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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/23/2020 in all areas

  1. Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately ca
    13 points
  2. @mva96 @manymoretodays @Mimi79@benesh @getofflex My sincere thanks for your kind words of congratulations and support. You know, it was actually really hard to write the success story for me. In some ways, despite feeling as well as I do, I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I was actually in the position do declare victory. I think a great majority of us go through that period of time where we are absolutely sure that there is something about our particular circumstances - drug histories, genetic make-ups, life situations, etc. that exclude us from h
    8 points
  3. My dear friends. @sunnysideup69 @Erell@Longroadhome @Cigale @Mimi79 and you all that have given me support on here There are no words to describe the kindness, support and encouragement you have all shown me. I am forever grateful for you all❤️ I am listening and thinking carefully to all of your advices. Having no one but myself to rely on makes this really hard. First my reinstatement is going ok. I am up to 2 mg, but I have still so much anxiety and panic. My thoughts are racing nonstop without any relief, leaving me in a state of vomiting the little food I can intake, and being i
    7 points
  4. I saw this posted on another website. I am not especially religious, but I found it to be inspiring and maybe you will too. ‘Use the Health You Have’ by Linda Williams It happened in the dentist’s office two weeks before I was to be married. I had gone in to have a wisdom tooth pulled. “You don’t want a toothache on our honeymoon!” David had urged me. “All done!” the dentist said, bringing the chair upright. “All done,” he repeated when I didn’t get up. I couldn’t move. I was hurried to a hospital, where doctors attributed the strange paralysis
    7 points
  5. I personally find my WD journey like being on a roller coaster ride that is totally wild and unpredictable, and one that I cannot get off of, I just have to stay on the ride and tough it out. I'm in a bad wave now, have been for almost 2 months, after doing so well for a long time. I'm extremely and profoundly grateful for this forum!!! If it weren't for this place, I would not be able to persist through this. I'm so grateful for the recovery stories, because they give me HOPE that perhaps I, too, will one day recover. I've been dealing with this for over 3 years, but I see m
    6 points
  6. I just wanted to say that the horror you are describing sounds very familiar to me. I, too, was beyond listening to music or doing relaxing techniques for a long time. The sensory sensitivities, cognitive difficulties, and akathisia made it very difficult. It's ok. Keep trying, but don't push yourself too hard. You are not alone in being this ill, but not everyone is writing on forums like this. Some people are too ill to write at all. They may be too weak or too confused. You are able to take a step outside yourself and describe your symptoms instead of being consumed by t
    4 points
  7. great news! graduated college and working on a certificate for the future career I want. Confidence way up, and going to group therapy twice a week for dialectic behavior therapy. Trying my best to keep up with myself - realized I had deeper emotional issues and am trying best to deal with it. Wishing that this good update will make others feel happier.
    4 points
  8. Hello everyone on this forum, Wow I cannot believe that its been three years that I have been on this forum. Time definitely flies by. In regards to my journey in withdrawal, I can honestly say that my windows/ waves dissipated by late 2017, and I recovered from withdrawal. Of course, that is not to say that I may have some issues with anxiety or other things but its not the cause of withdrawal, I believe. All my symptoms of rumination, depersonalization, derealization, a sense of uneasiness, unable to exercise(because it would worsen my symptoms), agoraphobia, feeling loss of cont
    4 points
  9. ADMIN NOTE RubyTuesday's Introductions topic is here. 2002 to 2016 age 44 to 58 Prozac, Birth Control, (Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan) Seroquel, Lamictal, Remeron. Hi I used this forum from 2013 to 2016 when I tapered off Remeron, Seroquel, and Lamictal after starting Prozac in early 2002. In 2001 I was the single mom of an 8 year old boy who had NOT been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder although he did and does show all the signs, as do I. I was obliged to homeschool him for several years since the only way to get anything done right i
    4 points
  10. Happy New Year, AD Survivors! I have been completely off antidepressant drugs for two whole years, and I have been feeling like a normal person the whole time. So grateful to all the people here who helped me withdraw from mind altering chemicals when the professionals insisted I "needed" them. One thing I've noted about me over the past few years is that I have never resumed trusting medical professionals about very much. I had a knee replacement in May because my knee kept swelling and filling up with water-- and I couldn't walk. That made me believe I might benefit from a kn
    4 points
  11. _I just wanted to say that my 2 year anniversary is today!!!. For any Lexapro/ Escitalopram sufferers I wanted to share that there is light. I am definitely healing. It’s not time for a success story yet, it’s slow but reflecting on my 2019 Christmas/ New Years Eve I can see my symptoms are definitely less intense. We will get there, maybe not as quick as we would like but I have absolute faith that we will all heal in time, Best wishes K
    4 points
  12. You are welcome, Mimi. Thanks you for being here, too. Too bad we had to meet under such circumstances, but I’m glad we did. @Mimi79 Well, last night was a night of insomnia. I was awake all night until about 7:00 am or later. I slept only about 2 hours, and I have awakened with anxiety. Not fun, but it feels so familiar, and I know it will go away. That knowledge is a luxury that has been given to me due to years of healing from this horrible syndrome. I won’t be able to do what I would like today, but I’m here to live it. I’m very happy to be here with my little girl, and
    4 points
  13. 10 months free!!! 😏 I have had no additional symptoms from successfully tappering escitalopram... Preparing for next step with doxepin, 77days since last decrease... But firstly, I will have Covid-19 vaccination on Sunday, don't know what to expect... Hopefully, it will be just like a flu vaccine...
