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  1. I have been on and off celexa, paxil, zoloft, lexapro, xanax and metroplol (beta blocker). It all started my mom passed away May 2014 then 2 weeks later my dad went unresponsive in front of me (thought he had passed - he ended passing 4 weeks later). I panicked and ended up in the hospital with a bunch of tests being done which came back fine. A week later I had a follow up with my Dr from my hospital visit. I told him I was feeling a little sad (probably was normal after what I had just gone through). That's when the medicines started. I was on them from June 2014-December 2014. Had side effects with all of them. 2 1/2 months after I went off I started feeling down and stomach issues, Dr put me on Xanax. After a week of that my heart started racing. Then back on lexapro. That's when my sleep got all messed up! I was literally not sleeping for days. I stopped lexapro after a week. Had to take a leave from work. In May 2015 went on ambien and back on antidepressant. That's when inner shakiness/vibrations started (still have to this day). Stopped medicine in July 2015. Sleep was on and off still. Almost 3 months (Oct 2015) later started having stomach issues and back on zoloft. Took that until Dec 2015. Was feeling OK for almost 3 months (tolerable) then 3 months later March 2016 started having panic, panic attacks bad, head and vision issues, jaw clenching. On leave again from work. It's been hard to leave the house. Was panicking at the store, shower, talking to people. Didn't want to be by myself. My Dr. Keeps telling me it's my anxiety coming back. Why is it each time I have come off around the same time about 2 1/2 months off I get worse. Is it a relapse or withdrawal? My chiropractor is saying it's adrenal fatigue she is more holistic. I don't know what to do..
  2. I am new here as you can see. I need help!! I'm hoping someone can help me get off 10 mg Lexapro. Every time I try to drop to even 9mg, I end up sick to my stomach. I go back up to 10mg and am still sick to my stomach. I have no other symptoms. In my profile is all my information, I don't know how to get it to the bottom of this page. I'm not very good on the computer. Sorry
  3. Hi, I found this site a couple of weeks ago and have slowly been starting to wonder if what I’ve been going through the past 18 months is related to SSRI withdrawal. I managed to successfully withdraw from Lexapro at the end of 2010, after over 13 years of AD use. I had various fluctuating symptoms for a couple of months, but then apart from constant ringing in my ears and a return of occasional anxiety, I seemed to be ok. I was studying to be a chi-ball instructor, was exercising regularly, was eating healthy and was generally quite happy. After getting off Lexapro, I had been diagnosed with adult ADD and been put on medication for that. It worked well for a couple of weeks and seemed to completely cure what remained of my anxiety, but then I started to get extreme restlessness, OCD like symptoms, irritability and an increase in my sensitivity, to sounds and lights. I assumed it was a bad reaction to the stimulant medication. My life has been a confusing nightmare since the end of 2010 really, but until I found this site a couple of weeks ago, it really didn’t occur to me that my ongoing problems were being caused by a medication I stopped taking over 2 years ago. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life starting from an early age and have always been sensitive and anxious. There has been some violent crime and sexual abuse, but I seemed to be ok until I got myself into a psychologically abusive marriage. That’s when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and started on Zoloft. For a couple of years it took the edge off my anxiety, but I never thought I had depression, but the Zoloft just made me feel generally numb, so I endured my marriage, for several more years until it became unbearable, tried to communicate with my ex-husband so that things would improve, but he wasn’t interested in change, he was already in his next relationship and had been for a while, I didn’t know that at the time though. Then I went through about 4 years of extremely frightening separation/divorce and ongoing court proceedings. . There were other extremely stressful things I’ve had to deal with over the last 10 years, but I’m not going to go into details. I have been thinking that what I’m going through is a combination of long term stress, anxiety/depression, a ‘dark night of the soul’, menopause and/or some kind of spiritual transformation like kundalini, because I have engaged in various spiritual practises through my life. At times its felt like my CNS is completely burned out or that I have some kind of serious hormonal imbalance, but I gave up trusting the medical profession, including psychologists after years of not being able to get any help from any of them and only ending up feeling worse and that its all my fault for not trying hard enough. I’ve had lots therapy, counselling and done various support groups over the last 15 years, nothing has been any significant help. I went back to college to study psychology and started a business, but that all fell apart when the marital abuse became worse and the divorce proceedings began. Since finding this site, I’ve stopped taking all psychotropic medication, realizing that anything which effects my brain is having an exaggerated negative effect on my recovery. For a long time I’ve noticed that even small amounts of caffeine, half a glass of wine or even an anti-histamine will have a very bad effect on me, but I was thinking it was my imagination. I can’t even eat chocolate any more without suffering the next day. I’m exhausted all the time, but it’s a weird kind of fatigue, its like a combination mental/emotional tiredness, not like anything I’ve ever felt before. I spend most of my time at home, on the internet on my bed, just doing the things I need to do to take care of myself and my teenage daughter. Its very difficult just getting out to buy a few groceries, but when I do go out, I function perfectly in a kind of dissociated way, like I’m not even in my own body, I’m watching myself like from a distance, wondering who it is that’s behaving so ‘normally’ when I’m feeling so awful. Waves of negative emotions seem to get triggered by almost everything around me and almost every thought, I try not to think about things or do much of anything so I can avoid the emotional pain that thoughts or experiences bring, its like a kind of forced meditation. This symptom was at its worst from November 2011 – August 2012, but its not as bad now, seems to be settling down, I think its improved by about 50%. Please would someone take a look at the details in my signature and give me an opinion if protracted anti-depressant withdrawal might be a factor in my current health problems which include: Waking at 5am with racing thoughts Feeling like I haven’t slept at all Nausea, shaking, dizziness, body pressure, muscle twitches Waves of negative emotion Hot/cold flashes, sweating Constant ringing in my ears Sensitive to sound, light and smells Can’t watch TV or listen to the radio because its too stimulating Most things are too stimulating now, including being around other people too long Loss of appetite and loss of weight Hair falling out Agoraphobia, mostly during the day, I’m able to go out easier late afternoon towards evening Memory problems and mental confusion Loss of confidence. Loss of interest in doing anything or going anywhere Can’t get any pleasure out of things any more Loss of hope I needed to put more detail in my signature, but that’s all that would fit. From about 2006 – 2008 I was also taking duramine (a prescription stimulant weight loss med) to try and lose all the weight I’d put on from being on SSRI meds. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to try and provide a clear picture of my situation. Thank you Petu
