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  1. Hi. I Hope someone can help. I have been on 15mg Mirtazapine for 8 months, I started it the end of of September 2017. Stupidly, I went cold turkey for 4 days, didnt like withdrawals (lack of sleep, aches and pains) etc, so I reinstated back to full-dose . After nine days back on 15mg I still had not stabilised. I was improving, but getting dizzy spells, some anger and anxiety. So I reduced my dose to 7.5mg and have been on this dosage for the passed 6 weeks and have been through hellish withdrawals. At present I sleep about 4 or 5 hours and wake with akathisia (anxiety) everyday. This lasts till about 12 midday and then turns to deep depression with some suicidal ideation and general low mood till about 7pm when I start to feel normal again. I did not have this morning anxiety, low mood previous to the drop-in dosage, indeed I have never suffered from anxiety. IS IT TO LATE TO REINSTATE BACK TO 15mg ? as I really can't handle this morning anxiety any more. In summery : 15mg Mirtazapine for 8 months cold turkey 4 days reinstatement 15 mg for 9 days reduced dosage 7.5mg for passed 6 weeks. I must also add that prior to being put on Mirtazapine I was on seroxat (Paxil) for 14 years. It pooped out. My gp cross tapered me from one to the other over 4 weeks. So virtually a cold turkey off the seroxat. After six weeks off the Seroxat I crashed so tried to reinstate that but only lasted 10 days my body just couldn't take it. Whilst the last eight months haven't been great on just 15mg of Mirtazapine due to sensitised CNS from seroxat withdrawal, they were a dam site better than the last 6 weeks. In retrospect I think I should have persevered with the original updosage back to 15mg of Mirt for longer than nine days but I panicked as I thought after only 4 days off I should have stabilised after 2 or 3 In short, after 6 weeks on 7.5mg is it to late to reinstate back to 15mg of Mirt and if I do, how long would it take to stabilise ?. Or should I not rock the boat any further and just stay on 7.5 and hope for things to improve, but symptoms are pretty much unbearable at the moment, I am a complete mess . Please help. Any advice would be much appreciated.
  2. Hi I am new to this forum and this is my first post . I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine and 200mg of pregablin , I have been on these mess for about 3 to 4 months . I have just cut my mirtazapine from 30mg to 15mg and in the space of 4 days I have have horrible side effects , anxiety through the roof , shaking , lack of appetite poor sleep crying spells and the general feeling of feeling crap . The reason I have started to withdraw from the mirtazapine is that after 3 months I feel no benefit only get awfull side effects . No help with my anxiety and depression if anything it's made me more depressed . I have gone through withdrawing from Effexor and that was really tough , however just the drop for a few days of the mirtazapine has left me crushed , my doctor told me that mirtazapine was a easy drug to withdraw from , but after 4 days it has left me house bound . Has anyone got any idea on how I get through this or any experience in mirtazapine withdrawals
  3. I am so glad that I came across this forum! I feel like crying when reading peoples stories and their struggle with coming off the antidepressants! I was prescribed Zoloft for anxiety and Depression which I have been suffering for years! Mainly anxiety and panic disorder! I am otherwise healthy. Zoloft caused PGAD that has caused me so much anguish, I feel like I am living in a nightmare! I only took Zoloft for 3 days 25mg and this happened to me! I wanted to and still have thoughts of suicide! I felt that I was some kind of a freak and pervert! It has been 4 weeks and things have improved but not completely gone! I constantly feel burning sensation, and tingles that drive me crazy! I can deal with the burning sensations but tingles I can not stand! I got better then I took a herbal supplement for anxiety and it has come back today! I am taking fish oil supplement and I wonder if I am now sensitive to fish oil too??? Should I stop or cut back on fish oil? I just don't know what to take anymore! I never could imagine that this could happen to me as I was not aware! The doctor did not mention anything so I had no idea! I am naturally a slim person and my only worry at the time was if I was going to gain weight while on antidepressants, and my doctor reassured me "Very Unlikely". I took her word for it and I took the medication. In did not want to deal with, anxiety, depression and plus weight issues as a result of antidepressants! I told my doctor what happened to me and like many others have reported "she has never heard of it". That made me feel so humiliated and embarrassed. The point is that the doctors are not educated in regards to this issue. I recently went back to her and told her that I am still experiencing issued down below, burning sensation ever since Zoloft and she said that it is a coincidence! I am sick of doctors, they are full of ****! You tell them one thing and they turn it around! I just prey this eventually goes away and settles down! If this does not settle down I would consider removing sensitive part of my anatomy! I hate it! I can't stand it! How is everyone else coping with this? What have you found that helps? I have not felt peaceful down below for the last 4 weeks! I have never heard of this condition prior to taking antidepressants. Please help, Thank you.
