Rain: dropped dose of lexapro

[Rain]

Well, after a 6 month hold I finally started to feel some solid improvement.  Still holding now at 7 months, just letting it really consolidate, and also bumping up my supplements to higher doses (I got a bit complacent, didn't take them past the minimum doses).  Sleep has improved hugely since taking MSM, and energy has improved after taking iron supplements. 

 

Thanks for asking Rain.  Good luck getting through this wave.

Wow! I am so happy to hear you have such a big improvement!!! Good on you!

 

I will keep taking care of myself, by the end of this year I wish I can start taking some supplements. 

 

I will keep updating!

[Rain]

Updates, I need help! 

 

About 1.5 weeks ago, 24th Aug, I started having big big angry moods due to I have received a parking fine in front of my home. Then I shouted, argued with my Mum and friend. I noticed this was bad enough but I couldn't control this. 

 

The day after next day, I started feeling big guilty, regret what I have done to my Mum and crying myself. Then after that I felt guilty, bit crying feeling everyday. Then I noticed also got very intense anxiety OCD thoughts and very very sensitive to any emotional things. I was thinking about I will get big depression or bi-polar, because someone told me if I angry like that, this is kinda bi-polar. 

 

Recent couple days, my symptoms were getting worse: bruised feeling in the chest, tummy, feet!!! And felt very weak! Still very sensitive to anything happened. The digestiion was poor and lots of acid produced since three days ago. 

 

Last night, I was lying on the bed, stomach was awful and heart palp was fast. Then suddenly a thought break through my mind: you have no hope to heal, this is not withdrawal and now you started depression, go to die.

 

I was really really scared about that thought and think think over again and again! That made me extremely anxiety, fear and scared. I really believe my situation is getting worse and maybe horrible things will come in the future. 

 

Can anyone tell me what's going on? What is my symptom now? Is this depression? My drop dose of Lexapro has been 10 month now, I saw lots of improvement before all these happening, but why this time worse than the first time I started WD?

 

Thanks for anyone can help me! 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Rain,

 

The fact that other members have similar issues with anger, guilt etc, seems to indicate that this is a withdrawal symptom.  Here are some of SA's links:

 

Neuro Emotions

 

Shame, Guilt, Regret and Self-Criticism

 

 

Coping with with irritability, anger and rage

[Rain]

Hi Rain,

 

The fact that other members have similar issues with anger, guilt etc, seems to indicate that this is a withdrawal symptom.  Here are some of SA's links:

 

Neuro Emotions

 

Shame, Guilt, Regret and Self-Criticism

 

 

Coping with with irritability, anger and rage

Hi, Thanks Chessie cat for your fast reply. 

 

That looks a very good explanation, but why I suddenly came out thoughts like "dying or go to die?" I really scared about these! I can't tell what's this. 

[ChessieCat]

You're welcome.

 

Here's another link: Intrusive thoughts and increased panic?

[Rain]

You're welcome.

 

Here's another link: Intrusive thoughts and increased panic?

Oh wow!!! You are a big helper! Many many thanks I go read this first. 

[Rain]

About 1.5 weeks ago, 24th Aug, I started having big big angry moods due to I have received a parking fine in front of my home. Then I shouted, argued with my Mum and friend. I noticed this was bad enough but I couldn't control this. 

 

The day after next day, I started feeling big guilty, regret what I have done to my Mum and crying myself. Then after that I felt guilty, bit crying feeling everyday. Then I noticed also got very intense anxiety OCD thoughts and very very sensitive to any emotional things. I was thinking about I will get big depression or bi-polar, because someone told me if I angry like that, this is kinda bi-polar. 

 

Recent couple days, my symptoms were getting worse: bruised feeling in the chest, tummy, feet!!! And felt very weak! Still very sensitive to anything happened. The digestiion was poor and lots of acid produced since three days ago. 

 

Last night, I was lying on the bed, stomach was awful and heart palp was fast. Then suddenly a thought break through my mind: you have no hope to heal, this is not withdrawal and now you started depression, go to die.

 

I was really really scared about that thought and think think over again and again! That made me extremely anxiety, fear and scared. I really believe my situation is getting worse and maybe horrible things will come in the future. 

