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  1. Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - Miko789: Xanax withdrawal/tapering Hi, I'm new to the forum, I have some questions I want to ask. My doctor prescribed effexor for depression, in 2009. Now I'm free of symptoms and I managed to come off with withdrawal symptoms though. That's with the antidepressant. Now I'm on Risperdal consta from November 2013 and seroxat 10mg. My doctor prescribed with risperdal consta 3,3mg/day long acting injection every two weeks. From February 2015 he lowered the dosage to 25mg/every 2 weeks equals 1,66mg/day. I tried to lower the seroxat 10mg but after 40-45h I have withdrawal symptoms vertigo, dizziness. Is it possible to cut down seroxat? How about the Risperdal consta (long acting injection). Has anyone tapered off completely without withdrawals? I read about the 10% harm reduction procedure to taper off and I'm going to tell my doctor and follow. thanks in advance
  2. It’s my first time posting so hello to everyone . I’m so glad I stumbled on this site I’ve been so scared not knowing what was going on with me . ill try and make this as short as I can . In August of 2018 I hit what I believe to be called poop out (reaching tolerance) from taking seroxat for 15 years straight . Anxiety started to creep into my days even though I was on 20mg and hadn’t had problems only minor in the past . A visit to the dr led to him increasing my dosage to 30mg. I didn’t feel happy about this and decreased back down within 3 weeks. I knew for me the answer was to taper off. In November 2018 i went to see a psychiatrist for advice on tapering as my dr hadn’t got a clue (too long to go into) . She said to drop 5mg see how I went for 4 weeks before dropping again . This seemed to go ok . In December 2018 she said to drop another 5mg again I felt ok. Don’t get my wrong I had lots of weird symptoms with some depression and anxiety but didn’t feel too bad I put this down to the 50mg of pregabalin she said I should take three times daily (prescribed in November ) . I take twice daily on the advice of my dr. In January she said to decrease by 2.5 mg which I have done. I am now taking 7.5mg daily . From reading things on this site I now know I am tapering tooooooo quickly and my body is now telling me this too as my symptoms are more pronounced and the depression is really setting in. I don’t know what to do for the best and was hoping for some advice here. Do I stay put and wait to get stable though I have read somewhere on this site that it can take up to 18 months to start to stabilise after poop out. Or do I increase tiny amounts until I feel able to cope better with the symptoms? I am still working every day . my thoughts before finding this site were that I needed to get off seroxat because it had started to make me feel so much worse and that by keep taking it I’m poisoning my body and it will never head towards homeostasis while I’m still taking it no matter what dose. I would be so grateful for any advice .
  3. Help please. I have been on 20mg Seroxat (Paxil / paroxetine) daily for 17yrs. Originally. Prescribed for anxiety and agoraphobia. In January 2018 to July 2018 I reduced my dose to 10mg daily. In that time only symptoms was mild head aches and few episodes of crying. Didnt feel any anxiety symptoms. From July I levelled at 10mg deciding to give myself a levelled period on 10mg as I was feeling really good. In late October symptoms of weak joints and pins needles and flu symptoms arrived. This went on until late December. I still was on 10mg daily. In the month of January 2019 I felt really better. What ever it was I thought it was passing. In early February 2019 my symptoms returned doubly worse with many other little symptoms. Trouble with sleep, noise sensitivity. Flu, feeling on edge , internal shakes. Brain zaps and tension head aches. and believe slight return of anxiety. At this point I learned about withdrawal syndrome. I am unable to function at this state. Please if anyone can help with a reinstatement question As I have not stopped Seroxat completely and have been at a 10mg dose for 6 months, would my chances of reinstatement be more of Seroxat be more successful? Rather than being off totally. If so would it be better to taper up slowly? Or go in with the full 20mg again? Many thanks for anyones advice.
  4. Hi all! I’m really happy to be on this platform to learn as much about tapering off of antidepressants as much as I can. I have used Paxil/Seroxat for over 20 years and many of my attempts to get off them failed miserably. My last attempt this year also failed, and got me in severe turmoil. Temporarily used Oxazepam and Diazepam to help me survive that period whilst Paxil started working again. Little did I know benzodiazepines were such a difficult thing to get off of, so I tapered off it very slowly. Based on this ordeal I figured I’ve always been really stupid (understatement!) cold turkeying Paxil. That’s why I’m here to learn as much as possible so that I can wean off Paxil in the best possible way so I won’t make the same mistakes again I did in the past. Hope to learn a lot here!
  5. Archie


    Really good. I’m off aero at (Paxil) after 18 years, been off since December last year, took about a year to come down from 10mg to zero. With the help of my psychiatrist she put me on Prozac went from 10mg to 20mg and then came off seroxat, now down to 10mg Prozac and feeling good.
  6. Hi All, First of all I am so pleased that I found out about this website because in my own country The Netherlands, there is so little information about withdrawal effects of SSRI and SNRIs. It really warms my heart, that there is so much support and sharing of experiences here, I know now I am not alone! I am a female of 32 years and use paroxetine (seroxat) for 11 years now. After an intense 3 months inside a psychology clinic I learned a lot about myself and decided I don't longer need the medication. My journey so far: 9 years 20 mg, 1,5 year 10 mg. Now tapering to get off the Seroxat medication, first tapered from 10 mg to 5 mg in one month without problems. 2 weeks ago I started the tapering from 5 mg and after two weeks around the 2,5 mg I noticed severe withdrawal effects. First I thought I had the flu, but now I know better My Withdrawal symptoms are: Irritability, agitation, dizziness, sensory disturbances ( electric shock sensations in my fingers), emotional lability, insomnia and heavy feeling in my upper legs. Since I became aware this are withdrawal symptoms I stabilized at 2,5 mg by taking an suspension of 2mg/ml and would like some advise how to go on from here. I am considering the 10% Brassmonkey tapering ( decreasing your dose by 2.5% a week for four weeks and then holding an additional two weeks to stabilize). I use Omega 3 oil and magnesium supplements and am now 5 days on the 2,5 mg. Although i notice a decrease in some of the withdrawal effects, it is still pretty severe. The dizziness is better but the other symptoms are still there. Is updosing helpfull? and how far back I have to go? 5 mg gave no withdrawal effects, they started somewhere in the two weeks when I was tapering off between 5 and 2,5 mg. I really hope you can help me. thanks a lot greetings Julia
  7. Hi! I use to post occasionally on Paxil Progress under Basil but took a step away in the mist of withdrawal and confusion. I only found out recently the site had gone. I'm not sure what help I can get here but I though I would share this long story and to get it off my chest/help myself in some way. I'm from the UK near Manchester and currently on 25mg of Pregablin/Lyrica. I also take 50mg mirabegron to try calm my bladder but that doesn't seem to do anything. I'll share my story first and how I got to this point but firstly I have so much empathy for people here and others going through this. It has been one of the most cruel and crazy journeys which it seems mostly only people who have experienced it, believe.... Male 36 Good career one child Single MENTAL Current Symptoms: Depression, lack of motivation, no drive or focus This has come on over the last couple of years to where I feel dead inside now Fatigue and brain fog I've had bouts of this in my life but this has been constant for a year now. Sometimes I can't work with it. Frequent urination, genital sensations, pain Major problem the last 18 months and probably made the depression worse. Touch wood I now have days where I'm nearly fine and haven't had pain in nearly a year. Had nearly every medical test going and nothing can be found apart from a small bladder which I doubt is the problem as I would have always had this. I also have the sensation when nothing is in my bladder. Anxiety I've always been this way, not the withdrawal anxiety at the moment (fingers crossed) Story (warning, very long) April 2007 I've always been highly strung and critical but after pushing myself with my final year Uni artwork I developed Repetitive strain injury in my hand which spread to both arms. Nothing structurally wrong was found and I freaked out that my career was over before it started. I was anxious and feeling down, my ex advised I get something to help as she was out of ideas how to help. My doctor had suggested CBT and put me on the list, an emergency doctor after suggested PAXIL/SEROXAT/paroxetine 20MG. If only I knew now how trivial at the time that anxiety and low mood was! August 2007 Paroxetine 20mg, felt it straight away and within one week my mood was up. Arm pain was easier to deal with, started eating again, playing games and doing stuff within a month. I went from an anxious mess to drinking lots, over eating, smoking, occasional drug use, sleeping most of the day, annoying my ex but I felt great. I went form 11.5 stone up to 14, I sweated a lot, sexual dysfunction but indulging in stuff felt amazing. August 2008 Weight gain was starting to annoy me and I had realised my behavior had changed with the medication. At this point I was having periods of no arm pains. I had started missing doses, temporary GP told me to just stop cold turkey. No problems until 3 month later when the arm pains came back full force. December 2008 Arms pains were becoming a major problem so a GP put me back on Paroxetine 20mg. Worked fast and pulled me out of a hole quickly, found a new job and all the naughty behavior came with the meds again. August 2009 I started reducing the medication, I can't remember but it was rapid with no obstruction from the GP. Some brain zaps and strange symptoms but nothing that bad. November 2009 I had noticed through the last 3 months I was highly tense and irritable then the arm pains came back. I was so distraught I couldn't get rid of them without paroxetine. My ex suggested I try St john's wort which did nothing after a few weeks. I stupidly went to the GP on the Friday after stopping the St john's wort on the Thursday and asked for to go back to Paroxetine without telling her I was on the herbal remedy recently. I thought before was bad but now I was entering hell. After 2 days back on Paroxetine I woke up to a panic attack in the night and uncontrollable agitation, felt like my mind had exploded. I couldn't sleep, eat, sit still, stay safe. I had such strong suicidal feelings but no one would believe how I felt. I walked the streets at night sweating, pacing, heart pounding waiting for the doctors to open. I explained at the Emergency room what had happened but the Doctors did nothing. I was obsessed with serotonin syndrome due to st johns wort being taken few days before Paroxetine. I phone the crisis team and they gave me diazepam 2-4mg to take as needed