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  1. Hi everyone, first post on here so will try not to jabber too much. I'm a 40 year old guy and have been on ADs twice in my life. I first took SSRIs when I was prescribed 20mg Fluoxetine for work-related depression around 15 years back. For about a year they seemed to work (in some way I relied on them after I got through the depressive phase) but gradually I felt more and more 'robotic', agitated and detached. And my sex drive went down the pan...lost all interest. In fact, lost all interest in everything. All felt grey. So, after two years on them, stupid me went cold turkey, expecting to return to normality fairly quickly. But it was not so. The disinterest got much worse. I stayed with the CT and it took a good 2yrs for 'me' to come back...though the libido never really did but in 2010 seemed to be showing signs of life again... ...UNTIL I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and was put on 10mg Citalopram back in October 2011. I was told I'd need to stay on the meds as I'd been on them before. I wasn't depressed at the time but blindly went along with the doc as the allergic reaction had shaken me up pretty bad. Initially, I felt mildly euphoric and life felt easy, I felt coolly un-anxious. But I couldn't ejaculate during sex, no matter what. And it got worse, to the point where I felt totally sexless, my desire just vanished in the worst way possible. And I started having crazy moodswings. So the doc switched me to Fluoxetine 20mg, after about a year on the Cit. No change. Dead libido, moodswings got even worse, pacing and inexplicable bursts of anger...so guess what? Cold turkeyed them again. Late 2013, about 4 weeks of big WDs, constant brain zaps and 'delayed vision', followed by huge bouts of anhedonia/apathy that still persist. And THE worst PSSD. No arousal, thrill, just this deadness in the pleasure centres of the brain. I can still love and see attractiveness but that 'engine' is...gone? It's horrendous, feel like half a man, like I'm out in the cold looking in all the time. Had tests, all showed fine but in a really good relationship right now that I fear is gonna suffer down the line. It'd kill me because we're so close and loving but I'm...inconsequential. 8 months and we just don't do it. Don't wanna lose her, we're truly soulmates. Want that connection back. That 'spark' in the brain...not there. For anyone or anything. Hurts so bad. I...just feel unsexual and I can't get my head around it. Nightmare. Am I totally messed up now, any hope, anything I can do? Tried ED drugs, various herbs, "He's dead, Jim". What a pickle.
  2. Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - LaughingKat: Switch from Ativan to Klonopin Hello, everyone, and thank you for being here. Here's my story: In July 2017 I started a severe bout of anxiety, mostly health-related, that I never entirely got over, although I'm not having daily panic attacks anymore. I worked on it with talk therapy, which I continue, but in January 2018, I decided I needed pharmaceutical help and saw a psychiatrist who prescribed 10 mg of Celexa daily as well as Ativan as needed. Something similar had happened to me 20 years before, so I knew to be cautious about how much Ativan I took. The Celexa did help take the edge off my anxiety but the sexual side effects depressed me. In November 2018, having made some progress in therapy, I decided they were unacceptable and decreased the dose to 5 mg. I didn't consult the psychiatrist but I figured that since Celexa wasn't addictive like Ativan, it wouldn't matter. (Haha.) Actually I didn't feel any withdrawal effects until March 2019, which puzzles me. I started having ferocious headaches and intense neck and jaw tension, along with little painful "sparks" in my eyes every once in a while. I have never been a headachey person and I'd never felt anything like this before. They feel like electric knives going into my scalp. I thought it was just tension (my daughter had been in an auto accident and I was taking care of her while she recovered from injuries) but in early April 2019 I called the psychiatrist and told him about the headaches. He said the headaches were "likely" from the Celexa and since I was on "a baby dose" at that point I should stop taking them. It's been a month and I still have the headaches, neck and jaw tension, eye pain. Not every day but most days. At this point the psychiatrist says just don't worry about the headaches, they're not important or major. But they feel major to me! Sometimes I take ibuprofen and that helps. But I resist taking it. I've had up to 5 days without headaches and then when they come back I'm heartbroken and scared. But I'm grateful to have learned here on this site that SSRI withdrawal isn't always a straight line. Can anyone reassure me further, especially about the weird timeline of the headaches? Why did they start three months after I decreased the Celexa dose? And why do they continue a month after I stopped entirely? Has someone had a similar experience, similar symptoms with Celexa? I know several things in my story go against the good advice on this site. But I do not want to go back to taking Celexa, even a small dose. I vowed to myself I would never take a ssri again unless I was prepared to take it for the rest of my life. Thanks for listening.
  3. After successfully being on 20mg citaloprom having become depressed after the sudden death of my mother for about 8 years it pooped out sending me into dizziness,panic attacks etc for a couple of weeks then I felt fine. That was about 2 years ago. Three months later developed rash on face and diarrhoea, sleep disturbances, cramps and bruising on arms. Put on different drugs by gp none of which got rid of these symptoms then gp decided it was probably anxiety so prescribed ssri's again. Each one he tried me on I had dreadful reactions to. Sent to a psychiatrist who prescribed cipralex in drop form to build up slowly and then my hell for the past two and a half years started. From the onset of taking the drug increasing by one drop every third day I would have 24 hour panic/anxiety no appetite nausea fatigue. This went on for about three months and then what I now know as a window appeared for about a week only to plunge straight down again. That is how my life has been until last summer my gp told me I needed to see a psychologist as still suffering badly. Rang my psychiatrist to ask him and he said he felt my problems were not in the head but probably systemic so to see an endocrinologist. After various tests for adrenal thyroid etc he said all fine but felt steroid inhaler I had been on for about 4 years could be causing problems. Looked up side effects of inhaler and yes skin rash anxiety etc all matched. September last year came off the rash, cramps etc all disappeared and even put on a few of the 10 pounds weight I had lost since this started. Felt fine for a couple of weeks then crash back into another wave and that is how it has been ever since with severe waves of anxiety, loss of appetite, nausea, extreme fatigue. Then paid privately to see a gp in the hope he would help. His decision was the cipralex was aggravating me and to stop the eight drops a day immediately. I dropped a drop every two days and felt brilliant for five weeks apart from the brain zaps, nightmares,insomnia, dizziness then back came the raging anxiety, extreme fatigue, panic, nausea, loss of appetite. I have given in this morning and taken two drops of cipralex I don't know if I have done a stupid thing or not, whether it is too little or I should have just suffered for longer. Since this first started I seem incapable of taking any drugs or antibiotics without severe reaction Can anyone help?