  4. Hi all , I am 8 months off reinstated sertraline for a month ( by doc) and Aripropazole. History Its around 4 years back when i passed out my college and not get placed even after making to finals in many interviews .. that i decided to write competitive exam for PG. I had taken coaching but just before exam I came back and found myself unable to recall things. My brain is just like nothing in it. I found myself in despair and stopped studying. This fog is happening all the time since my engineering but I managed to get average marks sometimes and sometimes very good . There is more in back history but I ll get to it later. So, my parents took me to a psychiatrist ( family known) and he put me to Olanzapine and one more thing. He diganosed me bipolar2. I got about 10 pounds on it but its not help . Meanwhile after 4 months, with the help of a relative , I got intern in a company and I moved out with fog to a distant city. TThere in a hospital, they put me on floxetine and Amisulpride for 3 months . Then i moved to a private psychiatrist ... where it starts getting haywire . He stopped fluoxetine and Amisulpride . And put me on Venlafaxine and Seroquel... As i was interning, i get usual heat racing in between job times but my doctor convinced me to stay with it . 4 months and I just started feeling agitated due to stress. It happened that I slapped a senior on abusing me and there I left a job I never happened to get physical in my school or college .. but it happened. Doctor told me to scrap the prescription he wrote of raising Venlafaxine. And he put me paroxetine + Oxcarbazepine. In his words , it is best tolerable and has lesser side effects. I managed to get a job by my own and cracking first time. But this time there is lot of work and culture pressure. Its a startup with full of politics . Boss and his boss .. all keep on putting things. Let office aside, I started feeling some well .. overly casual ... excited .. raged .. Iits about 25 mg Paroxetine and 300/600 mg Oxcarbazepine. I had unusual violent acts .. had hit a school friend .. insomnia.. I decided to leave the paxil by asking the doctor . He said half in a week and then other half a week to off. Thats when it all started , i cannot sleep whole night and with day light i start getting a nap. I left going office with fear of state i was in . I cannot wake and even if I .. i was too tired and angry . Doctor then gave me Mirtazapine which didn't help . I resigned job telling muly boss about all and came back home. It was Nov,2015. I start getting yhese uncontrollable rage that I locked myself in a room. Parents took to a local shrink who put me on Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine(CRF), lamotrigine, resperidal, Seroquel. The NEXT Day I woke up so fresh .. all calm like 12 yrs back .. i was smiling happy.. but it lasted only 4 hrs .. and i am doomed again . I took those meds 10 days and i decided to go off. Physical Damage. I got brain zaps as sounds with eye movement .. While on Paxil I got severe neck stiffness and movement pains - which came out as Osteophytes. Anger , heart race , memory, fog , chest pains , fatigue ... All I beared for 4 months. Reinstatement after 4 months. Father took me to another psych who put me on Sertraline+ Aripropazole+ Seroquel. I started having increases restless legs than before and the doctor asked me not to go over net. After 2 visits and when he said it wslas Aripropazole for restlessness all time.. and he is cutting it . I stopped all meds . Withdrawals in 8 months. All first symptoms with some new like utter sensitivity in teeth. It is while breathe in most of the teeth . Muscles gone from forearms .. My left hands gone ulnar neuropathy and i got surgery done when no hope lived. Right hand has stiffness too . MAnger I am living with .. I have stopped talking .. I have decided to go sit on my Shop but I was unable to understand the talk . In spite anger biuts and memory makes it difficult to adjust. I keep forgetting people faces .. important talks . So i stopped . Now I am muted all the time with burst inside . Read success stories and play CoC. This is the most I can write now.
  5. I have been on citalopram since 2009 then it stopped working. The Dr put me on citalopram and mirtazapine combination which worked for a while then that stopped working. The Dr then put me on mirtazapine and Venlafaxine 150mg XL combination which workes for a while again ans then stopped working. The Dr put me on amitriptyline 50mg saying thay would be the best drug for me while i took 8 months to slowly remove each bead from Venlafaxine capsule to come off it. As soon as I took my last beed i went into crazy angry depression. The dr increased my dosage of amitriptyline from 50mg to 150mg but the side effects were horrible and at this point i got sick of these meds and decided to quit CT. I had horrible withdrawal symptoms and i started acting like a child and not being able to walk, had balance problems. I reinstated back to 50mg amitriptyline since april 2018 and i have been getting worse. I cannot sleep. My vision is so badly affected that i have grainy vision and floaters have increased dramatically . I see after images and it's as if the lights have been turned off. When i begin to fall asleep, i start to have dreams before i actually fall asleep and my brain keep. Waking up just before i am about to sleep. I cannot follow conversations, I mishear things all the time. I am totally dependant on others and i feel people think i have gone crazy. I don't know what to do i am getting worse and worse. I often trip, lose my balance. I hardly have any short term memory and cannot do simplest of things. I cannot even watch anything on TV as i cannot follow.it I'm having major concentration problems. I don't know how. I'm writing this. I cannot work or drive. Please you have no idea how i am putting these sentences together. I need urgent help. Please advice. I have no energy, no appetite. If I'm posting this in the wrong place, please accept my appology as I can hardly read and understand things. P
