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  2. Thanks, but I am screwed. i’m suffering from neurotoxicity and I mean there is no going back fram that. https://www.hormonesmatter.com/brain-long-term-lexapro-chemically-induced-tbi/
  3. hey everyone, i wanted to check in here with an update. before i get into the status of my taper, i'll talk about a medical thing that happened to me a week ago yesterday because it is pertinent to a degree i guess. after recently coming down with what amounted to a cold virus mixed with seasonal allergies, i started feeling some ear pain last saturday. i have a fairly high threshold for pain and this was intense enough that i decided to seek medical treatment at an urgent care walk-in clinic. the clinic told me that my left ear appeared infected, that the eardrum was bulging, and they prescribed me antibiotics. i haven't had an antibiotic in 20 years and have known some people in withdrawal react poorly to them. but i was in enough discomfort that i filled the prescription for them. that evening, the pain intensified and at about 11:45pm, i felt this bubbling sensation in my ear and some fluid came out. the pain dissipated fairly quickly, but so did my hearing. i lost all hearing in my left ear. that was really frightening. the hearing loss in that ear is still complete. my ear bled each night for the two nights that followed. i had a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician three days later who said "with a suspected eardrum rupture, i am usually looking for the rupture. in your case, i am looking for your eardrum." apparently most eardrum ruptures that are simply ruptures will heal on their own. mine is apparently going to require surgery as the eardrum blew to pieces from the pressure. i have an appointment this coming thursday with a specialist who will give me the rundown of what needs to happen and hopefully i'll eventually get some or all of the hearing back in that ear. everything is surreal with only one ear operable. funny sidenote: my doctor also joked, "you've been coming to me for 17 years. why can't you ever come in with something simple? it's always intense with you. prolonged withdrawal syndrome, blown eardrums, etc. etc. how about coming in to have a sliver removed sometime?" a couple cool things about all this. first, i took the antibiotic - a 5 day course of zithromax (z-pack) - with no negative implications. i am taking a probiotic as i know the antibiotic kills bacteria, both good and bad, indiscriminately. also, despite the truly scary symptoms of this rupture - complete deafness in the left ear, tinnitus in that same ear, some facial numbness, and some headaches and localized ear pain, i've been able to remain emotionally centered. that is something i would have never dealt with while on psychotropic medication, and in more intense periods of withdrawal i don't think i would have dealt well either. so while none of this is pleasant and a whole lot of it is freaky, i feel equipped and confident to deal with it. the prospect of surgery and the unknown of local or general anesthesia is daunting, but again, i feel hopeful that i can deal with it. i am on my last dose of mirtazapine. i am at .05mg. i'm not going to make the jump until this medical thing w/ the ear is behind me, so unsure when. but i have always tried to refrain from cuts or changes when life has been difficult or thrown curveballs, so holding now seems intuitive, and i will. i'd probably be ok to jump, but why risk it when it took me this long to get this far and i'm doing alright? so, that is the update from me. @shawny, thank you for checking in. @Hopefull, i saw you made the jump - so incredibly proud of you. and i hear you on the weight stuff. mirtazapine is so bad with that. i've gained some myself which i attribute to both the mirtazapine and the fact that i am in my mid-40s, so hormones are changing. @everyone, best wishes and hang in there. with solidarity, dave
  4. What time of the day do you take your supplements? Please make a list with the name, dose, and time of day for the supplements and your Ativan. Which day of the week do you get the IV B12? Does that ramp up any of your symptoms?
  5. Shep