  4. Littlegrandma

    Littlegrandma

    Moderator note - link to Littlegrandma's benzo thread Hello everyone. I wanted to introduce myself and give you my history june 2015 lunesta 2 mg for insomnia. . July 2015 started celexa for GAD and insomnia. S/A headache, nausea, stomach pain, increased anxiety, blurry vision. Sept 2015 celexa switched to lexapro due to extreme eye pressure I never felt right on the lexapro. My fog never cleared and I still needed lunesta every night to sleep. But it helped slightly with anxiety and I was able to go about life but never really enjoying it. I felt I was always trying to distract myself with menial activity. Very apathetic. June 2, 2017 tapered lex from 20 mg to 7.5. Migraine, nausea, fatigue, loss of balance, ringing in ears, depersonalization, anxiety, sweats, depression. June 25 physical symptoms subsided, so I went to 7 mg making my own liquid. I don't think I did it right. July 6th -7mg with compounded pill. july 11 dry heaves, migraine, increased anxiety, july 15 trembling, panic, racing heart july 20 went to ER for BP 210/207 was put on 25 mg metoprolol and .5 Ativan as needed. ( I was already taking .25 xanax occasionally). Aug 1 upped lex dose to 8 mg Aug 3 suicidal thoughts, panic, trembling Aug 5 upped lex dose to 10 mg at the suggestion of a new therapist. I have not been able to stabilize. I am taking more and more xanax but trying to not exceed total .75 mg day i am left incapacitated, unable to take care of my house or my grandchildren. The tremors and panic remain as well as constant nausea and headache. Aug 7 I had a 3 hour consultation to get into detox for benzo w/d. I was told I was not in w/d and they scoffed at the idea that lexapro could cause w/d issues either. They said it sounds neurological and wouldn't even be admitted for IOP until I was medically cleared by a doctor. I am in despair and have nowhere to turn. Most of my family doesn't believe this is real as they've never had a problem starting , stopping, or switching a/d meds. I'm hoping I can get some good advice from you. Sorry this is so long. I hope it makes sense. I spent a long time writing earlier and lost message when I tried to post. That took about all the energy I had, so this may seem garbled. Thank you for listening and for any advice you may be able to give me
  5. Hello all! I feel very happy to have found this place today! I am a 49 year old guy, single, not because of lack of women but because of the difficulty to keep a relation besides of being chemically castrated by psychiatric medications for 35 years in a row. Before dealing with my mental issues I was a very healthy guy, loved sports, had excellent grades and was very sociable and happy. I come from a very dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father and a sex offender neighbor who abused me many times but I never told anyone. At that time of my life I could not realize that I had been traumatized by the sexual assaults of my neighbor, but because of a change in behavior, my mother knew something was going on with me. So she decided to take me to a Pediatric Psychiatrist and the Pandora's box jut opened. I was a living trauma and for the first time in my life I was medicated. It has been 35 years without having a normal, enjoyable life My whole health decayed big time in many aspects. During treatments I developed: diabetes, hypercholesterol, hypertriglyceridemia, cardiovascular disease, whole body nerve damage, fibromyalgia, darkening and peeling of the skin in my legs, burning tongue syndrome, impotence and harsh tooth decay. I could be a 49 year old man but specialist doctors tell me that I am a high risk patient and that the situation of my physical health is the same as of an 85 year old man and that with all my health conditions, I could die anytime. It wasn't til last week that I decided to put an end to all of this, no matter how. I have used any single psychotropic medication, the old and the new and all of them are really bad for you but the FDA and the Big Pharma Industry want your money and will try you to keep on consuming their products. They don' really care if you feel good or not at all. I was feeling miserable, lying on bed for weeks because my body pains were so severe that I could not barely walk. Then, one day I started a research on psychiatric medications side effects in detail and I could relate to my state of physical health. So I made another research on how to withdraw from psychiatric medications but using natural supplements and that information has helped me big time. My current cocktail last week was Depakote 2,000mg Seroquel 800mg Efexxor 225mg Xanax 6mg Ambien 10mg Adderall XR 60mg Neurontin 1,600mg Estazolam 4mg I made a research of every single one, selected the hardest to eliminate, and decreased their dosages. Right now I am taking: Depakote 200mg Seroquel 200mg Efexxor 75mg Xanax 4mg Ambien 10mg Adderall XR 30mg Neurontin and Estazolam are history. It feels like kind of hell but this is my goal and I know I can accomplish it and at the end I will have the kind of life that I deserve. For next week I will keep on reducing dosages and going into "full time " natural supplementation with: Vitamin D, Chelated Magnesium, Turmeric, L-Carnitine, Vitamin E, Fish Oil, Vitamin C 1,000, Garlic, Ginckgo Biloba, Coenzime Q10, Flavonoids, Copper, Alpha LipoicAcid, B Complex and B-12 separately. Do your research for your own good. You were not born with all those meds and undesirable side effects, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The information I posted is based on my own opinions and experiences and in NO way I instruct you to do the same, I just think that my history may inspire you in making things the better for you. Many blessings to all, HEMARO
