kygirl: Help! Not sure what to do

[kygirl]

I am hoping to find some guidance here on what I should do. I had my first child nine years ago and suffered post partum but never did anything about it and then two years later had my second child and the depression became worse. My husband is in the mental health field and made a call to a psychiatrist that he works with and this dr prescribed (keep in mind I never saw him, he called in the Rx) 10mg of Lexapro for two weeks and 20 mg after that. No problems introducing the drug. In fact, it calmed me down quite a bit and I enjoyed the way I felt on it. When I would run out this dr would just call in the new script.

 

Fast forward two years, I am doing great. No depression at all. I know I shouldn't be on this medication forever, so I decide to drop down to 10mg. No big side effects. A few brain zaps and some moodiness and crying, but nothing other than that. Everything going good and two years later, drop down to 5mg and the same thing. No real side effects, just moodiness and a little more agitated, but nothing major. Well this February, I had forgotten to take it for 2-3 days, and thought "well I'm just fine, might as well stop". And really several weeks later, I am more tired and moody and quite shaky. But nothing major. A couple weeks later, some stressful things happened and I started having major anxiety and Obsessive thoughts. Never had this in my life and it scared the hell out of me. The panic would run down my arms and legs and I am freaking out b/c I have never experienced this in my life. So, I get the bright idea to reintroduce the 5mg of Lexapro again. Big mistake! Full blown panic & anxiety, horrendous insomnia, sensitivity to light & sound to where my phone would ring and it would scare the hell out of me. Just a horrible experience.

 

After taking that for 3 days, I stopped CT again. But still couldn't sleep, so I was put on Ambien. The Ambien worked but I knew I didn't want to stay on it. So I stopped CT and once again couldn't sleep. Dr calls in Trazodone. Well, I felt totally drugged and I my anxiety increased on it and started getting akathesia to where I couldn't sit still. After 3 days of that, went back to the Ambien. Well, after a couple of days, I started having horrible internal tremors. No one else could see it but I could feel it. And I am not sure if I was in withdrawal from the Lexapro or if it was a side effect of the Ambien. So, at this point I went to see a nurse practioner who is wonderful. I feel like I am going crazy and losing my mind. My anxiety and depression is through the roof. My kids think I am dying (b/c I can't stop crying and yelling and I am shaking terribly on the inside).

 

So, she says to start 10mg of Celexa since it has more of a sedating effect than Lexapro. Take that for 10 days and then up to 20mg. So, I do that and continue with the Ambien. Once again, it is the "I feel like I'm on something" when you first start the AD, but it does calm me a little, but the tremors are still there. Fast forward two months and I am a little better. Tremors aren't as bad, but still taking the Ambien. Definitely, not stabilized whatsoever. I have really bad tinnitus (always had a mild case, but Celexa really increased it) and numbness and tingling all over my body. I guess this is a side effect of Celexa. But my depression is totally gone. YAY! Well, the end of August my beloved 14 year old Golden Retriever had to be put down. Holy Crap! Crying non stop for weeks, anxiety through the roof. Seriously, couldn't go to the grocery store without having an anxiety attack. called my NP and she ups it to 30mg. Seems to help quite a bit. No more crying and no anxiety. But more tinnitus, more numbness and tingling and more sensitivity to sound. UGH! And the tremors are still there but not nearly as bad. So, the more I start researching Ambien, I realize that tremors is a side effect. No, please don't tell me THAT is what is causing this! So, I go see my NP and she says that it can have side effects and cause depression, etc... How convenient... So, I slowly taper off and the tremors start to decrease. Thank God!

 

So, I finally stop and I now take Benadryl which seems to do the trick. However, 3 weeks later the tremors are still slightly there.... And the tinnitus and nerve issues are to. My NP said I could probably switch over to Lexapro with no problem to see if the tinnitus goes away. So, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want off of these medications, because obviously I am not going to stabilize on Celexa abut I am sooooo hesitant to just switch back to Lexapro (she recommends 10mg) because #1 will still be so hypersensative and it will be a nightmare, will I go through horrible Celexa withdrawals while starting that again. I just don't know. Or are these tremors still here because I am still withdrawling from Lexapro and my body wants Lexapro again or I am still withdrawling from Ambien 3 weeks later. I am torn...

