Sean: Lexapro Withdrawal - Reinstated...

[Sean]

Hey Everyone,

 

I'm sorry if this gets long, it's been a very hard journey that I know yall will understand. I'm really hoping to get some sort of help or insight if the road I'm currently on is causing more harm than good. Back in 2009, I started taking Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg for very mild depression and anxiety. I began my career as a graphic designer in 2008 and the working environment was a bit stressful and I didnt adapt very well leading to more anxiety than usual. After speaking with my doctor, we felt it was a good idea to go on a low dose of lexapro. After a month or so, I started feeling really good. I even felt great after being on it for a couple of years on top with excercising and eating better. Well, in April of 2013 I got an opportunity to work from home which was great, no more hostile working environment and I was away from an over bearing/obnoxious co-worker. I continued taking lexapro until August of 2013 and more or less quit taking cold turkey since I "felt fine." The doctor never stressed the importance of tapering over months, or the coarse of a year for that matter, so I tapperd in a matter of 2 weeks...maybe a little less. He said I would probably exerience some dizziness or lightheadeness after stopping, which I did for a few weeks...but then it went away by September.

 

On January 29th of 2014, I woke up with vertigo. I wasnt sure what to think of it to be honest. I was like, "Wow, weird"...time to get a shower, and went about my day. I had a little lightheadedness that wasnt too bad that caught my attention, but didnt concern me. Then about a week later, I had another episode of vertigo. The dizziness and lightheadedness became more and more constant and intensified. At this time, lots of things started to stress me out, and for good reason. My dog started having seizures around the same time I started getting vertigo. My wife told me we were going to have our first baby in March. My sister was about to have brain surgery and almost didnt make it in April. I started working at the previous company as I did before, with the overbearing/obnoxious co-worker (who is now my manager.) In May, that's when the withdrawals hit me REALLY hard. The depression, the anxiety, the doom and gloom, the uncontrollable thoughts. The unbearable tension in my neck and shoulders, the fatigue, the intense headaches. 

 

When all of this began, I went to see an ENT specialist thinking the dizziness/vertigo was an inner ear issue. I racked up medical bills getting tests done, cat scans, an MRI, blood work, trip to the ER, doctor visit after doctor visit. Once the medical bills started pouring in, that added a whole other level of stress. I cried uncontrollably, I was lashing out, had panic attacks...I seriously wanted to die, to be honest. That's when I had to call my mom and she came to stay with us for a week. Here I am, a 32 year old man calling his mommy. Pathetic! This has already gotten long, but currently I am seeing a psychatirst who has no idea why I'm experiencing withdrawls this far out which is very frustrating. Shouldnt the be more aware of these type of things? I re-instarted lexapro 10mg in June of 2014 but it made me feel worse. We messed around with the dosage, but my psychiatrist has since put me on Celexa 10mg. Right now, I am just "maintaining." I still have light headedness and intense headaches. I get these headaches probably 2-4 times a week, and they leave me feeling VERY exhausted. I stay tired, but I know part of that is probably working 40 hours a week and taking care of a 7 month old...on top of dealing with all of this. What I would like to know though, is am I doing the right thing by re-instating an anti-depressant? These headaches that I get make life very difficult...I dont know if it's a side effect of the anti-depressant or if it's still withdrawals? I'm still at a low dose, and any time I try to go up...I start to feel worse. I now take topamax for the headaches/migraines and I've been put on blood pressure medicine since now I've developed high blood pressure. 

 

Sorry for the long post and introduction, it's hard to sum all of this stuff up in a couple of short paragraphs...either that or I'm just way too long winded! Thank you for any help and insight!

[Tilly]

Hi Sean,

 

You are very welcome here

 

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through such a tough time with many stressful life events. In my experience, they all come at once leaving us unable to run for cover to weather the storm. Calling your Mum at any age is a perfectly acceptable by the way. It goes with the job description

 

Again, from my experience in the UK of working with GPs (doctors) they receive under a weeks training in mental health and psychoactive medication in spite of the huge proportion of daily visits that they receive in relation to mental distress.

 

I experienced a very similar situation to you after a too fast taper from citalopram (Celexa) several years ago (the equally evil cousin of escitalopram). I tapered in the January and vertigo, dizziness, and a whole range of symptoms hit me in  August. You are not at all alone in this delayed reaction. It is very common.I tried to restart citalopram in the September. I stuck it for less than a week. The side effects were unbearable. I alternated between talking incoherently with slow slurred speech, and then pressured thoughts and speech at 100 miles an hour like someone on amphetamines.

 

Sometimes, when we withdraw from an SSRI, we can not tolerate taking it again. I'm not saying that this is the case for you, but it is a possibility.

 

A moderator will be along soon and may be able to offer more definitive guidance.

