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  1. Hi friends this is JB, I have a specific question for those of you out there in regards to heightened sensitivity to sound. Does anyone have any experience with antidepressant induced sensitivity to sound? I experienced a couple of years of severe reactivity to sound, inability to filter noise and converse, loud noises and certain music intrusive. Was getting a physical respnse to sound felt as real as being slapped in the face. Fast forward to now a year later slowly tapering off celexa my mind is clearer i am better able to think and cope with sound sensitivity. However, I still have this overreaction to sound where I perceive volume on just about anything to be intolerable and too loud. I often try to calm myself with my music. This works often except for the lower frequencies that “intrude” and can be heard and felt through headphones. Does this ring a bell with anyone?
  2. Hello, I have been reading this forum off and on for the past few years. I have been on antidepressants, specifically Celexa for about 10 years. It was started in college due to panic symptoms while giving presentations, and also general social anxiety. It did seem to help to tamper the anxiety, I was ultimately able to get through speeches, face more social situations and accomplish more in the college setting. I experienced minimal to no side effects initially. It was perhaps two years into taking the medication that I began to realize that my emotions seemed numb, I no longer cried or felt much in general. I discussed this with the prescriber who asked whether I would prefer this effect, vs the anxiety that had been somewhat crippling, and I decided it was better to remain on medication than not. I have also been offered/considered other medications such as wellbutrin to counteract the "side effects", and do not think I am interested in going down that road. About 8 years into taking the medication I became more concerned about the above side effects, noting I had not cried in about a decade, and not identifying with my own emotions, or empathizing with others as much either. Not feeling as much love for my partner or others, not responding as positively to things I enjoy, though probably not as negatively to stressors either. I had reached a max dose of 40 mg at one point, had slowly tapered to 10 mg without too much difficulty. Following grad school before starting my first job I decided to go off altogether. The withdrawal itself was not too bad, though there was a noticeable return of emotions. It was refreshing to "feel" again, yet I felt a growing anxiety as my first job approached, fearing my inability to perform without medication, and ultimately went back onto 10 mg of Celexa. I started my new job about 1 year ago, which actually was in the field of mental health, and did deal to an extent with the prescription of psychiatric medication. My concerns about my own medication remained, and I had a growing concern about the impact medications may be having on others as well, which contributed to my resignation, along with other factors, such as work stress impacting my life. I should add that I am not necessarily against all medication, though still in the process of understanding how I feel about this. Around that time a long-term relationship also ended. And despite these major life events, I felt unable to emotionally process anything. Therefore, I am again interested in attempting to get off of medication altogether, to experience emotion, try to feel like myself again. I have been off for about four days. I feel I have more resources this time around; therapy, meditation, exercise, etc. all our helpful. I am concerned that the taper is too fast (especially when comparing to the recommended tapers and others' experiences), but currently do not have health insurance to be prescribed a lower dosage...though may need to pursue this in the future if the current "experiment fails". My other concern is that this is not the "right time", given major life changes that have occurred recently (job and relationship loss), and currently needing to look for a new job. Concerns about whether I can remain in my current career while off medication, and/or how tapering would impact my emotional stability in my new position. I am interested in others input/experiences. Specifically, others experiences with lack of crying/emotion, and whether these emotions have returned during the tapering process, and whether they were manageable. I also am wondering whether it would be helpful to have one person who I communicate with directly, like a peer support to share experiences with and if anyone on the forum would be interested in this, or if there is a way of finding a peer/mentor/buddy to mutually share experiences with. Thank you for reading!
  3. I haven't been able to reduce my Cymbalta dose for two years because of the horrible withdrawal symptoms I have experienced with both attempts (a year apart). I spent three years dropping from 60 to 30 mg. I have pretty much given up the goal of eliminating Cymbalta - afraid to cause more damage by tapering the than that caused by continuing to take 30mg. I am unwilling to risk further trauma and drama, so I haven't tried the crossover either. Prozac was too "activating" for me in 1989. I don't think it's likely to be a solution in 2012. I still have restlessness, sweats, problems with balance, an incredibly trigger-happy startle reflex and frequent headaches. After feeling progressively less brain fog during my three year taper, my cognitive processes are really abysmal at this point. I can't keep track of simple stuff, can't handle financial transactions, have problems with noise, light, just stimulus in general. And I haven't changed doses in two years. I wonder, do SNRIs poop-out the way the SSRIs tend to?
  4. Hi there, I'm a 29 year old male from the UK and I'm really glad to have found this site. I've been taking 40mg citalopram for 8 years (since i was 21) for depression since my early teenage years (14 years old). I've considered reducing my dosage for a long time with the goal of coming off and finally took the plunge and yesterday saw a doctor about it. His advice didn't seem particularly good and I've spent the past 16 or so hours reading as much as possible on tapering off citalopram which has led me to this site. Reading about it makes me feel incredibly nervous but I feel like I'm ready as I haven't experienced depression in a long time and am in a good place in my life. My biggest worry about tapering off the citalopram is not so much the withdrawal effects as I'm coming off - but getting it wrong and having persisting/returning depressive symptoms after tapering off and finding the past 8 years of recovery going up in smoke. I'm determined to do this right. I accept the possibility that maybe I'll need to remain on a maintenance dose for the rest of my life, but if that is the case I don't want it to be because I screwed up the tapering process. I was optimistic in seeing the doctor that I'd get the support I need to make the right decisions and do this the right way, but my meeting with him didn't go well. Despite my high dose and fairly long term use he suggested dropping to 30mg for a week, then 20mg for a week, then 10mg for a week and then stopping altogether, 40mg - 0 in one month. Based on everything I've read this sounds like a recipe for disaster. I said this sounded very fast and he told me another option was to drop 10mg at a time and stay at the new dose for a few weeks to see how I get on - so now I have a repeat prescription for 30mg which I started yesterday. Based on what I'm reading it sounds like I should take this dosage for at least 2 months. If the drop to 30mg goes well after 2 months or so I may try and see a different doctor who will hopefully be more helpful. I was told I can only drop down in 10mg increments and 10mg is the lowest available dose, but now I'm reading about people cutting their 10mg in half and I was very interested to read about the liquid solution. I'm not sure if these are available in the UK but if I see another doctor I will enquire, though I'm more interested in that for the drop from 20mg to 10mg to 0 which sounds like where it gets tricky. I'm just starting to read all the different information on this site and will spend some time today going through as much as I can but was wondering if the drop from 40mg to 30mg is too much to start? I was hoping that this drop off wouldn't be too bad to start with and once I'm stable on 30mg I can speak to a different doctor about a slower taper rather than dropping from 30-20mg in one go. I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place since doctors seem to absolutely hate any sort of 'self-medication' or people doing things their own way, yet this way seems significantly safer and healthier for both my short and long term health than what's been suggested to me and the limitations that the NHS allegedly puts on the tapering process (no doses smaller than 10mg etc). It's also complicated by the fact that I rely on the NHS and doctors to prescribe me any drugs at all. I look forward to hearing any advice and thank you in advance. QUAD