 

Emotionally, I feel good, however, I couldn't cry if I wanted to because this is a forced mood. But so scared to move to Lexapro. Or do I just very, very slowly come off the Celexa. Like tapering for a year or so...These drugs are the worst!!!! Any guidance or thoughts would be so very appreciated. Thank you:)

Edited July 6, 2014 by mammaP
Added member name to title -mammaP added paragraph breaks

[dunerbug]

Someone with more knowledge will be along shortly and can advise you.

 

The only I can tell you for certain is that changing meds a bunch can have an intense effect on your nervous system. 

 

If it were me I would try to stabilize on what I'm on and then start a very long taper to get off of it.

 

Hang in there!

[mammaP]

Hi Kygirl, welcome to SA. That is a roller coaster ride you have been on!  I don't have any advice for you myself, 

I have no experience or knowledge of the drugs you have been prescribed but someone will be along soon who can advise you

what would be the best thing to do. I'm sorry to hear that you have been through so much. 

You are in the best place here, have a browse around and read some of the intro threads, we are all in varying stages of withdrawal ,tapering and recovery from being messed up with these meds and understand each other  

[tezza]

Hi kygirl,

Welcome! It sounds like you've become sensitized by stopping Lexapro CT. Yours is a complicated situation. The fact that the Celexa has increased your tinnitus doesn't seem good.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

Alto will be the best to advise you on how you may wish to proceed. She knows more than any doc I've encountered (or read about).

[kygirl]

Thank you guys so much!!!  I sometimes cry because I feel so sorry for my brain!!!  My poor, poor brain:(  I am furious at the doctor who kept calling in the scripts for 6 years and never saw me personally and told me about the dangers of quitting CT or staying on them for years.  Geez!  I was such a mess that my six year daughter was on a play date with a friend and her mom and asked her mom if her mommy died if she would take care of her.  Breaks my heart... I am so glad to have found this site:)

[Lexy]

Hi Kygirl

 

You've come to the right place....Alto's advice is right on.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, kygirl.

 

Well, I guess I'm on the spot now.

 

I think tezza has it right, your system has been sensitized by going off too fast, drug switching, etc. It sounds like the amount of Celexa you're taking is helping a bit but it's too high a dose for you. If I were you, I'd take a bit less, perhaps 9mg, and see if the adverse symptoms lessen.

 

Celexa comes in a liquid, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/

[Karma]

Hi Kygirl

 

To add to Alto's advice, see if you can stabilize on a lesser amount of Celexa a bit before continuing a very slow taper off of it.  Generally, people are better off tapering off of the devil they know than switching to the devil they don't know.

 

I find it very helpful to keep a log of my key symptoms and rate my symptoms on a daily basis.  That gives me an indication of whether to hold my dose, up-dose or whether I am ready to decrement more http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1779-rate-symptoms-daily-to-catch-withdrawal-early/.  Your tinnitus may be one of the symptoms you will want to monitor.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

Karma

[kygirl]

I will drop down and go from there. Alto, so you don't think going from 30 to 9 will be too shocking on my system? Thanks to all!

[tezza]

Please wait for Alto's reply to this, k...She may have thought you were on a lower dose, like 10, maybe.

[kygirl]

I kind of figured that was the case:z -) I am going out of town for work so I am not making any changes until next week at the earliest. Going from 30 to 9 may cause some issues:-)I was thinking maybe down to 25 at the most but let's see what she recommends.

[Altostrata]

My mistake, I thought you were taking 10mg Celexa. If you're taking 30mg, a 10% decrease would be 27mg.

[Rhiannon]

From what you've described I think it's likely that you're still suffering from all the med switches and quite possibly some withdrawal from Ambien too. I'm not clear how fast you tapered it and what doses you were on, but Ambien can definitely cause some nasty withdrawal that can last a while. And you're probably having Lexapro withdrawal too.

 

With all that on and off and switching and up and down on dosages and meds, it can just take a while to settle down. At this point, in cases like yours, changing to another med (like Lexapro) usually doesn't produce improvement. The problem isn't that you don't have the right meds in your body, the problem is that your CNS is struggling to establish homeostasis in the face of biochemical chaos. In my experience the best thing for someone in your situation to do at this point is just stop changing things. Anything. Everything. Just stop. Give your brain a chance to fix itself. That can take a while.

 

AND keep a daily journal. That's very important. Rank your symptoms daily on a numerical scale of 1 to 5. Jot down any particular things you notice that day. Right now you will probably continue to have a roller coaster pattern that won't be closely correlated to what you're doing with your meds, but over time (many months) that should settle down.