  4. Hi, I do appreciate this supportive website. My story: I had been on Celexa for anxiety for at least 10 years at doses of between 10 and 20 mg. At 15 to 20 mg at times it really seemed to help the anxiety and lift my mood. Last Dec. I went on Zoloft because the anxiety seemed to be breaking through with the Celexa. (However, I now wonder if lowering the dose on my own was actually giving me symptoms of anxiety). I went one month on 25mg Zoloft, then 50mg Zoloft for 3 months. It never seemed to really help with anxiety or low mood, and also gave me GI upset with diarrhea. I decided to stop on my own, tapering over 6 weeks. While tapering and since stopping I have been taking Fish oil and probiotic, hoping both of those supplements would help with anxiety/depression. During the taper and since stopping, I have been having additional GI problems, plus very bad histamine intolerance. Foods that I had not problem eating while on SSRI, now give me headache, dizziness (to the point where I haven't driven on the freeway for 3 months!), fatigue, and flu-like symptoms. By the way, I would occasionally have these symptoms when lowering the Celexa dose, but then it would go away soon, so I attributed it to anxiety. So weird and awful. I've done lots of reading and discovered that in some people this can happen after SSRI discontinuation. One theory is that the SSRI has acted as an anti-histamine therefore the cells in the GI tract don't need to make the DAO enzyme that breaks down histamine. So when going off the SSRI, there is nothing to break down the histamine. I am currently on a low histamine diet. Trying Quercetin and Vit. C to help with the high histamine. The glutamine/aloe vera supplement made me feel extremely fatigued so had to stop. It's been 2 months since stopping Zoloft. Of course I'm praying my body will return to normal sometime soon, and fearful this may last a long time. My primary care doctor said the body doesn't even start to feel normal until 3 months post-stopping. I would appreciate any input from folks who have had similar issues, and would love to hear some positive stories of healing from this. Needless to say, will never take SSRI again! Thank you
  5. Hi Have just joined and looking for practical advice on supporting myself as have started a gradual reduction of citalopram today. I've been on it for 12 months having been fortunate to never have had mental illness before. Any practical advice much appreciated. Thank you
  6. was prescribed citalopram and lorazapam after a nervous breakdown last july from watching my father pass from aspiration pneumonia caused by advanced dementia. i needed something. i've been off the lorazapam for probably 4 months. i tried to go from 20 mg of the citalopram to 10 to 0 in a couple weeks. was not good. so i went from 10 to 5 to 2.5 over the course of 4 months and then something less than 2.5 if i got dizzy. i haven't had any at all for 5 weeks now. glad i found this place. oh man the crying out of nowhere, the anxiety this morning, almost had a panic attack. my withdrawal is no where near as bad as some of the folks here i'm reading about, but the neuro emotions i'm reading about and the windows and waves really hit home. sometimes i can feel really good and want to cry from some perceived lack in my life at the same time. mostly i feel good now, but when it comes, like others have said, i feel like its always been awful and always will be. i have to stop attaching words to the feeling because i'll find some pitiful story to tell myself because its like something is pulling me to feel sorry for myself. i asked my psychiatrist about brain changes from the citalopram and he said it would happen. he also said untreated anxiety and depression will also cause negative brain changes over time. so, what to do. i've also been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder level 1 in probably 2016. yeah, had no idea i didn't recognize facial expressions very well. i'm really bad at it. anyway it comes with a good bit of anxiety. so i do suspension training 6 days a week to help me get rid of anxiety, and i also need adrenalin to really be happy. i'm at my best when i'm involved with whitewater paddleboarding or onewheeling on a regular basis - something exciting and a bit dangerous. i also ferment pickles, red cabbage kraut and kimchi for my gut health. i'm really fighting to keep my brain health and hoping that one day things get back to normal. in the meantime thank you all. its great reading about everybody here and i'm really thankful to find this place and realize i'm not alone in these withdrawals.
  7. Ok My name's Adam. I'm 48. I suffer with A&D. I was on 40mg Citalopram for about 8 years. My psychiatrist moved me on to Effexor about 10 weeks ago. The drug hasn't agreed with me, and I'm n the process of tapering off. I was initially on 75mg immediate release (sold tablet), and was taking one a day (people have said this should have been a split dose. Anyway, that's in the past. My tapering history is that I've been taking 3/4 of a tablet - about 58 mg for the last 4 weeks. I think my depression has worsened over last 2 weeks, BUT that may be attributable to life's circumstances.(divorce). My questions are: 1. Am I withdrawing from Effexor, or perhaps SSRI's in general? i.e. Is this really a Citalopram withdrawal considering I've only been on Effexor for a very short time. 2. How slowly should I taper off Effexor, and in what increments? 3. Do I need to split my dose and take twice a day? At present I'm taking the 58mg in one dose Answers to the above and any other advice appreciated. Thanks Adam
