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  1. Hi everyone, I am writing to seek support during what has become a frightening experience for me. I have a history of severe depression and as I started to come out of the last one in the middle of 2018, I accepted the proposition put by al psychiatrist that I needed to be on high doses of psychiatric drugs. The two most significant were Lexapro at 45mgs and Mirtazapine at 90mgs daily. He also had me on Epilim and Propanolol to counter the impact of the benzodiazepines I was withdrawing from. The Lexapro was causing me to be uncomfortable with wind and I came off it over a couple of weeks at the end of last year without any difficulty. The Epilim and Propanolol were also removed. The massive dose of Mirtazapine remained, however. Even though it is prescribed off label for sleep, I was finding getting to sleep increasingly difficult. This is what led me to make a mistake seven weeks ago. Without consulting anyone I reduced the drug to 45mgs for three nights. This led to the onset of a nasty nauseous sensation in my body. I rang the psychiatrist and he told me that if I reinstated the dose the symptoms would go away. They didn't. So we reduced the dosage to 67.5mgs to see if that would enable me to stabilise on the drug. The symptoms continued. So we agreed to get off the drugs. Over the course of a week the drug was reduced to zero. Now after three nights the symptoms are worse and I am getting little sleep. This morning I was aching so much that I got up and tried to watch the cricket. My mistake was that I assumed as anti- depressants are not addictive and that because I had come off the Lexapro so easily that a reduction in my Mirtazapine dosage would cause me no problems. Moreover, I did come off 30mgs on another occasion with no problems. As as it looks as if reinstatement is not an option given the nature of my symptoms, I simply don't know where to turn. I fear that I am looking at an extended period of massive discomfort which could lead to a return of the depression.
  2. Hi everyone Great to have found this website...I have been on SSRI's and more recently SNRI (mirtazapine) for past 17 years and the mirtazapine for past 5 - I have been depression free for past 5 years (previously had between 10 to 12 major breakdowns since age of 21 including whilst on the drugs..I am 38 now)...phew it's been tough but I have made it this far! I decided that, if I could go 5 years without a major depressive episode, that I would try and come off my meds as a I feel I have developed the coping skills and resilience skills to manage my mental health drug free...I reached 5 years and started in August 2019 - I managed to cut down from 30mg to 22.5 and then 22.5 to 15mg over the course of 5 months...I had a period of about one week of WD during both reductions and it was very unpleasant but I just toughed it out and it passed and I felt better again - so I made it to 15mg which I thought to be quite an achievement! With this in mind and also wanting to get off this drug as fast as possible (within reason) I decided to cut the 15mg pills and start on approx 11mg around 9 days ago (with my doctor approval who is, by the way, absolutely clueless)....I have been suffering WD since day 1 including anxiety, foggy head, insomnia, slight ringing ears and generally just feeling low and not myself - I thought that this will pass if I just tough it out again but now, 9 days in and after reading a lot of stuff online I'm not so sure...it seems that with mirtazapine (and possibly other drugs) it gets harder as the doses get lower...which is hard to believe when you see the size of the 11mg in your hand. I have now found this website and it's incredibly helpful and I'm so glad to be here and able to talk to others about this! My first and REALLY important first question to ask for advice is should I go straight back up to the 15mg where I felt ok and stabilise there before thinking about my next approach which could well be the 10% reduction advocated on here? I just want to feel better again so I can cope with stresses in my life...I would appreciate some responses ASAP as I may do this tonight! Could I possibly use a quality weighing scale and go to 13mg or will this just further confuse my nervous system more? I'm sure I'll have lots more questions in time but this will do for now Lovely to meet you all Big love and strength from Malbec37
  3. Hello everbody. I have been on BB remeron support group, but they tend to speak mostly benzo concerns. Now i need your help. My story is like that: i have been using prozac until last year with on and offs and i was supposing i had bruxism. In fact, it was ct but i didnt know. Last year in november a pdoc gave me abilify 2.5 mg. I took it for two months and didnt work and quit it. After that i had a bad anx., i tried many ads, but they didnt work. Lastly, i found myself in hospital in May. They gave me brintellix 10 mg, lamictal 100mg, remeron 30 mg. They brought me to the point i couldnt work so i stopped in hospital after 20 days. Then,my world turned into the hell. I lived dp dr,severe head pressure etc. Then, i started to remeron 15 for sleep issues within one month. My intention was starting to 100 day taper, but my buddies on BB said that, you were going too fast, first you should be stable. Then, after reaching to 12 mg, i listened them and now i have been holding it. I decided to go forward with that plan no matter how long it lasts. But, last week i started to take new sxs like nausea, diarrhera, gi issues, heart palps(1 months) which i never took them even in acute phase of my CTs. I think i lost the support from BB and came here to take some support. My anx. is bad and hardly i could go to the work. Every day, i consider to CT because of getting no stabilization. These drugs are terrible. Thank you for responses from now...
  4. Hi All: I have been taking 3.75 mg. of generic remeron daily for the past 4.5 years. About a month ago, I thought I should taper off by reducing to 1/8 of the 15 mg. pill that I had been cutting into quarters for the 3.75 mg. dosing. Around day 26 of the taper, I started getting GERD, heartburn, insomnia, dizziness, all the usual suspects. I upped my dose back to 3.75 about 3 nites ago. I thought I was on my way to feeling stable again, but last nite came no sleep, with sweating, racing thoughts, and diarrhea. This a.m., I feel so terrible. My question is: how long to expect the withdrawal symptoms of the taper on the way back up to my pre-taper dose. I felt fine while taking this amt and was prescribed it for insomnia and post menopause symptoms. Now I realize I may be a life member of the remeron suckers club. Hope to hear from those who have had similar experiences.
