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  2. NeedMoreHope

    NeedMoreHope: Prozac

    Hi all, I had a wonderful 2 week window a few weeks ago, then everything came crashing back - bad. I've been holding for many months now and not much improvement. My body burns, I still have dreadful akathisia, and my depression is almost unbearable. When do we throw in the towel? I guess at some point you just think it would be better to be numb on more drugs than live like this. Will I ever stabilize? I fight everyday not going back to the hospital. But can they even help me? Oh, I need reassurance from anyone who has stabilized?
  3. We are a site dedicated to helping people safely taper off of psychiatric medication. Questions regarding increasing dosages and/or trying new medication should be discussed with your doctor. I agree. Making frequent changes does not give your system time to adjust.
  4. FireflyFyte

    Jaffa: Possibly late onset withdrawal

    You can talk to a neurologist but the effects of withdrawals do not present on MRIs. Great, taking a consistent dose should help you stabilize.
  5. jeffelmexicano

    jeffelmexicano: hello I'm new

    In my case not worth it even owner of site told me my case Is severe . Thanks anyway
  6. 54fiftyfour

    54fiftyfour: trazodone WD

    Thank you, @Hibari. My big problem is the impossibility to taper clonazepam becouse my symptoms are too high. At the same time, I feel that, also if I remain on clonazepam, I will continue to feel strongly symptomatic. I would need to get my mind free from this drug, but I can't proceed as quickly as you did, maybe becouse I'm more sensitized. And the effect on libido and sexual function are terrible to bear.
  7. What you said is exactly the same thought I had few weeks ago, which is when I was feeling better. That mindset is what I desperately want and need right now, but you know... it's just gone. Like it never was there before. I'm not explaining well again. But I am starting to feel better now. Hopefully good things will come back.
  8. Psychiatry forced me to disconnect psychologically and chemically from my real needs, feelings and emotions, so I couldn't meet my needs and find closure for my social, emotional and moral trauma, which aggravated, making me feel even more immoral. It is a moral and existential fight, in this society, for individual freedom, personal dignity and happiness, always has been and will be. And psychiatry is not there to help you, but to judge you and to suppress you. It always has been about finding the meaning behind my "immorality" feelings, emotions and psych pain, and getting moral and emotional support, about connecting with other human beings. I wasn't week, like psychiatry tells, I was weakened, by all the **** that happened to me, as @BaccatePlayer told me recently. I used to tell me that, to myself, when I was a teenager, but I forgot it. Psychiatry betrayed me, all of us. All of this is a massive, systemic, societal betrayal that we have experienced on a massive scale. It took me all these years to come to terms with it and start reprocessing it.
  9. But sometimes life can be worse than being dead (whatever that means, I cannot articulate now). That's how I always felt when I was younger. And now I know when a person feels that way - it is when there seems to be no way that things will ever get better.
  10. Today
  11. LotusRising

    jeffelmexicano: hello I'm new

    @jeffelmexicano I would encourage you to try to remain optimistic in your healing. There are many that have healed before you, or have made great strides in their path off medications. Yes, it is not an easy task, but I assure you, it is all worth it ❤️
  12. You're right. But no, it's not what I want nor what feels the easiest. It's the worst and the hardest at the same time. But sometimes my symptoms are just too horrible that it messes up with everything that's in my senses. Of course I think you already know what I'm trying to say. It's just that sometimes I cannot possibly escape from that fear, sometimes for too long. But now I have people around me who really wants to help me to get better. I've also seen so many good things that was hidden inside me. Those were so precious to me that it didn't feel real (Or maybe the opposite; the reoccuring bad memories didn't seem real at the beginning). So now I won't give up by any chance. Thank you, @BaccatePlayer.
  13. Hibari

    54fiftyfour: trazodone WD

    @54fiftyfour I get how fearful you are and how strong your belief is that everything is damaged permanently. I know that belief is strong. As someone who went through several withdrawals, including a cold turkey Lamictal withdrawal at the end of that taper, I too felt the same way. On top of that, you are in benzo withdrawal, which makes people believe that their life is over. That way of thinking is not your fault. It has to do with what benzos do to the brain. That changes when the brain heals. I'm not denying the temporary injury to your nervous system that occured from previous medication. That is why you are sensitized. So many people in this site and others get put on and off of multiple medications causing extra suffering. But people recover from it. Until you try a support group, you won't know what they offer. Yes, people in those groups are there because they are struggling but they also offer each other hope and encouragement. They are facilitated by people who are now off medication or healed enough to run the groups. They can offer hope because they have recovered. Your brain is not telling you the truth right now because you are on a medication that robs you of hope. The truth of how your life will be in the future is not available to you right now. But it is waiting for you. Hibari
  14. jeffelmexicano

    jeffelmexicano: hello I'm new

    Well i mentioned that considerring no one heal from benzo AND aps damage . Have some Time in this . When you pass a Threshold its over cant go back from this damage . Thats all . Ye suicide Is not good for family AND friends AND for one person . True . So need to keep living in damage like cripple for ever . Thats what life gives . What gonna do Is sad but it Is what it Is .
  15. 54fiftyfour