    3 points
  14. Hi everyone, I have been on SSRIs for ~15 years (since I was a child). This summer, I discontinued the medication. I had been feeling very well for several years prior. Upon withdrawal, I experienced severe symptoms including rage, depression, and feelings of horror and agitation. Rage, horror, and agitation were symptoms I had never experienced before, and I thought I had been depressed a few times in the past while on the medication (largely though I went years experiencing no symptoms, yet no doctor suggested I come off the medication), what I experienced upon withdrawal made me
    3 points
  15. Hi @Toast, just wanna say hi and give some thoughts on your thoughts 🙂 First of all, I like the reference to the screaming man inside your head, I could completely relate to it, that is what it feels like 😅 You mentioned that you used to be a go-getter and a really efficient person (if I understand this right) and right now you feel helpless and that you have given up now. I wanna just say that I think you might feel helpless to change or stop the symptoms, but you have definitely not given up because you are on this truly crazy trip and you are hanging in there. You hav
    3 points
  16. Hi Toast, Hope you don't mind me giving some of my thoughts around some of the things you wrote. I think a lot of what you're describing is very relatable. Even the feeling of a voice screaming in horror inside your head I remember very clearly, among other things. It's very tough, but it is possible to get through. And when we do it is worth it (if you ask me). Around 3 years back I would have had a hard time believing it if someone told me I'd be reasoning that way now, and feeling the way I do now. It is possible to recover, but our mind and feelings can make it feel unattainab
    3 points
  17. Purplestars22: celexa withdrawal Purplestars22, Introduction topic Hello everyone on this forum, Wow I cannot believe that its been three years that I have been on this forum. Time definitely flies by. In regards to my journey in withdrawal, I can honestly say that my windows/ waves dissipated by late 2017, and I recovered from withdrawal. Of course, that is not to say that I may have some issues with anxiety or other things but its not the cause of withdrawal, I believe. All my symptoms of rumination, depersonalization, derealization, irrational thoughts, akathisia, h
    3 points
  18. Link to Benzo Forum Thread - Shep's Journey Leaving Plato’s Cave In Plato’s famous “Allegory of the Cave,” a group of human beings are chained since birth in a dark cave where a fire casts shadows of the world upon the walls. The shadows are all the prisoners know to be true. But one day, a prisoner breaks free and wanders out into the world. Her eyes are blinded by the sudden blast of sunlight and she is unsure of her reality and at times, longs to be back inside the familiar darkness. But as her eyes adjust, she is in awe of this new reality — people, nature, her own
    3 points
  19. Shep, I came across this in my research. It may explain some of it. "The drug companies don't control us psychiatrists, but they told us that if we don't lend credence to the 'chemical imbalance' theory of depression that we wouldn't be getting any of those really cool pens and pads of paper that they give us so we really had no choice." -- Ronald Pies
    3 points
  20. Hello SA friends, I am having a real window!! I feel like myself for the first time in 3.5 years!! Before today I have not had a true window. I feel like I am truly in my body and mind again. I had to jump on here to share this news as I hope it brings some hope to others that this can happen whilst tapering. I especially hope it brings hope to others who have also not experienced any windows for a very long time, if ever. I have felt miserable since starting my taper, well even before my taper as the drug was no longer "working". I have no idea if this is now my new baseline
    3 points
