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  1. Was administered Sertraline due to a medium depression (in hindsight probably just because I'm overloaded with work and a newborn baby). Took the first pill at night and 6 hours later I awoke with a shock and since then I haven't been able to fall asleep without help. The first 12 days I had no sleep at all. I called my doctor, being more and more frustrated. At first she told me to get some over the counter anti-histamines that did nothing. After that I went to the ER in the weekend and they prescribed some melatonin. Did nothing either. The my doctor prescribed Zopiclone. At this point I hadn't slept in over a week, so I was so messed up that Zopiclone didn't work either. I was by this time a complete crying mess and again called the doctor. This time she gave me Prometazin and told me to take everything at the same time. So that night, I took 7.5 mg Zopiclone, 50 mg Prometazin and 2 mg melatonin. BAM. I slept for 14 hours that night and the following night. After this I have experimented with how little I need to take. Currently I take 3,75 mg Zopiclone and 25 mg Prometazin and it works for sleeping. I'm tired and dizzy all day though. Sometimes I try not taking anything but I'm awake all night then and a complete depressed mess the day after. So, currently I'm in week 5 after taking that one damn pill and am just waiting for the tinnitus and lack of sleep to go away so I can go back to just being my good old semi-depressed self. SSRI's are a major no-go for me now! I must somehow be extremely sensitive to it. I take long walks and listen to specially made sleep sounds/music but nothing works. I simply cannot fall asleep by myself at all. No alcohol or caffeine. Are the others out there who have had similar experiences with only taking Sertraline for a short time and reacting the same way as I do? It's rather depressing that it's now been more than four weeks without any improvement at all and I'm getting worried for how long I can get Zopiclone and when they will stop working or whether I will get addicted to them.
  2. Hi, I'm new to this website. I have been trying to withdraw from antidepressants for about 18 months. When I started by withdrawal, I was taking 20 mg of Prozac, 300 mg of Wellbutrin (to treat side effects of prozac), and 100 mg of Trazadone. A year ago, I told my doctor I wanted to get off my medications because they were not helping and I was feeling increasingly fatigued. She gave me a taper scheduled that had me off the drugs within 2 months. I suffered terribly with anxiety, insomnia, and the worst depression I ever experienced. After trying to persevere, I eventually went back on 10 mg of Prozac and 50 mg of Trazadone to relieve the anxiety and allow me to sleep. Having reduced my dosages and completely eliminated Wellbutrin, I felt better and had more energy than when I was taking the higher doses. Lab tests ordered by a functional medicine doctor revealed that I many nutritional deficiencies despite my healthy diet. She prescribed supplements, including magnesium, fish oil (DHA and EPA), B vitamins, glutathione, and vitamin C. My energy and strength increased and I was able to begin an exercise program. Long story short, because I was feeling better, I began to taper the remainder of my drugs. I am now down to 25 mg of Trazadone and 8 mg of liquid Prozac. I have been taking 25 mg of Trazadone for over 6 months and only just started weaning off the Prozac. Since I reduced Prozac from 10 mg to 8 mg, I have felt fine except for insomnia. I joined this forum because I want to succeed with stopping the drugs for good this time. Thank you so much for this forum and the information you have provided. Past Medications: Paxil 25 mg 2010-June 2012 Prozac 20 mg January 2013 Wellbutrin 300 mg January 2013 Trazadone 100 mg January 2013 Current Medications: Prozac 8 mg Trazadone 25 mg
  3. RuthS

    ☼ RuthS: Home stretch?

    Hello, I finished my taper in August 2018, fifteen months ago. I have continued to improve and wanted to share some things I learned along the way. I have a snps in many of the genes involved in methylation such as MTHFR that can cause depression and anxiety. I started following the dietary recommendations of Chris Masterjohn of chrismasterjohnphd.com and my symptoms have completely vanished. No more agitation, anxiety, or depression. I highly recommend you check out his website for valuable information on methylation and nutrition. Thanks to Dr. Masterjohn, I also discovered the work of Weston A Price and read his fascinating book called Nutrition and Physical Degeneration. It seems that my snps don’t matter if I obey Mother Nature and eat a nutrient dense diet that provides all the nutrients I need to support methylation. I have started eating liver once a week. I don’t enjoy it; I take it like medicine and it works! I also eat eggs almost everyday and supplement with glycine. Since incorporating these foods into my diet, my agitation and anxiety have completely resolved. I am also sleeping great. I also eat a lot of vegetables and take a trace minerals supplement with nutritional doses ( the amounts you would get from diet) as opposed to massive pharmacological doses that I think override you system like drugs. I now believe that if we work with Mother Nature rather than trying to control her, we are better off. Dr. Weston A. Price said: “Life in all its fullness is Mother Nature obeyed.” I wish everyone endeavoring to get off their drugs the best of success. Keep plugging away. It’s hard, but if you persevere, you will make it!
  4. Cloudskishawna

    Cloudskishawna: 5 weeks on Remeron / mirtazapine

    For maybe the past 5 days I've only been getting 5 hours and its starting to really get to me on those 5 days 2 of those days I had they were good but now things are starting to get dark now I'm so tired and exhausted I've been taking cbd oil 600 mg and today I smoked a hemp plant on those days I think it was on Friday where I had took unisom 50 mg and I was out for a very long time invest sleep I had in a while I have a appointment with a cranial therpist at 3 and I also took some iodine because I heard it cam help with the tinnitus please any advice I just want my sleep back
  5. Hello I started 7.5 Mirtazapine to stimulate my appetite in late October 2016. It also helped me with Ativan withdrawals and my insomnia. I had my gallbladder out in November and appetite returned but decided to keep taking the Mirtazapine because it helped me sleep. I decided in March that it was making me too tired during the day and I didn't want it anymore. About 2-3 weeks after quitting in mid April insomnia got real bad and nothing that I took would help me sleep. Then the withdrawals got real bad, horrible waves of cortisol surges; I've never felt anything like this before. I couldn't handle it so I started back on the pills at 3.75 mg. Finally stabilized but still had insomnia. Took same dose every night for about 5 weeks but still couldn't sleep. Started 7.5 mg on Monday May 15 slept good one night then few hours so went to doctor and he put me on 15 mg Thursday night and slept good one night. Last night didn't sleep at all and don't know what to do. I'm wondering if the anxiety from worrying about getting to sleep is keeping me awake since I haven't really slept well in weeks. I've had so many nights with just a few hours sleep so bedtime is not a relaxing time for me. Or maybe the pills aren't working for me anymore. I would like to stay on these for at least a year before going off of them so I can heal myself because I realize how sensitive my system is, that is if I can start sleeping again. I would just wonder if anyone thinks I have a chance at sleeping again soon. I can't do this much longer as ive already missed too much work.