 

I am currently tapering from escitalopram, but also have experience of Celexa. If I can help you with any aspects of your taper, I am happy to give what advice I can.

 

In the meantime, you are not alone and will receive valuable support here.

 

Tilly x

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Sean.

 

I am sorry you have these delayed withdrawal effects. We see them frequently here.

 

When did you start Celexa 10mg? Did you feel it helped when you started it?

 

Celexa and Lexapro are close relatives.

 

Please keep notes on paper of your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your drugs, for at least a week. Please put ALL the drugs you take in the Drug Interactions Checker http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html and copy and paste the results in this topic.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[naturegirl]

Did the headaches start before or after the blood pressure medication? I recently learned that blood pressure meds are notorious for causing bad headaches.

[Sean]

Thanks yall for the responses I actually came across this board this time last year when I was at my worst. The anxiety was so bad that I could barely bring myself to read some of the members stories because they literally scared me. It would trigger my anxiety and depression and I would psyche myself into believing I would never get better. After getting looked at like I'm crazy from doctors and anyone I would tell, I finally decided it was the right time to post here...I'm already glad I decided to, so thank you!

 

Did the headaches start before or after the blood pressure medication? I recently learned that blood pressure meds are notorious for causing bad headaches.

 

They actually started shortly after I went into full blown withdrawls when I started experiencing the severe muscle tension in my neck and back. After I re-instated, they seemed to intensify it felt like. I noticed my blood pressure was through the roof once I re-instated, so then I got put on the bp medicine. The headaches continued, and my psychiatrist recommended getting my eyes checked since with my profession I sit in front of a computer all day. I got an eye test and turns out I needed "computer glasses" that helped ease the headaches quite a bit. I was having really bad jaw clinching so it relieved that and some of the tightness and tension in my neck. The headaches always originate in the back of my neck though, like tension headaches. At times, they turn into a migraine and that's when it really leaves me exhausted and drained. 

 

Hi Sean,

 

You are very welcome here

 

I experienced a very similar situation to you after a too fast taper from citalopram (Celexa) several years ago (the equally evil cousin of escitalopram). I tapered in the January and vertigo, dizziness, and a whole range of symptoms hit me in  August. You are not at all alone in this delayed reaction. It is very common.I tried to restart citalopram in the September. I stuck it for less than a week. The side effects were unbearable. I alternated between talking incoherently with slow slurred speech, and then pressured thoughts and speech at 100 miles an hour like someone on amphetamines.

 

I am currently tapering from escitalopram, but also have experience of Celexa. If I can help you with any aspects of your taper, I am happy to give what advice I can.

 

In the meantime, you are not alone and will receive valuable support here.

 

Tilly x

 

Thank you, Tilly Once you started escitalopram, did you ever level back out and not experience anymore of the withdrawal symptoms you had before? I dont think I'm anywhere near being at the point of tapering to be honest. Right now, my mindset is that I feel I'm better off being on an anti-depressant than not taking any at all. I really dont know the long term effects of taking an anti-depressant and I've never really thought about it until these past couple of years, but I think the benefits for me personally taking them out weight not taking them at all. If it turns out that 50 years from now, scientists discover that SSRI's cause humans to grow an extra arm or turn us into government zombie robots, then I'm sure I'd probably change my mind more than likely!

 

Welcome, Sean.

 

I am sorry you have these delayed withdrawal effects. We see them frequently here.

 

When did you start Celexa 10mg? Did you feel it helped when you started it?

 

Celexa and Lexapro are close relatives.

 

Please keep notes on paper of your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your drugs, for at least a week. Please put ALL the drugs you take in the Drug Interactions Checker http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html and copy and paste the results in this topic.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

 

Thank you! I started Celexa in March of this year, so I've been taking it for about 5 months. I think I responded better to Celexa than I did when I re-instated with Lexapro though. I still have my good days and my bad days, and my symptoms seem to come and go but are definitely at there worst when I'm at work...possibly due to stress is my guess. I started taking a magnesium supplement a few days ago, so I'm hoping to see some positive changes soon. I read that it can help with headaches/migraines, so figured it couldn't hurt. I'm currently taking a 400mg softgel along with something that I used when I was working out. They helped me A LOT with overall energy and increased my ability to focus. They also have 50mg of magnesium. These are for men, but I believe they make them also for women...

 

http://www.gnc.com/GNC-MEGA-MEN-SPORT/product.jsp?productId=4193179

 

I was taking fish oil for a while, but I really didnt notice any improvements. I'll have to give it another try though and pay closer attention. I really do appreciate yalls help! Hopefully one day I will be able to return the favor and help others here...going through this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Things have gotten better, very slowly though...but I've learned to be really patient and it has completely changed the way I view life in general, which is a positive.

[Altostrata]

See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[nz11]

Hi Sean.

After reading this thread i am still not sure what drugs you are currently or not currently taking.