  5. Community of healing, hello. my name is dave. in february of 2012, things started going terribly wrong. i have always been a person with some anxiety and depression. in fact my parents began medicating me for this when i was in the first grade, when the nuns at the parochial school i attended informed them i wasn't "living up to expectations." at this time (early 80s), the medications were as heavy as they are today - in fact, many of the drugs that were put into my childhood body are currently considered barbaric in standard medical practice. nice. anyway, in my teen years and early 20s, i tried many different medications. prozac, paxil, zoloft, blah blah blah. i wanted to put out the fire - i wanted to mellow out and not feel the anxiety. i wanted to not feel the sadness. i was taught that those things were not ok to feel - that these human emotions were to be avoided at all costs. the line-up that my doctors settled upon were remeron and ativan. the remeron was 7.5mg daily, the ativan .5mg as needed. for over a decade, i kept the remeron between 3.75 and 7.5 - the ativan, between .25 and .5. i've always been a "little dab will do you" individual. when i still consumed alcoholic beverages, i was a totally cheap date. 1 drink felt good, 2 drinks was a nap on the couch. my system has always been highly sensitive, as so many of ours are. in late 2011, the ativan wasn't working anymore. the doctors threw in some xanax and bumped the ativan dose. it helped a little. in early 2012, i noticed some profound dizziness - like i was walking on a swaying ship. i had actually been noticing this for a year or more, doctors could find no pathology to explain it. but it was getting worse. i suspected it was the remeron. my doctor said, "well, stop taking it." so, i ditched the 7.5mg of remeron cold turkey YAHOOOOO! and my system went nuts. i could not eat, i could not sleep. i began losing weight - lots. in hindsight, i realize i was in full benzodiazepine tolerance withdrawal and remeron withdrawal. my doctors said it was "just the anxiety getting worse." they were just about ready to throw some klonopin into the mix when i bailed. i started a rapid taper that essentially amounted to a cold turkey from the ativan and began to suffer intensely. between the months of april 2012 and june 2012, i went from being a solidly built 162lb marathon runner to a 129lb human who could not lift his head off the pillow, barely acknowledged his wife and children, was confused as to who the president was and what month it was, and finally, began having intense violent intrusive thoughts - both suicidal and outwardly motivated. i checked myself into a hospital. i was so scared. i figured that was the thing i needed to do. get fixed. as soon as i got in, they tried to get me to reinstate the benzodiazepines. i refused. in my lucid moments, i had read too much online to do it. they put me on seroquil, which produced serious side effects. they switched me to risperidone and left me with that. i wanted out of the hospital. they became fairly insistent that if i were to do so, i would need to be on another medication. i mentioned reinstating the remeron. they liked that idea. they put me back on 7.5mg. a day later, they bumped me up to 15mg, a day later, they bumped me up to 30mg. my whole body was vibrating. i was having nocturnal emissions nightly in the hospital bed. the intrusive thoughts and all the other withdrawal symptoms skipped along merrily, unaffected by the drugs, but the hospital thought i was "good to go." so off i went. oh, and they handed me a script for valium on the way out "just in case." in the hospital, i mentioned both benzo and antidepressant withdrawal. even offering to show them the ins and outs of the ashton manual, which in the benzo world, is fairly revered. the doctors took a position that what i had to say was of little consequence. they were the doctors after all, they should know best. and any words on my part were greeted as a questioning of their authority. the next 8 to 12 months were essentially hell. i kicked the risperidone to the curb almost immediately. if anything, that anti-psychotic was making things worse. the 30mg of remeron was so damn activating, i wanted to jump out of my skin and climb up trees daily. but i felt stuck on it. when i began experiencing intermittent periods of gradually extending "windows" and "waves," i began to taper the remeron slowly. things were very bad for a very long time. very bad. did i mention that things were VERY VERY BAD? i managed to keep my job. it wasn't easy. when i was at my very worst, i would work from my bed at home. getting up to puke, sitting in a stupor, trying to answer e-mails and phone calls as if my brain were not a bashed-up mess. trying to put together sentences. when i was able to return to work, the intrusive thoughts were so bad, i either stayed glued to my desk, or else went back behind my office building and fought off the daily urge to throw myself into the waters. i wanted to die so bad. those waters were almost calling me into them. i fought back. and i am glad, beyond, that i fought. by the 8 to 9 month mark, things started improving somewhat quickly, the tapering of the remeron was becoming somewhat easier, the benzo symptoms were easing. the windows got longer and longer until the waves became basically a couple hours during a day or two per month. i need to cut this short. i could literally write a book about this whole experience, but i don't want to waste your time and i myself have to boogie. let me just say this. i am still tapering - i am now at 2mg of liquid remeron. i have a pharmacy compound for me. i make 10% cuts, hold for 4 to 6 weeks in between, and go in for another round. when i cut, i feel it the day after i make it - an intensification of the symptoms. things settle for a short while. around the 2 week mark after a cut, it kicks me harder. usually restless legs, nausea, intestinal disturbance, mild insomnia, intensification of anxiety and the desire to cry for no reason at all. the intrusive thoughts are totally gone. i don't experience these anymore. and i am thankful. they were my worst symptom. they plagued me and plagued me and plagued me and they are gone. i try to eat as clean as possible. higher protein, lower carbs, almost no refined sugars. i short-circuit the cortisol response by waking at 0345hrs each morning. i am at the gym very early, i put in a workout, i go to work. i could not exercise at all for the first year after withdrawal. it would activate my central nervous system to much. but now i lift weights and lift heavy and i do only enough cardio to keep that system as optimal as i feel it needs to be. i supplement with whey protein, vitamin d, b vitamin/folic acid, magnesium, and some occasional omegas in the form of either fish oil or hemp protein. i do not drink alcohol. i do not use pot. i consider these substances a colossal waste of time. i do not use any other chemicals that will interfere with my brain chemistry. i'm not sure how much of a hassle these last 2mg will be. i think i will probably be all done with the remeron by the end of 2015, if things keep ticking along. that is my goal at least. after benzo withdrawal, and the remeron withdrawal that followed, i know i can weather whatever storm. i'll own the pain. i'm not a tough guy at all. but withdrawal has showed me two things: that i can live through hell on earth and that the anxiety and depression that underlies my personal psychology is "normal," and manageable without the use of chemical substances. thanks for taking the time to read this. and no matter where you are on your own journey, hang in there. when i was 129lbs and barely able to move, barely cognizant of who i was, i doubted that i would ever heal. i am almost there, community. you will be too. hang in there...
  6. I have been taking Trazadone since January 2014. I started with .75 Traz and have been slowly tapering the past six months. I am now down to .38 Traz after making a cut 2 nights ago from .45 Traz.. I take it at night to sleep along with 7.5 Remeron. I have been doing well with sleeping on the .45 which I have been holding the past 2 months. Last night my sleep was very light and fitful after the cut. I doubt I got that much sleep. Also, this October I will be on year off Ambien 10 mg. I am looking for some encouragement from folks who have been down this road before with Trazadone. Any success stories out there? How did you feel along the way with tapering? How was your sleep? How did you feel one week off Traz, three weeks off, a month off?
  7. Gridley