and zopiclone 3.75mg to get me to sleep. They put me to sleep but after 1 hour I was awake again. I was then switched from Paroxetine to 20mg of Citalopram which increased the problems ten fold. I admitted myself to a ward as I couldn't take it anymore. In the ward I was given Clonazepam, zopiclone and the citalopram. I calmed down and slept for the first time in a weeks. I thought things were better but it would appear it was just the clonazepam covering up the issues. I decided to checkout as I spent most of my time playing pool with the young nurses and felt pretty good. When I got home I realised the clonazepam was so addictive after some research so I stopped it. I went back into hell. At this point I was off sick from my dream job I had got 6 months earlier, lost my flat, split from my partner, living back at my mums. Then I also found we had conceived a child in the middle of this madness. Christmas 2009 I saw an emergency Pysch Doctor and she removed me from all medication over a week. Thankfully it lowered all the mental and physical symptoms some what but the my arm pains were on fire and I was very low in mood. January 2010 I was attending a day clinic and the medical practitioners would not listen to my story. Paroxetine had worked before so I was convinced to try again after no luck with propranolol and buspar. Started at 5mg and worked up to 20mg. I wanted to kill myself, I had visions of sticking a blade into my stomach but I pushed through with the symptoms. February 2010 By the end of February I suddenly had a pleasant thought. The paroxetine kicked in big time and I was back to feeling good with all the usual side effects. I did some horrible things over the next few months including taking a drug on my birthday (MDMA). One week after I slipped into some horrible extreme anxious/agitated state which last 2 weeks. April 2010 - August 2010 Within this time I started having the waves of extreme periods of symptoms to then very high mood. Akathesia Extreme anxiety depression Not eating or sleeping Each wave got shorter and good periods got longer. My son was born end of August and my experience I realised I could not mess about anymore. March 2011 I joined Paxil progress and started connecting some dots. Yes I had taken illegal drugs on a few occasions but I saw my symptoms with the Paroxetine in other people's stories. At this time I was still having occasional days of extreme agitation and anxiety. A night out drinking could trigger this off sometimes. I was nearly 16 stone and couldn't care less about things. I decided it was time to taper off. August to November 2011 I had two major waves while tapering, both lasted 2 weeks. November 2012 I had tapered down to 1.25mg with not too many problems. After feeling slightly out of sorts for a week one lunch time the extreme anxiety suddenly turned on and I went into a major crash. December 2012 Crisis team Severe akathesia/anxiety Suicidal ideation Nausea So many symptoms but no arm pains. I updosed to 5mg Paroxetine with no relief. Pysch doctor/mental health team would not listen to the theory of severe withdrawal from Anti depressants. I was diagnosed with severe GAD and told I need to take Pregablin and stop the Paroxetine. I did not want to add anything else and held on till end of January. Tried Propanonol again which did nothing and took occasional Benzos (once a week for a break) Jan 2013 I stopped going to Paxil progress as it made me more anxious. I was being discharged by the crisis team as I refused to take Pregablin. I was suicidal and my body was on fire but I was freezing. I would spend most mornings in despair with my body jerking and pacing with the akathesia and extreme anxiety. I sometimes would feel normal in the evenings. My family was lost what to do and upset. I had been off work 2 months, not seen my son. I had also managed to get an appointment with Dr Healy in Wales but had to wait till April. I decided to take the Lyrica end of Jan. February 2013 The Lyrica had no start up effects for me and I hate saying it did help somewhat. It gave me a window (I think it was that) I was able to get back to work by March. 2 x 150mg Lyrica a day and 5mg Paroxetine. I decided this was my fate for now. I started the pattern of waves and windows, the waves were very intense but I worked through them. April 2013 I saw Dr Healy and he listened. He asked my what I wanted him to do for me and I wasn't sure. He did back up my story and it's on my file. He expressed concern about the Lyrica as the new drug everyone was getting prescribed and to come off it. I tried with his withdrawal plan but I was just too scared with the waves to alter anything. He suggested to stay on the Lyrica and come off the paroxetine when ready. Everything seemed a bit hopeless but I had to keep pushing through these waves which were getting shorter luckily. March 2015 Life had been better and I had done stuff I thought I'd never do. I had been very successful at work. I had a couple of major waves and had tried to get off Lyrica once more but a big wave took me back on it. I decided I would taper off the paroxetine finally. I had to fight with the GP to prescribe me liquid paroxetine. Some GP's had now started confirming the withdrawal of Paroxetine to me and my clinic had stopped prescribing it. February 2016 Tapering using liquid was going fine apart from lack of enjoyment and mood dropping. I then experienced a period of frequent urination which my GP couldn't find a reason. It disappeared... and came back on occasion. I was still on 2x150mg Lyrica/ April 2016 I woke up with tinnitus white noise in one ear randomly and still have it. Nothing could be found to be the cause. April 2017 I finish my paroxetine taper with no problems but at the same time a relationship breaks down and I feel very emotional. This person had helped me through a lot since 2013 and I missed her dearly. I chose to have no more children after this experience so we split. August 2017 With usual perfect timing over just 3 month the withdrawal anxiety started with the akathesia to follow. I was still dealing with the breakdown of my relationship at the same time, life went to sh*t. Very depressed at the same time. Next five months involved in waves: Extreme anxiety Akathesia Depression Nausea Diarrhea Freezing chills GP's would constantly say I need Sertraline, everyone wanted to prescribe me this drug. A GP wrote to a psych doc as I wasn't ill enough to be seen apparently. I don't know why I let them as I knew no one could help but prescribe drugs. Mitrzapine and Promazine was prescribed. I got the prescription but never took them thank god. December 2017 Just before Christmas the wave ended and hasn't come back. January 2018 I was so happy I was now 3-4 weeks of a good window. Finally my mood was up and I started living again, still on 300mg Lyrica a day. This was cut short after going to the toilet one day and then urgently needing it again. What followed has pushed me as far as the akathesia and anxiety to nearly ending my life. I never knew needing to urinate could be so torturous. I saw my now regular GP and he prescribed all kinds of medications to try control my frequent urination but nothing worked. By the third week I was experiencing pain in my bladder and strange sensations in my genitals. My life was now even more restricted than before, I 24/7 needed to urinate regardless if I had anything in my bladder. My GP had suspected Lyrica as the culprit but I wasn't ready for rocking that boat yet. August 2018 I had every test done with no problems being found in urology, I managed to get the pain to subside to an acceptable level with stretching. I now started to experience severe fatigue and brain fog, luckily I was off work for the last 4 month but had to go back. December 2018 Fatigue, brain fog, depression increased, frequent urination. Occasional better day of less urinating but life seems pretty hopeless with this never ending nightmare. The sensations in my genitals are unbearable as well and it now seems that anti depressants are the treatment to stop me urinating and for the fatigue haha! January 2019 My refusal to take anti depressants my GP suggests the Lyrica being the problem with urological symptoms. He suggests 1/2 the dose to see if it improves as I'm in such a state. Strangely it seems to work but in waves and windows again with stress seeming to set it off immediately. Today So here I am at 25mg of Lyrica, my urinating seems to go up and down. Just when I feel it might be gone it comes back for a few days intensely. I've not had the strange genital symptoms in months thankfully. I have the worst brain fog and fatigue which occasionally lessens. I'm depressed which I think is due to how long this stuff has been going on. My life is very restricted but I've tried to break free and chose to always push myself even with the symptoms. I mean someone suggested a holiday so I went to South Africa which was absolute hell with the urinating but I still did it. I really want to break free of this and finally enjoy life again. I sometimes fear my brain is permanently broken after this, I've not felt happiness and enjoyment in so long. I'm hoping the Lyrica is the cause of the Fatigue/brain fog/frequent urination and things will get better once I'm off. I didn't follow a 10% taper of Lyrica as I'm desperate to get relief from urinating which seems to improved with the reduction. I've only experienced some withdrawal from 50mg to 25mg with even more fatigue and zombie like state. Jan: 75mg 2 x a day Feb: 75mg a day April: 25mg 2 x a day July: 25mg a day I'm not even sure what I'm asking but I thought I'd share this very long story, good to actually get it all down. Hopefully this story will come to end soon. It seems crazy to go on a medication for low level anxiety/low mood due to essentially stress and go through this! Boris x
  8. Doing the brass monkey taper 4 weeks decreasing by 2.5% each week to total of 10% of current dose then holding for 2 weeks before repeating the pattern . So decreasing over a 6week period By 10% of current dose. Anxiety lower level Last decrease but high two times before. take Seroxat 8:30am every morning . Liquid form accurate dose. thank you Alto
  9. Hi. I've been on 20mg Seroxat per day since my first panic attack in 2014. I have reduced the dosage according to my home doctor's guidance recently. I reduced to 10mg Seroxat per two days on 1st Nov 2019. Then, a serious tinnitus (a low, constant buzzing) in my right ear started on 6th Nov 2019. (I didn't take any Seroxat on 2nd, 4th and 6th) The local doctors checked my ears and they say the eardrum is fine. So I continued the dosage reduction until 28th Nov. I finally contacted my home doctor and he said it is caused by anxiety (I've been bullied throughout Oct 2019) and Seroxat dosage reduction. He advised me to increase the dosage back to 10mg, or even 20mg Seroxat per day. There's no change in my tinnitus even until now (neither better or worse), which my dosage has increased to 30mg Seroxat per day according to my home doctor's guidance. The tinnitus affects me most when I'm asleep. I'm trying to not fall into a vicious cycle, but I have to wait until 5th Mar, 2020 to see the local Ear, Nose and Throat to have a checkup with professional equipment. Do you think my stress lead to tinnitus? Do you think the Seroxat dosage reduction leads to tinnitus? How and when can it stop? I want to sleep normally! Thank you P.S. On another forum people said that my tinnitus is caused by Seroxat, and they asked me to not trust the doctor because doctors know nothing about tinnitus. Do you think I should do so?
