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  2. @Sassenach : first, thank you. I know how busy you are here. Everytime I read you, it helps me calm down. I know I have To learn To calm down myself. I'm trying a lot of tips. But it doesn't always work, especially when the émotion comes in a such violent wave and explode. I thought I would get used To this intensity, but no. It is like a terror, but a despair one. Plus, I'm used To calmer evenings. And this strong feeling of "everything Will get worse and you Will never Feel Well again" is the one with wich I really struggle for AAF. Well at least I'm not worried about constancy now I know that my émotions can still get so extrême. We look after each others : thank you for looking after me. And, most of all : a big, huge thank you for your last sentence " You are getting better". I'm so unable To see the big picture tonight, it is incredibly important To read this To try To not drown ❤ Have a Nice evening Sass. (Actually I can Feel hope : hoping you're doing ok and that all your work here doesn't impact your mood.)
  3. I wanted to confirm if Cipralex (lexapro) contains any antihistamine properties. But, I'm unable to locate this information. Does anyone know if Cipralex/lexapro contains antihistamines? Or how to find this information? Thanks!
  4. Gemma92

    Gemma92: severely kindled

    It has been about a month since I have been on the 11mg of Mirtazapine. I have absolutely no concept of time so these months seem to fly by fairly quickly. I have been playing some video games at night. I still remember all the controls which is surprising considering all the drug changes I have had and that I am on the most powerful antihistamine out there. I still have constant psychotic fears and paranoia. It dies down at night but I am left with zombie like emotions. I tried watching some cartoons and just can't feel any emotions. If the character died I would feel nothing but emptiness. Anhedonia may be the worst symptom out there... I have been on a diet for about 2 weeks or so now. I cut out all sugar, gluten, grains, and dairy. I have been drinking fruit and veggie smoothies everyday. I am still waiting for a window. If it's only a 1 minute window that will make me so happy.
  5. InChristAlone

    InChristAlone

    I’m going to ask a question today that there may not be a good answer to, but here it is. Since I went into Lexapro poopout, and then was put on Effexor and Klonopin, how does this effect my recovery process. I mean, what have we seen in people who are in poopout on an ssri and then placed on a snri and benzo? I’m kind of wondering what my body is going through. I am experiencing withdrawal normal, so I don’t feel all that bad today. Just curious again. Thanks for any insights.
  6. Altostrata

    Superwoman: Effexor taper

    I am skeptical about muscle testing. Do you always have "3 scoops" of coffee in the morning? Why was your Armour Thyroid increased? Have you felt any different since the increase?
  7. Sounds like a wave which will pass. Try to think of it as the nervous system doing it’s thing trying to heal which we have to go through to get to the other side. The emotional and sleep being affected are always the worse so hang in there until it passes Hopefully you will feel but better afterwards as your overall baseline continues to rise but it can be very slow going and it’s probably better to look at your progress in months not days or weeks.
  8. Gemma92

    Gemma92: severely kindled

    Thank you. I'm not even that early in withdrawal I have been suffering for 15 or 16 months now. And 8 month when the doctors stopped polydrugging me. 😢 So 8 months and no windows. (But I did have the 15 to 11mg drop in that timeframe). Thank you for all the links you tagged me in on the other threads! They really help, especially knowing that people healed from high doses of drugs and CTs! The story that you sent to me here in this message sounds really interesting too! I have yet to finish reading it! These things do give me hope but I always think I might be that one who doesn't get better.
  9. Sassenach

    Erell: struggling with paroxetine

    Bonjour Erell Yes you should be celebrating but you can't because of this. derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp/ and yes we all go though it along with Anhedonia. In other word W/D normal. That is correct but first you experience the full range of symptoms, after that your brain starts to rebuild and slowly the waves flatten. You do not know what tomorrow will bring, you could wake up feeling like yesterday. It's an adventure that needs AAF. Stop apologising, on your good days you are helping others. Don't know if this saying is used in France. What goes around, comes around, ie we all look after each other. Beautifully said Vega. You are getting better🤗 Sass
  10. Altostrata

    Mirtazapine's intro: please help

    What does this mean? How often do you take Ambien? When did you start it? Please include ALL current drugs in your signature. Please include drug dosages in daily notes.
  11. Vegalia