    AuRam: 12 days on mirtazapine

    Welcome to SA, AuRam. To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly. Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature. We're a site for going off psychiatric drugs and telling you how long to stay on a drug is outside the scope of what we do. In terms of tapering, the less time you're on a drug the better. Generally, after one month on a psychiatric drug a person is at risk of withdrawal. If you've only been on the drug for 12 days, you might be able to just stop the drug now or to taper it rapidly over the next two weeks. I will run this question by the other moderators and administrators. Please don't make any changes before I hear from them. After one month, we recommend tapering no faster than 10% of your current dose (not original dose) every four weeks. Why taper by 10% of my dosage? A 10% taper off 15mg will take longer than 10 months. Using a 10%/4 week taper, you will decrease your dose by half every 6 months. So after six months you'll be at 7.5mg, after another 6 months you'll be around 3.8mg and so on. This link is specifically about tapering Mirtazapine, including how to get the nonstandard doses you'll need for a 10% taper. Tips for tapering off mirtazapine (Remeron) We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members. We're glad you found your way here.
  8. Hey everybody, As the title says, I'm new on the site but I've been on a long journey fighting with depression and withdrawal from several drugs. I still have a long path to go and I think it's time I drop by and seek guidance from moderators and everybody else here on a similar path. Hope you'll hear me out and thank you for this site. I have been stalking you sporadically for almost 2 years and I have found lots of explanations for my horrible experiences which I couldn’t explain for such a long time. I have done so many things wrong and this cost me too much. I was hesitant to join because of several reasons but maybe mostly because I'm undergoing an intense psychotherapy which I wanted to focus on and so I wanted to keep distance from all the suffering here same as I wanted to keep everybody from my own. My new approach was to focus on my emotional world and not neuro biological like I always done in the past. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, and felt so but now I am very confused, tired and lost.... I'm not sure what is happening to me, what are life stressors in the present, what is childhood trauma and recent past stressors, what is WD. I hope somebody can help me evaluate my progress and situation so I would be able to finish what I started and that is to be drug free someday. I was so determined to do it just until recently, now I’m very demoralized and negative. With respect for everybody's stories, I'm a complicated one, I'll try to be brief but there is just so much. I know the resent WD is most important but everything seems interconnected since I've been walking this dark path for nearly 2 decades and I've been on most of SSRI but other drugs as well, some pretty strong combos. Pardon my English, I'm not native. I'm 38 years old male who likes outdoors, being active in life, spend time in nature and with people but I've been dealing with depression and taking most of AD drugs from when I was 19 or 20 years old. My childhood was tough. I was a very good athlete, quite emotional but healthy optimistic kid but at the age of 16 I entered the world of street drugs. I started with marijuana but soon I was overusing everything in a mix from ecstasy, amphetamines, cocaine and heroin. I've hit the bottom at around the age of 19 -20 but I managed to get out of it. I was dealing with everything alone without a family support and this was my primary mission, to keep away from the street. I did ask for help since I was very depressive and I've been taking antidepressants ever since. Doctors at the time said that I've damaged my brain and that I need chemicals same as diabetics need insulin. I've tried many SSRI but mostly I was on Prozac 20 mg and occasionally some benzos like diazapine. I have had good and bad periods during the next 10 years, but I was hoping I'll someday manage to win the fight against depression which was caused by street drugs. I didn't know any better so with the help of the drugs ( which were fixing me, ha) and my own doings in life, I thought in time everything will fall into place. I have tried to come of the Prozac several times during the good periods but my depression would come back after while so I would simply get back on the drug as doctors recommended. The period from 2008-2010 was great because I've managed to let go some things from the past and live without the burden of the street. This is what I call my BC time. In my AD time, so from around 2010., instead of wining my fight I have started losing. Prozac pooped out and around the same time I've developed severe ED symptoms. I've visited my shrink after 5 years or so and I was prescribed Wellbutrin, after 7 years I CT-ed Prozac. This has resulted in a disaster. I have developed strong state of depersonalization and derealisation. My first anti-psychotic was then prescribed -Seroquel. After about 6 months I came back to "normal" and CT it, then started Zoloft as my new strategy instead of Prozac more from fear than from real depression as I was ok at the time. My ED and depression were back. Things are going bad from here, I was changing drug after drug and I was sinking deeper and deeper. For a period I have quit all drugs and I would call this my first real withdrawal suffering even though I wasn't aware of it and I was convinced by my doctor that I have chronic depression and need to find my AD that works and that I'll have to take it lifelong. I had my doubts but I didn't know anything about WD, I didn't have all this info. Eventually I was functional and ok. I have started my own business, had lots of friends, I was active in life but from the inside I was broken, some old childhood traumas were bugging me. To deal with it I was pushing myself in business and activities, so running away from it, I was trying to beat my emotions with my mind and action. In 2015. my life was on a lift. I was feeling successful and that things are falling in place around me but I wasn't great. I still had ED problems and in general I started to believe that the drugs could be the problem so I cold turkied Lexapo. Another disaster happened, off course. This time it was really bad. For the first time in my life I wasn't able to take care of my self, I was stuck to my bed, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't walk, I couldn't think, I lost mind mind, I was extremely depressed. I was suffering really badly and I couldn't explain it to my self. I have changed 4 doctors hoping to find an explanation similar to this site but I just was keep getting the same answers, that my depression came back and I need meds.as a primary tool. As I was really bad, my company was suffering too so I had to try to get back on my feet and all of a sudden I was on a cocktail of 4 drugs: Effexor XR 150, Seroguel 75 mg, Lamictal 100 mg and 4 x 0,5 Diazepam. This was a real horror, but after couple of months on this cocktail I was back on my feet, I was back to work- very stressful, seasonal work with long hours . To cut the story short I was far from good but I was functional, despite severe insomnia, chronic diarrhea, depression.... doctors kept changing drugs partially because I was complaining so in the next period I have been up dosed effexor to 225mg, tried the Abilify and eventually after three years of insomnia I tried Remeron ( 2017). I have started reducing the meds on my own from 2016-2017 sort of with an goal to find the lowest possible dose. By the beginning of 2017 I have reduced everything to 56 mg Effexor XR (taking 37,5 mg one day, 75 mg the second day) and 30 mg Remeron combo. Around this time my new shrink recognized that I might have Borderline personality disorder. My moral was crushed, I didn't know what to think and who to believe any more, including my self. All of a sudden we talk about emotional disorder and not chemical imbalance. I have become a very angry and bitter person, anhedonic, frustrated and depressed. Let’s call this modern or recent time: I have started a 3 month day care program in hospital to learn about Borderline Personality Disorder at the end of 2016 and entered a private psycho-dynamic therapy in March 2017., quite fast I've had some great results, at first. My therapist believed that my problems are emotional and not biological and after a while I believed it myself. I have realized that all previous years I have been treating the damage from the street drugs - thinking that was the cause of everything and not my childhood traumas and my own psyche which caused taking drugs in the first place. By that logic my depression could be emotional and not biological which previous 10 doctors made me believe. All of a sudden I've had both responsibility and power to do something new about it. In November 2017 I have experienced a deep catharsis and sort of enlightenment, I allowed my self to feel and get in touch with my self. I have found my soul and cried from the bottom of it. I didn't even believe in soul for a long time out of bitterns and depair, and I never cried in 20 years. There are no good words to describe a liberation and realization that all those years I was suffering because of childhood trauma, that my depression was my defense from it and my sadness but in the same time a self given unconscious torture. I realized that I was looking at the world black and white, and I was always choosing black. All these AD drugs were only covering up my sadness and I might not even needed them. It's like my brain fired up millions of new neurons at once. This is in short of course.:) Things around me were really good, my company was doing well, I got my girl back and fell in love, I got a dog... I got a lot of energy for sports overnight and most importantly I was in love in myself for the first time in 20 years. I started to believe in my feelings and I was excited about continuing my therapy and decided to face everything buried in me and hidden under the drugs. I wanted to learn and understand my emotions. I found this site and believed it's possible to get off, even after so long which was troubling me. This was all a bit much to take in but I have started reducing the drugs, I was thinking it will be easy now because I've broke the curse of depression and that there is no going back. From this site I have realized that I have suffered so much because doctors suggested CT so many times before. I wasn't even angry because of all my lost years at that point. My plan was to tamper "slowly" from now on....off course I was rushing. WD: While my therapist did point out I might not be needing meds, I was alone in my taper. This part was my responsibility, my therapist told me he is not familiar with how to do it. As I was enthusiastic, I started it. From November 2017 - March 2018 I have reduced Effexor from 55 mg to 37,5 mg ( dropping out the 75mg pill) and Remeron from 30 mg to 15 mg ( cutting out the thirds of half a 30 mg tablets). I got into a severe withdrawal in March and April 2018 ( anxiety, panic, vomiting, body shaking, confusion,...) but I came back to being very good in May. This has strong-ed my will and determination even more. I realized that I've been going too fast but as well I have been happy that I've reached the limit of "therapeutic dosage". My plan was to tamper Remeron to 3,5 mg and keep it for sleep while I tampering Effexor which was worrying me more. Unfortunately soon, my luck has somehow turned around beyond my control. My company was facing bankruptcy after 6 years of hard work and I was facing a lot of possible personal dept. This has caused severe chronic stress and overworking myself from June 2017- November 2017. I continued tampering despite that because I wasn’t afraid of Remeron. Stupid! By September I was burned out, physically and psychologically. My last drop of Remeron was on August 15th when I reached 7,5mg. At that point I couldn't proceed and I decided to make a longer stop. I've been experiencing lots of bad symptoms like racing negative thoughts, fatigue, confusion, brain fog,.... I thought it was simply from stress, it didn't occur to me that it could be WD... and I still wonder how would things play out if stress wasn't involved and some other life drama from the time. It was hard to jump from joy and happiness back to depressive thinking and horrible feelings. My relationship which I feel I've invested my self a lot in was over, my company which I've worked hard for was at the bottom, my progress in therapy and taper stopped. I didn't lose all hope. I thought all I needed is good rest. I did have a window and a good period in December 2018 so I decided to continue my taper in January, which was my primary goal, more slowly this time - around 10% Remeron monthly, thinking good thinks will come for being brave. From February 2019 to today it was really hard. I have been pushing the 10% despite not being stable at any point and I am experiencing long waves of depression, anxiety, panic, brain fog, anhedionia... a lot od bad symptoms changing without no real pattern. My memory and cognition is really bad. What is most scary is that I feel that I lost my self after so much hard work and soul changing. It’s like again I’m switched from emotional to neuro biological case. This is hard to understand. I'm demoralized. I can't figure out for which symptoms, I am responsible and what is WD to blame. I do have short windows but even than I can't feeli'm back to "normal". my WD normal seems it's bad and that I'm having a fall instead of slight healing. I'm back to being too harsh to myself. I hope that I'm just depressive and scared because of WD but I can’t see anything clearly. My tampering now seems like impossible to finish. My therapy is suffering because of WD, my WD is suffering because of the therapy. I wish to continue both because I know that I need to deal with emotions under the drugs and I need to get of the drugs to deal with it. One of the reasons I didn't join sooner is because I read here you don't recommend intense therapy while in WD. I get it, it could be to hard and it is at times, everything multiplies while in WD, but how to solve my equation especially if this is going to last for another multiple years? I have decided to stop and hold. My last drop was on May 5th and I'm holding at Effexor XR 37,5 mg and Remeron 4,2 mg. I was hoping that I'll feel better by this time ( 3-4 months stop) so I could decide what to do next but I don’t know how to proceed. I don't know what is wise. Sometimes it seems like I’m closer than ever to being drug free and in the next moment that is impossible. I hope you could evaluate my situation and process? Apologies for the long post, I know it’s a bit much but I've cut out a lot trust me.
  9. juneight