 

Can anyone tell me what's going on? What is my symptom now? Is this depression? My drop dose of Lexapro has been 10 month now, I saw lots of improvement before all these happening, but why this time worse than the first time I started WD? Before WD I don't even felt life is not interesting anymore to me. 

 

I think here is the right place to ask what's going on with me, intrusive thoughts? or depression? 

Edited September 10, 2016 by JanCarol
moved from symptoms topic - Tone down intrusive text

[Rain]

You're welcome.

 

Here's another link: Intrusive thoughts and increased panic?

Thanks Chessie Cat, this topic is very similar to my symptoms! I guess I am experiencing a very bad wave at the moment. 

[scallywag]

Rain - I've moved your post from the thread on intrusive thoughts to your introduction and update topic because your question is about your situation. It's now post # 187, 2 above this one.

 

As you read, intrusive thoughts ARE a symptom of withdrawal. Some symptoms show up right away and eventually disappear. Some appear later in your recovery. They too will eventually disappear. Your CNS (central nervous system) is still repairing itself and restoring everything to a drug-free state. It takes time to make those changes and doesn't happen on the schedule that most of us would like.

 

Delayed onset of withdrawal symptoms

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

Brain remodeling - your CNS as it recovers

[Rain]

Rain - I've moved your post from the thread on intrusive thoughts to your introduction and update topic because your question is about your situation. It's now post # 187, 2 above this one.

 

As you read, intrusive thoughts ARE a symptom of withdrawal. Some symptoms show up right away and eventually disappear. Some appear later in your recovery. They too will eventually disappear. Your CNS (central nervous system) is still repairing itself and restoring everything to a drug-free state. It takes time to make those changes and doesn't happen on the schedule that most of us would like.

 

Delayed onset of withdrawal symptoms

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

Brain remodeling - your CNS as it recovers

 

Many thanks scallywag, I also experienced very intense weird symptoms that I have never experienced these days! 

 

These symptoms are very hard to decribe, but very very uncomfortable! Firstly, I started very intense anxiety and OCD thoughts. Then my body symptoms are weird to decribe, it's whole body feeling, around my chest, my tummy, feet, it's a kind of bruised, nervous feelings made me upset, and also the head and neck are very tight and nervous too, sometimes some cold flow feeling through the neck! Stomach was full of acid, too. Especially at night time lying on the bed, they all comes up into intense form, my heart palps extremely fast! Last night these feelings made me wanna end my life to stop all of these!!! It was so scary and horrible experience! Can any one tell me what is this possibly be? It is my worst time in my life! 

[JanCarol]

Hey Rain - I'm sorry you are struggling.

 

Neuro-emotions are so difficult, because they seem so real.  There is just enough truth - a speck of sand - inside the whirlwind storm of emotions, that the whole experience seems hyper-real.  

 

So what to do about it?  It's a tangle of thoughts and emotions, and it helps to untangle the thought from the emotion.  

 

You can distract, by taking a walk,  color in a coloring book, listen to music, call a friend, play a stupid game on facebook, watch children's TV shows.

 

You can make fun of the thought (I just learned this one today, from ACT).  Here's how they did it in Harry Potter:

Harry Potter - Ridiculus spell for Boggart

 

Another suggestion I've heard is to take the happy birthday song, (or a silly children's song) and sing your thoughts to that song over and over until the thought is burned out, and you are detached from the emotion in the thought.  

 

Then, you can say, "It's just a thought." Accept the thought - that's what your brain is designed to do - make thoughts.  "It's just my brain making another thought." 

 

You can go into mindfulness.  Find a furry soft toy, and stroke it against your face, feel soothed by the simplicity of that.  Drink a warm cup of herb tea, feel the warmth and flavour of the liquid.  This is where I like colouring - putting colours on the page is so pleasureable to me.  Follow your mindfulness into pleasure.

 

Breathe, and know that you are alive, and breathing.  All you ever really need to do is breathe.  Sometimes ten breaths is all it takes to bring you back to yourself.