    Stall: greetings

    An "anxiety disorder" falls under the concept of "chemical imbalance". This is the disease model of so-called "mental illness" and has been discredited. Human pain exists. Trauma exists. Nutritional deficiencies exist (such as low vitamin D and B12). Grief exists. But anxiety and depression as a "disorder" have never been proven and the fact that psychiatry has driven this theory for so long, it has kept many people from getting the treatment for the root cause of their suffering. And instead, psychiatry simply markets drugs that numb us to our pain. We live in a very fast-paced society with a toxic consumer culture, and most of us are struggling just to keep up. That's not a disease of the individual, but a sign that our culture could use improving. Please see: Again, chemical imbalance is a myth. Stop the lies, please. Before the use of these drugs, the outcomes were better. These kinds of symptoms were self-limiting in nature and would pass. The drugs made them chronic. For more: History We Can’t Overlook Anymore: Details Before the Anti-Depressant Era There's been scientific research that explains how the drugs take a temporary state of human distress and turn it chronic: Now Antidepressant-Induced Chronic Depression Has a Name: Tardive Dysphoria Anxiety and depression as "disorders" have been differentiated in some part, due to the pharmaceutical campaigns for various drugs. For instance, some SSRIs such as Paxil were marketed to sell "social anxiety" as a disease, even though Paxil is an antidepressant. Have you read Robert Whitaker's work? This book explores a lot of these issues and provides the scientific research to back up his thesis: Anatomy of an Epidemic A short book trailer video: Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video (11 minutes) Do you feel more anxious after taking your morning and afternoon drugs? If so, you may want to space the Buspar two hours away from the other drugs. Some of the anxiety may be coming from the interaction and a two hour space between may help with that. The gentlest way to do this is by moving the Buspar one hour a day. So in two days you'll have it moved. Mindfulness exercises like body scanning are some of the best ways to deal with anxiety. Scroll down in this thread and you'll find a number of links for meditation and mindfulness: Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn is a regular go-to for people going through withdrawal, especially his body scan: Jon Kabat Zinn Body Scan Meditation GUIDED MEDITATION video (45 minutes) And breathing exercises are also very helpful: The Breathing Space by Jon Kabat Zinn video (4 minutes) If you have a therapist you like who teaches these skills, that can be very helpful. Yes, right here in your thread is perfect. Please continue to post your journal, especially if you decide to space out the Buspar. Please let us know how you're doing over the coming days.
  6. Dear composter, I have a wonderful support system. Husband and understanding family. Even an acknowledging doctor. Does nothing when it gets that bad... Cannot updose. I react extremely to dose changes. It almost killed me in late November.
  7. Today
  8. Distraction helps the most, especially during when the withdrawals are the most intense. Being alone, outside among nature... Being alone with yourself I found to be important, as the withdrawals forces you to face your traumatic past more than ever.
  9. Maca44

    Chris: Story And Lexapro Withdrawal

    I totally understand the times when my mind is so badly turning on itself that not matter what you try nothing works and you think it will never end, but as you know, it does end. Its finding that balance of focusing on other things and focusing on how we feel which allows recovery.
  10. Sorry to hear that! I was just thinking how you felt better the other day despite the cut. Do you think that this wave is worse from the waves you had before the cut? Somehow I didn't go back in dose if I was a week after a cut thinking my brain has already made some adjustments and looking at symptoms as signs of healing. Give it a few days and see how it goes. If you decide to updose try not to go to the previous dose but somewhere half way. It gets better! Xxxx
  11. Hi Vonne, I'm doing a LOT better - thank you. I'd actually forgotten I'd written the last post, I was so dissociated; so I didn't realise to update once I started to feel better. The "bad" symptoms lasted around one week, and I started to get pockets of normality after 2 weeks. I'm still slightly depressed, though nothing I can't handle. Excercise is helping, though I tend to over-do it and knacker myself for a few days someties. I'm staying on the same dose for a good while longer. I can't risk my mood dropping right now as I have lots of changes afoot (job interviews/moving house/work committments). Thank you so much for asking. X
  12. powerback