    Erell: struggling with paroxetine

    @Erell Mais tu l'as déjà fait et tu le referas. Chacun son tour. Vega
  12. @Vegalia et @rola : vous êtes adorables. ❤ j'aimerais tant être assez fortes pour vous envoyer de la lumière plutôt que de vous transmettre toute cette noirceur. Je vous embrasse.
  13. Rhiannon

    Seroxat story

    From your description of your taper, it sounds like you may be cutting too much at one time, and perhaps you have not let your healing catch up with the taper as you have been coming down. At the lower doses, we have to slow down and make smaller cuts. The drug effect at the synapse is much stronger at lower doses, so every cut has much more effect. I don't think your brain is broken. What you describe sounds like very typical withdrawal. As terrible as you are feeling, that is unfortunately pretty typical for withdrawal. I think you have tapered well, but a bit too fast, and withdrawal has really hit you hard now. Might be a good idea to stay off of YouTube for a while, it's easy to get obsessed with the negatives. There is a lot of hope to be found. Can you read the information on this site? I know there is a lot of it, but it is very useful. Take care of yourself, don't change any medications right now either up or down. The moderators are all volunteers with lives of their own and most of them are dealing with their own tapers and withdrawal as well. They will help you as soon as they can. In the meantime, do as much reading as you can here, and learn everything you can.
  14. @Rhiannon : I know you always tell me the same things, and I thank you for that. Strongly. Because as you said I need someone To believe. Right now I can't. I think I'm facing a huge Spike of despair. Keep reading your wisdom, and all thé kind words that are written on my thread. but I don't manage To Feel hope this evening. Yes it is slow. Don't apologize, you're one of my lights in this nightmare. And I know you can't do anything. No one can't. I don't Feel suicidal, I dont wanna live like this, but I really don't wanna die. It's just sometimes it is so hard To Feel hope. I'm so sorry.
  15. @Erell coucou erell je vois que tu n'es pas bien aujourd'hui sache que je pense fort à toi et je suis triste pour toi .tu es une belle personne ,toujours la pour nous aider ;une personne emplie de belles qualités sois positives et surtout ne baisse pas les bras ,la vie est faite de haut et des bas malheureusement . je t 'embrasse bien fort
  16. Today
  17. Rhiannon

    Bubbles

    It's hard to second guess. It's possible that without the holds you would have gotten sicker and not been able to tolerate your taper at all, who knows? Anyway, you're doing the best you can with what you have and what you know in the moment, and that's all anyone can do, I think. If you make a liquid suspension, if that works with your drug, you can taper in as small increments as you need to for as far down as you need to go, because you can control how much you dilute it. That might be worth looking at for the lower doses.
  18. Vegalia

    Erell: struggling with paroxetine

    Tu me donnes de l'espoir. Tu as des moments de désespoir c'est normal, mais cette lumière est toujours en toi. Tu trouves les mots malgré tout, même si c'est pas tous les jours, tu trouves quand même et c'est une force incroyable. Mes plus belles pensées. On lâche rien, comme tu m'as dit, mais il est tellement humain de craquer de temps en temps. Vega. (You give me hope. You have moments of despair it's normal, but this light is always in you. You find the words anyway, even if it's not every day, you still find and it's incredible strength. My most beautiful thoughts. We leave nothing, as you told me, but it's so human to crack from time to time. Vega.)
  19. Rhiannon

    Erell: struggling with paroxetine

    Well, I know I say the same thing every time, but here it is again: what you are feeling is normal, and all the signs are good. I remember not being able to feel joy. It was my usual state for years, actually, at the beginning, and during the years on the drugs much of the time as well. You don't need to be giving hope and comfort right now, or believing. We can believe for you, for now. 🙂 I find your progress encouraging. It's going to continue to be much slower than you would like, unfortunately. I wish I could change that for you. But all the signs are thumbs up for now.
  20. Sassenach

