How to self-soothe

[bluebalu86]

So I wanted to share this. When Alto told me I have to learn to self-soothe, I started thinking about it and this is what I came up with.

Sometimes when we are in distress, very little things that act directly on our SENSES bring comfort, no matter how small. Influencing the body directly and not on an intellectual level is very important. 

This is what I have found that helps a little.

 

TOUCH: Clothes made from very soft fabrics. I have a "comfort" hoodie made from a very soft fabric (don't really know the name of it) and I wear it when I feel stressed. In the future will look to buy more clothes like this. Soft socks help too. 

SMELL: Any perfume or scent that you like. Just spray away. Scented candles. Also pay attention to what you use to wash your clothes, because the scent stays on your clothes all day. 

SOUND: Comforting sounds. It can be music or nature sounds. Youtube is a great place to search for things you might enjoy. I like the sound of water (rivers, beach), birds, rain and night sounds. Also native american music I find very spiritual. 

SIGHT: It could be photos, paintings, pictures, anything. I personally like very much this painter, I'm thinking of finding ways to buy his art and put it in my room: http://thomaskinkade.com/I think he painted what heaven looks like I'm sure you can find others you enjoy.

TASTE: I haven't yet found any particular taste that soothes me, but I'm sure some people have something - either solid or liquid, which comforts them. Right now I can think of a brand of tea with chamomile, vanilla and honey that I like. 

 

So this is just my 2 cents. I know it seems fairly stupid to even talk about these things, because sometimes the suffering is so great that nothing helps, but I have come to realize we have to keep trying to find the littlest of things that help and use them as building blocks and tools to create a soothing environment for ourselves while we heal. 

[freespirit]

I don't find anything about this stupid Blue. These are all great ways to bring comfort when you most need it. I used to have a list of things like this in my journal and posted around my place. When in a bad place, it's good to remember that something has helped in the past...even if doesn't seem like it will right now.

 

I think of these things not just as ways to soothe while we heal, but as healing itself. As most of us have found, there is no single thing that works, or always works....but the 100 small things that Dalsaan talks about in my view, do work. My naturopath described it as "building a new self".

 

One of my friends told me the other day that she feels that the main reason we're here is to learn how to do self-care well...those things that start out as something to soothe, distract, or fill time can end up being the foundations of a new life..or at least, that's been the case for me.

[pocketnurse]

This is not to cause any offence to the gentlemen on this site and neither do I mean to suggest that the guys have any less problems in WD but I sometimes think as females we tend to put ourselves at the bottom end of the pile. As a mother I think we tend to fall right to the bottom! 

 

Some of us make the mistake of considering "self care" or "me" time as self indulgent which is totally wrong. It is the little things that can make the difference if only we can train our minds to allow that goodness or self soothing in. As said before it is so easy to get in to the negative mindset. We have to make the decision to notice the good things around us and make a mental note or even note it in a journel or diary just to prove to our doubting mind that it happened. I have been for a walk this evening after dinner. I am lucky that I live in a beautiful part of the UK surrounded by farmland and a river all in walking distance. I made a conscious decision to take note of the surroundings, the sounds and the smells. I was lucky this evening as the sun was shining despite rain all day, it was chilly but fresh and I could breath. I came across three beautiful swans and some totally crazy goats!  As I carried on walking the chill in the air for some reason bought back memories of my grandmother (no idea why) but it made me realise that there is peace and loveliness around us we just have to allow it in.

 

The senses are an amazing thing and can entice all sorts of memories, it has been said that smell in particular can remind us of things in our past. My grandmother used to wear Yardley face powder and smelling it now takes me back to when I was a little girl and I used to love sneaking in to the drawers of her dresser and playing with her make up.

 

We need to give ourselves permission to "self soothe" every day no matter how small it may be.

[brassmonkey]

These are three very excellent posts, ones that everyone should read and take to heart.  One thing that we should all do every day, no matter how badly we feel, is to post in our journals one moment, one thing, one thought that took us out of ourselves just briefly and made us smile.

 

There is a large water tank that I see on my drive in to work.  The trees around it have grown up to look like a couple of large dinosaurs having a tea party with the tank as the table.  It makes me smile every time I see it.

[dalsaan]

This is a great thread.  I am fond of the 100 little things idea and I think soothing through the senses is really important.   Soothing isn't just about confronting our thoughts and fears, it is soothing our nervous system and finding comfort and perhaps joy in small, perhaps mundane things.  I think that's what people with good mental health do, so on that basis its about developing good ways of being in the world.

