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  1. Hi, I'm new to the site. You can see my withdrawal history below. This time I've managed to successfully taper from 10mg to 1mg escitalopram with only a few nasty hiccups along the way but am concerned at managing the last 1mg, particularly as I've become progressively less motivated over the month - not sure if this is a withdrawal effect or not. I think I need to keep much better records of how I'm feeling. I have downloaded some info from another part of the site for this. Also about to start seeing a psychologist for some help dealing with the fallout of a period of bullying in a social group which led to me leaving the group about 12 months ago and consequently losing a large part of the social support network which I'd painstakingly built up after the breakdown of my marriage (which was contributed to both by depression and the sexual side effects of SSRI's). I am aware that this could stir up a lot of trouble emotionally, but this is something I will discuss early on with the psych and prepare for. You may wonder why on earth I am trying to go off antidepressants at the same time as dealing with other issues. It's complicated, but basically there is no 'right' time to go off antidepressants - there is always going to be something to deal with - and the side effects are causing problems. So I thought this site might be helpful, and more constructive than pouring my heart out on social media sites at 2am to friends who really don't understand the problems of depression, let alone withdrawal.
  2. I was put on Prozac in 1992 for PMT. After years of being on this & doing ok I thought it was time to move on & being naive stopped cold in 1997. After a few weeks I felt awful, had crying fits, depersonalisation, anxiety. Visited the Doctor & she told me it was depression & would need to be on them forever, put back on 20mg. In 2002 my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer & I quit my counselling practice to nurse her. She sadly died in 2003. I was the strong one in the family & supported everyone, however I wanted to be clean of drugs & decided to taper slowly - 5mg every few months. Not knowing what was grief & what was withdrawal I had insomnia for months, literally could not drop off to sleep, averaging 3 hours from 3am -6am. Anxiety, fear, loose bowels/upset stomach (became afraid of food) started to restrict diet. Lost weight. Doctor thought I had colon problem (I didn't mention being off Prozac as I didn't consider it the issue, plus after certain things I witnessed with my mum had a huge mistrust of the Doctors) and wanted to run tests but I couldn't handle the stress of it. Cannot remember this period too well as I contracted a viral infection in 2005 & didn't recover from it properly. Couldn't drive, ride a bike, swim. Had physical pains. Anxiety, insomnia, no memory or concentration (couldn't read a book or watch TV) all consuming exhaustion. Whirring noise in head, woozy & waterlogged/ foggy sensation. After paying a lot of money received diagnosis from Psychiatrist of M.E/ CFS / Fibromyalgia & Clinical Depression. Put on 80mg Fluoxetine in 2006 (an SNRI was suggested but I refused) My husband had a breakdown at this point was put on Cipralex & I had to move out so he could recover. No one in my immediate family could cope with me, so eventually I was taken in by my (not very well known to me at the time Uncle 300 miles away, I lived outside in a caravan for 3 months through the winter). During that time I tapered down to 50mg as being on such a high dose scared me more than tapering. Came home in 2007 began tapering again slowly, eventually got to 30mg in 2011. 25mg throughout 2012, 20mg throughout 2013 & 15mg during 2014 - all through these years I put up with all previous withdrawal symptoms but used mindfulness techniques to help, along with paced out exercise & suppliments. I also had physiotherapy. Became ill Feb 2015 with chest infection. Then popped a rib coughing, lost where I was via dosage. Then got another infection 2 weeks ago. Panic set in & on Apr 9th went back to 20mg. Waiting to feel stabilised. ​I have a question - I have been reading about Histamine playing a role in withdrawal from certain meds - has anyone any experience with this in any way, I would be most grateful to hear. Thank you for your time & trouble in reading my introduction.