  10. Hello. Wanted to share my story. I am working in IT industry and in 2016 I had a very stressful work environment. I also did not have any romatic relationships for like 7 years (was 27 I think at this time). I also had severe acne in the past which left severe scars on my face. This resulted to low self esteem and after multiple rejections I stopped trying to date. Due to situation at work, I developed panic attacks and heart arythmia and even collapsed 3 times from it in public. All heart tests were showing nothing wrong and my doctor thought it was caused by stress/anxiety. I was prescribed Seroxat, but don't remeber the dosage. At first I felt great: had uplifted mood, picked up some new hobbies, heart arythmia was also gone. However, my libido was non existant and later I became tired all the time. I was sleeping long hours, but in the morning it felt like I couldn't move or get up and was feeling extremely dizzy. I overslept work meetings many times due to this. This is when I decided to stop antidepressants. I don't remember exactly how I went off it. I think I started taking decreased dosage while skipping some days entirely. I had some severe diziness when going off the drugs. I can't really remember how long I was on the drugs, about a year maybe until 2018 or so. So now its 2020, been off the drugs for 2 years or so. The post withdrawal symptoms that I experience is extreme apathy, no motivation, no drive, extremely disorganized and even more extreme memory problems. I work in software development, so there is constant learning needed. When I read some technical papers I forget everything about a week later. And it actually is for anything, not only IT related subjects. For example I have googled what hakuna matata means about 5 times in the last year and after a week I forget it again. Can't remember it now for example. I watch a lot of movies but forget the plot in a week. One of my hobbies is flying drones which involves some electric skills. I was reading so much about it but after a no flying winter I have forgotten a lot of it already even though I am actually passionate about this. My older memories from childhood which were so clear 5 years ago seems also very distant and lacking details now. Even the software projects that I developed myself and had deep knowledge of the code when actively developing it is gone after several weeks. It seems that I cannot retain information anymore. I phase out during meetings and have trouble keeping large complex systems in my memory. I can only work on a smaller scale, not grasping the whole system at any time.. Sometimes coworkers ask me a question about solution that I developed and my head is completely empty, I need like 20 minutes to sort everything in my head before I can answer initial questions. Due to this, I feel I am not progressing in my career and have to work 3 times more compared to my colleagues due to constantly having to reread material which I forgot. I also have poor organisational skills. I often don't have willpower to finish my taxes on time, to perform administrative tasks at work like planning vacations, organising meetings etc. A week or so ago I actually had a romantic encounter, but couldn't get fully erect or feel anything during the act. Before seroxat I had a very strong sex drive which is now pretty much gone. I also loved video games. But now they bore me after 5 minutes:/ Actually I was playing semi competitively in my teens/university years and I was very good at them. Now any new game I try seems not only boring but overwhelmingly complex with details that do not matter to me. I might actually have undiagnosed ADD or some other autistic spectrum disorder as I had some memory problems, brain fog and poor social skills all my life. But after stopping seroxat it seems that my problems increased tenfold:/ Now my socials skills seem to suffer more from the fact that I simply cannot remember relevant event from the past or even appropriate word and can't contribute much to the conversation. Anyone thinks this could be caused by paroxetine? For me it seems that my brain was left in some incomplete state after the drugs lol.. Any suggestions what I could try to get my life back on track? I will try to read existing posts to find answers, but there is so much information so it will take some time.
  11. Longroadhome

    MaggieSmalls: 6 Month off Paxil with huge WD

    Hi Boris how long did you taper Seroxat for The last time ? Also how long did you taper Lyrica for? im reducing seroxat by 10% every 6 weeks im also reducing the Lyrica inbetween the seroxat taper by what percentage would you say you have recovered ? thank you 😊
  12. Hello Everybody! In December 2010 (I just turned 21) I started taking Paxil because I was having severe anxiety (Agoraphobia / Emetophobia). After intensive therapy I made a good recovery which allowed me to pick up daily life (the Anxiety is never completely gone, but it no longer has a big impact on my life). I tried to stop twice and twice this failed extremely hard. By then me and my psych/GP thought it was easy and with todays knowledge I can say that the failures were probably due to way to fast withdrawal schedules (first time I halved to 10mg and stopped the week after.. second time I reduced by 2mg each week). Early summer 2016 I was feeling better than ever on every aspect of my life, but in the second half of the summer suddenly I started feeling worse. Fatigued, unmotivated, tingling sensations and a somewhat drugged/absent feeling. Even though I did feel familiar (to Paxil symptoms, which I had a lot the first ~2-3 months when starting Paxil each time) I did not immediately link it to my medication due to no increase in anxiety. However after a thorough checkup (both physically and mentally) without any other possible finding the only remaining hypothesis was the sudden change in how my body responded to the medication. I decided to start tapering of paxil, but this time I would be prepared: I found out about the 5-10% in 3-6 weeks schedules and found a psychiatrist to help me with my tapering. I also switched to liquid Seroxat to make tapering easier. My plan was to start with tapering 10% each 4 weeks and only reduce dosage once I felt mainly stable/good during the last week. The first taper step went good with only minor/innocent side effect. The second step already became a bit heavier especially with the addition of headaches and eye floaters both of which reduced my daily productivity/concentration. However after 5 weeks I felt stable/better and decided to taper again. The first week on my new dosage (14.4mg) went surprisingly well. But after that suddenly everything changed: The anxiety came back in full force. In addition I felt hunted/restless, nauseous, vague/absent (like I'm a spectator in my own life), still had headaches, almost no energy, heart palpitations and sometimes hyperventilating. We are now three months further and I slowly/steadily start feeling better each week but still feel far from stable (more like a house without foundation which could collapse any moment). Besides all I remain positive and hope to feel better in a couple of weeks, but I am uncertain of what to do next: - I could continue tapering Paxil as if nothing happened, but given the insane symptoms I just recovered from I might consider a smaller step of 5%. - An alternative could be, due to the heavy symptoms in a this early stage of tapering to switch to an AD which is famous for being still-horrible-but-slightly-less-horrible-than-parox with regards to tapering and withdrawal symptoms. I found this topic on this site which states this and that Prozac is often used for this. I can not decide what to do.. hopefully this and other topics on this site will help me make this decision..
  13. Hello everyone. Don't know where to start. Firstly excuse my english because it is not my native language. My first experience with psychiatric drug was with elicea in 2015 when I visited my first psychiatrist (can't remember the dose). Took it for 2 months then stopped cold turkey. Suffered severe depression and brain zaps for short period after that. I recovered. Also I took xanax occasionally then and in 2017. 2018 took xanax more often for like 3 months (never more than once a day, 0.25mg, maybe 0.50mg sometimes). Never suffered withdrawals after I quit. At least nothing that I am aware off. Fast forward to august 2018 I visited another psychiatrist and was put on calixta (mirtazapine), can't remember the dose atm. Took it until december or january when she got me off it cold turkey and put me on seroxat. Never had any problems until I started noticing double vision (ghosting) of bright letters and lights from a distance but It wasn't that bad. After like 3 months on seroxat she wanted to switch to zyprexa and diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. Keep in mind that I never suffered psychosis and was only depressed and unmotivated person. I had trouble with my insurance and needed to sorted it out first because it is an expensive drug. I quit seroxat first around april this year. Never had any problems except the double vision one. After I got my insurance in june I started Zyprexa. First I was on smaller doses (2.5mg-7.5mg) then i got to 10mg on september. I started losing interest in my hobbies and got very suicidal and depressed. She started me on zoloft around middle of october (first few days on small doses then on 25mg) and cut my zyprexa dose to 7.5mg. Around 13th of november (a week ago) I decided to quit both drugs and stop poisoning myself after a very fast tapper (few days). I am in hell since. I have lots of symptoms (most are probably from zyprexa because I took it for longer) but what I find worst is not sleeping. First I was very tired and sleepy from not sleeping but recently I am never tired and I probably don't even sleep one hour in total. It is scaring me. I always slept on my back but now I can't do that because my mouth make a weird noise and I start panicking. I am very scared and don't know what to do. I was thinking of tappering but going back to drugs scare me. I am afraid I will never sleep and my brain will detoriate. My god what have I done to myself.
  14. Veluwe

    Veluwe: Should I reinstate?

    Hi Gridley, Thank you for you're comprehensive reaction. I will take a look at the information you posted. A week or so ago, I tried to make an introduction topic but it's waiting for approval. Or the post went to the digital nirvana... Anyway I have the original introduction still on my phone: --------- Hi everyone! First of all I'm very thankful this website exists. After reading a few threads I decided to create an account and post my story. Since 2003 I have used a variety of antidepressants and antipsychotics. They were prescribed for OCD in conjunction with cognitive behavioural therapy. I switched a few times because the prescribed antidepressants didn't have any effect within 3 months. From 2009, I started with 60mg Seroxat (paroxetine) and 300mg Seroquel (quetiapine) a day. After a few years (around 2015 I guess) I slowly decreased the doses to around 40mg Seroxat and 150mg Seroquel. My reasons to do so were the multiple side effects I had from these pills. To name a few: short attention span, emotional numbing, physical tiredness and the feeling of dissociation after too much mental straining. Around this time I restarted with cognitive behavioural therapy and luckily got rid off OCD. In the summer of 2018 I finished the tapering of seroquel with little 25 mg pills. Around that time the dose of seroxat had decreased to 30mg. Because I haven't kept record of withdrawal symptoms it's difficult to say when certain symptoms came into existence or when they increased or decreased. Halfway in 2019 I continued to wean off the rest of the seroxat. In two months I tapered from 20 to 0 mg. First month from 20 to 10mg by a scheme of taking two days 20 mg, then 10 mg, repeat this a few times... Then 10-20-10-20 etc. And the last days 10-10-20-10-10-20. The last month I tapered with the seroxat fluid suspension to 0. A few days later I began noticing flu-like symptoms combined with a 'different vision' of reality. I asked myself: was this the real life I'm now coming back to after 16 years of using medications? A few months later, in November, I got increased feelings of depression. Dissociation or depersonalition/derealization became much worse. Got crying spells and anxiety attacks. Brain fogging and sometimes muscle spasms. Occasionally nightmares. Now we're almost in May and I'm 9 months off. Anxiety somewhat lessened but the DP/DR seems to have increased. Feelings of not being in reality and not being connected with myself and my sensory input tear me up. This is horrific. But I don't want to go back to antidepressants. I hated the side effects of them. I want to live real life. Since a few months I'm seeing a psychiatrist again. She ponders whether these symptoms are antidepressant withdrawal syndrome or are these complaints coming back from before I started AD's. I'm almost certain that the latter is not the case. ( OCD didn't come back because I had successfully completed CBT.) Dissociation and depression are things I can't remember from experiencing before I took antidepressants. My psychiatrist told me these symptoms are probably not withdrawal symptoms from antidepressants. She suggested a test of taking a one-time small dose of seroxat to test whether the symptoms may decrease and thus being withdrawal syndrome. Something of which I'm very hesitant about. Reading multiple stories of people still struggling with withdrawal symptoms after more than a year makes me think. What gives the idea in the psychiatric world that withdrawal syndrome should only last a few months? Apart from personal stories, aren't there any scientific sources mentioning people can suffer much longer from withdrawal syndrome? I hope the symptoms decrease and that I will come back to my normal self again. Those 9 months off are taking it's toll on me. ----------
