Webhead21: depressed symptom of a knot in head

[Webhead21]

I've been larking for a year now, but I have a question of something that has been happening to be. So, ive been depressed from all the symtom that ive experience of the last 1 year and 3 months and in a way sort of thoating off a part of my brain. There has been a pressure in my head whenever I get depressed for long periods of time due to a stagnant life style, like a knot in my head. Today, although, that knot has been popped in a way, feeling injured in a way. This in something thing indirectly affected by that withdrawal experience I believe. I really look to get to the bottom of it. I think its a part of my brain that helps with creative thinking.

[ChessieCat]

Hi WH

 

I've moved your new topic to create your own Intro/Update topic.

 

It will be helpful if you would Please put your Withdrawal History in Signature.  Please include details for the last 12-18 months of  all drugs, dates, doses and discontinuations & reinstatements.  If you can't remember dates, please write it as "early March" or "mid-August".  Please provide a summary of any drugs prior to that which can just be listed with start and stop years. Please include all prescription, non-prescription drugs and supplements you are currently taking. If you are using a phone there are instructions in Posts 9 & 10.

 

Providing additional information will allow members and mods to offer suggestions.

[ChessieCat]

 

To search the site I use google and type in survivingantidepressants.org + topic. In this instance I typed in head and found these:

 

migraines-headaches-neck-ache-and-head-pressure

 

head-noise-and-other-symptoms-in-the-head

 

exploding-head-syndrome-or-ssri-withdrawal

[Webhead21]

It’s getting real bad I really need help because with the constant stress I deal with on a minute to minute bases im getting far worse than what i thought.  Its like i feel my brain becoming damaged with all of the stress sensations of stinging that arise with higher stress levels my memory getting worse.  Also, cognitive function of getting worse and with all of this thinking about getting worse that in of itself is making me worse.  I know feel brain zap which i never felt.  I also have 2 pill of lexapro but have all of the symptoms of someone with years of taking them and it just the worse thing I have ever experienced and im scared.  I would be my old self but i know that I just might have only part of it back and that just Sucks! I need some support im going insane...

[Webhead21]

Titled: Adverse reaction, multipills, lost

 

I've taken a total of 7 pill of modafinil in a span of 3 months and ended up with withdrawal symptoms. On oct. 9th and 10th of 2015, i've taken the modafinil pills back to back, one of which with alcohol, leading to a horrific withdrawal symptoms similar to antidepressant. The only place were I found information about it is here https://www.alternativetomeds.com/articles/provigil-withdrawal/

 

A few days after the oct. 10th some withdrawals symptoms began. I was unable to concentrate, think with clarity, remember my past, experiencing depersonalization, and some anxiety. What I decided to do was relax, try and not to use my brain for the next 4 days, and soon after, I started to feel like myself again. Thinking that I was past all of this, I decided to go the movies and continue on with my life aspecting that things were back to normal.  After all I only took a very few among of these pils.

 

This is where the story gets weird. So, the car ride to the movies I started to feel like I was being over stimulated, everything was making me overwhelmed. Once I got to the movie theater I felt a little dizzy. During the movie is where things turn to from bad to worse. The movie was f****** IMAX 3D the worst thing that I could possibly do at a time like this, and this made me I was unable to process anything at all. My brain was working to hard.  I now know after reading a lot of people stories that this can happen.

 

After the movie, my head numb this lead to 3 week of suffering horrific withdrawal symptoms.  I was unable to stop moving I was pacing over of my house.  If was not pacing, I was overwhelmed by anxiety that I would as a unstoppable force with no end or relief.  Along with the anxiety I had all of the classic symptoms everyone knows all to well.  

 

So, I did have what anyone would do during those hellish 3 weeks, go to hospitals, City MD, whatever to help me.  One doctor spoke to me for less than 20 sec saying I have anxiety, I should be fine.  I have anxiety, the normal kind, never in my life he it been like this. Doctors could not conceptualize what exactly I has going through and did not take the time or energy to try. They know what they read.  One doctor insulted me saying, I don't know what I'm talking about and I need to educate myself... That why I came to the ER!!  Also, with each visit I was giving a small dose of benzo.