  3. Ok so I am making another attempt to introduce myself here. I have been trying, but whenever I start to write about my story I end up getting confused and angry, and I also have difficulty concentrating well enough to write coherently. To sum it up, it has been 16 years since I was first put on an SSRI when I was 19. Soon after I developed a host a strange and severe physical symptoms, along with deteriorating mental health. So, over the last 16 years,physically, I ended up with a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, lhermittes sign, "idiopathic" narcolepsy, central sleep apnea, Prolactinemia and other disorders, all of them of an unknown cause. Mentally (after an initial diagnosis of depression) I have experienced just about every illness under the sun: mania, extremely disordered thinking, PTSD, odd changes in behavior and personality, depersonalization, severe anxiety with unwanted thoughts and urges, SEVERE self-injury, repeated bouts of suicidality, self-destructive behavior, inability to connect to others, eating disorders, OCD, hallucinations, amnesia,nervous ticks, split personality...it goes on. In summary, over the course of the last decade and a half I have increasing felt like I am dying physically, and going crazy mentally. I was a bright and engaged student, writer, singer, runner, sister, daughter, and lover of life who was able to do almost anything she put her mind to and was full of hope for the future, and full of love for the people around her. I am now disabled, withdrawn into the black hole of my mind and have lost everyone and everything...down to losing the very inner core of myself. There is a part of me that remembers what I was like and can look at what and am now and see the complete and utter devastation of a soul. I spend my days like an old woman: completely alone, afraid to go to sleep at night and afraid to wake up in the morning, paralyzed during the day either too sick physically to do more than lay on the couch or too frantic mentally to do more than distract myself with TV. I am trapped inside of a body that is riddled with scars, losing it's hair and aging way too rapidly, I look out from eyes that don't work well any more, try to hear over the loud ringing in my ears and the constant chatter in my mind: I look in the mirror and I do not recognize myself anymore. For years I believed that I was just unlucky enough to have contracted a bunch of strange medical problems with no known cause. Now I am faced with the realization that I was actually a guinea pig. That each time I popped another pill that I had been told would cure my illnesses, I was actually causing them. I feel that I could not have caused more damage if I had been doing hard street drugs for the past 16 years. So I am angry. I AM ANGRY. And I am constantly frustrated and hopeless. There is no justice, no hope for a better day. Only the knowledge that I have been robbed of something very precious. The chance to have a life. I am stuck here. I am Iatrogenic Illness at it's worst. And I digress. I apologize for any unnecessary ranting or divulging of overly personal emotions. I have no one to talk to about this. I know that the name of this forum is Surviving Antidepressants and the point of the introduction is to talk about my the drugs I have taken and my withdrawing. Besides the first med I was given up until the last few years, I generally do not remember the dates at which I started/stopped medications or the dosages, so I will just list what I do remember to the best of my ability. First it was Zoloft in 1998, then 4 or five other SSRIs on and off until 2007. In 2007 I finally got health care and received the many diagnoses I mentioned above (Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome are the main ones). Then the prescriptions came so fast and steady, doctors trying one after another on me. This is what I remember: Neurontin, Lyrica, Amytriptaline, Cymbalta, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Cyclobenzaprine, Skelaxin, Tramadol, Adderal, Ritalin, Hydrocodone, Buspar, Doxepin, Lamotragine, Lunesta, Ambien, Rozerem, Trazodone, Lexapro, and Klonopin. I'm sure there are others I am not recalling right now. I have had so many adverse reactions to these drugs and combinations...but I was led to believe that it was all Fibromyalgia and CFS (as pretty much any weird physical or mental reaction you may have can be attributed to these conditions) By 2013, I was taking Lamotragine (off-label for anxiety and PTSD), Lexapro (off label for "nervous system disregulation and abnormal pain signal processing"), Hydrocodone, Adderall, Klonopin and Trazodone (for insomnia). In the previous year (since I had been started on Doxepin and Lamotragine) I had experience extreme cognitive decline, personality changes, inability to experience emotions and several bouts of amnesia along with long periods of being bed-bound. While I did find plenty of information that said all of these things could be attributed to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I also ran across information that stated these symptoms as side effects of anti-seizure medications. So in march of 2013 I began withdrawing from the Lamotragine and was off by May, and experienced a big improvement in my energy levels and ability to do things. This sparked an idea that the other medications may have been causing some of my symptoms. I started withdrawing from the Lexapro and was off by October, the worst of the withdrawal being brain zaps in the A.M. About that time I read an expose article online by a psychiatrist who had taken SSRIs and experienced disease caused by them. He mentioned the book Anatomy of An Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. I got the book from the library and read it. I read a few blogs of people's experiences of disease caused by psychogenic drugs. It all clicked for me. Wisdom comes suddenly. The "autonomic disregulation" and "nervous system hypersensitivity" that my doctors had been telling me were causing my illnesses were real...and it was no mystery as to the source...these problems had been caused by drugs whose known effect is to disrupt neuron signaling in the brain. I began withdrawing from the adderall and came off of that in about a month (I was only taking 2.5 mgs for fatigue in the A.M.). I am currently also withdrawing from the Klonopin, down to .75 mgs from 2 mgs. The Trazodone will be last, I take it and my Klonopin every night with the full knowledge that I am taking something that will cause me to feel horrible the next day, something that has ruined my life...poison. My experience withdrawing from these drugs has been different from what I have read so far here. I am going through most of the common horrors of it and a host of my own personal ones. But, I actually do not feel any worse than I have already at many, many times during the last decade. I attribute this to having been taken off many medications cold turkey and not realizing the impact of this and the effects of daily withdrawals as blood levels of these drugs drop when you are taking them regularly. I also think that for me, the effects of withdrawal have not been worse than the actual effects of just taking the drugs regularly. It all looks the same to me... taking the drugs, not taking the drugs: the damage has already been done. The only thing that makes this worse is the knowledge that I did this to myself, with the help of the medical system, and it's all going to be a footnote in the pages of medical history some day. Like lobotomy and a whole host of quack medical treatments that have been perpetrated on human guinea pigs over the centuries. I wish I had a time machine. I saw a good joke in one of the threads here: "What do you call 1000 big pharma execs at the bottom of the Ocean? A good start."