Be great if you could put your drug sig up to confirm it.

 

In the event that you may be taking celexa and lex together i ran them through the drug checker for you with the topamax also

Interactions between your selected drugs

................................//...........................................................................
citalopram ↔ escitalopram

Applies to: Celexa (citalopram), Lexapro (escitalopram)

Using escitalopram together with citalopram can increase the risk of a rare but serious condition called the serotonin syndrome, which may include symptoms such as confusion, hallucination, seizure, extreme changes in blood pressure, increased heart rate, fever, excessive sweating, shivering or shaking, blurred vision, muscle spasm or stiffness, tremor, incoordination, stomach cramp, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe cases may result in coma and even death. You should contact your doctor immediately if you experience these symptoms during treatment. In addition, combining these medications can increase the risk of an irregular heart rhythm that may be serious and potentially life-threatening, although it is a relatively rare side effect. You may be more susceptible if you have a heart condition called congenital long QT syndrome, other cardiac diseases, conduction abnormalities, or electrolyte disturbances (for example, magnesium or potassium loss due to severe or prolonged diarrhea or vomiting). Talk to your doctor if you have any questions or concerns. Your doctor may already be aware of the risks, but has determined that this is the best course of treatment for you and has taken appropriate precautions and is monitoring you closely for any potential complications. You should seek immediate medical attention if you develop sudden dizziness, lightheadedness, fainting, shortness of breath, or heart palpitations during treatment with these medications, whether together or alone. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Switch to professional interaction data
topiramate ↔ escitalopram

Applies to: Topamax (topiramate), Lexapro (escitalopram)

Using topiramate together with escitalopram may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

 

..................................................//............................................

I am really sorry that after what appears to be 5 months drug free you reinstated ads.

 

I really dont know the long term effects of taking an anti-depressant and I've never really thought about it until these past couple of years, but I think the benefits for me personally taking them out weight not taking them at all. If it turns out that 50 years from now, scientists discover that SSRI's cause humans to grow an extra arm or turn us into government zombie robots, then I'm sure I'd probably change my mind more than likely!

 

Sean no disrespect but we all could have said this kind of thing due to a misplaced trust in people who have letters after there names, who told us 'safe and not addictive' so you are not alone, furthermore they have obtained uninformed consent by giving  us false information and remained silent on crucial information HOWEVER we are now living in the 'information age' and 'ignorance is a choice'. 

 

As such it is very wise to do the homework on what you are being given to swallow. 

 

Your doctor should have told you the long term outcomes, ...scientists already know what 'ssris cause' .

 

Do you have access to the book 'anatomy of an epidemic' by Robert Whitaker . I reccommend reading it....look at the 2nd to bottom line  of page 231 to the bottom of  page 232. "SSRIs may cause.........misshapen."

I guarantee your doctor never warned you of these things.

 

Well done on finding sa. Hope you stabilize soon.

[Altostrata]

Sean is on Celexa instead of Lexapro.

[nz11]

Thanks

ok got it ...then ignore above interactions checker.

[Sean]

Thank you,nz11...sorry I wasn't clear. Having a 7 month old makes even posting on the internet challenging sometimes:) I will update my signature as soon as I can.

 

But Altostrata is correct, I'm taking celexa 10mg right now with topamax 25mg for migraines/headaches and losartan 25mg for high blood pressure. My hopes are by being here and sharing and learning from everyone, that I will become more knowledgeable of just what ssri's can do longterm and if the pros outweigh the cons for me. I'll have to check out that book though...I'm just now at a point where I can read about all of this without freaking myself out. I appreciate you taking the time to respond...thank you!

[Altostrata]

When and why were Topamax and losartan added?

 

Please put ALL the drugs you take in the Drug Interactions Checker http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html and copy and paste the results in this topic.

[Tilly]

Hi again Sean,

 

I experienced very bad headaches on both citalopram and escitalopram. These medications caused a lot of jaw clenching in me and muscle tension in my neck shoulders and upper back. I am still suffering with muscle tension in my taper, but headaches are much less frequent and only occasionally intense now.

 

I thought that escitalopram was working for me in the initial few months of taking it, but now believe that I was merely providing short term relief from withdrawal from citalopram. Once I built up a tolerance to escitalopram it no longer provided relief and I started experiencing additional side effects which where not helpful to my original anxiety / ongoing withdrawal.

 

In reality, the only reason I continued to take SSRI's for many years was to defer the withdrawal symptoms caused as a result of tapering too quickly. If I had known / been supported my my GP to undertake a slow taper, I would have taken this action a lot sooner.

 

Tilly

[Sean]

When and why were Topamax and losartan added?

 

Please put ALL the drugs you take in the Drug Interactions Checker http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html and copy and paste the results in this topic.

