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  1. Hi all you brave WD-heroes out there! I have been reading a lot of posts on this site during the last year which has given me an enormous comfort when things have been extremly hard. I will try to write my story in english even if I am a swede… So are you ready for my horror story? Its an ongoing nightmare that doesn’t seem to end. Ok here we go… Since my terrible divorce in 2017 my health had been decreasing and in 2019 I finally made the horrible decision to try Sertralin. I have always been sceptical towards SSRI but I was now in a place where I had to try the pills. Right away, from the very first dose, I felt an akward feeling in my body and in my gentials. I started to feel a tiny bit better while taking the pills but I also felt that it affected my CNS. After 4 months I felt ok and thought ”well now I can stop taking this poison and everything will be alright”. OMG I was so wrong….I quit CT because my Dr told me the pills were like candy and that everything would go back to normal the day I stopped taking them. That must have been the lie of all times… Month 1 Brain zaps Month 2 - 5 Completely numb penis Pain in my penis Pain in legs and feet extreme anxiety nervous feeling in my entire body Impossible to have sexual thoughts brain fog Anhedonia DP/DR Need for isolation Cognitive issues Memory issues blurry vision fatigue Month 6 - 9 All the above but now I also got penile atrophy and shrinked penis. I never have morning erections and erections can only be made by force. Month 9-11 Now is were I saw some improvements in my cognitive functions. My body was not as nervous and I had moments of feeling ok (like 50%). My penis did not hurt as much but still severe shrinkage. Month 12 (Now) I still have some cognitive and memory issues and also some brain fog but this has gotten better. Anhedonia and the PSSD is making me really low. Just watching my penis being completely dead and shrunk makes me so afraid and also suicidal. Its like a have electricity from my waist down to my feet making a mess of everything in that area. I have quit alcohol, coffe, sex and training. I can not handle any of this which is something I grief badly. Thinking about a life without sex makes me very suicidal. I am a good looking guy in my late 30’s and I just want to go on with my life and perhaps meet a new partner in the future, that dream seems permanent destroyed because of 4 months on Sertralin. Isn’t that great… It feels that I now only exist because my precious children needs me. I love them so much even if the Anhedonia and DP/DR has affected my feelings for them aswell which is terrible and makes me cry. Going through this WD is so lonely because no one understands what I am going through. I really dont know how much more I can take. Its been so many years of dispair and geting this WD-stuff is just to much. I would say that my brain has gone from 0% to 60% this year which feels good but my penis has gone from 0% to maybe 10%. Getting my penis and sexuality back to 100% seems impossible, something has been broken I guess. Guess I am just looking for some comfort and understanding from people who knows what I am talking about. ❤️ Take care!
  2. Hello everyone. I have spent the past two decades on Effexor and the past year on Nardil. I have now completely stopped all medication and I am having overwhelming anxiety that subsides by the evening. Very consistent intrusive rumination on unreasonable fears that increases the anxiety to unfathomable levels. I started taking the medication very young, but I’ve never experienced anxiety like this. I had steady and debilitating withdrawal while coming off the Nardil, but not anxiety. Is this still withdrawal or is this just my underlying condition? I really do not want to go back on medication, but I can’t hold out indefinitely. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
  3. ADMIN NOTE Please note that SurvivingAntidepressants is a site for tapering and recovery from withdrawal syndrome. While we see PSSD sometimes as an aspect of withdrawal syndrome (and we see gradual recovery from it as well as withdrawal syndrome), this site is not specifically for discussion of treatment of PSSD or its neurological origins (which at this time are highly speculative). See journal articles about PSSD in Papers about Post-SSRI Sexual Disorder (PSSD) If you wish to discuss symptoms, theories, and treatment of PSSD, please go to these sites: PSSD Network pssdnetwork.org PSSDforum https://pssdforum.org/ Yahoo group SSRIsex (log in to http://Yahoo.com to join) Facebook group (log into Facebook.com to join) Various pages on Rxisk.org Please note the following:
  4. Hello members of this helpful forum. I’m a 44 year old male, and altough struggling to get of ssri’s for a long time, I’ve only found this forum recently. I’ve been reading here a lot the last few days and recognize so much. I will try to introduce myself without to much spelling errors, English is not my native language and I hate making mistakes but I’ll try. when about 19 years old I was prescribed propanolol due to anxiety. After a few years I was switched to Seroxat, I dont know the dosages anymore. Medication along with CBT didn’t help very much and depression came along. A new therapist recommended to take Citalopram because of my (social) anxiety. 40mg at first, and I remember it helped me better than the Seroxat. But on Citalopram I did notice the decline of my sexuality, but it didn’t bother me at the time being single, and I was told this was not permanent. After some time I went to a dose of 60mg and felt like superman. But I had much more side effects like rapid heartbeat, sweating and my sexuality was non existent so went back to 40mg. At about 29 years old I hated the sexual side effects so much I felt like being in a mental prison and wanted to quit. Therapist told me I could quit Cold turkey no problem. Withdrawal was hell on earth and after a few months (without sexual improvement) I reinstated 40mg. Later in time I tried tapering, but in retrospect this was way to quick (40-20-10-0) and after a few months I reinstated again to 40mg. After a lot of stress and anxiety my therapist suggested 60mg again, which I did. Again the same side effects kicked in but I felt like superman again. In retrospect the high dosage triggered hypomania. But my incompetent therapist put ‘bipolar’ in my medical file, not linking it to the high dose he prescribed me. I went back to 40mg and tried to taper (to quick) again. After a few months withdrawal kicked in and I saw no other option than to to reinstate. After a few years on 40mg and still completely impotent I read an article in a digital newspaper about PSSD, I think it was 2014. This was an eye opener for me. I found the PSSD-forum (never posted there) and tried various supplements trying to improve my PSSD, altough of course still on 40mg Citalopram but nothing helped. My conclusion was that the only way to get my sexuality back was to quit the ssri and this became my number one goal in life. I started breaking tablets and taking every other day to about 20mg. After this I started using tapering strips to a dosage of 12mg. I felt that even with tapering strips, tapering went to quick and I wanted to be able to stay longer at a certain dose so I switched to oral drops. The first of februari this year I did the last taper, from 4 to 3 drops. So I went from 8mg to 6mg. Way more than the advisable 10%. WD symptoms are worse than before but I’m managing. Being unemployed gives me the ability to sleep a lot, which helps. I’m waiting until WD symptoms stabilize again before tapering any further. Was planning to mix the oral solution with ethanol so one drop would equal 1mg but read some useful info on this forum about using a syringe. So I’m planning to taper further from 6mg to 5mg using a syringe. although PSSD is my main motivation to quit the ssri there is not much improvement so far. But I try to stay positive and there are some positives I should mention. Some side effects while being on 40/60mg are diminished. I no longer have a dry mouth and the extreme sweating is almost gone. In wintertime I always had acne around my mouth and nose, this is gone too, along with severe dandruff. On 40/60mg I also gained weight easily, but losing it was hardly impossible. The last months due to less apitite as an WD symtom I’m losing weight again. WD syptoms I experience are; fatigue, sensatitions in my head, easily irritated, sensitive to noise and light, CPPS, loss of intelligence/creativity/vocabulary, loss of appetite, anhedonia.