  6. Dear all, I took Sertraline 50 (French name for Zoloft). for only a month and I have developped PGAD (Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder) following a too fast withdrawal. I read the story of some of your members who had PGAD when they withdrew from an antidepressant and their stories looked like mine and gave me hope and I hope they can confort me and assist me because I am in a very dark place. I read the stories of Hopefull anf Broken. Are they still on the forum ? How are they doing ? Until December 2016, I had never taken any antidepressant or a benzo in my entire life. I was leading an happy life with my husband and son in the West of France. We had a chemical accident in december. I mixed 2 products while cleaning my house, bleach and a cleaning product with acid and stupidly burnt my lungs and got a toxic choc on the 27th of december. My doctor thought I was anxious afer the accident and put me on Xanax 0.25, half a pill at night. I took it for a month in January 2017 and was sent to a psychiatrist who put me on Lisanxia 10, a pill a day. I felt suicidal because i didnt understand I was suffering from the Xanax withdrawal the doctors kept changing the pill without any tappering, I stayed on Lysanxia 10, a pill a day the whole February , then another psychiatrist decided to put me on Bromazepan 6 (4 quarter a day). I stayed on Bromazepan the entire March and he put me back on Xanax, all of that cold turkey. And that how I met my worse nightmare, the Sertraline AD: I was feeling very agitated on benzos, my lungs and entire skin were burning and everybody told me it was in my head. I didn't agree so I was hospitalised againt my wish in a psychiatrist hospital. There, they made me stop my Xanax 0.25 cold turkey and put me on Sertraline 50. This happened on Easter monday 2017 (April 17 th). After 2 weeks, I was sent home and started feeling very ill, I had tremors, agitation, fatigue, shakes, flu like symptoms and suicidal thoughts. I went to see a GP who told me I could drop the Sertraline to 25 because I had only been on it for 2 weeks and I could slowly stop it. I went on the 25 pill and then I started having violent withdrawal side effects (I don't know which ones came from Xanax or from Sertraline) : My symptoms : Sensitivity to light and smells, burning skin, hyperacusis, agitation, akathisia, tinnitus and when I thought it couldn't get worse, I started peeing every 10 minutes, got a hyperactive bladder, terrible pains in my genitalias, bladder and pelvic area and the worse of it permanent arousal. Since I have kept the tinnitus in my left ear, the akatisia and PGAD. I was sent to another mental hospital at the beginning of June because I thought they could help me with PGAD. They put me on Risperidone for a week while they made me stop the Sertraline very fast (they made me take it every 2 days for a week then they replaced it with Anafranil 25 that I kept for a week. My tinnitus got worse and my PGAD stayed the same. I was getting sicker and sicker so the psychiatrist stopped the Anafranil and the Risperidone and I was put back on Xanax. I am now back at home, my PGAD symptoms are terrible and I am considered manic and hypocondriac. My doctor wants to put me back in a mental hospital. I can't look after my family and Iam in a very dark place with suicidal thoughts My 3 main withdrawal symptoms : high pitched tinnitus, agitation and PGAD. Pins and needles in my lower back, legs and arms when the PGAD crisis start. . MY PGAD symptoms : Overactive bladder, ongoing arousal sensations in and around the genitals, having to go to the toilets every 10 minutes, pelvic pains, Pins and needle, shaking. It is atrocious and it makes me suicidal. I take 3 Xanax 0.25 a day and a Zopiclone 7 to sleep. I cannot sit because the symptoms get worse and I can barely walk because my bladder hurts. I spend my days crying on my bed with an ice pack on my lower parts. At night I cannot sleep well because of the tinnitus. I went to see an urologist, I had a cystoscopy done and they told me it is not an interstitial cysticis and gave me Lyrica (I am scared of taking it because I fear it will make my tinnitus worse). Nobody knows this symptom in France and people think i am crazy. Thank you for reading my story. Please can you reassure me ? I am terrified and I am suffering greatly. Would it go away ? Is it a withdrawal symptom ? Thank you so much for having this site on the internet. It gave me a lot of confort. Cathyfrench (I am french so I hope my English is not too bad, my apologies for my grammatical errors)
  7. Ηello everyone. I have severe anhedonia, emotional anesthesia, severe PSSD, extremelly fatique and dizziness due to cold turkey of paxil(60mg!!). I tοοκ it for 6 weeks and I am free 8 months now. The issue is that I am on benzo (xanax) 3 years(!) in doses 1 - 1,5 mg and now I am on hell in other words :( because I have dependence and tolerance (maybe) to xanax. Ι was never warned that ssri will cause me so terrible side effects such as anhedonia and PSSD. Therefore, I was concentrated to cut the xanax gradually this year. Now I have so many nightmares and nobody doctor believes me, because, as you Know very well, all these situations aren't recognizable. Also I am very confused because I don't Know if it is W/D or adverse reaction. Although I got a huge dose, I Think 6 weeks is a short exposure to develop W/D. I don't have waves and windows. Every day is the same.I keep thinking that is permanent and I have intense suicidal thoughts. It' so unbearable ... I feel so EMPTY. I can't feel love even for my parents and I haven't substantial support because they ALL think that I am simply depressed. Ιt's a sick joce....Do you think that I must taper the xanax now? My brain is in chaos and I am afraid for W/D from xanax now, but maybe I have not other choice. Keep in mind that I had not these effects (anhedonia, emotional blunting,PSSD) 2.5 years while I was ONLY on xanax. Any advise would be highly appreciated! Sorry for my bad English. Greetings
  8. Skeeter

    Skeeter's Journey

    My signature pretty much covers my recent history. For anyone reading this, if you have a short term bout of anxiety, and your doc suggests, Xanax, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, read up on how hard it is to come off of it, and consider that before you ever start the med. I was put on it for short term anxiety, was on it for 4 months, and then my doc switched me from Xanax to less that half of the equivalent dose of Valium in one day (a process that should take several months, according to the Ashton Method, which most say is too fast- and I agree), so I ended up with over 50 signs and symptoms on top of the pain I already deal with on a daily basis that changed from day to day, even hour to hour. April was when I did the switch, and I did not feel human until July sometime. I am just holding now, before I am ready to start a very slow taper on my own, WITHOUT A CALENDAR! I have been on valium for a long time, but at a dose that is still at least 5mg over what I was on for muscle spasms. I would like to get back to PRN (as needed). That is the reason I am here, but if we back up to October of 2016, my doctor took me off of 3 AD's, 2 of which I had been on over 7 years. Wellbutrin (depression from chronic pain), and Trazodone (for sleep), then added Cymbalta for about a year, a clerical error, I was SUPPOSED to slowly switch from one to the other, but because I was feeling better, it got forgotten about. I had 3 episodes of Serotonin Syndrome between September and December of 2015 (was set off by minor to moderate dehydration, I was hospitalized for 3 days, and remember only parts of it, I did not sleep in those 3 days, nor did I eat, but the hospital did not pay much attention to me.. So,I was suffering from poop-out of all of the AD's, and my doc agreed to take me off of the AD's and switch for a new one, only e weeks later, he changed his mind, and refused to switch me to a new one, and gave me the name of ONE psychiatrist. I was suffering from severe anxiety first, and instead of giving me a simple AD, he thought somehow that it was SAFER to give me 2-3mg of Xanax every day (up from the 8mg of Valium I took for 7 years, a drop in the bucket compared to Xanax), then, by month 3, I started to have interdose WD. I found out my GP would prescribe an AD (Lexapro), so I started that, and within a month, i felt human