  6. Back in 2012 I had an episode of major depression after a relationship break up. I was commended on duloxetine (Cymbalta) and quetiapine (Seroquel) for a couple of weeks to get sleep and appetite back. It all worked well and I had 5 very stable happy years on duloxetine 90mg. However as I have endometriosis we were due to undergo IVF to try to conceive so I very gradually weaned off duloxetine - got some brain zaps and other unpleasant symptoms but they only lasted a few days after each dose drop and i managed to get completely off. After a month or so I started to feel some depression symptoms returning (mostly lack of enthusiasm and tiredness) so in April 2018 just before IVF i went back on duloxetine but it was a COMPLETE DISASTER. Within days I was a quivering wreck, unable to sleep at all, extremely anxious (was never really anxious before), no appetite. After 10 days GP changed me onto mirtazapine (Remeron) which initially helped with sleep but then the anxiety and insomnia gradually. IVF proceeded and was successful so I am now pregnant and did due in March 2019 but mental health remains terrible Liz Transferred to care of psychiatrist and got put on quetiapine(Seroquel) too which unlike before was not successful in making me sleepy. Changed to sertraline - made me worse so stopped after 11 days - was hospitalised due to suicidal ideation. Quetiapine (Seroquel) pushed up higher and now at 500mg a day. Also give Ativan and Ambien but now tolerant and still can’t sleep. Started on Amitriptyline but anxiety did not improve so weaned off after 10 weeks. Still taking quetiapine, lorazepam (Ativan) and zolpidem (Ambien). Still nowhere near back to normal - anxious all the time and get a couple of hours of sleep max a night and wake with heart racing and feeling panicked. Terrified all these meds have not helped but I won’t be able to get off them desperate to try and get myself better before my baby is due but don’t know how :(?
  7. Hi everyone. I've been on SSRIs of one sort or another for 23 years. I had depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and severe social anxiety my entire childhood, and felt like I only became myself when I got on Prozac at age 12. My social skills hadn't developed normally because I had been too scared and depressed to interact with other children, but I was able to catch up in my teens with the help of medication. I tried to get off a couple times, once in my late teens and once in my mid-20s, but it didn't go well. With medication, I have mostly done well, except for chronic insomnia that can at times be crippling. I have gone through many kinds of treatments, therapies, medications, and lifestyle changes in an effort to manage my insomnia. Now I'm 35, and until a couple months ago, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I was recently married, had an exciting career, and was mostly keeping the insomnia under control through a strict cognitive behavior therapy regimen. I was taking 50 mg of Zoloft, a low dose that I had slowly reduced to over several years. I started a two-month taper using a liquid formulation with the goal of starting a family medication-free. I know Zoloft is considered one of the safest SSRIs during pregnancy. But I really wanted to be medication-free for my baby, and it seemed with all the life skills and support systems I had built, that should be within reach. All seemed to be going well until I got down to about 20 mg. Then I started having awful, crippling bouts of insomnia that would leave me sobbing in despair and frustration for hours at night. I became emotionally hyper-reactive to everything; even something silly like not being able to find my socks could send me into violent fantasies, yells and sobs. I also had physical symptoms -- excessive sweating, diarrhea, and nausea. I held steady at 5 mg for a couple weeks, and it seemed to be getting better, so I slowly dropped the rest of the way. Things were rocky for a few days, then seemed to ease off, and I relaxed thinking I was on the way out. I've been off Zoloft completely for just over two weeks now, and it's suddenly gotten much much worse. That makes no sense to me because Zoloft has a short half-life, so I wasn't expecting a delayed reaction. But my insomnia is so bad lately that just thinking about my bed makes my throat close up, dreading the hours and hours of torture that will be my night. Half the time I am so tired that I can't function, literally not safe to drive to work. And for the past few days I have felt a rising cloud of depression and constant misery. A big part of me now believes on a bone-deep level that I am worthless and have never done anything worthwhile in my entire life. It seems obvious to me that the things I took pride in while I was on medication were stupid delusions, and I was just making a fool of myself with everything I did. Part of me does not want to go back on medication, even though I know it would fix this, because I don't want to be the stupid pathetic deluded fool again. Better to huddle in clear-eyed torment. And I can't bring myself to believe that it's okay to have a baby on Zoloft, even if my medicated self would have said I was being irrational. I know that untreated depression during pregnancy is associated with worse outcomes than taking Zoloft. So having a baby like this isn't an option either. But right now that seems moot, because I no longer feel I have the right or capacity to bring a child into the world. When I leave the house now or do anything besides curl up and cry, I am like a puppet-master pulling the strings of my own body, putting on a grisly charade of a functional living human.