  4. Barelygettingby


    I have been on antidepressants for 23 years and Klonopin for the last 7 years for sleep issues. I tapered off of klonopin 9 months ago. After 3 months I thought I was doing great so I tapered off of citalipram. Been off citalipram for 6 months today. I struggle with insomnia, memory issues and mostly anxiety that seems at times out of control. I am taking fish oil, vitamin c, magnesium, vitamin b, vitamin e, and calcium I have some disk issues in my back that requires me to get a steroid shot in my back about once a year. The shot is coming up and idk whether I should get the shot or not since I am Going thru withdrawal. The shot requires a local before the actual shot. Any advice would be appreciated. I am new to this site and have never posted before
  5. Hello everyone, I've been reading for the last few days, and I thought I should introduce myself, and maybe get some help on a few issues I'm having. I started Cirpalex 20mgs 14, months ago after my 5th miscarriage. I was diagnosed with PPD, Anxiety and OCD. It was truly hell.. I wont go into details as Im sure you can imagine what it would be like to loose 5babies. After the miscarriage, my B12 was depleted and I wanted a shot of B12. My Dr told me it was better to do the cirpalex.. He said no research shows that B12 shots would help with my issues.. Anyways- regretting that choice now, but I needed help at the time- I felt desperate. I feel like he put a big bandaid on my issues. Im now correcting my B12, and other vitamin issues. I was horribly sick on 20mgs, so I went down to 10mgs. Stayed on 10mgs for about 8months. The last 4-5months I have weaned off slowly, but not the way this site recommends- I had no idea. My Dr actually told I could quit cold turkey cause 10mgs was such a low dose, but I knew in my heart to take it it slow. I decreased by 25% per month. I got a kidney infection, when I was on a dose of 2.5mgs every other day of Cirpalex and the ER Dr asked me to stop it as the antibiotic she put me had adverse side effects (cardio) with the Cirpalex. I weaned off the 2.5mgs, and have been off all meds for the last 2weeks. Over the last year on Cirpalex I felt like a zombie. I had no feelings, no reactions and no sex drive and never slept well. Im slowly getting my emotions back, and sleep is improving. Libido is still slow. The one main concern I have is I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I feel like Im stuck in a dream, and usually not a nice dream. Does that make sense. This is giving me anxiety, as I dont like the feeling at all. Hoping someone else can share some insight on the sleep issue. I know I didnt tapper off what is recommended on this site, but I had NO clue. If Iwould have listened to my Dr, I would have stopped cold turkey Thank you all for being so brave and open to sharing your stories. Its very encouraging. Blessings- Jess
  6. Hello. My name is Eddie and I am a month away from being 20 years old. I was a longtime reader of paxilprogress before it closed. It's been a while since I've gotten on the internet regarding my antidepressant withdrawal. Here is my story, and the questions I have. In the summer of my 17th year, I was put on Prozac. While I suffered no immediate problems on the SSRI (in fact, my grades and drive seemed to go up, as well as my libido), I foolishly decided that I would quit cold turkey one year later, as my doctor said he didn’t want me to come off of it. This turned out to be a decision I regret every day of my life. I went through the brain zaps, mood swings, decreased libido, impotence, everything. After a few months, my erectile dysfunction became less of a problem. Around that time I had started taking Wellbutrin 150mg and buspar 15mg twice a day, but I’m not sure if it was that or if it was the young woman I was with at the time – I loved her very much and she was very accepting of the fact that I wasn’t very sexual at the time, which seemed to actually help my condition. Fast forward a year later – I’m almost 20 years old, I have a relatively good grip around my life (no school, full-time job with good money, good friends), and I still feel the effects from flouxetine withdrawal. Though my sexual health is fine (different – I don’t get erections from simply fantasizing anymore) and I am able to perform, my biggest issues are with some of the other side effects I feel. First and foremost is the “dulling” of my life. Sometimes I feel like I’m simply observing life. Nature isn’t as breathtaking, colors aren’t as vivid, and I feel somewhat empty sometimes. I can still have fun – the withdrawal has turned me into an adrenaline junkie, in fact, because doing extreme things gets some of that old fire going. I still laugh, feel sad, feel happy, etc, but not without a sense of anxiety. Which is the second effect. The anxiety is absolutely awful. I have anxiety all the time, even if there is nothing wrong. Maybe it’s because I’m scared I’ll never