  6. Hi, I have been Remeron since April 2014 reaching a dosage between 37.50-41.25 I also have been on Lamictal since September 2014 reaching a dosage of 200mg. I began a taper of the Remeron with my psychiatrists knowlege, I think at the end of February/March? Hard to remember with my somewhat foggy brain. I am now down to 28.125-tapering at about 10% for each cut. My withdrawal has follwed a specific pattern. I make the cut, feel some nausea but okay, then after about 2-3 weeks have a crash, depression, crying, and anxiety. Then I pop through and move into a more stable period. I think I let myself stabilize for about 10 days and then make another drop. My question is about starting a slow Lamictal withdrawal at the same time. I may be overeacting but when I read about what Lamictal can do to the brain, along with other antidepressants, I want to start the taper now. I do have some professional obligations happening over the next few months but I don't want to stop my progress. I like many others I have read am very impatient about getting off these medictions. They served their purpose to help me after a long stressful period of caretaking-7 years-and then the death of my mom 2 1/2 years ago. Any thoughts or experience about taper from two drugs at the same time. Thanks. Hibari 28.125 Remeron 200mgs Lamictal
  7. Hi. I've had problems with drugs most of my life and withdrawn from things like heroin and methadone as well as finding out that benzodiazepine withdrawal beats opiate withdrawal anytime. I"m also taking 50 mg of trazodone, 3mg of clonazepam, and 0.4mg of clonidine daily, as well as this 15 mg mirtazapine. Now that I've conquered the opiates (more like learned to live without them), I want to be totally drug free. I'm going to mention that I'm also struggling with a sleep disorder that the DSM categorizes as Circadian rhythm disorders: Delayed sleep phase type, which basically means that my night owl tendencies have gotten out of control and I'm sort of stuck sleeping from 10am to 6pm. This isn't something I want, but it's something that I"m trying to cope with and explore treatments for. So, I won't write a novella here. Suffice it to say that I'm looking for advice about and shared experiences of withdrawing from mirtazapine. I also have a degree in clinical psychology and have also had a great deal of experience with drugs and drug withdrawal, so I hope that maybe I can help someone else here.
  8. Hello everyone, At age 4 I developed PANDAS (unknown at the time). It was characterised by extreme OCD and comorbid Tourette Syndrome and ADHD. In my teens I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. At age 7 I recieved my diagnoses. At age 8 I was medicated with Paxil. My OCD improved dramatically. I was switched to Zoloft because of anti-cholinergic side-effects experienced with Paxil. I was maintained at 150 mg of Zoloft for several years. I developed worsening akathisia and emotional numbing. At age 15 I developed severe apathy in the absensce of depression. With the help of my mother over the next 3 years I titrated to 2/3 of a 25 mg pill. I could feel the difference between 12.5 and roughly 16 mg of sertraline, and I could not go lower than 16 mg without side-effects. Due to my lower dosage, some emotional range was restored and I fell in love and started what would become a 3-year long-term relationship. At some point I figured I could do without sertraline. I stopped it and did not notice much. Eventually a creeping relapse overtook me with intense obsessive thinking. I started back up on fluoxetine. It caused bruxism and akathisia. I switched to sertraline after realizing this. It caused me to become hugely dysphoric (with superimposed hypomanic features). I got into a fight and broke several bones in my face. I was sent to a psychiatric ward. I found a study that found that fluoxetine caused an increase in diazepam concentrations by as much as 50%. I decided that I was probably undergoing acute benzodiazepine withdrawal, so I requested to be switched to Luvox, which also vastly increases diazepam concentrations. I have a long history with benzodiazepines which I will not expand upon here, except to say that my GP, who is handling my medication, is always pushing me to go faster on my taper. I got him to approve an Ashton schedule, although I think I would do better if he gave some leeway to hold at a dosage for a while so I can adjust. I stabilized within a few days of the change, and my akathisia was relieved (or masked by diazepam?). I left the ward at 100 mg of Luvox. To achieve further reduction in my OCD, Luvox was titrated up to 300 mg by my GP. This again caused emotional numbing and akathisia. I reduced my dose to 200 mg. I sat at this dose for a while, but by accident, or fate, I started missing a few doses here and there. This triggered intense emotion reactions. Life had me hooked. I had an emotional reaction to a song, and I have told myself that I am never going back into no-where land. I am going to decrease my Luvox to 100 mg, as 200 mg leaves me wishy-washy about wanting to taper. I will request my diazepam be increased to 25 mg and hold for 1 month, and then recommence taper. I have taken an SSRI for the vast majority of my life, and I have a question: Here is what I believe to be one of the enigma's of SSRIs. I know that it is true for myself. I hope to see if it is true of others. At the dose of an SSRI required to stave off withdrawal, the desire to get off of the SSRI diminishes. This can shave years of "living" off of your life. On the other hand, if you CT or cut too low too fast, the withdrawal will force you to reinstate. I have also struggled with intense DP/DR at times. It was at its height when it was 24/7 and I felt like "I", (insert my real name, let's pretend Jay) had died. That was the most excruciating time of my entire life, save brief periods of bash-your-head-in-the-wall akathisia after being given an antipsychotic at a psychiatric ward. Thank you so much to anyone who made it to the end of this post, it means a lot, Peace. EDIT: Also, sometimes when experiencing distress I wonder if it is the SSRI or the benzo, withdrawal from either of these, or just normal.