 

Jon Kabat-Zinn writes:

"The fact that you are breathing means there is more right with you than wrong with you in this moment."

 

 

We all need a regular, daily practice.  Something we can go to, fall back on, that supports us.  Sometimes it's the blindfold in the dark quiet room. Maybe it is a favorite song like Pharrell Williams, "Happy."   Sometimes it is yoga or tai chi.  

 

Turn off your fight or flight reactions with this yoga pose - less than 5 minutes (but you can stay longer):

Legs on the wall - shorter, no blanket

 

Or here is 7 minutes of magic of Chi Gung (you can find hours and hours of Chi Gung on YouTube, and it will heal your body!)

Qi Gong: 7 Minutes of Magic for Health

 

Sometimes it is breathing, sitting still. Many people here like guided meditations on YouTube.   I like to take walks in the sunlight, it is really helpful for setting my mood straight.

 

Now here's the thing:  these practices cannot fix withdrawal symptoms.  The symptoms are chemical, and often too extreme for one session of yoga or mindfulness to fix.  

 

But the more you have a regular practice, the stronger your "bank" of fortitude and adaptability.  Then you have something to draw  on - a comfortable place to go when you are uncomfortable, and it is easier to live through the symptoms.  Additionally, they improve your stress response, so that you are less likely to fire your nerves to begin with.

 

Then, when you do your 7 minutes of Tai Chi, you can feel the shift, because the practice is familiar, and pleasurable, and you feel the goodness of the practice help with your symptoms.  The symptoms don't go away, but your relationship to the symptoms shifts.

 

If you push on the symptoms, they often get worse.  But if you wait, they will pass.  These are some suggestions to help you get through it.

[Rain]

Thank you so much JanCarol! I really appreciated you can help me in my hardest time.

 

For this time/wave, it is huge difference between the waves before, the body symptoms are so intense and weird and i was so scared about these feelings! But could not state what's the name of these symptoms, so I get worried and depressed a lot!

[JanCarol]

Hey Rain - body and emotional symptoms are common in withdrawal!

 

Here's a list of common symptoms experienced in withdrawal: 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's Most Common symptoms of Withdrawal

 

You can check your symptoms against this list, and reassure yourself:  it's only withdrawal.  It's only symptoms.

 

Additionally, you can use this list to track your changing symptoms - often, in withdrawal, just when you get used to a symptom, it changes into something else!  Withdrawal is a surprise package that keeps on giving, long after the holiday is over.

 

There's another way you can be tricked, too - you might have some good times - we call them "windows," when you think:  this is it, I'm better now!  Only to be hit with another set of dastardly symptoms afterwards.  It's a cruel joke, but recovery happens in Waves and Windows .  Again, if you get blindsided by new or strange symptoms, check them against the list, and remind yourself - it's only withdrawal (not a relapse, like your doctor might claim).

 

Healing from Antidepressants: Patterns of Recovery (Toxic Antidepressants)

[Rain]

Hey Rain - body and emotional symptoms are common in withdrawal!

 

Here's a list of common symptoms experienced in withdrawal: 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's Most Common symptoms of Withdrawal

 

You can check your symptoms against this list, and reassure yourself:  it's only withdrawal.  It's only symptoms.

 

Additionally, you can use this list to track your changing symptoms - often, in withdrawal, just when you get used to a symptom, it changes into something else!  Withdrawal is a surprise package that keeps on giving, long after the holiday is over.

 

There's another way you can be tricked, too - you might have some good times - we call them "windows," when you think:  this is it, I'm better now!  Only to be hit with another set of dastardly symptoms afterwards.  It's a cruel joke, but recovery happens in Waves and Windows .  Again, if you get blindsided by new or strange symptoms, check them against the list, and remind yourself - it's only withdrawal (not a relapse, like your doctor might claim).

 

Healing from Antidepressants: Patterns of Recovery (Toxic Antidepressants)

Thank you so much JanCarol, I have read all the articles that you gave to me, they are so helpful! 

 

Especially the harry potter one, so funny! haha! And I sang lot of children's song today! I am the guy who likes to make joke and let my friends happy,recently I lost these, but I wish I will be back soon! 