 

Topamax was added in around June or July of this year to help with the headaches and migraines. It seems to have helped somewhat so far...but it really is hard to tell if I'm just experiencing a window where I'm feeling better. Since I've added the magnessium supplement, I've been feeling better. It's still so early to tell, but I'm hopeful that it will continue to get better.

 

The Losaratan was added shortly after re-instating of Lexapro last year. My blood pressure was dangerously high, and we thought maybe that was what was causing the headaches. That was around the time we were grasping for straws as to what was going on. 

 

Here's the drug interaction checker results:

 

Interactions between your selected drugs

No results found - however, this does not necessarily mean no interactions exist. ALWAYS consult with your doctor or pharmacist.

losartan ↔ food

Applies to: losartan

If you are taking losartan you should avoid potassium-containing salt substitutes or over-the-counter potassium supplements without first talking to your doctor. This can cause high levels of potassium in your blood. High levels of potassium can cause weakness, irregular heartbeat, confusion, tingling of the extremities, or feelings of heaviness in the legs. Call your doctor at once if you have any of these symptoms. In some patients grapefruits and grapefruit juice may decrease the efficacy of losartan. Grapefruits and grapefruit juice should be avoided if an interaction is suspected. Orange juice is not expected to interact.

[Sean]

Hi again Sean,

 

I experienced very bad headaches on both citalopram and escitalopram. These medications caused a lot of jaw clenching in me and muscle tension in my neck shoulders and upper back. I am still suffering with muscle tension in my taper, but headaches are much less frequent and only occasionally intense now.

 

I thought that escitalopram was working for me in the initial few months of taking it, but now believe that I was merely providing short term relief from withdrawal from citalopram. Once I built up a tolerance to escitalopram it no longer provided relief and I started experiencing additional side effects which where not helpful to my original anxiety / ongoing withdrawal.

 

In reality, the only reason I continued to take SSRI's for many years was to defer the withdrawal symptoms caused as a result of tapering too quickly. If I had known / been supported my my GP to undertake a slow taper, I would have taken this action a lot sooner.

 

Tilly

 

Thanks, Tilly. I think I'm in a similar situation...I just dont know if what I'm doing is helping me, or if I'm also just deferring my withdrawal symptoms from quitting cold turkey. It's been around 1 year & 9 months since I first started experiencing withdrawals and just over a year since re-instating, so I'm just really unsure. I'm trying to listen to my body the best I can, but sometimes I cant tell if I'm tired/exhausted from working 40 hours a week and being a new dad, and not having a lot of "me" time. Or if it's the withdrawals...or a combination of both. Before all of this, I could work 40+ hours a week no problem and have enough energy to come home, work out and do whatever else and go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. That was before having a baby, so I dont know how much more tired I would have been back then compared to now. I struggle getting up in the mornings and getting my mind right. I have to pray to get my thoughts in line to where they need to be. I'm better than I was this time last year, no doubt about it, but I guess I have a certain level of anxiety built up from not knowing how all of this is going to turn out on top of dealing with the headaches/migraines. I dont have intrusive thoughts and the very severe anxiety/depression I experienced when all of this first started, so I know I'm slowly recovering. 

 

When all of this first started, going to the grocery store was a complete nightmare for me. It was complete sensory overload....visually, the noise, all of the hussle and bussle of people everywhere, the shelves with all of the food and different colors would make me dizzy. I almost would fall into shoppers passing by them walking down the aisle. The floors made me feel like I was about to slip and lose my balance. Reaching in and out of the shopping cart would make me dizzy...by the time I would get home, I would be exhausted and always felt discouraged and felt horrible. It was like this every single week. Yesterday when we went, I really paid close attention as I was pushing our 8 month old down the aisles...none of these things bothered me. And there are times that these things dont bother me when we go to the grocery store, so the fact that I notice that I have more pleasant experiences than not lets me know that I am recovering. But it takes me having to write about it like I'm doing now, or to really have time to reflect on it (which I dont have a lot of time anymore) to realize these things. 

 

Talking to people was another thing that was very diffult to do. Just short quick interactions were very hard and it took a lot of effort on my end to initiate a conversation or keep one going. I wouldnt even try at first, but after a while...they happen more naturally and I dont even think about it. I just try my best to show kindness towards the other person to help make their day better, which takes my mind off anything else that I may be thinking about. Interacting with people actually makes the recovery a little easier for me, as long as the conversation is positive. Any time it starts turning negative or about gossip, I try to find a quick exit.

[DavidStone]

Sean,

 

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're facing these challenges. One thing I picked up on was you mentioned you previously could read the forum without great anxiety. But now you're hear and it may seem like a little step forward, never the less it's progress.

 

I've called family before and they were there. No doubt if your child ever needs you you'll be there for them. Age means nothing in our relationships and family.