again. I had severe suicidal ideation before I started Lexapro, and tht did stop the AD WD fully, I was given a choice by 2 docs, 1 saud, 12 weeks, no longer, we will remove you from 3mg/day of Xanax. Knowing this might happen, I lowered down to 2mg a day (equal to 40mg/day of Valium. Doc 2 said we switch you in one day from X to V, so of course I picked doc #2's plan. it was awful, but the best of 2 choices. I was lucky, I stayed out of the psychiatrists hands! My biggest issue right now is stopping the messages that were firmly implanted in my head after belonging to other forums, where to me they seemed to clearly be saying in their messages, as I understood them, that if you are not moving forward with your taper, you are failing yourself and prolonging your agony. Again this is the message I took from it. This made no sense to me, because if you go too quickly with tapering benzo's, you are virtually guaranteeing a trip through hell via Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome/Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). And at one forum there are seemingly hundreds of people going through PAWS. I am not saying the forum is wrong, but the only talks about going super slow I could find were years old or there was one forum that talked about taking prolonged breaks once in a while. I also read the liquid micro taper area, where the main moderator in one forum seems to be very clear in her opinion (again if I understood correctly) in saying that not tapering daily (esp taking a break for 3 days or more) seems to be greatly frowned upon... As a result, I got it stuck in my head that I am failing myself somehow by not continually forcing myself to taper when I do not feel ready to, like I am somehow hurting my body. My only remaining symptom out of over 50 at my peak is a severe sensitivity to artificial sweeteners like Sorbitol, Mannitol, Xylitol, etc. I had to stop reading one forum because of all of the horror stories, and all of the people with Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome. Seeing people talking and being so confused because they ended up with constant severe disabling symptoms leaving them bedbound for months to years, confused because they did what the forums considered a slow to average taper- following the directions laid out for them, during which they seemed to suffer greatly virtually non-stop only to end up with symptoms that ended up being MUCH worse than the taper itself( and lasting longer than the taper did!). I do not get why at that point you do not reinstate and stay on a very low dose until... I finally saw a ray of light (and felt my first hope since April!!) several days ago when I did a search on the internet named "How slow is too slow to taper off of Valium." What came up was a link from this forum called "The slowness of slow tapers", which was started by Rhiannon. It was the lightbulb moment I needed. I am only 5 pages in, it was started in 2012, and is still going. I also noticed you have a Benzo place here that I look forward to visiting!! Thank you for offering the kind of support I have been looking for this whole time, when I first stated looking for help. On other forums, I saw at least 20 comments from people on one forum who said that they cold not bear to read that forum because there were so many people suffering so awfully. Yes, all of the forums offer support, but I think that maybe with so many people suffering that maybe one might need to look at why so many people who follow the programs and taper schedules supplied end up in such a bad place for so horribly long after stopping the med. I do understand that some of these people did a cold turkey stop of the meds, but so many I found had followed a taper schedule and followed the calendar vs how they were feeling. Ashton is a great place to start, but maybe the schedules she provided prior to her passing are no longer applicable, and are possibly now far too fast for some with the understanding we now have of how the mind and body works, maybe? This is a general rhetorical question, I am not trying to slam any specific forum. I did not read just one forum, and I belonged to more than one. I want to be very clear on this! For the moderators and members offering gentle help and amazing support- thank you so much for your time!! Thank you for reading about my experience, and my questions. I feel sorry that you had to suffer through al of this...lol! UPDATE: After switching Xanax for a low dose of Valium, I had waves of symptoms that lasted until I was 20 months out from my one day switch. My doc even told me he knew the Xanax would not last long for me, and he knew would have to see someone else to get an AD. I loved my doctor, but I still have never forgotten the hell I suffered. Yes I was feeling pretty well by the time I wrote this, but it did not last
  9. Dear friends. I am right now in a very big of a situation. My second daughter is coming into this world due in two weeks and i am as much as a wreck as evere. I had used xanax for on and off very small doses but after two weeks of continuous 0.25 mg usage it seems i got hooked and started to have a lot of anxiety and panic attack. Before that i have had twice problems but i managed to pass them with personal power and sort of other CBT. This time was a bit harder. I Somehow stabilized at start of April on 6 MG Bromazepam and 20 MG Anmitryptiline. After the stabilization i started tapering and failed the first time. The amount went big again up to 6 MG and after a period of 10 days i developed some kind of depression even though i managed to stay at work. Doctor prescribed Remeron 15 MG and i was a bit reluctant to take but i am in a very difficult position right now as my wife is giving birth to my second kid within two weeks and apart from that i have a loan to pay and could not afford to be off so i agreed with the doc to start it. Psychologicaly in the beginning i felt good because with Remeron help i started to make big jumps on the Benzo (Bromazepam) and within 3 weeks i have gone from 6 MG to 0.75 Mg currently. I am still scared though because i have never been on an antidepressant before and there are horror stories all around web about all types of them as well. This is the fourth week i am taking Remeron and is not helping to much with sleep some nights due to my worry thoughts, some more it has side effects (high cholesterol and triglycerides are a trend in my family, me no exception to that) and i am only 40 Years old. There are days when i really feel very bad and hopeless in this situation but somehow manage to push it forward. I need help whether i am doing the right thing and in case yes after i am done with bromazepam most probably in 3-4 days how long should i wait to start tapering Remeron.... One mor thing friends... i have never been depressed for all of my life. OKKKK... i have had difficult moments or periods here and there... but only mild situations. This time the doctore tried to cure me with the reason of my fears.... and i think she failed miserably. Anyway.... i was scared out of proportion after three weeks of xanax and some drinking sessions and all went berserk. Give me some opinions on what should i do???!! Should i wait some days and try taper fast Remeron??? (i will be on them total 4 weeks this tuesday). Maybe i am one of those persons who by chance do not have withdrawals... All the best and keep it tight.... WE WILL PREVAIL.... :-)