 

You helped me a lot JanCarol, I will keep updating, hope I can pass this wave soon! 

[Rain]

*post moved from success stories forum

 

I have dropped lexapro from 20mg-10mg 10 months ago, was awful, but I found I was improving a lot! However, 10 months later, now, I am hit by a big big wave, lots of new scary symptoms comes out such as depression ( I never expererienced depression before) the most scary horrible intrsusive thought is: suicidal! I never think about that before, even life is not worth, but this time, my mind just jumped to the suicide straight away, that made me fear and panic, I think this thought is just a imagine, I still don't have any urge to do that, it just came up the word! I haven't heard people is getting worse after 10 months, now it has been 17 days since this wave, still up and down, not going away...

Edited September 19, 2016 by Petunia
added note

[JanCarol]

Hey Rain - I just finished reading your thread, and your parking ticket event is classic.

 

You had a stress (an unjust parking ticket) - you exploded in rage - your body flooded with rage chemicals - and then performed regrettable behaviours, and after the rage chemicals came through, you were flooded with regret chemicals and rumination.

 

This combination of regret and rumination caused you to go places - and it affected your body too (feelings of being bruised, weak, tired)

 

So think of it as a neuro-chemical explosion, and all the other stuff is fallout.

 

The rumination is probably the key turning point for you.

 

Rumination used to be a part of our survival, when we were living rough - how to protect the children from the bear, where to hunt next, what techniques for hunting work better, was that root really good to eat? - and many other survival items that we would ruminate on, after the sun went down, and talk about with our family or tribe.  It was a key part of learning and surviving.

 

The problem now, is that these survivals are now handled by modern society (when was the last time a bear was seen in your neighborhood?).  But our brains are thinking machines, it's what they do.  

 

So instead, the brain has other things to focus on:  should I have said that?  what did she mean?  I definitely shouldn't have done that!  Maybe I could've done better?  What if I'd said this instead?   These problems are unsolveable!

 

Then, the judgements come in (because the brain is a thinking machine, and you've exhausted all the scenarios, and your emotions are engaged, so you start to judge:  I am such a failure!  All I do is hurt people!  I am a burden to those around me, I am useless!

 

The first step is to disengage the emotions; as you found, the silly children's song is useful for that!

Then - learn to observe the thoughts, back away from judging them.  They are only thoughts, it is only your brain doing what it was born to do.  

 

The images I have used for thoughts are train cars, rattling by on a track.  You can jump on any one of them and go for a journey - but the goal is to let them go by - they are just thoughts on a track.  Let them go by.  As soon as that thought goes by, then another will take it's place.  Your brain is doing it's job.  You can even use the rhythm of the train tracks to tell yourself:  thinking, thinking, thinking.

 

The best way to separate yourself from thinking is to pay attention to your breathing.  When you focus only on your breathing, that connection between your body and the rest of the world - air - inhale, exhale, breathing - then you notice that the thinking is not so important.

 

Another image I have used is clouds.  You can't control thoughts, anymore than you can control clouds.  They come and go as they will, doing what they do.  (The Sound of Music has a line:  "How do you catch a cloud, and pin it down?")

 

The difference between me and a zen master, is that the zen master still thinks, but he has run so many thoughts down that track that his thoughts are more efficient.  He has traced the thought generating mechanism to its source in the brain, and manages to pay attention only to the thoughts which are useful.

 

He still has clouds in his skies, but they are clearer, brighter, and more likely to be productive.

 

Okay, have I mixed my metaphors enough for you?  

 

I hope this helps you unthink your way through the next crisis.  It's bound to come, stress is a part of living.  It's what we do after the huge chemical firing that will help you in future. 

 

Maybe you cannot contain the chemical rage.  It was justified, if extreme.  But maybe, you can go - oh!  I've just had a huge stress flood my body (if you tune in, you can actually feel the flood of stress chemicals) - maybe I should take a walk or epsom salt bath and calm down.

 

I actually keep a bucket filled with mag salts for a "quick chill"  The water cools down to room temp, so it's a cool plunge (probably not good in winter) - but - just putting my feet in the bucket for 3 minutes can be grounding and adjust my attitude:

 

I hope you see the sun today!