  9. Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!
  10. Hi, I just came across this peer support group and am delighted as I am really nervous about how I will cope with the withdrawal symptoms. Not looking forward to getting more depressive feelings, suicidal thoughts, crying jags, mood swings, energy slumps. At least with support I can hopefully surf the waves. I still get PMS (32 years and counting!) every 3 weeks and feel like the world is too horrible a place to keep going on - and then my period arrives and I go "Aha! So THAT's what it was!"
  11. Hi All, I desperately need some perspective as I don't know how to proceed and neither does my doctor. Am I still going through withdrawal? Have I just broken my brain? I'm having some pretty dark thoughts (which is a new thing for me) and it's kind of freaking me out. Here's my story. Prior to 2016, at age 36, I had no history of being on psychotropic medication or any mental illness (although I had seen a therapist throughout my years and am a psychotherapist, myself). Then, 2 and a half years ago, after doing much research, I decided to take a non FDA approved drug called Domperidone to help increase my milk supply when I was nursing my newborn daughter. My lactation consultant had suggested it and several people I know had taken the drug successfully. Unfortunately, I had a very bad reaction to withdrawing from the drug (after having been on it for 4 months at 160 mg...the "safest" max dose, according to the literature) and later learned that the drug acts very similarly to Risperdol (spelling) or an anti-psychotic, since it's a dopamine antagonist. My symptoms included crippling insomnia and anxiety, brain fog, psychomotor impairment, agitation, memory issues, sensitivity to sound and touch, and the list goes on and on. It was the single scariest thing I had ever experienced. Having never been on any psychotropic meds before, I was desperate for relief as this was unrelenting after a month or two, and my doc finally put me on 175 mg of Zoloft and .5 ativan to calm me and allow me to get some sleep as I attempted to simultaneously reinstate and taper off the Domperidone. Only after being on the Zoloft and Ativan was I able to do this. I felt so relieved to be off of the domperidone. A few months later, after I had successfully come off the domperidone, I began to slowly taper the Zoloft (which went pretty smoothly) and then I slowly tapered almost all the way off of Ativan. But I found it difficult to sleep more than a night or two without taking at least a .25 of Ativan. Fast forward several months, I began getting what I feel like were interdrawals on the Ativan. My doc tried switching me to Valium to slowly taper off of that and that went terribly. I could not tolerate it. I felt high and anxious, lost my appetite altogether, and the brain fog came rolling right back in. I began to question if I had broken my brain somehow with the breastfeeding drug. This is still my narrative, quite honestly. Finally, my doc put me on 15 mg Mirtazapine to get some sleep and ease the anxiety as I finally weaned myself all the way off of the Ativan. You can see the cycle here. I get put on one drug to wean me off of another. It seems endless. I'm sure many people here can relate. I NEVER needed medication prior to the entire breastfeeding drug debacle. In any event, the Mirtazapine provided such welcome relief and AMAZING sleep!! But I began to gain some weight and decided that I no longer wanted or needed to be on meds. I felt stable and was ready to be drug free. So my doc quickly tapered me off of 15 mg mirtazapine (over a few weeks) and we decided to swap that out for trazadone, as needed (since it's "non habit forming"). And actually, that went smoothly as well. I only took the trazadone for a few weeks, and then I was FREE OF MEDS for almost 3 months!!! So from Jan 2018-March 2018, I was sleeping well on my own (with some melatonin here and there) and feeling like my old happy self. I was so grateful and relieved to have this all behind me. I REALLY thought I was done with all of this crap. Then in March of this year, I had taken 5 mg of melatonin 5 nights in a row (while on a vacation, after witnessing a man have a fatal heart attack on the beach) and my sleep fell apart...and the anxiety, brain fog, irritability, and other symptoms slowly crept back in. I was shocked!!!! I thought I was past this. This didn't feel like my normal anxiety...it felt like withdrawal!!!! So what now? You guessed it. As of late March, my doc convinced me to take Mirtazapine again (but I'm trying to hold out at between 3.25 -7.5 mg per night). I tried just doing 1.25 for the first two months, but it began pooping out on me at that low dose. The problem is: my sleep is still TERRIBLE!!! I have about 2 good nights per week (if I'm lucky) and the other nights, I am getting anywhere from 0-2 or 3 hours. It's torture. I wonder if the different doses on different nights is really messing with me. My psychiatrist didn't seem to know. I'm a working Mom (and have a 5 year old and 2 year old and a husband) and I am in such bad shape. I actually just took a leave from work and feel so much shame around it. I've never taken a leave before (other than to have my babies). My anxiety has crept back in, but so has a terrible depression, and some pretty dark thoughts. Have I ruined my life? I can't seem to get past this. It feels like a never ending cycle and I'm afraid I won't get my brain back. It's hard for me to feel joyful and loving with my kids when I feel so detached, exhausted, and in despair. That's probably the hardest part. I feel so alone and so baffled by what has all happened in the past two years...all because I wanted to nurse my daughter. My brain is telling me that I should reinstate the Mirtazapine at around 7.5 nightly until I stabilize and maybe chill out there for at least a month or so. Then I should begin a very slow and methodical taper. Is there a link on here on how to do this if I take that pills? Will I need to purchase a scale and a pill grinder, and create my own liquid suspension? I can't believe this is what my life has come to!!!! I am just in agony. Please...if anyone has any HOPEFUL words or useful tips, please share. Only positivity here, please. No judgment. Fast forward
  12. Hi All i am finally down to Paxil and Mirtazapine. My doctor plans to taper me off 15 mg of Mirtazapi me. I’ve been taking it for about 8 months. I’ve been on 60 Paxil for 3 months. That’s the next to go.
