ferrari15 - My story so far

[ferrari15]

Hi everyone,

 

Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you.

 

Throughout my life, I have struggled with acute anxiety and panic attacks. It became so severe that I was unable to work and spent many years confined to my home.

 

In 2010, I decided to seek help and consulted a psychiatrist. After several trials, we found a combination of medications that provided me with complete relief from anxiety: Seroquel 200 mg, Zyprexa 7.5 mg, Lexapro 10 mg, and Klonopin 0.5 mg as needed. I continued this regimen for 14 years, from 2010 to 2024. While these medications alleviated my anxiety, they also led to emotional numbness, cognitive decline, and elevated cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar levels.

 

The emotional numbness was particularly distressing. I felt as though I was a dead man walking through life, completely disconnected from my feelings. This numbness and cognitive decline left me feeling no better off, and I once again had to leave my job and isolate myself at home.

 

Fed up with the emotional numbness, I made the decision to stop all medications. I would rather face anxiety than live in a state of emotional detachment. Over the course of three months, I tapered off all my medications. The tapering was somewhat aggressive and haphazard; I couldn't endure the numbness any longer and wanted to be free of the medications as quickly as possible. In hindsight, I realize that my approach could have been dangerous.

 

It has now been about a month since I stopped all medications. My withdrawal symptoms include moderate anxiety and allergy-like symptoms, but the insomnia is what is truly driving me crazy. I have only managed a few hours of sleep over the past month. I’ve tried melatonin, various herbal supplements, and Benadryl, but nothing has worked. This sleep deprivation is pure hell and I feel that my brain has just lost the ability to sleep. Unfortunately, there has been no improvement in my emotional numbness.

 

I am bracing myself for rebound anxiety and panic attacks after stopping the medications. My hope is that my insomnia stabilizes before the anxiety returns, as I can’t imagine coping with both simultaneously.

 

I don’t know what lies ahead. I don’t know if I can survive this sleep deprivation. I don’t know if my emotional numbness will ever go away. And I don’t know if I will be able to manage without the help of medications when there is rebound anxiety.

 

I know many of you are facing extremely challenging withdrawal symptoms as well. I wish all of us the best, and I hope we see some improvement soon.

[Catwoman73]

Hi @ferrari15, and welcome to SA!   We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

Thank you so much for completing your drug signature.  

 

You have tapered everything so incredibly fast, I suspect you have a very long and challenging road ahead of you.  I did the same thing with three drugs back in 2007, and it took me about seven years to get well (then I was stupidly talked into going back on Lexapro lol... but that's another story).  But the good news is that you will eventually heal.  It's just going to take time. 

 

Here at SA, we recommend tapering only one drug at a time, and by no more than 10% of your current dose, no more frequently than every four weeks.  This is known as hyperbolic tapering, and it does an excellent job of keeping withdrawal symptoms to a minimum by allowing the body to undo all the biochemical and genetic changes that have occurred as a result of the presence of the drug (or drugs, in your case).  Read more about the impact these meds have on the body and hyperbolic tapering here:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

What you are currently experiencing is very typical withdrawal symptoms due to basically cold turkey stopping your meds.  Here is a list of typical withdrawal symptoms for your reference:

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

I am a bit concerned that things are going to get significantly worse for you in the coming months.  Unfortunately, withdrawal does not follow a linear pattern, being worse at the beginning and steadily improving.  We often see fits and spurts of symptoms.  This is so common that we have a whole thread on the subject- we call it the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  Windows and waves are a very good sign that your nervous system is healing and adapting, but the waves can be crushing, particularly with such an abrupt stoppage of so many medications.  Read more about windows and waves here:

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

You do have the option of trying to reinstate a very low dose of one of your meds at this early stage, to see if you can mitigate the severity of some of your symptoms before things get any worse.  The idea with reinstating is to find the lowest possible dose of a medication that makes your symptoms tolerable, stabilize on that dose for a while (as long as it takes!), and then taper hyperbolically to reduce the risk of severe withdrawal returning.  The key here is LOW DOSE- more is not better!  In fact, taking too high a dose with reinstating can lead to a hypersensitivity reaction, making you much worse rather than better.  Read more about the intricacies of reinstating in these links:

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 How long does it take to stabilize after reinstating or updosing?

 Hypersensitivity and kindling

 

Regardless of whether or not you choose to reinstate, the road to recovery can be a long and challenging one.  There are a few things you can do to help with healing.  Most are rather intuitive, but bear repeating.  Eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay well hydrated, get adequate rest/sleep (more on that soon), and engage in gentle exercise.  Avoid all neurologically active substances, such as caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and recreational drugs- these things are like pouring gasoline on a fire for your symptoms!  And don't try any other psych meds- when the nervous system is destabilized, as yours is, the effects of these meds are not predictable, and they can make you worse.  

 

Here at SA, we only recommend two supplements- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Both have been shown to be helpful for some while in withdrawal.  Do be mindful though- it is very common for those in withdrawal to become hypersensitive to all sorts of things- medications, supplements, and even foods!  So if you try taking any supplement, even those we recommend, start with a very low dose, and see how you fare.  You can increase slowly over time if you tolerate it.  I am a prime example of hypersensitivity- magnesium is supposed to have a calming effect, but it gives me brain zaps and insomnia!