  8. Hey there everyone, my name is Emilia. I found this forum after I was first hit by pretty bad withdrawal symptoms after trying to quit citalopram 10 mg in early 2019. After first starting Citalopram the effects were already pretty bad, but everyone around me kept telling me it will get better once my body had gotten used to the changes, which it kind of did. All was okay for about 2 months before things took a turn for the worse again. My doctor wanted to increase my dose to 20 mg, but I refused as I already suspected the medication to be responsible for my worsening depression, increased anxiety and suicidal thoughts (which I haven't had before starting). So I told my psychiatrist that I wanted to quit and she promptly recommended another antidepressant, which I refused as well. She also told me I could just easily stop taking it. After I raised the question of possible withdrawal symptoms she just looked at me as though I was crazy and dismissed my concerns by telling me not to worry. Uneducated as I was I tried exactly that. In February I tried quitting CT... which ended with me starting to self-harm again. I felt as though there was no hope left in the world, abysmal never ending hopelessness. In my despair I finally started researching and found this forum (thank goodness). I quickly learned contrary to what I've been told that quitting this drug can indeed cause these kind of symptoms. At this point I've only been off of Citalopram for about a week and decided to start again, albeit at a slightly lower dosage. I decided that 8 mg would be fine. After a couple of weeks my symptoms gradually got better and I wanted to follow the 10% per month taper. Except I didn't. I went too fast. I was getting increasingly impatient with this drug and just wanted to be done with it. So instead of taking 10% per month off my dose, I took 10% per week off. That in turn increased my symptoms again, but I told myself to just tough it out. I managed to get to 5 mg that way relatively quickly. Now I've been taking 5 mg for the last couple months and have kind of stabilized. Right now as I am typing this I have admitted myself to a metal health clinic for unrelatedand reasons, I have been here for 3 weeks already, with 4 or so more to come. Unfortunately the doctor responsible for medication here is not much more understanding of the adverse effects these drugs can have. She recommended however that I start by taking it only every second day. I tried that, didn't notice anything bad and then I forgot to take it on the third day. Didn't feel anything bad then either and thought I'd just try to jump off now. Currently I haven't taken it for 4 days. And the symptoms are back full force, except now I also get these weird kind of electrical brain shocks that don't really hurt but are just really uncomfortable. I really don't know what to do now. Should I reinstate at a lower dose of like 2,5 mg, or should I keep going? If I do keep going then can anyone please tell me how long it'll take for things to calm down again? Any kind if help is appreciated, thank you
  9. My name is Riina, im 35years. Im sorry my english isnt that good, hope it dont matter, i really need help! I have been on citalopram for 17 years. First started it because of social anxiety and it helped. Tried to come of few times too fast because i didnt know any better. Panic attacs ect. This time i thought i took it slow enough, maby a year from 10mg to 0. First i was doing ok, but at 2.5months off started depersonalization and massive anxiety. I started citalopram again on 2.5mg and went up to 10mg, got myself hospitalized for beeing in acathisia and terror and in fear of killing myself. Got polydrugged (10 different drugs!), needless to say it made me only worse. Its been living hell now for 4months. I have akathisia and very bad anxiety and nobody knows what to do. I am now on triptyl 3mg (started in hospital first 25mg, slowly coming down) and citalopram 2.5mg (came down fast because it was so bad) First things seemed to get little better when i dropped down dosages but then it got bad again. I dont know what to do, I cant take this. I know i have been kindled. Should i just CT again or just keep weaning of. If the drug is only hurting me why go slow? Any opinions? I really appreciate all answers. Please help!
  10. Hello and my sincere thanks to all who have made this source of information and support. I have joined to seek advice (and hopefully to give it where I can) about my current situation. I will timeline my story to begin with to establish some context; 2006-2008 Citalopram (30mg) for PTSD 2009-2017 Perfectly fine!! "Maintenance dose" of Citalopram (20mg) - doc's orders 2017 Jun - Got worried about long term use - doc tapers me off Citalopram in 2 weeks... YES... 2 weeks Aug - Relapse and back onto 30mg Citalopram 2018 Aug - Cross-taper (3 weeks) to Cymbalta 60mg - bad side effects (was told Citalopram wasn't working - but I now know I needed therapy) Sep - Cross-taper (8 weeks) back to 30mg Citalopram Nov - Cross-taper (2 weeks) to 15mg Lexapro (was told citalopram was "out-dated") Dec - Pregabalin (50mg) for 8 days - very bad reaction 2019 Feb - Bad reaction to Lexapro - dropped to 10mg (self-medicated) So you can see I have been pushed and pulled by doctors over the last 6 months and have continually had bad reactions to meds apart from Citalopram. Soon after I started Lexapro, I got the shakes to the point I could barely walk, and this was all day, and lasted from week 3 to week 8. Four days after I lowered dose to 10mg (at week 😎 they stopped, but then it hit the fan a few days later. Zaps, dizziness, brain fog, horrible anxiety. I have been managing these with Omega 3 as best I can, but now I have an overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness all day. This started last Sunday, and whilst there have been moments of glimmer, these are few and far between. I recognise these exact feelings from when I was first taken off Citalopram. So advice I am looking for is whether the drop of 5mg Lexapro has really done all this, of maybe that I have uncovered the Citalopram withdrawal underneath? Now 24 days since I dropped to 10mg, should I brave it out and hope I will stabalise? Should I reinstate the Citalopram? Go back up to 15mg Lexapro and try again with liquid?? My doctor no longer knows what to do and has left me to my own devices, and the mental health team who "care" for me cannot let me see a doctor for around 4 months. I am on my own here guys and feeling very low, hopeless and struggling to see the end of the tunnel. Any help will be gratefully received. God bless.
  11. Hi all I’m from Australia and am tapering off 10mg citalopram. I was prescribed 20mg 15 months ago and have slowly worked my way down to my current dose of 10mg. Earlier this week I tried to go to 5mg but had horrible withdrawal effects, such as high anxiety and was very teary and irritable and lost my appetite. Then I stumbled across the surviving antidepressants website and couldn’t believe my eyes.. there is so many other people in my situation. I had no idea how hard antidepressants were to get off! Can anyone advise how I can get from 10mg to 0 whilst trying to avoid or reduce withdrawal symptoms? Also does anyone know how long it takes for the brain to get back to normal serotonin levels after being on the drug for 15 months? Thank you so much to anyone who can help me!
