Mike678: Introduction and Story

[Mike678]

My doctor put me on antidepressants almost 2 years ago for a sleep problem that was the result of stress. I started on Mirtazapine and was on that for approximately 8 months. I tried every dose possible and it didn’t help at all, making my anxiety and sleep worse. I was constantly on edge and thought that my new normal — something I realized was not true when I came off the Mirtazapine. I then transitioned to Trazodone, which I was on for 4 months. It helped with the sleep but it made me completely numb. I couldn’t feel any emotions which was quite scary and was a zombie all day. My highest dose was 200 mg. My doctor did not advise me to taper, as Trazodone is not seen as a “Class A” antidepressant and rather more like a sleeping pill. I did a self-taper that lasted about 3 weeks, but I finally got so frustrated with the numbness that I just stopped. I have been in withdrawal for almost 9 months since stopping. Symptoms were awful at first, but I have noticed gradual improvement over these 9 months that seems to come in chunks rather than a linear trend. I still have sleep problems and get a variety of strange sensations in my brain.
 

I have recognized the following pattern: 

 

Phase 1: 

Extreme sadness that I am unable to control developing at some point mid day, followed by a few hours of intense anxiety that almost vibrates my body. Abnormal as nothing provoking the sadness or anxiety. Resets the next day and repeats. Poor sleep. 
 

Phase 2: 

Surge of endorphins all day, vibrating sensation in my head. Sadness/anxiety returned to normal levels (only sad when something was making me sad, only anxious when something was making me anxious like a presentation at work). Brain can’t shut off at night, unable to fall asleep at night until 2-3 am.

 

Phase 3: 

Brain fog sets in. Not as cognitively sharp. Feeling still there but dulled. Takes longer to process thoughts and think critically. Work extremely difficult. Feels like there’s a sheet of paper between the thing producing feeling in my brain and the thing allowing me to feel the feelings.

 

Phase 4: 

Sleeping well, usually better than last cycle. Feel almost completely “normal.” Not a full nights sleep but close. Wake up feeling 80% rested. 

 

Each time my brain/body go through this pattern, I notice some improvement in my ability to feel emotions like my old self along with some sleep improvement. However, it is so discouraging to go from phase 4, feeling almost completely “normal” back to phase 1, as I know I am in for another multi-week cycle. When I first stopped ADs, the each phase lasted multiple weeks. Now, each phase lasts anywhere from a few days to 2 weeks. I am just wondering when this is all going to end, as I feel like my life has been on hold for almost 2 years. I find some encouragement in the gradual improvement, but the improvement is not linear at all. Just when I think I’m breaking through and it’s all over, another cycle starts. If someone could give me a rough timeline or anything encouraging from my story, it would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading.  

Edited November 29, 2024 by Emonda
Name to title

[Jane318]

Greetings @Mike678, and welcome to SA.  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

So the moderators can best help you, please complete your drug signature by following these instructions. Adding a signature ensures your drug history appears at the bottom of every post, making it more efficient for those trying to assist. This link should go directly to your own signature: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

I am sorry for what you are now experiencing, which is surely withdrawal associated with your stopping Mirtazapine and/or Trazodone too quickly.  Compare with the list of typical symptoms here:  Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF). 

 

You may want to read / view:

What is withdrawal syndrome.

Brain Remodelling 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

10 hours ago, Mike678 said:

I have been in withdrawal for almost 9 months since stopping.

Stopping these powerful drugs too quickly creates chaos in our brains / central nervous system.  It is not unusual for it to take many months to stabilize afterwards.  Here at SA, we recommend a slow, hyperbolic taper, which helps keep symptoms in check.

 

10 hours ago, Mike678 said:

Symptoms were awful at first, but I have noticed gradual improvement over these 9 months that seems to come in chunks rather than a linear trend

What you describe is what we call the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  This is actually a good sign of healing!  Read more about windows and waves here:   The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization. 

 

10 hours ago, Mike678 said:

However, it is so discouraging to go from phase 4, feeling almost completely “normal” back to phase 1, as I know I am in for another multi-week cycle. When I first stopped ADs, the each phase lasted multiple weeks. Now, each phase lasts anywhere from a few days to 2 weeks. I am just wondering when this is all going to end, as I feel like my life has been on hold for almost 2 years. I find some encouragement in the gradual improvement, but the improvement is not linear at all. Just when I think I’m breaking through and it’s all over, another cycle starts. If someone could give me a rough timeline or anything encouraging from my story,

Yes it is discouraging to go from feeling good - thinking you are heading in the right direction - to feeling poorly again.  However, this is the recognized pattern - indeed, it is not linear.  That you are seeing improvement - albeit gradual - is really, really good news.  

