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  1. Today
  2. Probably good sign. Homogenization suggests your symptoms are coming to an end. Neutral at worst, but still not worth fixating on that. Just keep going and in a few weeks you'll see where it brought you with likely a more defined answer. Mood is very powerful. It fluctuates a lot from the inside, so you may feel confused. It will eventually find your stable sense of self, but right now don't get sucked into it because these are temporary jumps. You are a subject of constant changes and this is similair to watching partially painted nail - it looks odd, right? Like it didn't make sense, but when it's fully painted it looks solid again.
  3. Doctorsrcrap

    Doctorsrcrap: can't cry and frustrated

    Ive had an mri on my back and they found nothing
  4. Xcaretuk

    Xcaretuk: Kindled and Petrified

    Thanks Emonda for your quick response. Yes it’s an immediate release tablet. Yes you’re right about the scale I think my husband says it only goes to 0.001g. Thanks for your thoughts. Would we be correct to assume when you add the 10ml of water to the crushed tablet in the syringe does the tablet fully dissolve and the volume of water/solution remains at 10ml ? We just wish to take a tiny bit off to see if it will relieve the pain as it’s been everyday for over 4 months. 🙏
  5. Jaffa

    Doctorsrcrap: can't cry and frustrated

    @Doctorsrcrap ❤️
  6. Mamgu

    Mamgu: reducing citalopram

    So I survived Metal March (3 gigs in the end, not bad for someone who rarely goes out these days 😂). In terms of the squeezies, it was all OK. I noted there's a certain tone at live music gigs that when played, drives through me and it feels as though I'm being knocked over. I never had anything like that before withdrawing from Citalopram so totally putting it down to that. It's fleeting and I rationalise the experience, before long I'm back in the zone 🙂 I feel OK to continue the tapering now so here goes......
  7. Hi Momiki - I was really sad to read this, I hoped the year long hold was enough and you'd be able to chip away at the dose levels 😞. I'm so sorry this is your experience, it's just not fair. What is good though, is your attitude - of course you're going to feel bummed, but you are looking at the positives of holding for a longer time. I think it's crucial to have a life amidst the dramas of this process and you being able to focus on your mental and physical wellbeing is important. So I wanted to say, although it's a rubbish situation, well done for being as positive as you are and for looking after yourself Also, you're right 20mg to 1.2mg isn't to be sniffed at - well done. Who knows what the future will hold for you, maybe when it's time to start recommencing the dose drops, you'll find it much easier 🤞 Stay strong and be happy ❤️ x
  8. Emonda

    Xcaretuk: Kindled and Petrified

    Hi Xcaretuk, Sorry to hear you've had a bad day. The logic is reasonable, and it is certainly a very slow start to tapering. It's prudent to carefully test the waters. My only question is will your scale measure accurately to that level? I can't remember if I told you, but this is what I do: Crush a tablet between two spoons. Then, pulverise it into fine powder using the tip of one spoon against the other spoon. Add the contents into a large syringe, Add 10ml of water and shake vigorously, Extract what I don't need with a 0.5ml syringe (buy them online and remove the needle). If you were to test the water with a 2% reduction, you'd remove 0.2ml. I reckon it'd be too hard to reduce by less unless you added more water, say, 20ml. Drink the remaining liquid from the large syringe, then fill it with water again and drink that too, just in case something was left behind. Can your tablets be crushed and converted to liquid? My copy of the Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines says that Paroxetine immediate release tables can be mixed with water. Are your tablets immediately release? I'm not a doctor nor a compounding chemist...I'm just letting you know what works for me. You need to make your own decisions with this. You could use a compounding chemist, although it would significantly increase the cost of the medication for you. Also, from memory, LostinCanada found her compounding chemist prepared doses varied by +-10%. I'm sure LostinCanada may have some wisdom from personal experience with this drug when it's daytime on her side of the world. I hope this helps. Emonda
  9. All the negative aspects of my past life are trying to come back to me, even the things I thought I had forgotten.
  10. I no longer want to live with this wickedness. I want to live for the love of nature, and the nature of love. I don't want to twist anything anymore.
  11. Xcaretuk