 

My experience with Lexapro WD took five months to show up. Triggered one day by a panic attack. I don't many people know about the long term lingering or slow to manifest symptoms. I'd imagine more times than not they taper fast, develop problems and discover this forum after the fact.

 

Maybe your situation will change permitting you to work from home again? I'm not sure what enabled you to do it the first time but I know that must have helped tremendously with work related stress.

 

Remember how good days felt and know they are coming again.

[Sean]

Thanks, David! Oh yea, there's definitely progress compared to when all of this first started. I still get a little discouraged reading some of the stories and journys that others have been on here though. Knowing what they are going through and how it feels brings all of it back for me. I have to focus when I read and make myself realize that I'm in a different place now and by the time my mind starts wondering, I either have to finish my work or go change a dirty diaper...so the "distractions" of life help in a funny way.

 

I would love to work from home again, but with having a baby...we need the medical benifits and it pays more money. So maybe one day! Being forced to work in the workforce and go about daily life routines is good, in my opinion, for the recovery process for me personally. Otherwise, I'd be in my house working...isolated with more time on my hands and more time to "think." For a while, I couldnt be left alone. I didnt want to be alone...now, it doesnt bother me although prefer to have company. I'm starting to have days kinda sprinkled in there of how I use to feel...I'll turn some music on and dance in front of our baby to make him laugh and do stupid stuff to see him smile. Then I have my moments where I'm just blah, I sit there and try to do as little as possible to pace myself...which isnt fair for my wife, but she's been very understanding. I think it's been just as hard on her as it has on me some days. All of this has made our relationship stronger though...it's made me re-evaluate whats important to me in life and what my priorities should be. I constantly look for the good in all of the bad, even when I'm feeling my worse. 

 

Thanks for reaching out! Btw, I notice you're from Gainesville, FL...are you a Gators fan by chance?!?

[Tilly]

 

Hi again Sean,

 

I experienced very bad headaches on both citalopram and escitalopram. These medications caused a lot of jaw clenching in me and muscle tension in my neck shoulders and upper back. I am still suffering with muscle tension in my taper, but headaches are much less frequent and only occasionally intense now.

 

I thought that escitalopram was working for me in the initial few months of taking it, but now believe that I was merely providing short term relief from withdrawal from citalopram. Once I built up a tolerance to escitalopram it no longer provided relief and I started experiencing additional side effects which where not helpful to my original anxiety / ongoing withdrawal.

 

In reality, the only reason I continued to take SSRI's for many years was to defer the withdrawal symptoms caused as a result of tapering too quickly. If I had known / been supported my my GP to undertake a slow taper, I would have taken this action a lot sooner.

 

Tilly

 

Thanks, Tilly. I think I'm in a similar situation...I just dont know if what I'm doing is helping me, or if I'm also just deferring my withdrawal symptoms from quitting cold turkey. It's been around 1 year & 9 months since I first started experiencing withdrawals and just over a year since re-instating, so I'm just really unsure. I'm trying to listen to my body the best I can, but sometimes I cant tell if I'm tired/exhausted from working 40 hours a week and being a new dad, and not having a lot of "me" time. Or if it's the withdrawals...or a combination of both. Before all of this, I could work 40+ hours a week no problem and have enough energy to come home, work out and do whatever else and go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. That was before having a baby, so I dont know how much more tired I would have been back then compared to now. I struggle getting up in the mornings and getting my mind right. I have to pray to get my thoughts in line to where they need to be. I'm better than I was this time last year, no doubt about it, but I guess I have a certain level of anxiety built up from not knowing how all of this is going to turn out on top of dealing with the headaches/migraines. I dont have intrusive thoughts and the very severe anxiety/depression I experienced when all of this first started, so I know I'm slowly recovering. 

 

When all of this first started, going to the grocery store was a complete nightmare for me. It was complete sensory overload....visually, the noise, all of the hussle and bussle of people everywhere, the shelves with all of the food and different colors would make me dizzy. I almost would fall into shoppers passing by them walking down the aisle. The floors made me feel like I was about to slip and lose my balance. Reaching in and out of the shopping cart would make me dizzy...by the time I would get home, I would be exhausted and always felt discouraged and felt horrible. It was like this every single week. Yesterday when we went, I really paid close attention as I was pushing our 8 month old down the aisles...none of these things bothered me. And there are times that these things dont bother me when we go to the grocery store, so the fact that I notice that I have more pleasant experiences than not lets me know that I am recovering. But it takes me having to write about it like I'm doing now, or to really have time to reflect on it (which I dont have a lot of time anymore) to realize these things. 

 

Talking to people was another thing that was very diffult to do. Just short quick interactions were very hard and it took a lot of effort on my end to initiate a conversation or keep one going. I wouldnt even try at first, but after a while...they happen more naturally and I dont even think about it. I just try my best to show kindness towards the other person to help make their day better, which takes my mind off anything else that I may be thinking about. Interacting with people actually makes the recovery a little easier for me, as long as the conversation is positive. Any time it starts turning negative or about gossip, I try to find a quick exit.

