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  1. Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Oliver1974: Benzo withdrawal and backache Are there any support groups specifically dedicated to Zoloft titration and withdrawals.
  2. Hello all! I've been having a troubling time and at last I've found a place where people can listen. For around two months I had been very stressed by university decisions and having a major existential and academic crisis. After taking my exams my mind was working at 1000000 miles per hour and I was constantly stressed and evaluating everything. I'd found my self slowed down and constantly riddled by worry and regret and anxiety. I began taking '5-htp' which I was told would help somewhat. I then discontinued it and went on holiday and when I came back I felt slightly better. However my psychiatrist recommended going on Sertraline and prescribed it for me. I didn't really want to take it as I was feeling better but my family pressured me into it so I took it. That night, I was lying in bed and my brain was racing with worries and regrets and stressing and suddenly I felt something attack those thoughts, resist against them and dull them down. Initially, this frightened me inordinately but then I thought 'this is what this drug is meant to do' and just sort of let it happen. I then felt it attack against my verbal fluency and vocabulary and writing and evaluative skills. This seriously scared me and I felt my whole body fill with immense tension and stress and anxiety and felt as though I had gone into overdrive. My brain went into overdrive and I felt as though I'd never sleep again. I took it the next day and insisted that I stop it and didn't want it in my brain anymore so I went to the doctor and she told me the psychiatrist should never have prescribed it for me in the first place. She told me to stop it. I stopped taking it after only two days. The symptoms persisted and the world felt weird, dull and my perception of it awry. I suddenly developed this intense headache unlike anything ever experienced before - it was as though my whole brain was disintegrating. Like someone'd opened up a door in the sides of my head and it was all disintegrating away. This went away. I then started the 5-htp again, foolishly, unaware that it interacts with sertraline. I then stopped the 5htp after a couple of weeks of feeling strange, slowed down and sick. I hadn't slept at all since the sertraline. I then went away to Cambridge for a week to study English Literature and felt weird, slowed and dulled. Talking to people was hard and I found it difficult to form sentences, opinions and have conversations. Anyway, sitting in the lectures the pain in my head came on 10 fold. IT waslike my whole mind was disintegrating and I couldn't focus or concentrate or anything. I was petrified this and scared that at anymoment I may have a stroke or faint or something serious. I came back from Cambridge and told my parents and they simply thought I was psychotic, anxious and depressed. I insisted something was physically wrong with me and pushed to try and see a doctor. We went to the doctors who told me what I was experiencing wasn't real aand the drugs had no effect on me. They then prescribed my Valium because they said it was anxiety . I didn't want to take it but my parents forced me to. The Valium spaced me out and blunted my thoughts significantly. I then started to feel my brain shake and pump and wobble and light would effect me and I found myself talking strangely and so forth. It felt like my whole brain was sick and trying to be sick, like there's some horrible nocuous chemical eroding my brain and intelligence. I was walking around school confused and now it's like my brain has just shut down. I've discontinued the valium now but everything is wrong. I am completely Depersonalisation, I can't really remember my life and short term memory or process any new information or understand anything. My speech is terrible and I can't talk to people because when I do I frost over and it's like there's no-one inside me. it's like the lights have been turned off inside my own head and every day it is worse. No doctors think there is anything wrong and they just want to put me on Prozac and anti-psych meds now to shut me up. I don't know what to do anymore. My whole life is falling apart. I've gone from being someone who was intimidatingly intellectual, confident, creative, gregarious, sociable, quick witted, eloquent and so on to a bumbling, seemingly half brain dead zombie with no emotions, thoughts, feelings, opinions, memories or anything. Bear in mind I am only 17. What do I do? Every day it gets worse. The headaches are worse, the DP is worse, my cognition is worse, emotion lability is worse and the doctors are having none of it other than wanting to prescribe MORE ADs and APs. It feels like my whole brain is fizzling and wrong. Thanks! Any advice or similar experiences would be welcomed inordinately
  3. Extreme anxiety and pure O began in early 2017. Placed on 50 mg Zoloft then. Started with 25 mg for 2 weeks and then upped to 50. Do not remember now how long it took to feel better, but I have had a completely happy 2.5 years, aside from a 25 lb weight gain. Somewhat decrease in libido, but not enough to cause concern. Felt so much better, thought I could try to live life independent of med. Decided to taper slowly. Two weeks of 25 mgs...no symptoms. 2 weeks of every other day 25 mgs...no symptoms. 2 weeks of every third day 25 mgs...no symptoms. As of Nov. 28, no Zoloft at all. Felt fine, no zaps, headaches, sleep issues, etc. decided to try adipex (or phentermine) to lose some weight. 5 days into adipex 37.5 mg extreme ocd and ruminations were back. Stopped adipex for 5 days. Still pretty anxious. Was hoping that ocd would go away after ending adipex. didnt. Broke down today and refilled my Zoloft prescription. Took 50 mg. Any advice on reinstating ? Should I take 25 mg instead since my body has been used to much less ? Also, if anyone has been in my situation before, how long did it take for reinstatement to help you feel better? I’m feeling very hopeless. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not start the taper. Why mess up a good thing? Sigh. Has anyone struggled with anxiety, ruminating thoughts after reinstating? I’ve also purchased some omega 3, b complex, and magnesium supplements to help get me over this hump. Thanks for the help in advance, just looking for a sliver of hope that my reinstatement will work ! Would be willing to try tapering again , just not anytime soon.
  4. Hello all. I'm 2 months off benzos after 7 years daily use (prescription) and after a hell of a 2.5 year taper. I've been on sertraline since 2006 starting at 100mg, however, during the benzo taper I got myself down to 37.5mg. The lamotrigine was added at the end of the benzo taper to help me finally jump off, to prevent seizures, ease my mind, whatever, etc. I was at 75mg at the beginning of the year and started tapering this month and am now down to 50mg. I could go into more detail about everything, but basically I'm extremely sensitive to these medicines and I need some advice and support on the best way to get off of the sertraline and lamotrigine, when to start, what method to use, etc. I'm very familiar with all the different kinds of tapering from just having got off benzos and trying nearly every method in an attempt to find anything that would work out better. Please let me know your thoughts on tapering these final 2 medicines and which to go for first. Thanks guys!