  5. Hi all, I'm new to the forum and would like to provide you with a brief history of my antidepressant use and current situation. When I was in my teenage years (15) in 2003 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder due to having panic attacks and intrusive thoughts. I was prescribed Citalopram 10mg and to be honest I do not remember much during this time, all I know is that the medication worked to a certain extent reducing both my OCD and anxiety. (but never completely "curing" the conditions, only making them manageable) The side effects were brutal (weight gain, lack of empathy - turning me into a zombie and sexual disfunction being the main ones) but I continued taking the medication because I was told there was a "chemical imbalance" in my brain and the medication is the only solution. From 2003 to 2018 my dose was gradually increased from 10mg to 60mg as I had periods of anxiety and panic attacks through the years even when medicated. I distinctly remember that the medication stopped working for me in 2016 when I suddenly started having anxiety 24/7 with the occasional panic attack. In late 2018 I decided to come off the medication for good as I believed it was not helping me anymore and the side effects were quite debilitating. I consulted my general practitioner about stopping the medication in 2018, he suggested I cut the dose in half every 3 days and then stop when I hit 5mg. I did not quite follow his instructions as during my taper I experienced some severe withdrawal symptoms (brain zaps and agitation) so I decided to reduce my dose by 5mg every 2 weeks. My last dose was taken in March 2019 and I took 2 weeks leave from work in anticipation of the withdrawal. At first there was only brain zaps and some agitation that in itself was manageable, then came the gastro intestinal issues about 1 month after stopping the meds, mostly heartburn and IBS type symptoms. I did not link these issues with withdrawal and went to a GI specialist that performed multiple tests (Colonoscopy, Gastroscopy, CT scan and blood tests) all tests came back reporting no issues. after about 2 months off the meds I started having severe panic attacks and anxiety as well as pressure in my head (behind my eyes), severe dizziness and a lot more symptoms that I cannot even recall as they disappeared and reappeared seemingly at random. Due to the anxiety and panic attacks I started to struggle at work and I reasoned that it must be due to me requiring the medication and I probably need to take it for the rest of my life (even though it does not seem to do anything for me anymore). So I went back to the general practitioner explaining to him my situation and symptoms, he reinstated the Citalopram at 20mg (this was at the end of August 2019). After taking my first dose I felt fine but taking my 2nd dose all hell broke loose - intense shaking, vomiting, insomnia, hallucinating and migraines. On the 4th day after reinstating I ended up in the ER unable to sit still and focus on anything I probably looked like I was on hard drugs or something, they gave me some Ativan and sent me on my way advising me to cease my current medication and go see a psychiatrist. Off the Citalopram I was still in hell - could not focus or sleep, randomly crying over nothing. Finally I went to my appointment with the psychiatrist 2 weeks later - he prescribed me Effexor XR 75mg which he said will fix all my problems. Again I managed to make it to day 4 before giving up on the medication, it made me 100x worse. Once again I landed in ER with hallucinating, migraines, muscle spasms all over my body and my face muscles “pulling” downward rendering me unable to speak. The ER sent me to a mental health clinic as they could not assist me with my condition. Booking myself into the clinic I waited to see my psychiatrist, he told me to stop taking the Effexor XR and put me on Zoloft (Can’t remember the dosage) but I refused to take the medication as I was MUCH better off before reinstating and I already knew what will happen to me if I have to take another SSRI. Having refused the Zoloft and sending my psychiatrist a lengthy timeline of my symptoms showing that I get VERY sick every time I try another SSRI - So he puts me on 25mg Valdoxan. It does absolutely nothing for me (stopped taking it 2 weeks in as my psychiatrist refused to send me for liver tests) and my symptoms get better as the Effexor leaves my system. This was approximately 6 weeks ago, currently it feels like I am in hell, I am able to work but I am struggling. I had blood work done today and will get the results back on Monday (just to make sure I don’t have some kind of infection/disease/vitamin deficiency - because it literally feels like I am dying). I am seeing a neurologist in late November so they can do some scans of my brain to further make sure nothing is physically wrong with me and when I get the all clear I feel I will be able to hang on for the duration of this terrible terrible experience. I only started to log my symptoms about 3 weeks ago but in those 3 weeks I have experienced: Abdominal Pain Joint Pan Migraines / Headaches Feeling of insects crawling under my skin throughout my entire body Severe fatigue Body trembling (muscle twitches in legs and arms) When holding arms/legs together can feel a quick repeating “pulse” of muscles Pain in hands/wrists muscles feeling “not connected” touching objects feels strange (numb). Nausea / Vomiting Visual problems feels like the brightness in my eyes was turned up to 11 this produces poor night vision Dizziness Pain in neck and head (right side) - behind ear to forehead Pain in thighs Super brain zaps? - lasts hours instead of seconds (worsens with eye movement / sound) - Pressure/Tingling in skull, sensitive to sound I do believe all the above mentioned symptoms seem to align with withdrawal perfectly, but I am still very scared. Not knowing when/if I will get better is true torture. My hope is to get support/advice/hope from this forum that I cannot receive from the medical professionals I have access to (they do not know or seem to care about this very real and very frightening condition) and to help others where I can to the best of my ability.
  6. Hi. Hoping for some advice. Unfortunately I didn't do my research properly before trying to taper off and discontinue citalopram. See signature. I managed to completely cut the citalopram out at the beginning of April this year and ploughed on through the horrible withdrawal, mostly emotional with mood swings. Mood gradually worsened and at the end of May had a massive crash - couldn't stop crying, the world seemed to be a different place, it looked different, and I could no longer function. Terrified the next morning I took a 10 mg pill of citalopram I had left over from last time. Saw the doctor the following Monday who encouraged me to continue with them. By Friday 7 June, my anxiety levels were that high with constant whooshes of panic that I went back to the doctor. He wanted to up the dose to 40mg but I said I was afraid this would lead to more anxiety. Agreed to up to 20 mg and he prescribed a weeks course of 2mg diazepam to help alleviate the panic. Diazepam helps but the underlying anxiety doesn't seem to be settling. Took the 20mg of citalopram this morning, have hardly been able to function all day. I'm at a loss at what to do. Should I stick at it and hope the citalopram will kick in again? Do I reduce right back down to say 5mg? Do I stop completely and ask for another medication to help stabilise me? I suspect nobody knows the answer. Feeling extremely restless when the diazepam wears off - I can't go on like this 😞
  7. Hi all, I've been struggling for 2 months now, completely unable to function and go to work. I had been on citalopram 20 mg for 6 months when I did a 'taper: over the course of about a month which started with skipping some days and then alternating 10 mg with 20 mg days for some of it, going back to just 10 mg for a bit. I had my last pill 12th April and the brain zaps stopped about 3 weeks after that. This coincided with a nasty virus I had, so not sure what symptoms are from what, it's a very blurry period. Now I know that this wasn't the right way to taper but it's too late. I still am extremely fatigued and it took me a while to think that might be due to the WD. I had started thinking that I have developed CFS/ME from the stress. I have started monitoring my HR with a Fitbit and it goes up to 120 if I speak to people or get up or walk. This makes me feel quite unwell so I feel bedridden currently. I find it hard to differentiate between physical and mental symptoms and my health anxiety and insomnia are through the roof. Sound familiar to anyone? I feel so alone. My doctor prescribed 20 mg citalopram again to me and I have taken 10 mg for two days now (this seems stupid, but I don't know how to break the pills into smaller doses...) Any tips for what to do, e.g. a better way to reinstate in this situation? I feel like I'll never be able to go back to work again. Thanks for reading and big hugs! (I don't take any other drugs) ETA: my experience on the drug was extremely positive the first time around, I only stopped because I thought I didn't need it anymore and I was too lazy to get a new prescription....