    Xcaretuk: Kindled and Petrified

    @LostInCanada@LotusRising@Emonda Hi, I have had a shocking day for nerve pain yet again in my forehead and back of eyes. My husband and I after looking back on your suggestions are thinking of reducing the dose by 1mg over a month ( to be on the safe side) to see if that would help a little. We are thinking of the following steps: 1. Weigh the tablet (20mg) in solid form. 2. Crush the tablet into a powder 3. Remove the required amount of powder for that days dosage for example day 1 of a 30 day month would be 1/30 of 1mg (0.033). 4. Dispense powder into a glass of water stirring waiting for it to dissolve. 5. Once dissolved drink all water with dissolved tablet inside. 6. Then refill the glass with water and drink it to ensure all powder has been taken. 7. The next day remove 2/30 (.066mg) of 1mg and the follow above steps. By the end of the month we would have reduced the dosage by 1 mg. Does this sound correct to you? Thank you so much again for all your help. We are so grateful.
  12. What can we do if there is nothing left to love about? I don't think I've ever felt this bad during the whole withdrawal (but obviously I don't remember any of those moments, so it's always the 'worst', but this time it really is just horrible). How naive was I? I thought I was almost healed. I thought I could live this way and see the future. I thought my symptoms were much less severe than others.
  13. I have been trying to solve my moral, social and emotional problem for more than 8 years without anyone's moral support, on my own, alone. I didn't have success but I always had all the will and I still do, it's just that my spirit is depleted, tired, it has been since I was hospitalized. But I see more clearly than ever the meaning and purpose behind my actions and needs, my objectives. That's what I lost at the hospital, the logic behind my actions, the purpose, the meaning, I was forced to left behind all those things in order to escape that horrible place, because I was brutally oppressed, gaslighted, pathologized, stigmatized, alienated, separated from the rest of the world, in an unfamiliar place, in a max security prison, and then drugged. The drug was the only thing that could really stop me from meeting my real and desperate needs and achieving my legitimate objectives, and those bastards used it to make me go back to "normal", forcibly, to make me disconnect from my true emotions, feelings and true self, to change my logical, understandable and meaningful human reactions. They're so insane and harmful.
  14. What is this? I thought I was healing. Now my 'symptoms' doesn't even seem to match with that classic windows and waves pattern. In fact that's how I've been feeling for a while... All I can think of is that my terrible past memories are coming back more alive (my poor vocabulary won't let me use other word than just 'past memories') and starting to torture me as it always did before. I was feeling much better until a month ago. I felt I was healing. I felt so much promise in my life. But ever since I've been starting to remember more about my past, my life has been nothing else but a torture for me. Now I am here, immensely suffering, only to remember how terrible my life has been. What a torture my life was.
  15. Hi there. Sorry to see you are having a rough time. Full moon times affect me so this past week I have had similar stuff going on. I try to lay low and rest until it passes. Hope to see you on the mend soon. 😊
  16. Jaffa

    Doctorsrcrap: can't cry and frustrated

    It seems that it does according to Alto who mentions b12 and fish oil in a post about preparing for psych drug withdrawal. That said, in my humble opinion, if you are eating well and getting good quality red meat and green veg, nuts and seeds and good fibre then vitamin deficiency shouldn't be too bad. I'm more inclined to think this is nerve pain but you could carefully try some vitamins to see if they help. Tumeric in large doses has some effect on inflammation. Have you tried an anti -inflammatory diet? Have you ever tried a ketogenic diet which is also anti inflammatory? Have a look at the work of Dr Chris Palmer. Just checking - is menopause or peri menopause a possibility. ? Please please hold on. I'm sure this is excruciating. Have you sought a second opinion ? Does the pain prevent you from sleeping? Im so sorry @Doctorsrcrap. I wish I could be more helpful.
  17. So is yours. Some days harder to be positive but this is what we have to work with…
  18. Drugs are just to run away from reality, pain and problems, that's what I did with Sertraline.
  19. I am sorry to read you're back in a wave, my friend. Your attitude is amazing, LostinCanada. Time and continued patience...
  20. Crochet

