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Hello everyone, It feels good to discover this site - thank you all for being here. Right now I've run out of everything, my depression has swamped me, I'm exhausted. Doc queried increasing meds, I said no. I realise this would be a silly time to start coming off them, and I'm not thinking of doing that, but the need to stop meds is always in my head. I want to know everything I can about it, especially how to know when to start decreasing. My husband, who is beautifully supportive of me in every other way, is sure that the possible upheaval would be too much for our family. I worry about that too.

Hello all, I've been lurking for over 2 years and finally figured out how to post. This website helped me tremendously while tapering off citalopram. It was honestly the most horrifying and devastating thing I have ever gone through. Almost 2 years out and I'm still suffering with insomnia, mood instability, anxiety and agoraphobia. I started tapering Trazodone about 2 months ago and currently my life is a burning hell. I lost most of my support system while withdrawing off of ciralopram (Father, partner, 2 friends, had to give up my dog and was fired from my job) because my symptoms made me insufferable in their eyes so they all just abandoned me to fend for myself even though it's impossible for me to function. I started tapering the Trazodone because it makes me feel like garbage and does nothing for my insomnia. I've been trying to do a 5% taper every 2 weeks but it's difficult as I am dry cutting. Currently I have not slept more than 3-4 hours in 3 days and I had to take the day off of work. The torture I've been experiencing from brain meds has made me question my will to live on many, many occasions. Is there any hope? Is there any point to keep going? I don't see it getting better, my life was destroyed 2 years ago and I never recovered. I can't eat, sleep or go to the bathroom properly. I just don't feel like it's worth the fight anymore. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 2004-2022 Citalopram 20mg - 1 year taper 2014-2022 150-300mg Wellbutrin - Cold turkey Trazodone: 2014-present tapering 10% per month

Hello all, After some misplaced reluctance to create an account and my own thread, my anxiety is skyrocketing and this is the only way I can think of calming it. I took Sertraline for a single day (did not like how it made me feel + worsened hyperactivity) back in late August/early September, what followed in the next few weeks was an onslaught of generalised anxiety along with anxiety attacks. This was new for me. A week after returning to University in mid-September I experienced ‘flu-like’ symptoms, an all-consuming fatigue, malaise, brain fog, and depression (of which I assumed was caused by these feelings). Due to the increased anxiety I had been experiencing since that one tablet I took in late August, I decided to try the Sertraline again in hope that I could ride out it’s initial symptoms and find my feet and mind again. The week in Sertraline whilst plagued with poor concentration and short-term memory, was blissful to say the least, I even text my mum exclaiming, ‘I haven’t felt this good since I was ten!’; meaning that I hadn’t a care in the world; I felt free again. Because of my work-load at university, I felt like it was best to stop the Sertraline as it was making it hard for me to spell, think creatively, and empathise with my newly formed girlfriend. After the abrupt stop (I wouldn’t call it a ‘cold-turkey’ as was only a single week, I may be naive however in saying this. Please correct me if I’m wrong) I felt okay, able to work, excitable if not a little too excitable, but the general feeling was that within a week, I’d be me again. Two weeks after stopping the five consecutive doses of sertraline, I noticed that I was gradually feeling more and more spaced out with every day that passed until it morphed into full-blown depersonalisation. I felt disconnected, empty, like I was high in caffeine 24/7, or even flying through a dream would be an accurate tell of its qualities. This continued, while getting better slightly with each day passed for just under a month, it’s hopefully subsided. During this period I had tunnel vision, everything seemed blurry and I felt dizzy when out and about/stressful or anxious places. I had what I believe is called aphasia, understanding was fine, I just couldn’t work or produce literature to save my life. My concentration/attention span had disappeared, I couldn’t read articles let alone absorb any of their information. The blurry vision has gone, but has been replaced with an ever so slight static or I’ve seen it being called a ‘haze’, only really noticeable in the dark. My vision seems darker than it was before and I guess ‘not right’, it does seemed to have improved by a smidgen though. Whilst I wouldn’t say that I’m still depersonalised, I still feel a little detached from my surroundings, this can fluctuate in some circumstances, and almost disappear in some. I have double vision that only comes on in the night (early morning), light trails that become worse the longer I stay up at night for. Street lights also produce a horrible glare, this can return to normal levels when not stressed, but if I’m with someone who provokes this, or start worrying + looking for it everywhere, it can become much worse with even entering a shop becoming a behemoth if a task. I am also plagued with a low-frequency tinnitus, sounds sort of like steam, or a quiet tv static. This condition is all I’ve been able to think about since I’ve had it, the anxiety has ramped up, along with my emotions in the past two weeks and I’ve just been unable to function. This has all been accompanied by a slight brain fog and when stressed, pressure in my eyes and head (the feeling of pressure has got a lot better, almost non-existent now). Is there anyone out there with these symptoms who’ve seen them subside/go away? I’ve read online about visual snow and I’m terrified that this isn’t going to get better. I feel like I’ve ruined my life and feel that I’m stuck, dependent on my mum. I’m even worrying about what will happen to me once she has passed. Im really worried that this is going to be my new baseline. Thank you all for this amazing site, Icip.

Hi All, Just a bit of a history. 2013 I got suddenly chronically fatigued and sudden unexplained sexual dysfunction which then worsened into depression. Looking back it was probably severe overworking of my job at the time. Over the next few years I was triated on a number of different drugs, SSRIs, SNRIs, noval ADs that were a new class (can't recall which one) anti seizure drugs etc and later on a few antipsychotics. For the most part I had severe side effects from SSRI/SNRIs but everything else did nothing, like taking a sugar pill. I quite all these cold turkey after months of use for each and had no issues. Sexual dysfunction for my main complaint even though the fatigue and flat affect were disabling but the later I cared little about at the time. Out of my own research I found Mocloemide by 2016 and started that and saw about 50% improvement in depression and gained some energy. My sexual dysfunction improved slowly to an acceptable level that caused me no issues. But due to struggling with motivation and work attendance due to the fatigue I lost my job. The psych prescribed me Rexulti and like magic it worked I was near 100% me again. This was late 2018/early 2019. My sexual function improved further. I had normal function although still not the libido prior the depression but normal compared to the general population as I was hypersexual before depression anyway so not an issue. 18 month later I started having SD again out of the blue and also weird sleep issues like jerky sleep/wake transitions and bad sleep paralysis. It took another 12 months to pinpoint the Rexulti as the cause as my docs weren't versed on this pretty new drug and my psych denied Rexulti as causing SD which I asked about before even taking it as SD was my main concern. So about August 2021 I started tapering and did so over 8 weeks as per the usual info that I could find on google and assumptions based on the psych saying to cut to 50% dose in one go to see if SD might improve. I had the usual withdrawals, all psychological ones but nothing that google didn't already suggest. I never really had withdrawals before so unusual for me. I had some burning pain in my genital area as well but had that once or twice with SSRIs as a side effect. The withdrawals went away after a few weeks. About 9 weeks later the genital burning suddenly came back and within a week or two I got burning and then numbness there and also my lower legs. Then I got soft glans syndrome and completely numb glans and semi numb genitals and saddle area. Few weeks later same burning and numbness happened to my face and hands. Then esophagus and tongue and I was having issues with swallowing, then breathing. I could not go to the toilet properly, 1s and 2s due to retention. Few more weeks, then arm/leg weakness and incoordination. Uncontrolled sweating at the lower lumbar that gave a bad rash and infection. There was muscle jerks that persisted for weeks, feeling of face and tongue paralysis even though I could move. I had some paranoid thoughts about my thoughts in a cyclic fashions and couldn't hear sounds correctly. (eg dog snoring sounded like a kid saying "muma" then changing to a chainsaw outside even though the dog was on the bed) I have had 100s of physical neurological symptoms, too many to list. I have been in hospital 5 times this year due to physical symptoms mimicking other serious conditions like, Spinal injury, GBS/CIDP, heart attack, seizure, stoke etc Due to being so upset and anxiety ridden 3 months post withdrawal I had to reinstate and retapper but chose to tapper from 0.25mg not to go back to square 1 just so I could mentally deal with the debilitating physical symptoms. I couldn't work for months. The reinstating did nothing for the symptoms so what ever was triggered by the withdrawal could not be reversed. During the last 7-8ish months of retapering at 50% reduction each 3 months corresponding to a bit over 10% biological reduction each step I have seen some things improve and some things worsen and many things comes in waves and many new symptoms on the way like tinnius, non sweating hands and feet, visual hallucinations, blindness, narcoleptic like attacks triggered by youtube+ headphone and driving. I am currently at 0.0625mg or 1/32 of the normal dose (2mg which is what I was on) for depression or 1/64 of the schizophrenia dosage. I plan to go to 0.03mg in about 10-12 weeks and then stop 12 week after that. I have also reduced my moclobemine from 300, to 150 and last week to 75mg, although I feel it hasn't got much of an impact unlike the Rexulti reductions which are hell for about 4-6 weeks post reduction, so it's like continuously going through the same cessation over and over while being on it has done nothing to reverse symptoms as mentioned. I am still having bad SD which comes in waves but different combo of symptoms each time. The symtopms are pretty much exactly like PSSD but without anorgasmia or ejaculation issues, quite the opposite in fact. Orgasms are too intense with recently PE being a new symptom I had not had before. I had been diagnosed with FND but I feel this isn't completely correct as this is clearly caused by the Rexulti. Has anyone else had extremely severe neurological symtoms from Rexulti and recovered? If so how long until the recovery? For me this has persisted for almost a year and only partial improvement and I fear it might me permanent like some PSSD sufferers. I have been googling since November last year and still have not come across any cases of this. I seem to be the only one. One other person I talked to only complained of ED and PE that has persisted for years but they got it instantly taking it and only had the mental withdrawals, no neurological ones. Love to hear anyone else had this from Rexulti or other antipsychotics. Cheers!