  8. Hi, I'm feeling both shock and gratitude for having discovered your website and beginning to education myself about what's happening to me. I began to wake up in the middle of the night ("the morning cortisol spike"), every night, in November 2018. I don't know why this started happening but my guess is that it was a result of progress in my meditation practice that started to give me access to PTSD. It felt like I had opened a door to trauma and I tried everything I could to close the door again (because I didn't want the sleep disruption) but to no avail. Shortly after that I started a new job and it was hell trying to get through the workday with inadequate sleep every day. In January 2019 I saw a sleep expert and told him that I intended to see a doctor to get a sleeping pill. He told me that patients take sleeping pills only once every 3 days to avoid habituation but that at least they get a night of good sleep every few days that way, and that the pill currently in vogue is probably Trazodone. The next day I saw a doctor. He spent a lot of time warning me away from Ambien, and for that I am grateful, but when I mentioned Trazodone (from my conversation with the sleep expert) he prescribed 50 mg for me. I asked him about the 3 day rule and he had never heard of it—he said he thought people took the pill daily. I think I remember him telling me it was non-addictive. I started taking Trazodone 2x/week and it helped with my sleep. A week later, with the doctor's permission, I increased the dose to 100 mg. Things were generally manageable for the next month or so until I started taking Trazodone more frequently, here and there, like the night before an important meeting at work. I figured this was OK because the pill bottle read, "Take 1 tablet by mouth at bedtime as needed for insomnia." I also experimented with different dosages, increasing my dose if I was overtired or reducing it (by 25%) if I had slept well lately. I started having suicidal thoughts and two nights in which I was unable to sleep at all, which has never happened to me before. Now I can't fall asleep without the Trazodone and it had been easy for me to fall asleep before I started taking it. On 2019 May 3 I started doing research on the Internet, found this website, and realized that I had become addicted to Trazodone and that I had been giving myself inconsistent dosages and frequencies. As an attempt to stabilize I started taking 100 mg every night. This gave me good sleep for two nights and then last night I was able to sleep for only 2 hours. I'm shocked that I wasn't warned about how dangerous this drug is and wish I'd never taken it. Please advise me: I understand the importance of tapering 10% but I don't know where I should start because my dosage hasn't been consistent. I took a guess 3 days ago and chose 100 mg. That seemed to work for two nights but last night was hell. Should I continue to take 100 mg every night and hope for stability, or what would be best? Thank you, Courageous P. S. I am also grateful for my meditation practice because without it I think I'd be going insane and spiraling into depression right now.
  9. I started Effexor (venflaxine) excuse my spelling 75mg and buspirone 7.5 mg on Wednesday last week. Friday night I had an adverse reaction. Skin burning, dizzy, tremors, rapid heart beat, dilated pupils, muscle stiffness, I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting right now. I did not take the meds after Friday night. Now Thursday (4am) I’ve been having withdrawal symptoms. Tremors, anxiety, insomnia, no appetite. I see my pysch today at 130. I actually went to the hospital twice in the same day because I could not sleep, eat, or relax. I couldn’t go to work but I am going to try today. I was wondering if maybe Prozac or sertraline would help me ease these withdrawal symptoms or if anyone else has experienced this after on three days of being on meds!!!
  10. I recently discontinued Seroquel 150mg (prescribed for agitated anxiety and insomnia), and now on Trazodone 250mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. I had been on Seroquel since Sept. 2018 . I feel awful - sleeping less, agitated, angry, depressed, don’t want to get out of bed, lack focus and hard to think straight. I feel dumber and want to avoid. Any insights on how long it may last or how to make it easier? I’m concerned that none of the meds have really helped me with anxiety/depression beyond getting some sleep. I am doing therapy, EMDR, exercise and meditation. I feel like a weird version of myself and don’t want to be around people. I get feeling hopeless about feeling better or like myself again.
  11. This is my first post and I am so glad to be among you. Your stories are so close to mine that it feels like we are good friends already. I totally did not know about the 10% weaning schedule, and neither did the psychiatrist that I was working with. Two months was the longest I have taken to wean which is probably why I was never successful. I have a new psychiatrist that I will meet the beginning of March and I want to start the 10% program at that time to wean off of Zoloft. Though I am a researcher about problems that I have, for some reason I missed the info that has been out for years about these drugs with new issues popping up all the time. No one in my behavior health clinic seems aware of it either. I am about to cause a stir! In the past when trying to wean off of celexa or Lexapro my first real problem was insomnia. Exhaustion and stress start to build quickly and then comes everything else. My psychiatrist recommended melatonin to use when I can't sleep even on a SSRI. (which is not regularly) It works really well and I would like to continue using it as I wean, but I have reservations because I have heard some vague criticisms of it. My doc likes it (tho this does not give me much confidence) and it works great now. No idea how it will work as I wean. Any information on melatonin or other sleeping meds or techniques that you can share with me? I do not want to just go into a new set of problems with another drug - but sleep is essential. Medication History: 2007 to 2010 20 mg of celexa, Tried to wean off about 4 times during that time. 2010 tried Wellbutrin which did not work, back to celexa. 2010 to 2013 On lexapro but it had the same side effects that I had with celexa. Tried Wellbutrin again and mirtazapine, Back to Lexapro 2014 mostly on Lexapro Sept of 2015 stopped Lexapro and started Zoloft 50 mg - now have been on it for 6 months
  12. I require urgent help please. Over the past 18 months I have had several medication changes due to going off 150mg Effexor cold turkey in July 2017. I didn't know how to do it any other way at the time and I told no-one what I was doing, not even my doctor. it just wasn't working any more. I had been off Effexor for about 3 months and thought I had got through the worst of it although still had some withdrawal affects going on but I was functioning okay and sleeping. I thought I'd call my doctor and let him know what I did and that is where I went wrong. He told me to reinstate Effexor immediately at 75mg from memory, which I did because I felt like I had done something terribly wrong. Upon reinstatement my whole body went into shock and I couldn't move. It was shocking. My doctor told me to go into hospital and that he'd help fix it. By the time I left hospital I think I was on the minimum effective dose of Zoloft. After leaving hospital I found that the Zoloft was overstimulating and I didn't sleep for a week. I had to take 25mg of seroquel for sleep. Zoloft wasn't the right antidepressant for me. Without tapering off Zoloft, my doctor would try me on several different antidepressants over the next 6 weeks, including prozac, mirtazapine, brintalex, valdoxen, lexapro. I had adverse side affects to all of these medications and can't remember what dose he started me on. I believe now that my brain/body couldn't tolerate medication anymore. I needed to go back to hospital and I needed to find another doctor. I found another doctor and I think in February 2018 from memory, and I apologise that my memory is very vague due to my recent round of ECT. I think I started taking 20mg of Prozac, which did have it's challenges. I underwent a round of ECT, in April 2018 and left hosptial feeling better on 20mg of Prozac and Olanzapine - I can't remember this dose - maybe 5mg because 10mg was too much and I couldn't function on that amount. I agreed to take the Olanzapine only for 3 months to get myself back to work an back to life. When my doctor took me off the olanzapine I think she did it too quickly and the withdrawal was intense. It was so intense that I tried to commit suicide. Next step, back to hospital when my doctor suggested that I should go back onto Effexor as it had worked for me in the past. I was desperate, I didn't feel comfortable about it, but she's the doctor and knows best right? The current situation is that I came off Effexor 150mg (the original dose was 225mg), under the guidance of my psychiatrist in November 2018. She tapered me off the medication over 2 weeks. The reason I needed to come off Effexor was due to the fact that I just wasn't able to function whilst taking it, I actually felt worse. The hell that followed was horrendous and I did try and reinstate a low dose of Effexor although it just made matters worse. She had be do a course of TMS treatment and then my doctor suggested ECT . I agreed because I thought it was supposed to help with the withdrawal, although in hindsight I think she was trying to treat depression, when I told her I wasn't depressed and that I was experiencing was withdrawal. The ECT was a really bad idea. After the 9th ECT treatment I felt as though I was losing my mind, I felt like my brain was on fire. This sensation lasted quite a number of days and the only thing that helped was 5mg of valium as a PRN, which I took for about 6 days. I am now in such a state. I don't know where to turn. I can't sleep and I can't turn to my doctor for help because she has totally screwed me over. Please help me, I am so desperate. I am currently taking the following vitamins and supplements. Fish Oil 2000mg 4 x day N-acetylcysteine 1000mg 2 x per day Vitamin D 1 x day Vitamin C 1 x day Nux Vomica IM (when nauseous) Magnesium amino acid chalate - 1 scoop 2 x per day Naturopath remedies - Wellbeing mix 3 x day, soothing drops 3 x day, sleep support 2 x per day, Sleep and Rejuva Sleep Forte 4 x day, compounded melatonin 5mg for sleep.
