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  1. I am writing this as an addendum to My Story which details what ADs did to my life and discusses to a degree how I got my life back. However, I am writing this to elaborate on what certain problems where posed both physically and logistically after I stopped taking medications. Please keep in mind that I went COLD TURKEY and did not taper, which differentiates me from many people on here; also my story took place over 10 years ago, so my memory is not is 100% clear which means it is hard for me to apply a quantitative number to aspects of my physical recovery. In 2002 I quit cold turkey from a drug cocktail that included an Antidepressant (Celexa), an Antipsychotic (Zyprexa), an Anticonvulsant (Depakote), a Benzo (Ativan), a Z-Drug (Ambien) and a prescription diet pill (Phenteramine – given to me by my pdoc to lose the 60 pounds of weight I gained from the other weight gaining medications). The physical ramifications of quitting cold turkey where hard core, and lasted to the best of my recollection in hard core form for six months. These were: insomnia, exhaustion, akathesia, flu-like symptoms, headaches, nausea and vomiting, total loss of appetite and over-sensitivity to certain substances. There were also mental symptoms: overwhelming memories, mania, depression, over-emotional reactions to certain situations (e.g. crying or extreme anger) and PTSD from the whole ordeal. It is important to note that many of these symptoms continued to linger in a much lesser form for several years. I know that many of you would like a firm number of how long I suffered, but I cannot put a number on it because I started my recovery in 2002 – 10 years ago. This is further complicated by the fact that to get through the exhaustion from WD, I smoked cigarettes anywhere from one to one and a half packs for many years after. Since smoking can mimic some of the symptoms of WD (loss of appetite, headaches, mania, anger) it is hard to delineate what was what. However, I do believe that smoking provided mental focus that I would not have had otherwise. I finally quit smoking in 2007, five years after stopping meds. It was an odd thing, I just stopped one day and no longer wanted to smoke anymore. Maybe this was a sign of my recovery, but it may also have been a reaction to the fact that because of NY laws and my husband, if I needed to smoke I had to go outside. Smoking outside in the rain or cold was getting stupid. I do believe that part of this was a sign of final recovery – I didn’t need to mask symptoms anymore. So if this is true, and I had to put a number on it – I would say I battled with minor symptoms and PTSD for five years So what problems was I left with after drugs had stolen my life? And how did I regain control? Here is a list: Weight Gain A ruined job history A ruined credit history from filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Over $20K in debt to the IRS plus two tax liens PTSD Estrangement from my family I was fully aware of the PTSD, and would think on occasion of reaching out to a therapist. However, because the whole ordeal left me extremely suspicious of the whole field of mental health, I declined to reach out to anyone. So based on this list, I will try to tackle how I recovered in each area: 1) Weight Gain: I lost my appetite during WD and I also became a huge walker. In one year I lost sixty pounds with little effort. I did eat, but I ate very small meals, 200 kcal 3-5 times a day, mostly high protein and I ate an apple a day and I drank a TON of herbal tea. 2) A ruined job history: I had been fired from three high paying jobs, all in IT. I had no references, a job gap of four years, but I had good computer and office skills so I reached out to temporary agencies. I worked as a temp for many years, in the NY/NJ area only taking jobs at Fortune 500 companies. I built up my resume this way. Today, I list those jobs as “contract” and I explain that I liked the flexibility of “contract work” and that I was in the process of getting married and building a home with my husband, no one questions it. 3) A ruined credit history: I got a copy of all three of my credit reports and joined a credit law forum. I found that there were many examples where creditors where breaking either or both the FCRA or FDCPA laws on my credit report. I also hired an attorney. The attorney got 50% of it cleared up, I got the other 50% cleared up myself by tenacious letter writing and disputing with the Credit Bureaus. The forum I used had a great database of creditors who gave people with Bankruptcy on their reports a card with a small credit line; I applied to all of these and rebuilt my credit this way. When I married my husband in 2005, he added me as an authorized user to his accounts, giving me a longer and stronger credit history. 