Aboggusreality: Hi, James, I am 23, i am confused and lost, i need some advice or input

[Aboggusreality]

I began taking anti depressants at 18. I experimented with benzos in my teens and they helped my anxiety, when nothing else would. At 19 i began to drink heavy amount of alcohol, and had a problem by 21.

 

At the time of noticing i am an addict, i was taking an anti depressant and ambien prescribed by my psychiatrist. I abused the ambien from 21-23. During those two years i was prescribed zyprexa and focal for my depression and motivation. at 23 (april 2014) i went through a treatment center and got off benzos, focalin, zyprexa, and alcohol. I am now 1 year sober but still prescribed by my doctor effexor, risperdal, lamictal, gabapentin and ritalin.

 

I feel completely drained all the time, and very lethargic. I don't stay in bed all day, i still work and socialize, but i force myself to. I often feel like I'm going to just scream.

 

However, i was doing better when i first came out of treatment, and had a good job and a loving girlfriend. We moved in together and i began to take advantage of the situation and treat her poorly. She got pregnant and left me. I am heart broken over this, but have not had a breakdown or stopped going to work/socializing. However, i still feel drained, somewhat depressed, and have lost interest in everything. I fake all my happiness.

 

I wonder why I'm on bi-polar medicine in the first place. I never get manic and never have had any psychosis. In rehab they just thought my moods fluctuated, but geez i was getting off a lot of drugs. I really feel my psychiatrist is just robbing me of money. The stimulants have no effect, and i have tried every anti depressant under the sun.

 

I sleep 8 hours a night, and feel tired in the morning. I am not taking care of my house nor eating often. I want to get off these meds and have energy and be the happy boy i was before starting these meds out of desperation for my anxiety at 18. Anxiety is my only real issue, and even at that i manage it well. I want to be a healthy, authentic individual for when my child is born.

 

I feel numb, irritable, and negative at the moment. Everything is a chore, and i don't want to live like this anymore. My current doses of medicine are 200 mg lamictal, 150mg effexor xr, .5 mg risperdal, 1200 mg (2x a day) gabapentin, 20 mg (3x a day) ritalin, and around 400mg of caffeine a day, and nicotine (i work in the vape industry).

 

I also take amino acids, fish oil, protein powder, vitamin d, multivitamin, and ginseng. Side effects from meds since rehab: back pain, neck pain, muscle tightness, muscle loss, head ache, racing thoughts, anxiety, loss of confidence, loss of motivation, loss of passion, loss of creativity. Dull feeling, unable to focus, loose stools, red eyes.

 

I don't trust anyone's advice that hasn't been through this ex. family, doctors, friends. I am really hoping to find advice here. 

Edited April 6, 2015 by Petunia
added paragraph breaks for easier reading

[Petunia]

Welcome Aboggusreality,

 

Thank you for posting and sharing your story, I'm so sorry for everything you have been through. Its not surprising that you don't feel well, you are taking a lot of drugs, but we will be able to support you in getting off them safely, if that's what you want to do. Its great that you want to improve yourself to be a better parent for your child.

 

Please would you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

If you are taking more than one medication, there may be interactions between them, which your doctor is unaware of, these may be adding to your symptoms.  Please put ALL the drugs you take in the drugs.com Drug Interactions Checker at:

 

Drug Interactions Checker

 

You may post the results here in your thread.

 

When it comes to tapering, we suggest reducing by no more than 10% of the current dose every 4 weeks, this reduces the risk of withdrawal symptoms arising.  Please read through this which will explain why:

  

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?  (The general philosophy of gradual tapering)

 

If you're not having an adverse reaction from the other medications, taper the most activating drug first. This is usually an antidepressant or stimulant (ADHD drug).

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Taper the antidepressant first!

 

I'd highly recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. Psych meds can cause harmful side effects and long term, they can worsen health, increasing the risk of other illnesses.  In my opinion they  should only be used for short times and very cautiously, if at all.

 

Its going to take a while for you to safely taper off all your meds, but if you do it slowly and carefully, you will be able to remain functional in your life and will have a better chance of remaining drug free in the years which follow.

 

Please feel free to write whenever you want, you will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petunia.
 

[lapd]

Hey man I experience the same things since being on an antipsychotic, it just gives you a chemical lobotomy, no wonder you feel so bad. I wonder how you manage to hold a job on Risperdal, I can't even get out of bed.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Aboggus.

 

Those drug cocktails are intended to slow you down, and you are taking a LOT of drugs.

 

It sounds like you have been inappropriately drugged for a long time. Dr. Stuart Shipko, a psychiatrist who minimizes drugs, is in Pasadena, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/page-2#entry21322

 

Which drugs of your current cocktail did you start taking first? Which were added?