  5. Hello I recently withdrew from two psychiatric medications, Zoloft (Sertraline)and Zyprexa (Olanzapine) after a 15 year forced dependency which started when I was court-ordered to take them in 1998 for depression. In Feb. 2014, I finally quit the pills for the 4th and final time. The withdrawal symptoms were quite severe, probably similar to those of heroin, only instead of the people who care for you trying to help you get off the drugs, in the case of psych meds., everyone is dead set on you continuing to stay on them. I went about 6 straight days without sleep while trying to get off the pills, constantly throwing up all over my apartment (my parents had to bring over a steam cleaner to clean up all the huge piles of vomit, while at the same time admonishing me to go back on the meds.) I developed extreme lightheadedness. When I would turn my head to look at something it would take a moment or two for my field of vision to catch up. I suffered from those brain shocks which I thought might be some suppressed memories of the many rounds of ECT that were administered to me, against my will, back in the mid 1990's. I nearly died on a couple of occasions during the withdrawal as my blood sugar levels plunged so low that I was forced to crawl to my kitchen and shove wadded-up pieces of white bread soaked in either oyster sauce, fish sauce or salad dressing (for proteins and sugars) into my mouth to avoid collapsing on the floor, but somehow I did it, I got clean. I had kicked the pills cold turkey three times previously (twice in 2004 and again for 10 months in 2005-6) only to be put back on them. The last time in 2005-6, I had been given the choice of either taking the pills and being given a bed in a local group home on a 0° F January evening or else to go rough it in a snowbank (I had been evicted from my apt. after falling a month behind in rent). The pills (Zoloft originally at 200mg that on my own advice I scaled back to 100mg at the time of my withdrawal. Zyprexa originally at 17.5mg that I had reduced to 10mg) basically ruined my health. Within a couple of years of starting on the meds in 1998, I had gone from a lithe and slender 6' tall 160 lbs man to a portly 230 pounder,, with all the weight gain going into my belly and thighs (Blech!). My cholesterol and triglyceride levels tripled. I had copious amounts of diarrhea daily. My blood pressure was absolutely wrecked. When kneeling down or squatting on my haunches, at say a grocery store or maybe a bookstore, to look at something on a low shelf, upon rising I would start to nearly black-out or swoon due to massive head rushes and would have to hold on to shelving for about a minute or so until I regained my vision and sense of balance. And from about 2006 on, I became no more than some sluggish, gorging hibernating animal that slept between 12 and 16 hours a day, sometimes as much as 20 hrs a day (watching T.V. was my only other occupation) where I would hardly more than move from my bed to the couch only to fall asleep 3 hours later for upwards of 4-6 hours, sometimes for as much as 10 hours. I was sleeping so much that when I woke, I often had no idea if it was early morning or late evening. I would have the most awful and depressing nightmares of being strapped into a dentist's chair while doctors would be cramming every conceivable pill down my throat in an attempt to kill me. The sedative-like effects of the drugs, combined with a horrible and untreated case of sleep apnea due to smoking and a severely broken nose as a teenager, left me completely fatigued all the time. I usually only left my apartment once a week to stock up on groceries. Since the harrowing experience of withdrawal, my health and spiritual well-being have greatly improved. I began a 4-6 mile a night brisk walking regiment and starting biking between 10-20 miles a day which resulted in me losing 45 lbs in 3 months. While before on the pills, I could hardly stay awake, now I can barely get to sleep. My insomnia is sometimes so bad (3-4 hrs of sleep a day, often none) that I resemble a real live? zombie (I call my condition, Inzombia) but considering how low my spirits had been on the pills, I'm just happy to live an active life again, even if I do suffer bouts of sleeplessness. I've spent several hundred hours since early last year either volunteering picking up trash from local parks and lakes or else helping out at a local thrift store and my creative spirit has flourished. I have filled something like 15 fifty page notebooks full of my poetry (both of a serious and humorous nature) and have written many short pieces of memoir, one of which is entitled In Servitude to the Devil, and is about my nearly indescribable and entirely hellish experience in 1995-1996, when for six months, I suffered from brain damage and akathisia brought on by the forced administration of Resperdine, Prozac and Paxcil. I thought I might end this piece with two short poems of mine The Psychiatrist His pills amount to fool's gold; his lab-coat: starched and anti-sceptically white He professes to be a doctor, but he's a neuro-nazi in my sight. A Reflection On Our Times So much lust and vanity under the sun Surely God is our pariah as we have our fun.
  6. Hi there I’m a new member. I figured it might be good to give some back ground of my journey and maybe get some tips while I’m at it. So I have been on antidepressants for about half my life. So between 15 and 20 years. I’m not quite sure when I started but it was when I much younger. I started with Prozac 20mg and have switched between Zoloft and Prozac a few times. Prozac always seemed to work best for me. This last switch to Zoloft was due to having kids and its said that its safer for them while pregnant and breastfeeding. I have had a couple of times where I would get off the medication but always seem to get back on it. Looking back I was probably have withdrawals rather then reoccurrence. The last few years I felt healthy enough to try to get off. I started tapering in October 2018 from Zoloft 50 mg. I initially was going down about 5 mg a month. I was doing really well. My main side effects where some headaches, tiredness, less of appetite. Nothing too serious to be honest. Then the last two months or so have been really bad. I had some stressors at work that have made it extremely difficult to feel normal. This last month I went down about 3 mgs. So from 8 to 5 mgs. This has been the roughest month yet. Extreme anxiety, insomnia, waking up from sleeping with panic, crying spells for almost no reason (even if someone asks me how I’m doing coming off the medication I will cry), some days no appetite at all, irritability, depression (although I live in Michigan so this is some what normal just not as bad normally). I realized in this low of a dose that I should have went smaller but I feel its bit late now. I started this taper on November 15th. I just really want to get off these darn pills but now I’m paying for it. The worst part for me is that I’m afraid to go to sleep in fear of waking up to panic. I have some Xanax but I know that’s only masking it and not fixing it. In fact its probably getting worse due to it being addictive. I’ve taken 5 times in the last month but would like to make it maybe 1 or none at all. Current things I’ve done to help with these problems – starting seeing a new therapist that works more holistically. I have been using lavender essential oils in my room while sleeping. Supplements that I take: · Magnesium with vitamin b co factors (Jigsaw health is the brand) · CBD oil · Trying to stop drinking pop or reducing it. I wasn’t an every day drinker but I know it can mess up your system. · I tried 5htp 200 mg but gave me lose stools so I do have a lower dose (50mg) now but scared to take it since I don’t I don’t want it to make me feel bad (ugh anxiety). · I take a multi vitamin from Garden of Life that has probiotics · I take separate probiotics · I take an amino acid supplement · L-Theanine · Vitamin D I’m at a loss right now.