 

I can identify with all of the experiences and feelings that you describe and really empathise with you.

 

If it helps at all, I am finding interactions easier, even while tapering. I have bad days / weeks, but I feel more like me than I have in many years. This is what keeps me pushing on through the waves of withdrawal. I want me back and I am moving towards that. Slowly, but surely.

 

I wish you the best of everything.

 

Tilly x

[Sean]

Thank you, Tilly...I really appreciate it. I want me back also, and I know my loved ones do too. I'm the type of person that tries to be the rock for my family, but these past couple of years I've just crumbled and become fragile. I know all of this will make me stronger on the other side, but the journey itself is painful at times. 

 

Wishing you the best also, thank you so much again!

[DavidStone]

Thanks, David! Oh yea, there's definitely progress compared to when all of this first started. I still get a little discouraged reading some of the stories and journys that others have been on here though. Knowing what they are going through and how it feels brings all of it back for me. I have to focus when I read and make myself realize that I'm in a different place now and by the time my mind starts wondering, I either have to finish my work or go change a dirty diaper...so the "distractions" of life help in a funny way.

 

I would love to work from home again, but with having a baby...we need the medical benifits and it pays more money. So maybe one day! Being forced to work in the workforce and go about daily life routines is good, in my opinion, for the recovery process for me personally. Otherwise, I'd be in my house working...isolated with more time on my hands and more time to "think." For a while, I couldnt be left alone. I didnt want to be alone...now, it doesnt bother me although prefer to have company. I'm starting to have days kinda sprinkled in there of how I use to feel...I'll turn some music on and dance in front of our baby to make him laugh and do stupid stuff to see him smile. Then I have my moments where I'm just blah, I sit there and try to do as little as possible to pace myself...which isnt fair for my wife, but she's been very understanding. I think it's been just as hard on her as it has on me some days. All of this has made our relationship stronger though...it's made me re-evaluate whats important to me in life and what my priorities should be. I constantly look for the good in all of the bad, even when I'm feeling my worse. 

 

Thanks for reaching out! Btw, I notice you're from Gainesville, FL...are you a Gators fan by chance?!?

 

Not a big sports guy But...I am a graphic designer like yourself. You're right about working from home, which is what I do. I didn't choose to do this as a result of the WD. I started my business a few years ago. My daughter and another person now work for me. It's a different situation that I had back when I worked in the work force. There I was in direct contact with quite a few different people everyday. I'm a good conversationalist (I'd like to think and got along with everyone. I had a huge work load for a small amount of pay but alot more contact with people. Now I make alot more but my contact is nearly all over the internet.

 

Your comment made me think about my social situation. Something I hadn't given alot of thought to. I moved back to my home town to be near my older parents in 2010. I had a couple of hospitalizations over medical issues which have been resolved and my marriage ended in divorce 2 years ago. So I've had five years of busy life changing events.

 

I had friends where I moved from but now find my world has shrunk...not intentionally - and I do miss the interaction. The problem I find is how to make new acquaintances. My interests are mostly creative and I work a lot - add to this the current situation with anxiety and that becomes a hindrance to trying new things.

 

The area I live is south of Gainesville closer to Ocala so not a very large community. I can count on one hand how many people I socialize with outside of family. While it bothers me to one degree I don't focus on it because I know it's not a problem to tackle at the moment. That I perceive it to be a problem means it's important to me to have more friends than I do...I love self analysis

 

All that said - yes - for where you are at in your recovery I agree...going to a job is a good thing. I'm glad you see it that way. Perhaps you can freelance on the side for some extra income...though having had three children, two of whom I'm still raising I know how busy life can be

[Sean]

OhhH, Ocala! My grandmother use to live there...she lives in Winter Park now. It's been forever since I've been there, I think I was maybe 7 or 8 years old the last time I was there, but it was pretty from what I can remember. I somehow have not moved out of Georgia yet after years of saying I wouldnt be here my whole life! One day, I'm hoping we will have a house on or near the beach on the Gulf...it doesnt even have to have indoor plumbing, as long as it's on the beach!

 

I know what you mean about having trouble meeting new acquaintances. I have devoted so much of my time, up until these past 2 years, to work so much that I havent really made time for anything else. I'm a lot like you though, I have just a couple of friends outside of my family that I hang out with to unwind and cut up with. And even in these past couple of years, I havent hung out as much with them. And when I do, I'm just not quite myself. It's not something I'm focused on at the moment either, but I do make it a point to reach out to them quite a bit just so they know that I havent dropped off the face of the earth. 