  13. I I was given zyprexa, lamictal, and remeron for chronic insomnia roughly 2 years ago. I stayed on these drugs for 1 1/2 years and after building up a tolerance still wasn’t sleeping 1 to 2 nights per week. My psychiatrust diagnosed me w GAD and severe insomnia. He gave me lamictal during the day as he said he wanted to keep me alert as I have a stressful, high profile job. It actually made me anxious. When the meds started becoming even less effective and I developed horrible side effects (which I believe were caused by zyprexa, extreme weight gain, high blood sugar, dysphasia, tremors, etc.), my psychiatrist told me to quit them cold turkey and that I wouldn’t experience any side effects. He gave me klonopin which I’m now addicted to and doesn’t help me to sleep more than 2 hours if I sleep at all. I wish I had never listened to him. Since stopping these drugs I only sleep 0-2 hours per night (confirmed by 2 sleep studies), my cortisol levels are 5 times higher than an average person, I have developed GERD and irritable bowel, and because of my complete and utter exhaustion have injured myself by falling down the stairs several times due to dizziness and the inability to focus. I have been working like this for 5 months and can no longer live this way. My quality of life is zero, I’m constantly exhausted and a bundle of nerves (even w klonopin and natural supplements). I’ve tried meditation, CBT-I (has this been effective for anyone?), natural vitamins and supplements, have been to numerous doctors including sleep specialists, psychiatrists, general practitioners, neurologist, therapist, nutritionist and an acupuncturist. No one has been able to help me. If anything, I seem to be getting worse. Could someone please offer some guidance? I don’t know where to turn. I can’t keep living, functioning and working on 0-2 hours sleep and with cortisol levels that are through the roof. Thanks so much for your help!
  14. Hello! Seeking advice and support having discovered how dependent I am after over 20 yrs of taking paroxetine. Withdrawal symptoms of extreme sustained insomnia, excessive sweating and intense anxiety are making life unbearable and I am horrified at how ignorant I have been about my meds. I now realise GP probably made things worse by suggesting a change to mirtazapine before returning to paroxetine. GP suggested back to 20mg but I couldn't bare the thought of possibly having to repeat the withdrawal so decided on ½ dose (10mg). Not sure if I've done the right thing as still have severe symptoms after 7 days. I now realise all these changes were far too fast but do I hang on to this dose to see if I stabilise and how long do I give it?? I'm just beginning to realise that this is likely to be life changing....not what I'd planned at 58....as may well loose my job and it's a huge strain on family and friends. It's confusing and frightening. See gp on Thurs and feel it would be good to have an idea of what I should be aiming for re medication. He gave me propranolol (a beta blocker) for the anxiety but I've since discovered it could be contributing to the insomnia. Has anyone got any experience of that? With thanks and hoping to be able to share experiences!
  15. M1111

    M1111

    I'm currently 5 months off fluroxetine (25mg daily for 10 years) and sleeping 2 hours a night if I'm lucky.. tried so many different supplements and sleep aids.. nothing works. My anxiety is at a constant high level and feel like if I could just get some hours sleep it might improve.. any tips?
  16. I have been on 100 mg Doxepin more or less for 18 years treating insomnia. It has suppressed my adrenals enough that it could be contributing to Adrenal Fatigue but even on a sllllloooooowww taper (currently at 90 mg over course of 3 months), my system goes ballistic and I cannot sleep unless I increase my dose or am so zonked from not sleeping well that I get a good night in. Has anyone taken supplements or other medication to help with the taper? supplements I have tried but have had digestive of excitatory side effects: Seriphos (cortisol manager), L Theanine, 5 HTP, Melatonin, Magnesium, Hemp Sourced CBD oil). Melatonin was good but brought on depression. Most of these would have done the trick save for my tummy so perhaps this list will help someone else!
  17. Moved from: alldaisy-zyprexa-withdrawal-severe-insomnia-and-lack-of-appetite Hi All, It is unfortunate to see that it is taking years to see a difference in your sleep pattern. I am in the same predicament - insomnia, broken sleep, and I no longer get that sleepy/tired feeling.. I now sleep for 0 -3 hours each night after quitting Zyprexa (I was put on it in January this year and I was tapered off it March). It takes me almost two hours to fall asleep and when I do, my sleep is broken - whereby I am awaken multiple times during that short sleep cycle each night. Please, as for all of you who have experienced insomnia due to Zyprexa withdrawal, how long did it take for your body to get back a normal sleep function? Did the ability for you to feel sleepy (sleepy-tired feeling/heavy eyes) return? I thought it would get better after a short while but I have been wrong.
  18. Hi everyone, I have severe insomnia problem for more than a month. I was prescribed Zyprexa on March 29, 2018 and I took it only for less than 3 weeks. I stopped taking Zyprexa cold turkey and I switched to Risperidone 1mg. Now, I have severe insomnia. I cannot fall asleep and I just lied in bed from night to morning. My insomnia been going on for more than a 1 month. My questions for you. How many days, months, or years did it took you to sleep normal again after you withdraw or stop cold turkey from Zyprexa? Did you have to take another drug after stopping the Zyprexa to help you sleep? I’m desperate for advice and help. I really appreciate your input. Thank you.