[Rain]

Wow thank you so much JanCarol! I feel so thankful to you that you found my problems and I should do at the moment. 

 

I have read your all post over and over, that helped me a lot! I stopped my irrational thoughts by focusing on breath, I feel much better for today, I looked back, I found I have been involved in that intense neuro-emotion storm for quite long time, (17 days)... Rage was new to me, as well, I am always a calm, peaceful, funny boy among my family and friends. That's why my mum got surprised and I did hurt her a lot. I said sorry to her the next day.  I understand when it comes, it is hard to deal, but if I make more thoughts and emotions of my own, the situation will get worse and even can't crawl out! 

 

So you helped me preventing from dropping into the storm deeper! I tried to call my mum and my friend today, talked a lot, feel thankful to them that they understand me and support me. 

 

I also put a basin of hot water, soaked my feet, too! It is comfortable! My whole body feel warm now! 

 

Thank you again JanCarol! Hope I will get better and out of this wave, soon! I will keep updating.

[bubble]

Hello Rain,

 

I also liked what JanCarol posted for you and shared it with some other members

 

I'm also a 'Lexapro person' so I will be following your progress. We will beat this.

 

I have a mindfulness meditation with lots of free content calm.com. I like it because you can gradually increase the practice time. There is a 3 min guided body scan, then 5, 10 etc. It really helps me to change the channel and ground myself and even feel rested. I like this red bucket too

[Rain]

Hello Rain,

 

I also liked what JanCarol posted for you and shared it with some other members

 

I'm also a 'Lexapro person' so I will be following your progress. We will beat this.

 

I have a mindfulness meditation with lots of free content calm.com. I like it because you can gradually increase the practice time. There is a 3 min guided body scan, then 5, 10 etc. It really helps me to change the channel and ground myself and even feel rested. I like this red bucket too

Thanks Bubble! I still have confidence to beat it! I still believe all of this is chemical induced and they are not my original symptoms, my original symptoms seems to a baby compare with symptoms now! 

 

Let's keep hope and see what will happen next. I had mindfulness breath a lot last night and it really helps! Today, I feel a lot better (still lots of anxiety and intrusive thoughts). 

 

I got a lovely green basin... 

[Rain]

A new update for today:

 

Last night when I was lying on the bed, I experienced my leg feelings I have never exeprienced before in my life time! 

 

My two legs felt weird feelings but couldn't name it but it came from inner nerves for sure and it was horrible experience. I asked Mort first, he said it is called "restless'. I totally agreed this description! So I linked to Akathisia symptoms, mine one sounds same as that! What a terrible experience! So together with that feeling, I also started bad anxiety, fear and depressed mood. The leg musle also twitching badly. My whole inner body just feel uncomfortable but can't tell what's that feeling either... 

 

This morning, leg feelings and intense anxiety feeling persist, I can't even drive the car, the feeling of control my brake and throttle were torture. I tried my best to do mindfulness, it helped, but the feet feeling still intense. 

 

So I have also linked with the wave I am having now, it's so different from before and so long and severe. Rage, regret, depressed and scary suicidal thoughts were all new came out! 

 

My question is, is this Akathisia? Or Agitation? Or WD wave? Or something else? I am so new to these symptoms and looking for some experienced advice.

 

Thanks again!

[scallywag]

Rain, I find it's best to use my own words to describe my symptoms rather than go with a medical name and classification such as akathisia.  The only time a name has been helpful has been finding discussions about what might help ease the discomfort, pain or distress.

 

The "waves and windows" concept applies to all symptoms - cognitive, emotional, physical, neurological. The duration of the wave is decided by your CNS (central nervous system).

[Rain]

Rain, I find it's best to use my own words to describe my symptoms rather than go with a medical name and classification such as akathisia.  The only time a name has been helpful has been finding discussions about what might help ease the discomfort, pain or distress.

 

The "waves and windows" concept applies to all symptoms - cognitive, emotional, physical, neurological. The duration of the wave is decided by your CNS (central nervous system).