  8. Matti

    Matti: my intro

    Hello guys, I've been reading this forum now and then for a couple years now. It has given me hope to read about other peoples struggles and realizing that alot of people are going through the same thing. Finally decided to create a profile. My history with psych drugs started in 2007 April after me and my friends got hold of some methamphetamine and I reacted very badly to it(amphetamine psychosis that lasted a few days). Spent a week in a mental hospital and was released with four different meds to take. After being released from hospital I was a mess with severe anxiety, insomnia. I was feeling hopeless and scared to death that I would get another psychotic episode. I finally stabilised somewhat enough that I was able to go to school and continue with my life although I still had a lot of problems. I quit all psych meds in 2011 except citalopram. Ofcourse I tried a fast taper not knowing better and sleeping became impossible. Second time I tried to quit was in late 2013 to early 2014. Again too fast. I got to zero and felt good for a couple months but then was hit with symptoms almost as bad as 2007. I went to the doctor and he put me back on citalopram and also seroquel 25mg at night to help sleep. I got better over time but not as good as before. Over time the seroquel stopped working so I quit taking it propably around 2016. The last few years have been bearable with symptoms coming and going. I dropped my citalopram dose from 30mg to 20mg maybe 2016 end of the year. That didn't feel hard at all. But I made a mistake by dropping to 10mg July 2017. Horrible insomnia again. I kept at that dose for a long time. Somewhat stabilised. Read the tapering info here and decided to try to do it slower. I started tapering around march 2018. About 10% a month, maybe too fast still. I dropped 2.5% every week to make the drops smaller. Did a hold at 3mg during the winter 2018-2019 following advice from my psychiatrist. I got down to 1.52mg just last week. Then I ran into problems. I had worked way too much during the summer and found myself unable to relax or get enough sleep. Even though I had week off from work. Last thursday I was hit with bad anxiety. Couldn't get sleep on sunday night, took 25mg left over seroquel hoping it would help but it just made me worse. I had to call in sick in the morning. Went to a GP and she gave me a recipe for zopiclone which I used in the past for insomnia. She didn't push me to get back on high dose of citalopram, which was surprising to me. I told her about my tapering process and she was a bit confused haha. The last couple nights I've been able to sleep and the anxiety has gone down a bit. Im on sick leave this week. My anxiety was so high that I decided, maybe foolishly, to reinstate at 5mg. I've been on this dose now for three days and I started to wander if this is a too big rise in the dosage, maybe it would be better to take 3mg instead. Im at a loss as to what I should do now. Continue at 5mg, maybe drop down to 3mg? What do you guys think? Much love from Finland, Matti
  9. Hey everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself and let you all in on my journey and discontinuation of antidepressants. I am 28 years old and just ended an 11 year relationship with AD's. There was so much shame I felt being on these drugs. I felt like I was this great person because of the pills I was taking and nothing more. I wouldn't dare tell a soul I was taking antidepressants for fear that they would then see the pill and not me. Make sense? I said goodbye to Sertraline in November 2017. After completing yoga teacher training and having this new perspective of myself and my life, I started to actually feel the chemicals that weren't meant to be in my body. I had tried tapering off of Sertraline 3 times prior to the last over the past few years. The previous tries I would make it about a month or two before surrendering back to the pills to make myself feel better if I started feeling sad or uneasy. This time was different. VERY different. This time I started with intense research. I wanted to discontinue the dosage but this time was for real; I would do my homework and get off of these things once and for all. And what I found first broke my heart, made me angry and then gave me hope. The anger is still present when I try to find a reason 'why' people are enslaved to these prescription drugs. The research I found led me to this site, and I continue to research the effects and harms that these medications actually do to people, unbeknownst to them. The cause of our sadness is residual, stagnant energy trapped in our bodies from a traumatic event or life experience that changed our perspective of what is. When we take these medications, we are never actually dealing with the source of our problems, rather than masking it over with a clouded perception of reality. I used to love my prescriptions. Even after I would attempt to quit, that love would return after I felt 'better' taking them again. I was prescribed my first antidepressant when I was 16. I was missing a lot of school because I slept in too late. I just loved my sleep. Eventually, I was sent to the PCP to see what could be done about this sleeping problem.. Well, her answer was Citalopram (Celexa). This was the beginning of a battle I never wanted to be involved with but here I am. And P.S. the sleeping issue was not resolved in any way thereafter. To keep it short, I will just give you a brief history of how my dance with prescription drugs evolved after that: 2006 Celexa (Citalopram) 40 mg & Adderall XR 75 mg (a lot of the times more because I was heavily addicted) 2007 Citalopram & Ritalin (don't remember mg) .. soon after Vyvanse (don't remember mg) and finally to Amphetamine Salts due to unpleasant side effects from the Ritalin & Vyvanse.. ** indicates time period where Amphetamine Salts were prescribed 2008 ** Citalopram 40 mg-> Effexor XR 75 mg after a psychiatric evaluation (which I now understand was due to the medications and the effect they had on me mentally ... psh) 2009** Effexor XR 75 mg - Paxil (Paroxetine) 30 mg due to the INSANELY high cost of Effexor without insurance I was forced to wean myself off and switch 2010** Paxil 30 mg-> Sertraline 50 mg due to weight gain and lethargy 2011-2013 Sertraline 50 mg -> Wellbutrin (Bupropion Hcl) 75 mg due to sexual side effects and wanting to feel alive again 2013-2017 Wellbutrin 75 mg -> Back to Zoloft (Sertraline) 75 mg because the anxious side effects of the Wellbutrin made me uneasy and Sertraline seemed to be the only AD that had the least side effects at the time 2017 Sertraline 75 mg -> slow taper to 50 MG for two weeks -> halving the dosage & following this pattern until there was nothing -> 5 HTP 50 mg & 1200 mg Fish Oil NOW = 1200 mg Fish Oil and becoming accustomed to an Ayurvedic diet along with daily yoga practice**** this is HUGE and one of the main reasons I have remained clean from AD's Now, almost two months clean from prescription drugs I can say that there is still lots of work to be done. When you go through your teenage years and early twenties on AD's, you need to relearn how to interact and react as there is no longer that pill keeping you numb. Everything becomes real and raw. There are still days that I have my emotions consume my entire being in a negative way and I am still working on this. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. As of right now, it seems as though I am taking off from where I left off at 16 years old. This means emotionally and re actively along with maturity and sexuality. As many of you can relate, I could go on with this topic and how it has effected my entire life for ever and ever. There will be more posts that follow in regards to these drugs and how we can help each other become clean and free once again as we were made to be. Love and blessings to you all <3 we CAN do this..we are all in this together! LB Anti-depressants controlling tools of your system Making life more tolerable, making life more tolerable. The Unthinking Majority - Serj Tankian