 

Originally, I left my full-time graphic design job to work from home to pursue what I went to school for (modeling 3d characters for video games.) I had built up enough freelance contacts on the side over a period of time that I decided that I would take a chance on it. It worked out okay for the most part, although I didnt make nearly as much...but I was happy. Then I had a job interview in north Atlanta that I didnt recieve an offer for (this was 5 months after stopping Lexapro), and that's when the downward spiral began. I've been rejected plenty of times from job interviews, but I teared up when I got turned down for that one and the next day I was asking myself why did I tear up like that? And que the antidepressant withdrawal music! haha. I dont really know your circumstances or the journey you've been on with WDs, but it is reassuring to me that you are still able to run your own business and have others work for you and do what you love to do. There was a point where working just 20 hours was difficult. The exhaustion, anxiety/depression, congnitive learning problems, etc. just made it so hard! Starting a new job on the onset of WDs made things really difficult, especially considering it was with the company that I thought I had left in my rear view mirror. 

 

Btw, do you have a company website? I'd love to check out yalls work

[Altostrata]

Sean, what's your blood pressure now?

 

High blood pressure is a common withdrawal symptom. It could be you don't need Losartan any more. It needs to be tapered to avoid blood pressure rebound.

[Sean]

Hey Altostrata, sorry for the late response...I got sick with some sinus head cold that's had me feeling like poop the past couple of days.

 

I checked my BP this morning and it was 120/80. I'm taking magnesium oxide as well, which I read can lower BP a bit. I'd imagine I would need to taper off the BP medicine if my numbers get too low?

[Sean]

I've been sick with some crazy sinus head cold the past 3 days, but I'm just now starting to feel better. I've noticed my immune system seems to be weaker now than it use to, or am I just imaging this?

 

Also, when I first walk into work...I have to walk about a quarter-mile through a wearhouse/plant to get to my office. On the way, there's loud machines that make carpet, door mats, fork lifts everywhere...just a lot of stuff visually going on and a lot of noise. This seems to trigger my dizziness and balance issues. Does this seem to happen to anyone else? I use to walk into grocery stores and have the same problem, but it's not as bad anymore. I've also been having short term memory problems and issues with finding the right word to say and just kinda mumbling in the middle of a sentence...this is a new symptom I've noticed the past couple of days. I've been on cold meds, so I'm wondering if this had anything to do with it?

[Altostrata]

Yes, you need to taper off blood pressure drugs.
 
If you are sensitive to light, sound, vibration, etc. -- which is very possible in withdrawal -- you may wish to assist your healing by using dark glasses or amber glasses and noise-cancelling headphones to help your nervous system stay calmer.
 
See

Overstimulation and Increased Sensitivity to Light, Sound...
 
Dizziness, vertigo, lightheaded, etc.

Light-sensitive? Try blocking out blue light

 

and other topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

 

Are you also taking fish oil? Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[Sean]

Thanks for the info, Alto

 

I'm going to get some earplugs and see if that helps. My office also has a lot of florescent lighting that is hard on my eyes, so my working environment isn't exactly conducive to someone recovering from WD's. I do take magnesium now that you suggested it a while back, and I have noticed a pretty big improvement with my headaches and how my body feels...so thank you! I noticed it kinda keeps me wired at night though for some reason...like I can't completely shut my brain off to go to sleep. Not sure if that is typical or not. I'm going to give the fish oil another try, I think I got the wrong kind last time. I haven't really had brain zaps in a few weeks, that symptom tends to come and go...which from what I've read here is a good thing. So maybe it's a matter of time before I don't have them all together.

 

Thanks again, I really do appreciate all of your help

[Sean]

It's been a couple of months since I've posted any updates, but my progress has been okay for the most part. I went a month with having just a couple of severe headaches, then all of the sudden they were back again. I felt pretty discouraged that they were back, but I am encouraged that there was a month where I was able to not have that pain in my neck and head. I've been taking magnessium oxide, which I've since read is the cheapest low quality stuff you can get...so I'm hoping something better quality will give me better results.

 

I almost hate to get too excited about any progress, because I dont want to jinx anything. But some of my physical symptoms, the dizziness/light headedness and balance issues, seem to have eased up a lot the past couple of months. Every so often, I will get a brain zap and a little light headedness but it only lasts for a couple of minutes instead of all day. I know symptoms will come and go, but the fact that some are "gone" for longer periods of time is pretty encouraging. 

 

The past 2 weeks, I've had a upper respiratory infection and bronchitis that really took me for a rough wave. That intensified the mental symptoms...mostly depression. But I know being sick for 2 weeks gets anyone down, so that is something I reminded myself of also when I got to feeling really down on myself. One thing that I cant explain is I've had no headaches/migraines while being sick...which is a common symptom with bronchits/URI's. I hate to even mention it because I dont want to jinx it...but it's something I noticed and really dont understand. It's like my body and nervous system decided to stop attacking itself, and instead focus on attacking the virus/bacteria?!? Really strange stuff!