    Frenchgirl on emergency

    Hi Frenchie This is suicidal ideation and is a product of your sensitised system. It is something that happens to many of us. The question to ask yourself is, do I really want to die? Some days we feel we may not want to live, that is not the same as wanting to die. The thoughts are horrible but they wil not hurt you. They are a waste of time when it comes to W/D, their only answer is more drugs. You are doing extremely well to continue working. Do you feel worse now than one month ago? Sass
  21. Rhiannon

    drugged: multiple drugs

    I was skimming back through your posts in August and now I'm confused, how much diazepam are you taking daily? It seems like it was 5 mg then it says 15 somewhere and your sig says 10. I also saw where you said you were planning to taper down the venlafaxine to 75 mg and then to look at the zolpidem and diazepam at that point, is that still your plan? Anyway, hang in there, you're on the road.
  22. Ok, so I think I'm in a bit of a wave. Realising I have been feeling progressively worse since Saturday, thought it was a cold, but am now realising all the symptoms are also indicative of WD. I've been under the weather, achey, dizzy, headachey, shivery ie temperature dysregulation, and my gut has been dodgy. Super anxious, bit panicky, palpitations and also super flat and finding sleep a bit tricky. Does this sound like a wave? I hope it bogs off soon. Luckily am on half term break, but it's frustrating as there were loads of things I wanted to do...but all I feel like today is vegetating on the couch. Walked a long walk this morning but now feel exhausted, didn't get the usual lift from it.
  23. Indio

    marie123: tapering trazodone

    Hi Marie Thanks. Trazodona is horrible ... with me it was horrible in reducing, as it has been for the last 4 months, but I hope to hold on and start feeling better. All good for you.
  24. Rhiannon

    drugged: multiple drugs

    How's it going, D? Let me make sure I'm caught up with what you're doing on the drug-reducing front. You've cut the Buspar and you're cutting venlafaxine, and holding everything else where it is, is that correct? How are things with the Buspar? How much are you taking total of that every day now? It looks from your sig like maybe just 2.5 mg in the evening, is that correct? If so that's a big reduction, what do you think about just holding that there for a while? How are you feeling about the venlafaxine taper now? It looks like you maybe cut that on the 21st along with the Buspar. I think if you did make both of those cuts on the 21st it might be good to hold the venlafaxine for a while too, just to see how everything settles out. Keep a daily journal of symptoms if you can, it can help you down the road, figuring out your own patterns. Our memories are surprisingly unreliable at that. When I look at your drug sig I keep finding myself giving the side-eye to that diazepam dose. It's on the high side, especially for folks over 60. There are some definite risks with benzos at our age. What would you think about maybe tackling getting that dosage down a bit at some point? Is that on your radar at all?
  25. PoetJester