  10. I feel low & numb & anxious & stuck in my own head & struggling with intrusive sucidal thoughts. I first started panic attacks through a couple hangovers didn't no much about them which they were scary, went to doctors to ask advice straight away given citalopram told to take once a day did so for a few weeks till I realised I didn't want to be on these and they were antidepressants, then the trouble started panic attacks everyday so went back to doc & given sertaline tried for less than a week and symptoms was to bad stopped then went back to doc & given citalopram liquid tried for couple weeks had like a high effect which wasn't good & finally given mirtazapine was on it for over a month with really bad lows and symptoms at first then started to ease but I still didn't want to be on a mind altering drugs! So I got told to just stop. Now from July 10th 2018 that's when all the issues have started been a rocky road ups & downs but I'm sat here thinking what's the next steps as I feel low and numb and sucidal thoughts all the time shall I go back to the drugs or ??? Struggling with no sleep Sucidal thoughts Anxiousness Low mood Snappyniess No interests in life
  11. Hello, I am a mom who is helping her 16 year old son (under the guidance of his psychiatrist) to taper off psychotropic medications. He has a complex medical history with cancer and narcolepsy and mood issues. I am not sure what, if anything, his current meds are doing for him given how long he has been on them and how much he has changed in that time. He is currently doing very well and is in full agreement on trying to reduce/stop the medications. After 2 previous disastrous attempts to taper him off Risperal in the past (done in the traditional, much too fast way), I was able to help him taper off Risperdal this past year. He started at a dose of 1 mg (taken as .5 mg morning and evening) in June of 2017. As outlined on this site, I reduced him monthly by 10% of the current dose for around the first 7 months and then was then able to speed up the time between reductions (because my son was doing very well and asked me to speed it up!). He has now been off Risperdal for 5 months, doing well, and I would like to try and taper him off Celexa. His psychiatrist is in agreement with tapering him off. Although the psychiatrist (a brand new once as my son's old psychiatrist left his practice this summer) had never heard of the 10% reduction method, he is supportive and wrote a prescription for liquid Celexa so that I can give him a combination of pill and liquid during the taper. I have the liquid and I can start at any time, but I am feeling very nervous! I thought it might help to discuss my plan here. I also have a few questions. My plan is to, as I did with the Risperdal and is recommended here, reduce the dose by 10% of the previous dose. I have the 10 mg/5 ml Celexa solution and 10 mg tablets. My son's current dose is 30 mg, so he takes three 10 mg tables each morning. Here is my reduction schedule for the first few months, starting with his current dose of Celexa, and the combination of tablet and liquid I will give him 30 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 5 ml liquid (this is his current dose - just to be extra cautious I will give him a few days at this dose because of the change to a combination of liquid and pill) 27 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 3.5 ml liquid (I will have him stay at this dose for 1 month provided everything is going well) 24.3 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 2.15 ml liquid (again, 1 month at this dose) My first question has to do with how precise to be with rounding off dosage amounts. I have a 5 ml and a 1 ml syringe. The 1 ml syringe is divided into hundredths, so I can get precise, but do I need to? I did with the Risperdal taper, but I started at 1 mg, so I needed to. For example, the third reduction, rounded to the nearest hundredth of a mg, is a dose of 21.87 mg. So, for this reduction I could give him two 10 mg tablets and .94 ml of the liquid. Or, I could round up to 22 mg and give him the two tablets and 1 ml of liquid. Any thoughts on precision of rounding would be appreciated! My second question is what would be a good drink to mix the liquid Celexa into. I put the Risperdal into a very small amount of milk. I am thinking of using milk again. Thank you!
  12. Hello everyone, I am another who was previously at another forum which has closed down. I'm very grateful that there is another good AD forum as I really don't want to be doing this alone. I already know a lot of other members here. My history in summary: 2001 Had a baby, a few days later got hit with severe anxiety and insomnia, diagnosed with post partum distress, anxiety, and hyperventilation syndrome. A psychiatrist prescribed Aropax (paroxetine), Mellaril (thioridazine - an anti-psychotic used as an anxiolytic at lower doses to cover the SSRI start-up) and zopiclone for sleep short-term. Stayed on Aropax for about six months then tapered off over a couple of months, with just a few mild withdrawal symptoms. 2003 Had second baby, repeat of above process but with Cipramil(citalopram) and midazolam for sleep. 2004 Had just got off citalopram when a very stressful situation occurred at my workplace (company was bought by two other companies and split, our part then integrated with one of the two buying companies). Spent a huge amount of energy and effort job-hunting and not coping well with the situation. Eight months of unrelenting stress later had a breakdown, similar symptoms to before, decided to go back on Aropax since it had worked well before (stupid, stupid). 2005-2006 Work situation still stressful, kept trying to taper dose down but couldn't cope below 10mg. 2007 Crashed at around 5mg, straight back to 20mg. A few months later searched the internet and found information about slow tapering. Began a slow taper which went well initially. 2008 Crashed around April after dropping from 5mg to 4.5mg. Went straight back to 5mg which didn't help. Went through a couple of months of pure hell (stupidly did not updose). Couldn't sleep, eat or keep still. Off-the-scale akathisia, didn't sleep for a whole week, couldn't keep anything down, spent my days and nights pacing around until my feet hurt and I couldn't even wear shoes. Began relaxation exercises which calmed things down enough to struggle through for a while but unable to work to support my family. Lots of pressure to get back to work. Updosed back to 10mg in June and 20mg in July. GP prescribed zopiclone for sleep, then psychiatrist prescribed Seroquel to switch over to from the zopiclone. Nasty drug, gave me big muscle twitches in my legs. Restabilised by October, tapered off Seroquel fairly quickly. Began tapering paroxetine again in December. 2009-2014 Tapered at a glacial pace, some years hardly dropped at all due to instability for months. Eventually was doing only 0.1mg drops and for a while 0.05mg drops which sound so tiny as to be ridiculous but I felt every drop. Was afraid of crashing again at 4.5mg but got through it and am now down to 3.45mg. Last drop was 0.15mg instead of 0.1mg as drops seem to be getting a little easier recently. Still very afraid of crashing. In 2011 decided I had to get out of my stressful job/career, felt like I would never get off meds as long as I stayed. The lower my dose got the more toxic the environment felt. I think the meds had helped me stay in the job by numbing me out somewhat. April 2011 was offered and took paid redundancy, 2012 back to uni to retrain as teacher, 2013-2014 unsuccessful job hunting, bits and pieces of part-time work, feeling mostly happy apart from worry about lack of income. No regrets about tossing old career in spite of not really having a new one. All in all, far too many years of having these meds in my life, rather over the whole thing by now. If you actually read all of this, you deserve a chocolate fish.
