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  1. Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!
  2. Hi Everyone I just wanted to introduce myself. I have been lurking this forum for long enough now. 🙂 Male, 28 My story starts in November 2018 when I went partying with a few friends and consumed different recreational drugs (MDMA, Cocaine, Speed and Alcohol). I wasn't new to these drugs but I made the huge mistake to not test any substance and not dosing correctly. However I didn't feel bad throughout that weekend and the hangover was as expected. After four days the panic attacks and the depression started and it just did not get any better over time. A month later I had enough and went to my GP who immediately put me on Effexor and Seroquel. Later on Seroquel has been exchanged first to Mirtazapine and then Trazodone (see signature). The drugs definitely helped with the panic attacks but Side Effect were just unbearable I felt 40 years older, manic, aggressive, suicidal, without any motivation and completely emotionally numb. There was just no way I would stay on this horrible stuff any longer so I went cold turkey after two months. The first two months were kind of ok but I still felt drugged. After that the emotional symptoms kicked in and it became a fight for survival day by day. I will not go into detail about it because you probably all know what I am talking about. Sixth month later I made some progress, the symptoms became a little bit less intense and I had some windows. Over the next four months I made some further minuscule improvements, windows became longer. I started to feel kind of stable in my recovery, it gave me some hope that I didn't lose my job and my girlfriend throughout all this time. Next month I will be drug free for a year but it is still a massive struggle every day. Right now I seem to be in a long wave (5 weeks so far) with a great change of symptoms. The anxiety and the panic attacks have become a lot worse recently and there are a lot of physical symptoms like dizziness, nausea, loss of appetite and generally feeling miserable. I have become less active, less motivated to exercise but on the other hand I am also feeling kind of ok with it. Also my sleep seems to have changed quite a bit, I didn't have very bad insomnia so far only very intense and draining dreams. They are mostly gone now but instead I am sleeping two to three hours less per night. I try to see these changes as my brain being at work 🙂 I can't differentiate if I am still in Withdrawal or if this is the after effect of the recreational drug incident (any ideas?). All I can hope for is that my brain will heal the same way as it does if I had taken psychiatric drugs only. Throughout my life I only had a few bouts of mild depression and anxiety (and three mild panic attacks), nothing I couldn't cope with. I also have never been on any psychiatric drug. I will try to document my recovery in this topic. Massive thanks to the people of this forum without you I would probably have gone back on psychiatric drugs a long time ago. You can't imagine how much hope I got reading through these pages! 🙂
  3. Hello! I was Rx'd mirtazapine postpartum for postpartum anxiety and insomnia, as well as ativan 0.5mg - 1 mg (i only took the ativan for about 2 weeks though). At one point before these meds, I was up for 72 hours straight - not a single minute of sleep. It was horrible, but the meds were a godsend. I've been on it a little over a year now (about 14 months). I was originally rx'd 7.5 mg and upped the dosage to 15 mg in Feb 2019. Since my reasons for being rx'd it are now gone (my son is well over a year old and my postpartum hormones have leveled off), I want to try my life without it. Before the birth of my son, I was never on any AD's or antianxiety meds. I saw a doc on monday and he said to just start by taking half a pill and do that for a few weeks or a month and then we would reassess how I feel and proceed the rest of my taper from there. Last night was the first night on the low dose and sleep was hard - I ended up taking 1 mg of ativan (which I have for the occasional anxiety inducing situation) and 50 mg of benadryl. I didn't get great sleep - maybe about 3-4 hours, but without those meds I would have gotten none. I'm reading some places not to take benadryl with mirtazapine - but I'm not sure I understand why. Can anyone explain why that's a poor decision? Is it ok to do every once in a while - as long as I don't do it every night? I can handle a night of absolutely no sleep if I know I can get some sleep the next night. I've tried melatonin but it doesn't seem to work for me - I was taking 3 mg, but maybe I need a *lower* dose of it? Valerian root gives me nightmares so I avoid it. After reading some on the board, I think I'm going to taper by 10% from 7.5mg -> 0mg. I've bought my solution and pill crusher - but I've already started this taper from 15mg -> 7.5mg so I think I'm just gonna see it through the next few weeks - even if it's really horrible. Anyways - other than the crappy sleep, I don't really have any other noticeable effects from the drop yet. I know they may take a few days to show up. Thanks!