  12. Hi guys, So here I am after being off antids for about 6 months, having tapered too quickly and suffering the consequences. I was latterly taking Citalopram 30mg, Lamotrigine 150mg and Venlafaxine 75mg. Summer 2015 I was officially diagnosed with major depression, which had obviously been there for a long, long time but had at that time got particularly bad. This was due to psychological issues, alcohol and drug abuse but wouldn't shift despite years of work fixing these. Now I know the long term citalopram use was probably making the depression worse. Around that time I saw 4 different psychologists and got 4 different opinions on how to recover/which meds to take. This of course was a ridiculous situation so I took matters into my own hands, taking what I thought was the 'best' advice and integrating it with my own research and experience . Following the 'advice' of one of the psychiatrists I added 75mg of Venlafaxine to the Citalopram and Lamotrgine. At the same time I'd heard about l-methylfolate so gradually ramped up to 15mg daily with b-6 and b-12. I know starting 2 things at once is not advisable but I was desperate and could hardly function. Within a couple of weeks something kicked the worst of the depression into touch which was a massive relief. After a couple of months on the 3 med cocktail the side effects were really starting to get to me so it was time to get off this stuff. Yes, I know, I did it all too quickly which is why I am where I am now....I should have listened more closely to the advice here :-) Hoping for a little advice and encouragement about my nervous system which in the last 3 months or so has got worse even though I stopped all meds 6 months ago. The lamotrigine taper had me shouting angrily at my wife a number of times - the intensity of the rage was incredible but passed quite quickly. She was very brave to be able to get through that! Citalopram taper was surprisingly easy. The final stages of the Venlafaxine withdrawl was tricky. I was down to 1 bead and if I didn't take it within a few hours I'd get head zaps, restless legs etc. At some point I had to stop so I did and put with these symptoms for a week or so. After all this I was however very fatigued which has improved to an acceptable level over the last 3 months. The fatigue was probably also due to recovering from the major depression. Right now I have anxiety issues, very easily stressed/snappy, can't sleep more than 5 hours a night and impossible to catch up with sleep during daytime as on the verge of dropping off I wake with intense terror/fear. Often trouble breathing properly, tight stomach and I am very sensitive to noise, light and touch. I also have panic attacks when the stress is high in my life. These have been occurring for a long time though and haven't really changed with changes in meds. Having done years of therapy and some bodywork I know that these are physical symptoms and I have quite a healthy psychological make up. I also do a lot of things to look after my physical and mental health which I won't go into here. On the plus side, I don't have the general low mood caused by taking Citalopram for years, blurred vision, muscle tightness, sexual problems, cognition and memory problems, sense of not being fully present + other well known side effects from these meds. I am having thoughts about re-introducing a very small amount of Citalopram or Venlafaxine - not sure which one of these is causing the nervous system issues - probably both. I'm aware that the likelihood of this helping after 6 months is low, but I'm willing to try to alleviate symptoms. Advice on this is very welcome! As my name suggests, I do finally feel alive after 16 years on these meds - something about taking them was just not 'right'. Even though I'm suffering right now I'd rather be here. I hope this gives some encouragement to others and also serves as a warning about what happens when you taper too quickly! Thanks to mods and users alike for this wonderful resource. Cheers
  13. Female. Anxious disposition even as child. Did well making friends and enjoying life as a child. Struggled with getting to sleep though, due to worries. Displayed some ocd behaviour in teens ( maybe even before). Took and E aged 16 - big mistake. This exacerbated my anxiety and induced subsequent panic attacks. Age 19 ish ( 2001) was put on seroxat (not sure on dosage -it a strange time; experienced a lot of weird goings on with feeling weird, insomnia, - cant remember if this was before or on starting seroxat). started to feel better while on Seroxat. After a year or two, ( age 21) the doc, due to reports of suicidal behaviour on seroxat, decided to swap me to Citalopram ( 20mg i think). On starting Citalopram, I became very suicidal! Not sure why I wasn't swapped back but I perservered and must have evened out. Took Citalopram for 2 years and I felt good. Met my, now, husbandat 23 and thought life was brill and I did not need Citalopram anymore. Didn't follow any kind of tapering ( didnt know I needed to) and must have stopped cold turkey. Felt very suicidal so went back on Citalopram and evened out again. Must have cut fown to 10 mg and stayed on this for 4 years, functioning well. I did my degree. Am a bit of a perfectionist so worked very hard ( too hard), as well as working 16 hours. End of 4th year at Uni, I was burnt out. Overloaded, overwhelmed, run diwn physically and mentally. A 'nervous breakdown' ensued. I tried to go back to uni to finish the last couple of months but couldn't. I finished my dissertation abd transferred my degree so I still gained a 1st class degree but was very ill. I, nearly straight after became pregnant. I, however, suffered a horrid missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. I had told the docs that I thought something was wrong, 5 weeks earlier, but was dismissed. I took 2 months off work and was a mess. The doctor gave me diazepam and zopiclone which helped me ride the worst. Somehow I survived and became pregnant again not long after. Pregnancy was hard ( pains and bleeding) but I lasted. When my baby was born, it was tricky ( so much new to learn; I developed some ocd habits to help me feel in control but it was ok. Things leveled out. I was still on 10 mg Citalopram ( docs aware of this). I was doing well. I had snother baby a couple of years later, aged 29. Pregnancy was s bit better than the previous one but I still had bleeding, so was nervous but it was ok. I continued on 10 mg of Citalopram and was doing ok. When my son was 1 though, I took on too much. ( Lots of voluntary work with high expectations and serious responsibilities. I juggled trying to be a good mum, with several voluntary roles, housekeeping, got a small part time job too. over this time, for some reason i was slowly tapering Citalopram down ( no guidance really other than from the doc that you can take them every other day (? Is this where things started to go wrong?). I thought I was doing ok, although on reflection I was burning the candle at both ends. At the age of 32 I began to experience sciatica and fatigue. Doc suggested I try coming off the pill. This didn't help. This got worse until I developed severe abdominal pain/ heavy periods/ Nausea/ severe IBS - doc queried cfs but i was not yet referred. I was probably taking 5 mg of citalopram a couple of times a week ( not great I now realise as not steady) but as much as I was feeling physically crap, I was still functioning I stopped the Citalopram and took nothing for 10 months. The voluntary work took on another level; I imploded and had a 'nervous breakdown' ( I had a ridiculous amount of stress which was causing me to struggle with sleep and I was beginning to get suicidal ideation and brain fog before this, on top of the other physical issues, then a stressful voluntary work event sent me into a breakdown ( crying/ anxious/ ocd/ sleeplessness/ some kind of sleep apnea where id wake up gasping for breath.. I was put back onto Citalopram. I quit all voluntary work. I requested to start what i thought was low - 5mg. They pushed me to go to 10, saying 5 was ridiculous. At the same time, it was thought I may have endometriosis, so in 2017, aged 35 I had a laparoscopy operation to check; it was not. I think the operation and anaesthetic helped finish me off. The Citalopram made me increading suicidal