 

Also, I had to do a phone consultation with my psychiatrist (who still isnt familiar with prolonged AD WD's) because I ran out of refills on my headache meds (topomax.) During the conversation, she mentioned following up with a neurologist to get their input on my headaches/migraines and that I might be "missing out on a magic pill" that could help me. When she said that, it just frustrated me for some reason. I know she's trying to help, but just the words "magic pill" kinda didnt set right with me I guess. Anyway, I just dont see how a neurologist will be able to help me. I've already had a MRI and it came back clean...aside for the fact that my brain was abnormally small and in the shape of a peanut :-P

 

Other than those changes, I have felt very stressed and on edge over all. I really have a hard time knowing if that's because of the WD's...or if it's because I'm a new dad who is just adjusting to a new way of life. He has kept me going this whole time and I love him more than anything. Just seeing his smile man...it seriously makes me forget for that moment what I'm going through, and what I'm putting my family through. I really just try to focus on enjoying these moments where he's a baby...because they will be gone before I know it. 

[Sean]

Question for an admin/mod or anyone tapering from topomax....

 

Is 1 pill every other day for a few weeks okay? I'm currently at 25mg and have never exceeded this dosage. The recommended dosage for most topomax patients is somewhere between 200mg-400mg if I'm not mistaken. I have already skipped one day, and have a mild headache. But these past few days have been a bit stressful (my niece is currently going through withdrawals of her own so I've been worried over her) so I think that has a lot to do with feeling tense. And again, all my headaches originate in my upper neck not in my head.

 

My headaches are less intense and less frequent now, but I'm not sure if that's because I'm so far out of my WD's (its been 3 years) or if its the topomax helping. I didnt notice an improvement when I first started taking it, even after a few months...but I just continued to take it hoping it would help. I've been taking it for just over a year now, but just a couple of months ago I had a severe kidney stone side effect from taking it. I really dont want to damage my kidneys, or anything else, and I think right now would be the best time to get off this med before anymore time passes. I spoke to a pharmacist and he said to taper down 1 pill every other day for a few weeks. In my mind, that seemed to be too fast. So yesterday at my psychiatrist appointment, I asked for her input and she said I could just stop taking it. Absolutely no way am I doing that, and I honestly couldn't believe she recommended that knowing how sensitive I am to WD's, but then again...I dont think she even believes me about the WD's. 

 

Any ideas on how to taper from such a low dosage to avoid any prolonged WD symptoms? Thanks in advance

[scallywag]

The half-life of Topamax is 19-25 hours. Skipping a day when a medication has a short half-life sets up your CNS (central nervous system) to be a ping-pong ball getting batted about by bouncing doses.  It would be far better to take ½ doses every day than one full dose every day.

[Sean]

Thanks, scallywag ???? That makes perfect sense. These pills are really small, so it's hard to cut them in perfect halves. Is there a better way of doing this? I know the general rule for tapering is 10%...does that apply to topomax as well? And 4 weeks still seems too short of a taper...would you recommend longer or just one of those things where I should see how I feel at the 4week mark?

[scallywag]

Topamax is soluble in water, 9.8 mg per mL. You could dissolve one tablet in a measured volume of water, 10 ml or 20 ml, and take half the liquid one day and half the next.

Making a liquid from a tablet or capsules .

Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques].

 

Topamax is classified as an anticonvulsant medication. It acts on your CNS (central nervous system). It would be wise to treat it the same way as other neuro-active drugs: next dose no less than 90% of previous dose (max. 10% drop) and make changes once a month or longer.

[Sean]

Thank you so much, Scally!

 

I'm going to first see if I can get a compounding pharmacy to make a liquid and see if my insurance will cover it. If not, I'll just make it myself...I suck so bad at math so I'm a little nervous about it. Thanks again!

[Sean]

I notice any time I get sick (which is quite a bit sense we have a toddler in daycare), my symptoms get worse. Mainly depression and the thoughts of "I'm never going to get past this" creep in. Then when I get over my illness, I feel better. I've come to expect it now any time I get sick now. 

 

Hang in there!

[Cipramillion]

I have a cold/throat infection right now. Happened right after latest cut. My whole family got it, so prob not only WD. I feel like crap and symptoms get much worse. Just need to ride this out, and hopefully things settle down in a few days...

[Sean]

I'm not sure how, but I think Chochka 's thread got merged with this one. Just wanted an admin/mod to see it in case she may be wondering what happened to her thread

[scallywag]

Sean, thanks for letting us know. Sometimes members can't find their own intro topics and post in someone else's. After I know you've seen this post, I'll hide it and the previous one to maintain the flow of conversation.

[Sean]

No problem! Just wanted to make sure Chochka would be able to get some feedback to her questions