  4. Hello everybody. I'm from Finland. My health problems started 2015 when I tried to change my diet to vegan even I had build my physics with gym and eating much of meat half of my life and I had big muscles. This suddenly diet changing caused problems. My nervous system didn't recover anymore and I start to lost muscles and power very fast. I stop gym but half year later I started it again but still trying to eat vegan diet and that led me to bad problems. I got sinus problems and cat allegy and I had two cats. All this led me problems caused by medicines. First some medicine caused panic attack when I was sleeping and then I got anxious and doctor gave me benzos. They caused problems and when I tried to get off them but I made some mistakes because I didn't understand how it should to do and doctors also didn't understand. I started to use mirtazapine (same than remeron) for sleeping when tapering benzos and it caused even bigger problem and when I tried to get off mirtazapine the situation went so bad that I started to SSRI named Escitalopram (same than Cipralex or Lexapro) because pressure by the doctor and my symptoms was also so bad. Doctors didn't believe withdrawal symptoms by mirtazapine. When I reducing the mirtazapine dose my digestive system also stop working properly and I think that also made me feel so horrible. It took time to find how I should eat. When I tried to reduce my Escitalopram dose I failed few times. Then I started to looking some ways to make systems of my body working better that reducing the medicine could working and one after another I found some things that worked for me. Finally the reducing the dose start to working. I also found a good method from one Facebook group. The problem was that escitalopram is not water soluble. I developed that method a little better. In this video I show how I made that: How I tapering Escitalopram I tapered the dose about one year from 15 milligrams to 5,73 milligrams. Then I started suspect that the medicine itself make the tapering harder. That is a little hard to explain. I decided to jump to zero from that dose and I knew it's huge jump. With all my systems that I had found my symptoms have stay tolerable. I mean food system and some supplements. I kind of manipulate my nervous system with them that the symptoms stay away or not completely away but they stay much easier. I took my last dose in 28 th september 2019. It was over 4 months ago. Now I feel this is gonna take very long time to heal. I can't sport much and I can't even use computers too much. I need even limit reading books or listening audio books because capacity of my brain is so low. So I need allways consider where to I want to use my limited capacity. If I have used too much computer and smart phone it can took few days to recover from that. Sometimes I also feel anxious and depressed. My nervous system is also extreme sensitive to many things like herbal spices, vitamins, many foods and so on. My food system is very very limited and exact. I have to eat certain foods exactly in certain ratio. If they are not in that same ratio I get symptoms. All those my systems protect me that my situation stay tolerable. I also need to take certain supplements at a certain time and just the certain dose or I get symptoms. Now I'm just waiting how long this is gonna take and when all this is going to get better or is the worst yet to come. I guess this is going to take at least year but probably longer to heal. So my problems started from very little but because my and doctors weak understanding the small problem grew very big problem. Every time I understood certaing things when it was already too late and the situation was got worst.
  5. Since my Intro thread seems to have disappeared, this is my new one... What led me to this world of AD's and Benzos was a panic disorder, more than 10 years ago. And the PD was triggered by anxiety and depression. I'm not sure even by these days if that anxiety brought depression, if depression brought anxiety, or both came at same time. But my better guess is that anxiety showed up first and triggered all the rest. Anyway, after many drugs taken such as Paroxetine, Venlafaxine (both caused me severe adverse reactions), Moclobemide, Mirtazapine, Alprazolam, Midazolam, Mexazolam, Diazepam, you name it, eventually I could stabilize with Escitalopram and Ethyl Loflazepate. Two years ago I started to take Mirtazapine to helps me sleep. I had some problems at work and my sleep was affected. Last November, due some problems (also in my job, but there was more...) I started to feeling more anxious and I can´t sleep...and the whole thing started again. I took Levomepromazine to helps me sleep and my former Psychiatrist told me to stop Mirtazapine. Didn´t work since I felt numb all day long. So I came back to Mirtazapine and started to take Clonazepam. When I knew this site I still tried to drop off Clonazepam, but it was very thoug. However, I already reduced Clonazepam from 2 mg to 1.6 mg as well Escitalopram from 10 mg to 9 mg and now I'm holding, as you can see on my signature. That being said, let me continue with my journal... I´ve been noticed one thing, first I didn´t pay attention but now I thought it could be interesting: in the morning I feel more depressed, with all regrets I have, all intrusive thoughts, stuff like that... Later in the day I start to feel better, despite becoming a little bit more anxious since about 5 p.m until I take Clonazepam at night (as discussed on my benzo thread). Let´s say, my best time in day is in the range 1 p.m - 5 p.m. and the mornings always are more complicated. When I just awake all seems to be hard... Is there any explanation for this?