  15. Hello Everyone! My name is Tomek, I'm 33 years old and my miserable adventure with antidepressant started 9 years ago in December 2009. My entire history with antidepressants is in my Signature. Suffice to say that I had some experience with withdrawing from many meds especially from SSRI and benzodiazepines. Xanax withdrawal. In 2014 after an accident I was very much addicted to Xanax, taking it every day. During that time I had some very unpleasant incident with this med. On one Sunday I started to feel extremely bad. From very early morning to late night I had many unpleasant symptoms like: extreme sweating (all the time I looked like I've just had a shower), muscle pain, muscle stiffness, tachycardia, extremely dry mouth and problems with my eyesight. I completely stopped taking Xanax at that moment. I was in this terrible state for the next five days. The good thing is that after this incident I practically stopped taking benzos for good. During the last 4 years, I've taken them maybe once per year and even that in very small doses. The bad thing is that since then I still have problems with my eyesight, specifically, my eyes have some strange problem with focusing on objects, like my vision becomes shaky when I try to focus my eyes. To this day I'm still not 100% sure what happened to me. Was it benzo withdrawal like my psychiatrist suggested or something else, for example, serotonin syndrome (I was on Clomipramine and Mirtazapine back then). After this incident for the next 6 months, I had a terrible anxiety almost every day. Anyway, in December 2014 I started taking Paroxetine 30mg (Seroxat) again. Since September 2014 I’m also on Mirtazapine 15mg. From 2015 to 2017 I actually felt pretty well on those meds. Even problems with my eyesight weren't very bothersome, although it never completely healed after the incident with benzos. Paroxetine withdrawal. Finally, at the end of 2017, after 3 years I decided to start withdrawing from those meds. My liver tests weren't very good so that's one of the reasons but not only. My first attempts weren’t really successful as I hesitated between 30mg and 20mg. During January 2018 I went three times between those doses. One of the reasons is that my close friend died during that time. This made me feel very depressed and anxious. I don't know if this was because of changing those doses or because I was very stressed back then but I started to feel physically ill. I was nauseous, weak, I had dizziness and photophobia. After three weeks I started to feel a little better. I decided to tamper the doses very gradually. For two weeks I was reducing from 30mg to 20mg. After that, I stopped reducing and was on 20mg for 2 months. Then again reducing from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks. Then 3 months on 10mg and after that reducing to 0mg for 3-4 weeks. I finally stopped taking Paroxetine in August 11th 2018r. Changing the dose slowly from 30mg to 20mg wasn't that bad. However, going from 20mg to 10mg was a whole different story. I had unpleasant brain zaps and was nauseous. The worse part was actually my mental state. I was constantly irritated, even the smallest things could make me feel angry. Never in my life felt something like that. Fortunately, after 2-3 weeks, I started to feel better. Not as good as before changing the dose but I could make through the day without hitting my desk with fists. So somewhere in the middle of July, I decided to finally go for it and try to reduce my dose to 0mg. During it, my photophobia and afterimages increased. On August 11th, 2018 was the first day since more than 3 years that I finally survived the day without Paroxetine. Since then I'm depressed almost every day, especially in the mornings, a few times I had panic attacks during the night and couldn't sleep. I'm still on Mirtazapine so that helped me with sleeping. Then fun fact though is that without Paro I managed to finally go on vacation after 5 years ;-). In the past, I always felt too lazy to go somewhere. Mirtazapine withdrawal. My next plan was to withdraw from Mirtazapine. I started reducing doses from 15 mg to something like 11mg at the end of September. At the end of October, I was on 7.5 mg for almost three weeks. Unfortunately, I started feeling worse, more often had panic attacks and my eyesight went even worse. At the beginning of November, I've returned to 15mg but that didn't help me very much. My eyes still have a problem with focusing and my vision is shaky, I'm experiencing brain zaps although they're not as strong as they were before. At this point, I'm not sure if it is a good idea to withdrawing from Mirtazapine so fast when I've just stopped taking Paroxetine like 3 months ago. On the other hand, I really want to try to get off this med. I apologize for any mistakes in this text due to my poor English.
  16. Hello, Firstly thank you for this groups existence and the valued information it holds I will try to keep my story short as possible, In year 2000 I had a emergency operation, this in turn caused me my first ever panic attack, after the op I had a further panic attack and developed agoraphobia, this all developed in a very short time of only about 4 weeks at home during the operations recovery. As agoraphobia set in, I never had anxiety about going out, my body would just become stiff and in pain to the point I couldn't walk when I went out. I went to the doc, he put me on 20mg seroxat and said I have anxiety/depression/agoraphobia. ( I know i've never had depression in my life.) . At this point I had a family to feed and really blind in the knowledge of what's just happened to me, I was ill and there was a medication to use, ( no offer of therapy ) Once on paxil I was back to work in another two months, I had all the usual start up symptoms including suicidal ideology. I remained on 20mg of seroxat with no reviews for 18 years, really not many issues, although in 2016/17 I did notice some changes, libido dropped out, restless legs, more emotional, In Late 2017 I dropped my 20mg dose to 10mg in the space of 3 months, ( Big mistake I now know). Whilst fast taper I had no symptoms, and the 3 months after that the drop holding at 10mg I had no symptoms, First withdrawal symptoms was joint pain and was the only symptom I had for another 3 months, since then until today I'm slowly getting worse, with most of the well known symptoms listed. Tinittus sensitivity , reflux, bladder, Colon, gut, groin/genital, dropped heart rate, amazing head pressures, shakes/vibrations, a touch akathesia, anxiety, sleep, muscle burn, twitches, restless legs/arms, dep and derealization, the list goes on and on, I dropped sugar a year ago, tried magnesium glycinate and got up to 250mg daily, no benefit. Tried good quality fish oil, had reaction anxiety attack. My diet is pretty clean because I had reflux since 2015, and managed with no medication. I take no other medications especially whilst in withdrawals. I have small windows maybe an hour or two in the month. I've really been lucky with sleep apart from the odd period I've managed 6 hours average a night, I've been off my work and in withdrawals for 20 months. I've been on the remainder 10mg seroxat for 23 months, with the hope of stability. The last month symptoms have increased massively, mainly constant fibromalagia type pain, and severe head and ear pressure/sensitivity. With diminished sleep, Also a building and worrying development, if I get stressed or anxious, even emotional, I get some tight squeezeing pressure down the back of my head and ears, it's like a freezing spasm/vibration, I had a bad episode of this when talking with a person, it's actually temporarily froze my head and upper body for a couple of seconds. Like a mini fit, I'm feeling this tension more each day and its worrying me greatly. With this recent uptake in symptoms I'm really looking at increasing my dose, I know it could be a massive gamble, as I know and have read enough, or even a drop in dose, I would just like some experienced advice remembering the fact I've been in withdrawals 20 months and remained on a steady dose of 10mgfor 23 months. Thanks in advance for any help
  17. Hello Surviving Antidepressants team, I am so glad and grateful you exist. One of the most challenging things about withdrawing from antidepressants is the feeling of loneliness. Although I'm new to the site today, I used Paxil Progress in 2013 and have often browsed SA since. I cannot overstate how comforting it is to know I am not alone and to see people with such kindness and wisdom. Here is my introduction. I'm sorry if it's long, rambling or all over the place. It's kindof cathartic putting this down, even if it does stir some uncomfortable feelings and memories. I have wanted to stop taking Seroxat since 2006, when I was 26 years old. I believe like most psychiatric drugs it blunts all emotions, and has turned me into a zombie that craves carbs and sleep, making me fat and unhealthy. It's also killed my libido for many years. Then in 2010, aged 30, I met my partner and knowing he was the one, I have since wanted even more desperately to stop Seroxat as we'd like to have children. I'm 39 now, and fear time is running out, but would never want to get pregnant and force this drug on a developing baby. I hope I have correctly set up my new account today and am right in doing this introduction. As per my history below, I have been tapering using the 10% method since the middle of last February. I am using liquid Seroxat, which here in the UK is formulated so that 10ml = 20mg. This means practically that I consider my doses in millilitres. I use a two different types of oral syringes – the larger has 10ml total capacity broken into 1ml / 0.2ml increments, and the smaller syringe has 1ml capacity broken into 0.1ml / 0.02ml increments. My latest programme of tapering has been very comfortable and I have very little to report. I suspect I have had occasional symptoms but I have been very careful not to catastrophise or ruminate, having learned that from my previous taper and various psychological therapies (e.g. CBT) in the past. I also believe that some health complaints are part and parcel of human life, whether antidepressants or involved or not. However, I am introducing myself here as I have had an unexpected crisis in the past two weeks. Possibly because it's been a busy Christmas and I was not paying much attention, but for my latest reduction of 22 December, I took 2.92ml instead of the 2.98ml I was meant to take every day. I did not realise this until five days later, on 27 December, when my other half happened to notice I'd written 'take 2.98ml daily' on the bottle box but saw me measuring out 2.92ml. This means for five days I had made a something more like a 11.2% drop than the 9.9% drop that was planned. As it happens, on Christmas day, I felt very poorly with massive anxiety and chest tightness, repeating again on 26 December. By 27 December – the day I realised I had been taking too little Seroxat – I was having horrible digestive issues with lots of heartburn, despite avoiding all the usual food causes of this and eating very conservatively for the festive period. On 27 December and every day since, I have taken the amount I was meant to take for this cycle – 