  10. Good Day, I wish I could say that my withdrawal symptoms from quitting Lexapro are the worst, but quitting Xanax takes that title. I have been off Xanax for two years and six months. The first day was the worst, the first year was the worst, and I am not feeling any Xanax issues now except waking up in a cold sweat every night since 2014. Anyway, I have not looked back or taken Xanax ever again. During that entire ordeal, I was still on Lexapro. I didn't quit it also because I didn't want to do too much at once. I finally quit Lexapro on the 25th of Dec 2016. Side note: To help me quit Xanax, I was put on Seroquel and Neurontin at rehab, and I gained 20kgs in 6 months which I am still trying to lose. I have lost half of it, but for some reason, my metabolism is no longer the same. I can't lose weight after rehab. I quit Seroquel cold turkey and tapered off Nuerontin. I took it for about six months and stopped when the weight piled on. Back to why I am here: The first month after quitting Lexapro was alright. Just brain zaps and nothing else really. I thought, "Wow! Quitting these antidepressants is very easy! I should have done it earlier." I was basing my experience on Xanax, which is harder at the beginning and easier with time. I didn't expect things to begin falling apart later, and boy are they falling apart. Month two drug free was also not too bad, but it was filled with episodes of sadness. Month three became worse than month two, and I felt withdrawn and my lust for life started disappearing again. Month four was worse than month three and I felt myself losing more joy, being darker than I have ever been. Month five, my current situation, is a hot mess! My anxiety is back, my depression is back, and actually they are back and worse than ever. My obsessive thoughts are back. Oh, and my sexual urges are back, after years of thinking that I might be asexual. The problem is, my sexual urges are disconnected from my emotions, so as horny as I am, I still don't feel like having sex with my husband, and the whole thing is making me panic for several reasons. My insomnia is back. I am weepy and frustrated. My pessimism is back. I hate life right now. My face is braking out and for this last week, I have been unable to eat so I also feel awful due to that, I am sure. I could go on for days about how awful I feel right now. I have not left bed for a week! I have made music though. Actually, I started having the urge and will to create music around month 3 of quitting. Before that, I though I would never make music again. So, there are pros and cons to this quitting, more cons than pros though, currently. I was thinking of going back on Lexapro when I happened on this website. I have now changed my mind. I thought I was just getting worse and worse until I end up committing suicide, however from the posts I have read, it gets better apparently, and none of my torture is unusual. I was suppose to start a family this year but now I have doubts. I would wait a year but I am 35 in three months so... I am taking, and have been for over a year, Magnesium (a high dose), Iron Fumarate (I have severe anemia), Vitamin C (a very high dose), Probiotics, L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex and Vitamin B12 on top, 5HTP and Valerian, camomile tea when I have the strength to make it. Mood: Very Blue. Like in the pic.
  11. Hello everybody, I found this site through google search after I entered 'escitalopram withdrawal' and I liked what I found here so much that I decided to create an account. What you are saying is very close to my experience compared to what doctors are saying which could basically be summed up as: you see you can't do without anti-depressants. I was in a rush so didn't write down my whole history with anti-depressants but mosty focussed on my current problem. To sum up I have been almost continuously on anti-depressants since 2000. I could say that after I stopped taking each of these my depression would return worse than before combined with other very painful and unbearable sensations which led me to start taking anti-depressants again just to put me out of my misery. First it was Prozac, then Zoloft. My doctor just told me: anti-depressants don't make you dependant and you can stop taking them just like that! Discontinuing Prozac didn't cause any problems: I was depressed all the time basically, even while taking it. But with Zoloft I was in a great period of my life, feeling very stable and after 2 weeks following discontinuoation in 2 steps (as advised by my doctor) I was suddenly and completely out of the blue hit by the worst depression ever which led my doctor to put me on Escitalopram (at that time I would eat crocodiles just to get some relief! My brain was thrown off the cliff as somebody here said. Then I started doubting my docor and started reading about anti-depressants from the perspective of users so I learnt that such abrupt discontinuation could actually explain my depression. I realised discountinuation had to be much more gradual but didn't know about the 10 % rule ;( So after taking Escitalopram 10 mg for 2 years I cut 10 mg into half and was on that half (5mg) for 6 months doing OK. After that I cut the half of the pill to get 1/4 and was taking it for 2 weeks when the pharmacist said there was shortage of Escitalopram so I was forced to discontinue. After a few days I started experiencing extreme irritability and out of body sensations. These symptoms gradually dissipated but the general sense of emotional instability and vulnerability deepened. Around 45 days later I experienced a strong panic attack and went back to 1/4. All along I've been on Xanax which I recently brought down to 2 times 0.25 mg. I'm not from UK and in my country they don't even have 5 mg tablets on the market, let alone liquid solution ;( But i saw somebody here wrote I could make the liquid from tablets myself. Since my doctor has no clue, I would very much appreciate your opinion: what to do now? 2 months after complete discontinuation. I went back to 1/4 5 days ago and already feel a certain relief. My plan is to see if I will stabilise on this and if not, go back to half that is 5 mg and then after I stabilise try 10 % discontinuation as you advise here. Thank you very much for being around and sharing your experiences because left to doctors and pharmacists, we are worse than being alone ;(
  12. Hello, I have had OCD and GAD since childhood and panic disorder since I was 30 years old. I am 48, and this summer completed a taper from Luvox. I plan to taper off other meds under doctor supervision but am currently considering when to schedule tapers since teaching and tapering may not mix. The Luvox taper was diifcult indeed but was not the beast it might have been had I moved too quickly. I have experienced a long road of meds, cessation of meds, and new meds followed by the old meds, and I have been in periodic therapy for many years. I am currently working with self-guided CBT and mindfulness. Several of the OCD symptoms have intensified, so I am willing to do the work. I am literally terrified of stoping the Xanax; my panic attacks were debilitating and drove me to telecommute for years. However, I want to leave anything close to a benzo behind me. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and for this forum.
