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Hello @Onmyway, I work out regularly and am at a healthy weight. I stopped my taper 5 days ago and am still experiencing monstrous insomnia with little to no relief. Do you know how long it takes to stabilize when stopping a trazodone taper? I also increased my dose by 5%, so I'm holding at 70% of my original dose. Much obliged, AA 2015-2020 Wellbutrin 150-300mg - Cold turkey 2004-2022 Citalopram 20mg - 1 year taper 2014-present Trazodone 25mg-50mg - tapering 10% per month - paused

I'm getting deeper and deeper into my "psychosocial", moral and emotional issues. I realize now that I've been trying to be person that I need to be to survive in my relational environment instead of trying to be myself, since 2017 this is in big part due to Sertraline, it made me disconnect to myself so the only thing I had to do was to fit in because there wasn't moral inner-external conflict in my chemically suppressed/altered mind. I always have felt so immoral, extremely, feeling in this horrible moral loop, dominated by my trauma-based and tyrannical moral identity, expect for a couple of years of my life or maybe just months. When I was 19-20 I was feeling bad again, immoral, for no logical reason to me back then, I realized that my issues were deeper than I thought, that they were life long, and I basically wanted to avoid getting stuck into my moral loop once more, I wanted to overcome that danger once for all, in other words, I wanted to feel a moral, valuable and worthy person having my own personal moral system based in a meaningful and non pathologizing perspective on my moral injuries, complex moral trauma and conflict. I had a way out of all this moral, mental, social and emotional hell, to finally find closure, peace and move foward in my life, but then psychiatry's criminal intervention happened and it devastated me, it caused havoc in my mind and life even if I didn't realize it back then, it made feel absolutely immoral and criminal, like a monster, inhuman, and completely demoralized me, then it brainwashed me and indoctrinated in its intoxicating moral system and ideas when I was unable to defend myself, in crisis, totally overwhelmed, making me feel, think and belief that I had gone insane, it deeply traumatized me, it terrified me, so I wasn't able to face my moral issues for a long time because of the fear of being arrested, locked down and revictimized again by psychiatry, I couldn't either, because I was drugged, chemically disconnected and emotionally dissociating due to the intensity of the psychiatric trauma, and I forgot all this, everything, at least what I knew back then which in retrospective I think it was more than enough.

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Exactly my thoughts. Keep going Dahlia, nothing to lose anyways.

@BaccatePlayerThank you so much, it means a lot to me when I know how much suffering you too are going through. What you say always makes sense, I wish I could reason like you.🙏😊

Good luck with your own recovery too! 😁

That really clicked for me now when I needed hope. Thanks @wantrelief for bringing others light and I wish @gentlehermione lots of resilence too!

Day 12. Erectile dysfunction cycles through better and worse every few days but I think things are slowly improving. Still have a massive headache and stinging eyes, but note this could easily be the TWO INFECTIONS I've gotten 💀ear infection and yet another cold. It's just been cold after cold for the last 2 months. Hope it warms up soon and I can finally get a break. It's difficult to tell how much/little things have changed with the withdrawals and these bugs affecting me simultaneously.

Hi Sonia! Yes, we totally understand what you're going through and how it's even too difficult to put it into words for anyone outside who haven't gone through this. You will be healed and in power to do all these things. Now rest, just let everything happen. If you stop worrying, your brain will have one thing less to do and would be able to work on your symptoms. Sorry for your husband and I hope your mom will understand. The minutes are passing and those minutes you no longer have to face again.

@BaccatePlayer How are you doing? Sounds like you've been through a lot recently. I'm not much good at giving advice but I'm a good listener. You've helped so many people, just wish I could do more to help you.🙏😊

@mariamiseryHi Maria, just wondering how your breathing is now, are you any better?

@BaileyI've been reading your beautiful prayers, I just want to say I'm sorry you are still suffering, I too will pray for you🙏😊

Hi to anyone who reads, For the last few days I have been feeling depressed as soon as waking up in the morning, fear takes over and I dread getting up. I'm tearful a lot, feeling there is no hope, I struggle to carry on normally. My husband is going through withdrawal too but won't accept it or talk about it so I cannot talk to him about the way I feel. He also has insomnia and he paces around all night, in pain, discomfort, I hear his groans. I feel so alone with this, thank God for this site! Yesterday I thought I'd try knitting again, haven't done so in four months, just needed a distraction. It started off really good but kept at it for too long, at the end of two hours I was nauseous and dizzy which lasted all evening. Not sure if I should try again. I need to do more for my elderly mother but cannot and I feel really bad about this. I ring her every evening but she doesn't understand how I feel or why, her constant questioning annoys me and I cannot help but feel frustrated by it, I actually dread ringing her but it upsets me to feel this way. If only she could understand, listen and be a friend. I read others stories here and it upsets me, many worse off than me, I wish I could offer words of comfort to everyone but I feel inadequate to do so a lot of the time. Sorry for the rant but I'm hoping I can read back on this one day and think "thank God I don't feel like that anymore". I hope everyone here is getting the support they need from family and friends. Thank you SA.🙏😊

By the looks of most threads, people do not seem to recover at all. I'm throwing in the towel.

I get hives, foggy brain, weird throat sensations(feels tight and painful). My brain also feels inflamed at times and trying to work out if it happens after eating certain foods. I have a lot of other symptoms which seem to come and go very often.

Thanks @Emonda! I will have a read of these areas. Best wishes

Hi @gentlehermione, I am so sorry you are still in the thick of it. From everything I've read and heard, cycling through symptoms is a sign your brain is healing, that this is the brain trying to find its way to normalcy. Even when it feels like you are going backwards or worsening, it is actually healing happening. As paradoxical as it sounds and feels, it kind of makes sense to me. I came upon this video today and found it helpful. I know how awful it is to keep doing this day after day after day and how hard it is to feel hope when you are feeling so utterly miserable and far from yourself. I hope the testimonies in the video help you feel a bit of hope.💖

@Emonda Thank you!

Yes, it is quite stubborn. I reckon I take ~60 seconds and do the best that I can. Same. With dessert spoons, you can easily see how fine you've managed to get the powder.

@BaileyI'm praying for you right now, sweetheart. Know that God is right there with you holding you up with his strength. Father God, bless Bailey and make your presence known to her. Let her feel your peace in her mind and heart. Your child, Bailey is crying out to you, Lord, calm her nervous system with your peace that surpasses all understanding. Give her rest Lord, that she may be still and know that you are God❤️

Thank you @Emonda! I ended up ordering some 30 ml cup (could not find a 20ml cup) with a lid so I can shake the Trintellix powder with water. I spent about an hour looking a pill crushers but none convinced me. I will use the two-spoon method and using the paper as a funnel. And with the syringes I purchased, I will either fill the syringe from the cup with the mix of water and the medication or extract the mix from the cup using the needle the syringe comes with. I did do a practice run with crushing the pill. I did notice the outside shell of the pill does not like to be crushed so hopefully when I shake it in the cup, it dissolves completely.

I will do. Thank you for all your help 🌺

Hey @BrokenWings I'm wondering how you are. I'm wondering about the repercussions from this long w/d that we've been on. Has it affected your relationships? your work? your involvement in life? I feel like there are a lot of broken pieces around me. All my best to you as always, Arbor

What is the supplement??

Thank you very much. This was the answer I was looking for.