  6. Hello here is a short summary of my symptoms and story: May 2019 Started fainting and feeling dizzy with neck pain July 2019 Collapse and spams in my neck weird twitching, started investigating. Two MRIs two short EEGS only minor finds. No epilepsy. Sept 2019 Sometime in the first week. 2 day EEG, this is where everything went wrong. Awoke a sleep myclonus strongly after first night with panic attacks. Didnt sleep for 3-4 days after. Collapsed. September 2019:Lorazempam given IV 4mg, for colapse and seizure like spams. Started panic attacks the same day later in the evening. Oxazempam started 15mg, 7,5 mg twice daily with quick taper quit after one week. Didnt return to normal sleep. A few days later. Quentiapine 50mg 2x daily for about 2 weeks. Then lessened once daily started breaking sleep again felt bad myclonus returned heavy. Quit after about 5 weeks. CT no nurse or doctor said to taper. A few days later still no sleep Mirtzapine was given 15mg once a day. Felt better slept again was ok for about two weeks. Third week started feeling sick, restless, sleep broke Myclonus returned.(day 26 of meds) 6 days of almost no sleep what so ever went to ER. Doctor wanted to increase dose to 30mg mirtzapine + 100mg quentiapine, I feel i was showing sertonin syndrome. I refused. I was saved by a psyc. nurse who told me to lower my dose to mirtzapine 7.5mg once a day. Felt better immediately next day. Continued 1 week slowly lost sleep again so quit CT. Felt great for about 9 days. Withdrawl hit. Sleep disappeared, tried to slowly get back to sleep with infrequent zyrtec 10mg tablet, tried once dose of 5mg then 2,5mg a few days after stressed about heartbeat. Sleep slowly returned. Felt sick on Dec 17th woke up all night abdomen hurt couldnt pee, Seeked doctor help, urinary blockage minor and infection in uterus. December 20th couldnt sleep still, Myclonus returned. Talked with Doctor in ER and psych nurse given one dose oxazempam 1/4 tablet (3,75mg) wanted to try clonazepam, suppliments started. 150mg magnesium, 10ug d3, 1 mg b12 once daily. Clonazepam 0,25mg started in evening, felt drowsy passed out not breathing well, husband startled me awake into breathing after he paniced. Was extremely restless and aggitated after so much so went to cold shower to calm down then fell asleep a little later. Took a break for two and half days still slept without meds, Then started lower dose 0,125mg once in morning ok Two and half days later lower dose 0,06mg once in evening ok Two days later same dose 0,06mg once in evening ok Myclonus returning lightly 4 day break, myclonus returns heavy. Reinstated 2.1 0,125mg Didnt feeling good was aggitated and restless. got some sleep but poor. 3.1 0.06mg was hoping to feel less aggitated I did but still some, slept very little. Myclonus returned at 5 am. 4.1
  7. Hi, I am new. Been on Citalopram since July 2007, and wish I had never started. I tried to taper down last summer and wound up in an outpatient program because of sudden, unexpected anxiety that led to insomnia that led to worse anxiety that led to worse insomnia and so on. Now I'm back on Citalopram aaaaaand Mirtazapine.....Yay. I have been emotionally numb ever since starting the Mirtazapine and am now prone to fits of white-hot rage that come out of nowhere, and I have fallen into an old pattern of self harming; I don't want to be on the Mirtazapine anymore, but am terrified of insomnia. I am effing terrified of insomnia. Thanks
  8. Where do I go from here? The first week of Nov. I tried to CT .5mg of k. I think I was off 4 days and then reinstated once the withdrawals hit me. I thought I would be able to stabilize so suffered for a month with intense anxiety and nausea with no relief. I thought for sure the V would save me so I crossed over to 10mg the first week of Dec. Unfortunately I was one of the rare, unlucky ones and couldn’t handle it. It caused horrific depression. After giving it 2 weeks I went back on .5mg k. Since then I’ve just been trying to make it day by day. Although the depression lifted a little bit I still cry everyday and the anxiety/nausea has slowly crept back in. I don’t know how or when I’ll be able to start my taper. I’m so scared. Prior to CT off benzo- I gave up my life in Arizona and moved home to live with my parents in Michigan this past Oct. I was on 6 psychiatric medications for depression. I CT the mirtazapine and Abilify I was on and felt amazing until I tried the same thing with the benzo. I also went down to 200mg from 300mg Zoloft and went down from 60mg Adderall to 10mg. I had to increase my dosage of Trazodone from 100 to 200mg. I’m 36 yo, divorced, no friends, no job. I don’t want to live with my parents forever. I don’t know how I am ever going to rebuild a life for myself.