  21. Morning Sunny when I fist went into WD in 2019 I was able to carry on going to the gym 4 times plus a week. Cardio and weightlifting 🏋️‍♀️ classes . Then covid came snd gym was closed on snd off until last October . Inbetween this time my symptoms ramped up because of trying to taper from two drugs and I found my symptoms intensified during exercise fir the first time so I had to stop. I have always done lots of pace walking for many years every day but struggled with this too. but I kept going each morning doing what I could though no where near my usual standard . I even foun
    3 points
  22. I have a friend on here who’s a veteran, and has taught me how to NOT give my symptoms “fearful attention” , meaning, you have to “learn” how to not pay attention to symptoms with fear. Fear only drives the symptoms and strengthens neural pathways keeping them strong and present. Such things as surrender or allowing the symptoms to be present without questioning them, or fretting about them reverses those pathways. This combined with rest, exercise (both mental and physical) and time WILL reduce and eliminate symptoms.. In time .. I personally directed my attention towards other things such
    3 points
  23. It's been a long time since I last posted. It's been a very full on time for me on many levels. My move went well and within a few weeks here, felt more at home than anywhere I've been in decades. I've done lots of hiking in the mountains in all seasons, as well as cycling in the seasons without snow. I made friends here easily and have found a community to be a part of. I have never looked back and find I rarely even think about the place I lived before. This is home and it's huge for me to feel that way. I dropped out of the meditation teacher training program, find
    3 points
  24. @sleepylex Thank you, I think that is sound advice as a starting point. I am familiar with, and thankful for, Robert Whitaker's work. Really appreciate your suggestion and encouragement. @Altostrata I am doing well. And your message prompted me to finally sit down and write that success story - 🙂 - which I have done, and will post directly after I send this your way. Hang in there, Dave
    3 points
  25. Only a year and a half has passed since I wrote my success story, yet it seems like a lifetime ago--decades. If you're a regular user of SA.org you won't find anything I have to say today that will be original. But I think anyone in withdrawal needs to hear again that things DO get better, that the trajectory of withdrawal is toward healing. I'm still in recovery. Each time I have a difficult time of it I come out changed, subtly different, yet always essentially more like the person I used to be: calm, centered, sensible, honest (especially to myself), kind, forgiving,
    3 points
  26. If the wave is starting to recede and your symptoms starting to calm down, then an updose is not called for. Let things stabilize as they are. Adding or switching medications will just stir the pot and cause more problems. give things a bit more time to stabilize and then maybe try to taper a bit more. It is a good sigh that the anxiety wave is starting to resolve, it feels like such a relief when that happens. It can be a real challenge to balance WD with our personal and professional lives. I tapered for many years while holding down a position as a R&D Engineer, it was a rea
    3 points
  27. I just wanted to make a separate post to thank you for writing out all of the great non-drug coping skills you're learning. This will serve you well now and for many years to come.
    3 points
  28. It seems like it’s winding down some. Really nice window last night and I can feel another window brewing up now. Still really really bad in the mornings but that’s when cortisol is pumping hard. Keeping calm and reducing stress is the key. It just takes a long time. Very grateful for Alto and others who can reassure me. Reassurance is awesome but eventually you need to reassure yourself. Those electrical levels in the brain and CNS just need to be tamped down as much as possible while maintaining a low low stress environment. Then everything goes back to stock. In time.
    3 points
  29. sorry I didn't see this sooner you are very welcome. I remember in the early days of WD/recovery, how very much I needed to hear hopeful stories so I decided at that time, that if were to make it out the other side ok, I would make sure I stuck around to let ppl know that there IS a light at the end of that very long very dark tunnel.