  13. Skyroxy

    SkyRoxy

    Hello just found your site. I wanted to discuss a treatment that has helped me with withdrawal symptoms for coming off antidepressants. I am finding having acupuncture very helpful for reducing some of the symptoms. I was on citalpram for 13 years and last year I was signed off sick from work as I had a breakdown. I was working in a mental health unit and was also dealing with a lot of other stressful personal issues. My dosage was put up and I was better for a month last Summer but then noticed I was feeling a lot worse. I was having panic attacks, agitation, terrible mood swings and real emotional distress. I knew something was really wrong. I googled that long term use for anti depressants can stop working so went to my doctor who unfortunately did not know about withdrawal protocals and told me to come off quickly...3 weeks ... That was last October ...thankfully I am better but did not know about any support groups or how I should have come off anti-depressants and now have found out that this too quick withdrawal may have delayed my recovery. It has been a nightmare. I still am struggling some days, feeling fragile and vulnerable. The first six months I was physically sick and agitated . The one thing that has helped me so much is acupuncture which I have found gives me weeks of relief when I feel balanced and calm and 'my old self' . I have returned to my doctor last Friday and told her that she needs to be more informed about how long withdrawal takes, to find out support for patients, to taper off is the safest way for withdrawal and how very upset and let down I feel at how dangerous the situation is with her lack of knowledge. I hope my suggestion may help some people.
  14. Moderator note: link to Waterfall's members-only benzo thread - Waterfall: What dose to try now: Taking Clonazepam on AD withdrawal Wow. I feel nervous. Like I've just stepped out onto a big stage. With big lights. And the crowd beyond the edge, of the lights, of the stage, is all fuzzy and indistinct, sitting out there in the dark. Is this microphone on? I chose Waterfall for my name, because it's one of those things that can be seen from so many different perspectives. A waterfall can be seen as a wonderful thing of beauty. It can also be seen as destructive, a changing force. It can be a small trickle. I can also be a torrent. They can bring life sustaining water, or they can bring a flood. Some of the greatest waterfalls are considered some of natures greatest wonders. But close up they can also be noisy and wet. It's all in how you look at it. And which waterfall you meet. Anyway. Me. Who am I? Well. A waterfall. Pretty in my own way. And also messy. Changed by the floods and droughts of life. I'm also philosophical, apparently. And I talk a lot. Especially when I am nervous. I've struggled with anxiety since I was 5, or so I'm told. It's been there as long as I can remember. The details blur over the years, but I think the first time I also struggled with depression, that I'm aware of, was in my teens. I've always struggled. Always wondered why I felt so broken compared to everyone else. And why everything seemed extra hard for me. I was first prescribed Wellbutrin as a teen. I no longer remember what I told that doctor. Whether it was more about anxiety. Or depression. But I didn't take it. I was next prescribed Prozac when I was pregnant with my first child, at 21. I didn't take it then either. I first actually took something when I was in my twenties, I took Wellbutrin for 6-9 months. I no longer remember exactly. But other than feeling euphoric about doing something, when I first started it, I never noticed any other change. And since I wasn't supposed to take it and be pregnant, I quit, cold turkey, to become pregnant with my second child in 2010. I have always thought that I felt no symptoms after stopping. None. But now I wonder. I started a downturn in my health mid-pregnancy, beginning a sudden flare up of something akin to eczema or atopic dermatitis, in response to a cream that I had previously never reacted to. In the following months, I reacted to just about everything. Ever soap or cream or perfume I touched. I continued to struggle with general feelings of ill health, for the next several years, until I was pregnant with my 4th in 2014. The whole pregnancy was really tough. I had been pregnant three times before, but this... this time was complete misery. I told myself to survive until the baby was born. And he was. And I crashed. Hard. Really hard. I panicked. And couldn't sleep. And couldn't stay calm. And I was weak. And shaky. And so after a bit of trial and error, they put me on Clonazapam and Citalopram near the end of the year. I used the Clonazapam for a few weeks while they slowly upped the Citalopram to 40 mg. And there I stayed. It was still a struggle for quite some time, but I slowly improved. In 2016, I moved. Spring 2017, I felt like I was slipping again. Slowly feeling worse and worse, and afraid, because I was already on drugs, what would I do if I crashed now? So I went to see a different doctor. She started me on Gaba. And a few other supplements to help with sleep and general health. And then, oh, clever me, I stopped citalopram. In June. Cold turkey. Stupid. I know. I don't know anymore what I was thinking. I only remember that I thought it was a really good idea at the time. And it wasn't a planned thing. I'd missed renewing my prescription, so I hadn't taken it for about a week, so I consulted with this new doctor, and asked her if it made sense to just keep not taking it. She agreed. Gave me a prescription anyway, in case I needed some again, or if I couldn't handle it. I never took any. After that I had a decent summer. I thought all was well. I still struggled, but considering that I can't remember not struggling. Ever. I thought on the whole I was doing pretty good. Kept busy, for me anyway. I've never been able to be as busy as most people seem to be. But we went to the beach a few times. Visits to the splash pad. Some quiet days at home. Somewhere in there the new doctor started me on something called MoodRx that apparently has St. John's Wort in it. Apparently couldn't start that until I had been long enough off of the citalopram. Spent the end of the summer getting lots of veggies and berries into the freezer. Started to get a bit stressed about a visit from the in-laws. Turned my house upside-down in anticipation of their visit. And they came. And all was going well. I felt on top of the world. And then. And then I crashed. Hard. Again. Sept 18. I was spending the day with the kids and my in-laws. First I felt a bit off. But I soldiered on. I panicked in the grocery store. Felt super nauseated. But I calmed down again. Struggled off and on throughout the day until school pick-up for the kids off the bus. Then I lost it. Panicked. And couldn't calm down. Felt absolutely horrible. And I've been struggling hard ever since. Sometimes I think I'm starting to feel better. Other times I think I feel worse than ever. When it first happened, I went to the doctor a lot. We stopped the St. John's Wort stuff. Still not sure if I was having a bad reaction to it, or not. I also stopped, over time, taking everything else. At this point, the only thing I'm taking is 0.25mg of citalopram each morning, just to help me to survive. And I'm starting to try to take some vitamins and minerals again, in the hopes that it will help with some of the symptoms. At this point what makes the most sense to me, particularly in light of what I have read on this site, is that I'm suffering from withdrawal from the citalopram that I stopped back in June. And possibly made worse by a reaction to the St. John's Wort. But I really don't know what' going on. I'm scared. And I just wish I knew what was going on, and what the right thing to do was. One of the biggest things I struggle with is the fear and panic. My biggest trigger is health and physical symptoms. If I had read this site first, maybe I'd have done things differently. I like to think I would have. I also periodically have crying binges, where I just can't seem to help crying, and crying, and crying. And I'm not one who normally cries a lot. But once I've cried for a while, it seems to pass again. I've had some of the darkest, most depressed thoughts. About everything being hopeless. And pointless. Sometimes I just get irritable. One of the other major symptoms is a chest pain I have. They've already listened to my heart. Checked my blood pressure. I've had a general blood work-up twice in the last year. Once this past spring, and once last fall. Nothing came up. My iron isn't low. My blood sugar level is fine. My