 

Unfortunately, it is not possible to give a timeline for healing.  Every person is different.  That said, you have several things in your favor - you were not on the drugs for very long (compared to many of us) and you took only two drugs (apparently).  I am optimistic that things will improve drastically over the next few months.   Sometimes we recommend reinstating a low dose of a drug to alleviate severe withdrawal symptoms, but that is most effective when you do it within a couple months of stopping.  In your case, it has been longer than that, and you are healing.  I would not recommend reinstatement for you.

 

There are things you can do to help your nervous system heal.   Eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay well hydrated, engage in gentle exercise, and get adequate rest/sleep.  Avoid all neurologically active substances, like caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and recreational drugs- these are like pouring gasoline on a fire for your symptoms.  Avoid adding any further psychiatric medications to deal with your withdrawal from psych meds- the effects of these meds on a destabilized nervous system is unpredictable, and taking something else could make you worse.

 

We recommend only two supplements here - magnesium (glycinate is a good form) and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

If you decide to try a supplement, even those we recommend here, add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.  If you tolerate it well, you can increase the dosage slowly over time.  

 

We have many threads on how to cope with symptoms – I encourage you to check out the various forums / links on the SA.org home page.

 

This is your introduction topic.  Each member gets one intro topic- please post updates and questions here, in this thread.

 

I look forward to following your journey, and helping out in any way I can.  Best wishes.

[Jane318]

How are you doing @Mike678?  I hope you are continuing to stabilize.  Wishing you the best for the holidays.

[Mike678]

11 hours ago, Jane318 said:

How are you doing @Mike678?  I hope you are continuing to stabilize.  Wishing you the best for the holidays.

Hi @Jane318, thanks for checking in. It really means a lot to have support on here, as I think the most difficult part of this whole ordeal has been that no one in my life understands what I am going through because it is something that only others who have gone through it understand and can sympathize with. It can be very isolating at times. 

 

The past few weeks, I have noticed that I’ve been cycling through the symptoms I described almost daily — as in I will experience symptoms from all 4 phases I described within one day or a couple of days rather than each phase lasting many days or weeks. This has been very confusing and frustrating, but I am hoping that the change/condensation in symptom frequency is a sign of healing. Overall, I have been sleeping much better and I have days or portions of days where I feel pretty good. Symptoms are changing rapidly right now though, and it has been over a month since I’ve had a prolonged period of normalcy.
 

I have seen people on here describe an intense, prolonged wave after 8, 9, or 10 months, after which they experience significant healing with any subsequent waves being much less intense. I am hoping that this is what I am experiencing now and that I will soon experience this significant healing. I feel like I am close, as I felt almost 100% during my last prolonged window. It has been frustrating to enter another long wave, but I visualize it as my brain/body running a test, realizing I wasn’t quite at homeostasis, and now making the necessary changes to get me closer toward that balance. I remain hopeful and encouraged. 

 

Happy holidays to you as well!  
 

 

[Jane318]

On 12/24/2024 at 9:10 AM, Mike678 said:

It really means a lot to have support on here, as I think the most difficult part of this whole ordeal has been that no one in my life understands what I am going through because it is something that only others who have gone through it understand and can sympathize with. It can be very isolating at times. 

Yes, it is isolating at times when there is no one in one's immediate circle that understands what we are going through - we've all felt that loneliness at times.  Thank goodness for SA, because we can support each other at least in cyberspace!  You are with people who do understand what you are going through.

 

On 12/24/2024 at 9:10 AM, Mike678 said:

The past few weeks, I have noticed that I’ve been cycling through the symptoms I described almost daily — as in I will experience symptoms from all 4 phases I described within one day or a couple of days rather than each phase lasting many days or weeks. This has been very confusing and frustrating, but I am hoping that the change/condensation in symptom frequency is a sign of healing. Overall, I have been sleeping much better and I have days or portions of days where I feel pretty good. Symptoms are changing rapidly right now though, and it has been over a month since I’ve had a prolonged period of normalcy.

Everyone's recovery is different, but rarely is is linear.  So do not be discouraged if you haven't noticed a window recently - the waves are part of the healing process.  That you are sleeping better and have at least portions of days where you feel pretty good is very positive.

 

On 12/24/2024 at 9:10 AM, Mike678 said:

I have seen people on here describe an intense, prolonged wave after 8, 9, or 10 months, after which they experience significant healing with any subsequent waves being much less intense. I am hoping that this is what I am experiencing now and that I will soon experience this significant healing. I feel like I am close, as I felt almost 100% during my last prolonged window. It has been frustrating to enter another long wave, but I visualize it as my brain/body running a test, realizing I wasn’t quite at homeostasis, and now making the necessary changes to get me closer toward that balance. I remain hopeful and encouraged. 

I am hopeful too that you will see signs of significant healing soon.  I appreciate the way you visualize the healing process - you are very attuned to what is going on in your body.  Hope and encouragement plus time and patience will get you there.

 

Best wishes and Happy New Year!