feel the same again. I’m still trying to accept this fact – just because my life is different from everyone elses, doesn’t mean I can’t live it. Third, and this sort of ties in with the second, is that drugs don’t affect me the same anymore. Smoking weed used to be so much fun to me – it was vivid and colorful and uplifting. Now, it’s a little vivid and I think positively for the initial high, but then I get anxious and fidgety. I can’t even do psychedelics anymore, I get way too anxious. I’m sure all of you know what I’m talking about. Which brings me to my questions. My mother and sister are both on Zoloft, for depression and anxiety, respectively. Their lives have improved significantly since being on the drug. My sister used to rock back and forth chewing towels during her panic attacks. Now she no longer does that, feels happier, and her libido has gone up. Same thing with my mother. My mother told me I should consider trying a low dose of Zoloft alongside my wellbutrin and buspar. I told her my qualms with it, and she understands, but still thinks it would be worth a shot. I have come here to ask you for all your opinions on that – the good, the bad, the ugly, and most importantly, your experiences! My second question is this – are there any supplements that you, the good people of SA, recommend for brain health and recovery? I am planning on buying some inositol and choline to “resensitize” my receptors, as the internet puts it. At the very least, I heard inositol helps with anxiety and is good for your brain, along with B vitamins. And my third question – does anyone know the science as to why weed and psychedelics don’t affect me the same as they used to? Weed is hazy instead of vivid and somewhat anxious and psychedelics make me anxious as hell. I miss mary jane. I thank you all for taking the time to read this – I feel each and every one of your struggles and if you have any questions or comments for me, I will be happy to address them. God bless.
  7. Hello everyone. I am glad this place exists. I am currently trying to get off antidepressants and have read many posts on this forum. I would appreciate any advice on my current situation. Here are the basics: March 2001 At age 18, tried marijuana and a high dose of coricidan cough & cold (dextromethorphan) along with alcohol on spring break. Experienced a 'bad trip', freaking out and thinking I was going to die. For the next couple weeks I felt 'off': experienced dissociative feelings, derealization and anxiety (feared I would never feel back to normal) April 2001 Returned to "normal"June 2001 Developed a cold, and upon taking cough medicine, the dissociative feelings returned and I had a panic attack, fearing I had brain damage from taking the drugs which was causing the feelings, along with heart palpitations, minor chest pain and shortness of breath. Went to the ER and they gave me Valium to calm down. The next day the dissociative feelings were still strong. Went to my PCP and he prescribed Paxil 20mg to anxiety. I was also given Xanax to use when the panic feelings were too strong. Along with anxiety symptoms, noticed ringing in the ears after starting Paxil. July 2001 After 6-8 weeks, the dissociative feelings lifted. I felt more normal.August 2001 Although feeling better, still had problems with anxiety and depression at night, so PCP increased Paxil dose to 30mg. After increasing dose, noticed ringing in the ears again, along with mild dizziness/vertigo and dissociative feelings. PCP assured me that these symptoms would subside in a few weeks, and that every negative feeling was a result of the anxiety disorder, while the medicine was making them go away. January 2002 Felt better and under doctor's advice, began tapering from Paxil.February 2002, Ringing in ears got worse after stopping Paxil, as did dissociative feelings and anxiety. Doc prescribed Xanax as needed. (can't remember if I went back on Paxil) December 2002 Overwhelming anxiety, dissociative feelings, depression and panic attacks return. PCP placed me on Prozac 20mg January 2003 Experiencing chest pain and tightness, panic attacks, and extremely high heart rates when exercising. Higher than normal. Anxiety still bad. Doc reassured me I would be fine and this is normal. Taking xanax almost daily to control anxiety Panic attacks became intense, and anxiety was 24/7. No relief. Had to drop out of college and come home. A few weeks later, went to PCP and he took me off Prozac and put me back on Paxil. April 2003 Anxiety, dissociative feelings and panic attacks have gotten better, but still 'on and off'. Feel okay for a week then feel bad for a week. Doc puts me on Paxil CR 50mg. August 2003 Things have improved. Feeling more 'normal.' Able to enjoy things. Went to the doc wanting to lower dose of Paxil. He put me on 12.5mg. October 2003 Switched to Zoloft 200mg because symptoms were returning Felt back to "normal" after a few weeks and able to enjoy things again. January 