2.98ml, or 5.96mg. But this is where the real difficulties have emerged. My sleep has become very broken, and I am waking every couple of hours in a state of awful panic, with a feeling of inner trembling and bizarre, disturbing memories, phrases and thoughts – thoughts that are feel like they're written in bright neon light and someone is turning them on and off randomly with no logic and no intention by me. Physically, my breathing is shallow, despite consciously trying to practise deep breathing, and my digestive system feels like it is burning. This feeling is continuing into the day and although I'm trying to 'change the channel' and do something else, it's distinctly there in the background. As the panic awakenings seem so reminiscent of my 2013 taper, I quickly realised what was happening, even if on this occasion it has felt milder. I consider that period of my life extremely traumatic, and so it's not something that I like to revisit in my mind. And this in turn fuels the panic – I'm praying that history is not repeating itself – I find that prospect terrifying. My GP is useless and point blank refuses to acknowledge withdrawal exists, and has a 'told you so, you should stay in it for life' attitude if I ever get into discussion with her about my difficulties in coming off Seroxat. Fortunately, I can request the repeat prescription for liquid Seroxat online, so I don't have to have any interaction with her. In fact, I'd rather not have any interaction with medical professionals on this subject. In my own experience since I moved to a new area in 2013, I've only encountered hostility and cynicism. I've already decided in my mind to remain on 2.98ml (5.96mg) and not drop again for a few months (my plan would ordinarily be to drop to 2.7ml / 5.4mg from 19 January and continue onwards). My questions are related to this episode, but also more general questions that have weighed on my mind for ages: 1. Do you think my excess drop could have had an effect on me? Even if, in my case, it was a tiny difference? 2. Do you think I've technically updosed, considering I noticed my mistake after just five days? 3. Is this tiny excess drop plus subsequent updose a possible cause for my pronounced symptoms? Can such tiny variations really have such a strong effect? 4. Does stabilising really happen? Could my plan to remain on 2.98ml for a while now offer stabilisation? 5. My sleep pattern for the past week has been extremely disrupted. Is broken sleep better than no sleep? Should I give in to the urge to nap in the day because at the moment some sleep is good, and if my body is craving it, should I listen to it? (I'm self-employed and work from home so this is possible for me). 6. Do medical professionals resist recognising the problem of antidepressant withdrawal – especially now in the face of such strong evidence – because they'd effectively be admitting they got it wrong, and fear it will open the floodgates for legal action? (I get very angry about this). 7. My partner and I plan to move house in 2019 and get married soon after. Should I put further tapering on hold until after these stressful events? (I hate having to put my health plans on hold like this, but I'm also a realist who doesn't want a repeat of my 2013 trauma). If so, considering I'm now on 5.96mg, would getting to a round figure – e.g. 5mg – be sensible, since I could ask for 10mg tablets and simply cut them in half? Getting from 20mg to 5mg and being stable would still be a positive achievement! I appreciate that some of my questions are really more for me to find the ultimate answer, but I'm still very grateful for people's thoughts and experiences. Many, many thanks. This website and Paxil Progress back in 2013 is a genuine life saver. ______________ MY HISTORY______________ 2002 to 2007 22 to 27 years old - First prescribed Seroxat 20mg daily and taken properly, fully compliant. Do not have records, but attempted to stop by alternating doses around 2006, age 26. Was awful with terrible brain zaps and vomiting. Reinstated by psychiatrist, and pushed up to 40mg by early 2007, age 27. 2013 failed Seroxat taper 33 years old - January to October 2013: 40mg to 0mg Seroxat, by dropping 2mg every fortnight. Did not know of the 10% method. Terrible reaction soon after hitting zero. - November to mid-December 2013: took various drugs prescribed by doctors who would not recognise withdrawal, including diazepam, quetiapine, zopliclone. I did not continue with any of these drugs after mid-December 2013. - January 2014 was back fully on Seroxat, and worked quickly back up to 20mg from mid-December 2013. Latest, 2018 taper, following 10% method, starting with 20mg Seroxat 38 years old - Saturday, 17 February 2018 – 9 ml / 18 mg - Saturday, 17 March 2018 – 8.1 ml / 16.2 mg - Saturday, 14 April 2018 – 7.3 ml / 14.6 mg - Saturday, 12 May 2018 – 6.58 ml / 13.16 mg - Saturday, 9 June 2018 - 5.92 ml / 11.84 mg - Saturday, 7 July 2018 - 5.34 ml / 10.68 mg - Saturday, 4 August 2018 – 5 ml / 10 mg - Saturday, 1 September 2018 - 4.5 ml / 9 mg - Saturday, 29 September 2018 - 4.06 ml / 8.12 mg - Saturday, 27 October 2018 - 3.66 ml / 7.32 mg - Saturday, 24 November 2018 - 3.3 ml / 6.6 mg - Saturday, 22 December 2018 – Meant to be 2.98 ml, but between 22 and 27 December, believe I took 2.92ml by mistake / Meant to be 5.96 mg but by mistake, probably took 5.84mg daily between 22 and 27 December During this latest taper: - No other pharmaceutical drugs. - Rarely drink alcohol. - Drink between 1 and 3 cups of (black) tea or coffee a day. - Take vitamin D supplement as was found to be deficient in it in spring 2018 (my guess is due to not liking/eating oily fish, not being a fan of sunshine and being overweight – I'm about 18 stone, or 252lbs). - Also take a general multivitamin/mineral approximately every other day. - I use an e-cigarette lots. I gave up smoking in 2015 after a chest infection and so vaping is my nicotine source.
  18. Hi everyone, I am new here and I would greatly appreciate your help! I am sorry for my long story (with possible errors) but I just can't find anyone who can answer my questions and I desperately seek recognition and advice. If you do not want to read this long story please scroll to my questions and fears? I'm Renske, 46 years old, and I'm from the Netherlands. I have been taking 20 mg of Seroxat aka Paxil for a very long time (since I was 19) because I was diagnosed with a compulsive disorder. Seroxat worked very well for me for a long time. Mainly because I gradually gained weight (more than 25 kilos), and kept gaining (with no obvious reason, such as eating a lot or something like that) and everything was checked; bloodwork, thyroid etc , I decided a few years ago to try to phase out Seroxat. Because I already knew how difficult that would be, I did it VERY slowly, with a suspension. I was busy with this for a year. Throughout the year I was particularly affected by huge irritations and hostility. It seemed as if I had absolutely no patience and I was constantly angry. I have been very sad about this, because I was particularly unkind and impatient towards my children (8 and 11). Not physically thank God, but extreme irritation and impatience is of course also very bad. This made me feel very guilty. The phasing out eventually failed, the moment I took almost nothing anymore, because I became extremely anxious and because the obsessive thoughts came back. Because I didn't have a back-up plan, after all the effort 😞 I quickly rebuilt to the full dose. It didn't work properly anymore; so i went up to 30 mg. Still didn't work properly. What I found remarkable, though, was that the aggressive / irritated feelings greatly decreased. In consultation with a psychologist and psychiatrist I recently decided to switch to Lexapro (escitapram) although I realize that it is a matter of trying, because many SSRIs work the same (with the risk that it would not work properly again) and that they often have the same side effects (weight gain). I noticed that I had developed some sort of aversion to Seroxat, because it is apparently the most difficult drug to phase out and because it is the biggest culprit among the SSRis when it comes to weight gain. The current situation: week 1: Seroxat (paxil) I went from 30 mg to 20 mg, week 2; 20 mg of Seroxat, week 3; 10 mg Seroxat and 5 mg Escitalopram (lexapro), week 4; stop Seroxat and 10 mg escitalopram. Afterwards; continue with 10 mg escitalopram. I understand that 10 mg of Lexapro (escitalopram) is approximately equal to 20 mg of Seroxat. I am now at the beginning of week 5. During these past weeks I have had the so-called and famous brain zapps, and huge sweat attacks. But the worst thing is that I am AGAIN so terribly irritated and hostile. I recognize this as a withdrawal from Seroxat, I am almost certain that this is not a side effect of building the escitalopram. Ironically, I don't have a lot of trouble with my compulsion, but all the more with my very short temper. Discussed it with the psychiatrist; she indicates that if this is a withdrawal phenomenon, it should be over in a few weeks, according to the pharmacist who makes the product. Of course I said that that is the biggest bullsh*t and that there are so many people who suffer from these symptoms for a longer period of time. She didn't really have an answer for that. She indicated that maybe it was my personality that came back. But that is nonsense; I was always gentle and kind to others. this is also not ordinary irritation due to stress or something, but it really seems like something physical that really engulfs me, just like that She suggested perhaps adding some Seroxat again? The reason why I do not believe in this is because in the past I have phased out the Seroxat very slowly and then I also had such symptoms. Why would that be different now? My questions and fears: Does anyone recognize the symptoms of irritation, impatience and hostility of phasing out the Seroxat / Paxil? How long can this take? Was this passing on? Is there anyone with whom this went away as a new drug started to work properly? I am afraid that this withdrawal phenomenon will continue to exist for a long time due to the withdrawal of Seroxat, while the Lexapro may work, can this coexist? Or is that far-fetched? I know that all anti-depressants must be phased out gradually. Would it make sense to take a little more Seroxat next to the Lexapro, so that I would phase out slower, despite using Lexapro at the same time (within safe margins of course)because the (very) slow reduction has not diminished the feelings of irritation in the past, and I am now inclined to finally stop completely with Seroxat and switch completely to Lexapro. I would be so grateful if I get some responses from people who recognize things. Again, sorry for my long story. Thanks so much in advance. Renske
  19. I have been on Paxil for 20 years. I was originally put on it for reactive depression from getting fibromyalgia . I don't need it now. I am not depressed anymore. My problem is that there is no liquid Seroxat /Paxil available here. I first tried bridging to Prozac. I found that moving from Seroxat to Prozac was too hard. I then tried dissolving it in water but my Seroxat tablets do not suspend or dissolve in water. They sink to the bottom of the glass. Does anyone know a reputable online pharmacy that sells liquid paxil and ships to Israel? There was a suggestion of using "Ora Plus" suspension liquid on this forum to dissolve insoluble tablets. I can easily buy Ora Plus from ebay with international shipping. What puts me off is that all the reviews of that on Amazon involve people using it to suspend tablets they give to their dogs and cats! It also contains some nasty sounding chemicals. The shipping cost is crazy too. But that doesn't worry me as much as the other two reasons. I take the gsk - glaxo smith kline version of Seroxat. I take 3/4 of a tablet - 15mg. It's the same tablet distributed to the whole of the European Union. Has anyone here successfully tapered off that without the liquid Seroxat? If so how did you do it? Anyone know an online pharmacy that sells liquid Paxil that ships to Israel?
  20. Melissa03

    Melissa03: paroxetine / Paxil WD

    Same day as yesterday. Just slight headache after seroxat. No improvement. I wasn't able to sleep at all last night. I took melatonin.this Morning I feel a bit dizy but I don't know is it the side effects of seroxat or cause of my insomnia. I feel desperate,can't get out of bed. What is the combination of mirtazapine with seroxat,just for sleep? Seroxat in hope that it would work eventually and mirtazapine before bed for sleep ,would it help ?