    powerback: tapering no 2

    Ok thanks alto. I have constant suicide ideation and strong depression lately. Im exhausted ,im needing to sleep during the day . Ye tension in my shoulders and neck is severe lately.too tired to get out for a massage and I must get a foam roller. Take care.
  13. Soft cell. There are many of us on Facebook for social support This site is the best place for medical questions and to keep your daily symptoms but to just vent this Facebook group is great. https://www.facebook.com/groups/204732929546136/?ref=share
  14. Ok, am gonna post something positive instead of ruminating. Or rather, am gonna ruminate on good things. I realise I need to change the channel at times. Here are some of the things that have gone well since updosing to 10mg last August. 1. Have started a new part-time, permanent teaching job.Most days, I manage to get to it. 2. I have a really caring boss, to whom I've managed to speak really candidly lately about what's going on for me. I have school's support. 3. Have taken the positive step of reaching out on this forum. 4. Have a steady workout routine of 2x running and 2x strength training per week. 5. I've mostly eliminated 'added sugar' from my diet, and gluten, occasional treats allowed. 6. I've opened up to friends about current struggle. Am still seeing friends, even if I don't feel great. 7. Have quit alcohol, was only ever an occasional drinker anyway but have realised in my current condition, it causes me to crash. Proud of myself for this. 8. Have eliminated a particularly toxic 'relationship' from my life. 9. Have moved into my own housing association place and have nearly finished furnishing it. Got some veggies growing in the communal garden, and some sunflowers sprouting out the front. 10. Started counselling with school kids, in spite of my own struggles, and am really seeing it have a positive impact. 11. I can still laugh at ridiculous things. 12. Some days, I actually feel happy and content. A glimmer of my truer nature coming through. I think I'm gonna print this out and stick it where I can see it every day. An insight; yesterday, I was remembering how, even when I started taking ads in 2008, I still had windows and waves when settling. I didn't really settle on them for about a year- who knows if that was the drugs, or if that was just my anxiety/depression lifting of its own accord. Probably a bit of both. They largely worked because I believed they would. Now I have to invest that belief in myself and my own capacity to heal.
  15. Regarding your title “sas” you do look after people with your kind words so ‘SA’ would be appropriate my friend
  16. It's not fair, Rosetta. All best wishes to you. You are holding in there really well- though it is exhausting, I know. Neroli 💜
  17. I met my husband when we worked together I was 19. We got married when I was 25 had two children a boy and a girl who are now 30 and 32. The daughter is having her first baby in July so I’m going to be a nan for the first time. Something I was always looking forward to being a nan but this wd is brutal and has suppressed all my emotions . But not forever !! Anyway my husband and I were together 36 years . I was happy. Then 6 years ago my best friend died of breast cancer her children were 8 and 12 at the time and I helped their dad look after them. Long story short we fell in love and I separated from my husband . But the guilt remains and I am finding it so hard to get on with my life as my husband is a good man . I still try and do family things together with the children and my husband. Think the wd accentuates the guilt unbearably at times for me. My story in a nutshell.
  18. Andie

    Tips for tapering off Pristiq (desvenlafaxine)

    How are you coming along on your liquid Pristiq Liz? The Pharmacy I use are investigating if they can make my medication in liquid form. If they can obtain the raw Desvenlafaxine power they may be able to do it.
  19. Andie

    Cabinhope: Willing to begin

    It’s so much easier to taper small doses using a liquid, you can measure out minuscule amounts. It is even better if you can get a proprietary formulation so you know it’s been tested for stability etc. I don’t know much about antidepressants in liquid form as here in Australia as we don’t have access to them, but I wish we did! Can you mention to your Doctor that you haven’t had your liver or kidney function tested? Your Doctor should know the specific lab work required.
  20. Hi There Thanks for for stopping by my thread. I just had had a quick read through your thread. I too was suffering from runs of really uncomfortable SVT and it was the cardiologist that wanted me off the Pristiq ASAP. The Cardiologist I saw mentioned he had seen many patients on SNRIs and SSRIs suffering from SVT, but when I mentioned this to my Psychiatrist he said he has never heard of this. I am hoping with time we will all recover. The SVT has definitely calmed down a lot since I have reduced the dose.
  21. Hello Carmie, I'm new (ish) to this site. Actually, I've been lurking since September 2018, but only made a profile and started posting this month. I just wanna say that your positivity really inspires me. Thank you, wishing you well. Ruth xxx
  22. Can't wait to hear about the bird park!
  23. Hi LRH Quick reply will send more later today. Have not heard from Anna I hope that is good news. Also hope everything goes ok at the hospital today. Can see why you could not bear to let Georgie girl go The eyes say everything and she really doesn't look comfortable in that bed😁l send you some pics of ours today. You seem to be looking after everyone else don't forget to look after yourself Catch you later bye SA help stuck here now
  24. @Altostrata just an update of my situation. I'm still holding the 10mg dose. I have not taken any other drugs to assist with withdrawals full stop, Only use the Magnesium and fish oil.. just want to keep things as clear and simple as possible for as long as I can. So 7 months now and my symptoms remain. Symptoms are constantly fluctuating in severity and unpredictable episodes. They are to long to list . Mostly it was physical, but some now are brain related. Anxiety is now a regular occurrence and agoraphobia is appearing. Repetitive pointless thoughts and fear also. Sleep more difficult these days. I would say waves are getting stronger and longer. Windows do appear, but they always did. I feel I'm in some super slow motion withdrawal, yet to reach a plateau.
  25. Sending you healing energy, Carmie. I hope you find relief very very soon. You are always looking out for others. I'm so happy to see you putting yourself first. 💖
  26. Such a tough day. Fatigue, legs, anxiety up at max. Just hanging out waiting for the day to end and hope that tomorrow is a bit better. Grateful that I have people I can talk to about this. If this goes on for a few more days, I'll re-instate the Nortriptyline I dropped last Monday. Just feeling like I'll never get off these drugs or get my legs back. Maybe reduce a little but not a snowball's chance in hell of getting off them totally.
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