 

I think you need to be careful with tapering the Celexa so soon...On the one hand, you're on a relatively high dose at 30 mg and you didn't ever do very well with it, so it might help to come down a bit. On the other hand, you sound pretty symptomatic and unstable, and I'm not sure it's time to start a taper yet.

 

It's up to you. Maybe try a 10% cut and then hold for a couple of months and keep the journal and see what happens.

 

Just my thoughts.

[kygirl]

Thank you all! I may try the 10% and see how it feels. The discouraging thing about the celexa is that this raging tinnitus started from the first pill I took. So the thought of sticking with this drug for a year or two really sucks! I went to the ENT and I am a candidate for hearing aids bc of hearing loss. I truly believe the tinnitus is so loud that it made me flunk the hearing test. And for a 41 year old they were perplexed at my hearing loss. It is mind numbing it is so loud.

[Altostrata]

Tinnitus is a known side effect of SSRIs.

 

As you go lower in dosage, it may decrease or go away. Adverse effects are dosage-related.

[kygirl]

So, here goes my story. After the birth of my second daughter, I battled post partum depression and was put on Lexapro. This was 7 years. I stayed on 20 mg for about 2 years, reduced to 10 after 2 years and then was on 5 mg for about 2 years. No issues at all in reducing the dosage. Except maybe a little weepy here and there.

 

Well in feb. 2013, I stopped the 5 mg all together. After about 2 months, I had a little anxiety and insomnia and stupidly took 5 mgs and my body rejected this drug as if it was poison! Near vomiting, intense anxiety, insomnia like no other, pure hell... So, after 2 to three days I stopped that altogether and did nothing.

 

Fast forward to two months later and I started to have severe internal shaking, depression and anxiety to the point of not being able to concentrate at work. It was like a near nervous breakdown. So I go to a new psychiatric NP, and she puts me on 10 mg celexa for a week and up it to 20 one week later and Xanax as needed. My husband is in the mental health field and very much warned me about the dangers of Xanax. Which I knew as well. When I started the celexa it help a little with the shaking but entirely, it took about 3-4 months for most of the withdrawal to subside. But with this, came a lot of side effects. Severe tinnitus, numbness and tingling in my entire body, a little shakiness and just a feeling of buzzing like I was on something. Point is, I never stabilized to normalcy.

 

After my dog died she even upped it to 30, which only made side effects worse. So, around thanksgiving, I reduced to 25 mg and I felt awesome. I could start feeling my fingers and toes. Some of that numbness disappeared. Started to feel more "normal". So around Xmas, reduced to 25 and the same thing. Started to feel better. I was able to cry:-) then in January reduced to 20 and then March-May reduced by 2.5 increments to 10 mgs. Everything was fine other than minor anxiety until about 2 weeks ago. I started getting severe restless leg and anxiety and low and behold the internal shaking started again. And each day started to get worse.

 

I knew this was withdrawal. So, 2 days ago I took a step up to 15 mg and immediately felt a big difference. Feeling much better even though I feel the shaking trying to bust through and a little agitation as well. I have an appt with the NP about next steps. She has always said that I should be able to switch back over to lexapro fairly easily. Even though my body rejected it when I reintroduced it, should I attempt? Ultimately, I want off this crap! But I am finding it hard to stabilize on celexa. So many side effects:-( or do I try to balance on celexa at 15mg or maybe a little more and then slowly ween off over the next several years?

 

After 7 years, I now know that this going to be hard. But I can't made fast and hard drops. I have a job, kids, and I have to be able to function. And sometimes you can't in the depth of these withdrawals:-( I know I will need the liquid regardless. Had I known then what I know now, I would have gone down another path. They hand these drugs out like candy now a days. It's quite unbelievable... Thank you all for listening and your advice.

Ky girl

Lexapro 20 mg 5/07-09
Lexapro 10 mg 5/09-11
Lexapro 5 mg 5/2011-2013
Celexa. 20mg 6/2013-9/2013
Celexa. 30mg 9/2013-11/2013
Celexa. 25mg 11/2013-1/2014
Celexa. 20mg 1/2014-3/2014
Celexa. 15mg 4/2014-5/2015
Celexa. 10 mg 5/2014-7/2014
Celexa. 15mg 7/2014-now

[dalsaan]

Hi Kygirl

 

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment If I was you I would try and stabilise on the celexa. Your body has spoken on the lexapro. I wouldn't take it ever again. It may take some time for things to settle now that you have reinstated. You need to give it a good week or two after up dosing to see how it goes. We recommend writing down your symptoms so that you can monitor how things are going.