    3 points
  30. 22 Month Post Zero Update Wanted to document a few updates for Glo. Today marks 22 months since Glo jumped to zero from risperidone. She will turn 25 tomorrow and so I have a bit of sadness in my heart as she basically has been ‘missing’ from her own life for almost 5 years now. However, all is not gloom and doom. I think it is important to come back and post for others so that they know although it is a long road to hoe….to not give up because improvements do happen. I think it is also important for people who are looking for a quick fix to understand….there is none. Just time, and t
    3 points
  31. Happy Holidays, everybody! Here's a quote from a poem by Rilke (which I poached from the end of the Jojo Rabbit...). I thought it was good for this community. Wishing peace to everybody out there. Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final
    3 points
  32. MOD NOTE : Toulouse's Introduction Topic is here --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello all. I wanted to come here to give my success story. If you go through my first thread called My Paxil Withdrawal Journey, you can see for yourself the misery and pain that I went through, particularly the first 2 years of getting off of Paxil. I had so many symptoms, ones I've never had before.
    3 points
  33. Trying, during my WD and recovery, I too feared I couldn't take it forever. Looking back, I realized that not every minute of every day was miserable. I was able to enjoy our son's junior high concerts as you enjoyed your family's videos. There is something inside you that still connects with the joy of life. You are seeing windows, albeit brief, and that is reason to hope. There is no single path to recovery, and no timeline. But you can be confident you'll recover. Anyone who wants to can. Keep coming here for support!
    2 points
  34. I feel for you @tryingtosurvive330 Being tired and yet not sleeping is horrible and it makes the days very long and hard. I know I used to analyse every detail of what I ate and supplement taken to hopefully make tonight better than last night. No silver bullet came. Eventually I realised that I was better going for stability- I only take Magnesium Glycinate and have Sparking water before bed and stick to a regular bedtime, accepting sleep is a temporary issue, that there would be good and bad nights and that it was part of healing. I started looking at week to week instead of day to day and
    2 points
  35. Yes it is very hard, and I think I know how you feel. I also overthink things, and that can lead to negativism, catastrophic thinking, self-pity. I think it is important to realize when I do this, and make a conscious decision about what to do next. Like distraction, countering it with positive thoughts, or just letting it all out (pounding the bed with a pillow is my favorite.) At least that is what I try to do. Some days I fail, but the most important thing is to keep trying. As @Toast just posted, each day you can get through now is an investment in your future.
    2 points
  36. @Toast Hello, thank you so much for joining the forum, your post is thoughtful and incisive. I wish you much luck in your journey going forward. I have often wondered about the person I am and will be after removing these drugs from my body. It is just not the drugs themselves, but also the trauma and disruption they have caused in my life. But I've decided to let this go, and accept what comes without judgment. We all change over time, and recapturing or reinventing some version of "me" I don't think is really possible. I will just continue to maintain hope that I can retu
    2 points
  37. Hello all...here is an update: I'm doing mostly well...many more windows then waves. I have been eating a low histamine diet for 6 weeks now and I feel/think that it helps me a lot so I am sticking with it throughout my taper...Iit's not so difficult once you get the hang of I. I am also taking 1.5mg melatonin at night and 200mg magnesium glycinate...the combo seems to be working and I am getting better sleep So now in Jan and locked down again although I am working out and about as a support worker. Work is ok although I do want out of it but I will wait a little while
    2 points
  38. Dearest @mstimcand @Erell, Thanks so much for your kind words, they mean a lot. Have been having quite and 'up and down' ride since 21st December. Some of it is stabilisation issues, and some of it is the situation we've plunged into, in the UK. 'Lockdown' is quite tough as I'm at home alone. I'm realising how important it is for me to get out into the world at least for some of the week..I'm feeling a bit lonely. Over all, though, still doing okay. Even though this is a 'tough patch,' it's relatively mild and hasn't really set me off into a bad wave. I just feel.....wierd, if t
    2 points
  39. Update Since my thread is like a journal diary of this scary withdrawal journey, well I need to include this since this is the first time I've encountered this in my life, and I contribute to what the medication did to me during W/D. I went to the typical big box store (Costco) where I went to fill up my car with gas. There was a couple of people in front of me putting gas and from my vantage point were blocking the way, so if I wanted to move around them, and go to the next fill up stall, I couldn't. I stayed put, and checked my Twitter on cell phone when suddenly I f
    2 points