  9. Hello all, New here. After some traumatic life events (including diagnosis with an autoimmune disease) was put on mirtazapine nov 2018 during a day clinic program. They said it was a strong depressive episode with symptoms of anxiety. It was never pushed on me though most other places it might have been. Here they felt I had clear reasons and grief. In any case, I started mirtazapine 7,5 mg and slept for the first time in months. Then 15 mg and finally 22,5 when 15 wasn’t cutting it. This was the right dose. Yes I gained a bit of weight and had vertigo at times but that went away. I was given this med because I also take baby aspirin to think the blood to due a clotting antibody that was found. They felt this was the least risky. Who knows? Last month found out we have to start the process to have kids faster than I wanted due to diminished ovarian reserve and my psychiatrist who I will now fire gave me no real directions about the med and pregnancy. Said better not to look back and wonder if any issues with the kid were your fault. So I decided to taper down to avoid adding another med to my list and I have been feeling better and working, disease more well controlled. I asked for taper tips. She said in theory you can stop tomo but maybe try over a few weeks. No more tips. So I reduced a quarter every 10 days. Was pretty ok with one day (second day after reducing) usually being tough. Irritability, fatigue, sadness, a bit of anxiety. Then it would level out mostly. I was traveling this week, and figured I would be in a good mood and tapered mid break but forgot and did a half instead of a quarter (15mg to 7,5 mg) and BOY what a catastrophe. I had all those symptoms but magnified x10 and went back up to 15 mg the next day and felt almost immediately ok again. However today I felt headachey, sad and a bit anxious again and am afraid after some things I read that I have somehow permanently busted my already shaky brain and nervous system. With fertility treatments coming in the next months, I’d like any hope or advice on how to manage the taper? Or to hear from anyone who used it during pregnancy at a lower dose. Thanks for having me and for doing this! What a relief that this group exists.
  10. Hi, I'm new to site. Just had last mitazapan tablet. Now I'm worried about what symptoms I can expect. My worst symptom at mo is stomach cramps/tightness or it feels as if I'm about to explode (it's as if someone is pumping me up which is causing difficulty in breathing. Any assistance would be appreciated. Thanks
  11. Just wanted to say hi. I am new here and hoping to post on the tapering forum for some advice coming off meds. I’m not sure when I can use that forum after joining, does anyone know? Thank you Ju
  12. Hello all, I`m new here. I`m also a member of benzobuddies.org forum. English is not my first language so I appologize for possible grammar mistakes in advance. The reason I joined your forum is that I`d like to come off Mirtazapine and Buspirone asap. I`ve been suffering from anxiety disorders since I was a teenager (I`m 37). I was diagnosed with GAD and SF. In the course of time a depression developed too, but nothing serious. In June 2013 I started to attend a psychotherapy due to social phobia which helped me much. My issues with psych drugs started after a renal colic followed by a surgery in April 2015. In May 2015 I first saw a psychiatrist in my life. I was looking for some relief. A huge mistake! She prescribed me Zoloft 50mg. At the very first night I got a horrible panic attack which I`d never had before. This repeated next night. I went to ER next morning and got prescribed Rivotril 0.5 mg twice a day. I had to stop taking Zoloft two weeks afterwards and got another antidepressant called Trittico (trazodone) which had no positive effect. I tried to come off Rivotril after two months, tapering 1/4 of the pill every week. I had terrible withrawal symptoms. I only survived a few weeks without Rivotril and then started to get panic attacks at night. So I began to take Rivotril again, this time only 0.5 mg divided into two daily doses which was sufficient for me. It was last September. I also went to another psychiatrist`s. We`ve tried severeal meds like escitalopram, moclobemidum, venlafaxinum, olanzapin, lamotriginum, mianserin