  13. Hi all. I have been researching psych med withdrawal for the past couple months, ever since i came off Latuda, which gave me anxiety so bad that i couldnt sleep for days, ended up in the ER, on Klonopin, and finally a week stay in the VA psych ward where they put me on mirtazapine 15mg. I am currently tapering off Mirtazapine. this is my 4th day dropping my dose to 7.5 and i havent felt anything different yet. I will keep posting.
  14. Anyone successfully coming off this medication after 10 years or more? I am planning a slow taper process.
  15. Hi I'm new here although I have been lurking for a couple months. Long story short, I ended up on Remeron this past February after my brain went 'tilt' and I went into a severe depression brought about by severe insomnia brought about by my body going into perimenopause. I am one of the ones who truly needed medication and I am fortunate that the first med they put me on was successful in curbing the depression. But I've put on over 30 lbs and I am tired of not feeling 'myself' and having no motivation. I started tapering in October. I am now down to 24 mg of Remeron. The only W/D symptoms I've had so far was, twice I was woken up from a sound sleep from early morning cortisol surges. I am doing the 10% of your last dose method that I found on this forum. Only problem is that my scale goes down only to .01 grams instead of .001 grams. I'm hoping my taper goes well enough that I won't need to purchase another scale but I will if it becomes necessary. Today is the first time I feel more 'normal' than I ever have since this whole ordeal started. I actually baked some pumpkin bread. And I actually feel like doing some house cleaning - something that has gone by the wayside since this past February. So I thought I'd post here that way I can kinda keep track and have an anonymous journal of sorts. Thanks to those who have contributed all of the valuable information in this forum. I wouldn't have felt comfortable starting a taper without it. I probably would have asked my Dr. who most likely would have had me taper much too fast.
  16. savinggrace

    savinggrace

    Moderator note: link to members-only benzo thread - Savinggrace: missed dose Hello, I have been following Surviving Antidepressants, off and on, for a few years but feel I must join now, as I could use some feedback. I have been poly-drugged for 15 years and on anti-depressants for 35 years. I am not sure how much I should write about how/why all this happened, but surely in the first decades, I just let it happen because I trusted my doctors and had no idea what I was setting myself up for. Since the internet made information so much easier to get, I have spent a lot of time learning about what these drugs have done to my brain, my body and and my life. I am joining this forum for two reasons...I am a person who has to taper extremely slowly. In fact, I just read a post of a man (2012) who planned to take 12 years to taper 25 mg. valium and I thought, "well, that sounds about right for me." On other forums, I have been almost laughed at when I admit how slow I have been, and must continue to taper. The other reason I like this forum is that it addresses the poly-drugging situation that so many of us have gotten ourselves into. This poly-drugging, in my opinion, has made everything so much more difficult. I guess there is a third reason, and that is that I have followed Rhiannon on BenzoBuddies and before that on a Yahoo group for years. She seems so rational, calm, and non-judgmental about all this. I have read many posts about not tapering from a place of feeling w/d symptoms. What if I said I have been in tolerance w/d (if that term is used here) for at least 14 years? I have not felt well, and in fact, have been quite sick all that time. About 6-7 years ago I got the courage, after tons of reading to start tapering. After making a 1 mg. cut (less than 10%) of valium, and suffering a near-seizure on the 5th day (that's what my doctor told me was happening and I believe him because 1 mg. valium relieved everything), I started tapering .5 mg/ month. (my signature will explain what happened before that) I did that for a few a year or so, but "hit the wall" so to speak, and tried .25 cuts (cut and suffer method). Very long story as short as possible, I only went from 17mg. down to 13 mg. before I was not able to cut any more and remain even remotely functional. A year or so ago, I decided if I couldn't cut valium, I would try another of my drugs. I have managed to taper 25% with small cuts and holds over a year, but again feel totally dysfunctional and unable to proceed. I think, at this point, up-dosing any of my drugs would require too big of an up-dose, and likely an unsuccessful one at that. I am holding now, but the reality is, I have many co-exisitng medical conditions, some caused by these drugs I suspect, and some not, that I really can't treat w/ meds as they interact with my psych meds and de-stabilize me immediately. I suffer a lot. I have no quality of life. I am 61. I can't go back; only forward. I am currently holding my trileptal cut to give my brain a rest. There is a lot more to share about myself but this was way too long already. How long should I hold? I feel like it will take quite some time before I feel like my brain has adjusted to this 25% cut. (done in 5-10 mg. increments, holding about a month w/ each cut) Here is my signature because I am not sure where to post it: Amitriptyline for 20 years and then remeron, 4 mg currently , ambien 10-15 mg. for 5 years and then updosed klonopin to get off ambien in 2011; klonopin 2 mg. for 10 years and then crossed over to valium 17.5 mg in 2010. 300 mg. trileptal for 13 years; tapered down to 225 in the last year. Holding on everything right now.