  7. Reading back over my neuro problems document I wrote earlier when everything started; it seems like pretty much everything can be traced back to established problems associated with tapering and withdrawal of SSRI’s. I began tapering down from 100 mg earlier this year (2015), in the spring. I went from 100 to 75 to 50 to 25, at which point I ceased taking the Zoloft. I went very slowly with the taper, with the knowledge that a fast taper could lead to withdrawal problems. I went perhaps a month between each reduction. I completely finished at the very beginning of July, I want to say July 2nd. For the month of July, I didn’t notice any problems. In the beginning of August however I started feeling an intensifying of the symptoms I already had written down in the neuro problems doc, including a depressed mood. I also had my first migraine of my life on August 8th. I had the visual aura preceding the migraine. I went to the E.R. where I got a CT scan, and was told that everything checked out fine. When my mood didn’t seem to be getting any better, I attempted to reinstate the Zoloft at 25 mg for three days on August 12-15th. I seemed to get a serotonin syndrome response from this, so I stopped taking it in the hopes that perhaps the withdrawal symptoms would clear on their own. From August 15th to October 2nd I was traveling in Europe. I was supposed to stay longer, but by October 2nd the withdrawal symptoms were getting worse and I knew I needed to go home. On October 3rd I attempted another reinstatement of the Zoloft, this time at 12.5 mg for two days and had the same problems I had earlier in August with the reinstatement. I stopped taking it again and the serotonin syndrome seemed to clear up, but by this point the withdrawal symptoms had started full force. For the entire month of October and now the beginning of November, I’ve had horrible cognitive symptoms that have kept me from being able to function normally. I have a hard time planning future events, including structuring a day plan. I have a hard time reading, writing, and speaking to people (I just can’t think of things to say, to continue conversations). Even listening to music or watching t.v. is overwhelming. Overwhelming is the best word I can think of to describe any kind of stimulus to me right now. My cognitive and physical functioning is just overwhelmed with everything, and I get tired very easily. Despite being tired, it’s hard for me to shut off. I’ve spent a few nights just laying in bed for hours without being able to sleep. One thing I’ve noticed this last month is that my heart just pounds all day long. I have ringing in my ears as well, which irritates me when I’m trying to fall asleep. I get dizzy easily when I stand up too fast, which makes me feel nauseous. For the first month of this, (October) I had intense thirst all the time. The intense thirst seems to have dissipated this last week. Now however I am getting nauseous where I wasn’t before. Also food seems to have lost all appeal to me. Nothing sounds good to me to eat, and nothing tastes good. It’s hard to describe, but my taste just seems to have numbed. Other things I’ve noticed: Face hot and flushing all the time Feeling of fast heart rate Can’t concentrate or think very well Severe memory problems Sore back of the neck Headaches all the time Feeling of electricity running along my spine & arms, especially in response to music. Mentally exhausted easily when trying to read, follow conversation, watch t.v. Incredibly hard to look in people’s eyes when having a conversation, almost physically incapable sometimes, I feel like I need to close my eyes and look away. It’s physically difficult to make myself smile, or make any facial expression. Reduced affect display. Unable to remember words, sometimes unable to recognize written words Aphasia Zero interest in anything at all Living in a fog, daze, feeling drunk all the time Feeling of being frozen; i.e. not being able to plan next thing to do Utter and complete lack of confidence in ability to do anything Intense thirst has disappeared One of the best things that has happened in this last week is that my feeling of restlessness seems to have dissipated for the most part. For the better part of October 2015 I had what can only be described as intense mental restlessness. I was not content anywhere in any context, and felt that the only way to feel better was to keep moving (going from location to location, upstairs, downstairs, outside) and everywhere I felt this intense unease. I looked this up and apparently it’s called akathisia. Horrible upper back pain that radiates into my shoulder blades, chest, throat. Usually lasts for around 20 minutes to an hour of excruciating pain. Feels almost as if my throat is clenching or tightening. Constant buzzing in my ears, especially my left ear. Especially writing this and stressing myself out thinking about what a hell my life has become. Ear popping as well, they always feel like they are full, and I need to pop them, as if I’ve been in an airplane. Inability to plan even the simplest tasks in my day, where I used to make lists and successfully plan a full productive day. Now it takes weeks and months to accomplish tasks simply because I can’t plan a way to make myself do it. Every task seems insurmountable and scary. When I started stressing out, it feels like I shut down. So: January 2015: 100 mg February: 100 mg March: 75 mg April: 50 mg May: 25 mg June: 25 mg July: 0 mg, totally fine August: Just beginning of the withdrawal September: Feeling worse and worse, more of the physical side effects of withdrawal October: Mental side effects of withdrawal officially and horribly begun Akathisia Intense thirst Insomnia Ringing in ears November: Withdrawal as before December: Withdrawal symptoms diminishing January - October 2016: Increasing cognitive difficulties, apathy, October: Beginning of difficulty with facial expressions, maintaining eye contact with person I’m talking with, aphasia (difficulty understanding speech, creating speech, continuing a conversation, feels as if my brain just stops mid conversation, the only thing that feels easier is writing, although I can tell that my word choice is becoming limited and especially use of prepositions is becoming difficult, choosing the wrong word). One thing that bothers me the most is dyschronometria. I have a severely limited ability to perceive time passing, that’s become increasingly impaired. I am fairly certain that from the limited research I’ve been able to do, that I might be experiencing Psychiatric drug-induced Chronic Brain Impairment (CBI) http://www.behaviorismandmentalhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Breggin2011_ChronicBrainImpairment-Ref-for-ECT-post-140.pdf Going forward; options: Continue without SSRI’s While exercising, eating healthy, taking supplements Or start taking either fluoxetine or citalopram After which point I can attempt another taper after stabilizing December 2015: I don’t have any obligations that I need to do before January, so at this point the best option seems to be sticking it out without SSRI’s. I feel that I’ve made progress (at least emotionally, cognitively I don’t feel the same progress), and that this progress will continue. Reasons why: I only took Sertraline for 2 years, albeit at 100 mg. This is still not the highest dose given. I did a relatively slow taper (although from continuing research I’ve noticed that many people attempt even slower tapers) I am young, 24. And with younger patients, Dr. Healy has noted that recovery is more likely (within 1 to 4 years). I am already seeing progress (thirst has disappeared, intense akathisia (mental as opposed to physical) has dissipated, depressed mood has for the most part disappeared (time between episodes of intense despair longer and longer), as for intense anxiety (heart rate seems to be more regular, morning anxiety not as bad). I am cautiously optimistic at this point. Now, October 2016: Before this all started, I was quite competent. I can get references from friends / family, I was doing well in school (finishing a Psychology degree until this started, was even able to get A’s in two classes in Spring of this year while I was going through withdrawal). I was very socially aware as well, never had any problem with social cues, creating meaningful relationships. Now perhaps due in part to a lack of confidence, I’m having a very difficult time maintaining meaningful relationships. I'm sorry for the disjointed introduction, I'm having a harder and harder time writing a coherent message, and I just wanted to start involving myself in the discussions here. I thought might as well share this document that I've begun to trace the development of this horror this last year.