 

Than, I made an appointment with a neurologist and he told me I have my sympathetic system was taking over, or whatever.  I had someone in my family take one drug and than put on a antidepressant to relieve the symptoms of withdrawal, which worked.  At this point I was losing it, I thought I had brain damage, my anxiety was off the wall, and lost the ability to help myself.  I took two pills. The relief was in hours.  The second day, I woke up crying on the phone with my grandmother on the phone telling me to take the a antidepressant pill, I refuse to for a few hours than gave in... The rest of the day I listen to relaxation music that help A LOT.  I didn't feel normal on the pills, so I stopped.

 

So, here I am it's 2020 and I still am dealing with the symptom of the 7 modfinal, 3 bezos, or so, and 2 Lexapro pill. The text above me was written years ago, I was going to post it on this website sooner, but I never got around to it. I'm glad I wrote it when I did, because it saving to the trouble working through the 5 year of adversity from this terrible ordeal. The lexapro or the benzo has done this to me, but I think it's mostly the antidepressant because of the sexual dysfunction I'm experiencing, either way im in trouble.

 

My major symptom are the pain in my legs and PSSD, with cognitive issues.  Things in some areas have gotten better in other area, but I'm sad to say my symptom are just getting worse.  I positive I have PTSD, no diagnose, which is slowing down my recovery, I'm sure of it. I honored to share this space with all of you brave people, and I hope we all can find peace. Thanks you. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 22, 2020 by manymoretodays
merged 2nd intro topic with 1st, title added

[Webhead21]

SAVED SPACE

[manymoretodays]

Hi Webhead21, @Webhead21

I've got you merged back with your first introduction.  Just one introduction per member please.  Much easier to follow your case, and help, if your information is all in one place. 

 

1 hour ago, Webhead21 said:

My major symptom are the pain in my legs and PSSD, with cognitive issues.  Things in some areas have gotten better in other area, but I'm sad to say my symptom are just getting worse.  I positive I have PTSD, no diagnose, which is slowing down my recovery, I'm sure of it. I honored to share this space with all of you brave people, and I hope we all can find peace. Thanks you. 

 

What has improved?

What symptoms are worse?

 

And then if you would just go to Account Settings > signature on the left, and update.  Or note the date, I believe it was 2015, when you took some pills.

 

Any medications used since then?

 

Many thanks.  And welcome back.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

[Webhead21]

So, I’m have a big issue with my right glute, I think I injured a nerve in the muscle because now losing muscles in that area after only a week, a few days even.  I have been exercising, walking, for 2 hours a day around 4 to 5 times a week for 4 months. I was making good progress, but winter came and it was too cold to be outside, so I started squatting with no weights and push ups or anything.  Reason being, I wanted to maintain the muscle I grow from walking, great right, here I thought my leg were getting better. I must still be intolerant to exercise because my right glute started to string, woking me up in the middle of the night. Now, I have the effects of paraesthesia similar to earlier withdrawals plus hands, arms, forehead, face, throat, and legs, all previous effected in early withdrawal, are stringing, if not string becoming numb as a result.  I’m so devastated by this, Ive been trying to do the right thing. 

 

Day later:

I pain is increasing and mild akathisia is setting in.  My genitals and burning now too, my Pssd is worst now,  permanent lose, I means at 4 1/2 years and I’m getting worse know.  I’m going to a neurologist on Monday, I’m sure it will prove nothing. Will I improve?

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Yes Webhead,

I believe you will improve.  What is the rest of your life like right now?  Are you getting some social in, any fulfilling work, getting out in nature once in awhile, etc.

Healing can be slow......it does happen though.  And that's great, that you've been able to work out some.  Just walking can be so beneficial.......when the weather permits.

 

Are you taking any supplements at all now?  And it's really important and best......and I know if you are younger, it can be hard.......to stay away from any psychoactives right now.......i.e. alcohol, pot, other, too much caffiene, etc.  In other words, be extra cautious about what you put in your body right now.  Go natural!