  5. I apologise for the self indulgence of this but I'm upset at the moment and really wanted to just tell people about everything that's happened to me - it's a really, really long story. I appreciate its very TL;DR... I've been on and off various antidepressants since I was 14 - so for most of my life. These have included SSRIs, SNRIs and mood stabilisers. By age 27 I had decided I no longer wanted to take any medications for my presenting condition, which at that point was anxiety. I felt that the years I'd spent on medication was "lost time" because the emotional numbing effect of these drugs promotes a kind of apathy - because I didn't care about anything, I didn't do anything and so my life would wither around me. Every time I came off them I would look at my life - now able to feel the emptiness of it - and feel motivated to be proactive and improve it. My social life was better when I wasn't on medication, my memory was better when I wasn't on medication, I was more productive when I wasn't on medication. A very clear 'boom and bust' pattern had emerged in my personal history where when I was unmedicated I was a whirlwind of activity, taking positive actions to improve my health, and when I was on the pills I sat inside in my pyjamas. Another pattern was clear too - every time i weaned off my pills, i would leave my unfulfilling relationships with boyfriends because I could no longer tolerate the loneliness. I would look for something better. On pills, I just stayed, and those relationships over time would erode my self esteem. With all this evidence behind me, I decided none of this was worth it and I'd rather just learn to live with the anxiety. A couple of months after deciding I would never touch another pill, I woke up feeling something I hadn't felt since I was a teenager - a voracious sex drive! It had been so long since I'd had a libido that I hadn't realised it was gone and I found myself now constantly interrupted throughout the day by thoughts and fantasies about sex. My pleasure in sex also increased and my orgasms improved. My vulva even changed, appearing 'fuller' with increased lubrication, as if the bloodflow down there had suddenly increased. Initially I worried something was wrong and consulted my GP to ensure this swelling and wetness was not an infection, but everything was normal. This was just how I was *supposed* to be. I enjoyed this sex drive and pleasure for four years. Unfortunately, during those four years, my mental health snowballed. I developed severe panic disorder with agoraphobia. I was determined not to take medications so I tried everything else - therapies and self help, anything I could do to change my thoughts and feelings without a prescription. By age 31, now mostly housebound for two years, I gave up. Although the first two years of my unmedicated life had been more active and fulfilling, it was now the illness rather than the medication that had trapped me inside in my pyjamas. It was time to choose the lesser evil - Sertraline. A few days later, towelling dry after a shower, I realised I couldn't feel my genitals. Initially my drive for sex - which had continued to be high throughout my illness - remained and I was in the frustrating position of feeling an urge to satisfy that need and no longer being able to because my clitoris was completely numb. I was about to throw the pills away when, almost overnight, something amazing happened - the panic attacks stopped. I could go outside. I could do anything now. I booked a last minute flight to Portugal and went on holiday! Now came a tough decision - life, or a sex life? That probably doesn't sound tough to most people but when you've been trapped inside your house for years, your sexuality becomes very important to you. There's a window in every day where you feel excitement and pleasure, where you feel alive again. And frankly, one of the big motivators to get back outside was to have sex - something I now couldn't do! I was upset, but I told myself I was being silly. Of course it was more important to go outside than to masturbate! And it was only going to be temporary - I told myself that the moment my life was back on track I'd lose the pills. I quickly met a man and started a relationship of sorts, but it was an odd experience. I had no idea if I liked him; I just couldn't tell. I'd speak to friends and try to work out logically if he were a good fit for me but there was no emotion to act as a compass. I felt nothing - about anything. The sex, now that I had lost all feeling in my genitals, was like a prolonged smear test. I still had sexual urges - although I didn't know if I loved him, I definitely found him sexually attractive - but once we got started it was like my mind and body were completely disconnected. Nine months after starting sertraline, with panic attacks completely resolved, I decided the only way to know if I even wanted to go out with this guy was to find out how I felt without the pills. Weaning off was initially like weaning off any psychotropic drug. With each step down I had vertigo, electric shock feelings in my nerves, insomnia, agitation, intense emotions that came out of nowhere. I'd been through this a million times before so I continued with the scheduled taper, knowing a couple of weeks after I hit 0mg I'd feel fine again. But 48 hours after I took my last pill, chaos broke out in my body and mind. It was by far the most extreme experience I've ever had in my life. There were 1 million thoughts racing through my mind but I couldn't catch any of them. I had the bizarre feeling that I was thinking very obsessively about something but I had no idea what I was thinking about. The vertigo grew intense and I started vomiting. I would continue vomiting for the next three weeks. An excruciating and unrelenting pain developed in my gut. It felt like an emotional anguish, but what about? I didn't know. Unable to look after myself, a friend took me in. We had a long conversation about the biggest thing in my life at that time - I'd realised I definitely didn't like this boyfriend and I was leaving. "You should just tell him exactly what you just told me" my friend said, and i suddenly realised I had absolutely no idea what I'd just told her. I knew we'd been talking for hours, but I couldn't remember a single word. I felt very confused. I decided not to make any major decisions while I felt so chaotic so I didn't immediately break up with the man. Over the course of the next few weeks, strange things would happen. I would come around half slumped on his bed to him shaking me and pleading with me to wake up. I had no idea how I'd got there or what had happened. He would report back to me that I screamed in the night - a blood curdling scream, he said, but I had no memory of it. The confusion got worse and one day I couldn't speak. I just couldn't form words anymore, like where my mind used to be was a big blank, white space. My boyfriend took me to hospital where a doctor said he'd make sure I was referred for therapy and perhaps in the meantime I could join a choir. I went back to the GP and asked her to give me anything but sertraline. The strange thing was, despite every painful and extreme experience that was happening to me, my sexual function was great again and I didn't want to go back to that numbness. The doctor prescribed Prozac, which made everything worse, and a week later I gave in and took Sertraline. The symptoms vanished in less than a week - no more vomiting, pain or cognitive confusion - but my genitals disappeared with them. I left my boyfriend, which initially made me feel happy and motivated, and I told myself I'd give my brain a break before weaning back off the meds. Not long afterwards, the pandemic hit. I wasn't going to have sex anyway, so why go through discontinuation? When lockdown ended, I realised i had no sexual or romantic feelings anymore and was struggling to find a partner. I was now 35 and wanted to have children, but dates led nowhere. I couldn't feel a thing. I phoned my gp and started weaning down. Afraid of discontinuation syndrome, I took it very slowly and weaned over about 18 months. 48 hours after my last pill, vertigo emerged and I started vomiting. I vomited for six days but there were no cognitive symptoms so this was fine by me. A day or so after I stopped being sick, I put music on in my car and it was like I was on ecstasy. The sounds were thrilling, my brain was lighting up, I felt completely alive. But my genitals were still numb. After a couple of weeks, I started to panic and went online where I found out about PSSD. But every forum I saw helpfully stated that if you have been off the pills for less than six months, don't condemn yourself to PSSD. Go out, forget about it, it'll come back. Reassured, I did exactly that. About nine months after discontinuation, I felt a change in my brain. I felt intense emotions, I felt alive, I felt motivated to do hobbies I'd dropped years ago. I started to think about sex, but when I did I felt nothing. My clitoris is almost entirely numb, my vulva feels dry and shrunken. But my ovarian function has been tested and is fine - neither do I have any of the other conditions that can reduce oestrogen (such as thyroid disease). It's now been a year since I stopped sertraline and my sexuality is still as it was when I was on the pills. I feel old and past it, like I'm 87, not 37 . My doctor is being fantastic. She's investigating every possible physical angle. I haven't told her yet that I fear it might be iatrogenic. We're currently approaching it like a coincidence - at some point during the course of treatment, something else happened that caused exactly the same symptoms as the side effects of the pills. Something about this feels desperate and delusional. I worry that I'll never feel that sexual urgency that I once did and that I might never enjoy sex or masturbation again. It's a devastating thought, but I don't want to tell myself this is permanent without evidence. It could still be temporary, and I want to act as if that's true. If you read that far then my God you're a hero - thank you!