2005 Lowered dosage to 200mg Zoloft because of weight gain and feelings of fatigueOctober 2005 Dissociative symptoms, anxiety and depression returning. Doc takes me off Zoloft and puts me on Wellbutrin XL 300mg May 2006 Diagnosed with sleep apneaOctober 2006 Symptoms return. Doc places me on Effexor XR 150mg. After a few weeks feel back to "normal". Able to enjoy things again. September 2008 Wanted to get off medication for good. After getting my wisdom teeth out and being on Vicodin, I thought that would be a good time to do it. 2 weeks later, I freaked out and things were AWFUL. Went to the psychiatric ER and immediately restarted Effexor XR. Felt back to "normal" after a few weeks. July 2012 Begin having "episodes" where i feel lightheaded, and a "wave" feeling comes over me. This is accompanied by a significant raise in pulse and blood pressure, extreme panic and anxiety, and dissociative feelings. The episodes last about 10-15 minutes. Often times I vomit. They seem to happen after a lack of sleep, drinking lots of caffeine, or smoking too many cigarettes. Attack becomes so severe I head to the ER. They do tests, all come back negative. Over the next few months, these episodes become more frequent, and anxiety in between these episodes goes up. November 2012 Wake up in the middle night. Extreme fear and panic. Heart RACING. I call 911 and an ambulance has to come pick me up. At ER, all tests are negative and they give me xanax. Go to a psychiatrist who takes me off Effexor XR and puts me on Lexapro. Anxiety gets worse over the next two months. January 2013 Anxiety is worse than it has ever been. It is absolutely unbearable. Like a 24/7 panic attack from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Psychiatrist puts me back on Effexor XR 150mg, and Klonopin 25mg 3x daily to keep me from freaking out. Things are AWFUL. Like a mental pain and anguish as iff someone is constantly shaking my head. I can't even describe how awful it is. March 2013 Things have not improved. Pdoc raises my dosage to 225mg of EffexorXR. After a few days, things get even WORSE. They are so bad I have to go to the ER and we decide to put me in an inpatient facility. After a couple days in there, I realize there is nothing they can do for me other than mess with medications. I got out of there after a couple days.May 2013 Things have not improved. I decide to enter a partial hospitalization program where I go in for half the day. They do all sorts of classes about mood and attitude and stuff but this is a physical feeling of mental anguish and pain, not a state of mind. They try to convince me it is a state of mind and I can talk my way out of it. Pdoc tries to increase Effexor XR dosage again. Symptoms get even WORSE. My heart rate races up to 150bpm just walking down the street. BP is up to 140/100. (normally 120/80) June 2013 We finally decide to taper me off Effexor XR and back on to Zoloft. It takes about 2 months, but I finally get off Effexor and onto Zoloft. The transfer was HELL. I would have episodes of extreme anxiety and mental pain, and moments where it felt like my brain was being electrically 'charged up.' Every night I went to bed thinking I was going to die in my sleep. I wish there was a way to describe my anguish. Now taking 200mg Zoloft and 25mg Klonopin 3x daily August 2013 Not getting better. Discover benzobuddies.org. Decide I need to get off the Klonopin. It is making me feel drugged and fatigued and unable to live life. And makes me feel like my legs are tingling and asleep all day. Begin my slow taper from Klonopin. Every time I make a cut it SUCKS... November 2013 Finally get off the Klonopin It's rough for a while, but SLOWLY gets better February 2013 At this point I am able to have moments where I'm not thinking about the anxiety/mental pain. This is a step forward. I still have dissociation and derealization, no 'clarity', mental fog, confusion, unable to organize thoughts, feeling ADHD all the time... but slowly improvingApril 2014 Feeling better. No 'painful' anxiety. Only taking 200mg Zoloft daily. Still have dissociation and derealization and anxiety and depression. Can't feel excitement, love, passion, sex drive, etc. I want to get off all medications. I have felt better since getting off effexor and Klonopin, although it has taken so long. I want to get off Zoloft, but I'm not sure when to begin. Because I am not completely better, I am afraid I will get worse if I try to taper now. But I am ALSO afraid that if I do not taper soon, I will get worse and need more medications to help. Advice??? Thank you :-) Edit: I have always been told that all these symptoms are from my anxiety disorder. After years of research, I'm wondering if the original anxiety was from the imbalance, but all these other problems are from the medications. Do I need medications to get better? Or do I need to taper off them to get better. That is my fear :-(
  8. SalsaShark

    SalsaShark: Hello?