heart enzymes are good. But my chest hurts. This last week, my heart has started a sort of swoony/weird/almost like a flutter but not really kinda feeling. And this morning I woke up with pain in my back and neck and arm and chest. The worst I've had yet. I could barely get up this morning and I almost couldn't turn my neck. Sometimes when I did, it felt like someone was stabbing in my ear, or in my throat or chest bone. I also struggle with lot of numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. And sometimes my muscles all hurt. And sometimes my joints hurt. And I feel weak. And sometimes shaky. And did I mention panicky? And emotional? Sometimes my vision seems a little funny. Or my hearing. But it comes and then goes quickly. And is gone again. I've developed a cough, and I'm scared because I had bronchitis and strep throat 2 or 3 times last year. And that was still on the meds. And how could I forget the heart pounding? Oh, I have lots of heart pounding. Sometimes I do things, and nothing happens. But so often when I stand up. Or go up the stairs. Or wake up in the morning. Or lie down at night, my heart pounds. And pounds. I don'y know what's causing what. I just want to feel better. I've seen several different doctors. I've also seen a couple different therapists. Mostly they say there is nothing at all wrong with me, except in my head. One told me maybe it was lyme disease. Or maybe not. My main doctor wants me back on more drugs. The second lady I saw recently also wanteed me back on citalopram. I tried. I can't. If I take it. Even one 10mg pill, no matter what time of day, I wake up the following morning, early, panicking, and burning/tingling from head to toe. So my main doctor wants me to try another antidepressant. I don't want more drugs, but I'm not sure I can do without them. I just don't know what to do. Today was one of the roughest days yet. I'm in pain, and I'm panicky, and depressed and it all feels so hopeless. Since 2014, when I saw someone who gave me, for the first time, a diagnosis, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and prescription, after which I improved, my husband now believes that's the answer. My brain is broken, and I need drugs. Don't I see it? That's the only answer. So he's always pushing me to take more drugs. Take more of the clonazapam. Go back on citalopram. Get a new prescription. Just take something already! But I don't want to. Most days i can make it through with only the one Clonzapam. And that's it. But I am having a tough time. I've tried different diet options. I've tired a few different supplements. I just don't know what else to do. I don't know who's ideology to follow. So like I said. Right now, I'm taking 0.25mg Clonazapam every morning. Just to survive the day. And I don't eat dairy, or use any perfume, in order to keep the reactions in my skin to a minimum. I'm trying to take a multivitamin , plus vitamin D, a vitamin B complex, and a multi mineral. I'm most afraid of this chest/neck/back/arm pain right now. I could really use some encouragement and some help deciding which course of action to take. I've done some reading on here already and found some helpful stuff. I'm just wondering what people might have to say that's specific to my case. Feel free to point out specific threads on here that people have already written that may be helpful. And in advance, thank you. Whatever you have to offer, thank you. It's been really tough, and I can use every little bit of help I can get. And to all of you who have struggled and are struggling, I wish you all the best. I wish you health and strength. Some of you are amazing, what you've been through, or are going through, and still making it through the day, I applaud you. Some of the stuff you've dealt with sounds so much worse than what I'm dealing with. I only wish I could be half as tough as some of you are. Keep on keeping on.
  15. I just want to say its reassuring to read that i'm not the only one who is finding long term withdrawal difficult. I've been off citalopram for 7 months and everyone keeps saying the drug is out of my system and its just my issues that i'm experiencing. I feel like i've tried everything but it doesn't seem to ease. Meditation has helped keep me calm but its the confusion and unconnected feeling all the time that pisses me off Just like everyone who posts on this site i'm hoping it doesn't last much longer
  16. Hi everyone. I've been reading this site for the past few months ever since I gratefully stumbled upon it and finally made an account. In early 2018 I successfully tapered from 30mg citalopram down to 20mg by cutting a 10mg tablet. I went down about 2.5mg/month. I tried a couple of times to go down to 17.5mg but the symptoms were intense and I realized it was too difficult to get a consistent amount with cutting the tablets so I decided to stick with 20mg until I found a more consistent way to taper. I read about the dissolve method working successfully on a post on this site and decided that would be my route. I bought some 10cc syringes with .2mL gradations. Last night I tried my first dose at an 8% taper - 18.4mg. I'm feeling worse than i'd expected/hoped considering it was such a small difference, but I have historically had a rather sensitive system. I'm starting to question whether I'm really meant to go down, if this is a sign I should keep my current dose. My life certainly isn't in a particularly solid place (though it's relatively stable). But I know it will only become more difficult the longer I'm on it, and I've seen only marginal if any benefit from taking it. Looking to document my process and experience here and contribute to this supportive community as well as find guidance about how to approach my own path.
  17. Hi all, Long story short. Was anorexic last year until Christmas, starting recovering from that/weight restoring in January 2016. One of the ED therapists I worked with told me anxiety peaks once weight it restored, which happened (although didn't learn this until recently) - end of April 2016 I went into psychiatric hold because the anxiety was making me suicidal. Big mistake. Doc there put me on 20mg of Citalopram. For the next month I did therapy which along with an occasional Benzo resolved the anxiety. By May the Citalopram kicked in, with all its side effects. Extreme nausea, dry heaving, insomnia, weight gain, hunger cues messed up (already were from anorexia, but worsened), acne, gynecomastia, swollen fingers, fatigue - so bad (daily nausea was excrutiating) I nearly killed myself at the end of June. But I finally found a good doc, who through the next month of tests, determined it was the meds. Began tapering first day in August, 20 mg to 15 mg. Took a supp called Serosyn with 5HTP, L-theanine, and B vitamins. Withdrawal consisted of chapped lips in in the first week, increased hunger (I could be full but my brain still screamed to eat), fatigue (different form than when on 20 mg), wired feeling and weight gain. Leveled off a bit after 3 weeks, although I should have stayed there longer (but I didn't because the effects of 20 mg have been so bad that I've been trying to get off asap). 2 and a half weeks ago went down to 10 mg. Like before, chapped lips in the first week, wired feeling persisting, continued weight gain, and insatiable hunger. As before the lips are healing, but the hunger is still messed up (early fullness, insatiable hunger). Tired still, waking up hungry even after eating a lot at night. Haven't exercised in 8 months - first b/c of anorexia recovery, by now b/c exercise messes up my hunger cues/I cannot seem to physically eat enough. Worried I've been too aggressive with the taper, and that I'm doing irreparable damage to my nervous system. I wonder if I should reinstate 15 mg (scared it won't help/cause more complications) and start a slower taper? Seriously scared reinstating will mess things up even more, but equally scared that I've dropped too fast and have messed up my nervous system irreparably (and that my hunger cues/weight, which have been messed since starting anorexia recovery, are doomed for life). tl;dr: 20 mg citalopram was full of terrible side effects, dropped to 15 and then to 10 pretty quickly, and paying the price; wondering if I should wait it out for another week to see if anything improves like the 20-15 drop, or reinstate 15 and go slower from there (also scared I'm ruined for the rest of my life, I've had to quit a lot of things because of this damn med). On the bright side, gynecomastia, acne, and such are improving as expected. But this messed up hunger is getting at me (as is the weight gain and general crap feeling that I've had ever since starting this med).