Hello, I'm new to this forum and I'm working toward tapering off of 225 mg of venlafaxine. I am a 70 year old male, that has been very active and health conscious. My weakness has been depression. I previously had two periods of feeling depressed that involved obtaining an antidepressant from my general practice doctor. I would get to the point of feeling spacey and or lethargic, then do talk therapy to get back off of the drug. These where phase one antidepressants, and I would taper off slow over say 4 to 6 months without noticeable side effects. These events occurred between 2005 to 2008 per notes I still have. I retired from Highway Engineering March 1, 2014. Many emotional events piled upon me during the next five months. The stressors where; retiring and adjustment period, daughter coming home to live with us and get a divorce, a vicious son in law (being divorced), one or two other more minor stressors that I do not recall, and a huge spiritual crisis in which I felt I had not lived as graciously as God would have wanted me to. In July 2014 I became fixated on thinking about all these things. I sat in a stupor for days, lost 15 pounds, thought the devil was speaking and accusing me of my wrongs and tempted me to deny God and just die. My wife asked me If I had thought of suicide and I admitted that I had. She called 911 and got help. They took me to a hospital and put me on suicide watch till they could transfer me to a psych ward for treatment. I was confined for a week and given many medications. I also had a physical problem that they dealt with. I was released to an out-patient psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me he would take me off all the previous medications except for increasing my dose of venlafaxine to 225 mg. I have been on venlafaxine for four (4) years. In May 2018 I stopped drinking all alcohol and also stopped experimenting with legalized cannabis. I quickly felt a bit more energy. I put this energy toward searching the internet for information about venlafaxine and antidepressants. I have learned much, but still want to keep learning. My Psychiatris agreed to allow me to get off Venlafaxine October 4, 2017, after telling him repeatedly about my desire to and why. He reduced my venlafaxine from 225 mg to 150 mg. The short of it is that I did not make it, and went back to the full dose. After learning more about how to decrease slowly, I am ready to try again. I have sought the help of my general practice doctor, who is supportive and has reduced me to 187.5 mg. Since I know that a 10% reduction is better, I cut open a 37.5 mg capsule, counted the beads, and took 40% of those beads, 15, and added them to the 187.5 mg, for a new total of 202.5 mg. I'm also taking daily notes of my physical and mental state, and dosage. I will see my general practice doctor monthly. I will be also talking to my Psychiatrist about my plans. I plan to start talk therapy also. Does anyone have any advise or comments?

Hi everybody, posting this here in hopes of some help with taking next steps. I was on 20mg/day escitalopram (aka lexapro/cipralex) for 3 years due to crippling anxiety that came out of nowhere (never had anxiety before), and despite taking good care of myself (sleep habits, nutritious diet, regular exercise, strong social relationships, etc), it persisted. So after 6 months, I decided to take the drug route. I didn’t notice any improvement with 10mg after a couple weeks so we upped it to 20mg (should’ve given 10mg more time). My anxiety was brought under control without any serious side effects at first. After being on it for 1-2 years, I started to notice that I was always pretty tired and increasingly apathetic despite my good lifestyle practices and having always been an energetic and motivated person. By the end of the 3rd year, I was exhausted all the time with no motivation/enthusiasm, brain fog, and would literally need a nap 3 hours after waking up from 10hrs of sleep (caffeine/stimulants didn’t make a difference). A hard workout (I am a bodybuilder (no steroids tho)) would leave me crushed for several days, like a constant hangover. I was just chronically exhausted and lethargic and, possibly by extension of that or as a separate issue, depressed and unmotivated. I did a 4-week taper from 20mg to 0mg without any issues at each reduction, spending several days at each dose to make sure I was stable before reducing again. I now know that was way too quick of a taper, but I didn’t have any adverse reactions to dose reductions, even after going down to 0mg, and my energy/mood seemed to improve at first. It has now been 7+ months since my last dose because I thought it was just a matter of time/toughing it out after you got all the way off. To make matters worse, my last doses were 10mg that I was alternating with 0mg, which I now know I shouldn’t have done. The only acute withdrawal symptom I had was some manageable vertigo, but the protracted withdrawal symptoms have been hell. Despite great life circumstances and maintaining a good quality diet, sleep habits, and exercise routine, I am now almost always: exhausted, sad/depressed, lethargic, spacey, unenthusiastic, apathetic/anhedonic, irritable, moody, and sometimes anxious (though not nearly as bad as the original anxiety that I started taking the SSRI for). I don’t really enjoy doing much of anything any more and I feel like I could sleep forever. I’m lucky to work a job that is flexible, so I don’t need to set an alarm usually and typically get 9-10hrs of sleep. I still wake up tired every day and often need naps despite never being a nap person before. My sleep quality is good (no insomnia really) My life is falling apart. I’m familiar with the waves and windows, and I’ve experienced one 2-week window, and the very rare goodish day here and there, during that 7-month period, but most days are crap . I have been tracking my mood/energy every day in a spreadsheet for last 3 months, and although I THINK I am doing a bit better now than I was during the first few months, it’s almost negligible, with awful days and chronic exhaustion still being the norm. Given that I am 7+ months in, I don’t want to quit while being so “far along”, and I know that reinstatement is less likely to work now or may even have adverse effects (kindling), but I am starting to consider getting back on a very small dose (<1mg?) to get stable again before executing a proper taper in hopes of avoiding continued PWS. I’m 25 and I’ve basically lost the last 2 years of my life, which I know is nothing compared to some of the experiences on this site, but I’m hoping to get some guidance or input here since my doctor is pretty out of the loop on SSRI PWS (his suggestion was to start taking wellbutrin/buproprion, which I would rather not gamble with). It seems to me that I’m basically deciding between the risk of reinstatement resetting my withdrawal progress and not working/making things worse OR toughing it out for who knows how long, maybe forever, and possibly getting new, even worse, withdrawal symptoms as I know there is a possibility of experiencing new withdrawal symptoms many months down the road. Some context notes: I am still able to consume most supplements (other than 5-HTP and melatonin) without any obvious adverse effects (for example, caffeine/pre-workout and nicotine gum/Zyn seem to be fine, although they aren’t as effective as they used to be) and I still lift weights very intensely since time away from training doesn't seem to help.Point being, I haven’t really been able to identify any trends as far as diet, supplementation, lifestyle habits, etc. causing waves, but perhaps it’s because I’ve been constant with everything. I also tried magic mushrooms (2g) and it had no effect acutely, although the following weeks were slightly better, that could’ve just been a natural “window”. Any insight would be greatly appreciated as I am feeling hopeless.