  17. Hi Everyone: Here is my background. Diagnosed with GAD and depression while in the service in 2005. Tried Paxil for a while and it really helped. I didn’t like the side effects (anorgasmia) so I tapered off. 2017 rolls around and I fathered my first child. Baby was born prematurely so we had a 3 month NICU stay. Decided the stress and anxiety warranted a trip to the doctor. Started me on Bupropion and Xanax .5mg (7/2017). Was on the Bupropion briefly. It gave me brain fog and poor executive function. Maybe took it 2 weeks. Next appointment was 10/2017. Dr. started me on Mirtazapine 30mg and kept the Xanax as needed. Stayed on it until 1/2018. It definitely helped with sleep but I just felt weird. TON of weight gain. I remembered Paxil really helped me years before and asked for it. Went straight to 20mg (2/2018-3/2018) . That was short lived as it gave me intense heart palpitations and shortness of breath. Went back to Mirtazapine 7.5mg from 2/2018. Did a fast, uneducated taper and stopped on 4/12/18. I googled my side effects from withdrawal: anxiety, paranoia, itchy skin, no appetite, heavy chest, insomnia, lots of racing thoughts and rumination. Sure enough, a fast taper will do these things. I thought with such a small dose, surely, I could taper pretty quickly. Yes ,7.5 is small but it still warrants a long time of tapering. So now as much as I don’t want to do it, reinstatement may be the key. Eventual goal is 0 mg. I am just a high-strung worrier. I’d rather be that than a high-strung worrier dealing with worse anxiety and worse depression because of pills. Exercise has really helped me in the past, I just couldn’t do it with the kid at home but things are fine w the kid so that will be intregal. I’m still mulling over but think reinstating at 7.5 or 3.25 may be good. Stay on it for a while and follow the 10% rule. Maybe 10% and stay there for 2 or 3 months. I have Xanax and Dr will prescribe Ativan but I haven’t taken any benzos since 4/12/18 and hope to avoid them as they are addictive and not very helpful except for sleep. I tried propranolol for a few days but felt heavy in the chest, hard to breathe. I've been caffeine free for 2 months and alcohol free for 8 months today. Anyway, I really appreciate this website and the information. The stories of people who’ve gone through this and have made it really give me hope.
  18. Muddles

    Muddles: Desperate

    Hi there! Need a bit of advice. My father passed away Christmas Eve :-( I have been on mirtazapine 15mg for 4 years. Since my father passed I have been experiencing a lot of strange & worrying stuff which I can only explain as withdrawal symptoms from mirtazapine. Depression - severe, insomnia, mind chatter, body buzzing, twitches, jerks of legs/arms, panick attack, anxiety etc. I went to see my doctor as my friends and family are concerned. She wants me to up my dose but am not sure i should do it. Could it make things worse? I feel upping may cause more problems. I felt sooo depressed this morning and slowly withdrawing from everybody...scared! Thanks in advance.
  19. My first post here... I have been taking Remeron (Mirtazapine) for 16 years. I tried to come off of it in October, but I weaned too fast and have had problems ever since. I tried to taper off of 15 mg. I ignored my doctor's fast tapering plan and tapered from 15 mg. to 10 mg. The first part of the month was fine, but then a delayed withdrawal hit with horrible symptoms including insomnia. At that point I was only sleeping about 4 hours a night. I reinstated so that I could continue to work... back to 15 mg. In hindsight I realized now I shouldn't have been changing doses so fast. After having reinstated now for about a month, I am still waking up every night in the middle of the night wired! Why??? Could I still be having withdrawal symptoms even after I've been back to my original dose that I was sleeping well on? I want to try to withdraw again, even slower but I don't know how I'll do this if my sleep is already so poor! Thank you!!!
  20. How I taper Mirtzapine: I put my Mirtzapine pill in 300mL's of water. After it dissolves, I shake it up and use an oral syringe to pull some water out and discard it. Pulling out 1mL more each night means the taper will take 300 days.