  8. I've been on antipsychotics for nearly 20 years after I had a psychotic breakdown whilst I was taking an antedepressant and experiencing several major life stressors. I've tried to withdraw numerous times but have always become psychotic very quickly. My memory has been affected, I now have diabetes and my weight soared as I put on 10 stone. I'm here because several people recommended this site. I currently take 300mg amisulpride plus medication for diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
  9. I joined 3 years ago when tapering from Effexor. After 18 days of being off , I couldn’t take it any longer and started Zoloft which I remained on until early September 2019. Have been tapering per medical provider schedule of 1 month. Again unsuccessful. I would like information on tapering from Zoloft and Pristiq, please. MVGS
  10. Hi everyone. I've been browsing this site for a couple of years and thought I'd finally join. I'd love to be able to talk with others about what I'm going through. I'm only 22 but I've pretty much been through every hell imaginable in terms of SSRI use (I started when I was 5--not by choice, obviously). It really frustrates me because I never even chose myself to go on these medications, I had very bad tantrums and anxiety as a small child and a psychiatrist put me on them. As I got older, instead of being told to get therapy and try getting off them, she just kept raising the dosage. By age 12 I was on the maximum dose even though my problems weren't that severe. I remember being in middle school gaining weight, feeling tired CONSTANTLY, just not feeling like a kid at a ll, and at the time no one thought that the medication could be the reason for it. It's so upsetting because I feel as though my entire life up until this point has been taken from me and Ill never experience what it's like to be young and happy. Like I said I never showed depressive symptoms before the medication but as the dose was raised I would occasionally get depression symptoms. When I was 15/16 I was switched to celexa which actually "worked" quite a bit better for me, I lost a lot of weight and felt energetic and motivated, but by the time I was 18 I really wanted off of these drugs that weren't even my choice to go on. However, as I learned the hard way psychiatrists don't have a good understanding of what's required for a successful taper. I was then on 40mg, and she lowered it all the way to 30, and then quickly after that to 20. This all happened right before I went away to university for the first time, so it was just horrible timing. My first month of college I noticed I began to feel severe chest pain. I didn't know what was happening and it was very scary. My entire freshman year I essneitllay spent in severe burning pain all across my chest and upper back. I would be doubled over crying for much of the day because of the pain. I went to see SO many doctors about it but they all said I was perfectly healthy and it must be from anxiety or just 'in my head'. I had to leave college after my first year because of the pain. By this point I was completely off of the celexa because I didn't know what was happening and I thought the pain was being caused solely by the drug itself. But the pain didn't get any better, it got worse. I basically spent the next 3 years (not an exaggeration) bedridden crying in pain. I cannot even describe in words how severe the pain was. And the problem was no one even considered that it was due to withdrawal because every doctor I went to said no, withdrawal wouldn't cause pain like that. So it was just a constant 'search' to figure out why I was having this mysterious pain. Even when I went back on the celexa to see if it would help, it wouldn't get rid of the pain, but I believe that's because (as I later found), the only way to get rid of it is by going on the HIGHEST possible dose because that's the highest dose my body was accustomed to. Finally last year I tried Zoloft out of desperation (I was missing my whole youth...I feel like my situation is a lot different because I spent 18-21 bedridden in pain. I know I could "wait it out" a few more years...but I'm missing my entire youth, a period fo my life I won't get back, and I don't know how much longer my college is going to let me take time off. I should have already graduated by now :(. It's so painful to be in so much pain while other people your age are having the time of your lives.) So even though I hate these medications, I tried Zoloft in a desperate attempt to just be out of pain and be able to move forward with my life. By the time I reached 150mg my pain went away completely (after 4 months on it), but of course I have other side effects on it I do not like like loss of creativity (I want to be a musician, and I love art), not feeling emotions as deeply, and almost feeling like your'e living life in a fog. To be blunt I don't feel "myself" on it. My individual spark is gone. But, I was just so desperate to get rid fo the physical pain. Anyway I made a freaking stupid decision in May to go off of it. At this point me and my doctors still didn't 100% make the connection between the pain and withdrawal, it was just a 'theory'. I thought my pain could have lessened because I had a boyfriend and friends now, was in school, feeling better, was out of pain to the point I was exercising consistently, etc. Well, nope lol. All of my pain returned this month. I'm back to being in bed with pain I'm in a huge dilemma because I know from past experience the pain DOES NOT go away. It's weird because I don't have any mental symptoms from going off the medication. I don't feel any more anxious/depressed/etc. The symptoms are all physical for me. It's just the most severe pain imaginable. I'm sure it's some type of nerve damage because it feels like burning knives stabbing into me..no words can describe the pain. I just want the pain gone as soon as possible, but I know if I go back on the medication I have to say goodbye to who I am as a person and my musical talent. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like I said, I have already missed so much of my life. I don't want to be bedridden from pain anymore 😞 It just hurts so much. And it's not even my fault because I never chose to go on this medication!! I feel like I'm screwed for life, and will never have a full life devoid of both pain and of the medication. What if I just never adjust to being off of it because I started so young? I just hope some people here can offer me advice on how to eliminate it without having pain like this. I just cannot stand the pain... I'm sorry this is so long but like all of you, my story is long! To make it easier if someone is just skimming, withdrawal symptoms include - severe burning / stabbing pain in upper back, chest, shoulders - occasional hip pain and inability to walk because of it - digestive problems (extreme bloating, heartburn) - lightheadedness when standing up at times - basically feel like all my nerves are on fire - chest tightness 24/7
  11. Kristeebee

    Kristeebee: hi there

    Hi my name is Kristy. I am during doing a slow taper of Zoloft (50 mg). Because my system cant handle going higher than that snd gives me more anxiety. At this point, I'm not sure if Zoloft is giving me more anxiety or not. I have tried most antidepressants with anxiety being worse. I am currently on Clonzasapam, which I really want to come off of but I am scared. Im looking for support. I am 2 weeks into the taper and its been tough already and I dont know how I will survive the 10 month plan and beyond that.
  12. Hi. I am a former member om Paxilprogress, and as many of the other members I was schocked when it suddenly closed. I am tapering zoloft since 2011. I started 25 mg in March 2011 and after two weeks went up to 50 mg. I started due to stressrelated tinnitus and the panicattacks that gave me. But Zoloft was horrendous for me, and now later, I think I had an adverse reaction to it. I was zombieliked, felt suicidal, vomited and felt totally crazy. ((But the tinnitus got better.) So after downs and ups in doses (doctors told me to hold on) I started to drop for real in August same year. But now I was supersensitive. I tried to drop from 18.75 to 12.5 but got into heavy wd. So since 17.5 mg I have dropped by 5 percent of the previous dose, just enough to be able to function at work and at home. It has taken me 3.5 years! I feel better and better the more I drop. Now I am down to 2.35 mg. I, on the whole, feel fine with my drops. On the lower doses I have felt almost nothing. But I know I am super senstive, still. I have been able to (social) drink wine the last year with no issues. But last thursday I,stupidly, took my dose after two glasses, and the drank some more. Oh god...the day after I felt like I was in heavy wd. Akathasia, shaky, headaches. I think the wine blocked the zoloft out, like if I missed a dose (I have never ever missed a dose). This made me feel really scared. This drug is so powerful, still on a low dose. I guess I just have to keep tapering... Nice to find a new community! Amy