  21. Melissa03

    Melissa03: paroxetine / Paxil WD

    Hello to all Paxil reinstatement started working after exactly 40 days. BUT... The reason why I tapered so quickly in the first place returned,immediately after taking paxil I started again having those autoimmune reactions. So my question is-I would have to taper a bit quickly then recommended,what would be the safe approach to do that and not crush again after 3 months? I am at 10 mg,can I expect those reactions to lessen as I lower mg? Cause I saw with 10% taper I would be at 5 mg in 7 months. Maybe at 5 mg seroxat doesnt have any more side effects? So my story is,quick taper in month,crushed after 3 months,suffer badly for two months,stabilized a bit with persistent physical symptoms of fast taper and back on starting point with starting health issues cause of seroxat. Wonedrful story. About blurred vision and tinnitus,when can I expect it goes away?After I reach 0?Can it get worse during taper?Or can it be permanent cause of first fast taper?I would like completely honest answers and experiences as I would like to prepare myself for anything that can pop out on the way
  22. Hello everyone, first of all, I wanna thank everyone in this forum for giving me hope and for making me feel less alone. After being AD free for exactly 3 weeks today, I decided to create my own profile so I could tell my story and update you on my journey towards recovery. Let's start with the basics: female, mid-twenties, working and studying at the same time. I've suffered from anxiety and panic issues my whole life, so I guess it wasn't a surprise when I finally developed OCD when I was a teenager (health related obsessions are my the most persisting obsessions, so I guess you could say I suffer from hypochondria as well). Specialists have 'officially' diagnosed me with OCD, anxiety disorder (not specified which one apart from OCD) and, as of late, depression (but we'll get to that in a minute). July 2015 I was prescribed Seroxat 20 mg (Paxil) because I was severely impaired due to my anxiety disorder and OCD. It seemed to work like magic! Life was so much better for a year or so: my obsessions returned to being just thoughts that I could easily ignore, I hung out with friends and family a lot more, I could get outside of my house without feeling panicky, my work life was SO much better, I didn't feel as anxious... I didn't suffer from any major side effects, apart from weight gain. My psychiatrist never warned me that coming off the meds would be so hard. He never mentioned withdrawal, or discontinuation syndrome. I expressed him my concerns about being on the drug for a long time (my common sense told me you aren't supposed to be on this medication for a long period of time). He asked me if I was having any major side effects from taking it, I said no, he said: "then why the hurry? you will be able to come off of it once you're feeling better." *sigh* So I took it for 3 years... I went to him one other time to tell him that, whenever I missed my dose for one day, I'd get really weird head sensations that I'd never experienced before (now I know it's the famous BRAIN ZAPS!), alongside nausea. He said that this was a normal thing that happens when you stop taking the medication, but he said I was probably very sensitive to Seroxat and that's why it happened after only one day of not taking it. Since my symptoms went away once I took my normal dose again, I never thought much of it. So, fast forward to February 2018: I was sick and tired of taking meds. Yes, I wasn't feeling especially bad while being on them, but I just had the feeling that I'd been taking them for long enough and I genuinely thought it wouldn't make a difference on my mental health to stop taking them, since I felt stable (albeit a bit anxious, that's why i thought meds weren't doing anything anymore). I wasn't living in the same country anymore, so seeing my psychiatrist wasn't possible. Now, this is the part where I understand I messed up: I started tapering, but I did it as I pleased, basically. I know now that this was EXTREMELY irresponsible. I wish I had informed myself better, and I also wish my doctor hadn't given me the impression that SSRI's are not difficult to get off. I didn't follow a schedule, I just tried listening to my body: I went from taking 20mg each day, to taking 20 mg one day, 10 mg the next, then 20 mg. the next (I don't know if I'm explaining myself: for example; Monday 20 mg, Tuesday 10 mg, Wed. 20 mg, Thursday, 10 mg... and so on). Once I was done doing it (I did indeed feel a bit more anxious and suffered from brain zaps and nausea for a while, but it went away), I reduced the meds again and took 20 mg. every other day. I followed this last routine for at least 3/4 months and, even though I felt worse, it was still manageable. I suffered from nausea, derealization and brain zaps for a while, but they eventually went away. July 2018 (5/6 months after 'tapering') I decided to take it to the next level: I'd take 10 mg. every day. After 2 weeks of following that routine, I took 10 mg. every other day. Now, that was the point when withdrawal showed its ugly head: derealization, panic attacks, anxiety for no reason, obsessions, brain zaps, nausea and nightmares begun. This was end july-beginning of august. I went back on them (10 mg. a day), and symptoms definitely alleviated. A month later, I tried again - I tried stopping taking them completely at a point in my life where I had a lot of changes coming up (moving countries, change in job, last year of uni, quitting birth control meds...), and that's when hell broke loose. I now feel so bad about it, I wish I had made things differently I don't understand how I could act so irresponsibly. What happened was, I suffered a major OCD relapse, anxiety was present 24/7. I tried going on Seroxat again, 20 mg. for a month, following my psychiatrists orders (I was back in my country, so I contacted him immediately). It didn't seem to work (although my nightmares stopped). This relapse was so bad I started suffering from really bad depression. My psychiatrist told me to be patient. He said Seroxat would start working at some point. After a month of taking Seroxat and seeing no improvement, my new therapist suggested I started treatment with this other psychiatrist. I was so desperate, I went to see him. After hearing my whole story, this new psych. told me that Seroxat wasn't working for me anymore. He prescribed Sertraline/Zoloft (100 mg.). I followed his instructions, and so I went from 20 mg. of Seroxat daily, to 10 mg. daily for a week, then stopping it completely the next. I started Zoloft 50 mg. while tapering off Seroxat. After one week, I went from 50 mg. Zoloft to 100. IT WAS HELL: agitation, panic attacks (yes, even more panic attacks!), vivid dreams (I had never experienced something like that before, EVER), suicidal ideation (sorry)... those were the most prominent symptoms. I waited a month to see if it improved: it never did, even though I tried everything - changing the time I took the meds, taking a lower dose (all of this by doctor's orders). He finally told me that Zoloft wasn't working for me either, and told me to taper off of it (quickly...). He then said to wait for a week without any meds to see how I was feeling. After I week I'd start taking Fluvoxamine / Luvox (yet another med!). This was 4 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago I completely went off the meds, as instructed, and never dared to try fluvoxamine. I've already gone through enough. I feel so upset because no doctor actually thinks this is real. Yes, he told me AD discontinuation happens, and yes, he said Paxil is one of the harder drugs to quit, but he said the discontinuation syndrome would only last for 3 or 4 days! How delusional can they be? I told my doctor about this, expressed him my concerns about still being in withdrawal and he said that I should try going back to Seroxat, 5 mg. I still haven't followed his advice. What do you think I should do? I'm already 3 weeks in recovery from AD... So, how do I feel now? Here's a list of my main symptoms: When I stopped taking Seroxat and I begun taking Sertraline, daily vivid dreams started. My doctor thought it was a side effect of taking Zoloft, but I believe it's a side effect from Seroxat withdrawal, since I already had a taste of them when I tried tapering off of Seroxat a few months prior to this. Also, I did cross taper, so I started taking Sertraline when I was weaning myself off Seroxat. I still suffer from them almost every day. I wake up with an emotional hungover that lasts for hours. I sometimes hear loud sounds that aren't really there while drifting off to sleep or when I wake up. Sounds like bangs, alarm clocks... Doctor says it's stress, I say it's withdrawal. Nocturnal panic attacks / panic in dreams: I wake up with my heart racing and a feeling of impending doom (I take a small dose of a benzodiazepine most nights to help me sleep at least a little. I know it's not the best thing to do, but I had no other choice, believe me.) This had never happened to me before all of this withdrawal process. Fewer hours of sleep. It's not drastic, but I do sleep fewer hours. 6 hours a day more or less. Brain zaps. These were most intense during the first week and a half of quitting Sertraline. I still have them, but they aren't as intense and the frequency has also decreased A LOT (like 70%). Feeling dizzy. This symptom is the one that bothers me the least. It happens rarely and the intensity is low. It started happening to me on week 2. Hyperarousal. This, alongside vivid dreaming, is the worst symptom for me. This manifests itself in the form of agitation, suddenly feeling panicky, feeling the adrenaline inside my body all of a sudden. Increased obsessions. This is basically my OCD coming back, full force. Irritability. I become aggresive for absolutely NO reason! I don't act on those feelings, of course, but I sometimes scream at people or give them a bad attitude because of stupid reasons. I immediately apologize like a minute later, because I know I overreacted. Mood swings - including crying spells, intense feelings of depression and hopelessness. I am experiencing windows and waves at this point, to be honest. I didn't think it was really a thing until I started experiencing it for myself. This gives me hope... What am I doing to help myself? I'm starting meditation. I'm also starting EFT tapping. I'm trying to slowly eat healthier. I'm moving my body for at least 45 min. a day (gentle exercising, such as swimming slowly or walking). I've tried acupuncture... I'm unsure of its efficacy. Thank you so much for reading my story. I'm so grateful for this site. If you have any questions, I'm here for you
  23. manymoretodays

    Melissa03: paroxetine / Paxil WD

    Hi M03, How much melatonin did you take? More notes please. It looks like you slept for 8 hours. You can note times, on the left, and then symptoms and all drugs and supplements, by name, with dosages, on the right. Simple to do, really. I don't even see a dose of seroxat noted. Could be you slept badly due to staying in bed until 1 pm, or so, yesterday too. I don't know. You can note things, again, to the right of the time, like tossed and turned, woke up, and any symptoms that you are having through the night. You did do some of this in your note I quoted. We really need notes, drug and symptom notes, to answer your questions better, and make suggestions. Black thoughts may be due to the cortisol effect: Waking with panic or anxiety- managing the morning cortisol spike Sometimes, it's the dark thoughts too. Insomnia helps: Not a good combination at all. Drug interaction report from Drugs.com here Please look at the link, M03..... it's blue and says here, you can just click on it to see. And Drugs.com, is excellent, by the way to not only check drug interactions, but to check out any drugs, before you might try them. We are also, just so you know, not in the habit of further drug recommends. We are a site more for harm reduction tapering and WD, and support around that. I think you are experiencing WD, even though, you reinstated a hefty dose, and/or some dysregulation now. You reinstated much higher than what we usually suggest. Not to chastise you, just that is why we have people reinstate real low, more often with .5 mg or 1 mg, at most, with your particular drug. And you have had the same symptoms, as you stated, for a month now too. I know it's tough, but try to refrain from making further drastic drug changes or additions right now. Your nervous system will thank you. When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal. Insomnia is no small deal. So, let's see if we can help you find more non-drug coping to help with sleep now. Did it used to work for you, or have any benefit? The seroxat? Can you update your signature, as to when you re-started/reinstated the 10 mg dose of Seroxat please. Year, month spelled out, and day/date. Go to Account Settings/signature and then don't forget to hit save. And then, we usually ask members to use caution starting these ^ too. Just start with one or the other, at a low amount, until you know how you do with it. You can use your notes for your own benefit too, if you only make one change or addition at a time, you are more likely to know, what might cause what. Thank you. Best, and L, P, H, and G, mmt