  13. Hello. I always had general anxiety issued what are accompanied by obsessivee behaviours. I have usually have been okay to live with it and can function pretty well in society and with myself. Usually things get worst when i get stressfull times, sometimes near hellish. But I have always been able to handle myself. But aftera sever breakup **** thit the fan. I needed helped I was going trough hell for 3 months. Then I visited doctor who put me on 10mg lexapro and xanax first. xanax was for thee short relief and helped. But now I want to get of the SSRis fast as possible, because I am pretty sure I cand handle myself really well. First of all the libido issues. My personality as extrovert and social person is going away. it kind of depressesas. every day is exactly the same, blank. I dont have any stimulated creativity, I need it. So i have been on 10mg for 2 months the issues started like month ago. I did not have any comeup issues. So I would really like to know is cold turkying not so severe for me giving my time on the medication. I want to make this fast as possible. the whole pacage of withdrawl not picse by pice. Sorry for my bad english. hope you get my question
  14. MOD NOTE: contains content which may be triggering for some members Hi, I have been "stalking" this website for a while now, I saw a couple stories that were a lot like mine. I never knew how much harm these darn medications could do, moreover, I was so glad I found that I was not alone in this. I felt like crying tears of relief when I found this community. Im not sure where to start so I will just give a basic "run-down" of my history; I came from an abusive background. My father abused me when I was younger, and my neighbor "took advantage" of me when I was 8, repeatedly. Im thankful I am not in that situation anymore, but those experiences did leave me with some "battle scars." I was diagnosed in early 2014 as having OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder, PTSD, and ADD. I knew I had some things from childhood, like the OCD, Depression, Anxiety and of course the ADD (That one is a bit hard to miss) But I was so shocked to find what had happened to me did give me PTSD. It was such a shock. I was hospitalized in late 2014 for a suicide attempt and that was my first introduction into the Antidepressants. To be honest they never really helped me. I was put on Prozac, not sure the dose, but I quit cold turkey after 3 maybe 4 weeks on it now that I think back to it. No side effects. No nothing. Then I was prescribed with several things back to back, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Effexor, I would only take 1 or 2 pills before not taking them anymore as I just felt the medication just masked the problem without actually fixing it. The only one that really did help a bit was Effexor but I got so jittery it was ridiculous I stopped after 2 days of use. again, no side effects, I was blessed. I was given Xanax for my panic attacks, i took it sparingly. Then I was given medication for my ADD, I thought "why not" and gave it a try since I was having trouble focusing especially in the workplace. I was given focalin. It completely destroyed me. I had a OCD flare up like no other. I ended up hospitalized from early May to late July/ Early August. It was a nightmare even though it did make me perform better, it was OCD hell. I recovered in a few days and was put on Paxil. 40 mg. and Trazadone for sleep which was switched with another type of sleep medication. I would take a combination of Trazadone and a cocktail of other sleep medications on and off. The doctor never warned me of the side effects of these stupid medications. I started having Nervous sweats, shaking which I believe to be called "akathesia", hypersensitivity, more panic attacks, PTSD episodes, OCD episodes. and weird sensations in my private parts that from what I have been reading, is called "PGAD" , horrible insomnia, sensations that are not there, so severe somatization, tinnitus that comes and goes, depersonalization, less able to focus, and an increase in paranoia. I ended up worse than when I started with this mess.. I have been though enough. Since I have been stalking this website I have been following a few stories that were a lot like mine and trying to mimic them in their withdrawal. I went from 40mg of Paxil to 21 mg. Probably too fast. I have been following Hopefull, ASkyFullOfHappy, MamaP, Gentle Steps, Petunia, MollyN especially since some of their stories really mirror mine in one way or another. Im sorry for stalking ya'll, I am actually very embarrassed, but I was recently given the courage to make my own account since I feel like I still don't know what I am doing sometimes, and honestly my symptoms, although they have improved a slight bit, they are not where I need them to be. I hope with some guidance I can get on the right track here, and maybe help a couple people out as well.
  15. ChrisB

    ChrisB: Intro

    Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - ChrisB: New Here, starting tapering soon Hi, brand new and for the first time since deciding to taper off long term/low dose xanax, am not terrified as when reading posts on other forums - more heartfelt thanks for that than I can say. I'm 57, been on .25 xanax for 20+ years but typically only one daily. The past year I've apparently not been holding at that or the stress of returning to school full-time and becoming an empty nester/new house has done me in! Last 6 months or so, have had probably 20 days where I've taken a second pill. The past 25 years I've volunteered as a Search and Rescue K9 Handler, including leadership positions - rewarding but also stessful; I still dealt pretty darn well until, again, just recently. Found a pharmacy that will compound, scared but looking forward to finding me again.
  16. I've been on Pamelor (35mg/day) and Xanax (1.5 mg/day) for 18 months now. My psychiatrist released me to my PCP for care 6 months ago when he stopped accepting my insurance. I would like to start coming off both, but not at the same time. M y PCP and I decided to start with the Pamelor. It's difficult to reduce by just 10% each month since it comes in capsule form of 10 mg and 25 mg doses. I have just reduced the 30 mg/day and will stay on that for at least 2 months per PCP advice. I'd really like to hear how others were able to come off Pamelor considering the dosage restrictions. Thanks
  17. Hi, my name is Mindy and I'm new to this forum. I've been on 40 mg of Paroxetine (generic paxil) for approximately two years and Alprazolam (generic zanax) for over 20 years. I would like to wean myself off of the Alprazolam and paxil. I've ran out of my paroxetine before and omg the withdrawal symptoms after just one day are a nightmare. I hope to gain advice and support here. Thank you. Mindy (By the way I am a 45 year old female)
  18. Hi, My husband takes Mirtazapine 15mg every night, along with two psychotic drugs (Trifluoperazine & Olanzapine) for his agitation/yelling and Vortioxetine 10mg (every am) and recently Prozac 20mg. His problem was insomnia but after being put on benzos & antidepressants, it became more complex - one thing leads to another, and he has very bad daytime agitation/constant yelling, memory loss, confusion, low mood, unable to function etc... He has just started Prozac 20mg two weeks ago, to aid with tapering of Mirtazepine. His doctor agreed on 50% cut but he suffers bad withdrawal after 1 week. Previously, he was able to taper off 45mg Mirt to 30mg then to 15mg without much difficulty. So now he is on 25% cut on Mirt. Q: Is this too much considering that he is on Prozac which should help with the tapering as we understand. We are really tired of this journey as his problem was simply Insomnia and it became so much worse after he is put on these potent addictive drugs and we realised that we were trapped! Would really appreciate all your kind advice. Thank you so much!