  40. Periodic insomnia is a major problem with ADWD, it is a very common and very upsetting symptom. It does, however, follow a window and wave pattern. So even when it shows up you can be sure that it will go away. Venlafaxine is one of the worst for causing it, as insomnia is both a side effect and a WD symptom, making it very hard to tell which is which. If a person is in the middle of a taper and taking only a small amount it is more than likely a WD symptom. That doesn't make it any less upsetting. MMT has given a lot of good advise/information on how to make things more conducive
    2 points
  41. Thank you for your support, reading you is always good ! How lucky we are to have a community that understand the states we experience ❤️ To be honest, I'm doing my best to not panick but this wave is really shaking me. It's like if every day was a demonstration of all the worst symptoms I ever had, and symptoms are succedding over and over with an intensity I had forgotten. Restlessness, intrusive violent thoughts and impulses, poor sleep, doom feelings, ... all are back in force like last September. I keep looking for what may have triggered this stro
    2 points
  42. @Erell Lots of times theres no rhyme or reason for a set back. Healing from these drugs is not straight forward as we know. In fact we shouldn’t look at it as a “set back”. As you are doing everything right then I think it’s adjustments your body is having to make to put things right. sometimes we question and look for reasons that aren’t there. Hold tight it will pass . Continue to be brave you are inching forward even though you feel you’re not . You most definitely ARE. Time and patience my friend xx
    2 points
  43. Hi Fighting Just an observation; I think you're doing a tremendous service to other SA members by sharing your progress and experiences. A lot of people get discouraged because recovery really is a series of windows and waves, and improvement comes gradually. Its not an uphill climb--its a roller coaster. But the ride is totally worth it!
    2 points
  44. Hello all, and happy 2021. I thought I would pop in and do an update on this, especially after seeing that there is more research coming out on withdrawal etc. I am...still doing pretty well! I still have disability-level complex PTSD, so that's a real ongoing struggle, but I still feel ok saying I am doing pretty well. Through my therapy (weekly, somatic experiencing/talk therapy) and ongoing self-directed recovery work I have regained enough capacity to properly pursue new things again and handle big external challenges. I am doing songwriting and audio producti
    2 points
  45. My thoughts are with you regarding your Christmas difficulties. There are so many things I would do differently knowing what I know now. That’s what this forum is for — learning from the mistakes of others. The heating pad help to calm me. So did hot baths. I didn’t fall asleep, but I felt more calm while I was awake. I had to distract myself with movies and books. Both can be hard to handle because they are stressful and you don’t know what kind of traumatic things will happen. So, watching kids’ shows and movies is better. Cartoons. Books for third and fourth graders. Natur
    2 points
  46. Hi, I wrote my introduction on the 4th of October 2019 ☼-francisco-on-the-way-to-a-success-story At that time, I was seven months of all meds – I stated that the post was a combination of an introduction and a success story since things were on course at the time. Since that post, my mental has been put to the test like never before but it's now been around one year and 10 months since I stopped taking meds and I believe my mental health has passed the test. I was given a diagnosis of bi-polar by a consultant psychiatr
    2 points
  47. Frohe Weihnachten, @Arti! 🎄✨ I remember ”celebrating” Christmas 8 months off Paxil in 2009, just like you do now. I, too, was worse than ever. Finally started to see improvements in February 2010. I have a strong feeling that 2021 will be the year when you achieve your goal of a free mind and start seeing your first improvements. Keep going and stay positive! You are amazing. ❤️ Aurorax
    2 points
  48. Dear @Kingfisher86, I'm sorry you are struggling in a wave... I know how difficult it is expecially to deal with the thoughts of anxiety or fear that this our condition will not resolve soon. But you are a great attitude and I'm sure you can face all these issues! Keep on and update us! Leila
    2 points
  49. I'm finally off all medications. It took 5 years. I took my last dose of seroquel in June. Thanks so much Alto and to those on this board for the support and advice. I'm still experiencing a little insomnia and memory issues but otherwise I'm feeling good.
    2 points
  50. We are designed to learn from our experience. We're not born knowing everything. There is an infinite amount to learn. We can only ever act based on incomplete knowledge. We have strong feelings and strong needs. And so we do things that we later regret. This cannot be avoided. It is a part of being human. There is a global pandemic of shame, guilt, and self-criticism. We are all vulnerable to it. We all need to feel good about ourselves and feel that others approve of us. That's universal. Some of us were raised in families where, unfortunately, shaming, guilt-tripping, and criticism
    2 points
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