 

Shifting focus can be really tough.......I will link you on up with some of our topics, in hopes that might help.  And then let us know, and update after your neurologist appointment.  Hopefully something helpful will come about from that.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

 

Apathy, anhedonia, ........

* Dealing with Emotional Spirals

Withdrawal causing intrusive thoughts

Repetative Intrusive thoughts

 

Hang in there Webhead.  Best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited January 24, 2020 by manymoretodays

[Webhead21]

Thank for the responses.  I am currently employed and have been for the past two years, lucky they offered free insurance, so that's great.  I have a social life, but I'm not the same person I used to be, so I'm a drag a lot of the time because of my depression, or trauma hindering me, definitely trauma.  Not only are my pre existing ailments,depression etc, hindering me, but the effects of the SSRI or Benzo i've taken years ago, years ago, to this day about 4 1/2, are still interfering with my life.  Cognitive issues are holding me back, thinking creatively, memory,  in particular my short term memory has been affected.  My cognitive issues overlaps with the SSRI issues, it's hard to draw a line between the two, but my memory for sure has been affected mainly by the SSRIs.

 

My injury from my right glute radiated to my legs, arms, chest and forehead, ect all of the places previously affect the earlier year of my recovery. With all of these parts experiencing pain, they now generally number, weaker, and deflated after the ordeal, just as it did when paraesthesia was first taking effect.  Furthermore, my mental state was also affected as well, which was felted as high anxiety, difficult thinking, short term memory issues, generally withdrawal problems. This was insane to me because after all this time I thought I was healing during all these years. 

 

Exercising has a weird effect on me, when I do muscle building exercises some of my muscle can't take the stress and start to sting and deflate.  I like to point out that my PSSD numbness to definitely related to the "nerve pain" I experienced in my legs and Glute, reason being, they stung and became numb together.

 

I don't take supplement because I know people do have setback from them and if I can't to a few squats, than I am definitely going to tread lightly with any vitamins dose recommendations. I am currently working on my diet now I did in the past, but it's a real challenge for me.  I've had a lot of problem with my depression or PTSD interfering with my day to day, plus eating right is the hardest thing for me and has always been a extreme challenge to overcome.

 

Personally, I think my healing has been slowed because of the depression, anxiety, stress, and I'm thinking PTSD I'm dealing with on a daily basis.  I would like to improve these areas, i thought exercise was the key, but now I have to think about it might slow my healing, maybe tai chi is low impact enough for a full body exercise, walking 2 hours a day was. Also, I believe my digestion is a big factor because I've been constipated ever since I took that SSRI's, and we all know how mainstream your gut health has been recently.

[Icip]

Hello,
 

How is the ‘knot in your head’? I have this too + nulling of creativity. This is a symptom of actually being on the drugs so more than likely a target for the SSRI, hoping it will go.

 

Thanks,

 

Icip.

[manymoretodays]

13 hours ago, Webhead21 said:

Personally, I think my healing has been slowed because of the depression, anxiety, stress, and I'm thinking PTSD I'm dealing with on a daily basis.  I would like to improve these areas, i thought exercise was the key, but now I have to think about it might slow my healing, maybe tai chi is low impact enough for a full body exercise, walking 2 hours a day was. Also, I believe my digestion is a big factor because I've been constipated ever since I took that SSRI's, and we all know how mainstream your gut health has been recently.

 

Hey Webhead,

Have you been to the symptoms and self care forum that we have?  You can search there in the box at the top right, or search using a general browser for just about any topic, just put on in survivingantidepressants.org and then the subject/topic.

Lot's of other self help non- drug coping skills indexed.

 

Here's what I found on PTSD, on site:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/3655-long-pasttraumatization-might-seriously-exacerbate-your-complaints/

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6423-ptsd-from-drug-withdrawal-kindling/

**https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/62-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

 

Have you considered therapy?  The talk kind?

 

The movement therapies ARE great too.  Just go cautious, going forward.  You can also learn to do meditation, or mindfulness, or so many practices that help and do speed up the healing and recovery.