to the point where I had suicidal ideation 24/7. i was somehow still getting sleep at this point but obe day was so suidsl, I went to A&E. Saw a psychiatrist for the first time in my life ( aged 35). Was tild to stip Citalopram strainght away. Discussed alternatives ( antipsychotics/ Mirtazipine, other ssris etc). I took nothing fir a week then another team of psychiatrists advised on possible meds. It was decided I would try Sertraline ( another Ssri??? why did i do that) I started it on 12.5 mg ( much to dismay of psychiatrists) but I was not given time to level out; They kept bumping up dose so i would get to the 'theraputic' dose of 50mg. Another level of Hell ensured which I hadn't yet visited. Loss of appetite, diarrhea, jitters, suicidsl ideation in the extreme, depression, muscle twitching, increased brain fog, intrusive thoughts, rapid weight loss, hellish insomnia. This on top of the fatigue and pain and ibs i was already experiencing. Despite my reaction, I was told to persist; I think they thought it wss my normal behaviour ( never felt this bad even when I wss 18 before starting Seroxat). Things levelled a bit after about 3 1/2 months. I was able to function a bit and go to my part time work and look after the home but it was tough. I developped tinnitus on Sertraline and had increasing brain fog. I also now suffered from depersonalisation and still had IBS and fatigue and body pain. In November last yesr, Another doc suggested i try the fodmap diet. i tried this and after 2 months it was very apparent that I had a gluten intolerance. Stopping gluten cleared up my IBS and most of the body pain. I still however battled with increasing brain fog and fatigue and severe depersonalisation to the point i couldnt go out at times and battled with it on the way to/ at work. Sertraline was not for me. I decided to cut down. the only advice id had about tapering was every other day from my doc but I thought Id do it slower. i cut miniscule amounts off from April 17, no real structure. I did this slowly but without checking i was stabilising, from April to August when i got to about 25mg. July and August, my brain fog became unbearable; unable to do shopping, unable to have a proper conversation, overwhelmed by simple questions, I became hypersensitive to light and sound. I often wore shades even on cloudy days ( looking back, noide and light sensitivity started with sertraline). I wore earplugs to limit noise at home with loud children. I became snappy due to loud noises. July August this got worse and worse but I was still functioning. I began doing sertraline every other day at 25 mg in August I think, maybe before then BAM one night in early September I had severe anxiety and total insomnia. This was relentless. I was desperate. I needed advice. Do i go back? Stop? go down? even dose to take each day. I was severely suicidal and devepped what seemed to be fit type episodes where i would be breathless, painful stomach, weird tingly head, palpitations, neck pain and lower back pain, loss of appetite, feeling flu like, becoming extremely dehydrated to the point i would guzzle water down cup after cup, My body contorted in painand tension, I eould then becime cold snd shiver. these episodes could last a couple of minutes but up to 16 hours at times. i was desperate for advise. over September/ early october, I visited A&E 4 times, desperately suicidal; I spoke to my doctor, I spoke to the nhs 111 line, I paid to dpeak to a psychiatrist but NO ONE would advise me, passing me round like a hot potato, telling me to do CBT and wait fir an appointment with a prescribing psychiatrist in december! I wouldn't live until then! I stayed with my mum as I felt so out of control with these fit type things ( including one where paramedics came and I was growling/ disorientated/ confused/ dehydrated so my eyeballs snd skin were dry- I was agressive ( never been like this in my life). I didnt want to be near my family due to my behaviour so I stayed with my mum for a few days. she lives in another county. I went to A&E there and they listened to me and made me feel worthwhile. they referred me to their home treatment team, who visited me but once again were unwilling to discuss specifics of medication. i was given zopiclone and diazepam. my husband and i didnt know what to do. we saw this website but I was still confused. I 'evened' out the 25 mg every other day dose to 12.5 in September. This may have made things worse, not sure which is why i wanted advice. The home treatment team managed to get my appointment with a prescribing psychiatrist movef to early october. I saw her and she laughed at my idea that it was withdrawal. she suggested I try an snri or mirtazapine. After reading this site, I wad reluctant. I am still referred with that team of psychiatrists but another appointment is in 2 months and they just want to throw more meds at me without showing any understanding of withdrawal. 5 weeks ago at an extreme point, before seeing the psychiatrist, I stopped Sertraline. I have been off it for 5 weeks. The fits seem to have all but stopped. but my anxiety is through the roof. I have severe stomach pain, reactions to shsmpoo, brain buzzy feeling whch zaps at times, particularly with high pitched loud noises. my sensitivity to sound is horrendous, as are my emotions and sensitivity to stress. I am overwhelmed by anxiety and ocd type ruminating thoughts about the situation and about my children's health. I am in sick leave from work since 2 months ago, as is my husband ( to look after me and the children). I have managed to taper off zopiclone and my sleep varies depending on my anxiety at night ( minutes up to 6 hours, broken sleep). I took dome diazepam but the ladt dose in September affected my breathing and I became severely breathless for 4 hours andmy gums bled so i haven't taken it since. I have applied for pip disability living allowance. we are shortly going to have no miney coming in and do t know if and my husband will be able to go back to work or if he will be fired ( I assume i will). I read this site but felt I couldnt reinstate as I never felt good on Sertraline. what now? do I try to ride it out? So suicidal and hopeless at times. Do I reinstate to citalopram instead? Do i try something else? Low dose mood stabiliser/ antipsychotic? Ps, I was referred a month ago to the ME/ Cfs people for diagnosis. Still waiting to hear.
  14. Hi everyone and Alto! A few months back (nov. 2013) I was prescribed 150mg Effexor because my depression wasn't "responding" to citalopram 40mg after a 'nervous breakdown'. Come to find out it was actually a horrible reaction that I was having to Ambien . . . horrible anxiety, fear and depression - suicidal thoughts. Anyway, I am beyond all that now, praise God. However, I noted that I did not respond particularly well to the Effexor . . . dry eyes, dry mouth, ear pain and flu-like symptoms were just some of the fun I experienced while trying to acclimate to the medicine. I did some research and decided that I wanted off of this stuff, and knew the best way to do it quickly was to cross-taper back to citalopram, which I had been on many times in my past. I did it over a period of four weeks (150 down to 112.5 then to 75 then to 37.5 of effexor while dosing up from 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 of citalopram). I avoided the horrible effects of withdrawal for the most part, except for headaches, but now I'm three weeks out from completing the cross taper and I'm just now having extreme fatigue (even though I'm sleeping again 6 hrs or so / night) and droopy, painful, strained / fatigued eyes. I don't feel like I wake up until the afternoon some days! It comes and goes too, not consistently every day - varies in intensity. My question is, is this normal to have a delay of symptoms even after a (seemingly) successful cross taper of medicines? My long term goal is to get completely off of citalopram (been on it off and on since 1998) . . . and I will be doing that VERY, VERY slowly, beginning six months from now. Just want to make sure that it is withdrawal from Effexor and not some other health issue. I should also note that I never had any vision problems before Effexor, and have been checked by an eye doctor - no issues, 20/20 vision. I am 33 yrs old. Thanks for all your help and responses!!