 

You may wish to consider keeping a symptom journal at this time.  Track your symptoms each day, rating them on a scale of 1-10 for severity.  This can help you identify your windows and waves (they're not always obvious in the early stages!), and give you a way of seeing how far you've come over time.  You can use the above list of typical withdrawal symptoms as a template, if you wish.  If you also choose to track your foods, supplements and activities, you may find that you can identify things that trigger symptom waves for you, allowing you to have some control over the severity of your experience.  I have done this, and discovered a few triggers: coffee (even decaf), chamomile (allergic symptoms), refined sugar (agitation), intense exercise (a huge variety of symptoms!) and magnesium (as described above).  

 

Emotional and cognitive symptoms can be incredibly challenging to deal with, so we recommend developing some non-drug coping mechanisms early in the game.  We have lots of threads on this stuff here- I'll link some below.  The most effective things I have found for dealing with emotional and cognitive symptoms are a daily mindfulness practice, guided meditations and yoga Nidra (also great for sleep), deep breathing, CBT to help recognize and transform the negative thought patterns that can lead to emotional spirals, and good old fashioned distraction with things I love to do (I love dance, art, writing, and cooking).

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

The importance of recognizing you're feeling good

 

Almost everyone here has sleep issues at some point in their journey- so you're not alone there!  In addition to the above advice, here are a couple more links on sleep:

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

Melatonin for sleep (Please note the very low doses needed- again, more is not better!)

 

In summary, you are currently experiencing normal withdrawal symptoms after an extremely rapid taper.  You do have the option to attempt a reinstatement at this point to try to minimize your withdrawal symptoms, if you wish.  Reinstatement is best done ASAP after stopping meds, and is less likely to be effective the further out from stopping that you try.  So I would make that decision sooner rather than later!  Regardless, recovery takes time- we can't tell you how long.  You will have to be very patient.  You can help things along by reviewing the provided links, and following the advice contained within- it's never been more important to take care of yourself!  We're here to help along the way!

 

This is your introduction topic- each member gets one intro topic.  So please post any questions or updates here, on this thread.  But do explore the rest of the forum- there's lots of good info here!  And I always advise new members to read and comment on the intro threads of other active members.  Withdrawal can be a very lonely journey, and by actively engaging with this community, you will have the support of many people who COMPLETELY understand the difficulties you are facing.  So you will feel much less alone!

 

I look forward to following your journey, and helping out in any way I can!

 

 

[ferrari15]

Hi @Catwoman73,

 

Thank you very much for your response. The links you provided contain a wealth of information. I will go through them one by one. I wish I had some of this information before I started my taper.

 

I have no doubt that I have a very challenging road ahead of me. Motivated by my dislike for the emotional numbness caused by these psychiatric drugs, I went for a rapid taper.

 

Thank you for encouraging me that I will eventually heal. I hope that is true. I am mentally preparing myself for the unknown and unpredictable journey ahead.

 

I often think about reinstating very low doses of my medications, especially when sleep deprivation pushes me to my limits. However, because of what these medications did to my emotions and cognitive functions, a part of my mind vehemently opposes even considering these drugs. Nevertheless, I will keep your suggestion in mind. I hope I can get through this tempest without resorting to these medications again.

 

I will start taking low doses of magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.

 

I am maintaining a symptom journal and documenting all the details. I have observed that I am finding some relief from the withdrawal symptoms by reading books, especially technical ones. I will explore this further. I am also considering yoga and mindfulness techniques.

 

One important benefit I have noticed since stopping these medications is my diet. When I was taking them, I had uncontrollable food cravings. I gained a lot of weight, and my cholesterol, triglycerides, and sugar levels were very high. However, just two days after stopping the medications, my food cravings disappeared. I have been eating a very healthy diet for the past month and have already lost 6 pounds.

 

I feel so good because I am talking to you. I appreciate all your support; it means a lot to me. I will keep you updated with all the latest developments.

[Catwoman73]

Abnormalities in cholesterol and liver enzymes and a variety of other things are par for the course with these meds.  I'm a strict whole foods plant based vegan and I have high cholesterol and elevated liver enzymes!  It can't be explained by my diet, but it absolutely can be explained by these drugs. 

 

It sounds like you're in a pretty good place, and prepared to deal with the ups and downs to come!  Keep the faith, and know that this place is here for you anytime you need some supportive words.  I try to look at this journey as one of self discovery- I think we will all come out of this better people- more understanding, more compassionate, and more in touch with what we want out of life.  You can do it!  I look forward to hearing how you are progressing over time!

[ferrari15]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s really interesting to hear about your experience with cholesterol and liver enzymes, especially since you’re following a whole foods plant-based vegan diet. It definitely highlights how these medications also cause so many unwanted side effects.

 

I appreciate your encouragement and perspective on this journey. It’s comforting to know that there’s a community here for support. I agree that this process can lead to a lot of self-discovery and growth. I’m hopeful about what’s to come and will definitely keep everyone updated on my progress. Thanks again for your kind words!