 

Here are some things that I do and often need to spend more time doing:

 

Feeling the sun on my back;

cuddling my dog;

listening to songs I like;

getting massages;

laughing;

stretching;

eating nice/healthy food;

rolling on the floor with my friends baby;

looking at flowers

[Petunia]

I also think this is a great thread, thank you for starting it bluebalu. Reading through your list of 'very little things' reminded me of how it was only little things which helped when I was going through the worst of withdrawal. Anything beyond the smallest change in sensory input was too much for my over-sensitized nervous system.

 

Some of the little things which helped me to self-soothe when I was at my worst were:

 

On a cold day, making a warm drink and feeling the warmth of the cup in my hands.

The act of making the drink became like a little ritual, I would focus on each step and it would give me a sense of control and security in my ability to do something small for myself, when everything else was frightening and feeling completely chaotic.

Perfumes and even essential oils were too overwhelming, but the subtle fragrance of strawberry tea would occasionally make me smile.

I had to be careful with the smell of hand soap, it was too much for me, would bring on waves of nausea, but hours later, getting a very subtle reminder of it, still on my hands was pleasant.

Low level, warm lighting in my room was comforting (it still is)

Putting on a pair of warm, fluffy socks and when my feet were really cold (often), warming up a heating pad for them too.

Listening to audio books or talks/lectures/ASMR spoken by people with a voice I found calming.

Holding a tissue (kleenex) in my hand

Laying with my cheek pressed against my arm.

Feeling the bed sheet between my toes

 

When I went into withdrawal, most of the things I previously found relaxing, comforting or joyful, became too stimulating and would make me feel worse. Not everyone experiences this extreme sensitivity in withdrawal, but if you do, you may have to look to the very little things at first, until you move further along in your recovery process.

 

Some of the things I had to give up due to extreme sensitivity were warm baths, walking in nature, laying in the sun, massages, music, exercising. It was actually devastating to realize that things which previously had added enjoyment and richness to my life, were now causing me pain. I could no longer handle listening to the sounds of birds or the rain, or look at trees or beautiful scenery without getting surges of adrenaline and increased shaking.  But slowly I'm being able to incorporate some of these activities back into my life in small doses.

 

from:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9940-on-not-investing-in-drama-yours-or-other-peoples/?p=182264

I have a friend in San Francisco, a psychotherapist who specializes in treating panic and anxiety. (She is a very anxious person herself.) She's been doing this for many years. I asked her the most common problem she sees. She said "some people never learned how to self-soothe."

 

If you want to live without psychiatric drugs, you need to learn to manage your symptoms with non-drug methods. This is a necessity for anyone on this site. It means managing the self-destructive patterns that led you to psychiatric care as well as withdrawal symptoms. Even people who are suffering terribly can do this, I've seen it. It doesn't mean symptoms go away. It means your attitude towards them changes, you understand your situation, you do what needs to be done to take care of yourself as best you can.

[Altostrata]

These are great ideas, Blue. They are you taking care of yourself. Excellent!

[LoveandLight]

I absolutely love the paintings, Blu,

[mammaP]

This is a great topic. Before I came to SA I found it hard to self soothe, after all you can't think your way out of depression because it's an illness right? For years I was telling anyone with ears how ill I was and I can't pull myself out of it because it's a chemical imbalance. Actually that was probably right in a way because I was messed up by psych drugs. Then I learned about those drugs, their side effects, and withdrawal. Alto's change the channel topic really changed things for me and I learned that positive thoughts and meditating on good things really did help. Laid in bed unable to do anything I could look out of the window at the sky as long as it wasn't too bright. The clouds, the birds that flew across the window and the aeroplanes flying over. I could then imagine the passengers and wonder where they were going on holiday, which prompted memories of past holidays that made me smile. Often the negative thoughts would be there, like was there a terrorist on that plane? But I learned how to replace that those thoughts with the positive ones. My taste is elderflower juice, not too strong just enough to flavour the water. I have a soft throw that I wrap myself up in and feel how soft it is.  I also have fluffy socks like Petunia that I love, and videos of my grandchildren never fail to make me smile however bad I am feeling. 

 

The small things are the most important, and are cumulative, a few small things in a day can make a huge difference. 

[LoveandLight]

I hope I never take for granted again when recovered just being able to sit in peace

 

Yes..my soft fluffy throw, love it. In a bit of a window so lots to enjoy..even the little things..freshly washed clothes, my colouring books, the fresh air on my walk by the river, lovely cup of coffee.