Thanks Scallywag, this wave is my longest and worst ever since 10 months of WD. The most scary and horrible thing is new symptoms that I have never experienced in my life! I really hope this will pass and not my own original new start symptoms... 

[Rain]

I tried My mindfulness tools, I stopped all supplements recently. Now trying to learn more about CBT method to stop my worrying thoughts. 

[scallywag]

Lots of people have found Claire Weekes ideas helpful: The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

[Rain]

Lots of people have found Claire Weekes ideas helpful: The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

OK, thanks scallywag, I will read that! 

[JanCarol]

Hey Rain - it sounds like you are getting through this, even though it is uncomfortable.

 

Do you have any opportunity to get out in nature?  Just seeing green, plants, flowers, trees, and hearing birdsong can improve your well-being.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201608/nature-therapy  

 

It's good for akathisia, too.

 

Check here for other Non Drug Techniques for Coping with Emotional Symptoms

 

I think (using my crystal ball here, because I don't really know you) that you would benefit from walk-breathing.  You can just do this around the house, but it's better to do it outside.

 

Walk slowly.  Inhale for a step, exhale for 2 steps.  Feel your breath from your belly all the way up to your sternum.  Breathe out your back, as well as your belly.  Inhale for a step, exhale for 2 steps.  When this becomes easy, you can try to inhale for 2 steps, exhale for 4 steps.

 

When I did a Zen Mindfulness retreat, we had to inhale and exhale - slowly - with each step.  But in withdrawal, with restlessness, that might be too slow.  

 

Please let go of the calendar - "it's been X months," because your body will take as long to heal - as it will.  It will take exactly that long, and I don't know, you don't know, not even your body will know how long it needs.  

 

Here, too, is my Roadworks description of why the symptoms change, and why it takes so long:

 

 

 

 

I really like Bubble's phrase:  "Brain is closed down for repairs."  I'd like to expand on that a bit - parts of your brain and nervous system are closed down.  Imagine very complicated road works with about 25 intersections coming together.  This week, the traffic lights are shut down, and you need a cop to manage the intersection.  When that is repaired, well, maybe they need to re-do the shoulders, so they can divert traffic onto them for later when the lanes are being repaired.  Then there's the repairing of the lanes - it doesn't all happen at once.  Sometimes they need to rip up the old tarmac, change all the drainage routes, relocate the services for electricity and plumbing, get down to the foundation, and re-grade it, lay new gravel, then steel rebar, pouring concrete foundation, then laying the asphalt.  Sometimes you will go for 5 months, and the road is still closed, but you can't see what they are doing to it!  Each phase requires time to set and dry.  Then you can paint the lines on it, and go to another part of the intersection - perhaps one of the other incoming roads needs the same treatment.  Perhaps there are exit ramps and roundabouts and flyover lanes that need repair.  Each of which takes time.

 

Now imagine the millions of networks in your brain healing - they don't just, "heal" and be done.  It's a construction process, like Bubble was saying.  Road works for the brain. 

 

Just my way of saying, be patient with yourself.  It might be the tarmac this week - but the lines aren't on the road and you're disoriented.  Maybe the signals are crossed at the intersections, or the signs are removed or there are detours.  Be gentle with yourself, be patient with yourself.  It's a complex process, and the gentler you are, the more easily you will heal.  It does no good to shake your fist and yell at the construction guys while they are doing their work!  So just wave (lol, wave!) at the worker, declare to yourself, "This is yet another symptom of withdrawal," and drive carefully past the obstacle.

 

 

I hope you see the sun today!

[JanCarol]

How are you today, Rain?

[Rain]

How are you today, Rain?

Hi JanCarol, Many thanks! I am having a better day today, which I think is a miracle happened! 

 

Last night, I did long time mindfulness and pray for the god. 

 

Today, I can went out to work with just a little anxiety feelings that I can totally manage it, but no any restless or strange inner uncomfortable sensations. 

 

Overall, today I am happy! 

 

Thank you JanCarol! I will keep updating! 

[Rain]

Update:

 

Last night I was insomnia, so I get up straight away this morning, and went sleep in the afternoon... 