  6. Hi there. I just found this site about 1/2 hour ago. I was searching online for help with PSSD. I am not currently taking antidepressants. I am taking clonazepam as needed for anxiety, but I may or may not go back on some form of antidepressant. Why am I here? I've taken antidepressants for roughly 15 years. The majority of that time was on Zoloft, or Zoloft + Wellbutrin, but I've tried in total: Zoloft Wellbutrin SR Wellbutrin XR Cipralex Effexor Abilify Xanax Buspar Clonazepam When I first started antidepressants I noticed I could last as long as I wanted to when having sex. However, as time wore on, that benefit went away, and more and more I noticed it was harder to get and keep erections, and my libido was less and less present. I also noticed my emotional responses fading. For example, I could watch a YouTube video about some horrible tragedy, and have a rational reaction of "that's awful", but not actually feel it viscerally. I came to realize that while antidepressants were blunting my anxiety and depression, they were also blunting these other aspects of my humanity, since they work from overlapping neural pathways. Once I noticed this, I decided I needed to take my treatment with antidepressants into my own hands. It felt like my doctors were asleep at the wheel. Also, at an earlier point in this journey, I had a psychiatrist who did not convey his prescription properly - whereby I ended up taking far more Wellbutrin than I should have. This caused me to develop irritable bowel syndrome - a condition that has not resolved since. While I am thankful for the way antidepressants helped me initially, I now feel a little bit stuck with some physical/emotional/hormonal problems that I don't feel I have adequate help to resolve. I feel very much on my own, and as if, in order to make any progress, I need to try herbal remedies and armchair science since that's all that's available to me. Basically, I am looking for help wherever I can get it, trying to get back to the person I was pre-antidepressants. I sincerely hope that is possible. EDIT: I am also wondering how to find a psychiatrist, or other doctor that is PSSD friendly; a doctor who acknowledges PSSD as a legitimate issue/concern and is conversant in the latest scientific approaches to treating it. I have a hunch that a lot of psychs have an arsenal of medications that they work with regularly, and they're uncomfortable prescribing anything outside of that arsenal. In short, they stick to what they know, and once they're well into their careers they don't tend to explore new territory. That's problematic when PSSD is not an officially recognized medical condition in some circles.
  7. Hi All, Just a bit of a history. 2013 I got suddenly chronically fatigued and sudden unexplained sexual dysfunction which then worsened into depression. Looking back it was probably severe overworking of my job at the time. Over the next few years I was triated on a number of different drugs, SSRIs, SNRIs, noval ADs that were a new class (can't recall which one) anti seizure drugs etc and later on a few antipsychotics. For the most part I had severe side effects from SSRI/SNRIs but everything else did nothing, like taking a sugar pill. I quite all these cold turkey after months of use for each and had no issues. Sexual dysfunction for my main complaint even though the fatigue and flat affect were disabling but the later I cared little about at the time. Out of my own research I found Mocloemide by 2016 and started that and saw about 50% improvement in depression and gained some energy. My sexual dysfunction improved slowly to an acceptable level that caused me no issues. But due to struggling with motivation and work attendance due to the fatigue I lost my job. The psych prescribed me Rexulti and like magic it worked I was near 100% me again. This was late 2018/early 2019. My sexual function improved further. I had normal function although still not the libido prior the depression but normal compared to the general population as I was hypersexual before depression anyway so not an issue. 18 month later I started having SD again out of the blue and also weird sleep issues like jerky sleep/wake transitions and bad sleep paralysis. It took another 12 months to pinpoint the Rexulti as the cause as my docs weren't versed on this pretty new drug and my psych denied Rexulti as causing SD which I asked about before even taking it as SD was my main concern. So about August 2021 I started tapering and did so over 8 weeks as per the usual info that I could find on google and assumptions based on the psych saying to cut to 50% dose in one go to see if SD might improve. I had the usual withdrawals, all psychological ones but nothing that google didn't already suggest. I never really had withdrawals before so unusual for me. I had some burning pain in my genital area as well but had that once or twice with SSRIs as a side effect. The withdrawals went away after a few weeks. About 9 weeks later the genital burning suddenly came back and within a week or two I got burning and then numbness there and also my lower legs. Then I got soft glans syndrome and completely numb glans and semi numb genitals and saddle area. Few weeks later same burning and numbness happened to my face and hands. Then esophagus and tongue and I was having issues with swallowing, then breathing. I could not go to the toilet properly, 1s and 2s due to retention. Few more weeks, then arm/leg weakness and incoordination. Uncontrolled sweating at the lower lumbar that gave a bad rash and infection. There was muscle jerks that persisted for weeks, feeling of face and tongue paralysis even though I could move. I had some paranoid thoughts about my thoughts in a cyclic fashions and couldn't hear sounds correctly. (eg dog snoring sounded like a kid saying "muma" then changing to a chainsaw outside even though the dog was on the bed) I have had 100s of physical neurological symptoms, too many to list. I have been in hospital 5 times this year due to physical symptoms mimicking other serious conditions like, Spinal injury, GBS/CIDP, heart attack, seizure, stoke etc Due to being so upset and anxiety ridden 3 months post withdrawal I had to reinstate and retapper but chose to tapper from 0.25mg not to go back to square 1 just so I could mentally deal with the debilitating physical symptoms. I couldn't work for months. The reinstating did nothing for the symptoms so what ever was triggered by the withdrawal could not be reversed. During the last 7-8ish months of retapering at 50% reduction each 3 months corresponding to a bit over 10% biological reduction each step I have seen some things improve and some things worsen and many things comes in waves and many new symptoms on the way like tinnius, non sweating hands and feet, visual hallucinations, blindness, narcoleptic like attacks triggered by youtube+ headphone and driving. I am currently at 0.0625mg or 1/32 of the normal dose (2mg which is what I was on) for depression or 1/64 of the schizophrenia dosage. I plan to go to 0.03mg in about 10-12 weeks and then stop 12 week after that. I have also reduced my moclobemine from 300, to 150 and last week to 75mg, although I feel it hasn't got much of an impact unlike the Rexulti reductions which are hell for about 4-6 weeks post reduction, so it's like continuously going through the same cessation over and over while being on it has done nothing to reverse symptoms as mentioned. I am still having bad SD which comes in waves but different combo of symptoms each time. The symtopms are pretty much exactly like PSSD but without anorgasmia or ejaculation issues, quite the opposite in fact. Orgasms are too intense with recently PE being a new symptom I had not had before. I had been diagnosed with FND but I feel this isn't completely correct as this is clearly caused by the Rexulti. Has anyone else had extremely severe neurological symtoms from Rexulti and recovered? If so how long until the recovery? For me this has persisted for almost a year and only partial improvement and I fear it might me permanent like some PSSD sufferers. I have been googling since November last year and still have not come across any cases of this. I seem to be the only one. One other person I talked to only complained of ED and PE that has persisted for years but they got it instantly taking it and only had the mental withdrawals, no neurological ones. Love to hear anyone else had this from Rexulti or other antipsychotics. Cheers!