so far to help me get rid of Rivotril. Only venlafaxinum (Olwexya) helped me with my depression, but it had side effects like restless legs and bad sleep with severe sweating so I had to stop taking it after six months (at the begining of April). I made three unsuccessful attempts to come off Rivotril while I was taking Olwexya. My depression returned, I started to feel drowsy and tired all day. I started my next taper attempt at the end of June. I took one 1/4 of the pill in the morning and 1/2 of the pill in the evening. One week later I took 1/4 of the pill both in the morning and evening. At night I had a nightmare, slept very bad. My withdrawal symptoms were: sleep disturbances, increased anxiety, social phobia, perceptual distortions, depression, poor memory and concentration, intrusive memories, weakness, fatigue, influenza-like symptoms, dizziness, nausea, diarrhoea, dry mouth, metallic taste, sweating, halucinations. My doctor said I couldn`t be phyzically addicted only on 0.5 mg. Very funny. At the end of July when I was on dose 0.2mg, I was hospitalized because I couldn`t go to work. They stopped giving me Rivotril almost immediatelly. I didn`t want to take any new pills. I just wanted some help to survive the withdrawal. I agreed with Buspirone because I considered it the least harmful. But later they tried to give me something to beat my insomnia - Atarax, Quetiapine, Valdoxan. Mitrazapine was the first one which alowed me to sleep. I didn`t feel any side efects besides horrible dizziness when I went to the toilet at night. Two weeks later they added Venlafaxine (California rocket fuel). I had many side effects including terrible panic attacks which I complained about. After all the meds my dizziness got worse. On September 9th I was released from the hospital. I agreed with my doctor to stop Venlafaxine 75mg within 10 days (I took it only for three weeks). Last Wednesday when I was still on 25mg withdrawal hit me. I had vivid dreams, influenza-like symptoms, mood swings and cry spells and terrible dizziness. It`s much better now except the dizziness. The dizziness is literaly ruining my life. I feel like I was constantly drunk. I can`t drive and I even refrain from walking. I suspect both Buspirone and Mirtazapine are the cause. I definetely can`t live with Mirtazapine because I sleep 12 hours day and still feell drowsy and tired all the time. I have no energy. They say my dizziness is somatized anxiety but I don`t believe it. Anyways, current medication has done nothing with it. I`d like to ask for your opinion which one I should start to taper first or whether I can taper them both at the same time? I`ve been taking them only for about two months. 10% taper a month seems very slow to me. I`ve never had big issues when coming of antidepressants. What do you think? Thank you.
  13. Sertraline 18 years. 6 on mirtazapine... Been tapering by 50 % over 3 years by dropping one night a week for 3 weeks and if now symptoms drop by another night... Was fine 45mg to 30mg.....did 30 mg to 15mg and didn't realise fatigue was withdrawal so went to 7.5 for 1 night and then 2 nights a week and felt awful. Went back up to 15mg but still experiencing aches, sweats and tearfulness. Now back up at 30mg and just balancing out. Nightmare! I have documented it
  14. Is it possible that I have permanent brain damage from an anti-depressant. I came of Zispin 12 years ago cold turkey and am still suffering withdraw symptoms that come and go. The symptoms are so severe at this moment that I think I'm losing my mind. I am keeping two words in mind 'Courage & Dignity". I'm going through this so long now that I don't talk about it any more to the people in my life. However, its getting harder to deal with because I'm getting older (60) and my physical health is poor. Two years ago I was told I had terminal cancer I was scared but also relived to know I was getting free of this withdrawal problem. The doctor then decided to operate, she told me I had less than a twenty percent chance of surviving. Well, I got free of cancer, I had my lung removed (and my quality of life) and everybody said I was a miracle. I don't feel like a miracle, I feel like a pathetic mess. Can anyone give me a little hope please.