  21. I’m new to this website/forum, but I’ve been researching and finding great information about people getting off their psychiatric medication. I’m 46, and I was 20 years old in college when I experienced my first full blown panic attack (official diagnosis, panic disorder without agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, depression). Looking back (after lots of therapy), I can now understand the stress I was under at that time. But the main point is that I was put on zoloft and lorazepam which, combined with lots of “social drinking” seemed to put a lockdown on the panic attacks (though I would still wake up with some varying degrees of anxiety most mornings). I put my head down and just sort of pushed my way through life, graduating from college with honors, holding a job doing community education / organizing / speaking, shifting gears and going back to school, and then starting my own successful business. Jump to about 4 years ago, 2012 and things just seemed to begin falling apart. The successful company I had created was now failing, a relationship I actually felt invested in was failing, and the hangovers from drinking had become really intense. In short, I ran out of steam. I gave up drinking in the spring of 2014, and that summer decided I was going to get off the damn meds. I did it the “right way,” tapering off the benzos first, and then the SSRI. And though the anxiety would increase while tapering and it was tough, by the end of the summer (early September) I was actually med free! Unfortunately, mid-October the panic attacks returned full force. Again, I can see now that this was a particularly stressful period of my life, but of course I was really disappointed when I decided I just had to get back on the meds (the panic attacks were relentless and excruciating). The problem was that the meds no longer seemed to work like they did before. And now I’m on MORE meds (add in remeron and extra 50 mg of zoloft). I have made some changes, doing lots of therapy, ACA support groups (and looking at childhood issues generally), exercising again regularly, EMDR, meditation, etc. And I want OFF the meds! I know I need to do this slowly, and at this point, I cut the remeron from 15 mg to 7.5 (about 1.5 months ago) and I’ve cut the benzo (now clonazepam) from 2 mg to 1.5 per day (just started that 3 days ago). My thought is to cut the benzos first, then the last of the remeron. I know with the relatively long half-life of the clonazepam, I need to take it slowly. I’m thinking .5 mg every 2 weeks. From the information I've come across, it seems like some taper off even more slowly than that? I'm looking for others to share their experiences with their own clonazepam withdrawal schedules (for panic disorder, preferably). I just don’t know what to do about the SSRI (zoloft). I realize this website is about benzo withdrawal, but I’m hoping to find others with experience on panic disorder and SSRI withdrawal too (as well as benzo withdrawal support). I hope this is OK on this forum? I’ve been “working with the anxiety” (trying to “make friends” with it as they say in the meditation circles). I know I’m less scared of it now, but I'm also not experiencing the full blown panic attacks. My concern is that I would get off everything (including the SSRI/zoloft) and then the panic attacks return, and it takes SO LONG for the SSRI to build up in one’s system. Do I just prepare myself to weather that storm? Will that storm really pass eventually without the meds? After years of trying to make my physiology match the lifestyle I felt I should lead, I’m now accepting the idea that I need to make my lifestyle match my physiology. The panic attacks are just so damn awful when they hit relentlessly all day long, day after day. I’m scared. Is there anyone out there that has had any experience with the meds and panic attacks along the lines that I have had? Are there other resources out there I should know about? Is it really possible that I can live a purposeful (and perhaps at least semi-peaceful) life without meds after 25 years of being on them? Much gratitude . . .
  22. Hello everyone, my name is Nicholas and I'm a 21 years old guy from Italy. I suffered from chronic insomnia from the age of 15 and in mid-February 2017 was prescribed before bedtime the antidepressant mirtazapine at 15 mg and the antipsychotic olanzapine at 2,5 mg. I took them for 2 weeks without improvement. Therefore the psychiatrist increased mirtazapine at 30 mg and olanzapine at 10 mg. Now I believe that he thought I had bipolar disorder type 1 but I hadn’t any mental illnes. I took olanzapine at 10 mg because I think was only a tranquilizer and because I trusted the doctor. Olanzapine made me sleep for 13 hours but I was no longer myself. After 5 days I tried to split the tablet but it gave me a strange effect. So I continued for others 15 days at 10 mg because I really needed to sleep. Then in April 2017 I tapered olanzapine in 1 week because I could not live anymore like that. I took it for a total of 48 days. After this I reduced mirtazapine to 15 mg and 1 week later I stop cold turkey. At that time I took the benzodiazepine brotizolam at 0,25 mg for 2 weeks to help me sleep. The withdrawal symptoms were terrible for 4 months and I have not been the same anymore. When I was on mirtazapine and olanzapine I had eyelids fasciculation 2 or 3 times per day. When I quitted olanzapine the eyelids fasciculation ceased. 