  13. Hey everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself and let you all in on my journey and discontinuation of antidepressants. I am 28 years old and just ended an 11 year relationship with AD's. There was so much shame I felt being on these drugs. I felt like I was this great person because of the pills I was taking and nothing more. I wouldn't dare tell a soul I was taking antidepressants for fear that they would then see the pill and not me. Make sense? I said goodbye to Sertraline in November 2017. After completing yoga teacher training and having this new perspective of myself and my life, I started to actually feel the chemicals that weren't meant to be in my body. I had tried tapering off of Sertraline 3 times prior to the last over the past few years. The previous tries I would make it about a month or two before surrendering back to the pills to make myself feel better if I started feeling sad or uneasy. This time was different. VERY different. This time I started with intense research. I wanted to discontinue the dosage but this time was for real; I would do my homework and get off of these things once and for all. And what I found first broke my heart, made me angry and then gave me hope. The anger is still present when I try to find a reason 'why' people are enslaved to these prescription drugs. The research I found led me to this site, and I continue to research the effects and harms that these medications actually do to people, unbeknownst to them. The cause of our sadness is residual, stagnant energy trapped in our bodies from a traumatic event or life experience that changed our perspective of what is. When we take these medications, we are never actually dealing with the source of our problems, rather than masking it over with a clouded perception of reality. I used to love my prescriptions. Even after I would attempt to quit, that love would return after I felt 'better' taking them again. I was prescribed my first antidepressant when I was 16. I was missing a lot of school because I slept in too late. I just loved my sleep. Eventually, I was sent to the PCP to see what could be done about this sleeping problem.. Well, her answer was Citalopram (Celexa). This was the beginning of a battle I never wanted to be involved with but here I am. And P.S. the sleeping issue was not resolved in any way thereafter. To keep it short, I will just give you a brief history of how my dance with prescription drugs evolved after that: 2006 Celexa (Citalopram) 40 mg & Adderall XR 75 mg (a lot of the times more because I was heavily addicted) 2007 Citalopram & Ritalin (don't remember mg) .. soon after Vyvanse (don't remember mg) and finally to Amphetamine Salts due to unpleasant side effects from the Ritalin & Vyvanse.. ** indicates time period where Amphetamine Salts were prescribed 2008 ** Citalopram 40 mg-> Effexor XR 75 mg after a psychiatric evaluation (which I now understand was due to the medications and the effect they had on me mentally ... psh) 2009** Effexor XR 75 mg - Paxil (Paroxetine) 30 mg due to the INSANELY high cost of Effexor without insurance I was forced to wean myself off and switch 2010** Paxil 30 mg-> Sertraline 50 mg due to weight gain and lethargy 2011-2013 Sertraline 50 mg -> Wellbutrin (Bupropion Hcl) 75 mg due to sexual side effects and wanting to feel alive again 2013-2017 Wellbutrin 75 mg -> Back to Zoloft (Sertraline) 75 mg because the anxious side effects of the Wellbutrin made me uneasy and Sertraline seemed to be the only AD that had the least side effects at the time 2017 Sertraline 75 mg -> slow taper to 50 MG for two weeks -> halving the dosage & following this pattern until there was nothing -> 5 HTP 50 mg & 1200 mg Fish Oil NOW = 1200 mg Fish Oil and becoming accustomed to an Ayurvedic diet along with daily yoga practice**** this is HUGE and one of the main reasons I have remained clean from AD's Now, almost two months clean from prescription drugs I can say that there is still lots of work to be done. When you go through your teenage years and early twenties on AD's, you need to relearn how to interact and react as there is no longer that pill keeping you numb. Everything becomes real and raw. There are still days that I have my emotions consume my entire being in a negative way and I am still working on this. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. As of right now, it seems as though I am taking off from where I left off at 16 years old. This means emotionally and re actively along with maturity and sexuality. As many of you can relate, I could go on with this topic and how it has effected my entire life for ever and ever. There will be more posts that follow in regards to these drugs and how we can help each other become clean and free once again as we were made to be. Love and blessings to you all <3 we CAN do this..we are all in this together! LB Anti-depressants controlling tools of your system Making life more tolerable, making life more tolerable. The Unthinking Majority - Serj Tankian
  14. TNnightowl

    TNnightowl

    Hi there, everyone. I have been hanging around this site for a few weeks now, and I've discovered so much valuable, helpful information. Actually putting myself out there is a big step for me, but I am convinced that this is where I belong. I have recently made the decision, after much research & thoughtful/prayerful consideration, to come off all the psych meds I am taking. I understand this will take time, but I'm in it for the long haul. So much of what I have learned over the past few weeks, and much of it from this site, is terrifying...and very much an eye-opener. I was first prescribed antidepressants back in 1989, and I may not be able to recall all the different meds I've taken since then nor the exact time frames taking each one. I will try to be as accurate as possible. Major Depression 1989, hospitalized for 22 days Amitriptyline (strength/dosage ?) Can't recall the anti-anxiety med prescribed. Maybe Xanax. Since that time I have been prescribed numerous antidepressants & anti-anxiety meds over the years. I am unable to be more specific than to name a few that I can recall. Time frames are impossible to recall as well. Lexapro Xanax Paxil I was med-free for a few years and functioned very well...even as a single mom of three very active boys. Then, approximately 10 yrs. ago I went down into that pit of depression again. Began antidepressants again and have been on them ever since. About 5-6 years ago, I resigned myself that I would need these meds for the rest of my life. I have lived in my own little world, functioning, but I have realized I want my life back. Currently: Sertraline (generic Zoloft) 100mg. 2 X a day Bupropn (gen. Wellbutrin) HCL 150mg. XL 1 X a day Lorazepam (gen. Ativan) 1mg. 1/2 - 1 tablet up to twice daily as needed. Have been taking a whole tablet before bed each night for about a year. As of 4 weeks ago, I am in the process of tapering and will begin tonight with a nightly dose of 1/2 tablet. (Was taking this dosage until a major event in my life about a year ago, then I began with one whole tablet at bedtime.) I have a pill cutter and have tapered slowly. I intend to hold it at this dosage until I have my med check appt next month, then go from there. Abilify 5mg. (on and off this one for about 3 years at different strengths, 5mg. being the highest) Started tapering off about 3 months ago but as I discovered on this site, taper wasn't slow enough. Experienced nightmarish w/d symptoms for 2-3 weeks, then began slowly to feel better. Symptoms have since subsided...ups and downs, though, over a few weeks. Will NEVER put this poison in my body again! I am making changes in my diet, exercising, and being mindful of & rerouting my thought patterns...and socializing more, which is very difficult for me. My grown sons & daughters-in-law, brothers & sis-in-law, and a couple close friends are aware of my goals. They are all very supportive and are "there" for me...24/7. This is very comforting to me. I have my faith, and I have a wonderful therapist who has been & is extremely helpful to me and is supportive of my efforts to become psych meds-free. I am very thankful to have found this site. Reading others' experiences helped me to survive the w/d symptoms after tapering off Abilify. So thank you to all who share here!