  19. PLEASE NOTE: Member also has a Benzo topic here. ________________________________________________________________ This is a simplified list of this member's drug history: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/13732-maizenblue81-tapering-zoloft-during-severe-acute-xanax-wd/?do=findComment&comment=264799 ________________________________________________________________ I have now been off Xanax from a CT detox in the hospital for 2 1/2 months and having severe acute symptoms still from that that is a complete nightmare and has destroyed my life! Bad thing is I keep trying to tell the doctors I'm the hospital and my family that what I was going through was Xanax WD and they keep looking at me like I was crazy and blamed my symptoms on anxiety and OCD. So they put me on .5mg of resperdal and 75mg of Zoloft out of the hospital then at my one month checkup I got completely off the resperdal and they bumped me up to 100mg on the Zoloft which I have now been on 2 months. I don't think it's helping as nothing like I told them would help Xanax WD other than another benzo and now I'm stuck with the Zoloft! I want to get off but after 2 months I know I can't quit it Cold turkey so I looked it up online and it shows two ways to either cut down a dose or 25mg every 2-6 weeks or so and even slower taper of 12.5 % once a week too get off in 8 weeks and for me with how bad the Xanax symptoms still are I know slow is probably the best for me in this situation but I actually ran out of my 100mg tablets last night and I have enough of the 50mg tablets to start the taper tonight breaking two pills down to where it's only a 12.5% reduced dose. But I only have enough to do that for about 4 days then I'm out! The 100mg and 50mg tablets are different and I don't know how that's gonna screw me up cause when I get my refill it will be 100mg so I don't know? This is crazy my current symptoms are horrible intense head pressure burning and numbness in my head, confusion, dizziness, DP/DR and horrible evil intrusive thoughts are all the worst! Most of which I think is still acute Xanax WD but I want to get off the Zoloft as safely as possible! Help and advice please
  20. I'm 20 y/o, male, here's my story. Throughout my high school, i took sertraline, alprazolam, propranolol and others, never with any side effects, tho not on a regular use, only the sertraline was for 2 months and i didn't feel like it did any ****. Alprazolam was taken when needed, so was propranolol. I never stayed on a drug for years. My mom bought phenobarbital for herself, so she could deal with stressful events in our life. She was taking it when needed to sleep better. I asked her to give me too, she then game me drops of phenobarbital with water that equate to roughly 15 mg of phenobarbital. This was around September 6 to 8, don't remember the actual day. She didn't give me anymore, till September 14, when she offered to give me again. I took this along a valerian herb. The same 15 mg of phenobarbital. The next day, September 15, i noticed minor visual difficulty focusing on text and on September 16 i acknowledged that i see an increased visual snow in my vision, palinopsia, trails, more static. Just for you to understand, i took phenobarbital 2 times in total across a week and a half with the minimal dosage. I've had visual snow before, but after that night on September 14, i was perceiving way more static and visual disturbances that i never had before, and this is still here, October 2. Now, i'm asking, is this withdrawal and i should take it again on that small dose of 15 mg, or just leave it and hope it will go back to the state it was before? I know phenobarbital has a long half life, but it should've been gone from my system now. Please help.
  21. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse: Quick intro

    Hello all, Since ive been reading these forums ive come to the conclusion that my psychiatrists dont know jack about pills!! So a forum like this seems like my only option at the moment to really get reliable information, and im grateful that this platform exists. Ive been on mirtazapine 45mg for 1 year, and 15mg a year after that. And recently i wanted to quit, but that turned out to be freaking gnarly so i come here with questions that i will post in the tapering forum. Ive been reading up about psychiatric pills lately, and that combined with how my doc talks about tapering ( he recommended going from 15mg to 0mg in 2 weeks ) resulted in me just completely losing faith in pills and the so called professionals. ( 95% of them anyway ) Insomnia is the worst. The depressed feelings i feel i can handle a little bit, they are just really annoying but at the same time it makes me not care about anything when im depressed, including the fact that im actually depressed, if that makes sense. Ofcourse its crappy either way. Anyways, thats all for now, best of luck to all the fellow pill victims PS Ive read that the signature is important, do you put dates and stuff in there? Im not seeing any signatures from others?
  22. Hello, I was diagnosed with fibro in 1994. I was just diagnosed by a rheumatologist with CSS - central sensitivity syndrome. A central nervous system disease/disorder that makes people hypersensitive to almost everything. Here are two studies that might be of interest: Fibromyalgia and Overlapping Disorders: The Unifying Concept of Central Sensitivity Syndromes by Muhammad B Yunus, MD -also: clinical review and education- JAMA April 16, 2014 volume 311, number 15 - Fibromyalgia A Clinical Review by Daniel J Clauw, MD. These articles show how the central nervous system plays a huge role in why so many of us have fibromyalgia CFS/ME, MCS-Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, etc. This explains why I've had so much trouble with antidepressants, benzodiazepines, and withdrawals, along with so many other physical and emotional symptoms
  23. I was on Prozac and amitryptyline for 25 years the last three of those Xanax was apart for Fibromyalgia. A year and a half ago I was in such bad shape , thought I was dying. Mainly from Xanax interdose withdrawals. I started taper of Xanax but I checked myself into a rehab drug detox center as my doctor at the time wanted to add more drugs etc. the center stopped Xanax and Prozac cold turkey . They put me in neurontin to prevent seizure. Needless to say I was in worse shape. Horrific withdrawals. And sensory overload . A few months later I stopped amitryptyline. But couldn't cope. So I was put in lexapro. I was on that the whole time through withdrawals, paws, discontinuation syndrome. Due to side effects if lexapro I tapered off lexapro last February . Which was another horrific withdrawal. It's been 5 months now without any drug and I'm a mess. My brain is toast. I can't even type correctly half the time . I feel so physically sick, depressed, anxious etc. I can't do anything , can't read a book, which I always did, I am physically wasted. Can't do much of anything. I've lost friends , family, my life! I am a shell of who I used to be. Each day I wake up in panic, can't breath etc. will I ever get better, will I ever be normal or sane again, drs say I have to go back on the drugs. I fight it every day. But I'm so alone and afraid . The damage these drugs have done to me is horrific and no one, I mean no one helps me or understands. I feel crazy. I am so afraid of the future and just how much damage has been done to my brain and body physically and emotionally. I am 64. I'm not young any more. Will this horrific nightmare end?