    I've been taking Cymbalta for 6 years and had to switch to Effexor due to the Cymbalta going generic. I've gotten down to 75mg once a day, but I'm scared because I know these meds have messed with my mind (due to the seriousness of my withdrawal symptoms). I'm scared to be here, but also hopeful that I can break this cycle of being addicted to this horrible med.
  9. BLandry


    My name is Bryan. I have been on several antidepressant/anti-anxiety medications over the last thirteen years. I've taken Paxil, Zoloft, Abilify, CymbaIta, Seroquel and Pristiq. was on Cymbalta for about eight of those years. For the last two months I have been on Pristiq. I have come to realize that these antidepressants have been more trouble than they're worth, at least the ones I have taken. I am trying, right now, to taper off the Pristiq. I am here to communicate with others who have had the same issues and get some advice and support.
  10. Hi All, CC (Crazy Canuck) here. A bit about myself. First experience with psych meds was about 7 years ago during a very stressful time in my life. Stress seems to exacerbate my "conditions" which seems to be a combination of mild to moderate (ADD, OCD, GAD and likely a few others). When I was first put on an SSRI (Celexa) 7 years ago my world got turned upside-down and I have been on this merry-go round ever since. I had a complete paradoxical reaction to the SSRI - went from being moderately depressed and anxious to a complete and utter basket case. My GP at the time didn't put 2 and 2 together and simply upped the dose. Finally after trial and error, Cipralex and klonopin seemed to take the edge off, but then a host of other things popped up, so more meds were added (Sound familiar)? Looking back - I am convinced most of my problems are due to polypharmacy. Finally met a pdoc a few years back who agreed and we've been working together ever since. Life has been pretty good I must admit - I have now decided its time to get back to basics and rid myself of these meds one by one. I have managed to get off Klonipin, but it took a long time - 2 years. I probably could have done it much more quickly, but I just followed a schedule that my body/mind could deal with - with minimal interference in my life (Work family etc). I am on relatively low doses of everything (see signature below). But I am very sensitive to these meds, so I want to do it systematically and properly. This is why I am here. Best, CC
  11. didimar

    Didimar: Hello...

    Hello, Today I have finally gathered the courage to introduce myself. I've been reading posts and going through forms on this website for a while now. I have actually been taking anti-depressants for a long time. I started with paxil and the ever-present assurances that this was non-habit forming, etc. etc. The REAL problem was that I had gone through surgical menopause, my body was not adapting well to synthetic hormones and I was understandably sad about learning I wouldn't be able to have children - only one year after getting married. I just needed someone to talk to and help me process all my feelings. But everyone was pushing antidepressants because they were quick and no, not addictive. The paxil was way too strong and the side effects were horrible. But anytime I would try to switch to another AD, I would get really sick. It was pretty clear to me that getting off Paxil was the problem, but my doctor scoffed at the idea. Anyway, with the exception of a few short time periods, I've been on AD's ever since. Several months ago, I found the post about how to make a liquid solution of celexa for a slow taper. I started reading through this website, and finally, last month I worked up the nerve to try. I guess it's been a month now. In hindsight, it was probably not the best time to start it because this is a horrible allergy season. So, not only did I get allergies, but they have been compounded by the the "flu-like" symptoms of withdrawals. People keep wondering why I haven't been to a doctor, but I know that it won't make a difference.... I'm still physically ill, but I think it's the withdrawal. And today was the first day that I think I've really had the "emotional" aspect of withdrawal show up. A co-worker and I had a disagreement, and I think if I were in a better state, I would have handled it better. I don't really think I was in the wrong, but sometimes it's better just to let things go. And today I didn't. But it's not the end of the world, and the situation will clear up in time. But I decided I might start posting on this board. Some support would be good. Anyway, I'm just starting, and this first "taper" will be the biggest I ever do. I will probably wait another week before I try another taper... That's all for now.