  18. One year ago I completed what I now know to have been a too rapid taper off Citalopram, going from 20mg on 2nd Jan 2018 to 0.1mg on 23rd April 2018 by successively halving the doses. A year on and my condition has been steadily deteriorating. I’ve read about the Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization, but over the last year I seem to have been caught in an ever deepening wave with little to no relief. I’d been taking 20mg of Escitalopram for major depression since 2003. In 2014 my doctor changed my prescription to 20mg Citalopram as a result of an NHS cost cutting measure that required patients on Escitalopram (which, at the time, was still under patent) to be swapped to Citalopram. I found the Citalopram caused significantly more side effects than the Escitalopram and then, in November 2017, I went into tachyphylaxis and started suffering discontinuation symptoms. My doctor changed my prescription to 30mg Mirtazapine and a short course of 3.75mg Zopiclone since I was barely sleeping. I was told to go from taking the full dose of Citalopram to nothing for two days and then start the full dose of Mirtazapine. I couldn’t stand the Zopiclone: it heavily sedated me and the effect lasted through most of the next day. Going cold turkey with the Citalopram, even if only for two days, magnified the discontinuation symptoms so I went back to my previous 20mg dose: when I told my doctor about this her response was simply: “How do you expect me to help you if you won’t co-operate with me?” So I did, and the result was terrible. I stopped the Citalopram, waited two days and then, over the next four days, managed to take four doses of Mirtazapine. Each successive dose made the electric shocks / brain zaps I was experiencing as a result of the Citalopram discontinuation worse, and the more active I was the more intense they became. After the fourth dose they were happening multiple times a second and there was no way to get any relief. This was accompanied by what I can only describe as a murderous rage, totally at odds with my normal self: I don’t know how I managed to contain it, but I was able to hold it down long enough to call my brother for help. He told me afterwards that he was deeply shocked by the state I was in when he arrived, and he was on the verge of calling an ambulance to get me into hospital. I eventually managed to calm down enough that he thought it safe to leave me overnight. The following day I saw my doctor again. When I told her what had happened and described the rage I’d been feeling her response, in the most patronising and contemptuous voice imaginable, was “Well, we’ll just have to give you something to calm you down then, won’t we”. I told her that I wasn’t willing to take any more drugs and that I wanted to come off the Citalopram. This wasn’t remotely well received, but I was eventually given a prescription for liquid Citalopram with the comment it would let me take as long as I wanted to come off it. It was also made very clear that this was the limit of the help I was going to get. The liquid Citalopram had a life of four months once opened so I had a limited time to complete the taper. Back in 2001, at the suggestion of a doctor at my local hospital, I’d come off Paroxetine by successively halving the dose over a period of about two months. This had been unpleasant but had worked. I decided to taper off in the same way and get the dose as low as possible before stopping. The actual taper wasn’t too bad: each successive decrease would leave me with the usual electric shock symptoms, digestive problems and headaches, but these generally didn’t last more than a week or so. I was typically reducing the dose every other week as a result, apart from one bad spell at around 0.5mg where the symptoms went on for about a fortnight. After I stopped completely everything initially seemed fine. Then I started to notice I was having strange dizzy spells: no vertigo, I was just oddly off-balance. This got progressively worse. I used to ride a motorbike a lot, but the dizziness compromised my abilities so seriously I had to give it up. It also made driving a car any distance very unpleasant. In early August 2018 I experienced my first wave: all the symptoms I’d associated with the discontinuation returned and I also started to feel permanently cold. August was a very warm month, but I remember one day when the temperature was 86 Fahrenheit and I was so cold I had goosebumps and couldn’t stop shivering. September saw me waking up the moment it started to get light with terrible feelings of panic. By late November I was virtually housebound; the dizziness was so bad that I couldn’t walk without a stick to help me keep my balance. It was around this time that I found this site and started to understand exactly what was happening. I tried the two suggestions of magnesium and fish oil to no discernable effect, but blacking out my bedroom window and taking vitamin C helped reduce the early morning anxiety. In January 2019 there was a brief respite where the dizziness lessened to the point that I could walk without a stick, and that particular aspect seems to have held. But in February everything took a severe downward turn. The headaches reached a level where I couldn’t bear any light or sound and were very migraine-like, often concentrated behind one eye. The morning anxiety became more intense. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and became unable to work - a real problem since I’m a self-employed software developer. Then my emotions went haywire: I’d have bouts of completely irrational grief where I’d cry for hours. I’d become seriously angry for no reason and blindly latch on to something - anything - no matter how minor - as the cause and act in a terrible way towards anyone I associated with the problem. And I started to get very tired very easily: even a short walk would leave me incrediby tired for days afterwards. Two months later and this just hasn’t let up. I have virtually no support and am really not sure what to do. Other than the brief period in January where the dizziness lessened, I seem to be stuck in an ever deepening wave with the symptoms continually getting worse. Is this likely so far out from a too quick taper? I absolutely don’t want to go back to my wretched doctor - or any other doctor - because I’m now deeply afraid of any form of psychiatric medication, but I’m starting to feel like I can’t cope any more and have no other option.
  19. Hi to everybody, I just signed up to the forum to contribute and to get support for my issues. The "Intro" part: I always considered myself a very "stable" person, psychological issues were for others, not for me. I have seen quite some people in my environment struggle with that (siblings, colleagues), I tried to be understanding and helpful - but I never thought that something similar could affect me. That changed when I voluntarily changed my job last year, from an employee working more than a decade for a big company to a self employed consultant. Unluckily I did not have the time to take a break in between my jobs, so I left my old office and started the training and preparations for the new job right away. Everything went well for the first couple of months but it was extremely stressful. My sleep quality degraded more and more, I was unable to relax and by end of October 2018 I had the first breakdown in my life. I could not stop ruminating, endless negative thoughts, no sleep, no future ... I started taking St. John's Wort and it became somewhat better within 2-3 weeks. But then I experienced a panic attack, likely caused by the AD. So I reduced the medication within 2 weeks and stopped taking anything. All in all I was on the med/herb extract for maybe 7 weeks including the fast taper. I felt really OK afterwards, but for maybe 2 weeks only ... then the combination of bad sleep (early morning awakening) and low mood became worse and worse again. The mornings were unbearable ... in the evenings I sometimes felt 100% normal. So beginning of this year I made an appointment with my GP and was put on mirtazapine (30 mg/d) for sleep and citalopram (10 mg/d, later increased to 20 mg/d) to treat the depression + one shot of a neuroleptic substance for instant relief. I improved a bit, but the symptoms never disappeared. I managed to work a bit and keep my business alive, but not enough to really get the business going. And after some weeks I panicked again. That seems to be a pattern for me: After two/three weeks with a (new) AD, something strange happens ... the web search led to the term "acivation syndrome" and I kept taking the meds. Since February this year I am visiting a therapist for talk therapy which helps quite of lot. We went through some issues during my childhood and I was diagnosed as a "hypersensitive person" (HSP). At first I was a bit reluctant to accept that, but it explains a lot of behaviors and issues I had in the past. As HSPs may also be more sensitive to drugs (I can kill nearly every pain with 100 mg of Ibuprofene ...) and the side effects of the ADs were really bothersome I reduced them by half and continued to reduce them stepwise ever since. In comparison to the recommendations here in the forum rather fast, far beyond the 10% / month ... I was not yet aware of how slow some people have to taper. So finally my question: How do you distinguish between AD side effects / WD symptoms and recurrence of the depression? My last reduction step of mirtazapine (5mg -> 3.75 mg/d) was 16 days ago and the morning lows are pretty bad right now. Sleep is OK, but I am also very tired throughout the day, not much energy to do anything. The citalopram I currently keep at 5mg/d. In the past as soon as I got better I did the next step to reduce the side effects of the ADs ... probably way too fast. On the other hand I only took them for a couple of months. Now my plan is to stabilize on the current dosage but when my mood is low I really have a hard time to resist the urge to change my meds (up or down) ... just want to try out something to make it better instead of just waiting .... Any ideas are highly appreciated ... thanks!