  8. Please forgive my poor English.I took trazodone for 2.5years and stopped 2 years before.Now my symptoms are :I can’t feel pleasure when rubbing my glans penis,as well as when ejaculating,I have muted orgasm. Besides,I also feel painful tightness at my occiput and upper jaw.However,my libido or sexual desire is normal, and I can have good erection .Can anyone here give me some advice? Thanks a lot.
  9. I stopped taking Celexa five months ago. At first, I abruptly quit with 40 mg, afraid of side effects. Then there were unbearable symptoms of nausea, loss of balance, fog in the head and sensations of electric shocks to the brain. I endured 2 weeks. I had to resume taking 20 mg and these symptoms disappeared within a couple of hours. I then tapered the dose over about 10 days by splitting the pill and taking 15mg, then 10mg, then 3mg, then 5mg. After a couple of weeks, all these symptoms returned but were already better tolerated.
  10. Hi all, I'm at a complete loss regarding my situation so I'll start from the beginning. During the summer of 2016 around july I began taking Sertraline 20mg for what I would now describe as mild anxiety, when struggling with initial sides of increased anxiety and sudden insomnia my doctor prescribed me flupentixol which I then took with the sertraline for around 3 months and then went cold turkey on due to severe drowsiness. I continued the sertraline for around 9 months before going cold turkey. I'm so confused regarding my situation because in order to cope with the insomnia I also smoked weed every night whilst taking it to help me sleep which seemed to work wonders. Even after dropping the sertraline I continued smoking weed in order to help me sleep. I had actually never smoked weed prior to this insomnia (I was 26 BTW) and it was a friend's suggestion. Anyway I attempted to quit smoking several times last year after dropping the ssri but noticed an extreme feeling of anxiety at all times whenever I did and and inability to sleep until early hours of the morning. This pattern went on until early this year where I smoked once again before bed internally praying that I would be able to stop somehow. That night and for the next month I suffered the most extreme anxiety attacks I never thought possible, which definitly helped me to cut the weed permanantly. The strange thing is, ever since then I have experienced various symptoms associated with withdrawal which are, Extreme rage/anxiety/depression constantly alternating. Headaches sometimes unbearable migraines. Horrendous restlessness which after reading some accounts on this site I think is akathisia. Burning and aching throughout my body. Extreme hatred towards family and friends which comes and goes. Blurred vison Awful digestive problems (burping nonstop everyday, diarrhea and constipation and bleeding. Bloating Brain fog feels as though someone has hold of my brain smothering it. Vibrating in my ears. Sometimes I spend the entire day crying uncontrollably with anguish twisting my hands and feet with worry and anxiety. Muscles twitching all day and almost zero appetite. I guess my question is, Can withdrawal sometimes take a year to fully manifest? because the weed aswell as cbd oil seemed to keep the anxiety and insomnia at bay then suddenly almost a year after dropping the sertraline I developed all these mental and physical symptoms. Or is there something else wrong with me because I've had cameras in me, been to three different doctors and various homeopaths and they say everything seems fine when it clearly isn't. I've lost my job my friends three stones and it feels as if I've lost control over my entire body and mind. Someone please help lol. I have many other symptoms to an extreme degree but I've actually lost track of everything I'm going through. Still sane though I think.(hope)
  11. Well, first I want to thank Alto for creating this site which helped immensely during those hard times (and there were many ) and also to all the members whom helped along the way. I finished my taper 4 years ago this month after I believe was 3 other month long tapers had failed. This last time I started a 10% taper in December 2013 after being on mostly 10 mg . Paxil and a few runs of 20 mg. I finished my taper I believe April 15th 2015. The last 6 months of the taper which was basically dust particles of Paxil was brutal. The next year was pretty rough with anhedonia and being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I am certain ether Paxil or the antibiotic Levaquin caused (if you read my story you will find that Levaquin started this whole cascading process of decreasing health and medicines. Year two I was feeling better but still not myself. Not really interested in my prior hobbies. Year 3 is when I was really starting to change back to ME again and was interested in lots of things again. The only thin that has held me back is the physical pain from my autoimmune issues. I have considered myself healed for about a year now but it seems like there was even more to come, which is where I'm at now. Doing just great ,although I do have lower libido than I thought I would. Without TMI , was the equivalent of an 18 year old until about the time Paxil pooped out on me. I was 45 then and now 50 so I guess this might be considered normal aging but I will never know🙄. Anyway, all parts work but not as good as before and not as often, so for the PSSD people, it does get better, but at my age now I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be🤔. So there it is in a nutshell, things are really good, I'm in a shitload of pain from AI issues but life is still great. It's been a really long time since I have been on here and I don't visit too often at all anymore because I'm too busy at life. I'm going to post a link to my story so anyone interested can see how I was able to do it. If anyone has any questions, I will try to answer when I can because I'm so damn busy at life again.
  12. Hello everyone! I started on 25 mg Sertraline in April 2021 and increased the dose to 50mg after two weeks. I got prescribed the drug for premenstrual syndrome, which is ridiculous given to what disaster happened. I took this med for 2 1/2 months and decided to taper down again, as Sertraline made me anhedonic, emotionally numbed an decreased my libido significantly. When I told my psychiatrist about these side effects, she told me that they could persist. Okay, thanks, why did she not tell me that before I took the drug? Would have been nice to weigh risks and benefits myself. Of course these side effects did not resovle after discontinuation, they just improved a little. Unfortunately I made the mistake to start taking Saint Johns Wort (900mg) in September 2021 as I could not find any information that it can make PSSD worse. So gradually my libido decreased even more and in Winter 2021 I got panic as I recognised that my genitals lost their sensitivity. In despair about this fact I needed to go to the psych ward in April 2022. Because of my bad experience I did not want to take any more meds, but I got forced by the professionals and by my family. So I took Wellbutrin 150mg for 2 weeks. This made very anxious and increased my resting heart rate to 120. Because I could not sleep like that and did not feel tired at all, they gave me Tavor and Promethazin to calm down. Even after stopping Wellbutrin, this symptoms persist. Furthermore I suffer from extreme emotional numbness (can not cry properly) to a point that I feel like a zombie. I dont have any positive emotions left, neither can I feel connected to my surrounding, family and friends. Beside these debilitating symptoms, I suffer from complete genital numbness and zero libido/ feeling of attraction. The emotional symptoms did improve a little over the last weeks, but still I dont feel alive. I is so scary what happened to me. I can't make sense of that. I was a highly emotional, sensitive young woman (who even did not have depression) and ended up like this. I can't imagine going back to my master studies, neither can I work in my job as I am a social worker, because I can't feel empathy. I would be very grateful to hear from people who had similar experiences with a severe form of PSSD and got better or improved to 100%. I know Violet who fully recovered, but she is the only one and I guess recovery is on the rare side. I wish nothing more than getting my life back. Thank you and thanks for reading Malu
  13. ☼-branyan-from-pp-genital-anesthesia-and-pssd Hey guys! Branyan here from the old PP forums. I haven't written in any SSRI or related forum in almost 2 years now. The reason being? Things for the most part have been pretty damn great. My actual life is great. I have a great career started. I am finally independent and financially stable. I've had a couple of short relationships in between now and when Paxil Progress ended. During that sexual relationship I almost NEVER had one problem. Not only that, things were pretty freaking great in that department. I never had any problems getting it up, and sex was frequent and very good. Now there is still some of the genital numbness, and spotty libido, but was scarcely a worry. So. fast forward. We broke up. Not the right time in our lives, etc etc blah blah. Now the libido and functioning goes right back down to nothing good. This has been the pattern in the post SSRI/PSSD world for almost 5-6 years now. In the relationship things work great. Outside of that relationship, even when by myself things just dont feel very good. I realize how lucky I am. I'm grateful to have what I have. I'm so lucky. I'm not even really complaining. I just kind of needed to vent because its kind of scary. And in the past the one habit I've made is obsessively trying to hook up with girls or look at porn to keep testing if things are working. And I want to be a lone for a while and do some more soul searching. The last girl i was with I was very upfront about the PSSD stuff, and we took our time to get to sex and that made all the difference. I cannot discount the emotional and psychological part of it. It's almost as if the PSSD has made those components so strong that I am now 'demi-sexual". If you look that up it basically means you can't be aroused without an emotional connection.. I've got a lot of work to do in therapy to deal with this. I need to listen to my rational mind and not the fearful part. I can do this. I'm of course open to any and all questions as I know that my story has been used as a success story for many people fearful of PSSD around the internet.