4) Tax Debt and Liens: After hiding from the IRS for several years, I contacted them and got on an installment plan. Because I was not working at the time I called them, my payment amount was on $185 for $20K+ in debt. I paid it faithfully for years; in October 2011 I was paid in full. Because the IRS has a law that you cannot pay more than 25% in interest and penalties of the actual tax debt, a good $10K got knocked off the total bill. But I still had two tax liens on my credit report. I did some research and found out about a service called the Tax Advocate service which is run through the IRS. I contacted my local Tax Advocate. For the sake of brevity, I will not go into the details of how I argued my case to get two tax liens released, but I did and in 2005 poof they were gone from my life and my credit report. If anyone needs more info, I would be happy to answer questions later in this post. 5) PSTD: I just endured this, but chose to embrace anger over victimhood. I was one extremely angry person for many years and I ruminated and had nightmares for years. I often thought about writing the SHRINK who did this to me, but refrained. One thing that I learned from this whole ordeal was to trust in my instincts which was empowering and allowed me to pick and chose my relationships with people and situations that were good for me. I let go of many friends who were not healthy for me. 6) Estrangement from my family: In 2003 I was estranged from my entire family (father, mother and brother). Today I am by choice still estranged from by father and brother. This is because I realize it is futile to ever expect them to change and to stay in relationship with them will only hurt me. I have however, repaired my relationship with my mother. I am extremely happy to share that six months ago I convinced her to move from Illinois to New York and reclaim her life. She tapered off multiple pmeds herself around 2007 and was left with two medical conditions diabetes and downbeat nystagmus from taking lithium and depakote for many years. She lived alone, my brother who lived close by was not helping her, and she was not getting the proper medical attention so she agreed with me. Today she lives 2 miles away from me, we are extremely close and I have helped her get her life back. My husband and she adore each other. So that is how I put the pieces of my life back after being devastated by polypharmacy. And I joined this forum because I think it is important that people know that taking these medications can be extremely harmful on so many levels. I hope this information helps someone out there. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. I wish all of you the best and trust that if I could restore my life which was utterly devastated by psychiatry, you can too.
  2. Hey everyone, I’ve been meaning to post here for a while. i was on zoloft from 2011, was prescribed 50mg but shortly went up to 100mg after a few months. I started to taper around April 2021 and did so over a whole year, reaching 0mg by April 2022. The withdrawals started to appear around a month later in May, it was literally hell on earth. Waking up at 05:00 every morning in an anxiety attack which would then keep me in a state of constant anxiety and depression until around 7pm where my nerves seemed to just drop from the stress and the cycle would repeat itself the morning after. This went on for about 5 months and this forum is one of the few things that kept me going, if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I was going to stand my ground until then. I could not be alone, I would use every chance I could get these 5 months to run, I ran and ran hoping it would give me some respite since my soul already felt like it was burning. I coped by talking to friends and family about what I wasgoing through, a lot, I cannot suffer in silence since it makes it infinitely worse so I felt compelled to, it helped and they were supportive. I thought that if I get even 0.5% better each day, I would get better eventually. I broke down many times crying, wanting to end it all instead of living in this hell but then there came a day where I noticed a tiny improvement and thought to myself that I could keep scaling that improvement. In September I started seeing real results and I kept taking care of myself emotionally and physically. No tobacco, drugs or alchohol at any time. Fast forward to summer of 2023 and I’m better than I ever have been. Fall 2023 and I am way better than I was on medication and genuinely happy for the first time in such a long time, and it’s all just me, no medication or SO. Hang in there, cope and strive with healthy methods and you will make it.