    Lecithin / phosphatidylcholine

    In 2023 I started taking high dose fish oil supplements and wheat germ oil. Within a week, I stopped waking up with fear moving through my body. This would happen during the night-time and upon waking in the morning. It was such a relief to not experience intense fear every day! Recently, I decided to try to dropping wheat germ oil and the waking fear came back. I think I might just stay on this supplement for the rest of my life! Anyway, I wondered why it had such an impact, so I did some looking. I'm undergoing something called the shoemaker protocol to treat chronic inflammatory response syndrome and came across this lecture on youtube: CIRS: Biotoxin Treatment Protocol - An Integrative Model (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dPNjLhe2OY&t=684s) There is a slide that speaks to Neurolipid Therapy: “Phosphatidylcholine - repairs outer membrane and double lipid bilayer of mitochondria 1.8 grams BID Balance Oil 7:1 ratio Omega 6/3 - improve membrane fluidity Butyrate - SCFA beta oxidation of abnormal and long chain fats to ‘burn off’ from membrane Wheat Germ Oil - contains structural lipids to strengthen membrane" It sounds like Phosphatidylcholine and other supplements help to repair and strengthen cell membranes. There are communities out their doing this kind of therapy. I've seen it referred to as lipid replacement therapy, phospholipid therapy, and plasmalogen therapy. I've heard there are some facebook groups, but I haven't had a chance to check them out. I was already taking omegas 6's and 3's, wheat germ oil and butyrate, so I decided to add Phosphatidylcholine since they all have different functions. My sleep has improved. I used to wake up frequently in the middle of the night and then spend an hour or two before falling back asleep. I now still wake up in the middle of the night, but fall back to sleep easily. I currently take: Omaprem (green lipid mussel) - 2 capsules twice per day Biomega 500 - 3 capsules once per day Standard Process Wheat Germ Oil - 1 capsule twice per day BodyBio Sodium Butyrate - 1 capsule twice per day BodyBio PC (Phosphatidylcholine) - 1/2 teaspoon twice per day Hoping this info might help someone as much as it helped me!
  21. No one ever understood that my problem was trauma, my moral, relational and emotional injuries, what made me have all these reactions and be "dysfuntional", so because I lacked other's understanding I lacked other's moral and emotional support as well, and I had to face my moral, emotional and relational problem and trauma always on my own, alone. I need to recover the person I was before the psychiatric intervention, even if it needs to be updated, I need to recover my old and true identity. I'm slowly realizing what my old self wanted and needed, his objectives, etc, the more I reconnect with myself, the more I understand my true feelings and emotions. This society is emotionally stupid, so disconnected, some people calls it the emotional dark age.
  22. Tale

    Tale: My story

    This is awful. If only I could cut the nerves that connect my ears to my brain I could at least live in peace. But I have the worst neighbors that just keep dragging all their furniture every day all day long. It is 1 am and they keep making the loudest noise. What is wrong with them? This is unbearable. Most withdrawal symptoms are fine. This is just torture. Every time, I feel an intense feeling in my chest telling me to run away, but it is 1 am and if I leave my parents will be extremely worried. So I have no way to escape. So I am just traumatizing myself everyday and I don't want to do this anymore. I want to leave. What is the point of living like this? It's been months of the same everyday. How can sound hurt this much? Nothing helps. Nothing. I've tried everything except more drugs and I don't want to ever touch those things ever again. I just stay all day in bed covering my ears. My arms and ears hurt from doing that and it doesn't even stop the insanely loud noise they make. This is not living. What am I supposed to do? Keep living like I am about to die everyday for who knows how long? All while making my parents extremely worried about me? How am I going to heal under this amount of stress? I have no friends. No future. People told me I was very smart and I would do great things in life. I was so close to finishing university and I don't think it is possible without my arms. All my dreams have gone away just because of human greed. Gotta love it. I am not sure I will survive. Now I get the name of this forum.
  23. Yesterday
  24. I wouldn't. When you get to the really low doses the changes in the brain are much more profound. Everyone gets the temptation to go faster when things are going well, the important part is resisting the urge. I would go down to at least 0.1mg before considering jumping.
  25. I need to recover my spirit, my morale, my passion, my energy, all that I lost at the hospital, in 2017, and that got replaced by that false synthetic mental and emotional state. I lost all meaning when the psychiatric intervention happened and I got drugged.
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