  24. I was put on 20mg of Seroxat in May 1996 (directly after two weeks of Valium). I was 19 years old. Prescription was for Panic Disorder, GAD and Mild Depression (although I had never felt depressed and explained that many times over the years to my doctor(s)). As were many, I was told I had a chemical balance which, just like a diabetic needs insulin, I needed seroxat. Since then, I have tried approximately 5 times to come off the medication (with taper of sorts - usually 10mg for a few weeks and then to zero). Each time, the anxiety came back, always with new symptoms (extreme nausea, vertigo, increased anxiety, obsessive dark thoughts). I also developed irrational fears (fear of driving on highways and over bridges, fear of ski lifts, fear of heights, fear of flying, fear of business meetings. In fact, pretty much fear of everything.). Each time I visited a doctor, I was told the same thing: you have a chemical imbalance and need to go back on Seroxat. Sure enough, a single tablet would have me feeling back to “normal” within a matter of hours. I used to joke about it with doctors “wow, what a placebo effect. This should take weeks to work?”. Now I realise I was (probably) in withdrawal. Two years ago, after being in a protracted depression for the best part of 10 years (something I hadn’t realised as it had become my baseline state), I had got myself down to approximately 7mg a day. The reason I was trying to come off was two fold: firstly, my wife and I wanted to start a family and I was concerned about both my fertility and damage to any baby I conceive. Secondly, I had made a huge effort to get fit, was running 40km a week and had dropped from 92kg to 78kg-I’m 178cm. This gave me the confidence that I was in the best physical place to achieve it. Soon after, I suffered what I considered to be a mental breakdown. I was ready to leave my loving wife and had developed a clinical apathy to everything. I became petrified I would commit suicide (I never felt this was realistic but the thought of it gave me panic attacks). Furthermore, I started wondering such thoughts as “will I jump off the balcony whilst sleep walking”. I had been seeing a psychologist for some time but talking about things seemed to make the situation worse. I also started seeing a CBT therapist. I would feel better during a session but on leaving, my mood would severely crash, like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I knew I was in a bad place. The psychologist recommended me to a psychiatrist who was the most uncaring person I have ever met. How she medically practices, I have no idea. She wasn’t interested in my drug history, offered me barely five minutes of her time, and prescribed 50mg Trittico to be taken before bed. I took it for a few nights but decided that it was not right for me. She then offered me several other kinds of SSRIs. I declined them all and went back to 20mg of Seroxat. However, this time felt different. I was sure that seroxat was nothing more than the placebo (how could you explain the fact I got better after taking a single favor each time I had a “relapse”. As suspected, i had lost belief in the drug, and it did not bring the immediate relief like it had every time previously. I was petrified. To me, this confirmed my worse fears. It had been a placebo all this time, and now, because I was sure it wasn’t going to work, it didn’t. I was a lost case. This created severe anxiety and panic. All I could think was that I had been on a placebo for 20 + years and now I had uncovered this fact, ADs would never work for me again. I was destined to suffer dibilitating anxiety and depression for the rest of my life. Things improved slightly after being back on 20mg for a few weeks. But I was still anxious and depressed, and the mood swings were unbareable. During this time, i had had a medical for my work which showed I had very high cholesterol (7.99 in European measures) and the doctor put me on Crestor. At the time, the cardiologist told me “this is not the first time I have seen somebody at the surgery who has unusually high cholesterol following a long period of exposure to SSRIs”. This was the first time I considered what the meds had been doing to me over the years. My dark moods seemed to get worse during this period of being on Crestor. My cholesterol dropped by 50% in this time, but I could now barely function. I did some research into the link between statins and depression and decided to quit the Crestor cold turkey. My moods improved somewhat (at least I could hold a conversation now). I had also started to suffer from eczema on my arms, forehead and legs (first time in my life). Furthermore, I suffered from a bout of Diverticulitis (the doctor told me the main risk factor was constipaiton) and also blood in the urine (which after every test, scan, x-ray known to man, a cause could not be found). Further research made me realise that not only could all of these problems be linked to seroxat, so could my unexplained depression and mood swings. I made the decision to come off seroxat for good. That was in October of last year. I found a new psychiatrist who was supportive of my decision and recognized the importance of taper. However, he didn’t believe that my problems could be caused by seroxat, and thought taper over a month was perfectly acceptable. By this time, I had been on seroxat 22 years. I decided to taper for longer. I immediately dropped to 10mg per day as this is something that I had down many times throughout the years without too many problems. I would get the usual brain zaps but nothing I couldn’t handle. As I started to reduce mg by mg (1mg per week) using liquid, I could actually feel my constant depressive mood lifting somewhat (perhaps only by 10%, but there was something ). This encouraged me to go on. I sped up towards the end to 1mg per week as I just wanted to be off it. I took my last dose in the second week of January. Since then, I have been going through withdrawal. The first couple of weeks were ok (brain zaps I have suffered since 1996 so they don’t scare me). My general depressive level definitely improved. The hardest part for me was (and still is) the rapid onset of change in mood. One minute I am fine, the next my mood crashes. During every crash, I immediately think “the only reason I feel better is the placebo effect. The depression and anxiety is going to come back and get me”. CBT has helped with this catestrophic thinking and the moods seem to only last for a few hours (rather than days or weeks as previously). Every week, as a whole, I am seeing huge improvements. I have cried a lot (and it feels great). I am starting to look forward to things again. The apathy has lifted by 75%. I had a few days of panic and GAD earlier on that would seem to come out of nowhere. I would just wake up and feel down and have fear. I also started to wake during the night in a panic. But I stayed with it. A few weeks ago, I started waking more often during the night. 3 or 4 times. That developed into full blown insomnia for a few days. Last night, I slept without waking once for the first time in a month. The anxiety is now 75% better. Two days ago, I feel I had my best day for years and years. I am generally excited but scared. Since January, I have dropped from 86kg to 78kg. My skin condition has totally cleared up. What if me feeling better is a coincidence? Or the placebo effect? I have read that it can feel you are through the withdrawal, only for it to come back even harder in the future. How will I cope with that!? Now that I’ve felt well, I don’t want to go back where I was. I currently live in Zurich, Switzerland. I can find almost no support here. No doctor, psychologists, psychiatrist or therapist seems to have any idea about withdrawal. They are all desperate to tell me I have relapsed. I so truly want to believe they are wrong, that this whole thing is a drug induced nightmare, and that I will continue to get better. However, the devil on my shoulder is still there. During any period of weakness, he reminds me that the recovery is all in my head and it’s only a matter of time before I relapse. And so here I am. Hoping to be part of a support group that can help me with my withdrawal and keep me believeing. Even more importantly, I want to help others.
  25. Hi @Altostrata Been a tough few days. But, I've logged all my symptoms, as requested. Sorry it's all in bold, I can't seem to switch it off from where I've copied and pasted it. Would be hugely grateful for your thoughts on the below. DeterminedAnna's daily symptoms – 27 June to 3 July 2019 Scale: 0 – no symptoms / 10 – extreme symptoms Dark red: bad symptoms, ranging to...Green: no symptoms, feel normal or even good Drink at least 1.5 litres (0.33 gallons) of sparkling mineral water a day. Have taken one 10mg propranolol during the below period. Was prescribed them in March 2019 for emergencies and have taken five of them, on five separate occasions weeks apart, since that time. I have taken Imodium (loperamide) a couple of times in the below period. I rarely take this, and only do so if my diarrhoea is extreme (sometimes it's the urgency that wakes me up). Last period: started 11 June 2019. Each cycle averages 41 days (based on last ten periods), so I probably ovulate around day 27. I believe symptoms peak around ovulation and stay high until period, between days 27 and 41. NB. My last three periods have been closer together – 36, 39, and 34 days apart – so a more recent average is 36.33 days. This would put my ovulation date at around day 22. Thursday 27 June 2019 – day 16 of menstrual cycle 08:00 - 09:30 – half awake, nightmare-like jumbled racing thoughts – anxiety 6/10; depression 6/10 09:30 – fully awake, checking emails, extreme racing thoughts, jittery sensations, zero motivation – anxiety 8/10; depression 8/10 10:10 – explosive yellow diarrhoea 10:15 – phone call to parents, intense crying – anxiety 7/10; depression 10/10 10:30 – housework – anxiety 7/10; depression 9/10 11:00 – probiotic yoghurt, breakfast cereal bar and 300ml (10 fl oz) orange juice 11:10 – update my SA thread – anxiety 7/10; depression 9/10 11:30 – measure out Seroxat doses for next four days – anxiety 6/10; depression 9/10 11:50 - 13:30 – freelance work – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 13:30 – lunch of ham / pearl barley salad, hummus and rye crackers – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 13:50 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 14:00 – deep breathing exercise with calming music – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 14:15 – shower / makeup for part-time tutoring job – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 14:45 – drive to job – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 15:00 - 18:15 – tutoring job and drive home – anxiety 3/10; depression 5/10 (15:15 – weak black tea and milk) 18:15 - 18:45 – housework – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 18:50 - 20:00 – freelance work – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 20:05 – dinner of half a ham and mushroom pizza and mixed salad, some banter with partner – anxiety 3/10; depression 6/10 20:20 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:30 - 00:30 – freelance work in lounge with partner watching TV – anxiety 3/10; depression 6/10 (28 June 2019) 01:15(?) sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues – itchy, red, hot leathery skin with tiny blisters: 7/10. Friday 28 June 2019 – day 17 of menstrual cycle 08:00 – wake up, didn’t linger in bed as long as yesterday with anxious thoughts – anxiety 6/10; depression 6/10 08:30 - 10:30 – housework – anxiety 6/10; depression 7/10 09:05 – yellow diarrhoea 10:30 - 13:30 – freelance work – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 11:20 – breakfast cereal bar 11:45 – music track plays that reminds me of peak Seroxat withdrawal symptoms, feel