Hey Everyone, I have been working on coming off of Lexapro for years and this is the closest I have ever been. Long story short, I have been weaning off lexapro after a couple of failed attempts of 20mg. I am currently at 5mg and having severe waves and windows of withdrawal. Looking for a little support that this is normal. I have a week or two where I feel phenomenal then suddenly a sharp drop where all the suicidal fake thoughts intrude. This also includes horrible chest pain, nausea, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia and just an overall feeling of dread. These last anywhere from two weeks to a couple of days. I am unsure about whether I should continue a taper, or if I should hold, but from what I am reading this is going to be a long arduous process. Any support or advise is appreciated. Been reading many of the articles on here and just now decided to try to become a member myself. Thanks so much.

Hello everyone, First, I will start with a brief introduction, followed by my story, and finally, I will describe how I am feeling today. -English isn't my first language.- I am a 32-year-old man, a teacher who has studied psychology. I want to share my story because I found a lot of support in reading stories on this website, especially the success stories. Throughout my life, I have been battling anxiety. It's important to note for the upcoming story that I have never experienced depression. I've always been a very sporty, energetic, emotional, and motivated person. My anxiety mainly manifested as hypochondria, and I began therapy for it around the age of 18. This helped me a lot. I am still undergoing therapy with the same person—a psychiatrist who works both in a hospital during the day and as a private practitioner in the evening where he gives psychotherapy(which is somewhat unique in my country). At around 19 years old, I used Sipralexa (also called Escitalopram/Lexapro) for about 6 months. I felt a bit less excited and experienced sexual side effects, such as delayed ejaculations, it required a lot of effort to reach orgasms. I decided to stop the medication without tapering off, and fortunately, I didn't experience significant symptoms after quitting. About a year later, I started taking St. John's Wort (Sint Jans Kruid) at a dosage of 900mg per day, divided into three doses of 300mg each. I continued with St. John's Wort until the day my story begins. My story I still can't believe that what I am about to write happened to me and is still happening. I know it's a bit unusual to spoil the story, but yeah, I can do what I want with my own story: I'm actually getting better. 24 October 2022, Appointment with My Therapist, who is also a Psychiatrist After complaining about increased anxiety and stress, my therapist suggested trying something stronger than the St. John's Wort I was using. It was just a suggestion. Initially, I declined, and we didn't delve into it further during the session. However, at the very end, and to my regret, I said, ‘you know what, actually I am almost always stressed and anxious, let me try those meds: Sertraline it was.’ 26 October 2022, My First Dose I was prescribed Sertraline 25mg/day, to take in the morning. On this day, I stopped taking the 900mg St. John's Wort and took my first 25mg Sertraline in the morning. A few hours later, I already noticed the delayed ejaculation as described earlier in my story. Later in the evening, during a university class, I experienced a moment of confusion and detachment. For a brief period (a minute or 5), I couldn't see the point of being in class or even being alive. I knew in my head why I was in class and why I am in this world, but I couldn't feel it. Those 5 minutes were the worst thing I have ever experienced. Later that evening, I had to leave the class due to a panic attack, larger than any I had experienced before. (I had never left class before). The day after, in the morning, while working on my computer, I couldn't focus. The letters on the screen seemed too much, and they were a bit 'dancing,' like when you move your phone while trying to read a message. I texted my psychiatrist and was told it could be a side effect that possibly goes away (at this point, I didn't talk about that weird 5 minutes in class). Then, a few days later, I wanted to surprise my dad while he was fishing, as I always did, because it made him very happy. However, this day was different. I arrived at the lake, and there he was, my dad, already smiling because he had a feeling I would come and sit with him for the rest of the day. As he grabbed another chair out of his car, because he always brings one for me, he said, 'aaaa here is my son!!' Normally, that would make me feel so happy, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't imagine why sitting there would make me happy, and it broke me completely. To see my dad confused when I said, 'No dad, thanks. I'm feeling very tired. Just wanted to say hi. I'm going home now.' 4 November 2022, The Day Hell Broke Loose Due to the sexual side effects and the weird moments of 'mood drops' - not feeling connected or seeing the point - I decided to quit Sertraline. My last 25mg tablet was the morning before (3 November). I had taken it for 10 days. 10 AM: I went to the barber, felt anxious, and couldn't relax for a second. I was in continuous fight or flight mode. 13 PM: I arrived home and experienced pure horror, a feeling that hurt more than anything I could imagine. I didn't want to live for another minute with this feeling, not a second. It was too hard. I ran into my big brother's room and said, 'I don't know what's going on, I can't take this anymore.' He asked, 'What?' and I replied, 'I don't know, I have this feeling I can't live with.' I tried to explain as best I could and said, 'I would rather be in a wheelchair without legs for the rest of my life than endure one more minute with this feeling.' (To be clear, I don't want to compare situations of suffering; it just came to my mind at that moment to try to find words for what I was feeling). But now I know, you can't describe this feeling with words; only the people who have experienced it will understand. Later that evening, I felt a bit of relief, but still in pure hell. This is actually a very clear trend/lifeline in my story: the evenings are (almost) always better. At this point, I was without Sertraline or St. John's Wort: the mood drops and sexual side effects were definitely caused by the Sertraline because I did not experience them on St. John's Wort. The next day, I started taking St. John's Wort again. The next months are pure hell, feeling almost nothing (except pure horror) during the day to feeling relief in the evening. Let me explain in more detail: -I will regularly add dates to my story so it is easier to follow. (I always used to count months in the success stories to compare to myself; I know everybody has their own timeline of recovery, but I still compared.)- 4 November - 13 November, The first week without Sertraline, With 900mg St. John's Wort/day again, I didn't notice any improvements and called almost every day to the Psychiatrist (PSY) to tell him I can't live with this feeling. Due to my psychology study, I made sure to include that I am not feeling suicidal. This was a lie, but I was sure I was not going to do it. My psychiatrist made sure I could come and visit at least one time every week and could call or text him at any moment. I count myself lucky to have a person like him as my therapist. The first thing he said was, 'I never had someone telling me about these problems, and it is not described, but that does not mean that you are not feeling this. I am here and I am not too old to learn.' This made such a big difference. 14 November 2023, I told my PSY about possible withdrawal 'I think it's withdrawal!' I said and was told that this is very unlikely because I was only on the medication for 10 days and that it didn't reach my blood-brain barrier. But also, he asked about my theory, how the medication could cause me to feel this way. I told him I can't really explain, and we consented that if it would be withdrawal, it would go away when the medication is reinstated. He prescribed me a magistral preparation of 5mg Sertraline so I could take this instead of 25mg. I will add a schedule, maybe it could be of importance for anyone: 14/15/16/18 NOV: 10mg Sertraline, no St. John's Wort. While writing this, it is getting clear to me that I got even worse: Almost no sleep, more horror. 18 NOV: 25mg Sertraline + 1 tablet of 'Deanxit': never took it afterward (this day I was really bad and called the doctor and psychiatrist on the same day). - As you notice, I actually start going up with the medication hoping it would make this horror go away)- 19 NOV - 30 NOV: 25mg Sertraline - Getting worse, so quick taper- 1 DEC: 20mg 2 DEC: 15mg 3/4 DEC: 15mg + 1 St. John's Wort (300mg) 5-11 DEC: 10mg + 1 St. John's Wort 12 DEC: 5mg Sertraline + 2 St. John's Wort (600mg) - the lower I went with the Sertraline, the better my sleep got- 13 DEC: 0mg Sertraline + 3 St. John's Wort (900mg) 1 January 2023, goodbye to life as I knew it In the following months, the feeling of pure horror is starting to fade a bit and it gets replaced with anhedonia and depression: not able to enjoy anything and not feeling the motivation to do anything. Switching from almost not feeling (except anxiety and just feeling bad) to feeling a little bit of emotion. In the evenings, it always got a little bit better, and I had an occasional laugh but not the same as before where I would really laugh. Important to know is, I couldn't enjoy ANY activity, I actually did things just to distract (try) myself from this empty filthy numb feeling. Example: I used to love photography. I went from a little idea to finding myself miles away in the city to work out a creative photo project. I couldn't wait to get home and share my pictures with friends and family. 