  15. Hi everyone! Just found this site weeks ago while browsing the net regarding AD withdrawal. Sounds like you all have more insight to AD's then any doctor I've ever seen. It's reassuring there are others like me who have had many years of AD use. I'll be 47 years young next month and have been taking Zoloft/Sertraline since the early 90's. It's been a looooong time! 22 years I believe. Matter of fact, there wasn't even a generic available for Zoloft when I started taking it, it's been so long. I've been on 100mg/day since the beginning. I've tried 50mg/day for a while and been as high as 150mg/day but only for a short period. Currently still on 100mg/day, seems to be my sweet spot. Anyway, like many people out there, I was diagnosed with Dysthymia in my 20's and was promptly put on Zoloft while having a major depressive episode. I sought therapy during that time and they thought Zoloft would be an excellent option for me during that gloomy year. Fast forward 20+ years and I think it was the worst option they could have suggested during that time. Hindsight is always 20/20 they say. It is what it is now. I was an excellent responder to Zoloft. After a small adjustment to the med life was really excellent for a long long time. I had probably 15 good years on this AD with very few side effects. Things like emotional blunting, mild anorgasmia, foggy head syndrome were just a few sides that have persisted thoughout the years. As I get older, these side effects have seemed to get worse despite living a very healthy lifestyle. Many of the doctors I've seen over the years all have said that I could expect to be on Zoloft for the rest of my life and that it's ok that I am. Not so sure I agree with that. I've been married for 19 years to the same wonderful supportive woman. I've been at my same job for 25 years, make a decent income and have very few external stressors. I have nothing to complain about in my life. So I keep asking myself why am I still on an AD? I think some of it has been complacency. If zoloft is working so good then why quit taking it, right? It did work wonders for a long long time, so basically for a while I wrote it off as something I would be on forever and just live with the side effects until the day I die. I guess I could live with that and go on with my life. But what happens when the same drug you have been taking for 22 years starts to lose it's effectiveness? That's what seems to be happening over the last few years now. Many years ago I tried to wean of zoloft without any luck. Back then I had no idea what I was doing and neither did the doctor I was seeing. I look back and think about the 50% weaning schedule my doctor had suggested and just shake my head. No wonder it was so horrible. Needless to say I quickly reinstated and went on with my life. From all the reading I've been doing I now know that was the worst thing I could have done. A few months ago I found a really excellent doctor that specializes in integrative health. Although he doesn't specialize in Psychiatry, he really "gets it" compared to other doctors that simply want to push pills on you. He really understands how weaning works and also suggested the 10% weaning schedule you all advocate as well. I think I'm a pivotal point in my life regarding my AD. I don't think it's working very good anymore. I can detect very small withdrawal symptoms while on the same dose I've had for years. I think this tells me it's pooping out on me. My life circumstances are as stable as they will ever be so I feel this is a good time to start my journey. I know it will be really difficult and I'm willing to accept the fact that there is no deadline to finish my taper. I'll take it one day at a time. Hopefully with your support I can some day successfully be free from AD's forever. I Hope to get to know some of you on the forum. My intro was a little long so if you made it to the bottom thanks for listening All the best, Rob
  16. Hello- I am new here. I've been on psychiatric drugs for almost two decades now. I currently take Zoloft 300mg, Adderall 60mg, Abilify 15mg, Mirtazapine 45mg, Trazodone 100mg and Klonopin .5mg. I've only ever been diagnosed with depression which started in 2002. I don't have ADHD, bipolar, schizophrenia or any other known disorder. After suffering for many years and wanting to get off these medications I am finally going to do it. I am wondering if anyone has used the tapering strips from Dr. Groot? I am highly sensitive to these medications and from the withdrawal effects I've had briefly in the past- they were excruciating. I currently reside in Arizona but will be moving home to Michigan to start the withdrawal process very soon. Thank you and God bless us all. If you'd like to learn more about my story and experience or if I can be of help to anyone please let me know.
  17. I' m a 35 year old female with a history of anxiety and I had spinal surgery due to scoliosis at age 13/14. I have rods in my spine. Over the years I had some spasms in my back which have made me stiff while trying to straighten out. These were linked to my periformis muscle. I still have a slight scoliosis so my body is not aligned well. In winter my vitamin d levels were very low at 25. I experienced massive work related stress anxiety for the past 2 years which increased in April. I had massive burn out and was overworking myself and not eating or hydrating well. I started having panic attacks and insomnia At the end of April 2019 went on anti anxiety medication, brintellix which caused bruises on my legs. Overall I felt good on the medication. I was also taking supplements, LGlutamine, Vitamin b, probiotic, magnesium. By the end of June 2019 I went to the ER due to very bad leg pains. The weekend before I had these symptoms I did a lot of very hard labour around my house and walked for 2 h. Im not very active. Also the week before I drove 8 hours straight with very short stops in between. I did the same trip back 10 hours after 3 days. Initially I ignored the leg soreness as just lactic acid build up but by thursday night I realized it was not normal. I thought I developed a blood clot. Turned out my CPK muscle enzyme was at 11, 200 so my muscles were breaking down. I was diagnosed with rhabdomyalysis cause unknown. Had to stay in the hospital for 3 days on intense IV fluid flushing. My CPK levels have been consistently down at normal since discharge which is a good sign. Rhabdomyalysis can be caused by intense workout, crush injury, ssri's which i was on but it is also linked to muscular/neurological issues. During this time I also quit my anti-anxiety meds cold turkey as apparently 4 days was enough according to my doctor. I believe I had withdrawals. Brain fog, insomnia, resless leg syndrome, vertigo those stopped. For about a week and a bit after hospital discharge I was okay then the following happened: A week after hospital discharge, I decided to go down 23 flights of stairs and carried my friends 18 month old son around a mall. Not the smartest decision after muscle breakdown. The following day my calfs were inflamed. I could barely walk on my left leg. I rushed to the doctor to check my CPK which were normal. My legs were ok and I was able to walk fine.After that week everything went downhill. Since June 17, I started twitching in my left bicep. The twitches spread to other parts of the body: legs, feet, back, ribs, you name it I had it. The twitches are daily some days worse than others. They are not constant and happen when I'm at rest or when I'm not moving the area. Initially I had these weird sensations in my legs as if I had bugs crawling inside or bubling. That has since ended. I also have cramps in my legs after walking or numbness primarily in the left leg. This also comes and goes. I did have a band like sensation around my head that's gone. I had one tiny tongue twitch. I have gastro issues. Before being on medication I had IBS. I started having a a right hand tremor that comes and goes. On July 23 i had a massive facial twitch on my left side. I was crying so much that day and felt my nerves building up inside me when I found out my MRI and nerve study will not happen until November. After I stopped crying the twitch happened. I thought I was having a stroke. Sometimes still get a bit of a twitch around the crease of my mouth, my eye lids are more shaky when I close them and I had a bit of a twitch to my left eye lid. I had to take predisone steroid for 5 days as my face did droop a bit. I also have tingling in my hands that come and go and burning sensations in my arms. I had electrical like sensations running from my elbow to my fingers once at night. I already had autoimmune tests and muscle related blood tests all came back normal. I had a brain mri and cspine mri, a ct scan of my brain all normal. One of the ER doctors wrote peripheral neuropathy as his diagnosis which scared me even more. He wrote that my leg reflexes are hyper but im symetrical on both sides and I'm still within the 2 to 3 range which I read is normal. During my time off brintellix I developed high anxiety thinking I have MS or ALS. I had daily crying spells. ER doctor told me to take lorazepam every 4 hours so I went to my doctor as I felt that was too much. She gave me clorazapam to take 2x per day. I was also prescribed zoloft and went from .25 mg to .75 mg over the past 3 weeks. I went to a neurologist who reassured me I have absolutely no neurological conditions and believes my symptoms are caused by high anxiety and sensitivity to ssris. Since I increased the Zoloft dose I feel wired as if I'm on some crazy drugs, I'm talking fast and have more body jerks and body tremors. The neurologist told me to go down to .50 mg. I feel extremely jittery. I don't want to be on these drugs they are messing up my system. I feel very scared of what is happening to my body.