    54fiftyfour: trazodone WD

    @Hibari, you're right: my nervous system is extremely sensitized. In this moment (but I would say every day), I can't breath and have a lot of "electric" sensations and palpitations. Do you know why I'm without hope? Becouse it's the second time I fall in a kindling and depressive state. If you read my story, I had the first crash after using finasteride for hairloss and several antidepressants to try to cure my symptoms. This permanently damaged my mind and body, even if I had a lot of benefits from a therapy of testosterone injections for six weeks. It was 2009. This therapy reset a part of my epigenetic brain damage and reactivated several neurons, allowing me to live an accettable conditions. My nervous damage, however, was below and this was the reason for which, when nocturnal tremors in my neck/head and contractions to my leg's muscle flared up again in 2022, I stupidly decided to listen my med and take low dose of trazodone for 21 days. It was a suicide. I hurted my nervous system more and again. I had so intense symptoms of akathisia, agitation and total insomnia that I was forced to take clonazepam, destroying all my GABA receptor's system beyond the serotoninergic one. I can't imagine, with this premises, to have success in tapering clonazepam and reach again an accettable condition of health. I mean that the problem is not only to taper clonazepam, but also too many damages impossible to recover. Sometime I think to change benzodiazepine, switching to delorazepam, becouse I feel that clonazepam is devastating for my pudendal nerve and sexual function. I'm sure that, in this case, I would have a lot of adverse reactions, but I also suffer from PSSD and, with this problem, it's not good to mess with serotonin system as clonazepam does (it's the only benzo which acts as a serotonin agonist and I can feel it). As you can understand, this mess is not solvable, not even in the long run and, honestly, I realize every day it's too much for my capacity to resist, even if I try to get help from some benzo group. I could try to do it, but the risk, for me, is to be more depressed in spending time with persons who are suffering and can transmit me negative energy.
  16. I was trying to explain people there, when I was hospitalized, desperately, confused, totally emotionally overwhelmed, in my own way, trying to make myself to be understood, that no matter how, when or where, I always had felt immoral in my life, again and again, that that "it didn't make sense" (to me), specially during that stage of my life, because things were going pretty well (just before the postraumatic and moral crisis that lead to the involuntary hospitalization started), I was immerse in a postraumatic and moral crisis, and it was my extreme, twisted and trauma based moral identity what was making me have those excruciating and paralizing immoral feelings and emotions, so I was looking for moral and emotional support, validation, to overcome it, to feel "normal", "moral", safe, to find closure for my social, moral and emotional trauma, to feel and be fully "functional". They just couldn't see it, and they aggravated my problem, as much as they could, they victimized and traumatized me further, but also drugged me, so I emotionally disconnected for years from their further retraumatization and revictimized, from the psychiatric trauma and my original trauma, until I stopped taking the pills, when the chemical deception came to an end, then all the terror that I experienced since I was arrested and when I was locked down and before the psychiatric intervention, during that overwhelming and terrifying crisis, came back, and I couldn't make sense of it, I couldn't understand where it was coming from, because I had been disconnected ana chemically deceived, suffering medical spellbinding, for so long, for years, I couldn't understand nor accept that it was all just a cruel lie and that in reality my hunan rights had been violated, it was simply too much, still is. In the hospital I was locked up in a maximum security prison. Psychiatry destroyed my spirit there, it broke it. What happened to me 7 years ago was terrible. Psychiatry, while I was incarcelated and brutally oppressed and alienated, treated like a crazy criminal, deprived of my human rights, made me feel that there was something dangerous and uncontrollable inside of me, an evil force that completely possessed me and could return at any given moment, that my actions were illogical and that my personal needs and goals, thoughts and beliefs were illegitimate and absurd, illogical, pure MADNESS, that I had lost my mind and had gone CRAZY. My goal 8 years ago was to understand and overcome my "IMMORALITY" once and for all. To fin closure for my trauma, just that. And years later that narcissistic and abusive woman used the “mental health” stigma to break up with me while I was in withdrawal and extremely vulnerable, she reopened all those traumatic injuries, making me look and feel like a crazy, dangerous, out of control and immoral monster, inhuman, just like psychiatry did years back. By the time I left the hospital the damage had already been done. I really was desperate, because I at first thought that I could find what I needed inside of the armored doors of the hospital psychiatric ward. It's inhumane, all of this. Now is when I'm really facing it. I always tried to explain to them why I thought I always had felt immoral, but my psychiatrist basically thought I had been thinking too much and lost my mind, that's why he diagnosed me with "Pure O OCD". He pathologized me, without understanding me or acknowledging my struggles, he harmed me so much in a single month. Because all this, mainly, my postraumatic and moral crisis never ended, it became a chronic condition, a chronic mental and emotional state, even when I was drugged. Psychiatry interconnected and aggravated my traumas.
  17. 54fiftyfour