  3. Hi everyone, I told myself that if I ever make it out of this experience, I want to go back and give hope to others who are going through it. Around a year ago, I stopped setraline after a year and a half (including 8 months tapering). The weariness kicked in slowly, but I did not realize it was because of the withdrawal until I stopped it entirely. When withdrawal started, I kept telling myself to push harder, and harder as that was how I got through tough times before (mind you, I survived PTSD), but the reality was that I just couldn't. My mind started to hurt every time I try to think to an extent where I can't even string a coherent sentence together. The different thing is that during my withdrawal, nothing makes sense, not only cognitively but spiritually. Different from my trauma experience where even though flashbacks and triggers were rampant, there were parts of me that I still connected with and kept me sane, withdrawal felt like my identities and self have been stripped bare. For the following six months, I was what I could only describe as a psychotic break - it almost felt like time was slipping through my fingers, yet every hour that the clocks near my dorm chimed only reminded me of my own mortality. Yet, looking back, it was these little moments to telling myself to keep pushing forward - even though it did not make any sense at the time - that made a difference: getting up every morning despite all the odds and all the inner turmoil ravaging in the back of my head, deciding to push past the terms with every ounce of energy I have (it wasn't perfect, but hey we do what we can with what we have). These little things are pivotal moments that have allowed me to be where I am today. The progression of my withdrawals, as far as I can remember, were as followed -August 2023 (6 months after): this was when I first noticed a small glimpse of windows - a short relief here and there - that indicated that I was going to be alright. My head still hurts when I think, I still have horrible intrusive thoughts and that nothing I did make any sense -September 2023: Started my fall term junior year. I had a lot of grieves on the life path that I couldn't pursue, but I couldn't express any emotions just yet. Fall term was a leap of faith - I did not know if I would make it, but by releasing the academic pressure off my shoulder, I made it through. I was still on a full blown wave when stressed (especially during exams period or so), but deep down I had this feeling that the old me was inside, buried in some corner, but he was still there. There were moments where I did nothing but just crawled in my bed and waited out the waves, and I'm glad I allowed myself those moments. -December 2023: I had moments of doubts on whether I should come back to school. I know that school will only get harder from here, as well as many of the important life choices I will have to make, as well as the dreaded Midwest winter. Yet, I took a leap of faith to come back - and on top of the academic workload I had to manage with summer internship application (yes all of this sounds really vain but if you had asked me if I would be able to manage all of this I would have told you that you must have been crazy) -March 2024: this is truly the timepoint where I finally feel again - I feel grateful, I feel alive, I feel pain, I feel my bottled-up grieved being released (and continues to be released), but most of all, I felt a sense of deeper connection with life itself. I never thought I reached this place in my life where even though life is still a struggle at times, it is a beautiful struggle. On top of that, my constant migraines... just stopped. I'm not sure if this is it, or there will be other waves along, but I have never felt more at peace with everything. I'm not writing this piece to brag about my being able to do things during withdrawal - I think cutting yourself some slacks are necessary to your recovery and survival, something my old self would not have appreciated it. I guess what I am suggesting is that even at the darkest of time, when things felt so absurd and you couldn't think of a way forward, just keep moving, keep putting one foot in front of others, as best as you can. I remember a line from Samuel Beckett that kept me going in the darkest of time : "I can't go on. I will go on." It may not seem like it matters, but it does in retrospect. During my whole experience of withdrawal, I think one epiphany that stuck out to me the most was the paradox of things - that (metaphorical) dying is accompanied with rebirth, and birth with another dying - we are constantly going through these cycles of death and rebirth ourselves, and withdrawal being one of those dark nights of the souls. Know in your darkest of time, when you hurt the most that you are also healing, that your body is working to recalibrate your system and brings you back to homeostasis. This paradox is always at work. Of course, I know I am very lucky circumstance as so many others have taken these medications for so long, or are on a multi-drug cocktail. But just keep going, you will get there. I also want to thank the admins, and the community here for giving me hopes throughout my journey. The sense of community, as well as the success stories were lifeline that I clung onto in moments of chaos. My hopes and wishes are with you all, those who are suffering through this battles as well as those who have survived on the other sides.