'Oh, is it already time to sleep? I want to edit a bit more!' But at this point, I just walk and walk. I don't want to walk... why do I even hang this camera around my neck? ..., why take pictures..., let's go home... why home? What will I do there, waiting and hoping I will feel better one day. Also, I am not able to work anymore at this point due to what I am going through. June 2023, it got a little bit less intense, 8 months into this. As the months went by, I noticed that bad got a little less bad and the evenings got a little bit better: for me, this was huge, but don't expect much of it. Examples: -5 minutes without thinking about all this -5 minutes without surviving -Brief thoughts about getting back to work (before I was very sure I would never work again) In the evenings, I was able to relax a bit and feel positive. Example: Morning,I can't take it anymore VS Evening, it will all be alright one day... Also, I noticed that I am getting DEEP pain when I think about my family or my grandma who passed away many years ago: I start crying, like deep suffering, howling like a wolf for sometimes hours. I will come back to this later. November 2023, am I really getting better? 13 months in It is hard to talk about this now because I just told my whole story, and I am very much reminded of all I have gone through, so I feel exhausted, empty, and scared. Actually, I do feel scared every time I want to say something positive because I think it will all be bad again. I noticed that sometimes I (just a little bit) wanted to go to my family in the evening because I knew it would make me feel better (before it was just killing time, hoping to distract myself). The deep cries and suffering I told you about are giving me relief. WHAT RELIEF? I didn't expect to ever get that again. How Am I Feeling Today 1 January 2024, the day of writing this Story. 14 months in Happy New Year to all of you. I am proud of all of you for still being here, and my biggest wish for this year is for everyone, including me, that is suffering, to say: 'Happy New Year again in 2025, and who knows it really is happy then.’ For me, it was difficult to see all the people celebrating and being happy, but then I reminded myself that if I am in a group of people giving kisses and saying happy new year, no one would know that I am actually not that happy. I think this is a beautiful thing: I will always remind myself that a lot of people struggle, and I want to be here for them. At this point, I am able to play games and laugh a bit, watch series and enjoy it a bit. There are moments where I feel good without thinking too much. The mornings and the bad moments aren't that bad anymore, and the better moments can actually be a bit good sometimes. I am looking for a new job because teaching, standing in the spotlight all day, isn't for me anymore. And when I think about a possible new job, I really see it happening (don't know if I am already capable), but seeing it happen is a HUGE thing considering what I am going through. I Am Tapering SJW In the months before, I also noticed that I am feeling worse after forgetting to take one or two tablets of SJW, and I decided that I want to quit SJW. I made a plan according to the tapering instructions on this website: 10% drop every 4 weeks. I am now at my second drop of 10%, that means 2 tablets and 236mg* of a tablet. *The weight of a tablet is not the same as the active ingredient: 1 tablet weighs 555mg and contains 300mg of the active ingredient SJW. I am calculating my 10% drops on the active ingredient. I am now at 742mg/day SJW (active ingredient). SJW is not known for withdrawal, but 2 days after every drop, I feel (a lot) worse: no motivation, more tired, not enjoying things, mood swings and after about 6/7 days, it feels back to before the drop. So, I am sure I had an adverse reaction to Sertraline, and also the SJW is giving me withdrawal (I used it for more than 10 years, as you can see in my story). The End, for today:p I still have a long way to go, and there will be a lot of moments/days/weeks where I think I will never get better, but I am grateful for the progress I have made so far. To actually believe that maybe one day I will feel good/normal again gives me a lot of relief and hope. One thing that always makes me feel better is to be able being there for people who are suffering, so I will write updates and answer questions if any. Finally, I would like to take the time to thank everyone who is building this community, especially Altostrata: I admire your power to get through all the suffering for so many years and afterwards helping so many people like me. Please know that your work, together with my family and my psychologist, made me stay. Kind regards, Berlin

Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors.

Hi all, I am 29F and trying to end my relationship with Sertraline/Zoloft but have been having difficulty in that I seem to be able to get to 3 - 4 months of 0mg before my mental health falls off a cliff and I become very mentally unwell. I don't know if this is some sort of delay in my brain realising it is without the additional serotonin and whether it is a temporary adjustment thing or permanently how I will feel without medication. By way of background, I was put on 50mg of Sertraline in 2017 for anxiety. Minimal discussion with my doctor about any side effects or how long I would be on the medication for. Stayed on the medication for 3 1/2 years until decided myself to taper down in 2020. I did research on how to taper and tapered over a number of months, reducing by 50% each time by splitting my pills until I got to 25mg and couldn't split the pills any smaller. During this time, I had minimal withdrawal symptoms, some headaches and digestive upset but nothing too debilitating and they usually went away after a week or two of the reduction in dose. Then in March 2021, following 3 months of 0mg, I had an intense mental episode where I became extremely anxious, depressed, intrusive thoughts and was very unwell. Looking back I notice that the mood had been dropping over the 3 months of 0mg but the symptoms worsened very suddenly. Following a month of difficulty, doctor advised restarting sertraline 50mg. Noticed some improvement upon restarting and then spoke to a Psychiatrist in July 2021 who advised increasing to 100mg and told me 'I could be on this medication for the rest of my life no problem'. The issue was now I didn't want to be on this medication and felt like I couldn't come off it. In particular, I noticed that I am flattened and blunted somewhat on the medication and had worries that this was stopping me feeling attraction or starting a relationship with anyone (don't know if anyone else has had issues or worries about this? I don't mean sexual symptoms in that I don't have no feeling in my genitals or difficulty orgasming - this is more in terms of actually having a romantic interest in someone in the first place). Maintained 100mg for about a year and then decided to reduce again, following the same pattern and again with minimal withdrawal symptoms. The same thing happened again, was largely fine for 3 months but then went away travelling in February 2023 and was struggling and ended up returning home early. From February to March 2023, I was struggling with anxiety and depression but not completely debilitating. Then in April 2023, again it was like my mood fell off a cliff and I had another severe mental illness episode with depression, anxiety etc. I suppose I am coming here looking for advice and support and to see if anyone else has had similar symptoms as I am not able to get answers from the medical community so questions as follows: - has anyone else had minimal symptoms throughout the tapering process and initial 3 months or so of being on 0mg, only then for severe psychological symptoms to set in around 3 months? Due to the gap of time where I am ok (i.e. the 3/4 months), I think most medical doctors view this as a resurgence of original symptoms rather than withdrawal but the symptoms are much more severe than they were before I started medication. My issue I suppose is that I don't know whether this is a temporary thing as my brain is freaking out at no longer having the extra serotonin available and whether it will eventually adjust to the lower levels and therefore whether to push through and try to cope with the psychological distress in the hope it will pass or if I need to go back onto Sertraline. I suppose I'm looking for hope that if I just try and cope with the anxiety and depression, it will eventually lift and I'll get through it and I'll come out the other side but I can't seem to find any advice or information to give me this hope. Thanks, KF2694