  15. First of all thank you for the support you give on this site. I am from Spain, using Google translator. I started with psychiatric medications at age 16 from panic attacks, I'm currently 37. I've been trying to quit the medications for two years. Before starting the last withdrawal I was taking: EFFEXOR XR 150 mg1-0-0; TRANKIMAZIN RETARD 1mg 1-0-1; MIRTAZAPINE 15 mg 0-0-1. In January 2019 I started withdrawing TRANKIMAZIN 0.5 mg every 15 days; at the end of the cone I did not recover from withdrawal symptoms but despite that when the withdrawal of TRANKIMAZIN ends I began with the withdrawal of EFFEXOR. I removed 0.75 mg of EFFEXOR for two months. At this point I was very tired, I had muscular stiffness in my neck and many pains and had gained a lot of weight, I decided to remove MIRTAZAPINE first to see if the symptoms described above were solved. From there I eliminate MIRTAZAPINE in just one week, five months ago. There begins the greatest abstinence hell I've ever lived; panic attacks every thirty minutes, vomiting, diarrhea, sensitivity to light and sound, itching and skin sensitivity, burning eyes, lack of appetite, muscle aches throughout the body, extreme fatigue, anhedonia, depersonalization, dizziness ... As the symptoms were intolerable, reading in this forum that a benzodiazepine can help I start with DIAZEPAM. 2.5 mg - 0 - 2.5. The benzo works and the symptoms become more tolerable. the panic attacks almost disappear and I start eating a little. From this moment I try to hold on to see if the symptoms disappear. Today, sensitivity to light and sound, skin sensitivities have improved, I have no insomnia, no vomiting or diarrhea. However, I have had to abandon all my daily activities because any effort makes me feel very sick (flu symptoms). prolonged anhedonia and depersonalization have led me to a deep depression. My life is to be asleep as long as possible because the reality is too distressing, I have no appetite, I live with demotivation and hopelessness and ideas of death. I do not know if all these symptoms are an accumulation of the different withdrawals or are due exclusively to MIRTAZAPINE. I am afraid of restoring medication because my quality of life with her was very poor, the EFFEXOR caused my personality changes and psychic changes that wreaked havoc on my life. I would like to know what you think and what you would do in these difficult times. It is very difficult in Spain to find medical support that belives my story. Thanks for your support.
  16. I have been taking Mertazapine for 12 mths for anxiety and insomnia (got good results with sleep and was less anxious) and now things have levelled out some what in my life would like to stop taking it. I am only just starting to reduce and after doing some reading I will be doing it slowly and see how my body reacts. Three days ago I reduced from 15mg to 7.5 (half tablet), have been feeling fine, sleep is OK but have read symptoms will set in after about 1 week. Will see how it progresses.
  17. Hi all, in a bit of a dilema here. I was prescribed Mirtazapine in October 2017 for a severe bout of anxiety and depression. Within about 1 month I saw great progress. After 4 months i decided to taper. Im 28 and dont want to be on ADs longterm. My taper: 15mg for 4 months 7.5mg for 40 days 3.7mg for 10 days 2mg for 7 days (Smaller doses were innacurate) Initially upon stopping i had bad stomach pains, this went after 4 days and I spent the next 3 weeks feeling great. Then boom! Something triggered me and I was sent straight back to feeling super anxious. Since then ive been having 2/3 week waves of sevre anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite. Ill slowly recover, feel good for a few weeks then relapse again. Now its been 3 months off mirtazapine and im worried that I have caused permanent damage from the drug for tapering too fast. Would I benefit from reinstating this late on? I dont know how many more of these waves I can handle. Each time they rock me to the core and I consider hospitilisation. Im not suicidal like I was when I had my first anxiety episode but need some answers. Im back doing CBT again with my therapist and starting exposure therapy to my triggers. Any advice welcome!
  18. I was prescribed 15mg Mirtazapine in May 2019 for sleep and anxiety following a diagnosis of PVFS (now ME/CFS) in Jan 19. Developed tinnitus 4 weeks later and advised to come off by MD. Both the MD and pharmacist advised that what I now know as a FT would be ok as I was only taking the drug for almost 3 months. In fact, my MD said that Mirtazapine would be ok to just stop. Dropped from 15mg to 0 in about 4 weeks and unsurprisingly got the whole raft of symptoms. The worst was my inability to sleep and brain tremors that would come on as I was just falling asleep and if I did fall asleep would wake me at every sleep cycle. I went for some nights with no sleep and became suicidal. Reinstated after 16 days, under the advice of my MD at 3.75mg for 2 days, with little improvement, then up to 7.5mg, where I have been for two months. I have been a heavy meditator since the start of June as part of an ME/CFS recovery program, called ANS Rewire (highly recommended), which includes brain training. I am taking a supplement regime as part of this protocol, I also take melatonin (2mg). Two months on from reinstatement pretty much all withdrawal symptoms have disappeared apart from minor tingling and skin crawling sensations (this could be withdrawal, the drug side affects, or my illness) and the sleep disturbance, and I am seeking advice on whether to up the dose to 11.75mg as suggested by MD. It has improved a great deal and I am getting a number of hours a night. Initially the brain tremor would be very intense, making my whole body tingle/tremor and my tinnitus gets very loud, stopping me from falling asleep and waking me on each sleep cycle (perhaps on REM part as I can always remember dreams and never could prior). After a bit, it became much milder and less frequent, still stopping me falling asleep and waking me, but feeling more like an odd sensation. More recently it appears to have worsened and when I wake my heart is pounding. I think I wake on each sleep cycle and after about 4.30 am, its constant as a fall asleep and will happen multiple times until waking. Oddly, I have noticed that on days where my meditation feels particularly deep, the night is much worse and this worries me, because it makes me feel as though there is something wrong with my brain. I also wonder whether having ME/CFS (a dysfunction of the ANS), means that things are harder. Anyway, I am thinking of upping the dose to 11.75mg and am seeking advice. Also, I wondered if anyone else has experienced that meditation makes symptoms worse? I do go very deep and believe that I have high brain neuroplasticity.