  4. Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time. I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you. Am I completely 100% done healing? No. Am I so, so much better? Oh yes! Now for some basics: Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey. Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery). So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once! I am proof that given time we can heal. I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free. Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try. I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern. I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off. At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end. But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner. Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves. My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so. I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years. And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order: Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember. The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too. Did anything help me along the way? I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better. Did it work? In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better. But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely. I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate. Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method. It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies. I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian. So, what remains for me? I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues. If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed. I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it. I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness. So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again. I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!” And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going! As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign. Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”. Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery. Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help. All my love. Pug
  5. It has been a year since I got off Lexapro. I am now completely healed without symptoms. I think this would be a good time for me to share my success story with you. (Link to my intro topic: BellaC: tapering Lexapro / escitalopram) Background: 33 years old female, I took 20mg SSRI Escitalopram (Brand name: Lexapro) from 2010-2017. I started tapering in June 2017 after family doctor's advice. Taper timeline: 2017 June -2022 March (I posted a very detailed timeline & symptoms at the very end of this post, for those who are interested) Taper strategy: usually 10% taper each time, reach stability before further tapering. Taper method: 1. Cut & weight pill with digital scale; 2. homemade liquid solution (w/ syringe) when the dosage is low. Pattern of recovery: For each taper, I usually held 4 weeks (sometimes 8 weeks) for the symptoms to subside. In the early stage, I experienced more somatic symptoms (physiological discomfort) than psychological symptoms; as the dosage got lower, it was the other way around-psychological symptoms became dominant. After I completely stopped the medication, it took about 6 months (plus a lot of inner work) for the symptoms to dissolve. It has been a year and I am completely healed! Drug free and symptom free! Things that helped me heal & what I learned from the experience: Tapering method: 10% taper is good. You can adjust later depending on how your body reacts, but always start slow and go steady. Observe and listen to your body. Know when to pause, when to re-evaluate, when to ask for help. Trust yourself but never do this alone. Mindset: This is a huge one. Here is my philosophy that worked well: symptoms are temporary, change is happening daily, so go slow and steady. Don’t taper for the sake of taper. Before anything else, make sure you are a functional person for the loads of life responsibilities you have (home, work, school, relationship etc.). Either adjust the speed of taper, or adjust the loads of your life responsibilities. The whole purpose of taper, is to function better and to live a more meaningful life, which may or may not be a pain-free life. Taper for a “meaningful life”, not a “pain free life”. Rational expectations: You will have symptoms, your body will feel uncomfortable, your mood will swing, and symptoms will not disappear quickly but will go away eventually. Irrational expectations or being emotionally unprepared increase the likelihood of failure. Supplement: fish oil, I cannot comment on how much it helped but this was what I took. Coping: exercise (walking, running), meditation, talk to my support network, inform and update people around me of my tapering & ask them to monitor/support me. Have hope & be patient: Trust neuroplasticity. I do believe that the brain is a consistently changing organ. With time and new coping skills, it heals. Get emotional support: Talk about your decision with people you can