I posted these in a thread but only one person has downloaded them according to the stats so i wanted to give better access to them because they're really very helpful to me and I know they've been helpful to a lot of other folks in withdrawal too. I have a set of CDs that have simply at times worked wonders allowing me to rest, if not sleep. These tracks are no longer available for sale so I uploaded them that you might be able to use them too. See what you think. These are actually a very expensive set of highly technological sound science...the company went out of business, but I think not for lack of quality, but instead poor marketing. The first 3 tracks are the first CD...they are the beginning...and you're supposed to work your way up...I found that it was really like that...where I didn't even tolerate the others for a long time. Of note: when my nervous system was most deeply fried, even these Tracks irritated me. It took a couple of years before I tolerated them. Most people, however, find them helpful long before I did. I know several people who really like them. We’ve done some passing around of them among ourselves in benzo withdrawal circles. The first three tracks were my favorites for a long time but now I've moved on to the others too...the first three are the gentlest and for a long time were the ones that worked best...now with more resilience I like them all...they all do different things. I sometimes just listen to them on a loop for hours. It’s good for relaxing any time of the day and it can also help me meditate when the chaos in my autonomic system is too loud to manage without the CDs. Mod Note: The Previous Links No Longer Worked, so I have supplied a link to similar sound tracks, which are also posted in a future post in this thread. http://beyondmeds.com/2013/03/05/soothing-healing-sound/ VERY IMPORTANT -- USE HEADPHONES they're really fantastic and now they're free...

Hello, I stumbled upon this forum while looking for support through an unfortunate situation I'm in. I visited a similar site 3-4 years ago when tapering from benzos and it was incredibly helpful. I'll try not to write a book in my intro, but I do want to be thorough. I have been on SSRIS for most all of my adult life. I'm 35 now and began with Paxil when I was 18. Over the years I switched from Paxil to Prozac to Lexapro to Luvox. I'm well-versed in how helpful the medicine can be in crisis, but also in how they can cause crisis. Long story short... I had been taking Lexapro since the beginning of the pandemic for depression, panic attacks, and OCD. My most recent dose, 40 mg, was targeted at the OCD, and had been in place since about February of this year. While it did help minimize OCD symptoms, it caused emotional blunting and now recently a spike in panic attacks. I told my psychiatrist I was experiencing the concerns and inquired of different medicines. He suggested a fast taper off Lexapro over three weeks (40 to 20), and then a direct switch to Luvox. Life has been a bit of a nightmare ever since. Shortly after starting the Luvox I began experiencing increased anxiety, anger and irritability, a lack of feeling in control, and physical symptoms such as dry mouth, cough (ongoing), and chest pain and tightness (also ongoing). After some back and forth phone conversations I was able to get in to see my psychiatrist yesterday. At this point I'm barely functioning. I don't go out at all, and I just feel....out of sorts. High anxiety, crying spells (or attempted crying spells, thanks to the emotional blunting), and a lack of hope or drive. After explaining all this, my psychiatrist told me to stop taking the Luvox immediately. He plans to put me on Effexor, but wants to wait about a month since he's going on vacation in a week. I'm pretty well versed in these meds, so I was pretty upset, given the likelihood I'm already withdrawing from the Lexapro, and would now add a Luvox withdrawal to the mix. His solution was for me to try positive thinking, not worry so much, and if needed, start 5 mg. Lexapro on Monday to hold me over until he returns and prescribes the Effexor. I'm beside myself, to be honest. I've always held my psychiatrist in high regard, as he spent two years helping me taper from Klonopin, but this incident is really bothering me. I'm fearful that these withdrawal symptoms will be ongoing, and waiting to start the Effexor will just make things worse. As I said I'm already having trouble functioning, and spend most of my days lying in bed. I have a full time job that I do not want to lose, and my friendships and relationships are struggling. To be quite honest, I'm hoping to find some validation here that my fears about this process are valid, as well as support through the next few weeks. I have Hydroxyzine, which does seem to take the edge off, but it makes me so drowsy I don't want to do anything. Thank you for any support you can provide during this very difficult time. TG

Here are two articles I read this morning that are demonstrating an increasing understanding of the relationship between the health of your microbiome and your guts and mood and anxiety. It is being found there is a direct link and highlights the importance of your diet. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuroscience-in-everyday-life/201908/gut-bacteria-can-influence-your-mood-thoughts-and-brain https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gut-health-and-anxiety