  19. Quest

    Quest

    Moderator note: Link to Quest's benzo thread - Quest - benzo thread Guess I will start by saying hi and letting you all know that this site gives me some much needed hope. I have been fighting this effexor xr battle now for 11 years. Was put on 37.5 mgs of Effexor in May of 2006 and the 75 mgs 3 weeks later for extreme anxiety which they labeled GAD. A month later zoplicone 3.75 mgs to sleep. Never took drugs before other than an antibiotic, so man oh man this was rough on me. Took 4 months to function on them while trying to raise a 10, 8 and 3 year old. Over the years tried at least 4 or 5 times to wean off by typical drs. Orders which always resulted in a crash 2-3 months later. I have always exercised, eat healthy, acupuncture, various healing modalities viatimins- you name it trying to be strong enough to stay off these drugs. It wasn't until last year that I even heard about paws, it certainly is not something any of my drs. Believe exists. They continuously tell me to stop trying to come off, I have a chemical imbalance and I will be on some form of anti depressant for a lifetime! I can not accept this mentality. Yes in the beginning Effexor helped to calm my anxiety but it is no longer doing so and I just don't think adding another drug or two into the mix will help either. Zoplicone is another problem for me. Thank the Lord I never went past a 7.5 tablet. What a horrendous drug to come off. I just recently took 3.75 mgs to sleep again, ( how defeating after being off for 5 months!) but my drs. Other options were seroquel or remeron or elavil. I have tried every herb and tincture for sleep as well as cbd oil. They help for a short time and then tolerance sets in. I have been off of effexor xr for 2 months and then again crashed even after tapering 10% every two weeks which I now know was way too fast. I reinstated 5 mgs on July 28/17 and took a 3.75 Mg of Z on July 30/17 to sleep. I am hoping this time to do it right and would appreciate any help or words of wisdom. I suffer from wicked anxiety that never seems to shut off and I am not wanting to go on cipralex or cymbalta at this time as my dr. Suggests. So very scared at this time. Feeling very fragile ~
  20. So I "celebrate" one year of being clear of SSRIs this week. It has been one helluva ride. (my signature shows I had earlier experience with years of protracted WD. All those years no one told me it was withdrawal. But that's another story.) I never knew about protracted withdrawal or slow taper, so I stopped Lexapro CT last February and rode out the first two months of some "standard" WD symptoms - the ones that doctors acknowledge exist. I had brain storms, brain zaps, fatigue. By May the initial WD symptoms were subsiding, so I thought I was out of the woods. Then in July I got hit with a weird insomnia wave. It arrived with a scary sensation one night when I laid down. It felt like all the connections in my brain were disappearing one by one. It lasted for about three seconds. (I never felt anything like that before. I was very frightened. It was only then that I found these forums and discovered that SSRIs were the culprit. Thanks to all of YOU, I know what is causing my current symptoms.) The weird brain sensations were followed by a few weeks of terrible insomnia. Upon drifting off to sleep, my brain would yank itself back to wakefulness. Over and over, for hours. Known as hypnogogic/hypnotic "jerks". Horrible. The insomnia wave lasted for about three months. By the end of the wave, in October, my brain had restored itself to sound, restorative sleep. I now sleep better than I have for all five years I was on Lexapro. Hooray! That is major progress, a GREAT thing. So November was a GREAT month. So many great days. I thought I was out of the woods. But by December, I was getting ear ringing when laying down to sleep. Not bad during the day. Never had ear ringing before. But the ear ringing got worse, now it is 24/7. Some days worse than others. If I am busy in a noisy environment, it doesn't bother me, but moments of quiet and rest are plagued with this background ear ringing. Laying down to sleep my head is screaming. Wake up to the same. It is not typical tinnitus. It is head ringing. The ear ringing is just a manifestation of something that is going on in my brain. Hopefully it is a recovery process, and will subside over the next few months. Fingers crossed. When the ringing is bad, my head feels under pressure, and my ears feel clogged, they pop. When I wake up, and lay there listening to the ringing, I may get one brain zap. Here I am, one year off of SSRIs, and I still get the occasional brain zap. Very rare, thank goodness. But it is there, a calling card - this is all SSRI WD related. YES, doctors, brain zaps happen one year later. Sorry, your WD guidelines are WRONG. Others here have also testified that they get brain zaps a year or so after being off these drugs. I told my prescribing doctor about it. She said "maybe you need to be on Lexapro". LOL !!! Yeah, like a heroin addict needs to be on heroin because the withdrawals are so bad. These doctors are so clueless. How tragic for all of us. And all that will tread this path. Yes, I am tempted to go back on Lexapro to try to quiet my brain. NO, I have never even come close to popping a Lexapro pill back in my mouth. The drug DID pull me out of chronic dysthymia (long term, low grade depression) when I first took it. But the side effects and now WD effects are so horrific. I would NEVER have taken this drug if I knew what would happen. Taking Prozac and Lexapro destroyed the quality of my life over the last twelve years. If I could do ONE THING over in my life, it would be to NEVER have taken SSRIs. So here I am, one year clean. I am very hopeful for better days. I have good reason to hope; this head ringing is dynamic,the nature of it changes day by day. My brain is dealing with it in its own way. Years ago, my three-year long brain fog from Prozac WD went away. My years of WD fatigue went away. The sensitivity to light went away. The sweating went away. My insomnia went away, and now I sleep better than ever. So hopefully this head ringing will go away too. I have had it for two months now. They call it "Protracted SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome" and we are the survivors. Thank you all for being here - YOU have been my main source of comfort. It is YOU who have showed me what I am going through. Modern medicine has dropped the ball on this one. Big time!