  14. Violets Escitalopram Lexapro Cipralex Protracted Withdrawal Hello everyone, I have been thinking of posting a success story for a while, and after some questions in my private messages, I have decided to return here to give some hope to the ones that are suffering with PSSD. Here is an excerpt from my original post about my experience back in 2019: "I started on 2,5mg escitalopram in december 2018 for GAD and severe depression by my GP. I gradually increased the dose up to 7,5mg and was on this dose for a couple of weeks (until january 7th) I then decided to taper down again, as the drug made me careless, emotionally numb, impaired my cognition and significantly decreased my libido. So I stopped it after 2 months (last 2,5mg pill taken 8th of february). Since stopping I suffered two weeks of acute physical withdrawal (flu-like symptoms, nausea, dizziness etc) but I thought that it would be over and I would go back to «normal», but now it is clear to me that I also suffer from protracted withdrawal and the symptoms are scary and debilitating. I suffer from parasthesia, brain zaps, tinnitus, severe derealization, emotional numbness and extreme apathy to a point where I can’t force myself to get up and eat. I feel completely braindead and my cognition is ruined, the past month has gone by in a haze and I can’t remember or recollect much of it. This is extremely terrifying and almost worse than the original depression. I feel dead, even though I’m alive." ______________________ I am happy to share that since then, I have pretty much recovered. From the very long list of symptoms that I suffered (anhedonia, complete apathy/avolition, complete emotional numbness (NO emotions at all), no feelings of hunger, no libido, full genital and nipple anesthesia, severe cognitive disfunction, muscle aches/wastage, changed hair structure, dry skin, no sweating, tinnitus, visual disturbances (some visual snow/unclear vision/focus), gum health issues, high pulse/breathing issues leading up to a week long hospital stay), I now only have one or two of those symptoms left, which are pretty minor anyways. That is some decrease in libido, as well as permanent tinnitus (barely noticeable), which are pretty insignificant at a greater scale of things. It took me about three months after cessation to start experience tiny improvements and it took me almost a year to start feeling somewhat like myself emotionally. The first thing to improve was my cognition, which started improving after about 3 months, then the anhedonia started to lift around the 6 month-mark, together with some of the physical symptoms. The emotional and the sexual dysfunctions were the last to go and improved majorly at the 1-1,5 year mark. I must note that I haven't taken any medications or specific supplements (other than some B-vitamins and Omega 3) ever since my horror experience with Lexapro and I am not planning on doing so either. Therefore, I do consider my "recovery" natural. Anyways, now, after three years, I think it is safe to say that I am fully recovered and I am mostly back to my "old" self. I have since graduated at my university, gotten to experience amazing new things and places and also managed to find a loving partner. Even though life still gets hard at times (like it does for the most of us), and I still have days where the depression rears its ugly head, I now have found ways to deal with it, knowing it's only temporary. I also feel like this entire PSSD-experience has made me a lot more resilient and I want people in a similar situation to know, that there is definitely hope, no matter how many symptoms they experience and how hopeless it might feel at the moment. Best, Violets
  15. Greetings all, I took 10 mg of Prozac from September 2021 to December 2021. I tapered towards the end. Starting in January, I had highly unpleasant nerve sensations - burning, aching, and itching in my extremities, including my penis. I did not observe any loss of sexual function. The symptoms went away in April, then came back in August for two weeks. A couple times that fall, the symptoms emerged briefly after the consumption of alcohol and caffeinated beverages, both of which I’ve since quit. All this time I had excellent sexual function and regularly made love to my wife. In April 2023, I caught a bad flu, and the symptoms started up again. They were barely present in May but have been constant since June and frequently quite severe. I often feel like something is biting my toes or that ants are crawling all over me. My limbs, hands, and feet usually ache. Often the symptoms will go away for half a day or so. I think there might be two culprits: working outside all day in the Southern California heat, and a heavy diet of dark chocolate I was indulging in back in the spring. I have since quit chocolate and fried foods in addition to alcohol and caffeinated beverages. I rarely eat meat and I exercise almost every day. The symptoms will not let up. The past four nights I woke up repeatedly and had no erection. I made love to my wife yesterday morning no problem, but I know that loss of morning wood will eventually impact intentional arousal. Is there such a thing as very late-onset PSSD? I haven’t touched the poison in 22 months. Thank you.
  16. Hi I took effaxor for 5 months 75mg. I stopped 4.5 months ago and still stuck with PSSD. How hopeful should I be, do people here recover substantially from PSSD?
  17. ...I feel defeated. I don't have anymore will or strength to fight something as inhuman as this. Something that shouldn't even exist to begin with. This has destroyed my life totally. I have gone from a healthy guy in my 20's with my whole life in front of me to wishing everyday that this new "life" would come to an end. I have total sexual dysfunction, anhedonia, physical symptoms and changes to my body and it all began in early 2020 when I changed from sertraline, which I had taken on and off for several years, to escitalopram. I then took escitalopram for two, three months but changed back to sertraline because I noticed sexual dysfunction. To my surprise this persisted even after going back on sertraline which I then took for a couple of months before stopping fully in late December 2020 after a slow taper over several months. During the taper and after stopping the sexual dysfunction got even worse and I noticed new symptoms like dryness everywhere, numb skin, feeling cold constantly, pain and a burning sensation in my genital area, anhedonia and emotional blunting. This has continued ever since without much improvement except for a few symptoms. I feel deeply betrayed and am disgusted by the medical system that allows this to happen to innocent people that only reached out for help to try to improve their lives. To top it all off they then deny that the medications have anything to do with it all and blame the patient instead.