Hello everyone, i am in need of dire help, my life is on a razor's edge at the moment. I have had depression for the majority of my life but as of today im on the cusp of my depression leading me to the worst situation i have ever been in. I am 34 years old and this post is about my most recent experience on the ssri escitalopram. I had suffered from a delibating traumatic experience which lead me from one hellish experience to another. It started with me experiencing a concussion march 2019 which spiraled me into post concussion syndrome and consequently worstening depression poor concdntration etc i avoided ssris and fast forward 8 months later nov 2019 i lost my 5 month old puppy who was my support dog for my post concussion syndrome to a deadly virus called parvo. I was in a strong depression afterward and my mother who is a psychiatrist prescribed me escitalopram 2.5 and ativan.5 . After my puppy died i could not even leave my room i was crying everyday. I could not function and i felt at that point that even though i was against any ssris i would take the escitalopram. Against my better judgement i took it the first couple weeks i had increased anxiety but slowly i began to function better and my crying spells and s thoughts diminished. I had began to regain my confidence a month in and met new friends. I had upped the doseage to 10mg and was on 10 mg until sept 2020 where i began to wean off until Nov 2020 because i felt like the escitalopram was just making me feel nothing and i was becomimg more arrogant and egotistical almost maniacal which wasnt myself I weaned off completely by Nov 2020 with little to no withdrawal symptoms. I felt like i wasnt very happy but i also wasnt very sad more like in the middle with slight ups and downs. Fast forward to March 2021 i was in a rocky relationship which was making my moods and emotions unstable i began to feel more irritable i wasnt enjoying life as much i was when on the escitalopram. I started having more insomnia, began to feel a little more depressed by april 2021 i had contemplated reinstating escitalopram this was the worst decision of my life i looked down at the bottle and instead of contacting my mom i simply decided to take 10 mg from the beginning for 5 days then upped the dose to 20mg what followed is a nightmare im still living in today. When i felt the escitalopram was making me feel sad uneasy i contacted my mother she told me i could not start from 10 then go to 20mg and that i should stop now. After i stopped cold turkey i began having the withdrawals within 2 days of stopping everyday for 4 months. Started with the flu like symptoms for 2 days then the massive headaches, short term memory loss, dizziness,inability to concentrate, massive insomnia,rage anger, derealization, for 2 months after the headaches,dizziness went away came the massive emotional instability,crying everyday,s thoughts and attempts, waking up with complete terror, very deep dark thoughts in the random times of the day, body aches felt like my body was itching for a drug burning like fire ants all over it. Fast forward now its been 4 + months my previous withdrawals like headaches,dizziness,rage,insomnia have went away now i have extreme depression s thoughts everyday, ocd, dysphoria,dont want to do anything but stay in my room, im like a child who needs babysitting just to keep me from doing something stupid like the s thoughts and urges. I have read on here that reinstating can be an option. I feel like my brain chemistry has been altered to a point where im now dependent on psychiatric drugs. Before this i never had such strong urges and thoughts for self harm. I had depression but i wasnt this unstable now i feel like im very close to the end. I read that reinstating at >1mg of the original ssri taken can provide relief i have done this before during the withdrawal symptom stage at 2.5mg and it made my brain feel "numb" and my symptoms even worst so i quit about 4 days in. Im now trying 1mg this has been my second day trying. I believe im now in the stage where im post withdrawal and depression has returned to worst levels than before due to stopping cold turkey. Im taking daily video diaries to see how im doing. 1st day i took it at night and noticed a slight improvement in mood, dreams were extremely vivid and strange woke up in the middle of the night went back to sleep hour later after taking unisom sleep pills. Woke up with body anxiety took 750mg of gaba was relieved of anxiety. Then first half of the day i noticed colors were brighter and mood was slightly increased. Then a couple hours i had a hard crash bad deep dark thoughts, traumatic memories, s thoughts and urges same sadness. Took another >1mg followed by .5 klonopin fell asleep 2 hours woke up heavy drowsy still feeling sad. Then hour in i noticed improvement most likely klonopin its the only thing i used before that helps but i never take a half pill a week because im terrified of benzo dependence/withdrawal. Today is my second day on >1mg of escitalopram i woke up with diminished s thoughts. My question is this me restarting the escitalopram a good idea and how long should i stay on it lets say if this does actually work and will my s thoughts be there forever because they are so strong i want to admit myself to the psych ward but am afraid they will put me on more drugs. I feel so hopeless at this point. Ive been taking every supplement i could find throughout the withdrawals. If i had just known to retake the the 10mg of escitalopram during the first few days of withdrawals i believe i would have never gotten to this point.

Greetings everyone! I'm hoping for some advice from my fellow members. I've been on Zoloft (50 mg) for 20+ years for depression. I tried getting off Zoloft twice during the past 5 years due to zombification (I was no longer crying or laughing) but both times experienced brain zaps and severe depression during the taper. (As an aside, my primary care physician, who knew I was tapering, told me to undergo a brain MRI because of the brain zaps. Neither of us realized the brain zaps were from the SSRI discontinuation.) Ten months ago, I decided to try to get off the poison once again. I've been tapering more slowly and am now down to ~10 mg/day but am feeling depressed again. No brain zaps this time. I take magnesium, fish oil, Vitamins B, C, and D. A week or so ago I started taking 5-HTP 100 mg at night to help boost my serotonin level now that I'm on a very low dose of Zoloft. Unfortunately, I'm now also experiencing acute anxiety, which I've never had before. Has anyone else experienced new onset anxiety either during SSRI withdrawal or from 5-HTP? I'm determined to succeed this time but am struggling immensely with crippling anxiety. I'm looking forward to death. Any help, including supplement or diet recommendation, would be greatly appreciated.

Topic title: exhaustion the day after light gardening or paddleboarding Big Decision to make - I am supposed to go to France for anniversary trip next month. Since March or April not sure when, after I do some exercise or light gardening, I am overly exhausted and have leg pain the day after with low mood. I feel I am stuck on the couch not able to do anything. I'm wondering if there is something I can do to improve my stamina and be able to go on this trip (it is not booked yet) because I really want to go away with hubby but he is concerned of spending alot of money on a holiday and not being able to sight see as he wishes, he does not want to be stuck in a hotel room somewhere. Diagnoses - MDD, cPTSD, Effexor - 225 to 47 mg since March 2018. Been on several antidepressants and anti anxiety pills since 1996. Supplements, Omega 3, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, D-Hist, Estrofactors (hot flashes - menopause), Probiotic, Adrenal PX Balance, Curcumin, Iron twice a week, B12 keeps me awake but I am low according to my naturopath so will try to talk half the dosage. Melatonin and Magnesium Glycinate for night time. Thanks for your suggestions. My first post here.

Hello everyone,❤️ I am a 36 year old male. Today I will be sharing my journey through withdrawing my over 20 years use of Effexor xr 150mg. I was first giving Effexor for depression caused by a separation anxiety. This was during my high school years wile I struggled with feelings of social phobia. Effexor seemed to blunt just about any fears and anxiety I had for a number of years but as time went on more and more side effects emerged some very scary. I tollirated most of sides just from the fear of withdrawal. I had previously had failed at least 3 failed attempts and one cold turkey in 2003 for 6 months unaware of what was happening to me both physically and mentally. Doctors were clueless and just represcibed the Effexor after that 6 month ordeal indefinitely. Fast foward 2016 a had gone under a few surgical procedures for a lumbar disc herniation with the last two resulting in a fusion. Around that time 2017 2018 I was having more and more increasing side effects from effexor and felt it was no longer working. I would have exercise intolerance,moments of narcolepsy type episode's, increased nerve pain. Visual snow, poor circulation diagnosed as Reynolds syndrome and more. I decided to seek help in disscontinuing effexor and was given an option to try to reduce from 150mg to 115.5mg immediately regretted as I could not drive my vision was on a rolorcoaster and I was having moments of just needing to pass out. So I went back to 150mg. Fast forward a few weeks my physciatrist introduced zoloft at a low dose and had me try again. At this time I was determined to muscle through. During a six month cross taper to zoloft max 100mg dose. My Final dose 37.5mg of effexor was February 20, 2020 and the withdrawl have been dibilitating waves and windows ever since. Lost job, home and hoping to keep my family around. Things seemed to have gone terribly wrong on July 12, 2020. On June 13, 2020 i dropped the zoloft to 50mg. One month later I was hit with an inability to walk or maintain any strength. I decided that day to updose back to 100mg zoloft. The days that followed were complete hell and multiple ER visits. Parkasins symptoms bobbing head neck weakness studdering speech spastic gait, spine spasticity, calf muscle cramp and faciculationts just a nightmare. One of the last ER visits left me with a diagnosis of post lateral sclerosis to be determined I guess because most my weakness was in my left side. New medications added since July included 5mg Valium twice per day and 2mg tizanadine or Zanaflex 3x a day I reduced two weeks later to only 2 times a day for the sake of staying awake. I have been bedridden since July after that episode. Waves and windows still apparent but very much less because of all the other medications. Psychiatrist is continuing the withdrawal plan keeping the other medication to reduce symptoms. She feels I may have had an adverse reaction or serotonin syndrome. Holding on to hope and my faith you guys are not alone 🙏 ❤ Present Dosing Regimen: Oct 9 [v] 7am 50mg Zoloft 5mg Valium [v] 12pm 5mg Valium (v] 3pm 1mg Zanaflex( mod. note- tizanidine, muscle relaxant) [v] 8pm 2mg Zanaflex Effexor Xr 150mg for 22years, discontinued from 37.5 mg February 2020 Discontinued because of Increasing side effects - Anhedonia. Blurry vision, exercise intolerance, weird adrenal fatigue episodes, increased anxiety, left sided weakness extending to feet, increased nerve pain, weird zoom Out episodes.