2 weeks after withdrawal from olanzapine and 1 week from mirtazapine I started to have frequently intermittent muscle twitching in the left thigh and occasionaly pulsating muscles in other parts of the body. After less than a couple of months they have decreased in frequency and intensity but didn’t stop completely. During this period I was forced to take the antidepressant sertraline and the benzodiazepine diazepam because for the new psychiatrist I had obsessive compulsive disorder with an obsession for the damage of antipsychotics. I did not have anything like that and could taper and withdraw after 3 months in July 2017. Now I think maybe that the muscles twitching have diminished because diazepam is also a muscle relaxant. In August 2017 I started to have continuous fasciculations in the legs when I lie down and less frequently when I sit while I never had them when I move. Few times a day I had pulsating muscles also in the arms and the trunc but never in the face. I never had muscle twitches in multiple parts of the body at the same time. In September the muscles twitching moved for 1 week in the lower abdominals. In October 2017 for 2 weeks the muscles twitches suddenly stopped in the legs and continued in the rest of the body about 10 times per day. When the muscles twitching returned they were milder. Sometimes the fasciculations are so mild that when I looked at my calf I saw them without feel them. In the legs they have become more single rapid muscular contractions than pulsating muscles. Soon after I started to have continuos pulsating muscle in my upper lip. The muscle twitch was very mild and lasted 2 weeks but after it I have sometimes pulsating muscle also in my face. Do you think it is a tardive dyskinesia caused by olanzapine despite I haven’t involuntary body movements? Do you think it could be some other side effect caused by olanzapine or maybe mirtazapine? It’s 8 months that I’ve it. I have been visited by several psychiatrists and neurologists and everyone said it was just stress. Even if I do not have the symptoms of tardive dyskinesia I do not know what else it could be: I’m not stressed and I do not suffer from anxiety, I do not take stimulants, I can sleep, I have had blood tests and I haven’t electrolyte imbalances or hypoglycemia, I did electromyography and had normal results. The thing that worries me most is that there is a very large amount of medical literature that associates tardive dyskinesia with cognitive impairments. If it were to be tardive dyskinesia do you think that the fact that for almost 2 weeks the muscles twitches had almost disappeared means that I am healing? Thank you and greetings from Italy.
  23. Moderator note: Link to Nikki74's benzo thread: lexapro kindling akasthesia Mirtazipine diazepam Help. i recently stopped lexapro after a short taper from ten to five mg over 9 days. i had been on 20mg since 2011 then tapered quickly in June and stopped. This was a few weeks after stopping pregabalin 150mg v abruptly. all this time I was also on 15mg Mirtazipine. my anxiety went crazy and gp told me to double Mirtazipine dose to 30. I lasted 3 weeks of hellish symptoms and was put on diazepam and Zopiclone. im now off Zopiclone which was tough. 6 weeks ago GP told me to go back to 15mg Mirtazipine and add in 10mg lexapro. This didn't help so now have stopped lexapro three days ago but took 2.5 mg last night as am feeling withdrawal. gp wants me to start tapering diazepam as I'm getting worse akasthesia when it wears off or even a paradoxical reaction to it. i have akasthesia. Insomnia. Severe anxiety. Shaking. Muscle weakness. Obsessive thoughts and suicidal ideation as cannot go on like this. The only brief ride break I get is the 15mg Mirtazipine which calms me for 2-3 hours. How can I go on? i am a single mum and have CFS already for many years. do I stay off the Lexapro now? How do I cope with withdrawals, akasthesia, and tapering diazepam?? I take 7mg a day been on it three months. i can't stop in one place and am smoking (just tobacco) every half hour. i got sober in 2013. this is hell.
  24. GirlfromD

    GirlfromD: Insomnia

    Hi im new, I will update my storie when I am feeling better than now. At the moment i can't sleep, i fall a sleep in the morning at 7 or 8. the other day i tried to change it by staying awake for 25 hours straight. And i got a little bit of sleep last night. But today im feeling odd, like i haven't slept for 3 days or something, could the insomania return, in that case me staying awake for so long is a total waste of time!? Should i just go with the insomania and sleep when I can not try to force myself into a better sleeping pattern. Please help! And sorry for my English.
  25. Hi Altostrata thank you for this info. I have just discovered these forums and had not heard of the 10% rule until now. I was on mirtzapaine for about a year and got up to a very high dose of 60mg. It did not help me and I should have been taken off it much earlier instead of increasing the dose higher and higher. Over the last few months I've been trying to taper off it by increments of 7.5mg. Since then I've been getting this horrific feeling of being electrocuted just as I'm about to fall asleep, and am punched awake again. It's left me desperately wanting to sleep but afraid of sleep at the same time because that moment when you're about to nod off then ZAP. I reduced my dose lower and lower and towards the end I sped up my tapering rather than slowing it down as I couldn't stand the zaps and just wanted this toxic **** out of my body. It would have been well over 10% of that dose. I had nobody to guide me through this and didn't realise that at lower doses you need to taper extra slow, not faster. I realise I've been showing all the signs of somebody who's extra sensitive to dose reductions. Now my sleep is even worse than before I started taking antidepressants. I have lost the ability to sleep altogether. No matter what I do, I'm awake all night, and am still getting the zaps. I've been feeling so hopeless I want to die. I often have to take sleeping pills to get any sleep at all, but they usually only give me about 3 hours, a little less. I don't want to get hooked on another drug and then go through this nightmare withdrawal thing all over again. I don't know what to do. What would you suggest? Is it worth getting back on it or just trying to ride this out? Have I done permanent damage to my brain? I need help
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