    Gridley

    Hi Grid, i am seeing you have had a conscious taper plan with lexapro. It should have been easy to push it in 3 years i think. I have a plan for remeron to finish it in 3 years for the sake of being functional. That sounds right to you?
  10. It's been a while...and the world changed...outer and inner I hope that everybody is keeping safe as much as possible in this changed world and difficult times... It's been about a year since I posted here in distress. I haven't got many answers then but to hold and I figured yes, I will hold my taper and hold myself along the way. I did so from May 2019 to January 2020 when I felt a bit better. The year was at the end, I have survived lots of challenges and felt positive because I made new plans to make this year more tolerable by new business arrangements ( selling my company and finding an easier job) and new private commitments for self care. I have continued to gently taper Remeron starting at only 2,5 % in Jan, Feb, March...Than the world turned upside down. I was holding in April and May. During the time of the Covid lockdown till this day I've been through stresses of major earthquake, destruction of property, family drama and release of old traumas, business plans and new job plans collapsed, lots of medical issues like severe nerve back pain which stuck me to a bed, my dog got severely injured and is still recovering without a guaranty and so on.... I have been reducing Remoron gently again from June - 2.5% and in July and August by 2.5 % every two weeks. Why ? Because I felt like the dose of 4.2 was really bad for me. I think the dose it self was producing strong symptoms of somnolence, sedation ( sleeping till 10 am, not being functional till noon, sleeping in the afternoon), body ache, brain fog.... I think I don't do well on low dose of Remeron which works very differently in low doses then in higher. At the moment I am around 3.3.mg. So all together I have reduced about 1 mg during 9 months... I am not well...actually I don't think I'm managing any more. My symptoms are strong depression and anxiety, brain fog, negative thinking, body ache...most frighting like I'm losing my mind or psyche. I can't think clearly. I do have windows here and there but I'm so tired and confused even than. I am generally very tired and confused. I would be very thankful if somebody could help out by advise and clear thinking. Should I hold, reinstate, up dose or slowly continue my taper? I was hoping that by reducing Remeron very gently I would start to feel better ( getting to lover doses). Some things improved like waking up in the morning around 7-8 am, sometimes I have the strength for an 1-2 hours of hiking or biking. However my emotional and mental capacities are so low and frightening. I am afraid that all the things happening around me and inside me are just too much. Last year I was thinking that I'm so close to get rid of this poison but not it looks impossible. I hope to taper at least Remeron to 0. But even that looks impossible. I am seriously thinking about up dosing or even returning to the beginning taking a full dose of Remeron. I don't like saying this but not sure what to do. I started my taper 3 years ago and it's crazy how much life was throwing bad stuff at me during all this time, especially the last two years. I started my taper in a good position both inside and out but so many things are against me now and quite possible in the future with work for instance. I don't want to quit and make all managed suffering for nothing but I don't know how I can continue. Is this a long bad wave or have I messed everything up and I'm in relapse now? Sorry if I'm overly pessimistic in this difficult times but I'm in big distress. Hope to hear from somebody. Musa
  11. Dear Erell, Thank you for your reply and compassion. I know that you have been struggling and helping others in the same time. That's very inspiring. You should be proud of your self. My respect to you. I have updated my signature, sorry for that.I work in weight from this year and have been troubling with the math as my head doesn't work best. I think it's about right. According to my last year's calculation 40 mg of a tablet weight contains about 4,2 mg of Remeron. This year I have been reducing by 1 mg of weight from 40 ( 2,5 %). Now closer to 30 mg of weight percentages are slightly higher so between 2,5 % -3.5 % every two weeks from June. It checks out if I compare that 7.5 mg of Remeron weights 70 mg, so 35 of weight is 3,75 mg of Remeron. Now I'm holding at the weight of 32 mg which should be around 3.3. mg of Remeron. Looking forward to hearing from you.
  12. Hi, all. Thank you so much for providing this site. I’ve been inspired by the stories here, and look forward to my own recovery and hope to help others as I can along the way. It’s been a hellish year… I have a rather long story – 99% of which takes place within the last year – so please bear with me. I’ll write this out in a timeline for organization’s sake. In essence, I have a history of anxiety and depression, and have OCD. I have been suffering from severe postpartum anxiety (PPA) and depression (PPD) since delivering my son in May 2018 – exacerbated by a move out East so I could start my PhD, the decline and death of my dog, dealing with childhood trauma, etc. I was on Prozac and Xanax as needed before I was pregnant and went off without any problems while we were trying to conceive. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Here we go… 1999ish – 2005 (6th grade – high school) (Zoloft, Lexapro, Wellbutrin) I was diagnosed with severe academic perfectionism and OCD and put on (I think) Zoloft first (not sure of dosage). In the years that followed, I was on Lexapro and Wellbutrin, all in various combinations. I don’t remember timing or dosages. I don’t remember having a hard time coming on or off any of the meds. I was chronically ill in high school, though, with fatigue, mono, sinusitis, shingles (to be fair, I had immunological issues before going on meds, too, and a complicated family situation). I took the year after high school off to recover, went off all meds. All I remember is feeling tired and my sleep being on a weird schedule. 2005 – 2009 (no meds) I started taking some community college classes, started volunteering, and then working full-time. Started paying more attention to my diet (went off gluten and most dairy after I realized it made me feel better). Was doing very, very well. Summer 2009 – Summer 2017 (40 mg Prozac daily, ? Xanax PRN rarely taken; occasional supplements - multi vitamin, vitamin D, fish oil, probiotics) Started on 40mg Prozac (slow taper to START it), as a ‘preventative’ measure against OCD and perfectionism (I know… probably wasn’t necessary, but I can’t prove a negative) as I was about to start at a university in the fall of 2009; I was pushed by family (also on psych meds) to start. I think it helped somewhat but it’s hard to know. Eventually, I had an Rx of Xanax, which I took maybe 5-10x/year as needed. I did well in college, though, started a great career, went to the UK on scholarship to do my Master’s and then decided to QUICKLY taper off the Prozac when my husband and I (we married in 2014) decided to conceive. I don’t remember having any issues coming off the Prozac. I was on it fairly consistently for 8 years. Summer 2017 – May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Pregnant, more depressed than usual, especially after moving back home from the UK and being unsure of what was next. Still, did the damn GRE, applied to PhD programs, got into a great program out East, started setting up our life out there. Obsessive compulsive symptoms were worse than usual but not unmanageable. Late May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Delivered my son. Epidural, long labor. Started breastfeeding. Early June 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Had a week of awful insomnia and anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but it went away. Early June – Mid-July (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Doing okay, just exhausted and depressed (I was breastfeeding around the clock). One week in mid-July 2018 (? Xanax, one-time dosage ~6mg Zoloft, and one-time dosage 2mg Ativan, one-time dosage ? Klonopin in hospital; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Then, at around 7 postpartum