Hello, I am Adriana and I am 32 years old. It all started with severe headaches almost 10 years ago. I have been taking Cipralex 5 mg/day, Lamictal 100 mg/day, and Xanax 3 mg/day for almost 4 months ( November 2022). The major issue is that I have been trying different antidepressants for 4-5 years, anxiolytics, and other pills ( Depakine, Carbamazepine, Gabapentine, Painkillers...etc). My headaches started suddenly and they were severe, I lost a lot of weight and was tired all the time. At the hospital, the doctors treated me for migraines after a series of investigations ( I was diagnosed wrong with multiple sclerosis), seeing that the pain did not disappear, I started to be afraid that I have a disease that the doctors could not find, I had to resign from my job. After 3 months of searching for a disease, I still felt horrible: headaches, laying in bed all day, being afraid of death, of going out, and feeling extremely tired. Then my parents decided it was time to go to a psychiatrist. I was first prescribed Cipralex 10 mg/day and Bromazepan when needed. Then the panic attacks appeared, also the majority of side effects: trembling, insomnia, nausea, and so on. After a week the doctor decided to give me Rivotril and sleeping pills to counterattack the side effects. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the exact amount of Rivotril given, but it was a small dose. But it did not go well as the doctor promised, and after 2 months I was the same. She changed the treatment with another antidepressant, and it began to be frustrating so I decided to find someone "better". The next doctor gave me Anxiar ( when needed and) Carbamazepine along with Cipralex. My headaches started to be even worse. I started to take strong painkillers, I could not sleep at all during the night. I was treated for sinusitis too. I started going to a psychologist, I explained the whole situation and he sent me with the MRI to a neurologist to check if it is neurocysticercosis. I started to be more and more afraid. For almost 4 years I have been prescribed all types of antidepressants and anxiolytics, painkillers, sleeping pills, and so on. I had lots of ups and downs but the headaches didn't go away. The doctors started to check if I had: epilepsy, Lyme disease, neurocysticercosis, encephalitis, and meningitis, so I spent a lot of time in hospitals. Then I found a psychiatrist that prescribed me Paroxetine 20 mg/ day and Xanax 0,25 mg/ 3 times per day. After a month I started to feel a bit better, I was working and having a "life" again. Then the tolerance to Xanax appeared. I started to take more and more. The maximum amount given by the doctor was 4 mg/ day, but being an addict at that time I went to another doctor to prescribe me more pills. In 2 years I reached a maximum dose of 9-10 mg per day. For me, they were like an escape from all the things I felt: panic attacks, headaches, insomnia. After a while, they did not work anymore, so I started to withdraw them alone, along with the antidepressant. In 2 weeks I removed them completely and in a few days, I got to the hospital for weaning. In the hospital, they made some analyses and I was suspected of pituitary adenoma, this was the moment when I started to be nervous and to have breakdowns. After multiple investigations, it turned out to be a false alarm. My psychiatrist increased the dose of Paroxetine to 40 mg/day and gave me only 4 mg of Xanax. I had more pills so I took 7 mg, then 6 mg of Xanax per day. I have to write an entire novel to explain everything: how I felt, how I was treated, my breakdowns, my ups, and downs, investigations, etc. 2 years ago I started to decrease the amount of Xanax from 6 mg to 3.5 mg/day today. My psychiatrist suggested multiple times hospitalization to withdraw all the pills, specifically Xanax, but I was too afraid to do it and also the conditions in the hospital are horrible. Although I repeat myself, the headaches were severe, they still are. When the breakdowns were worse and more often, I found another psychiatrist. After so many years of taking Paroxetine, I had to withdraw it in 2 weeks, so I could get back on Cipralex, but I mentioned that it caused me in the past severe anxiety, suicidal thoughts, no friends, no job, and no relationships. I was lying in bed all day watching movies, tv series, eating, sleeping, and gaining weight, feeling horrible, miserable, a shadow, a victim, I did not want to live anymore, but paradoxically I am afraid of death. I forgot to mention that I have 5 years of taking almost every day Paracetamol. Additionally, I was prescribed Lamictal, from 25 mg/ day to 100 mg/ day, and 3 mg/ day of Xanax. I have been diagnosed with sinusitis and it needs surgery, so I hope some of the pain will go away. I am supposed to increase the dose of Lamictal, but I am having a rash, and puffy, red, itchy eyes. I need help, I need advice. I do not know what I have to do, withdraw all the pills or just some of them. Taking them is not the solution after so many years. Maybe some of you had a similar situation and can help me. Thank you a lot!

Hi everyone , quick overview of my history 1) took Lexapro 20-25 mg from Oct 2019 - March 2020 - subsequently cold turkeyed off of it because I didn’t know better - consequently developed akathasia 2) took Paxil (can’t remember dose) from June 2021 - Oct 2021 - this is where the real nightmare started , I developed PSSD and wanted off as soon as possible - subsequently cold turkeyed off of this I found this website in Nov 2022 after suffering for a long time and not knowing what was causing my issues . I decided to play smart guy and try and treat my nervous system with Ketamine and later Psilocybin . While giving me incredible insight and healing into the original causes of my trauma and anxiety/ depression , they (specifically psilocybin , ketamine actually seemed to help albeit only temporarily) caused my nervous system to be more jacked up, and my akathasia to become worse . Which leads me to today , I’m jacked up as all belief, can’t sleep , in pain and frankly having lots of suicidal ideation (no plan on actually acting because I want to stay and fight my ass off ) So this leads me to my question , Do I reinstate Lexapro and take the time to do a proper taper ? I obviously don’t want to make things worse , but God I am jacked up and feel like I’m on the verge of losing my job which I actually like doing . thanks , snowguy34

Hello thank you for allowing me to join. I’ve been polydruged for more than 25 years for depression, anxiety, insomnia after my companion was killed. Instead of allowing me to mourn properly they just kept throwing drugs at me. I have been able to taper stop most medication’s, but unsuccessful stopping benzos. After 30+ years on benzodiazepines began tapering and started having grand-mal seizures. If I go below 1 mg of KLO I become bedridden catatonic and have seizures. Prescriber says I need to be on benzos for life -new doctor says BS. I need to come off because they’re linked to dementia. I’m now experiencing tolerance withdrawals and severe memory problems;senior citizen. I have tried liquid and dry micro, tapering unsuccessfully of benzos. I have the Ashton manual, but have trouble converting to V AL .Thank you for your time.

Hi, relapse/recurrence & types of withdrawal: new withdrawal symptoms, rebound, persistent withdrawal symptoms(PWS), post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). https://psychscenehub.com/psychinsights/diagnosis-and-management-of-antidepressant-withdrawal-the-hyperbolic-curve-and-ssri-withdrawal-2/ The course of psychotic depression is well described in literature however there is considerable variation between individuals. I don't get withdrawal symptoms when reducing medication. However my attempts either 1) stop cold turkey (yes not a good idea) and 2) reducing hyperbolically over a year to 0mg (first QUE 800mg then VENL 375 mg) resulted in a relapse 12 months later. This comes out of the blue with rapid onset which needed hospitalization. The 12 month period is almost symptom free. So what is this called and what is the underlying mechanism as I can't seem to find it back in the literature? Is this a new type of delayed withdrawal? or just a natural occurrence and part of the course of the illness? Tapering in psychotic depression is particularly tricky because of 2 medications. Yes 1 at a time, which one first, Reducing to maintenance dose ( which I don't know as I have relapsed consistently) or infinitely slow and hyperbolic reduction over years. The probability of success is only with hindsight. For some the risk is a too high price to pay. Biquelle.