 

It gets better Webhead21.  It will.  Nice to have you back around.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Webhead21]

Just to update my situation, im generally worse .  My PSSD is full now and my legs and arms are now number than before. Unfortunately,  I now my future is going to look, but i'm trying.  I'm starting to do some meditation with the help of podcasts life 10 percent happier and deconstructing yourself.  I'm also reading the book The Mind Illuminated which is going ok, the brain fog is making it a little challenging for most thing, im trying to hit 30 mins a day.  I think i'll try doing to yoga with the App Down Dog, specifically Hatha yoga, its leaning more to moving meditation then cardio.  I've been both in the past but processing the trauma yoga brought out of me with challenging, I think I'll have more success this time around.  I'd think of going keto but i'm not sure if that would be the correct choice for me, im on the fence about it.  Nothing is changing I don't think I'm going to get anymore ground than I have right now, i'll just get worse.  The meditation is helping me I'd like to see if I could get ground in some capacity with it combine with yoga.

[Icip]

Hi Web,

 

Even if you’re not improving symptoms-wise, you seem to be more accepting of your situation? While not ideal, that’s some way to recovering.

Part of withdrawal is feeling like it will never get better, it will - I’ve found that accepting my situation is a lot healthier for my mood and wellbeing than constantly pushing for improvement; it will come, reading is a great way to take your mind off of things.

 

I wish you the best:)),

 

Icip.

[Webhead21]

Hey. I'm sad to say I've only gotten worse my penis is basically completely numb, probably because if nerve damage.  My legs are getting worse, my arms too.  I need help.  I think I'll start walking again but I need help.  I dont know if talk therapy will be available with a lot of people, but I have to use that option.  

 

I'm trying to meditation but it makes things worse with my nervous system, not completely, but enough.  Stress is still a large factor it's the one thing that is constant with my declining health.  I'm I going to make it on my old age.  I'm it shock.  What going to happen to me.

 

I can change my diet, it need work, I can be honest with that. I need a catalyst to turn it around if I can. Man Im devastated by this and its making it hard to move, literally.  My thinkng a keto diet, although, keto flu worries me.

 

[Webhead21]

Updating for anyone interested.  I've been in therapy for a little over a month its helping in a way, it's a process and I'm trying to work with him.  I've been burnout by work for a month and it feeling like I'm damaging my brain or the nerves in my face, around my left eye, its hard to tell.  With the burnout or stress damage, I'll been so fatigue all the time with massive brain fog.  Which makes it hard to talk with my therapist.  I dont think he believes that the ssri damaged me even when explaining to him the pain I feel in my legs and arms.  He told the that the pain I'm feeling in my legs is because subconsciously, I don't want to use them or whatever.. 

 

I'm alway trying to get in the habit off journaling and it been successful to a degree.  I'll continue to strengthen the habit.  It definitely is help me process things I need to be more constant with tho.  

 

I'm feeling so lost I don't know what's happening to me.  I'd love to see a group of people with the same problem to talk to about with.  I'm falling apart year after year, but where and I found help, but here. My emotions are shot, memories bearly recallable, tired all the time, depressed... what now.  No one is taking me seriously.

 

Excerise would help but I cant do that either I'd make things worse, maybe I should try again.   In the past I've been injury do to excerise intolerance, so I dont know.  

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Webhead. I'm sorry you're still coping with this.

 

Some people have fairly immediate severe adverse reactions from psychiatric drugs and have symptoms just like withdrawal syndrome when they go off. It's not actually withdrawal syndrome, the drug shook your nervous system up.

 

What we see is, like post-acute withdrawal syndrome, the symptoms very slowly go away.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Webhead21, how are you doing?

[Webhead21]

@Altostrata

Hello, I was hoping to ask you a question on my status.  I've been unlucky with the whole process of recovery and I've had problems with my legs for sometime now.  My right leg mostly.  My right leg has started to sting since the beginning of withdrawal, both actually, and has not stop degrading for years.  I've found some relief, but Ive not gotten constancy better.  What should I do, where should I go why am I not getting better?  I do think I need to eat better, sleep better, and manage stress better, but still after about 5 years I've not seen much success. 