  18. Slartibartfastlost

    Slartibartfastlost: 10 Years of ADs

    Hey everyone. 10 years ago in 2008 I was diagnosed with depression and put on 40mg of Celexa while I was in the army. 6 years ago after I had left the army for 2 years I was diagnosed with depression again and was switched to 150mg of Zoloft. I've tried tapering off of my medications in the past, but either the withdrawal symptoms were too strong or I assumed that I was having a relapse. I started tapering March of this year (2018). I saw my doctor for support on dealing with the symptoms of tapering in September. They put me on 1g of folic acid and 500mg of tryptophan and had me alternate my doses when going to a new dose. In november they had me alternating one day of 12.5mg of Zoloft and one day of nothing for a week before telling me to stop Zoloft. As y'all can imagine it didn't go well and my head was spinning for a week. They had me go back to one day on one day off of 12.5mg, but by this point my body was consistently agitated in the mornings, I had become hypersensitive to caffeine and anxiety had crawled itself all over me. After reading all of the information in the site I've decided to heed the advice here and assume that my doctor knows literally nothing about getting off of antidepressants. I am currently taking 8.75mg of Zoloft dissolved in water, 2g of omega 3 and 800mg of ashwagandha. I will be tapering the Zoloft by 1.25mg each time as I've diluted the drug 2:1 and my oral syringe's smallest measurement is 2.5ml. Since I stopped the tryptophan and folic acid and started taking the drug daily again my body seems to have stabilized and my physical symptoms abated, though the general anxiety is still present. I am currently seeing a therapist whom has given me a lot of tools to work with and help stabilize myself when my brain is trying to feed me the anxiety. During my tapering journey I have also experienced: dizziness, brain zaps, mood swings, flu like symptoms, depression, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and paranoia. I hadn't ever thought that it could be the drugs but before I went into the army learning and reading were some of my favorite past times. After I left the army both of the activities were much more difficult for me to do. I had assumed it was a result of me getting older, but after my taper was down to 50-25mg suddenly I was able to think much more clearly. I started experiencing the full breadth of emotions instead of what I had thought was normal for the past ten years which turned out to be the equivalent of black and white tv. I'm really happy that I finally decided to push through the withdrawal symptoms and come back to reality (or at least what feels like it). I want to thank everyone on the site for being essentially the only place to have actual information for getting of of these drugs. Without it I'd still be struggling while my doctor waits for me to "relapse" and tell me they told me so. My hope is that by adding my story here it may help someone going through a similar situation find this place and get the information they need.
  19. Hello, this is my first post and I’m really looking for some help Here is my story, so for the past three years I have been on 50mg Sertraline/ Zoloft for Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression. I decided to come off of them from the beginning of this year and then had a delayed withdrawal symptoms three weeks from my last dose. I then reinstated on the same medication and for 2 weeks and 5 days experiences awful side effects even worse compared to the first time I went on it, the main cause for concern it making me have suicidal thoughts and feelings, which led me to CT with the advice of my doctor. From what I have found is that the medication may have exasperated my discontinuation symptoms. For a month after I experienced discontinuation symtpoms including Acute anxiety and dread Waking up anxious Low mood Depression Feeling extreme weariness (the worst) Nightmares Decreased appetite Mild insomnia - waking up several times throughout the night and early morning wake ups Confusion Brain fog - words and sentences seeming jumbled or muddled Intrusive suicidal thoughts Suicidal feelings Crying spells Mood swings Irritibility Racing thoughts Anhedonia Poor concentration - unable to read or listen to music Mild memory loss Derealisation / Depersonalisation Flu-symptoms Mild vertigo Tingling sensations Smelling things that aren’t there Diarrhoea Lack of labido Light sensitivity Eye floaters 5 weeks later and most of these are gone, I had a streak of 6 days where I felt fantastic, I felt like I could manage my anxiety and depression and I was just left with what I’m usually used to. However, I feel awful again, but I am unsure if this is a “relapse” to what my natural mental state is or if I’m still experiencing mild withdrawal. I noticed yesterday that I kept repeating a words that I was reading from signs I walked past, I have quite bad health anxiety and seeing as this is unrelated to anxiety and more OCD, it’s freaking me out thinking I might be developing it. But, when I read about OCD it doesn’t entirely relate to what I’m like, I’ve always been more anxious and depressed, I don’t perform rituals in my mind or physically. I do have worries about losing control and horrible instrusive thoughts but I always assumed that it suited my anxiety rather than OCD. I have had repetitive words happen to me a few times even while I was on the meds, but to a point that it didn’t concern me, probably a total of 5 days out of the three years. I also remember right at the beginning of my experiences with mental health that I did sometimes count things but could easily stop. But im unable to remember if this is when I started the sertraline or before. Now I’m off of them I’m unsure if this is a diagnosis that has been unnnoticed (as I did go onto AD fairly quickly) or if this is an effect of SSRI meds and the withdrawal? I also had about a 5 day bout when I recently reinstated my meds experiencing a compulsion to touch my nose over and over, however I resisted it to the point that it went quickly and figured that it was my brain confused coming off and on the medication and the effects on my nervous system, and that I had read somewhere that the end of someone’s nose also felt quite strange coming off medication and that it can be anxiety related. I do feel that as a person my anxiety fixates on health problems and then acts them out in hypothetical situations, so I used to worry about schizophrenia so when my anxiety was bad I would imagine voices talking to me, even though I was not psychotic. I think the same thing happens with my current worry of OCD, that my brain is acting it out playing on my worries, rather than the typical sense of OCD using those thoughts to neutralise worries. If that makes sense. Im also beginning to experience Earworms, parts of songs annoyingly repeating in my head. Has as anyone got some incite to how I’m feeling or if they have had similar experiences? Is it because of the medication, the discontinuation, or should I have something to worry about in terms of OCD? And most importantly, can people experience mild symptoms of OCD but mainly have anxiety? I.e can anxiety borrow tendencies from OCD without it being OCD. I feel a lot better without all the nasty discontinuation symptoms, but now I just feel awfully trapped between coming off medication or having to one day maybe reinstate because I’d be unable to deal with what I’m like off of them and this mental discomfort. All the stories on here scare the life out of me, however both options appear terrifying- being off medication and going back on them. I don’t ever want to experience being suicidal again, but I don’t want to be crippled with anxiety and new symptoms that seem scary to manage. So confusing. Hopefully I’ve been as informative and concise as possible. Would love to hear from you all!
  20. Good morning all, My name is Erica and I was taking Zoloft for over 20 years before recently tapering off due to side effects. My journey with Zoloft started with my PCP using it to control debilitating migraines. It ended with poisonous spider bites, and an infection causing the hospital to dose me with steroids. I had already been experiencing some side effects but I didn't know it and the steroid sent me over the top. I developed weakness, fatigue, OH, tremors, daily headaches, dizziness, and lost my mental focus all at once. I'm no longer taking Zoloft but I'm still feeling the wreckage it left behind. I'm now on an anti-seizure med for migraine prevention and a Parkinson's med to control my other symptoms. Official diagnosis is Neurological Tremor as of now, but its most likely Drug Induced Parkinsonism. It takes a Neuro to make that diagnosis and I haven't found a good one so far...the first 2 didn't even listen to my symptoms. This has been a terrible, frustrating journey for my family. Some days I can't think, can't work, can't drive, and can't hold onto anything. I'm only 42. This drug seriously messed up my life and I had no idea that could happen. Hoping to find and give support here. Thank you.