 

Ha! Mammap, now we are telling everyone no, no the chemical imbalance did not exist! Except now from the psych drugs..

[SelmaLady]

I love this thread!  I found some things to do that I hadn't thot of before and a reprise for self-indulgent behavior which is always anthema to me. 

 

I love the ceiling fans in my house, just sitting and feeling the air go over me. 

 

I love my morning decaf coffee, the smell, the taste, the warm feeling of the cup. 

 

I have a stuffed bear that was given to me by my daughters when I was in the psych hospital and it is super fluffy and squishy and very comforting. 

 

My Standard Poodles are so comforting with soft curly hair and soulful eyes. 

 

I have a huge garden and even with my distorted vision, it never fails to give me pleasure---the centers of my Zinnias are especially wonderful to me--so intricately designed.  And the bumble bees on them with their yellow stripes and fuzzy bodies. 

 

Most all animals will make me smile and of course as with mamaP, videos of my grandchildren. 

 

I really enjoy British period movies/PBS series---they move slowly and deliberately and never frenetic or forced. 

 

Maybe not good for me, but I so enjoy and look forward to my 3 Hershey Kisses that I have every afternoon. 

 

And singing old hymns that remind me of where I am going...

[LoveandLight]

Selma whats PBS?

[freespirit]

For awhile, I was unable to use anything that was scented. Everything from shampoo to laundry soap had no smell. Essential oils and smells have always been comforting to me...but I found I was able to put a pot of water on simmer on the stove--with a couple of slices of lemon and half a cinnamon stick in it. I could get a hint of the smells, but wasn't overpowering and didn't trigger a histamine response.

 

On 1 of my worst days, I went back to bed in all my clothes, took 2 heated bags and a heating pad. The 2 cats snuggled beside me, and I let myself focus on the sounds of the rain, the softness of the kitty fur, and the warmth around me..though I was still freezing inside and felt incredibly ill. It was actually a very beautiful memory.

 

Anything warm and snuggly was often a good thing for me--cats, teddy bear, fluffy blankets and socks, warm baths, and sitting by the pellet stove.

 

I listened to a lot of meditation tapes, watched tv in bed, drank hot tea...looked out the window at the trees, sky, birds.

 

For myself, I see these things not just as ways to soothe. When done with intention and presence, it's a way to practice self-compassion, to remind myself that I'm worthy of being treated well. A way of filling a once empty bucket.

 

One more thing, that my meditation teacher recommended. Place a hand over my heart gently..as a physical reminder of sending compassion.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Forum Members,

 

Some great ideas here.  And having a list is good.  When I am not coping I need to have something to check in with.

 

When I'm feeling very low, I find cuddling up with one of my teddy bears is comforting (I'm in my 50's) and my daughter in her late 20's has a white bear (with a dress on) that she does the same thing with.  I feel a (little) bit silly, but I've told myself that it's okay and if it helps, well what's the problem.

[ChessieCat]

Hi All,

 

Decided to do a search on self soothing and found this which I thought may be helpful:

 

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

 

CC

[AppleOfSodom]

Drowning my face in my cat's fur and sniffing it is very soothing. For me it's like smelling a baby (well, he is one).

[HopeforBetter1110]

I'm not really sure where to best share this link.

 

I am so wrapped up in self-hatred and am finding myself unable to let go of my past, especially with the waves of bad memories flooding back as constant reminders of the horrible things I've done. A friend shared this video with me about self-compassion and how to work on letting go and forgiving ourselves. I hope this video can help others who feel like they're also trapped in self-hatred and self-criticism.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfUE41-JFw

[Junglechicken]

Hugging the soft toy seal I have had since I was a child and my hubby. Going for walks in the beautiful UK countryside.

 

Going through a very fearful time right now, a lot to do (big stuff) and we are not registered with a doctor yet which is scary for me.

 

The worst case scenarios have been going through my head.........

 

Trying to keep myself together when in pain.

[grandmaD]

Very interesting topic.  I am going to think more about how to do this.  I guess the one thing that comes to mind is that when I am stressed, in pain, feel crap, etc. I put the kettle on and make a cuppa.  I have a very beautiful old china tea-pot with pretty flowers on it and even that I enjoy!  My china cup has soft green and white roses on it which is soothing in a way!  It is a time I just 'SIT FOR A BIT".