weeks - BAM - I was hit with a week of NO SLEEP. I just couldn't sleep and I lost my appetite. I had been given an Rx for Zoloft by my OBGyn and took a very small amount that Friday (I wanted to ease in). That night, all my symptoms were much worse – and I also felt this severe restlessness in my limbs. It was AWFUL. I even tried Xanax to calm me down (I gave to my son pumped breastmilk). My anxiety was so bad that I went to the ER that Sunday. They drew blood and it turned out that my blood sodium was dangerously low (126) - possibly due to not eating enough and drinking too much water. They gave me Ativan (2 mg – which was A LOT for my system), some Klonopin, too, eventually, and fluids overnight and I felt MUCH better the next day. I was given Ativan and Remeron as needed but didn't need to take it for a few weeks. Mid-July to Late Aug 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) I was fine for a few weeks, and then my family and I moved out East, where I was attending grad school (I’m now on medical leave). The anxiety and insomnia came back around the move in August. I took Ativan (0.5 – 1 mg) as needed each day and had some rebound anxiety but was able to get through until setting up care there. I was assigned an interim psychiatrist (before being placed with a regular one), who Rxed me 0.5 Ativan to take at night to sleep for 10 days. This worked for sleep, but not the overall anxiety and depression. Due to breastfeeding concerns, they switched me to Trazodone (25-50 mg), which worked ok for sleep. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep on my own for a couple/few nights. That would be the last time I could do that to-date. Late Aug to Late Sept 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily, 1-5mg Prozac, 25-50 mg Trazodone; supplements: postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, probiotics?) I started seeing a regular psychiatrist in early September, and we agreed I should go back on the Prozac with 1 mg Ativan/day as needed. We started sloooow on the Prozac - 1mg, then 2, then 5. By week 3, I had lost my appetite completely, and my anxiety was through the roof - just on 5mg (I was on 40 before becoming pregnant, so I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so terribly). The Trazodone was no longer helping me sleep, and was giving me terrible dry mouth. My limbs felt like they were vibrating. My psydoc FINALLY directed me to go off the Prozac and Ativan, and Rxed me just Klonopin 0.75mg/day. In addition to the psychiatrist, I saw a primary care doc, who checked my thyroid, adrenal glands (several tests there), vitamin levels, and other things - all normal. My blood sodium has still been a little low, but they believe it's due to not eating enough. Oct 2018 (Klonopin 0.25 – 0.75mg/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) My appetite returned but it was never the same. I was sleeping better, but not well – maybe 6 hours at most, sometimes waking in a panic. I could only take one class. I was very depressed and frustrated, and deeply confused as to why I wasn’t responding to medications. But I felt BETTER than when I was on the Prozac, and was able to feel like I could sleep on my own again, and on just 0.25mg Klonopin/day – but the plan was to let me ‘settle’ and then try a new AD, sooo… Nov 2-4 2018 (25mg Anafranil at night, 0.25-0.5mg Klonopin/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) The psydoc suggested Anafranil, a TCA. The day I started it, we put my dog down and I stopped breastfeeding (I had been tapering on that for months). It wasn’t a great time to start something. But I did. I took it the night of the 2nd, fell asleep instantly, then woke up feeling SO GOD AWFUL about 3 hours later. I had a tremor, I vomited, I couldn’t eat. My husband had to hold me while I shook in bed. I called the psydoc and she told me to keep taking it, sounding annoyed with me. So I pushed through for three days – but that was all I could do. Until then, that was the worst I have ever felt. Nothing could calm me down. Things start heating up here, so I’ll spare some details and focus more on the med changes… Nov 5-8 2018 I barely remember these days. Sleep was poor, I felt awful. Then on a Thursday night, I was up all night with panic attacks. I called my therapist and made the decision to go into the psych hospital. Nov 9 – 15 2018 (In hospital, put on 0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day and worked up to 100 mg Seroquel at night) I didn’t start sleeping until I was put on a combination of Seroquel and Klonopin. BUT, I remember this creeping feeling of “buzziness” and restlessness when I woke up everyday. That feeling would continue to get worse over the coming weeks and stay with me to the present. Nov 15 – Early Dec 2018 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day → 0.25mg Klonopin 2x/day; 100mg Seroquel at night; some supplements – don’t remember) I left the hospital taking 100mg Seroquel at night and 0.5 mg klonopin 2x/day. I officially went on medical leave from grad school. I stuck with this doseage for 2ish weeks, was sleeping well but feeling horribly depressed and anxious, then started to quickly taper the Klonopin. I don’t remember how quickly – but I wasn’t taking anymore than 0.5mg/day by early December. I then tapered on the Seroquel after feeling SO much worse when an IOP psydoc tried bumping the dose to 125mg; I remember not being able to sit still – going outside to pace. No tremor – just pacing, fidgeting, and losing a lot of weight. Early December 2018 – Early Jan 2019 (1mg Ativan at night, 2.5mg Zyprexa at night, 25-100mg Lamictal; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) I made the decision to move back home to do a program specialized in PPD (we ended by moving back entirely later that winter). In the program, I was put on 0.5-1mg Ativan at night, 2.5 mg Zyprexa at night (for sleep – though it never helped), and titrated up to 100mg Lamictal (the psydoc suspected a bipolar spectrum diagnosis). I was still incredibly restless, unable to sit down and just enjoy a movie. And my sleep was growing worse and worse. It was awful – then my mood grew worse and worse as we went up on the Lamictal; I also had increasingly bad tinnitus and TMJ. I was hospitalized as my thinking became suicidal – just ideations, but I was ready to go back in… Early to Mid-Jan 2019 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day, 5mg Paxil/day, 50mg Benadryl at night; 0.25-1mg Risperidone 1-2x/day; some supplements?; THEN back to 150mg Seroquel) In the hospital, I was taken off the Lamictal and put on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep), and Risperidone 0.25mg once or twice a day (I don’t remember). I became increasingly orthostatic (low BP, high HR). I stabilized mood-wise – sorta – and left the hospital feeling off, but better… Within days, though, we tried increasing the Risperidone, and my HR went up to 140 (I think we tried 1 mg). I wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. I was taken off the Risperidone, stayed on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep). Eventually, as my sleep diminished, the PPD IOP doc put me back on Seroquel (I has actually asked to go back on) – but suggested as much as 150mg. After that, my mood really shifted and became erratic; I was really upset and angry at my husband and suicidal ideation returned. So it was suggested I go back in the hospital... Late Jan to Mid-Feb 2019: 3-week hospital stay (see below for crazy med changes) All the docs agreed I didn’t need to be in there this long (everyone kept asking why I was still there), but there I was so they could keep throwing stuff at me to see if something stuck. I was holding out hope SOMETHING would work this time...: First week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 100 mg Seroquel at night, 300mg XR lithium 2x/day (HORRIBLE stomach reaction, especially when the doc abruptly pulled the Seroquel) Second week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, some amount of Depakote (I don’t remember – wasn’t improving, irritable), tried PRNs of 12.5mg Seroquel and became really depressed Third week: 1 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 1200mg gabapentin (taken as 300mg twice during the day, and 600mg at night). That’s how I left the hospital. Mid-Feb to Early-March 2019: (0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 300mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 600mg at night, brief re-trial of lithium – 150mg; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics?) Instantly went down to 0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day (fear of dependence). New trauma-based IOP. Was very constipated. Tried low-dose lithium (150mg) as lithium seemed to be the only med to be helping to-date (along with benzos); was improving somewhat mood-wise, but the stomach issues were SO bad, so we went off. After going off lithium, my restlessness SKYROCKETED, and was particularly bad for 10 days. My stomach was AWFUL; I was taking antacids all the time; seemed to be worse after taking gabapentin, so the new IOP doc cut THAT dosage in half. Developed a tremor. The new IOP psydoc diagnosed me with akathisia – FINALLY. I had NEVER heard of that before (although, in retrospect, I think it has been mentioned to me in the hospital as a possible side-effect of the antipsychotics – but I remember them saying “you can get this, but I don’t see that in you, so…” and so I ignored it (dumb)). When I read about it, I felt so frustrated; this had, no doubt, been plaguing me since at least the one-time Zoloft attempt in July - and in particular since the first Seroquel doseage in November. Doc suggested I reduce my Seroquel from 50 to 25mg; I couldn’t do that for a couple of weeks. Early to Mid-March (→0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, brief re-trial of Depakote – don’t remember dosage; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Continue reducing my Klonopin down to 0.25mg during the day and 0.5mg at night. We tried XR Depakote as a Hail Mary in the med department. It seemed to help a bit, but also increased some of the restlessness. At this point – and this should have come sooner for me – I was done – just DONE– with med changes. My body needed a break. I haven’t added or taken away and particular meds since (with one exception - the propranolol, see below) – though I have reduced the dosages… Early April (0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, up to 70mg propranolol throughout the day; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Was diagnosed with thyroiditis (my thyroid had been normal as recently as January) – a relatively common thing postpartum, but it was ‘late’ to arrive to be postpartum thyroiditis, so doctors suspected the lithium. B/c I was hyperthyroid first (usually follows a pattern of a few months in 'hyper'/overactive mode, followed by anywhere from 3 to 18 (or more) months underactive. I was put on propranolol (taking as much as 70mg throughout the day). That seemed to help the tremor, heart palpitations, and restlessness maybe 50-75% of the time. But it crashed my BP. Early-April to Present (see below) We’ve moved into a new, stable house (both good and really stressful). As of early June, I am off the Seroquel. I tapered from 25 to 0mg by reducing by about 6.25mg every two weeks or so. I tried re-starting it to do an every-other-day ending taper, and felt instantly WORSE, so I am done. But it was probably too quick a taper. I NEVER want to take another antipsychotic again, though; I can point to the beginning of the worst parts of this whole cluster to starting Seroquel, and the akathisia that ensues and continues. I reduced the daytime Klonopin to 0 (though I’ve had to take a 0.0625mg to 0.125mg PRN three times in June as things have grown worse). I still take 0.5mg Klonopin at night. In June, I also went off the propranolol – too quickly – and have been having heart palpitations, and have been orthostatic. My BP was just getting to be so, so low. Now, taking any amount of it seems to make me more agitated/restless or, at best, woozy. In June, I also got ambitious and reduced the gabapentin from taking 400 mg during the day (200mg 2x/day) to 0 at the end of June, mostly b/c I thought it was making me feel worse; I’m not sure on this STILL (or if it ever did much of anything). I still take 300mg at night with 0.5 mg Klonopin. May was my best month - not great (I was still constantly restless, struggled with my appetite, and was really disoriented and depressed), but it felt more manageable. I should have done a slower taper on all things when I felt more stable, then – but here I am. June started out okay but, after going off the Seroquel and trying a glass of wine again (out with a friend), it’s been awful; the akathisia is back in full swing. NOW I seem to have reached this point where my body won’t tolerate much of anything again – as if it’s saying “if you’re done with one, then you’re going to be done with them ALL.” I’ve also noticed that the first half of my menstrual cycle is FAR AND AWAY WORSE than the latter half – and am trying to explore ways to (as naturally as possible) balance my hormones. I tried bioidentical progesterone cream that an integrative MD Rxed and it helped somewhat, but caused cramping and spotting and an upset stomach – no go. Currently Taking 0 – 200mg gabapentin during the day; 300mg gabapentin at night 0.5mg Klonopin at night 5mg melatonin (+10mg B6 – combo pill) at night Fish oil (1400mg EPA + 480 DHA) in morning and afternoon 1500mg primrose oil morning and afternoon 200-400mg magnesium glycinate at night, and magnesium oxide throughout day 2000mg vitamin D afternoon Cal+Mag+Potassium supplement afternoon 2 kinds of probiotics morning Multivitamin morning What Makes Things Worse Alcohol; I haven’t been able to tolerate this since sometime early spring – makes me SUPER anxious. Any antihistamine; it used to help me sleep but something in the last 2-4 months has changed my brain so I now feel WORSE the next morning. Some vitamins (I say that b/c I sometimes feel more buzzy after taking a multivitamin; on the other hand, sometimes I feel better) Caffeine (not that I’ve tested this too much; the most I ever drink is a cup of green tea, and I haven’t been able to do that in weeks) Antacids (found that out the hard way) What Helps Epsom salt baths Sweating Crying (when I am able to) Walking (especially in sunshine) Melatonin (at night – for sleep) Klonopin (but I am trying not to go over 0.5mg/day – mostly at night; and want to taper off) Massage Stretching Kombucha (not too much, though b/c caffeine) Apple cider vinegar + lemon water (ahead of meals and when I have an upset stomach – at east once/day) Eating enough (really tough to do right now) Not Sure if it Helps (tried/trying it) Acupuncture (doing this for a few months now) Therapy – CBT, talk Gabapentin (want to taper off anyway) Primrose oil Multivitamin Fish oil Magnesium Calcium CBD oil What I Need Help With I’m here b/c I need to feel like I’m not crazy when the psydoc says this isn’t still akathisia. I KNOW it is – I KNOW it’s protracted withdrawal and the effect of such a brain-altering year. I know this b/c, even in my most anxious moments pre-postpartum medications, I never felt this protracted insatiable restlessness and dread. I was a champ at sleeping (though a night owl). And my appetite was always solid (too much so, at times). This is DIFFERENT. I also want to get off the gabapentin and the Klonopin – but do so in a smart way. I’m not sure the gabapentin is a net evil right now and shouldn’t be taken off altogether? And is the gabapentin the best thing to drop first? And I need help managing the akathisia. I've read some tips here, and will explore those. Any help on the hormone piece would be invaluable. There is something there. I feel the effects of akathisia/withdrawal/autonomic disregulation far more at the start of my cycle. And this whole postpartum period has been inherently hormonally disregulating (compounded by meds like Depakote, which altered my cycle). Anyone else? Anything help? I plan to keep a more focused journal as this site recommends and track my symptoms alongside food, supplement, and med changes. Of course, what sucks THE MOST is the lost time and what's been taken - from the joy of being a new mother, to what was supposed to be a fulfilling career move in pursuing my PhD (I might have to give up my place now b/c I'm so disabled), to feeling defective for not responding to the 'right treatments.' The worst year of your life should not also be the first year of motherhood. To those of you that read this monster of a post – or event 10% - THANK YOU.
  13. sillylady