agitated – anxiety 7/10; depression 7/10 13:30 - 13:50 – lunch of chicken salad and falafel, one 330ml (11 fl oz) can Pepsi Max cherry 13:50 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 13:55 – looked at holiday websites, feel stressed – anxiety 8/10; depression 8/10 14:00 - 19:00 – freelance work and correspondence – anxiety 5/10; depression 6/10 18:00 – 300ml (10 fl oz) glass of orange juice 19:00 – dinner of salad, ham, hummus, pitta bread, falafel; anxiety 2/10; depression 3/10 19:30 - 22:30 – watch TV; light chit chat with partner, some joking – anxiety 1/10; depression 2/10 20:10 – probiotic yoghurt 20:10 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 22:30 – shower, feel cheerful – anxiety 1/10; depression 1/10 23:00 – in bed, deep breathing exercises, cuddle my cat, feel good – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 23:30 onwards – reading on phone with strong blue light filter; feel awake, motivated and energised – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 (29 June 2019) 02:00(?) – sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – spreading downwards, getting more itchy and tingly again. Saturday 29 June 2019 – day 18 of menstrual cycle 07:30 – wake up very briefly, can't remember status of symptoms 10:00 – wake up fully to partner stroking my hair (unusually, I don't jerkily push him away and don't have any memorable nightmares) – anxiety 3/10; depression 3/10 10:10 – yellow diarrhoea 10:15 – back to bed for weak black milky tea and breakfast cereal bar, feel cheerful – anxiety 1/10; depression 0/10 10:30 – wash oral syringes – anxiety 1/10; depression 0/10 10:45 - 11:30 – housework – anxiety 3/10; depression 3/10 11:30 - 12:00 – read about dreaming, REM sleep and depression – anxiety 4/10; depression 4/10 12:00 - 13:30 – housework – anxiety 2/10; depression 2/10 13:30 – lunch of ham salad, pitta bread, hummus, pickles – anxiety 2/10; depression 2/10 13:45 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 14:00 - 19:30 – freelance work, felt cheerful, motivated and calm – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 19:45 – dinner of mushroom pie, spring greens and baby sweetcorn, followed by Magnum ice-cream – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 20:00 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:00 - 23:30 – watch TV (music festival coverage) – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 23:30 – shower – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 23:45 – in bed, deep breathing exercises and meditation audio – anxiety 0/10; depression 0/10 (30 June 2019) 01:30(?) – sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – still spreading downwards, itchy and tingly. Very oily facial skin. Large tender pimple on right cheek. Sunday 30 June 2019 – day 19 of menstrual cycle 06:50 – wake, jumbled, racing, intrusive thoughts and panic symptoms, jittery, breathless, don't want to get up – anxiety 7/10; depression 6/10 07:10 – take 100mg magnesium citrate, deep breathing exercises 07:30 - 08:45 – read celebrity gossip which doesn't lift my mood but does distract – anxiety 5/10; depression 6/10 08:45 - 11:45 – lightly sleep, waking a couple of times 11:55 – bowl of low-sugar granola and skimmed milk, 300ml (10 fl oz) orange juice 12:10 – yellow diarrhoea 12:30 - 13:30 – shower, wash hair and do makeup – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 13:35 – multigrain low-GI crisps 13:35 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 13:40 - 15:50 – I drive to / visit partner's parents, with partner – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 14:20 – weak black tea with milk and small piece of homemade ginger cake 15:15 - 16:10 – I drive to parents, feel sad, miss my former car, keep comparing new car to it and other, better cars on the road – anxiety 4/10; depression 7/10 17:00 – mum's dinner of homemade vegetarian pizza and salad, one 330ml (11 fl oz) can of sugar-free orange Fanta – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 17:30 – lower intestinal cramps and suppressed flatulence 17:50 – small, solid bowel movement with straining 18:15 - 19:00 – barefooted in garden with mum looking at her plants, uncomfortable existential thoughts and images of my parents dying – anxiety 7/10; depression 7/10 19:00 - 19:15 – stay in garden alone, deep breathing – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 19:30 - 20:00 – I drive home with partner, feel sad and tense – anxiety 6/10; depression 7/10 19:45 – one 330ml (11 fl oz) can of sugar-free orange Fanta 20:05 – probiotic yoghurt and 250ml (8 fl oz) orange juice 20:05 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:10 - 23:10 – watch TV 21:00 - 22:00 – watch The Handmaid's Tale. Feel uncomfortable and agitated – anxiety 7/10; depression 7/10 23:30 – take 100mg magnesium citrate – and 2mg loperamide for morning diarrhoea (1 July 2019) 00:30(?) – sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – still now spreading to my right, itchy and tingly. Monday 1 July 2019 – day 20 of menstrual cycle 06:30 – short wakeup, don’t remember feelings or symptoms 07:45 – wake, jumbled, racing, intrusive thoughts and panic symptoms, jittery, breathless, don't want to get up – anxiety 7/10; depression 6/10 08:00 - 10:45 – lightly sleep, but with jumbled, racing intrusive thoughts, suicidal images and panic symptoms, jittery, breathless, just want to go to sleep and not wake up, exhausted – anxiety 8/10; depression 9/10 11:00 – housework – anxiety 6/10; depression 9/10 11:30 – breakfast bar and one 330ml (11 fl oz) can Pepsi Max cherry – probably shouldn’t have caffeine but I feel exhausted 11:30 – paperwork and admin, difficult to concentrate one any one thing – anxiety 5/10; depression 9/10 13:15 – update my intro thread – anxiety 5/10; depression 8/10 13:40 – lunch of chicken / tabouleh salad and salt ‘n’ vinegar potato crisps, 250ml (8 fl oz) orange juice 14:00 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 14:05 - 15:45 – on and off SA website a lot – anxiety 6/10; depression 8/10 16:00 – feel very down and unmotivated, and very hot and uncomfortable – anxiety 6/10; depression 10/10 16:15 - 16:45 – go upstairs to dim / cool bedroom to do deep breathing exercise – anxiety 6/10; depression 10/10 16:50(?) - 18:15 – sleep, then wake in panic and to same feelings – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 18:20 - 18:50 – update symptom tracker from paper notes – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 19:00 – partner phones to say he's on way home, I start crying – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 19:10 - 20:00 housework – feel agitated – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 20:00 – dinner of pasta, tomato and vegetable sauce and salad, can't eat it all 20:15 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:15 – watch TV and feel inner agitation, envious of happy healthy people – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 20:30 – have probiotic yoghurt 20:30 - 23:15 watch TV (comedy) – still hard to concentrate or relax – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 23:20 – come upstairs for shower but feel too unwell – hot, heart racing, dry gagging, pelvic / lower tummy pain 23:30 – take 200mg magnesium citrate 23:45 – take 10mg propranolol (2 July 2019) 01:30(?) – sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – still now spreading in all directions, itchy and tingly. Really bad day with extreme symptoms. Tuesday 2 July 2019 – day 21 of menstrual cycle 05:30 – short wakeup, don’t remember feelings or symptoms 07:45 – wake fully after nightmare. Can't face another day of this. Extreme racing, jumbled, intrusive thoughts. Inner trembling and restlessness. Cramp/tingling in arms from fist clenching. Dry gagging and nausea – anxiety 10/10; depression 10/10 08:30 – uncontrollable intense crying, feel exhausted afterwards – anxiety 10/10; depression 10/10 08:40 - 09:45 – sleep. Wake up feeling marginally calmer – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 09:50 – check work emails and update these notes – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 10:30 – text mum, start crying – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 10:40 – runny yellow bowel movement 10:45 - 11:30 – housework, keep thinking about taking loads of propranolol – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 11:30 – bowl of low sugar granola and skimmed milk 11:45 - 12:00 – cool shower, feel a little calmer and less agitated – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 12:00 - 13:30 – freelance work – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 13:30 - 13:45 – lunch of chicken tabouleh salad, rye crackers and Cheddar cheese, one 330ml (11 fl oz) can Pepsi Max cherry 13:45 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 14:00 – probiotic yoghurt and nectarine 14:15 - 15:10, shower, get ready for, then drive to, work – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 15:15 - 17:30 – part-time tutoring job – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 15:30 – weak black tea and milk 17:30 - 18:15 – lower stomach cramps and suppressed flatulence 17:30 - 18:15 – drive colleague home, talk in car for 10 minutes, I start crying – anxiety 6/10; depression 9/10 18:20 – home; explosive yellow diarrhoea 18:30 - 19:45 – housework – anxiety 6/10; depression 7/10 19:50 – dinner of stir fried vegetables, chicken and noodles – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 20:05 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:10 – 23:10 – watch TV, feel slightly better than earlier in day – anxiety 4/10; depression 6/10 21:00 – feel sleepy, but resist urge to go too bed too early 23:40 – take 200mg magnesium citrate and 4mg loperamide 23:45 – deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation exercises while listening to meditation track (3 July 2019) 01:30(?) sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – still now spreading in all directions, itchy and tingly. All evening: lower stomach cramps and flatulence. Wednesday 3 July 2019 – day 22 of menstrual cycle 04:20 – wake shortly, don’t remember symptoms 08:00 – wake more fully with racing, jumbled thoughts – do deep breathing exercise – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 08:40 - 09:55 – sleep lightly / intermittently. More racing, jumbled thoughts, perhaps it is hypnagogia? Inner trembling, arm cramps from clenching fists, waves of panic – anxiety 9/10; depression 10/10 09:55 – wake fully, sit up, dry gagging, nausea, itchy across top half of body, shaking, sense of terror – anxiety 10/10; depression 10/10 10:00 – update my symptoms notes 10:15 – bowl of low-sugar granola and skimmed milk, feel slightly better 10:30 – housework, feel dizzy, weak, exhausted, light sensitivity – anxiety 10/10; depression 10/10 10:50 – feel awful, lie down in dark bedroom, cuddle cat 11:00(?) - 12:15 – sleep intermittently, waves of panic and guilt for not doing work – anxiety 10/10; depression 10/10 12:20 - 13:00 – housework, struggle with symptoms and procrastinate 13:00 – 14:00 – shower, makeup, get dressed and drive to cafe next to part-time job, to work in change of scenery – anxiety 8/10; depression 10/10 14:00 – lunch of chicken and pesto baguette, cheese ‘n’ onion potato crisps, weak black tea with milk 14:12 – take 7mg Seroxat, 2000 IU vitamin D3, 200mg magnesium citrate, half a multivitamin/mineral tablet 14:15 – 15:10 – freelance work, keys on computer not working properly – anxiety 7/10; depression – 9/10 15:15 - 17:30 – part-time tutoring job – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 15:15 – chamomile tea 17:30 - 18:10 – drive colleague home and talk in car outside her house, have a giggle but still feel bad inside, have lower stomach cramps – anxiety 5/10; depression 7/10 18:20 – home, solid bowel movement 18:25 - 18:45 – housework and update these notes – feel miserable, and that life is pointless – anxiety 7/10; depression – 10/10 18:45 - 20:00 – freelance work – feel calmer, but miserable, and that life is pointless – anxiety 6/10; depression – 10/10 20:00 – dinner of chicken pie, kale and baby sweetcorn, followed by probiotic yoghurt 20:20 – take 0.72mg Seroxat 20:25 – 23:20 – freelance work, dreading going to bed to have wake-up symptoms – anxiety 6/10; depression 9/10 23:40 – take 150mg aspirin to try to reduce cortisol awakening response (4 July 2019) 01:00(?) Sleep Neck / collar bone skin issues: 8/10 – still now spreading in all directions, itchy and tingly. All evening: lower stomach cramps and flatulence, but not as bad as previous night.
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