  15. Hello everyone, I first got started on Celexa in May 09 after my mind slipped into an inescapable panic state induced by an accidental overdose of the anti-histamine diphenhydramine. I should of know way back then, after a few weeks, then I should of stayed away from all drugs and given my brain a chance to calm down and repair itself on it’s own, but I was truly, truely frightened that I had down some serious damage or I was on my way to the depths of psychosis. So I went to my GP got diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I switched to Cymabalta in November 09 after a personal event triggered an intensification of agitated depression which had never really left despite treatment with Celexa. Sticking with Cymbalta was, again, an irrevocably stupid decision - but I had faith in the psychiatrist who was prescribing me these things. Suicidal ideation was commonplace both in an experiential context and in circumstantial context – my anxiety was so severe I just wanted out and I was astounded to what life had been reduced to. On cymbalta I felt tired but wired with a generalised irritability and massive cravings for sugar, which when I gave in and ate only triggered an intensification of irritability. I look back during this period and I’m struck with just how bizarre and Kafkaesque the whole experience was. Why the hell didn’t I get of the ******* thing earlier? I weaned off Cymbalta in in June 2010. However, the suicidal panic now morphed into a suicidal malaise and all-consumng tiredness, severe anhedonia, and an inability to concentrate - which has stuck with me since. I got put on Zoloft in Oct’10, 4 months after my last drug, and after a visit to a GP where I told me him I was suicidal and planning to go through with it. He sort of shrugged and just told me to go back on a med. The Zoloft induced both akathisa and a “despair beyond despair” at my situation. I flew out to Thailand with the intention of having a last hurrah and then taking myself down to one of the gun ranges and putting a .357 round into my frontal lobe. (Guns aren't readily available in the UK) I flew home when my parents found out where I was, despite my (I thought) well-constructed plan to deceive and explained to them the extent of which I was struggling. We sought the services of a psychiatrist whom I thought was progressive and looking at the bigger picture. By now, I was mostly concerned with the brain fog and chronic fatigue - which prevented me from most activities which might have led to an improvement with my lot in life - which led me to conclude my problem was neuro-endocrine based. I agreed to a low-dose of Lexapro, some compounded thyroid hormone and about 20 different supplements to treat any bodily pathologies. Despite this ambitious protocol, there was very little change in mood. I tried to stay working but got overwhelmed again and my suicidal ideation reached a zenith. I flew back out to Asia with my father, this time to Cambodia but to join a volunteer project building houses. I figured a dose of 3rd poverty might take my mind….off my mind. This time I also agreed to start lithium. It was a humbling experience for sure but I was still weak, foggy, anxious and depressed. I also felt intensely guilty at being in my depressed state amongst so much poverty and in a country with the worst auto-genocide in history. I also picked up a stomach infection which led to post-infectious gastroparesis which I have been struggling with since. Early in 2011 I discontinued the lithium, at the time we hadn’t worked out the stomach problem and where concerned the lithium could be causing the GI stuff. I continued with Lexapro in the AM and 25mg amitrypltine to get me off to sleep in the PM. Life was just a haze punctuated by bouts of panic and despair. My ability to work and socialise properly had all but disappeared by now, so I got used to life being what it was. At the beginning of 2012 I decided to take a break from AD’s, they didn’t seem to have improved my lot in life much, maybe coming off them would do some good. This was when my concern, finally, about TD started - I continued to feel like absolute ****. What if the drugs were the problem all along?. It wasn’t until a few months ago that the epiphany really took hold and I realised the full horror of what I subjected myself to. I realised the whole thing was being exacerbated by the very treatment that authority deemed to be of help. Back when I came off Cymbalta in 2010 I just assumed this was my depression anxiety ramping up and the exhaustion was a natural extension, but now I was still horrendously depressed and the other **** kicked in. I curse myself that I didn’t see the connection the first time round and have spent another 2.5 years on psych drugs….. Note, I tried a few drugs of now more than about two weeks duration in 2012. Again this was before the idea of drug-induced harm became cemented in my mind. My last drug ingestion was Tianeptine in November. My question to anyone who has any suggestions and or experiences is in my title – what the hell do I do now? I’m a complete invalid. Living at home with a parent at 25, unable to enjoy much of anything at all, I can’t lose myself in a movie like I did years ago, my mind is just inexplicably turned inward and focused on it’s own arid desolation and fogginess. Reading is a significantly challenging endeavour and writing is difficult (it’s taken me about a week to knock this up into something coherent and semi-legible). I’m just having such trouble formulating a strategy which might give me a chance of getting well again. Just reading this site has given me a bit of hope in that people can get their lives back on track. There’s people here that appear to have got off far harsher drugs and had been on them for longer periods, so I need to keep a perspective of sorts, I’m just terrified at this stage that I’m past the point of no return and that putting what was a fragile brain/mind to begin with in drugs might just have been…… Any help or words of wisdom are appreciated. Thanks for reading. Jack
  16. Hi, I have been taking Celexa for about 8 years now and am currently tapering at 10% every 3 - 4 weeks. I have usually slept well but recently found myself taking hours to fall asleep. I have always taken my dose before bed and have recently found out that Celexa can disrupt sleep, especially in those that are suffering from protractive benzo withdrawal (something I am also dealing with after a successful taper 10 months ago and has actually gotten a lot better). On the other hand, I am on my 3rd week of my first 10% reduction of Celexa. Could it be the reduction in Celexa that is impacting my sleep or could it be that I should start trying to take my dose in the morning? I don't know much about the implications of SSRIs so any help would be much appreciated. warm regards, James
  17. I'm new here... Celexa reaction one year ago this week, and I've pretty much never recovered.. I don't know where else to start, so I figure I'd just post the cliff note. I was blown away when I came upon this forum, I had no idea this was such a thing.. I finally don't feel as painfully alone..
  18. Hi! Not sure if I can post here, but I found this site after searching for withdrawal effects after having multiple symptoms when the meds were supposed to be out of my system. I now realise my neurotransmitters are still rebalancing, and I've definitely experienced the windows and waves. I was on 20 mg Cilift (Citalopram) since Feb 2016, and sought out the help of my GP to wean off (because of weight gain and mostly having severe heart palpitations). She weaned me off over a 2-week period (1 every 2nd day for a week, and 1 every 3rd day for a week). I stopped the meds entirely around mid May. I am however having multiple symptoms now still: very moody (fluctuating between unjustified rage and extreme depression), extreme anxiety, paranoia, lethargic yet I have insomnia, headaches, toothache and weird sensations of my eyes being sponges, itchiness, PMS is 100 times worse. I find I get stuck in unproductive thought loops, and feel that I shouldn't be alive (although I wouldn't act on suicidal impulses, as I have a strong sense of them not being "me:). I'm now in the awkward position of not knowing what to do. I live in a 3rd world country, and I doubt I can find a doctor who would be able to offer any support. We have a good medical system but in some ways our info is outdated. Without seeking specific medical advice, is there a general protocol for what one should do in my situation? I can't gauge what's better between going back onto the meds and weaning slower (I'll take any info back to my doctor), or just sitting it out? I am reading through different topics here, but is there a list of self-care items I can use? Thank you so much!