trust and check in with them regularly. Do the inner work: If you take drugs for mood disorders (nonpsychotic type) such as depression/anxiety or trauma/stress related disorders, know that the symptoms are likely to return and stay as you taper. Because those traumas have not been worked on yet. It's hard work to step into the storm, but it's absolutely necessary and liberating once you go through it. The body and mind store the trauma, they are stuck energy in you. Once you are brave enough and are ready to release it, do the inner work by looking for resources that are accessible to you. Whether it's therapist, church/spiritual guides, or books/videos, go find them or they will find you in the right time. Don't just listen/read, practice what you've learned. Here are some resources that helped me tremendously: [Book] Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body, by Peter A. Levine (highly recommend if you have pain/somatic symptoms) [Book/Audiobook] The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle [Book/Audiobook] Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle [Youtube] Eckhart Tolle's teaching on his Youtube channel [Book/Audiobook] Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You, by Matt Kahn [Biblical Canon] Holy Bible Final words Whenever you are, you are exactly where you need to be on your journey. Don't indulge on the past or project to the further. Focus on each step in front of you. Have faith. I am so thankful for this site (and mediators) that provided so many valuable information. I want to do the same to help, support and cheer for your journey. If you have any questions, feel free to drop a comment below. --------------------------------------------------------Detailed timeline & sx-------------------------------------------------------------- Lexapro 20mg: 2010-2017 (I was doing fine for those years) PCP recommended tapering in June 2017 Tapering instructed by PCP: 20mg & 10mg every other day: 6/2017-12/2017, No sx 10mg: 12/2017-2/2018, Anxiety and hormone imbalance Restated 15mg: 2/2018-7/12/2018, No Sx Self Tapering: ---------digital scale weighing method below----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2018 15mg & 12.5mg every other day:7/12- 8/8, No sx 12.5mg : 8/9- 8/28: palpitation, brain fog, diarrhea, dreams, obsessive thought. Subsided on 8/29. 11.2mg: 9/14 -10/12: mild sx. Subsided by 9/27/2018. 10.2mg: 10/13 - 11/7: lethargy, mild shoulder pain. Subsided in 2 wks. 9.2mg: 11/7- 12/10: no sx 2019 8.4mg: 12/11/18- 1/7/19: mild sx. Subsided in 3 days. 7.3mg: 1/8-1/26/: no sx 6.6mg: 1/27-2/25: pain, palpitation, anxiety. Subsided in 1 wk. 5.67mg(15% cut): 2/26-3/26: dreams, pain, palpitation. Subsided in 2 wks. 5mg: 3/26-4/25: no sx. 4.1mg: 4/26-5/19: slight palpitation, gone by 5/8. 3.4mg:5/20-6/23: no sx 2.8mg:6/24-7/21: palpitation, anxiety and dreams. subsided after 2 wks. 2.45mg:7/22-8/18: slight palpitation, down mood, gone by 1st week; diarrhea daily. subsided after 3 wks. 2.1mg:8/19-9/18: slight palpitation, dreams, constipation. gone by 3rd wk. 1.69mg: 9/19-10/16: slight WD sx. 1.38mg: 10/17-11/18: anxiety, depression sx. gone by 4th week. 1.17mg: 11/19-12/16: 2nd week-somatic pain, anxiety, diarrhea, better by 3rd wk. 2020 (new year yay!) 0.92mg: 12/17/2019-1/26/2020: holding, has been 6 wks: somatic pain, down mood, dream, some diarrhea. 0.76mg: 1/27-3/1: somatic pain, palpitation in first 2 wks, diarrhea in 3rd wk, gone by 4th week. 0.65mg: 3/2-3/28: I did not track sx 0.55mg: 3/29-5/5: I did not track sx 0.46mg:5/6-6/3: overall mood is a little low, sad and pessimistic sometimes, sensitive towards stress. stabilized after 4wks. 0.38mg: 6/4-7/19: depressed mood, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.31mg:7/20-8/23:depressed mood initially, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month 0.23mg: 8/24-10/4: depressed, somatic pain, less , social, easily cry, low motivation. got better after almost 2 months! --------- Homemade liquid solution below------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 0.15mg :10/5-11/5: pain in shoulder, depressed, gone after 1st week. 0.13mg:11/6/20- 12/7/20: depressed. stable after 1 month. 2021 (new year yay!) 0.11mg: 12/8/20-1/3/21:depressed, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.097mg: 1/4/21-3/7/21: depressed, anxiety, mood swing, pain in shoulder. improved after 2 mons. 0.084mg: 3/8/21-5/9/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking pattern. improved after 2mons. 0.071mg: 5/10/21-9/30/21: increased anxiety, shoulder pain, difficulty concentration, negative thinking, lack of motivation. Improved after doing Somatic Experiencing exercises after the book Healing Trauma by Peter Levine 0.064mg:10/1/21- 11/1/21: No sx, minimal pain 0.051mg:11/2/21-1/9/22: anxiety, shoulder pain, low motivation. ease after 2 months. 2022 (new year yay!) 0.032mg: 1/8/22-2/28/22: palpitation, pain in shoulder, ease after 1 month. 0.016mg: 3/1/22-3/10/22: anxiety, palpitation. 0 mg: 3/11/22 (jumped off!): anxiety ( palpitation, irritability, panic), mood swing, pain in shoulders, low motivation, difficulty concentrating, slow mental processing, difficulty falling asleep, nightmares.