  18. Hello, After a couple of months of reading some of the posts on this forum, I have decided to join, because basically it seems that I have PSSD. As you will see from my signature strip, I have been on escitalopram at various doses for just over 7 years (finally came off in January of this year (2017)). My history on this drug probably looks a bit confusing. Basically I went on the drug late in 2009 for anxiety that I was suffering. I only intended to be on it for a short time – maybe 6 months – whilst I made some important decisions about my future. But my doctor at that time provided no guidance on coming off the drug. I came off very quickly and crashed. It basically took me about 3 attempts like this to finally realise I could not come off it quickly. In the end it has been a long and slow process with some bumps along the way, but finally I am off the drug – but it took 7 years. I am male and now in my mid-thirties. Anyway, whilst on the drug I suffered from sexual side effects, which from what I have read is very common. But it was in late 2013 that I found out just how much the drug was affecting me. I started a relationship with a girl who although I liked much, I could feel no deep emotion with. Basically I could not fall in love with her. At first I could not understand what was wrong with me, but one day shortly into our relationship I suspected the drug. After a simple ‘Google search’ I had the answer. This combined with the sexual side effects of the drug just made it impossible for me really and in early 2014 we split up. It was at this point that I realised no matter what, I had to get off the drug. It took 2 further attempts of slow tapering but finally I have managed it. I am now almost 5 months off the drug, but seems I have PSSD. At the end of December 2016 I reduced from 10mg every other day to just 5mg every third day. A few days after doing this I could feel something changing sexually – more normal feeling was coming back. And about a week later I had a couple of days of what I would say was completely normal function returning. However this only lasted a couple of days. Shortly after this I took the last tablet. I was now off the drug. About 2 weeks later I once again had a couple of days of everything returning to normal sexually. Again this only lasted temporarily. Then a period of 3 weeks of the numbness and erection difficulties. Then - 5 weeks after taking the last tablet - I again had a period of 2 days of normal functioning – this time I thought it was going to be for good, but unfortunately not. And that was the last time I experienced what I consider everything being normal. Since then I have returned to the numbness, lack of drive and erection difficulties that I had whilst on the drug. I have had the odd day or two in recent weeks where the numbness reduces a bit and there is a little bit of sensitivity, but only a very tiny improvement for a day or so. Then back to full numbness. Also I have developed a ache/pain in my testicles that radiates at times into the top of my legs and buttocks. I can’t remember exactly when this started but I think it was around 6 weeks after being off the drug. I also feel emotionally flat – I don’t think I could fall in love with somebody. I think that issue is still there. I can cry at times, but can’t feel any real happiness for anything. I guess like so many people here I feel the most desperate I have ever done in my life and just looking to talk with others in a similar situation. These past months have seemed like an eternity and every day is such a struggle. I am hoping somebody can give me some hope, because right now I can’t feel much of it. Also I do have a few questions which if anybody can give some sort of an answer to I would be so grateful. 1) Why did I have 3 separate periods of normal sexual function in the immediate period of coming off the drug (first 5 weeks) and then nothing further? 2) the ache/pain that I feel in the testicles – is this part of PSSD? 3) one of the things that really worries me is the fact that I noticed a change to my sexual function after taking just one tablet (God only knows why I did not stop taking them there and then) but as I only planned to be on the medication for a short time, it did not bother me too much. Does this immediate reaction to the drug combined with my long-term use of it mean it more likely my recovery will be a very long time, or worse still that I never recover? Thanks very much for reading.
  19. Extremely severe PSSD at 20, need help ASAP I had been on venlafaxine for 3 years up until February when I was told by my doctor to taper off over a span of a few weeks. I had no withdrawal symptoms initially but since around May a very large amount of physical and mental symptoms have manifested and gradually seemed to have gotten worse over time. I have been on 150 mg of wellbutrin for about a month after being admitted to the psych ward due to the mental state I am in, helped quite a bit in the early days but seems to have worn off or is making me worse. Currently taking magnesium and fish oil to combat head issues, but I just can't take this anymore and its only been a couple months of symptoms when many others here have had them last for years - Severe brain fog, constant - Short-term memory loss, unable to remember names and faces of anyone new I meet - Regular migraines, three times a week and usually develops towards end of day - Pressure feeling banded around head, constant - Visual snow, even more severe when eyes are closed - Blurred vision - Extremely severe dullness of emotions, totally unable to feel love, happiness, anger. Crying is extremely difficult and takes effort and extreme distress. Cannot even laugh. Constant - Total loss of creativity, unable to come up with original ideas - Mind feels completely blank and thoughts are not racing like they used to. Did improve with wellbutrin but not even close to 100% - Inability to compile thoughts, not capable of thinking of even half of these symptoms without writing them down ahead of time - Social skills completely disappeared, went from being talkative to socially paralyzed and cannot come up with the words to say. Maintaining conversations causes mental agony, have to fake emotions - Difficulty finding words I previously used regularly in my vocabulary - Extremely severe depression, feeling of total hopelessness all the time. This DID NOT develop until after other head symptoms, head issues popped up during a content period of my life - Feeling of dizziness and strange vision when moving head back and forth - Occasional severe confusion and total disorientation. Happens probably once every few days for an hour or two - Feeling of being in a dream or a daze, feel like I'm spectating someone else living my life - Extremely vivid dreams, seem more real than reality - Occasional sensitivity to light - Total loss of appetite, eating anything more than a very small quantity of food makes me nauseous. This developed about two weeks ago, much later than other symptoms. Went very quickly from eating a lot to eating nothing - Total lack of interest in any hobbies that I was in love with a month prior - Irregular stool, liquid most of the time. - Constant exhaustion - Muscle weakness and soreness - Nausea - Heart pounding when I lay down, distracting when I try to sleep - Heart palpitations - Sharp chest pain. - Insomnia, have been taking melatonin to put me to bed but I wake up very early in the morning and cannot go back to sleep due to how horrible I feel - Brain zaps, seem to have lessened recently but were often - Stiff neck - Total loss of sexual interest. Extremely difficult to get and maintain an erection - Shriveled penis - Pins and needles sensation occasionally in fingers - Stiff neck for a few hours a day - Lower back pain - Itchy red bumps popping up all over - Derealization. Hoping to God that this is just a bad dream or a hallucination. I feel like a shell of myself to say the least, feel as if I have died Much of this was copied from my post on the pssd subreddit from a few weeks ago, I would write a new summary of my issues but my brain has gotten so much worse that I am seriously struggling to even read and write and I am totally forgetting what medications I am on and such. I honestly do not even care about the sexual or other physical side effects because my head condition is so awful. I am in total crisis mode and need relief like right now, I don't know who to turn to because people in my life just do not understand what is going on, I have been to the hospital 4 times in the past couple months for these issues and have been given a different and stupid diagnosis each time, the last time was when they had enough and put me in the psych ward for a week. I did not want to take any meds but I felt it was forced upon me with how bad my condition was and I have been totally stuck on wellbutrin since. Its helping a little but I am terrified about staying on it as I believe my condition will worsen as it has and I am also terrified of going off of it because my condition will also worsen then. I have been to several doctors and psychiatrists and they are just trying to give me more ssris and such and do not believe I am still having withdrawal from venlafaxine. I have completely lost all sense of self and my memory is getting worse and worse by the day, I am forgetting the names of family members and massive events that happened in my life. In my hopsital visits I was blood tested every time, urine tested every time, given a CT scan on my brain, EKGs and such and nothing came up abnormal except for magnesium being low. My brain is in such bad condition, it feels like I am completely incapable of feeling any sort of stimulation and I am clearly declining mentally and emotionally on a day-by-day basis. I am on the verge of trying re-instatement or just going back to the hospital so they put me on more drugs because this is so unbearable I don't even know if I can last another day. Caffeine, alcohol, and small amounts of junk food have caused me severe crashes and I am extremely hyper-aware of literally everything I put in my body. I do not feel anything besides pain and fear, I know there probably isnt much that people here can help with but I am looking for a miracle here. This is unbelievable pain and if I make it through this it will certainly be the most I will ever have to struggle in my life, but I am seriously doubting my ability to recover due to the severity of my case and it seemingly getting worse. I have appointments with a neurologist and GI doctor but they are backed up and it will be 6 weeks until I can see them. I live with my parents because I'm 20 and cant work or drive or do anything in this condition and they are also going through torture because of how unbearable it is to be around me like this
  20. I was on 20mg of Prozac for 3 months. While on Prozac I had slight reduction in sex drive. Prozac wasn’t helping my depression so I quit cold turkey after 3 months of being on it. 3 weeks after I quit I started having brain zaps for a few days. Then one day the brain zaps stopped and suddenly I had no libido and ED. This happened 4 months ago and I haven’t improved at all my sexuality is gone and I struggle to get an erection when I never had this problem before. This wasn’t my first time on Prozac either. I was on 20mg in the past with no sexual issues, then I was increased to 40mg and completely lost my libido, couldn’t orgasm, and had severe ED, as well as emotional numbing. However all these symptoms went away after a month of being off the medication. I stayed off Prozac for a few months then went on 20mg again since I didn’t have problems with it previously and that’s when my symptoms started. How ***** am I is this withdrawals or PSSD? What makes me think it’s withdrawals is because my symptoms only started after I stopped the medication, but on the other hand I stopped Prozac 40mg cold turkey before and was back normal within a month so why did I get brain zaps and lose my libido and still haven’t gotten it back after stopping only 20mg of Prozac this time?