  24. Good morning. I will start by saying that I am a healthy, sober, active woman in a happy supportive marriage and mom to 2 (mostly) wonderfuI teenage boys. Here's my story. I started taking Zoloft 17 years ago to help with postpartum depression and seasonal affect disorder that seemed to be worsening with age. I learned that I could get by with 100 mg in the summer and increase to 150 mg in the winter. A couple of years ago-during the summer- I noticed an increase in my depression. I was lacking joy, lacking motivation and energy, having difficulty focusing on tasks and was often weepy. I was intrigued by the commercials I saw for Abilify which promised to give me the boost I needed to get through the day. I tried talk therapy for a couple of months, but finding no relief, I asked to be prescribed Abilify. I experienced an immediate improvement in my mood and motivation. About a year in, I was discouraged by the inability to make it through the day without napping. Sometimes, I napped all afternoon. My Dr. prescribed Adderall to boost my mood and energy. The cocktail of Zoloft, Abilify and Adderall did seem to help for a while. The symptoms of lacking joy and motivation returned and I eventually concluded that the effect of the Zoloft had petered out. I came to believe over the years that I suffered from a chemical imbalance that would always need medication-it was the only logical explanation for depression considering my otherwise fulfilling life. So rather than increasing the Zoloft, I spoke with my Dr. about switching to a different antidepressant. I had come to believe that the Abilify really wasn't helping my symptoms and was perhaps contributing to the lack of motivation, so in an effort to wean from current medications in order to switch to a new one, Abilify was the first to go. I was running low on the prescription, so rather than refilling, I decided that I could taper with the remaining tablets since I was "only" on 5 mg. I don't know exactly how long that taper was-2 weeks or so. At first, there was no problem. Then about 3 weeks in, all hell broke loose with diarrhea, lack of appetite, crying jags and anxiety. Over the course of 3 weeks the only persistent symptom was debilitating anxiety. I tried eating better, exercising more, yoga, meditation, breathing, vitamin supplements to no avail. Although I suspected the anxiety was related to the Abilify discontinuation, my Dr. made no reference to this and seemed as mystified as me. After 2 months of trying holistic approaches, I conceded to trying new drugs. First she prescribed Gabapentin, 300 mg. With no improvement after 2 weeks, I discontinued. She then prescribed 75 mg of Welbutrin which I also discontinued after 2 weeks. She switched me to 30 mg of Adderall which seems to help boost my mood and energy without ironically, increasing my anxiety. Tired and depressed from the constant anxiety I was prescribed .5 mg of xanax 2 times per day. This does alleviate most of the anxiety. Curious about the root problem and concerned with taking Xanax, I started doing some research and eventually was directed to this site which affirms to me that I am suffering from prolonged discontinuation syndrome (4 months) resulting from my rapid discontinuation of Abilify. I am now more concerned than ever about using even a small amount of Xanax to calm my overactive nervous system, don't know if the Xanax may be prolonging the healing from the original Abilify discontinuation, wondering if reintroducing Abilify at a low dose and doing a 10% taper will work at this point and wondering how long this will last if I just suck it up and suffer the anxiety until it goes away. My ultimate goal was to stop taking everything so I could switch to a different antidepressant to deal with my "faulty chemistry". Now I don't know what to do and it is clear that my Dr. has no idea either.
  25. Hi all, I am posting on behalf of an elderly relative who is 88 years old. I do think that some medications are not suitable for her to be on, especially Alprazolam. What the general physician gave her after a bp spike recently is in the signature. Bp was then 180/100 4 days ago now is stable at 140/83. Waking pulse after 2 days was 60 after Alprazolam. I think the drugs are too sedating and bp could go lower if all doses are not adjusted. She is frail and I am concerned this might be too much for her system. Previously was only on current hyperglycaemia meds and Prazosin 10mg x3, Verapamil x3. We were going through a lot of stress at the time from a bad flu. Now after antibiotics it has cleared up, though she still recovering. Bp is checked 3 x times a day since high bp. I am not sure if the prescribing gp knows what they are doing, they are not qualified in Cardiology or seem to care much about the medications given. Since the worst symptom is bp I asked other relatives to get a second opinion sooner, but they are not convinced. I think the doses should be be lowered paying attention to side effects since there a few new ones prescribed. She has gone to the doc for a long while, I think it is better to switch to a qualified caring doctor who does not give too many meds and is available to communicate with other caregivers since current one does not do these things It is only now that we have begun to check side effects and some meds don’t seem to even treat her conditions at all only giving side effects. She has had high bp for years and probably should be on some but prescribed are not the safest ones, dosages too high, too many drug changes etc. according to research online. It might be tolerated in someone stronger, younger perhaps. People blame solely advanced age for her declining health, but before all these meds I have noticed she was healthier and physically active than she is now. I am concerned that the newest meds might make her feel even worse than she is at the moment if taken in this way. She has not had the care she deserves IMHO. Lesser symptoms are insomnia, dizziness which I’m guessing could have been side effects from Prazosin. All are prescribed for a month till next doc visit. Medicating side effects with more meds don’t make sense. We were going to do the 10% taper before this crises. We were also going to discontinue the said physician and find a better qualified doctor to treat her bp and was overprescribing innapropriately, but in the stress of flu they were not thinking clearly I guess, and rushed too soon forgetting what we agreed upon earlier. They could get better help, yet are not convinced from what online research I show them. Maybe later they will understand and she will get the support she needs. I researched the Beers list and resources for older adults and they do not recommend most of these drugs to be given including antihistamines, dizziness meds when symptom is improved, too many bp meds like Nifedipine which has more side effects than Verapamil which she seems to tolerate better. Is there anyway some of the unnecessary meds can be lowered starting with the benzodiazepine? I am concerned about anticholinergic symptoms and the consequences to her health by the overall drug burden at her age. I would be grateful for your advice. Thank you for reading. Take care.
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