    betteroffdying Creativity gone

    They weren't thinking. You just end up getting lost in the shuffle over here, they delegate authority and pass people on down the line to less and less competent care and when you arrive at new places, the staff doesn't know much about you, except that you are mostly incapable of speaking and pace in circles all day, so no one knows what you were like before the drugs caused brain damage, but they should have known, at least at the psychiatric ward and probably the other places, but no one cared. The first week or two in the psychiatric ward, i was talking with the nursing staff there, joking around and reading the newspaper's sport's section, and even made a pretty nice hand-tooled leather coin purse for my sister in Occupational Therapy, but within a month or so, i was just pacing in circles all day and unable to speak from the brain damage. The sad thing is my parents knew about everything that was going on at the time, too. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie, Weekend at Bernies, where two friends have to take their dead boss' body around places and pretend that he's living, but my six months being instituitionalized was sort of similar in a way. My parents took me to Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandmother's house one day during the time i had been staying at the nursing home. My uncles came up to me when we had got to my Grandmother's house and started making small talk and joking around with me, like they usually did, since i don't see them that often, and then noticed that i couldn't speak and that the areas around my eyes were shiny and darkened (from the brain damage. I looked like Jack Nicholson's character at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) and walked away with very concerned looks on their faces. Then i was expected to eat dinner with brain damage. I was only capable of eating about 2-3 bites of food at every meal and was also chemically castrated besides, so it wasn't a great meal for me. I just sat there trying to not let my head fall into my plate of food for twenty minutes while fidgenting in my seat while my grandmother talked to me at the table and then got up after only eating a few bites of food and went outside to smoke in 0 F temperatures. Once, i even escaped the psychiatric ward when a nurse left a locked door open on a stairwell, as he left work for the evening. I had akithesia besides the brain damage, so all i did for most of the day was pace back and forth down the hallway and wish for death every second of every day, due to the akithesia. I walked down the stairwell and left the hospital with only a windbreaker on, on a bitter cold October day. I had nowhere to go, so i walked around downtown Minneapolis for two hours shivering in the cold and finally called my father to pick me up. I wasn't able to say much on the phone, but my father came and got me anyways while i waited under one of the bridges that go over the Mississippi River in downtown Minneapolis. We drove to a White Castle hamburger fast food restaurant and went through the drive through window and got some food and my father made a joke about how White Castle hamburgers were called "sliders" because they were so greasy they slid right through you, but when i laughed at his joke, my voice sounded totally stifled and strange because of how my brains were hampered by the drugs, and my father looked at me with a terrified look and then drove me back to the hospital. My parents really couldn't do anything about what was going on, since it was the State's order to have me committed (i had only been homeless and found on a park bench malnourished one day by two police officers and taken to the psych ward. I hadn't really committed any crime except maybe dropping out of college. lol) but they even denied knowing about how badly i was doing at the time when i asked them later after my commitment had ended and the pills were stopped being given to me. My mother still has a picture in her family photo album of Christmas 1995 where my eyes looked totally glassy and glazed over and the expression on my face is similar to what you see of pictures of old Wild Wild West outlaws who have been gunned down and propped up in chairs for publicity photos. It was horrible. Even at the group home, which is where i was when i went in for the four or five sessions of ECT, they didn't really care. After i got back to the home and was a fully functioning human being again, i was outgoing and laughing and talkative and went up to one of the staff members there (it was an older lady who worked in the pill dispensary. She used to say "come get your medicine" every day in the group home at medication time, even while the "medicine" was causing me the brain damage and making my life a living hell) and said to her "look, i'm myself again. I can talk again." (i was not able to speak consecutive sentences together while on risperdone, and only spoke maybe a handful of stunted sentences in my six months on the drugs. In fact, i hadn't even spoken a word to the pill dispensary woman in three months in the group home) and she got angry at me and snapped at me saying "it can always come back." She hadn't really cared about me before, and probably didn't even know my name, but now was angry when i was off of the pills and feeling better and not brain damaged.
  26. Merci Vegalia. But it's hard To believe. I can't stop crying. I'm lost. I don't know anymore if I can stabilize or if I'm just dreaming. Tomorrow scares me. Because it Will still be so hard. And over and over. And I Feel like I'm loosing my strenght. I'm so sorry, I want To believe, and give hope and comfort To everybody. But I don't have this capacity 😢
  27. Vegalia

    Erell: struggling with paroxetine

    Coucou Erell, Même sentiment parfois en allant sur Facebook. J'y vais moins d'ailleurs. Les gens qui peuvent sortir, mettent des photos de vacances avec leurs enfants... Je me disais ce matin m... Qu'est ce que j'ai fait pour mériter ça, je me contenterais de peu dans la vie pourtant. J'ai pas besoin d'aller au Japon ou à New-York ^^...non juste me sentir un peu mieux et revivre un peu plus normalement, juste un peu moins de souffrances. Puis... Je me suis dit : je suis vivante. J'ai une chance de guérir. Et ça peut pas être la mouise toute la vie quand même.! Normal de te sentir comme ça c'est humain. Voir les souffrances des autres c'est dur aussi. Mais je trouve que tu es une petite lumière, un petit rayon de soleil car très attentionnée. Tu n'enlèves pas la souffrance des gens, mais un peu de baume au coeur, c'est précieux tu ne crois pas? Et tu es douée pour ça. Arrête de t'excuser. Oui je radote ! Tu es une bien meilleure personne que tu ne penses j'ai l'impression. Demain est un autre jour. Je ne lâche pas ta main depuis l'Auvergne. Bisous Vega. (Erell cuckoo, Same feeling sometimes by going on Facebook. I go there lessover. People who can go out, put holiday pictures with their children ... I was thinking this morning m ... What I did to deserve that, I would settle for little in life yet. I do not need to go to Japan or New York ^^ ... just not feel a little better and relive a little more normally, just a little less suffering. Then ... I thought, I'm alive. I have a chance to heal. And it can not be the miser all the life anyway! Normal to feel like that's human. Seeing the suffering of others is hard too. But I think you are a small light, a small ray of sun because very attentive. You do not take away the suffering of people, but a little balm in the heart, it's precious you do not believe? And you're good at it. Stop apologizing. Yes I drool! You are a much better person than you think I feel. Tomorrow is another day. I do not let go of your hand from Auvergne. Kisses Vega)
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