This link is to an interview with The Deputy Director for Safety at the FDA's Division of Psychiatry Products. The FDA's stance is that they determine efficacy but safety is subjective and is largely up to doctor and patient to determine for themselves based on individual circumstances. He went on to state that it is up to the patient to thoroughly research each drug for themselves and that informed consent is basically up to the patient. That pretty much says it all. It also goes on to discuss what is lacking in the studies and the FDA's official response is that their data on withdrawal and long term effects is seriously lacking and needs improvement but that it is very hard to do all of that which is why it doesn't get done. It also states that the drug companies tend to prefer a certain level of ambiguity when it comes to safety. WTH??? 🤬 https://www.theinnercompass.org/blog/are-psychiatric-medications-safe-fdas-answer-may-surprise-you

Another recent study that is showing that there are viable alternatives to medication has been completed. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/01/31/gut-microbiome-anxiety-depression/ One thing I have learned through all of this is that all of the psychiatric medications and many of the other chronic medications deplete the gut microbiome. If this study is correct then taking microbiome depleting psychiatric medications would only lead to more depression and anxiety due to this depletion. More evidence that these medications are junk. Change is coming 😉✌️😺😺😺

Hey everyone, My name is Abby and I have been off Prozac for 3.5 months now. I'm currently experiencing intense withdrawal and the return of mental states I never thought I'd have to experience again, and I would really like to connect with others who are going through similar during this long, difficult process. Background info: I always had tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (the Pure-Obsessional variety) since childhood. At 16 these symptoms very rapidly became so severe my whole life fell apart within a matter of days (Going on the contraceptive pill at this time may have been a contributing factor). I didn't have a full breakdown until I was 18, at which point I was taken to the doctor, put on Sertraline, and referred to psychiatry. The following 8 years consisted of several psychiatric admissions, different drugs including clomipramine, seroquel, mirtazipine, prozac, and possibly a few others for shorter periods. I lost pretty much everything, my obsessional fears were so strong that I attempted suicide more than once, developed a bad cocaine/mephadrone habit, was a constant worry to my family. There were times, however, where the medication would help a lot. At 60mg of Prozac I went through some periods of being functional - I went to work, got into a relationship etc. These were a great relief but I can't say I was truly happy as the fears were never properly dealt with. My last hospital admission was in 2014 when I was 24. I had attempted to come off medication as I believed I had to deal with the underlying problems, and I hated the weight gain side effects. Looking back, this was doomed to fail as I was still using cocaine regularly, drinking a lot, and didn't have any proper support mechanisms in place. I was fine for 6 months then crashed, was borderline psychotic with the OCD symptoms, depressed and anxious beyond belief and desperately wanted to die (and believed I deserved to). I was in a psych ward for just over 2 months before new meds kicked in - clompipramine and (randomly, I don't know why) Epilum, as I was told it 'balanced moods'. A year later I went back on to old faithful Prozac and also came off the contraceptive pill. I had always been told the same about it, that it leveled out moods, and don;t think it's a coincidence that my symptoms became much more manageable a few months after stopping it. I then managed to stay at 40mg for 2 years and my life changed drastically for the better. to myself and everyone around me it was like a miraculous recovery - I stopped taking drugs, began volunteering at a Buddhist meditation centre, got my dream job, published a novel, did newspaper interviews about my experiences, ...I pretty much had my dream life. It was like being reborn after thinking everything was all over...forever. It was in January 2017 that I decided to gradually wean off Prozac. Over the following 10 months I reduced until stopping completely in October. In these past 2 years I have done extensive mind training and spiritual exploration, which has probably been the main factor in this recovery. My life is pretty much dedicated to this practice now - I still volunteer at the meditation centre, go on meditation retreats throughout the year, and have also completed a Reiki Mastership. It was always potentially on the cards after exploring my mind with psychedelic drugs in the past, doing past life regressions and also taking Ayahuasca twice in ceremonies. It was around the time of the reiki mastership that I was weaning off the last of the Prozac. Things became challenging - but at first I welcomed it. I was in a strong place mentally, and my mental health hadn't plagued me intensely for a few years. I was made aware that the Reiki energy can churn things up to be healed, but I think that the combination of this, a massive flare up of a back issue that left me not able to walk for weeks, family pressures and intensive mind exploration during retreat that has led me to my current situation. Since December just passed things have been incredibly difficult. I have experienced a return of old OCD obsessions, to the point where I've had panic attacks for days that made my vision blur, heavy depression, crying all the time, existential fears and experiences which medically would look similar to psychosis (although I believe that term can pathologize important and natural inner processes), identity confusion etc. I knew it would be hard, I just never expected to feel this level of horror ever again. Having said that, I know things are different this time round - I have a level of insight gained through spiritual practice that is keeping me going. Energetically, I'm aware that I am creating this reality on various levels, and that I need to relax as much as possible to allow it to pass through the way it's supposed to. I'm no stranger to facing the darkest parts of the psyche, but it's still terrifying and I'm struggling to cope day to day. To make matters worse, my Mum has gone abroad for cancer treatment and I'm now caring for my little brother and sister 4 days a week which is incredibly stressful (I'm used to having my own space and being able to retreat when I need to). My CBT therapist has discharged me as she feels I cannot engage with therapy under this amount of stress, but encouraged me to come back when my Mum gets back. To be fair, she never taught me anything I didn't naturally learn in meditation and I was only seeing her regularly to comply with services. I have however started going for reiki treatments with the person who facilitated the course I was on last year - he is exceptionally intuitive, knowledgeable and takes an all round, individual approach. One session with him last week was worth a year of 'traditional' therapy. So I'm hoping that continuing with this will help. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I don't have many people to talk to about all this. It's also weird for me to ask for help now as I haven't needed it in so long - I'm usually now the one that helps everyone else. It's a scary and heartbreaking thing to go back to a place you thought you'd left long in the past, but I do believe deep down that I have done so in order to face my demons fully and emerge stronger in the long run. Thank you if you made it this far, I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this site. You are all incredibly strong to be doing what you're doing, no matter what stage you're at. Much love x

Hi. I'm new in this forum so, Im not sure what I can write about and such. Are there any rules? If so it would be helpful. Now that is out of the way, I'd like to share my thoughts and experience of having tourette's syndrome and psycholotropic drugs use including my experience with heroin to which I have successfully stopped using in 1996. So in 1996 I went to a rehabilitation center. After a month of being off heroin, my tourette's disorder started to appear. For three years of using Opiates my Tourette's was gone. I actually didn't know I had Tourette's till I was 21. The sad truth is, I was put on other drugs because the rehabilitation center didn't know what to do about my Tourette's so the councilor assigned to me called a doctor to see me. That's when I started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life. I had no problem getting clean from heroin, but the antidepressants + benzo related drugs , prescribed from doctors is worse. 2014 I suffered a nervous breakdown. My Mother gave me some of her pills, said that they were "natural" and I was desperate. So I took them. I wanted to get off them since I started. It took me three years to except I had any condition. In denial no drug worked for me. As soon as I excepted my situation, the drugs started working. Now I want to get off everything. I want to sleep a natural sleep. I know how depressed I can get. I tried to commit suicide four times. I hope this is interesting for readers. I wish to contribute to others in any way I can through my own experience.