  21. Hi everybody. I never joined a forum before but now it's time. I've been on AD's for about 20 years now. Always resistant to staying on them, because of flat affect and just a lot of fear of side effects. Started on maprotiline (yeah, nobody's heard of it) a tetracyclic, then tried St John's Wort, SAMe, TCM, before getting prescribed Celexa. My pattern was to stay on until I felt OK, than go off, probabl;y way too fast for my sensitive system, and crash. Aside from sadness and lack of energy/motivation, my main symptom was horrible insomnia -- I have atypical PTSD symptoms from a major trauma that included pretty much not sleeping for three weeks. Sleep is a big deal, not sleeping gives me really bad anxiety. So I went up and down on Celexa at the advice of my GP, pretty much staying below 20mg, and at one point on 5mg for quite a while and doing well. Used lorazepam periodically for sleep, and went off that really slowly without too much difficulty. Unfortunately, when I decided to go off Celexa (at the advice of a TCM doc who was supposed to be brilliant and said I didn't need it) I ran into a major stressful life event (my 19 yr old learning disabled daughter got pregnant and decided to have her baby) and crashed. In addition to the stress, it was again probably a mistake to stop 5mg cold. I didn't know. After a few weeks of hell and lots of acupuncture, I went back on but it took too long to start having an effect and... I eventually went to the ER, and was advised by the doc who advised not to go to the psych ward, and prescribed more lorazepam. Two days later I saw a PDoc for the first time. She prescribed a small dose od Zyprexa to "augment" the Celexa, and help me sleep. Which it did -- three days later I felt better and could function again. 20mg Celexa and 1.25 Zyprexa. A couple of months later when I was still up and down she added 50mg of lamictal to help me with "stability". So now on three drugs, sleeping, relatively stable. Over the next couple of years, I was able to bring the Zyprexa down to about .35mg, but couldn't get off without crashing. My PDoc called it a "homeopathic dose" and didn't try to get me off. REALLY sensitive to this stuff. Three years into this, a year ago, I had another stressful stretch, and incrreased to 1mg Zyprexa. Then I developed a tremor in my right hand. I freaked -- my dad had Parkinson's. After being in denial for 4-5 months, I finally went to a neurologist and after several tests told me it could be Parkinson's or it could be the Zyprexa. She suggested I try to switch to Seroquel that is supposedly less likely to have this side effect. Oh my, here comes the really bad part -- my PDoc said I could just do a switch of Zyprexa for Seroquel at "equivalent" doses. She knows how sensitive I am and this was a BIG mistake. I switched, and totally crashed. I was supposed to then increase the Seroquel until I felt better. That lasted about two weeks when I developed akathisia. Was given Cogentin and UGH, I couldn't think, my hands trembled, I couldn't have a normal conversation and my memory went downhill. PDoc said switch back to Zyprexa so I did but now at a higher "equivalent" dose (2.5mg). Akathisia didn't go away. Tried to drop Zyprexa to 2mg and BOOM, more depression. Back up, more akathisia. My PDoc then gave up and passed me on to another PDoc (not a bad thing at this point, but I felt abandoned). Since then, I'm titrating down on Zyprexa by .05mg per week. At 2mg now and akathisia is somewhat better but I still can't relax at all, and I still don't know if the tremor is drug induced or Parkinson's. I get the 10% per month and I plan to follow that as closely as I can. I've had enough of these meds. It makes me really sad that I know it's a long road ahead to get back to a semblance of normal. I wake up every morning trembling and depressed. I eat really healthy and walk 6-9 miles a day. By mid-day I feel a bit better but can't stop obsessing about the tremor. Can't concentrate much or I get really tired. Afraid to go outside my routine because it's more stressful and the symptoms get worse. I'm looking into TMS as a way to support this process. Whoever reads this thanks for listening, it gets really lonely sometimes, I'f you're here, I'm sure you know.
  22. Hi All I'm relieved to find a forum out there that fits my situation. The doctors say withdrawal symptoms should stop a month or two after stopping ssri's but I think they are wrong and I'm sure many of you agree. Thanks for listening to my story, I'll try to keep it brief. 13 years ago at age 25 my anxiety got the better of me I developed social phobia in the form of constant blushing and shaking when interacting with people. It psychologically crippled me. I lost my job and could barely leave my house. I left it a year before I went to a doctor by which time I was a complete mess. The doc prescribed me 20mg citalopram and that drug worked wonders! It stopped me blushing 95% of the time and meant I could lead a normal life again plus it made me cheerful and carefree. Amazing! But, every time I tried to come off it my blushing would return so I ended up staying on it for 11 years. I didn't really have any side effects until after 8 years when I started getting tinnitus and night sweats. These got worse and worse, I would lay in bed with my ears ringing so loud it was like I'd been to a nightclub! And the night sweats became unbearable, I would wake up 4 times a night soaked to the skin, freezing cold, need to change my clothes, bedding, take a shower I got so tired from bad sleep. So I went to doc and she put me on beta blockers which are working great and I don't need to take them that often as my blushing is nowhere near as bad now I'm 38. Great news BUT the side effects/withdrawal of coming off citalopram has been sooooo tough. Ive been off 8 months now. For the first 3 months I was so depressed, I wanted to cry all day and even felt suicidal at times. For the second 3 months I had terrible anxiety and would get to almost having panic attacks. For the last 2 months I feel a little better but have little interest in people, people just get on my nerves and I feel distant from everyone, I have a 'don't care' attitude and my marriage is suffering because of it as I'm moody and quick to anger Plus throughout the 8 months I still have those damn night sweats combined with bad insomnia! It's been 8 months but I still wake up soaked to the skin and even when I'm not sweating I just can't sleep! I don't know how I'm functioning normally as I slept better when my kids were newborns!! Some nights I just lay in bed with my eyes shut but awake for hours and hours looking at the clock every so often and thinking 'I can't believe it's 4:30am, I havent slept yet and I need to get up for work at 7am!' Has anyone else been in this situation? How long do the sweats last? My doc says they should have gone after a month or so and has booked me blood tests to check for early menopause, but I know it's due to citalopram use. How about the insomnia? Have I somehow damaged my nervous system and it's going to take years to repair itself, if ever?? I'd never have stayed on citalopram that long if I'd known it's legacy would be so long lasting. Thank you for reading my history. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like I am 'surviving' antidepressants. I have no one to talk to as I'm a private person and none of my friends know about my history and my husband lost interest a long time ago. Any advice is welcome xxx