    54fiftyfour: trazodone WD

    @LotusRising, I talk with several persons who are close to me, but the symptom of strong depression is always present and doesn't leave me never alone. It's so strong that I think it seems a sort of living coma, an interruption of my neural circuits, a zombie state. Clonazepam make me feel depressed and anhedonic since the first day, but proceeding with my taper aggravated the intensity instead of attenuate it. I get out every day for working with a terrible fatigue and very low productivity. When I can, I forced myself to go out with friends for a walk or a dinner, but my state of sufference doesn't change and, sometime, it increases. For example, my anxiety, panic and depression enhance when I see the sun and happy people and I remember when I could feel the same emotions that now are nomore inside me. This is very terrible for me and makes me suicidal.
  18. BaccatePlayer

    mariamisery: Can I survive this withdrawal?

    The single dose caused immediate adverse reaction/kindling, but I've been on various meds for 3 years before that. I would say my symptoms are rather major, but I get your point. It is different for everyone, various lengths, severity of symptoms, amount of symptoms and wave-window pattern. I simply don't feel like it's close for me. Hopefully it is for you, I'm very happy you retain your faith in quicker recovery. If you needed anything, tag me here, DM me or post on my topic. You are very smart and insightful, there are many traps you were wise enough to avoid and your strength doesn't go unnoticed.
  19. Kai, you can always keep trying to build your dream life. Even if you fail in the end, at least you spent that time in hope and led by purpose. You can always get back to negative emotions, but would this benefit you? Is this what you want or is this what feels the easiest? Unresolved traumas are very common, you can work though them. When you saw the absolute bottom and survived, you know it can't be worse. You're very strong, remember.
  20. Everything good about life is gone. My body can breath better now, but my heart doesn't beat anymore. The good version of me is gone completely.
  21. You will recover with time. Just try not to act when you get the inevitable downward spirals.
  22. update: today 1 hour after I took the 6.6mg I had what I think is activation - anxiety, panic, jittery feelings, body shaking, nausea, dizziness, whole body went and weak - that lasted 1.5 hours. seems like the dose is high for me even though it is 0.2mg change. will go back to 6.4mg
  23. Melissa Boutilier once mentioned she was in a video group chat with people at a similar point in their journey. There was always someone online. You could jump in and back out if it was too much. Even if it was just crying together. Supporting each other. I'd need something like that but guess it can't be forced. Needs to grow naturally.
  24. DustyMoon13

    DustyMoon13: citalopram

    I am reading my last post and I'm thinking... How could that of been written less that 3 weeks ago? It freaks me out how I can't measure time properly at the moment. I feel like that was written months ago. Right now the days are happier and I feel stronger. I also feel like I can easily fall. It's like the moment I notice I am feeling good is the same moment I realise I'm just balancing and there's a 70ft drop behind me and I just have to put one foot out of place to fall back into it. It's okay, I'm okay, things are going okay. Oh and hormones... Please for the love of God leave me alone. It's enough to go through withdrawl but then you also have a uterus. I'm lucky my husband is trying to understand me. We both know he doesn't understand but the attempt to understand and the comfort he trys to provide is helpful. I say attempt because i cannot physically be comforted and I cannot be emotionally comforted but having somebody stay with me and attempt to comfort me while I momentarily freak out is appreciated after the fact. After I've calmed down a bit I see the love he is giving me and I am so lucky.
  25. On another note, I am wondering if my 1 mg. Sertraline will keep improving over the course of six weeks like they say the so-called "real doses" do?
  26. Hi Peter Thank you so much for taking the time to write me, and I am so sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. It just is not fair. Are you out of the psychiatric ward now? I hope so. ❤️ I hope things will improve for you too. Soon, but slowly. 🙂 The moderators have been great. I feel safe in here.
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