it for 15 months have caused or contributed to what happened to me (paranoia / delusions)?

I guess it's possible, but I'm not sure.  I don't have any personal experience with this.  Are you still currently having paranoia/delusions?  

[getofflex]

I would strongly suggest you do a daily drug/symptom journal to see if you are having an adverse reaction to the sertraline.  

We need to try and figure out if you are having an adverse reaction to it.  To see if there is an adverse reaction going on, please do a daily drug and symptoms journal.  Keep track of taking your drug, symptoms, eating, sleeping, etc.  Write the time on the left, and describe the event on the right.  Pay attention especially to how you feel before, and then after, you take your drug. Please do this for 24 hours, and post an entry in here for each 24 hour period.  Here is an example: 

 

January 31, 2023

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

[Mission2Heal]

Thank you! The paranoia / delusions stopped shortly (within a few days) after stopping Olanzapine in July. It seems the injections and Olanzapine in the hospital put the paranoia / delusions on steroids and it didn't stop until getting off of the Olanzapine. And yes, the DR definitely started in the hospital, so that's good to know about Haldol. 

 

I can do a journal, but I had more symptoms from the Sertraline for the first two weeks, then that subsided.  I would have increased anxiety and pounding heart, etc. That also happened for the first week or two of the Pristiq but it doesn't happen anymore. Is that considered adverse reaction or some kind of adjustment to the meds? 

 

I'll see if I can fit the hospital meds in the signature - I already have 12 lines! 

Thanks, again! 

 

 

[Mission2Heal]

Oh, and I've only been on the Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq) 25 mg for 4 weeks. I've read on here how hard it is to come off of that. Should I continue that for a year or stop? It has helped a lot with my depression and anxiety so I'm a little afraid to stop, but also afraid to keep taking it because it means another hard withdrawal later.

[getofflex]

On 11/23/2024 at 10:04 AM, Mission2Heal said:

I can do a journal, but I had more symptoms from the Sertraline for the first two weeks, then that subsided.  I would have increased anxiety and pounding heart, etc. That also happened for the first week or two of the Pristiq but it doesn't happen anymore. Is that considered adverse reaction or some kind of adjustment to the meds? 

No, that sounds more like an adjustment to the meds.  So you are no longer having any symptoms of any kind, other than the depersonalization/derealization?  If you are what symptoms are you having? 

 

It's wonderful to hear that the delusions and paranoia have stopped with stopping Olanzapine.  

[Mission2Heal]

My main symptoms are the derealization, lack of motivation or interest in doing anything, no energy, some depression and anxiety, and just this overarching feeling of overwhelm - every day and every basic task feels difficult (showering, doing dishes, laundry, etc.). I also feel like I can't handle anything - things that used to be little, normal bumps in the road of life can now just take me down. Mornings are the worst and then things seem to get a bit better in the late afternoon and evening. Then it starts all over again the next day. I have started having joint/muscle pain recently. One thing I've noticed about the derealization is that it seems to get really bad between 10-11 am and then gets a little better as the day goes on. It also gets worse when I'm having a lot of anxiety. It seems a lot of this is related to cortisol and many of my symptoms are similar to adrenal fatigue. I'm also in late perimenopause so that is not helping. And I'm working through the trauma of what happened leading up to my hospitalization and my traumatic experience in the hospital. 

[getofflex]

Thanks for the detailed description of your symptoms.  I'm glad to hear it gets better as the day goes on.  Yes, a lot of this is related to our cortisol, which is higher in the mornings.  You are dealing with quite a bit, since you also have the other 2 things going on.  In fact, your story sounds a lot like mine.  I had menopause at age 56 as soon as I started tapering my Lexapro, and when I got to the lower doses, so much trauma started coming back to the surface.  But, in the long run, this was a good thing for me, because it has allowed me to work through it, and find healing for it.  I'm glad to hear you are working through it, too.  All this will get better, it truly will!