  21. Rene94 from Germany / I'm so desperate and in a black hole of hopelessness.. Hello everyone! I've been following the forum for 6 months, I like it so much. There is no such thing in Germany. I 'll try to keep my first post short. As I'm new here, I wish everyone here all the best! Introduction: At the beginning of my topic I want to apologize for my bad english. I 'll try my best to write my thoughts here. I am a young men from Germany and currently 28 years old. Drug History: I have taken Venlafaxin 75mg in the past for anxiety disorders, I have never had any type of depression. My psychiatrist told me I could take these drugs forever and taper them off in 4-6 weeks. Well so much for that.. I then took it for 10 months and right from the start I noticed strange side effects like total genital numbness, complete loss of libido, emotional numbness, sleep duration was normal but numb. I don't know how to describe it, but I had neither the feeling of being tired nor the feeling that the sleep was restful and that I slept well. I no longer had an appetite and the fear was gone too, but so were all the positive feelings and thoughts. I had many other side effects but I thought I had to endure this temporarily, also because of work. I can't afford to lose this job. I lost my last job because of my anxiety disorder. Taper process I was tired of feeling like a robot and trapped in a lifeless body without having my personality, so I decided to stop taking the drug. I reduced it to 50mg for 2 weeks in December then to 37.5 for 2 weeks, 12.5mg for 5 days and then on January 26th I cut my dose to 0. As I learned afterwards, it was too fast, but I can't undo it. Withdrawal/Symptoms On tapering off and getting down to 37.5 mg I noticed days when I had some emotional energy, slight desire for sex, better sleep and some genital feeling. I figured I was on the right track and I needed to get rid of the drug altogether. What I experienced after 0 was absolute horror, hell on earth. A place that few of us are allowed to get to know. Acute withdrawal symptoms lasted about 6 weeks, then faded away. After those 6 weeks I got severe insomnia and all the other symptoms that were there from the start: hives, hair loss, hair texture change, total genital numbness, erectile dysfunction, total emotional numbness, derealization, deep depression, akathisia, digestive problems, etc. I think you know what i'm talking about. Now I'm at 9.3 months from 0 and gone is just the akathisia, digestive issues a bit better but that's it.. It's sad and I'm having suicidal thoughts because I don't think I'll ever recover. It's too much what was taken from me. I just wanted a fresh start. Now I'm a robot, a man-made AI. What can I do? Do you have any advice for me? If I experience a window on a symptom, does that mean that improvement will come back? Even if it was little? Thank you!
  22. On the 31st of March I stopped taking escitalopram after I had reduced from 20 mg to 10 mg for 2 weeks prior. All hell broke loose for me with anhedonia, anxiety, depression and the rest that goes with coming off antidepressant cold turkey. I am also suffering from erectile dysfunction and pray that it will come back some day soon. I also take asenapine for PTSD and schizophrenia, which i dont think i have. I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything else to say so I'm going to end it there.
  23. hope for improvement- very difficult time- not sure pssd or protracted withdrawal or both i am a 29 year old female who teaches kindergarten and loves my family and puppy. I would really like to feel like myself again. basically I was on and off Lexapro 5 and sometimes 10 mg the last two years. As well as Xanax or Benadryl few nights a week to sleep. A few months on, stopped due to sexual side effects, those always went away and then I went back on due to severe anxiety. Longest period I was on them was January 2021 through July 2022. Then a month off and picked back up in August 2022 through November 22. I had the classic withdrawal symptoms of brain zaps lethargy and headache each time, some times worse than others. This last time I was on Wellbutrin as well simultaneously and didn’t notice it being as uncomfortable. Then I went to start taking a few doses of 5mg Lexapro in February due to anxiety but didn’t continue due to sever genital numbness that went away I thought. I stayed on Wellbutrin until end of February then stopped. Noticed intermittently some sexual side effects like slight numbness a few times and delayed orgasm. But no other issues and felt great and like myself. took some 5htp supplements for anxiety. Then beginning of May I notice I feel depressed, mood is low, gaining weight, headache, easily upset, little arousal and delayed orgasm. Ask to go back on Wellbutrin and immediate boost in everything- feel hyper sexual, etc. but big bouts of severe anxiety and panic about health and safety and job. cue more panic about why this big difference in sexual functioning and lots of researching, stop Wellbutrin, fall into crippling anxiety about pssd- psych prescribed low dose buspar which I took only a few doses, Xanax sparingly. since late May I’ve stopped everything. It was awful at first. Then things seemed to be getting better emotionally and sexually for a few weeks. Now they seem worse! I have no energy, even less sensation down there, feel anhedonic now which I didn’t before, and like I can’t get out of bed. I used to love poetry and now it just isn’t the same. Emotionally blunted and just overall very blah. I’m singly and going to be 30 soon and always went crazy for handsome men, and now it’s just not happening. Nothing seems to get me excited sexually or otherwise. Sometimes I am able to cry and emote strongly and other times I’m not. I have insane insomnia sometimes with akathasia where I am very restless and move my legs and toss and turn continuously. Perpetual headache. Eyes hurt. Occasional tinnitus. Sometimes dpdr. Anxiety turned to severe depression now. Sometimes when I can convince myself things will pass and get better and I can have an enjoyable day. But that is getting harder. i read the pssd forums and there are some recoveries but everything out of Dr. Healy is so permanent and soul crushing. I am looking for help and hope. The SD is not even the concern anymore, I want to feel excited and happy and energetic again. Is there hope for me?