  23. Here I am, lost and Confused as usual... I was mean to the one I love and scared him away to sleep on the couch... how many more times will he be able to take my emotions? Luckily, we don't have a kid - but we do have a kitty. I am in love with my little family and the world is so harsh... I am not from here. I am from another province full of energy pillpoppers and alcoholism and cold-hearted humans. This province was opportunity to escape, and I needed it. Sometimes I get scared that I cannot escape my problems again and I want the pain to go away. I want to start over... all the time. I was too old to be adopted, but accepted into a family still. I was given a voice, but I used it to disagree. Surely I am an adult, and I should be treated like one. It is always money and no one else wants to be wrong when I'm around. I am kind. I am honest. I am an animal lover. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed and I don't hurt anyone if I can help it. Why am I the easiest one to blame? I can take abuse, but never the emotional kind... please don't raise your voice or yell. My new mom was so quick to put me on drugs to mold me into her perfect doctor. Surely I gained weight when I moved out, because I stopped having constant meals and money was a problem. It was the first time I stopped consistently taking my drugs. No one ever told me how to take them properly, and I've yet to take them at the same time until recently. I'm unsure what to do with my iron pills, but they seem to be the only ones helping. Maybe there is a reason I bought Omega 3 Fish oils and vitamins. I am a pale-skin colour-sensitive woman with major PTSD from childhood trauma... I finally removed my mother from my life - but the other snakes slowly replace her. I was never checked up on as a child, I never knew what normal was. I was never anorexic but I don't remember eating because my mother told me we were both picky. I have terrible teeth, and I'm overweight. I cut all my hair off because I make impulsive decisions... but it's growing back healthier! Just not fast enough. I've lost another job. This is the first one that got rid of me. I called in sick in my probationary period, because I was withdrawing.... And I have no help.... I don't want to go to the doctor anymore. I was free of pills and almost maybe doing okay but Effexor found its way??? And I've never felt the pain of trying to quit until now.. Hot and colds and puking all over the floor... financial issues are a big thing and my man cannot do it alone but I have no money and we are slowly diminishing. I don't want to eat when there is food, just so it'll last a bit longer... I need help but everyone is so damn quick to put the pills back in my mouth and make sure they're swallowed. I am probably a hereditary bipolar... if I would have been helped I might have done better. I started smoking a bit more pot and it gave me the confidence I needed to do research and learn... sometimes I try too hard to put together pieces of puzzles I don't understand and I start to sound crazy to anyone looking to listen or judge... I'm on my period and I'm practically anemic, so the withdraws are definitely just the cherry on top aren't they? I do my best late at night... I forgot to take a pill to wean myself off of and it was so bad. The last few days I took 3 then took the risk of 2 but managed to take 1 and live... maybe I can handle the pains if I sleep more. I don't feel like I have a reason to live, so maybe sleeping will help me catch up. I'm hungry.... I didn't think I'd write this much... or anything at all. I am thankful for this forum... thankful so many can submit stories to compare. I was an ugly child, but I was somewhat smarter than most when it came to random things. I think the fact there were too many people in the room made it harder to learn. It's hard to be a tomboy and a partial nerd when the boys want to touch you. When did becoming promiscuous get so easy? If I could take it all back, I would have stayed smart... but there were too many distractions. I think the drugs helped me even hear better and that made them so easy to take. Maybe the absence of them will influence a loss in this extra 40 pounds I carry. Maybe all of my problems were unknown withdraws from each and every new miracle drug. I smoke my weed to help me remember... I know some may disagree - but I am already damaged and I only reap the benefits. The ability to feel hunger... I only feel it when I'm starving and it's too late. Where do I go from here? I've been checked into the psychward as an adolescent many moons ago... I'm in my 20s and I don't want to be stuck there, and without my little kitty. He purrs when I cry, and makes everything okay. I even considered joining the army because I didn't mind dying, but I could never survive the time away. I think I will be okay in time... I hope it doesn't get too hard. I haven't taken any specific pill consistently, so I'm unsure of what to compare - and the doctor doesn't even know what she's giving me anymore. Oh. You're hurting? There's a drug for that. Let me write you something. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening... Good vibes only, please. I used to be so quick to judge and assume people want to yell DEPRESSED because it's trendy... when the 20 something years of pain is something I'd never wish on my worst enemy... I know the difference now, and all I want to do is help people. My problem is all I do is help everyone else and I'm left to pick up my own pieces that I didn't know were missing in the process.
  24. Here I am, lost and Confused as usual... I was mean to the one I love and scared him away to sleep on the couch... how many more times will he be able to take my emotions? Luckily, we don't have a kid - but we do have a kitty. I am in love with my little family and the world is so harsh... I am not from here. I am from another province full of energy pillpoppers and alcoholism and cold-hearted humans. This province was opportunity to escape, and I needed it. Sometimes I get scared that I cannot escape my problems again and I want the pain to go away. I want to start over... all the time. I was too old to be adopted, but accepted into a family still. I was given a voice, but I used it to disagree. Surely I am an adult, and I should be treated like one. It is always money and no one else wants to be wrong when I'm around. I am kind. I am honest. I am an animal lover. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed and I don't hurt anyone if I can help it. Why am I the easiest one to blame? I can take abuse, but never the emotional kind... please don't raise your voice or yell. My new mom was so quick to put me on drugs to mold me into her perfect doctor. Surely I gained weight when I moved out, because I stopped having constant meals and money was a problem. It was the first time I stopped consistently taking my drugs. No one ever told me how to take them properly, and I've yet to take them at the same time until recently. I'm unsure what to do with my iron pills, but they seem to be the only ones helping. Maybe there is a reason I bought Omega 3 Fish oils and vitamins. I am a pale-skin colour-sensitive woman with major PTSD from childhood trauma... I finally removed my mother from my life - but the other snakes slowly replace her. I was never checked up on as a child, I never knew what normal was. I was never anorexic but I don't remember eating because my mother told me we were both picky. I have terrible teeth, and I'm overweight. I cut all my hair off because I make impulsive decisions... but it's growing back healthier! Just not fast enough. I've lost another job. This is the first one that got rid of me. I called in sick in my probationary period, because I was withdrawing.... And I have no help.... I don't want to go to the doctor anymore. I was free of pills and almost maybe doing okay but Effexor found its way??? And I've