 

In the mean time you can plan your tapering strategy. A good plan to start is the thread on tapering celexa. Here is a link http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/?hl=celexa

 

Here is a link on reinstating to stabilise http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

Wishing you all the best

 

Dalsaan

[mammaP]

Hi Kygirl, I have merged your post with your original thread so it is all here in one place.

I agree with Dalsaan that the best thing would be to hold and stabilise at 15mg for now.

Unfortunately you went too fast and it caught up with you, something many of us have done,

myself included!  I would not consider another drug at this point, it could make things much worse 

for a sensitised nervous system. Things will get better again, it will take some time but hopefully 

the updose will start to take effect soon. 

[kygirl]

Thanks so much for the advice. I will stay here at 15 for a little bit and hopefully my NP will write the rx for the liquid. I bought a scale a while back and it was a piece of junk, so there was no way I could accurately do the pill cutting thing. What is weird is that it takes my body several months after dosing down for the withdrawal symptoms to start. Thanks for listening:-)

[kygirl]

Has anyone else had this severe internal shaking and jitteriness? Anything to take that will help? Vitamins? Beta blockers? Anything??? Thanks'

[Rhiannon]

Thanks so much for the advice. I will stay here at 15 for a little bit and hopefully my NP will write the rx for the liquid. I bought a scale a while back and it was a piece of junk, so there was no way I could accurately do the pill cutting thing. What is weird is that it takes my body several months after dosing down for the withdrawal symptoms to start. Thanks for listening:-)

Sadly that kind of delayed withdrawal is not uncommon and it gets people into trouble all the time. Usually it gets called "relapse" and "you need the drug like insulin for the rest of your life". 

 

As for the jitteriness, that sounds like akathisia...? I don't know of a fix other than giving your body time to adjust, but if you do a search I'm sure there's at least one thread on the topic in the forum. 

 

If you have trouble getting an Rx for the liquid, it's easy to make your own with Celexa.

[Altostrata]

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[Petunia]

Has anyone else had this severe internal shaking and jitteriness? Anything to take that will help? Vitamins? Beta blockers? Anything??? Thanks'

 

I get this, every day, it lasts most of the morning and nothing I have tried stops it, getting cold and drinking anything with caffeine in makes it worse.  Taking magnesium has a general physical calming effect and I'm sure it helps.  Trying to stay calm, avoiding stressful activities also minimizes it. Sometimes gentle walking helps, but only if its comfortable and pleasant.  For me, this symptom has decreased over time, its not as intense and doesn't last as long.  As with other symptoms, it will pass eventually.

[kygirl]

Thanks Petu, I will try the magnesium and see if it helps. It's a horrible sensation like your are sitting on a dryer. It's been going on for over a year:-( I went back to the doc and got the very expected "this is a relapse, not withdrawal". Yep, must be a relapse bc I used to feel like a human vibrator before going on these drugs... NOT! So, I will stay at 15mgs to try and stabilize. Side effects are horrendous for me on this drug though:-(

[Rhiannon]

I know kygirl, this is the hardest time actually because you're holding but still suffering both withdrawal and side effects. There's no way out whichever way you turn. Just hang in there and keep on keeping on, one day at a time, one hour at a time, whatever it takes. You will get through this.

 

As you stabilize more on the 15 mg I think you'll find that a lot of what you are thinking are side effects are actually withdrawal effects and those will settle down too. I'm not even sure that "withdrawal" versus "side effect" is a meaningful distinction in a thoroughly destabilized nervous system--everything's all over the place and really nobody can say for sure what's what. But as time goes along (and it may take some time, I would say "be patient" but I know that's impossible, but hang in there) I really think you'll find things get gradually better.

 

Are you keeping a journal of your symptoms? I recommend ranking them on a scale of 1 to 5 daily, along with noting what med dosage you took and at what time. That will actually help a lot. Our ability to assess subjectively how we're doing is impaired in withdrawal; when things are bad we forget they were ever better and we tend to feel like it's going to be this way forever. If you have a journal to look at, you'll eventually notice that there are some better days, and that can be encouraging, to see real concrete progress.

 

Hang in there and give your nervous system lots of gentle support. It's going to get better.