  24. Hello, Thank you for reading my introduction. I am desperate for the truth. 28 May 2013, I was prescribed Loxalate 10 mg and Risperdal 1 mg by a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist.I did not commence the administration of the medications with immediacy.An entire week or two weeks had passed until the initial tablets were administered.Loxalate 10 mg was administered every morning, and Risperdal 1 mg was administered every night.Anxiety symptoms were advancing while I was administering the Loxalate 10 mg and Risperdal 1 mg daily. I returned to the Senior Consultant Psychiatrist who increased the dose of the Risperdal 1 mg to 2 mg daily.0.5 mg Risperdal accompanied by the Loxalate 10 mg in the morning, 0.5 mg Risperdal administered at midday, and 1 mg Risperdal administered every night.I had approached several medical professionals with the side effects that I was experiencing and I was reassured that the side effects would all cease soon, the body and brain requiring a minimum of six months to adjust to the medication.Disappointingly, one of these medical professionals was a former friend of mine, a Registered Nurse, working in Psychiatry, someone who I thought I could trust wholeheartedly. I was opposed to prolonging the medication, though I thought that following the opinions of several medical professionals responding unanimously would be sensible, so I did.Two to three weeks prior to 1 October 2013, I decided to cold turkey. The medications were not beneficial for me, and I was literally, sick and tired of the sufferance.I had struggled with the side effects for too long. I should have never been prescribed these medications as I felt that they were unnecessary for me.I was coerced in to seeing a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, when I was neither a personal or societal menace. At the time, I was an Australian resident, claiming a Disability Support Pension for my psychiatric impairments, and unfortunately, the Australian Government has the last word on the health of Australian citizens who are disabled and living in moderate poverty. I could represent myself very well, though the predicament that I was in was of no relevance to anyone. I had been travelling between Australia and Austria as of 2011, when I fell in love with my long term partner who I met while in Australia. Social Security cancels pensions after six weeks of being overseas and having a Disability Support Pension as my sole financial support, I had to continue to travel between the two countries, despite our patience in waiting for assistance as of 2011. 2013 and Social Security in Australia assists us after giving us the runaround for two years.An agreement exists between Australia and Austria.If pensioners on a Disability Support Pension meet the medical requirements, they are indefinitely payable overseas.As per the request of Social Security, I met with a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, despite feeling as though they were unnecessary for me to see as I was compos mentis. Whatever, it may increase the likelihood of my Disability Support Pension being passed, and it was only several documents that needed signing with my anamnesis, or so I thought.If I did not consent to daily medication and pursue seeing this Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, my documentation would not be filled.I felt that I had little to no options than to comply. Financial support is of no worth to us now, we are instead left to contemplate if I will ever recover to be the person that I was, be it swiftly or not so. No one knows what it is that I am experiencing, emotionally or neurologically, for they cannot relate to this bizarre and frightening experience. I know that I will never experience anything like it again in my lifetime, this is a real witch that I would never curse anyone with.It is agreed that I am no longer myself, so that is why I have sought my refuge here.I do however, need to make sense of what has happened to me.Chemical lobotomisation is the most accurate description I can provide, and the recounts of persons and research statistics that I find myself mousing over seem much less like deluded untruths. I am a realist, I know that the medication has damaged me, so I refuse to submit to medical professionals trying to blame it on a foreign illness, my Vegan diet, or to coerce myself in to believing that what I am experiencing are merely figments of my imagination.I do not thrive on false hope, though it may be all that I have.It seems so impossible that I could ever be the same person with the same life, after such trauma to the nervous system.How likely are the possibilities?All of these side effects manifested while I was administering the medications.Major side effects, presentAnhedonic symptomsI am experiencing a TOTAL absence of all emotions, negative and positive, the TOTAL inability to derive feelings or physiological responses from any stimulation, not a blunted, diminished, or numbed sense of these. I am DEAD. This is the most severe side effect and the side effect that is the most worrisome. Subconsciously, I am aware of what I would normally perceive as excitable, pleasurable, or stimulative. There are no emotional or physiological manifestations. I AM NOT DEPRESSED.Feelings of detachmentThe inability to connect emotionally with animals, my partner, music is HIGHLY ATYPICAL as these are all things that I should still be OBSESSED with, music has become repetitive sounds, I am also experiencing the inability to connect emotionally with environments, objects, people, I cannot connect emotionally with anything. Loss of personality. Also a loss of creativity and diminished intelligence.Sedated feelingHIGHLY ATYPICAL for me, prior to medication I was ACTIVE and would feel INTENSELY all of the time, particularly agitation or excitability. I am apathetic and have low motivation.Post-SSRI Sexual DysfunctionSelf diagnosed. TOTAL absence of libido, orgasm, stimulation. Mild Amnesia symptoms I experience difficulty remembering my life and self prior to the administration of medications.Toxic Encephalopathy?Depressed consciousness, loss of cognitive function, low energy (fatigue, lethargy, malaise), inability to concentrate, personality changes.All of these side effects manifested after the cold turkey and have ceased.Physiological side effects, ceasedAbdominal Discomfort AnxietyBruxism, Dental PainConstipation, DiarrheaExcessive, Increased SweatingInsomnia MigrainesNausea Side effects, administrationReference major side effects, present Made me a TOTALLY different person. I was a ZOMBIE. I only remember sleeping and watching TV.
  25. Hi! I've been lurking on this website for quite sometime now (Over 2 years) desperate for answers and hope. I thought I’d make an introduction post just to keep track of my own progress alongside others. My memory is foggy in some parts because when I first cold turkeyed my Luvox 200 mg I didn’t think anything of it and was quite fine without it. But my rough estimate is I cold turkeyed 7/2020. I didn’t notice any symptoms regarding withdrawal until 10/2020 that’s when I relapsed in my OCD with the intrusive thought “What if I don’t love my partner?” And I spiraled into crying and anxiety. I’ve struggled with HOCD for 6 years and it was the main reason I was put on Iuvox. Funny enough throughout those 6 years my sexual function and emotions stayed in tact. But as soon as it hit 10/2020 the symptoms started almost immediately. i even developed depersonalization to the point I didn’t even feel like a woman (which I’ve never wanted to be trans or a man so it was strange to FEEL like a stranger in your own body) I started feeling so depersonalized that even talking or seeing myself freaked me out and made me feel like I wasn’t me. I think this is one of the scariest things a person can experience. The following months I had impending doom because I thought me and my bfs relationship was in jeopardy - I suddenly didn’t recognize him even though we’ve been together for 9 years and I was always in love with him. My family became foreign too and it was hard to connect with them alongside my depersonalization. When this all happened I messaged my primary care doctor to up my dose but reinstating did nothing. i stayed on 100 mg of Luvox. Fast forward to 3/21-7/21 - I had massive panic attacks where I almost believed I was about to have a heart attack. It was hard to connect with people and cognitively I declined. Making basic conversation with people was hard. And then my fiancé proposed to me and I had a panic attack during only making me believe we weren’t meant to believe. Not thinking it was due to the pill I dumbly cold turkeyed. Who would think it could impact you so much? Not me. This was also the time my sexual dysfunction took place. i realized I couldn’t feel anything during sex. My ****** became numb and even urinating felt different. It didn’t matter how much I touched myself I couldn’t feel pleasure - but scariest of all I couldn’t feel arousal. The natural feeling you get just by being kissed by my partner was gone. And then suddenly I coudn’t feel romance. And I know you don’t know me but I’ve been OBSESSED with romance my entire life. I’ve written stories about love, watched only romance anime and movies, blushed over stereotypical romantic scenes. But suddenly without attraction or emotions I couldn’t feel romantic towards my fiancé. Which scared the hell out of me. 8/21 - I became emotionally blunted. I felt neutral, even the anxiety that always bothered me was numb. I didn’t care about my job, my family, my fiancé, my cats or what happened to me. 4/22 - Emotionally blunted, again the sexual dysfunction and romantic attraction are what worries me the most. I know it’s the medication because I feel no desire for anyone else. It’s hard to laugh naturally and connect with people. i took a Thorne gut test and tested positive for gut dybosis and out of range bad bacteria. Supplements Im taking: • Fish oil • magnesium taurate •butyrate •multivitamin •liposomal vitamin c • vitamin d •Korean panax ginseng I’m tapering by 10 mg every month. I’m at 62.5 mg of Luvox currently
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