never felt the pain of trying to quit until now.. Hot and colds and puking all over the floor... financial issues are a big thing and my man cannot do it alone but I have no money and we are slowly diminishing. I don't want to eat when there is food, just so it'll last a bit longer... I need help but everyone is so damn quick to put the pills back in my mouth and make sure they're swallowed. I am probably a hereditary bipolar... if I would have been helped I might have done better. I started smoking a bit more pot and it gave me the confidence I needed to do research and learn... sometimes I try too hard to put together pieces of puzzles I don't understand and I start to sound crazy to anyone looking to listen or judge... I'm on my period and I'm practically anemic, so the withdraws are definitely just the cherry on top aren't they? I do my best late at night... I forgot to take a pill to wean myself off of and it was so bad. The last few days I took 3 then took the risk of 2 but managed to take 1 and live... maybe I can handle the pains if I sleep more. I don't feel like I have a reason to live, so maybe sleeping will help me catch up. I'm hungry.... I didn't think I'd write this much... or anything at all. I am thankful for this forum... thankful so many can submit stories to compare. I was an ugly child, but I was somewhat smarter than most when it came to random things. I think the fact there were too many people in the room made it harder to learn. It's hard to be a tomboy and a partial nerd when the boys want to touch you. When did becoming promiscuous get so easy? If I could take it all back, I would have stayed smart... but there were too many distractions. I think the drugs helped me even hear better and that made them so easy to take. Maybe the absence of them will influence a loss in this extra 40 pounds I carry. Maybe all of my problems were unknown withdraws from each and every new miracle drug. I smoke my weed to help me remember... I know some may disagree - but I am already damaged and I only reap the benefits. The ability to feel hunger... I only feel it when I'm starving and it's too late. Where do I go from here? I've been checked into the psychward as an adolescent many moons ago... I'm in my 20s and I don't want to be stuck there, and without my little kitty. He purrs when I cry, and makes everything okay. I even considered joining the army because I didn't mind dying, but I could never survive the time away. I think I will be okay in time... I hope it doesn't get too hard. I haven't taken any specific pill consistently, so I'm unsure of what to compare - and the doctor doesn't even know what she's giving me anymore. Oh. You're hurting? There's a drug for that. Let me write you something. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening... Good vibes only, please. I used to be so quick to judge and assume people want to yell DEPRESSED because it's trendy... when the 20 something years of pain is something I'd never wish on my worst enemy... I know the difference now, and all I want to do is help people. My problem is all I do is help everyone else and I'm left to pick up my own pieces that I didn't know were missing in the process.
  25. Hello everyone, hope you are all hanging in there! Welcome to my story. I have included the basics within my signature and will expand where needed. I have only recently found this site, it seems it's going to be somewhere I'll be spending a lot of my time in the near future. Benzodiazepines I've dealt with the nightmares of Benzo withdrawal many times, panic attacks, heart palpitations and the endless list of ailments that come with it. My history of Benzo's began two years ago and I've tried many times to withdraw and remain withdrawn. I recently went my longest time ever (70 days) and was feeling better and better every week. I knew protracted withdrawal symptoms were bound to come in waves, but I kept telling myself I was over the worst. Then began the breakdown.... Mirtazapine My only other medication was good ole Mirtazapine (Remeron). I have also been on that for the same length of time but dosages, where somewhat, consistent when compared to my benzo usage. I had been on various dosages of Mirtazapine, over the two years I think I was always wanting to come of it but knew it was definitely having a positive effect on my sleep. I just had the mindset of not wanting to be dependent on any meds, due to my experience with benzo's. The Breakdown - INSOMNIAC I was 70 days clear from benzos, I felt immensely proud and positive about the future. Sometime during these 70 days, I began to lower my dose of Mirtazapine (30mg) to 22.5mg and then two/three weeks later I went down to 15mg. The week I was on 15mg I was just not feeling right, felt like flu-like symptoms, but mostly a heavy chest and overall lethargic feeling. I remember that I woke up a couple hours before my alarm one morning, something I've never done in the past. So I said to myself, "I'm going to go back up to 30mg and I bet this felling goes away". I took 30mg and the next day the symptoms had cleared up a lot, but then came that nightime...I couldn't fall asleep. I'd took 30mg for the second nigh but was not falling asleep. This had never happened before. As the hours went by, I became more panicked and more tired, which is disastrous when in benzo recovery. My heart was flopping every 15 seconds, so I took 6mg Diazepam and calmed. I still couldn't sleep though. Went to the doctors, void of sleep, and they gave me 7.5mg of Zopiclone. It put me to sleep for about 3 hours only. I visited the doctors non-stop over 5 days due to the insomnia and was prescribed Amiltriptiline (10mg), Hydroxyzine (25mg), Zopiclone (7.5mg), Propranolol (10mg) and Diazepam (10mg) - all in the space of a week. At one point I went three days without sleep and was exhausted and delirious. The doctors said to me, "if you can't sleep then take all the meds you've been prescribed". NONE OF THOSE MEDS MADE A DIFFERENCE. Zopiclone worked early on for a few hours sleep but during my three days awake, I was taking them all at different intervals and would remain wide awake. I am currently on 30mg Mirtazapine a night and 10mg Diazepam but I literally feel like I am not asleep. Ten hours will go by and I feel like I've been conscious the whole time, My girlfriend said I was snoring at one point though. I mentioned my reduction of Mirtazapine leading up to episode and he has put me up to 45mg, a dosage I was rarely on during my use of Mirtazapine. I've done a lot of internet searching and have diagnosed my self with a thousand different things. During this time I found out about all the horror stories on withdrawing from Mirtazapine. I realise now that I should not have been withdrawing from Mirtazapine until benzo's were long in the past, but I still feel like I don't know the cause. I've been asking questions like: -Could this be anything not related to Diazepam withdrawal or Mirtazapine withdrawal? -Could Mirtzapine have stopped working? -Was the insomnia a protracted withdrawal from Benzo's? - i thought less of this one after realizing that reinstating Benzo's never helped with the sleep at all. They've simply kept my anxiety symptoms at bay. It has been two weeks since I got back on 30mg of Mirtazapine and sleep is still the same. I worry the most because without sleep, I will be in a constant panic mode and stopping Benzo's this time would seem impossible. Sleep was the one thing that got me through the withdrawal of Benzo's. Thanks for anyone who read the above, seems like a lot of really genuine and helpful people on this board. I REALLY appreciate any thoughts and input.
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