 

I did mindfulness and walking around, they really helped me a lot! Inner Reslessness didn't come out, but anxiety still there but not too intense, so it's ok. But I started to pick lots of memories back to my child times, (early times memories) that is so weird! Most of them were normal memories but some were bit bad memories. This is the New symptom to me! 

 

I hope everything can pass soon! 

[AliG]

Rain.  Things will probably continue to be a bit " Off "  for a while . This is " normal ".  Can you possibly update your signature ?

[Rain]

Rain.  Things will probably continue to be a bit " Off "  for a while . This is " normal ".  Can you possibly update your signature ?

Hi AliG, thanks for your reply! 

 

I think so, too. A lot of new symptoms happening and in their intense form, I have to be patient, try distract.  

 

It's been 24 days now.

[Rain]

Some updates:

 

I am still in very bad cycling but I am keep doing the things I gonna do, take a walk, working, driving Uber, chatting with friends, etc... 

 

But the inner anxiety, fear, restless (mixed state and in a mess) still overwhelming... 

 

I heard someone saying once I get akathisia or restless, the only way out is taper? So I am still on 10mg of Lexapro, is that means I should do taper and should I wait for it's stabilized? 

 

It has been 28 days since this wave starts, it seems it's getting worse and cycling...

[AliG]

Rain . As you are still having fairly extreme symptoms you should HOLD.  All of your symptoms are withdrawal. They are awful but bearable if you know what they are.  At least you didn't C/T. That will help in the long run.

   

Waves can hit anytime but if you know what's happening and can wrap your brain around it you should be good. Much patience and acceptance is needed. If you can look at the big picture of healing it will serve you well.

 

The restless feeling can come at anytime and doesn't necessarily mean akathisia. I had it too and I C/T'ed. It was gone in a few months. I occasionally get it even now but it's short and sweet. I never labelled it. You shouldn't either. 

It is what it is. The body adapting to and recovering from the stress of medication. The brain adapting to less of the drug.

It takes a while , but it gets better. Hang in there. Be patient.

Ali

[Rain]

Rain . As you are still having fairly extreme symptoms you should HOLD.  All of your symptoms are withdrawal. They are awful but bearable if you know what they are.  At least you didn't C/T. That will help in the long run.

   

Waves can hit anytime but if you know what's happening and can wrap your brain around it you should be good. Much patience and acceptance is needed. If you can look at the big picture of healing it will serve you well.

 

The restless feeling can come at anytime and doesn't necessarily mean akathisia. I had it too and I C/T'ed. It was gone in a few months. I occasionally get it even now but it's short and sweet. I never labelled it. You shouldn't either. 

It is what it is. The body adapting to and recovering from the stress of medication. The brain adapting to less of the drug.

It takes a while , but it gets better. Hang in there. Be patient.

Ali

Hi Ali, many thanks for your suggestions! Your words are so important to me, they give me the courage to keep going my path of w/d. 

 

I will update if I have any news. 

 

Thanks again! 

[Rain]

Some updates:

I still feeling bad anxiety depressed and akathisia feeling with no big changes only about 1 day of ok day. It has been 2 months now, it is really hard this time. My hands and feet are twitching and numb everyday for 2-3 hours. My head was big tension which I never experienced before... Also stomach is awful too!

 

I can't take any supplements now, they all stimulate me.

 

I also found usually after taking Lexapro for 4-4.5 hours all symptoms started to get worse. Or after meals, symptoms started to get worse too.

[LexAnger]

Hi Rain,

 

I just read a few your initial posts, somehow I feel part, if not the most problems are still from the drug reaction to the 20 mg lex. I saw Alto also suggested it in your early posts, I wonder why you didn't try to taper down dosage. I don't have time to rad all your posts so if this has been discussed then forgive me bringing it up again.

 

I had a similar experience getting severe reaction from one day increased dose ( from 3.2 to 4.2mg) and have been suffering the bad symptoms of drug reaction ever since. Each time I make a cut, they subside, then flare back until another cut.

 

Have the new symptoms since 20mg lessened or worsened over the past months? I read some subsided since you got back down to 10mg, I am asking for changes since then.