  20. I have been here before. I had my first manic episode after a steroid psychosis while withdrawing from Zoloft. After going off meds I had one again about a year later. I was medicated but always following an episode comes a great depression, a great worry about life and a disappearance of personality. Has anyone experienced this? I was manic and had to be medicated. I have a energy healer that works with me and says for now I must be on them. Its the path. I am totally unstable. But I would love some support from others that have gone through this pattern. I feel so alone.
  21. Hi everyone I really desperately need advice. I started 20mg of citalopram in April 2011 for situational depression. I didn't notice side effects except I completely lost the ability to cry for years. I had no idea it was drug related. I did gain some weight but other than that thought I was fine. In April of this year 2018 I decided I wanted to be off drugs. I talked to my gp and he recommended a taper that I followed. It only took about one month. I have felt like I've been in mental hell ever since. It wasn't until today that I even knew it could be withdrawal and it is thanks to this site. I have had extreme obsessions, panic attacks, bouts of rage, uncontrollable crying, suicidal ideation and what feels like a complete change in personality. I saw a psychiatrist in November 2018 because I thought I needed one. She heard my symptoms, diagnosed me with OCD, major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. She re prescribed 20mg citalopram. Almost immediately after reinstatement I had such intense heart palpitations I almost called 911, excessive sweating and severe insomnia. After 4 days I stopped the drugs. I feel trapped in a mental prison with no escape. I have no idea if I should continue drugs or suffer this withdrawal. I need help I can barely function.
  22. I lost the ability to sleep 4 years ago... about 3 or 4 months into reinstatment of SSRI after withdrawal started at discontinuation of Lexapro. my sleep got worse over a period of 2 days and on the 3rd day i could not sleep at all... and that is how it has remained for 4 years so far. This is not something that I I'd want people here to debate or doubt, 4 years has been enough for me to find out that I totally cannot sleep anymore or fall asleep no matter how tired I am. When I get too exhausted from lack of sleep, and try to sleep, i go into a state of half sleep, which gives me absolutely no rest but just makes me more tired and hurts me more, and i dont remain in that state long either. i tried herbs of all kinds, suppliments, and benadryl... all of them, even if taken together do absolutley nothing to improve my sleep even a tiny bit. I have been taking 1mg of risperdal and that has been giving me sleep these past 4 years. Without risperdal i cannot get rest for a second. Risperdal makes me sleepy enough that I fall asleep and can wake up rested, although the quality of sleep is not deep like it used to be before withdrawal. nevertheless, i'm happy that at least I dont wake up tired or hurting. i did a taper from celexa, and got down to 3.6mg, and my sleep did not improve one bit. Then i crashed, and my sleep still did not improve. Im scared that I wont be able to sleep for the rest of my life and will have to remain on risperdal. I dont like risperdal, but i dont know any long term sleep drugs. maybe my sleep will return if i get off of the ssri completely? i hope so, but there is a big problem of getting of the ssri. for now I am tapering now at 1mg every 6 weeks. i was at 30, im at 28 currently. i dont even think about getting off the celexa... i've had 3 failed tapers although they were all quick, but it convinced me that getting off is impossible for me. i will taper as low as i can, not expecting much. I've heard poeple mention paradoxical effects. what is that? is that what i had that made me lose sleep? anyone got ideas why my sleep totaly dissapeared or what could have caused this brain damage?
  23. Hello, I am 55 and was on 20mg Citalopram for 12 years and began to think this is not working for me its holding me back , I knew this medication was hindering me but I continued to take it silly me so 125 days ago I stopped taking it cold turkey after a few days my mind got clear and my sex drive came back I was happy to feel normal again last time I felt that good was before the meds then bang withdrawals so I called the NHS24 and they said go back on my meds as it was that so I was shocked that this could happen as I had no idea about taper at that time so I went on 10mg for 1 month then 5mg for 5 day then stopped I know it was bad to do but I had no clue about tapering or withdrawal, all through the time taking the 10mg and 5mg I was in withdrawal , what I am left with is the central nervous system symptoms distant from life my head like there is acid running through it short term memory and insomnia is bad ,blurred vision hot dry feeling when I breathe brain needs cold oil etc tinnitus sinus twitches , I would like to add after stopping the meds I have not been anxious or depressed at all I have nothing to worry about as I know its another part of the brain that is a mess sorry for this being long winded I have little education my work has been with my hands , anyway sorry once again, I do not know to ride this storm out or reinstate to a small dose, my thinking is I did a mad thing abruptly stopping and my brain was shocked do I need to reinstate for my brain to calm down then taper, I know you might not have the answer and I am not holding anyone to account but you all here is professionals compared to my doctor this past few days I have had a window and a happy tickle in my belly along with my head feeling part of life but today its back to wave , I could ride it out but say next year I might say to myself I should have reinstated what if !! any questions no problem I have learned to open up with physical mental and sexual abuse in the past so any advice is welcomed regards Colin.
  24. Hi everyone! I've been reading this forum for months and it has helped me immensely. I've been drug free for 6 months. Have had many WD symptoms that have come and gone, but the past few days have been awful. Headaches (brain pain is more accurate though) and brain shivers (very strange feeling, not sure how else to describe it), memory is all of a sudden awful, feel like I can't gather a thought in my head, feels like I won't be able to even remember my name, can't focus on anything for any length of time, brain humming sound at night (although this isn't new). I haven't felt this bad since I stopped. Has anyone else experienced this? Do things get worse before they get better? I thought that 6 months out the waves of WD would be easier than the previous months? I'm taking Vit D, Omega 3 fish oil, Vit C (just stopped to see if it was affecting my headaches etc). Thank you for creating this forum! I'm so grateful it exists and for any support. Trying to stay hopeful, but these past fews days have been challenging.
  25. BlueLeader

    ☼ BlueLeader: PSSD

    Hello all I have been a lurker on this site and PP for the past year. I quit my Celexa 40 MG in Feb 2014 after developing severe sexual dysfunction after being on the medication for 5 months. Previously I had been on the meds for six years prior and never had one bad side effect. Go figure I was on medication for almost 7 years (2006-2013), mostly due to issues I was still dealing with in my 20s. I continue to struggle with PSSD and hope to one day recover. This has been one of the hardest years of my life, going through Celexa withdrawal along with the PSSD, and the depression resulting from having your sexual identity taken away from you. I am glad to be here, hope to get some good information from those here, and help where I can.
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