  19. Cloudskishawna

    Cloudskishawna: 5 weeks on Remeron / mirtazapine

    For maybe the past 5 days I've only been getting 5 hours and its starting to really get to me on those 5 days 2 of those days I had they were good but now things are starting to get dark now I'm so tired and exhausted I've been taking cbd oil 600 mg and today I smoked a hemp plant on those days I think it was on Friday where I had took unisom 50 mg and I was out for a very long time invest sleep I had in a while I have a appointment with a cranial therpist at 3 and I also took some iodine because I heard it cam help with the tinnitus please any advice I just want my sleep back
  20. Hi All, I looked through the forums and didn't see alot of info on the this topic or even online there is not alot of general info regarding antidepressants and effects on kidney. In particular I have been on 7.5 mg of mirtzapine for 18 years. Unfortunately in the last couple years my kidney GFR has dropped to about 60 ml/min/1.73m2, indicating stage 3 CKD...very scary :( I am extremely upset about this as my gfr was holding at around 85 ml/min upto a year ago so I thought things were ok. the Drs are not sure as to the cause as i do not have diabetes or high blood pressure, nor has kidney scans revealed any structural issues. My feeling is the mirtzapine over the long period caused this decline but if I look online there are no reports really of antidepressants causing kidney damage. I would have figured by now there would be at least a fair amount of cases reported or studies looking at this but aside from the occasional comment stating antidepressants may affect kidneys there is nothing really substantial. Has anyone here had kidney damage due to antidepressant use (mirtzapine in particular) , or know of any evidence of this? Really appreciate any info/links...
  21. cathnz

    cathnz: Tapering off Mirtazapine

    Hi there, I'm getting ready for a future reduction in Mirtazapine. It won't be any time soon (I need to get stable first) but am just wondering how I will go about this. I live in NZ and Mirtazapine only comes in the form of tablets (i.e not liquid or capsules with beads). I have 2 options... getting a compounding pharmacy to make up capsules (very expensive), or getting some gemini scales and shaving the tablets. All the info I can find on here is about taking beads out of capsules (which isn't possible with a compacted tablet). Is the shaving off and weighing on a gemini scale an option? And the pink coating that is on the tablet... is this part of the active ingredient too?
  22. Hi there, I was started on Remeron in July 2015 for sleeping difficulties due to worsening depression due to an abusive relationship. I attempted to cold turkey the Remeron in Nov 2015 and was up for 7 days. I was also experienced flu-like symptoms, severe anxiety and intense fear. I had to restart the Remeron per my MD suggestion. I was doing ok for a couple months but still battling with depression. By Feb 2016 I had sought out an intensive outpatient program for treatment. I was told it was ok to tape my Remeron AND Lexapro (I have been on an SSRI for 20 yrs, Prozac first, then Lexapro). I was tapered off Lexapro in 3 weeks and the hell began shortly there after. I began to experience the worst nausea of my life, insomnia, balance and co-ordination changes, visual distortion and blurriness, weakness in my arms and legs, burning in my arms and legs, headaches, persistent tinnitus. I was told to restart the Lexapro and to resume Remeron at 15 mg (I was down to 3.75 mg, too). I ended up in the ER 5 times with mild serotonin syndrome. Once discontinuation started my body was unable to tolerate the original doses of medication. After 3 months of literal torture, the inability to drive or work, testing by neurology, emergent ophthalmology, rheumatology, endocrinology and I am still suffering. My testing has come back normal. I had 2 brain MRI's, EEG, visual testing which most recently included a VEP for which I will see a neuropthalmologist at the end of the month. I am devastated. I was NEVER informed about Discontinuation Syndrome. The first time I presented to the ER they thought I was having a stoke. I would have never done such a rapid taper had I known that I could hurt myself in the process. I went from being a high functioning professional who worked out 5x/week to nearly bed-ridden. This has been the most devastating thing that could have ever happened. I was healthy before this. I had NEVER been in an ER. Has anyone else suffered this type of scenario? I feel so alone and broken by this entire process. The visual issues are the most upsetting to me. My vision is blurred and just not quite right I never had any issues with my vision until I attempted to wean off medication. Does anyone else have a similar story? Could you offer some hope. My eyes and vision are very important to me as I am sure they are important to everyone. I have this terrible feeling when I go out to a store or drive due to my vision. It's as if my perception of visual input is "delayed" by my brain. As if I it's not processing the information as quickly as it did before discontinuation set in. Anyone's story would be helpful. Thank you for listening. Peace and love.