    sillylady

    Hi! I was on the following meds: Seroquel for 3 years, off for 3 1/2 years, Gabapentin for 14 years off for 4 years, Zoplicone for 7 months off for 4 years and Remeron on for 39 months and I'm still suffering horrendously with the following symptoms and appear 2 b getting worse every day: Burning, tingling, numbness throughout body and brain, burning brain, dp/dr, chronic insomnia (very little sleep if any most nights) adrenaline surges, vibrations throughout body and brain, myoclonic jerks, blurry vision, chronic fatigue/exhaustion, hearing loss, heart palps, panicky/jittery, and more. It seems every time I get a small window the next day my symptoms come back even worse than before. I constantly feel like I'm losing my mind and am still back at square one of my taper. I feel like I've been permanently brain damaged by these poisons and my only option 2 getting any peace is 2 die. I have no quality of life, very few, if any friends, no family (want me dead) and have suffered very debilitating post traumatic stress disorder and believe I'm in post acute w/d syndrome. Is anyone else getting off these poisons still suffering as intensely and as long as I am? I'm terrified I will stay this way 4 the rest of my life as I'm having more waves than windows at this point and instead of feeling better I feel much worse. I should never have been on these poisons in the first place as I'm not psychiatric or mentally ill. I was put on them at 12 years old and have been on and off them most of my life. I was actually off all psych poisons for 13 years between 1990 and 2003 but went on Seroquel, Gabapentin and Remeron when my thyroid malfunctioned in 2003 and I started having what I thought were severe anxiety/panic attacks and insomnia. It took my doctor a year to figure out it was my thyroid but by then I was heavily addicted to the psych meds. I got off the Seroquel after a year but stayed on the Remeron and Gabapentin for 14 years. In 2013 I started having symptoms again which I now know were tolerance symptoms 2 the Gabapentin and Remeon but mistook them for anxiety/panic attack and insomnia. I later added in Zoplicone 7.5 mg. h.s. for 7 months. I slow tapered off these meds and have now been off everything for 39 months. At the present time I'm really struggling and would appreciate any support, words of encouragement and understanding. Also, I would like 2 hear from anyone that has been on these poisons for an extended period of time, suffered as intensely as I have and made it out the other side in one piece.
  14. I want to know how to get off of this medication because I Dont like how it's making me feel it makes me feel so numb so I want out but I don't know how to. I've had this medication for 1/2 a month and I took it off and on during this time and now I'm worried that I might've ruin my nervous system from taking it at different times of the night .I don't know what to do My dad said just stop taking it but I know that's not safe at all I had went through withdrawal symptoms like around 3 days when I didn't take them which shows me to take it slow I guess I didn't take them again today but yesterday i did I only have 17 pills left I don't know what to do I'm really lost at this moment any advice would be nice thanks
  15. Hi all. I have been on a combo of Risperdal and Zoloft since 2012. I reached 3mg risperdal and 200mg zoloft in early 2016, tried to taper off both starting in June of that year, and had a bout of insomnia in November, at which time I reinstated along with an additional 15mg remeron. Adding the remeron, I've learned, was a huge mistake and most likely unnecessary. Since then I've slept at most 6 hours instead of my usual 8. For the first 2 months on remeron I avoided caffeine and tobacco. Then, after picking up both again, my sleep suffered, and I eventually had nights with 2-3 hours. I've since learned that caffeine and tobacco induce the enzyme CYP1A2, which metabolizes remeron, explaining this. By abstaining from both, my sleep has returned. I have also tried shaving a sliver off my 15mg pill with no luck...getting a full night without sleep. I would like to be able to drink coffee and smoke again. That leaves me with 2 options, get off the remeron (seemingly impossible) or tolerate the lack of sleep. If I do the latter, will my sleep eventually not recover even when abstinent due to repeated withdrawals? I had been planning to use coffee and cigs only sporadically, letting my sleep return before using them again, or using only on the weekends. If I that is not sustainable, then how do you recommend I get off the remeron, given my sensitivity to even a small dose decrease? My doc has suggested trazodone as a replacement, but that med interacts with my other meds and a post about it here scared me away. Thank you so much for your help.
  16. Mimi79

    Mimi79: Will I survive?

    @brassmonkey. I would like to understand the difference between WD symptoms and Poop-out. How can I tell them apart? I have the feeling I’m in a bad wave, but don’t understand why as I was feeling pretty well and stable since May. How can I get so sick and bad after such good moments? I take care of myself, don’t drink alcool anymore, I’m careful of what I eat, so I don’t figure why I feel so crappy. This is why I’m wondering if it could be a poop-out from Remeron. Thank you so much for your guidance. Mimi79
  17. Hi everyone, After many months of reading and gaining some hope and encouragement from the stories here I decided to join your great forum. Sorry, but this is a very long story. Im a 39 year old male from Australia and I have been taking ssri’s for GAD for the last 10 years. I started on Paxil 20mg for around 18 months and was switched to lexapro 10mg due to weight gain, sexual dysfunction and fatigue. Lexapro was a little better but I really didn’t feel like it was doing much apart from keeping the weight up and the motivation down. I am 6’2 and was always skinny, I never could bulk up. Paxil took me from 78kg and healthy to 100kg and always sweaty in around 12 months. I tried a few times to simply stop the meds but had no idea about withdrawal or tapering and always ended up reinstating due to awful side effects (rage, crying spells etc). The drs always said thats just how you are off the meds...... keep taking them for the rest of your life. They also upped my dosage a few times but I quickly went back to 10mg. In 2017 I felt lexapro wasn’t being effective so the dr straight swapped me to Valdoxan for a few weeks and I felt awful. They then straight swapped me to Prozac and around 4 days into taking that I woke in the middle of the night to terrible ringing in my ears. This was my first introduction to tinnitus. I freaked out and asked to be put back on lexapro. I reinstated at 10mg again and everything calmed down after about 7-8 weeks of hell. The tinnitus that was in both ears and the middle of my head reduced to a tiny amount only in my left ear. I now know this was likely my last chance at reinstatement working for me..... more on that soon. So another few years went past and the side effects of weight gain, heat intolerance, sexual dysfunction and the general feeling of “blah” were just too much for me to handle. I began a taper in January of 2019 and went from 10mg to 7.5mg for 4 weeks. I then went to 5mg for 4 weeks and finally 2.5mg for 4 weeks. I felt okay during the taper, my tinnitus was a little bit louder but not enough to bother me, I was more irritable and I had brain zaps. The real “fun” began around 12 weeks after the taper off the medication...... I had a panic attack and fell into one of the episodes that put me on meds in the first place. These were purely anxiety driven and I never felt depressed. I’ve had them since about 13 years of age and I always recovered from them and they lasted from 1 to 3 months usually. They would encompass intrusive thoughts, shakes and shivers, anxiety and panic only. So I decided to jump straight back on the lexapro 10mg thinking all these drs are right and I’m doomed to be on meds for the rest of my life. But something happened that didn’t happen before..... they didn’t work. After a few weeks I felt worse and my ears started to really scream, I had awful insomnia and a really bad eczema rash appeared on my chest and legs. I now know this as a severe reaction to the meds after too fast a taper and too fast of a reinstatement. If I had not jumped straight back on the meds I likely would have had to deal with wd symptoms only and not so many physical ones as well. So after 6 weeks of hell my dr upped my dose to 20mg and I waited another 5 weeks. That didn’t work either, just got worse. My dr referred me to a psychiatrist at this point and things got really bad. He upped my dose to 40mg lexapro, I stuck this out for another 5-6 weeks and it made me no better, actually worse. He then said ssri’s don’t seem to work for you now so let’s try Effexor. We cross tapered that with the lexapro over only a two week period and then all the way to 150mg of Effexor in only 3 weeks. I was desperate and wanted the pain and suffering to just stop. I did consider suicide a lot during this period and I had never been like this before when taking medication. My beautiful partner kept me here with her love and grace. I stuck with the Effexor for 7 weeks and it was just hell, dizziness, insomnia and mini seizure type things were a daily occurrence. I was couch bound and I still had tinnitus screaming away every day. He wanted to up the dose more but by this stage I knew that my body was not accepting any of these meds, I even said to him I think I am having a reaction to these meds. His answer was always that they just make you feel worse before better and that we can keep upping the dose...... That was the last time I saw him, I went back to my GP and asked to try Zoloft in a last ditch attempt to gain some stability and sanity. She cross tapered me to Zoloft and it seemed to calm things down a tiny bit but I was still so, so sick. I made it up to 100mg and was on Zoloft for 3 months before massive amounts of diarrhoea hit me (colitis) plus I was still struggling with SI, tinnitus and now bad depression for the first time in my life. All the fun stuff that comes along with bad reactions to these meds. My Dr CT’d me off the Zoloft and started me on Remeron 30mg..... this one was ok for my sleep issues but made me irritable as hell and didn’t have any effect on the SI, depression and tinnitus. I lasted 6 weeks on it before breaking down again and seeing the Dr. She mentioned Paxil...... like I said, I was desperate and since it worked 10 years ago maybe it would pull me out of this living hell I was in. Since the first episode after WD in June of 2019 and the living hell my life has been, I started Paxil 20mg in April 2020..... this lasted all of 12 weeks and I CT’d the Paxil in July 2020 due to all the above still happening. I happened to come across the SA website in June this year After desperately searching for answers. I’ve read and learnt a lot from everyone and now understand what has happened to me the last 12 months. How I should have tapered waaayyyy slower, how I should have reinstated waaayyy slower and how screwed up our medical system and the makers of these drugs are. I have been med free for 9 weeks and even though I still have loud tinnitus, depression and a host of other Awful symptoms, I have improved more then any time I was on meds. I’m bloody scared of what’s ahead but I will NEVER touch another psych med again in my life. I assume reinstatement is beyond my body now after what it has endured. I hope to be able to vent a little here on my bad days and keep reading the encouraging stories of success whilst pushing on with my life and the healing process. Thanks for taking the time to read my book.... 😂 And thanks to the creators of such a great site.
  18. Kornyboyo1917