I'm currently in therapy, but my therapist has no clue about what I'm going through.  Everytime I talk about it I stop him in his tracks, or he'll tell me its unrelated to antidepressants rather its my mental illness. 

The pain in my leg has now gone up my leg is my quads and is near my pelvis. The stinging turn to numbness. How do I stop this its leaving me to think i might be in serious pain.  What should i do.  If you could help me with any tip or advice, anything, it wouldn't hurt.  Thanks.

[Altostrata]

Do you do a lot of sitting? This sounds like sciatica. You might get an evaluation and physical therapy for it.

[ChessieCat]

29 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

This sounds like sciatica.

 

I thought the same thing.

[Webhead21]

@Altostrata  @ChessieCat

 

So, I thought the same thing and did some research on the origins of sciatica nerves and lower back related problems.  What I found was the the pain starts in the lower back and works its way down to the foot. In my case its the opposite, it started in my calves, than a little in my foot, now years later in my thighs.  It started in my thighs because I was up all night in pain from a tooth problem leading to an all most completed root canal.  Although, in the beginning of my adverse reaction I've had problem all up and down my legs the right being the worst because of the see-able muscle loss in my right calve; my left calve has more muscle than my right now and it not even my dominate leg. Sleep is a big factor in keeping my symptom in check and missing out on it lead to more numbness in my problematic areas, or muscle loss.

 

That being said, I'll still look into it, because of the muscle loss i'm skeptical.

[Altostrata]

If you do a lot of sitting, you need stretching and exercise. Physical therapy can help.

[ChessieCat]

Do you have any local physios with a hyrdrotherapy pool?

[Webhead21]

Hey, I unusually come back here when I at a lost with my situation, so here I am.  I’m getting worse my emotion are numbing, stress is killing the most human parts of me to a devastating degree.  I think I’m getting to the point where I need to quit my job really disabled.  I think about writing here all the time and asking for help, but because I’m so challenged when expressing myself I’m worried I’ll be ignore or misunderstood. My family doesn’t even care enough to help me or even believe just how serious I’m hurt and becoming close to really being broken completely.I’ve tried a lot of things over the years to get myself to recover and noting is sticking, although I could do better with the things I tried.  I’m so hurt by what happened to me, I can’t stop thinking about how I’m could me a numb person unable to recovery and after getting worse over close to 6 years I’m on my knees pledging to make it stop.  The worse I become the hard it is to work on myself because the more I think about what I’ll have left if I for a life in the future.  
 

Im Basically here because I’m traumatized with very little support or understanding hoping to see what others have done to regulate themselves to a point where healing can take place.  I think sure I know my next steps, but I wanted/need to asked because I need to communicate with people how would understand.  
 

 

 
 

 

[ChessieCat]

I suggest you have a look here: finding-meaning

 

Other members do feel / have felt similar to how you are feeling and there are topics in the above forum which you might find helpful.

 

Particularly check out the pinned topics at the top of the list.

[Webhead21]

@ChessieCatHey,thanks for the help I read through the pinned topics, I think I did in the past,too.  I was wonder if you have seen someone in my situation were trauma, ptsd/cptsd, have made things worse.  I’m being emotionally numb, mentally slowed, physical numb, and it’s scaring me, traumatizing me.  I can’t see a live without some of the things I lost at times, it’s haunting.  Like all traumatized people, I’m in a cycle of worry and terror about how my future is because as time goes on I get worse.  The one thing that effect both my non Ssri Brain and Ssri brain was the depression and trauma in my life.  So, I’m curious if I can reverse it and heal if I have resolved my trauma.  So many members must be traumatized here from many challenging life circumstances have to seen things turn around with trauma being lifted.  I want to keep hope alive but I can’t keep living like this it’s effecting every area in my life.  At some point I’ll me staring at a wall zoned out and waiting to died.  

[MontanaMan]

How you doing now man? Any better with the muscle atrophy and loss of emotions?