  23. Hi all, first post on here... trying to balance providing enough detail without writing an essay. I asked for mirtazapine in July to help with sleep (I've been dealing with lots of prolonged, chronic stress in my life and it looks like I’ll soon be relocating for a new job after 2 years of unemployment). I took 15mg for a few weeks, but it was too much chemically (I already take 50mg quetiapine at night), so I dropped to 7.5mg Mirt, however, it's been affecting my memory (both meds target histamine receptors at low doses). I dropped to a 1/4 tablet a week last Monday and felt more energy, more emotionally in touch, improved sexual function but also very adrenalized. To complicate things further, I have strong anxiety around concussions/head trauma after experiencing post-concussion syndrome in 2015 and last Saturday, my headphones were playing up - I thoughtlessly gave them a quick slap while they were on my head. My anxiety exploded as I am very nervous about bumping/banging my head. I've felt worse this week - the main symptoms I've had have been irritability, anger and adrenaline rushes - these have much reduced. Wednesday was hell as I had dental work. I have fear of dentists anyway, but my cortisol was through the roof that afternoon. I remember hating humanity when my mouth was full of needles/dentist's drills - I've never experienced such as strong reaction in that situation before. Neuro-emotions? I'm now mainly mentally tired, feeling a bit depersonalised/detached with intermittent mild headache. Part of me is saying I'm experiencing brain-injury after effects of slapping my headphones, while the rational part is aware I started feeling very anxious/adrenalized before last weekend. I'm fairly sure this is all due to the 50% jump down from 7.5mg to 3.75, however, today I found myself stuttering when talking to a stranger, which did my brain injury fears no favour. Given that I've got a big move and new job coming up in 5-6 weeks - I don't have the luxury of time to ride out these symptoms and certainly don't want to attempt that feeling like I am now. The logical thing to do would be to re-instate 7.5mg and maybe try again in a few months at a much slower taper... It's just that 7.5mg Mirt + 50mg Quetiapine was turning me into a chemically-induced idiot with the memory of an 80 year-old, which is not a good look when starting a job that requires brain power. Any advice on what I've experienced and the best next steps?
  24. Hello I started 7.5 Mirtazapine to stimulate my appetite in late October 2016. It also helped me with Ativan withdrawals and my insomnia. I had my gallbladder out in November and appetite returned but decided to keep taking the Mirtazapine because it helped me sleep. I decided in March that it was making me too tired during the day and I didn't want it anymore. About 2-3 weeks after quitting in mid April insomnia got real bad and nothing that I took would help me sleep. Then the withdrawals got real bad, horrible waves of cortisol surges; I've never felt anything like this before. I couldn't handle it so I started back on the pills at 3.75 mg. Finally stabilized but still had insomnia. Took same dose every night for about 5 weeks but still couldn't sleep. Started 7.5 mg on Monday May 15 slept good one night then few hours so went to doctor and he put me on 15 mg Thursday night and slept good one night. Last night didn't sleep at all and don't know what to do. I'm wondering if the anxiety from worrying about getting to sleep is keeping me awake since I haven't really slept well in weeks. I've had so many nights with just a few hours sleep so bedtime is not a relaxing time for me. Or maybe the pills aren't working for me anymore. I would like to stay on these for at least a year before going off of them so I can heal myself because I realize how sensitive my system is, that is if I can start sleeping again. I would just wonder if anyone thinks I have a chance at sleeping again soon. I can't do this much longer as ive already missed too much work.
  25. Cloudskishawna

    Cloudskishawna: 5 weeks on Remeron / mirtazapine

    1 month 1 week on mirtazapine So I just came to a conclusion that on Sept 10 is where I had been this medication for a month and now I'm really scared because I thought I was only on it for 2 weeks because I wasn't keeping track that was my mistake so now I'm wondering is if will I be able to heal from this and now I'm down to a quarter of this pill should I just restart
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