  21. I joined this site a couple of weeks ago. After finding that paxilprogress was no more. I was devastated. That site may have truly saved my life in some of my darkest moments. What is one to do? When essentially you've self-destructed in front of everyone you love; because of a nasty little "non-habit-forming" pill that's been shoved down your throat for decades. So here I am. Time (weeks really) has eluded me. I meant to reach out sooner. I'm just hoping I'm not reaching out too late. I feel like such a horrible failure. I know better than that at some level, know that maybe I failed but that I just have to pick up the broken pieces and keep moving forward. But I'm so I'll. I'm so weak. I'm so alone. And I feel so helpless. My life may not have been a picnic before the introduction of SSRIs. But this is one situation in which the grass was truly greener on the side of which I was already standing. Before popping that first "innocent" little pink pill, prescribed by a doctor who had seen me only once and only spent 10 minutes "getting to know me". I couldn't tell you who that doctor was, I never saw him again. Nevertheless he was the first in probably nearly a hundred who have insisted upon continuing the saga. And what better did I know? I was unhappy before the meds. I was often unstable on them. And I was clueless as to why I was saying and doing psychotic things (that I often didn't remember, or just have "snippets" of memory after the fact) and so violently ill when I decided I simply no longer wanted to take the pills. Or was even 12 hours late on a dose. (More about that and my travels down genetic testing road and CYP450 mutations later.) All that being said; Hello to all in these forums. I'm the antisocial one. The antisocial one that sometimes doesn't know when it's appropriate to shut up. Or how to appropriately ask for help. But if you've been through it (psych med-wise), I probably have too. And vice versa.
  22. Hi everyone. I've been on SSRIs of one sort or another for 23 years. I had depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and severe social anxiety my entire childhood, and felt like I only became myself when I got on Prozac at age 12. My social skills hadn't developed normally because I had been too scared and depressed to interact with other children, but I was able to catch up in my teens with the help of medication. I tried to get off a couple times, once in my late teens and once in my mid-20s, but it didn't go well. With medication, I have mostly done well, except for chronic insomnia that can at times be crippling. I have gone through many kinds of treatments, therapies, medications, and lifestyle changes in an effort to manage my insomnia. Now I'm 35, and until a couple months ago, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I was recently married, had an exciting career, and was mostly keeping the insomnia under control through a strict cognitive behavior therapy regimen. I was taking 50 mg of Zoloft, a low dose that I had slowly reduced to over several years. I started a two-month taper using a liquid formulation with the goal of starting a family medication-free. I know Zoloft is considered one of the safest SSRIs during pregnancy. But I really wanted to be medication-free for my baby, and it seemed with all the life skills and support systems I had built, that should be within reach. All seemed to be going well until I got down to about 20 mg. Then I started having awful, crippling bouts of insomnia that would leave me sobbing in despair and frustration for hours at night. I became emotionally hyper-reactive to everything; even something silly like not being able to find my socks could send me into violent fantasies, yells and sobs. I also had physical symptoms -- excessive sweating, diarrhea, and nausea. I held steady at 5 mg for a couple weeks, and it seemed to be getting better, so I slowly dropped the rest of the way. Things were rocky for a few days, then seemed to ease off, and I relaxed thinking I was on the way out. I've been off Zoloft completely for just over two weeks now, and it's suddenly gotten much much worse. That makes no sense to me because Zoloft has a short half-life, so I wasn't expecting a delayed reaction. But my insomnia is so bad lately that just thinking about my bed makes my throat close up, dreading the hours and hours of torture that will be my night. Half the time I am so tired that I can't function, literally not safe to drive to work. And for the past few days I have felt a rising cloud of depression and constant misery. A big part of me now believes on a bone-deep level that I am worthless and have never done anything worthwhile in my entire life. It seems obvious to me that the things I took pride in while I was on medication were stupid delusions, and I was just making a fool of myself with everything I did. Part of me does not want to go back on medication, even though I know it would fix this, because I don't want to be the stupid pathetic deluded fool again. Better to huddle in clear-eyed torment. And I can't bring myself to believe that it's okay to have a baby on Zoloft, even if my medicated self would have said I was being irrational. I know that untreated depression during pregnancy is associated with worse outcomes than taking Zoloft. So having a baby like this isn't an option either. But right now that seems moot, because I no longer feel I have the right or capacity to bring a child into the world. When I leave the house now or do anything besides curl up and cry, I am like a puppet-master pulling the strings of my own body, putting on a grisly charade of a functional living human.
  23. I have been on Zoloft for over 40 years. I have been on Vicodin and Xanax for almost that long but have recently rapidly discontinued these two drugs over the course of 2 months. After one month of severe W/D sxs, I crossed over to Valium 30mgs. After stabilizing for a month, I began slowly tapering the Valium from 15mg, which is going well. I feel that the Zoloft has completely stopped working for me a long time ago and that it is now only preventing W/D sxs. I am at the maximum dose and I think that I would feel better at a much lower dose or completely off of it. I read here on SA that it is a good idea to taper off of your AD first and then taper your benzo. I am now considering holding my taper of the Valium and beginning the taper of my Zoloft, keeping the Trazadone for sleep. I realize that this process will take a long time, especially with me being at the maximum dose of Zoloft. I really want to taper off of the Valium at some point due to the possibility of future dementia issues. I am 65 years old and am wondering if it is even worth the trouble to start this process knowing that possibly the next 10 years, or more, of my life could be a living hell. I would like any and all thoughts on my predicament and if you think that I should begin this journey, which should I begin with and how to go about doing it. I know that slow, slow, slow is the key with any taper. Thank you for reading my story, Leon
  24. Topic title: Welbutrin use for 10 years have done with tapering but awful things happening almost 2 months still My daughter has been in and out of er spent a week in the mental ward. Since getting off these meds we are at a dead end she is a awful mess. She was put on buspar 2 weeks ago to help cope , any insight any help would be so welcome at this point.
  25. Moderator's note: link to Musk's members-only benzo thread - Musk: how to taper 5 mg diazepam every two days Hello, this is my first post. So grateful to find this forum. I am in Spain, not able to comunicate properly in english, I use googletraslator. My history: since spring 2015, postnatal depression with anxiety and somatization due to extreme fear of diseases, especially autoimmune diseases. Sertraline 100 mg & diazepam 5 mg from June 2016 to August 2017. Right after appendicitis with surgery (28 august 2017) and chronic hip and lumbar pain since 4 months. In consultation of rheumatology I discover that I have a hlab27 gene related to ankylosing spondylitis, which conditions me mentally more and more. But pain has not an inflammatory pattern and there is no sign of inflammation in blood. Now progressively more and more depressed with new symptom really the most disabling: severe insomnia. Medical proposal: return to sertraline. Big temptation, but I refuse. I continue with diazepam 5 mg (ocasionaly). Is this a possible case of withdrawal sindrome? Opinions welcome. In psycotherapy, I had some little epyphany (childhood trauma, obsesive negative thoughts...) Many many thanks.
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