  19. hey! I just joined this site. I am a 23 year old female and took citalopram from age 16-19. I experienced genital anaesthesia, no libido and complete loss of sexuality and hoped that this would stop at discontinuation of the medicine. However I have been off the medication for 4 years now and nothing has returned back to normal and I still experience the same symptoms. I am so unhappy and frustrated about this. Has anything been found to restore sexual function, sensation? Are there any cases where PSSD actually went away after some time? Any information would be so helpful
  20. Hello. My name is A and up until 2007, I was a happy well adjusted individual (loving, caring and with a huge amount of empathy for others) with a young family, who was very content with life. Due to an situation at work, I became anxious, and this anxiety did not subside. I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed Citalopram (Citalex) - will hereafter refer to as C). My doctor did not suggest getting off these as soon as possible, instead recommending I stay on them in case I had a relapse (do they recommend cancer drugs to patients in remission). The possible consequences of this course of action were never explained to me. I have been on them pretty much ever since (and when they were working they worked fine), but I have had several attempts to get off them, with no success. I instead became depressed and was put back onto C. My most recent attempt was in mid-December 2016, and initially things appeared to be going OK, in that is I was functioning as would be expected, but without the medication. Unfortunately, my mood deteriorated. I was again signed off sick from work, and despite a further prescription of C (which I have discovered I can now not tolerate - instead it gave me severe headaches and made me confused) I am now totally anhedonic. The question I would like replies to address is whether this state is likely to be permanent, and if so, how do those in a similar sad situation cope with never feeling any pleasure whatsoever. I know I love my family, but there is no "warm fuzzy" feeling inside, just this deadness, whereas before there was love and empathy. What do other forum members feel has been the cause of their depression - life in general (with its ups and downs) or the fact that they have been on an antidepressant for a long time without which, ultimately, their body could not function, i.e. it was the drug itself that led to a depressive state?
  21. Hi members, moderators, and administration. I(member Marsha) have started this thread for my husband. He is too ill to do it. I do all of the calculations and prepare his citalopram capsules for him. An addiction doctor controlled his librium taper to this point. He was taking 40 mgs citalopram and we made the first reduction all of September. He had issues with insomnia but when we made the second reduction to 32.4 mgs he had severe insomnia and other withdrawal symptoms that after 7 days starting today October 7 have updosed 5%. To 34.2 mgs. We will wait until he stabilizes before reducing again. Next reduction will be 5% instead of 10%. He was taking 5 mgs of librium but increased to 10 mgs. We will see how he does with a 5%taper. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
  22. I think I’ve made an awful mistake. I did a too fast taper off of Citalopram in Jan/ Feb and have been having awful withdrawal symptoms for about a month now. I thought the symptoms would resolve themselves after a few weeks, but they haven’t and I fear that I may have now permanently damaged my brain. I was prescribed 20mg paroxetine in 2001 for depression and anxiety. It worked really well. Life was wonderful and I felt fantastic for about a year. Then the Paroxetine lost it’s effectiveness. I took it for another year before deciding that it wasn’t doing anything and that I was cured so could just stop taking it. I relapsed six months later and was put on 20mg Citalopram in 2003. Over the years I have made three attempts at withdrawing from Citalopram. I had very little help from my doctor who told me that I could just stop cold turkey and then go back on them if the depression/ anxiety returned, which it always did. My last attempt to withdraw was in 2011. It was disastrous, I ended up a quivering wreck and was convinced I was going to die. Went back on citalopram and was told I would probably need to stay on SSRI’s for life. Stabilised after a couple of months, but didn’t feel quite right so was put on 10mg Ecitalopram. Over the last few years I made some significant lifestyle changes; moved into a new house, started getting some regular exercise, improved diet, reduced alcohol consumption and quit smoking. Nov 2014 - was switched back to citalopram 20mg. No explanation as to why, I went to collect the repeat prescription and it contained citalopram with a note saying this was a new course. Anyway, i took what I was given and assumed the doctor knew what he was doing. 15 Jan 2015 - Life seemed more positive and i once again felt the urge to quit the anti-depressants and be free of the side effects (agoraphobia, emotional numbness, twitching muscles, weight gain, sexual dysfunction, tiredness). I took 10mg for 2 weeks, then 5mg for two weeks and 2.5mg for a further two weeks, before jumping off. Mar 2015 - I had two weeks of feeling really good. I had tons of energy, was getting out more, was starting to make plans for the future, my emotions were coming back, best of all, I was starting to feel like me again. I had a few brain zaps and headaches, but nothing that I couldn't cope with. I felt that this time things would be different and that I would finally be free of these drugs. Then I crashed. I woke up very early one morning with a feeling of dread, terror and loneliness. Everything had changed overnight. I had severe anxiety, a tight chest, knotted stomach, heart palpitations and difficulty breathing. The world seemed unreal. Everything had suddenly become a huge effort. I was unable to spend any time alone and was worrying about the most ridiculous things. In hindsight, it was at this point that I should have reinstated, but I was determined to be A.D. free, so I put up some blackout curtains to help with the early waking, stopped drinking coffee and tried to distract myself by keeping busy. April 2015 - I discovered this site and learnt about withdrawal symptoms, windows and waves, supplements and tapering. The information gave me some relief as I now knew what was happening to me. I have been taking supplements for a few weeks (300mg magnesium, 1300mg omega 3 and 25mg diphenhydramine) which I feel has eased some of the symptoms. However, I have been reluctant to reinstate because I had a window that lasted for two days and thought I was making progress. That was a couple of weeks ago and I’m feeling awful again now. It is becoming clear that I’m probably sensitised to SSRI’s after long term use and that I might have to suffer a protracted withdrawal. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a new doctor. Im going to ask her for a low dose of citalopram and something to help me get a proper night’s sleep. I just hope that I haven’t left it too late to reinstate, stabilise and conduct a very slow taper. I really wish I had found this site back in January and had not had to suffer this cold turkey hell.