  6. Disclaimer :This is my first post on SA & I'm not english native i'm from France. So please be kind regarding my english First of all, I would like to express my deep gratitude to all women & men who are serving as admins for this excellent website. It is a gem, an awesome resource for lost souls like i used to call myself. Many of you became like friends of mine thru this past awful year. So thank you ! My story began one day of June 2018 at the restaurant. I was enjoying my diner and suddenly I was hit by a severe panic attack. I did not know about it back then. Anyways, It was like shortness of breathe, vertigo, needles in hands and severe palpitations. I thought it was my last day ! I was rushed to home since my wife believed i was only panicking out of nothing. I'm hypochondriac & very anxious about everything. But heh, I was never hit by a panic attack before. Long story short, I since started suffering from shortness of breathe. They are just awful. I visited my GP and gave me Alprazolam (Xanax). Honestly it saved me. I just start to function again and i was able to travel that summer of 2018. After 2 weeks, my GP advised me to stop it. I did. Everything was then fine until mid-sept 2018. And bammmm again I was hit by another panic attack at the dentist. And since that day, I felt fragile I could not drive, I could not do anything. I was just waiting for the next panic wave. I could not think about anything. Just scared to go outside. The GP advised a psychologist. And I started a therapy by November 2018. Honestly It did not work. My panic attacks were so severe and especially out of nowhere which scared me more. A vicious circle. I was really pissed off because I have a great job (i'm running a software company), great hobbies (i'm studying maths & quantum physics) and great family. So why the heck i'm getting those panic attacks ??? By Feb 2019, my GP concluded that my mental is so tough and I need something. He then put me on Fluoxetine 20 mg. After few weeks (of nausea), it worked. I was functioning again. My life was back to normal. No more nothing. Where are my panic attacks ? they are gone I felt great. By Oct 2019, the GP advised to start reducing the 20mg dose. So i start taking 10mg everyday for 2 weeks, then 10mg every day .. then every 2 days ... In fact, I was tapering very very fast. Because I never knew about tapering and GP never talked about the post-withdrawal thing. Dec 2019, I was driving .. and suddenly for the first time I felt not good. Like an anxiety slapping me :). Woow I was surprised. Then by Feb 2020, I start having stomach pain, then nausea then mild anxiety ... it was like this until I stopped taking the last 5 mg by july 2020. Then the big ride began. I was like going crazy. I start to feel dizzy some days, then panic attacks then like i'm going to faint some other days ... And seriously it goes like that for weeks and weeks. Until I found this site by Oct 2020. And then I was relieved to read that i was not alone. I was in fact into waves. I rarely had a window. Every day since Feb 2020 I was in bad shape. I cant even count how many times I felt like i'm going to faint or how many times I jumped from the bed because of palpitations, ectopics, heart skipping the beat. I cant even tell you how many hours i spent behind this website to learn & find solutions ... Mostly they did not work. I had to go through this post acute withdrawal or what ever hell you call it. Basically I was plagued by all kind of stuff during this year and those symptoms come and go in a different pace and frequency. Today is my 1 year mark (last dose 17 July 2020), and I can tell you i'm feeling great again. I can drink some beers without feeling like i'm dying. I can run, I can eat every thing without feeling palpitations and bowel issues .. So today, I'm feeling 98% AWESOME No more fatigue, no more jelly legs, no more itching or needles in legs arms. I have resumed reading my physics books (except some blurry vision) and my mind is now clear. I can think again & have meetings with my customers without running away pretending that my home bell is ringing ( you guys know of course it is not the bell but panic attack) So you guys there .. believe me you will heal. Just hang on there. Do believe in your body resilience. It will go with time. Trust me, this whole year was a nightware. But at 10 months mark I was start feeling a little ok (except some ectopics heartbeats. My GP said it is stress. But I know it is my mind & body fighting what's left from that poison called fluoxetine) Feel free to ask me question, i'll be happy to motivate & help ! May the Universe Bless You
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