    Kornyboyo1917: Remeron 15mg

    Hello, I was put on remeron 1.5 months ago after being hospitalized for severe benzo withdrawal. I have been off benzos for 9 months after a rapid taper. My symptoms are horrific and 24/7. - Racing thoughts/ruminations - Ear-worms (things I watch/read and conversations repeat over and over all day long) - Racing negative thoughts - Intrusive thoughts/memories - Loud inner critic/voice - Sensorimotor Hyperawareness OCD (thinking/thoughts and occasionally other themes) The remeron seemed to help with the pacing akatheisa and terror but did nothing else for my mental symptoms. I started at 7.5 for a week or so and then went up to 15mg. At 15 I got his with depression. Went up to 22.5 for a few days but couldn't handle the anxiety and fear it triggered so went down to 15mg. I don't want to be on remeron anymore because It's interfering with my benzo recovery but my mind is tormenting me on how to come off of it. I don't know much about tapering and what would be the best thing for me since I'm already in benzo withdrawal. I think its making the OCD worse (compulsive researching, chain smoking). The problem is i'm not going to know if I am having new symptoms from discontinuing the remeron or if it was masking some of the benzo withdrawal and it's coming back. Unless i develop new symptoms like DP/DR (which i don't have). I am looking for advice on a taper. I know my situation is different but any help would be appreciated. Thanks
  19. JMBR

    JMBR: Remeron

    Taking between 5-10mg Remeron for sleep for 2.5 months. How should I taper? I have severe, chronic insomnia but Remeron is not working. Is replacing the dose with Trazadone an option or do I need to taper off Remeron first?
  20. Hi @cathnz , I don’t know if you’re still coming on SA, but I just wanted to know how is going your taper? I would like to start my remeron taper and I want to have some insight from people who are in the process. Thank you and hope you are doing well... Mimi79
  21. Hi All, I am new to the group--my name is Jennifer. I have had quite the journey post-partum with my 16 month old son. I was originally put on Zoloft 50mg about 3 weeks after my son was born and stayed on it until mid-March (so about 9 months). I was feeling great that I wanted to come off of the medication. I tapered off of it over a month...it was a difficult taper which makes me wonder if I should have stayed on it longer. But then 5 months after that I went on an intensive yoga retreat and came back with crying jags, anxiety, and insomnia. I went on some herbs for a while to help with adrenal function prescribed by a chiropractor and felt a little better energy wise but was not getting anywhere with the insomnia or crying jags. I discontinued the herbs. Then on the very next day, I went on a nasty ride with psychotropics again with my regular doctor. I wanted relief so I went back on Zoloft but it was so agitating, they needed to give me Lexapro (it's supposedly a little less activating) and Trazadone to sleep. Trazadone worked for one night but I still was so agitated. Then, they ordered me Xanax. After taking one, I felt I wanted to jump out of my skin. I called a psychiatrist and was put on Remeron and Klonopin right away and told to stop everything else. The Remeron helps me sleep but I still feel so overwhelmed at times since coming back from that intensive yoga retreat. The Klonopin helps at times too but I do not want to take it everyday. I am in therapy which is EMDR-based. It has helped but I find it focuses on the negative aspects too much. So we have done some CBT to keep me in the moment. What I am looking for is advice from anyone out there that has had a similar experience with antidepressants and what you did to help yourself. I will be taking saliva tests for cortisol and female hormones tomorrow. Thank God I can send them out on Monday. Other things : 1) I would like to know if anyone knows of a good doctor who understands conventional and holistic care that can help me to slowly get off the Klonopin. I only take 0.25mg twice a day but I am so sensitive to any movement in drugs right now. 2) I would like a doctor's viewpoint/knowledge person on this forum on how Remeron works with the adrenal glands. Could the Remeron be making things worse, better (because I am getting sleep), or is there no difference to the adrenal glands while taking it. 3) If the saliva tests come back with issues with both cortisol levels and female hormonal imbalances, how do I use herbs such Ashwagandha (adrenals) and/or Shatavri (balance female hormones) with Remeron? Or are there other suggestions out there? My biggest concern is adding these new herbs, if needed, while taking Remeron and Klonopin. I know I need my sleep but I also want to be as proactive as possible in finding the best solutions out there. And I have a feeling that there are some veteran people on the forum that could really help me. Thanks, Jennifer
  22. Hello fellow travelers, I am a recovering user of many psychotropic prescriptions (which I at first thought were good for me). After finally being able to taper off and learning much more, I've revised my thinking a bit: about the drugs, about the doctors, about the medical profession in general and about what I can reasonably be certain is healthy. I've got pretty decent working knowledge of psychotropics now, but still have much to learn. I have read the Ashton Manual, a few scholarly articles by people like Guy Chouinard, and have some experience helping people with withdrawal and post-withdrawal. I also have a bit of an interest in general medicine. Drugs taken include: Remeron, Effexor, Clonazepam, Triazolam, Escitalopram, too much Olanzapine and a few other compounds with varying levels of harm. I am now around two years post-withdrawal of Clonazepam, having begun my odyssey taking amitryptaline for sleep, and am still recovering from extreme insomnia, gastro problems and general fatigue. I can't really say it was worth it, but you live and you learn.
  23. @Ripley sorry to hear things are so tough for you. You're being so careful and conservative so it must be a bit disheartening...perhaps @juneightis right about trying a lower histamine diet to see if it helps...it does seem to be a thing for a lot of people trying to get off Remeron so worth a try. Sending you strength and wishing you luck Right here with you Malbec
  24. sillylady

    sillylady

    Hi! I am new to this forum and am having a really difficult time. I have recently in the past 4 months tapered off Gabapentin and Remeron. I have been off these two for about 3 weeks. I also came off of Cortef about 4 months. I am now tapering off Seroquel (was on 550 mg. per day and am now down to 12.5 mg. per day and 62.5 mg. at night) and Zoplicone (was on 7.5 mg. at night now down to 1.5 mg. at bedtime). I still suffer from debilitating symptoms: adrenaline surges, chronic insomnia (no sleep most days and nights), burning throughout my body, anxiety/panic attacks, depersonalization, chills, feeling like I am going crazy etc. In January 2014 I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, Bartonella and Babesia. I also suffer from hypo-hyperthyroidism, adrenal exhaustion, Candida and gluten intolerance. I am totally alone as my family of origin has completely shunned me and left me to die. They have not spoken to me in over two years and don't even check to see if I have food in the house or am dead or alive. In my heart I know they want me dead and have done so all of my life. My mother and father were very abusive to me and encouraged others to abuse me. My dad is now deceased but my mother is still being abusive, bullying, lying about me to others to make herself look good, is a pathological liar, narcesessitic and downright cruel to me. A couple of years ago she even went so far as to phone my Naturopathic doctor in an attempt to turn her against me. Since then I have had to find another N.D. My siblings want me gone so that I don't get anything my mother leaves behind. My older sister died suddenly about 4 years ago and I know that my mother wishes it was me instead of her. I have been verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused all my life by all walks of life. I have never felt loved or wanted by anyone and just wish I could die so I could be free from all this suffering. The only one that would miss me would be my little dog and I am to the point where I just want to find her a new home so that I can leave this planet. I have nothing else to live for and feel there is no way out of the hell I am going through. I have fought the good fight and believe there is only one alternative left. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live like this for another 5 minutes as the symptoms are too debilitating.
  25. Altostrata

    sillylady

    @sillylady, I moved your post here. Please add your updates to this topic, your Intro topic, so you don't have to repeat your history over and over and we can understand your context. Click the big Follow button at the upper right so you get alerts about responses to this topic. I am sorry you are suffering for so long from going off Seroquel, gabapentin, zopiclone, and Remeron. We see recovery from prolonged withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) can be very gradual and take a long time. Waves and windows are terribly frustrating. Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/ https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/ You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Have you seen any improvement in the last 6 months? Are you taking any other drugs now? To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.
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