  23. Hi, I would be very grateful for some advice. I have been taking citalopram for 4 weeks. I tend to be sensitive to medication so I took 2.5 mg for two weeks and 5 mg for two weeks. I have had lots of side effects and after reading about long term effects and withdrawals I want to stop and look into other methods. Would it be safe to stop after being on low doses for a short time or do I need to do a 10% taper? Thank you.
  24. Hello everyone, this is my introduction. I was prescribed an SSRI. Yes I know it makes you feel worse before you feel better but I felt terrible so after a few days I gave up on it . Over the next two weeks I felt worse and decided to start it again as I was having panic attacks, something I had never experienced in my life. I again felt really bad. I couldn’t get out of bed, not that lying in bed made me feel any better, I just couldn’t let anyone else in the house see me in such a state. It was after about a week that, yes, you’ve guessed it, PSSD. I had religiously read the information leaflet in the packet and saw that this could occur but not that it could continue after you've stopped. It was then that I searched online and discovered PSSD. I was horrified. I had never been warned of this. After 10 days I stopped again. I then hoped and prayed that all my functioning would return. After about ten days of stopping I was feeling particularly bad. I have all the classic symptons of PSSD. My anxiety and depression has gone through the roof. Lately I feel absolutely exhausted and depressed in the mornings. There is no way in the world I would of touched SSRI’s had I known the possible consequences. I am determined to beat this and get back to the happy man I once was. The impact of this condition on me is immense. I have found these forums a great help. I’m looking for any support out there as at this rate I’ll end up back on antidepressants for which I’ve now got a phobia. I’m also looking to support anyone else where I can and keep a record of my progress.
  25. Hello everyone, Another one joining the ranks of survivalists. I've been looking and reading hundreds of posts on this site for a few months now and I've finally decided to join the community. I've read a lot about people's experiences and suffering, which is not easy to read. So I guess I'll get into what brought me here. It was in my late 20's I started suffering from crippling panic attacks and GAD, as well as having a low lingering depression due to always being anxious. I have no idea why all of a sudden I had my first panic attack, I did smoke some weed in my early 20's, something I really regret and wish I had never done, but like SSRI use, I can't take back. I've heard that can cause people to suffer all kinds of mental disorders later in life. I'm really not sure of what caused it. But I had it and finally after years went to the doctors when I was 30. They gave me the whole chemical imbalance explanation, said I have low serotonin and started me on 10mg of Citalopram, this within a month was increased to 20mg. I never knew about the dangers of these drugs, or withdrawal, Like everyone else, I was never warned other than stating I'll suffer some initial side effects whichvwill wear off after a few weeks. I was on Citalopram 10mg for about a month before being boosted up to 20mg. The initial side effects were uncomfortable but did subside after about 3 weeks. I was on it about 6 years and to be honest, Placebo or not, I did help rid me of most of my anxiety, I still sometimes got anxious but it was greatly reduced. I was honestly quite happy, I didn't feel like a zombie and I still had my emotions and life was pretty good. I could go to sleep relaxed and wake up relaxed, not the gripping a pillow mornings I had prior to the Citalopram. In fact I was doing too good which led to a bone headed decision I'm now paying for but that was not straight away. So I decided to just come off, yep, CT'd. I moved town and in the process ran out of Citalopram, this is before I knew about withdrawal and the dangers. Looking back I was actually incredibly lucky at first, for a few weeks I had head zaps and then, nothing. No anxiety returning, no anything. I felt normal like I hadn't come off anything. 7 months passed and all was well. But then I got a bad appraisal at work, something I had been working very hard on. I quickly spiralled into depression but not so much anxiety. It was there but manageable. I felt awful but just in a depressive way, I'm not sure it was a protracted withdrawal symptom or not as apart from feeling really depressed, there was no other symptoms. But it felt bad enough for me to go see the doctors. This was in early December 2017. Now I want to blame the Doctor but I asked to be put back on Citalopram as it worked well before. I had no idea about what reinstatement was, or kindling effect, or withdrawal, any of that. So They put me back on 10mg. That was 8 days of hell, shaking in the morning, nausea, restless leg heightened anxiety, my body jolting as I tried to sleep, insomnia, I felt highly agitated, I anxiety was so bad I was pacing around the house because i was just so uncomfortable. I called The doctor and they told me to stop the medication. I did, after about a month, the shaking stopped and the constant jolts, as well as the restless leg but the bad anxiety remained and the broken sleep insomnia. I also experienced pretty intense de-realization which thankfully has gone. But some other symptoms developed and have persisted. 3 months on from the 8 days of Citalopram 10mg, I have the following symptoms: High anxiety, but luckily no panic attacks Insomnia, I normally have no trouble getting to sleep but I have trouble staying asleep. Although some days are better than others Really bad brain frog, and slow cognition, which has been the most frightening symptom so far, when brain fog is bad, I can't remember details and I stumble over my words. This scares the hell out of me because online everybody says that's brain damage. I work in VFX Film, so it's absolutely devastating to my career, I find it hard to retain new information. Depression, I'm sure this is because of my symptoms. Morning Anxiety, the worst, I'm gripping my pillow every morning. I'm sensitive to noise , like a heightened sensitivity My brain feels light, like a weird buzzing lightheadedness crying spells, I think mostly to the suffering, self pity, blaming myself anger, mostly at myself, I have a wife and I can't believe she now has a husband who is not functional. That's the hardest part. tinnitus which is just the icing on the cake I've read a lot on this site, so I know about the sensitised nervous system, there is a lot to digest. I want to believe I'll get better but I read about Dr Stuart Shipko's views which pretty much states I'm screwed no matter how many years I hold onto the hope of recovery. i honestly wish I had never read that. I guess I feel fear, really badly, like, how am I going to live with this, I have no choice. I'm back to the doctors on Tuesday, they will probably try to get me back on an SSRI stating I didn't give it long enough for the side effects to subside.or to try another which is something I understand is a bad idea. The problem I have is, I don't know if those 8 days of side effects would have went, or did I not hang in long enough. I know I most likely will not be able to stabilise trying to go back but I've read waiting it out might not work either, so the choices aren't great. I think living with the emotional regret, and the fear of everything happening is the hardest to thing living with this. I know people will say, it get's better, this is a forum of hope, but I'm far off believing that. I want to, but it's hard. I feel bad for my wife, we really are soulmates, only now her life partner is a broken shell of a man, that's what kills me. So that's it for now. Thanks Everyone
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