  12. I have experienced depression for... well forever, since before first grade. I saw a therapist a few times when I was 11, but my dad thought I was being troubled by demons so that was a short lived and useless experience. I was in therapy again for a few months at 16 for behavioral problems. This was more helpful. I learned some coping skills. My first experience on anti-depressants was almost accidental. In my mid 20's I had what I can only describe as a psychotic reaction to some prescription diet pills. I stopped taking them abruptly because they were causing anxiety. I was sleeping literally 10 hours a week and believe I became delusional from sleep deprivation. This led me to a psychiatrist who prescribed xanax and halcion-- which I overdosed on 2 days later. (The only time I ever took either of these.) *This* got me a week in a mental hospital where I first became acquainted with anti-depressants. I was diagnosed bipolar which I really don't think I ever was. I took luvox and depakote for a couple of months, then stopped with no noticeable effects. 10 or so years passed in which I just lived with my depression. In 2009 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was prescribed neurontin which I stopped taking after two months because of the side effects. I was miserable and exhausted and gained 70 lbs. Im not positive, but i think this is when the brain shocks started. Months later, when the fibro pain was intolerable, I went to a gp and asked for cymbalta. Within a week, I realized I hadn't felt any pain at all in days. Several months later, due to an insurance change, I was changed to celexa. It worked almost as well for the pain. But I mainly continued to take it because I enjoyed the emotional disconnect. Over the past three years since then I've gotten older and more medications were added for insulin resistance, high blood pressure, etc... I started going to a chiropractor in october. An untreated injury in early childhood left my spine all messed up. After a couple of weeks, I just... started feeling better. I decided to stop taking all the medicine which I believe were reacting with each other in unhealthy ways. Stopping the celexa was hard, but it was the protonix I was really scared to give up. That gerd terrifies me! I haven't taken any medicine since then, including nsaids, except for a five day round of steroids and a steroid shot for an injured ankle. I do take a digestive enzyme most days. It helps a lot with the gerd, which is still scary. I think the celexa Wd is gone for the most part. The brain shocks never went away since the neurontin 5 years ago, and I still experience them throughout every day. My fibro pain is very manageable for now. But I am still depressed and I really, really miss the emotional disconnectedness I got from the celexa and cymbalta. The uncontrollabe neuro emotions lasted a couple of weeks following my cold turkey cessation. Now, I guess I am back to my normal state of abject foul moodiness.
  13. Hi, My signature pretty much explains where I'm at now, except I no longer feel suicidal (just really depressed by the sensitivity to so many foods supplements). I should have mentioned that I took the Risperidone for 5 days (1mg in evening) but it made me numb (could still feel the sensitivities but they did did not bother me. Had burning sensations in my legs, arms, even when I tried to walk (kind of like constant sunburn) but that has subsided with the citalopram. Definitely not strong enough to start a taper on that yet, and am going to work on trying to get off the sleeping tablets (been on them a week). Nobody believes what is wrong with me. Docs are treating it as some sort of anxiety-related delusion. My wife thinks I'm bi-polar, which is really hurting. I lover her and I think she wants to see the calm that the Risperidone brought about in 5 days. I am just at a loss as to what to do. I haven't been in work now in 3 weeks (off sick), and am trying to stay positive, but I could do with some really good practical advice on how to cope. I used to be able to train, and cannot do that now, other than go for gentle walks, but even that was triggering my anxiety for a bit. I don't want to move up on the citalopram anymore. The sort of things I need to know are: I pushed through the 'kindling' effect of fluoxetine. Has anyone pushed through this with supplements? Inositol is supposed to be good for depression but I tried to push too hard and my system now rejects it. Is Lamictal good for taking the edge off the 'Fight or Flight' response in very low doses? I currently experience severe anxiety when I go into town, but this never happened to me before I came off the fluoxetine. Is exposure therapy a way of teaching my system to cope with this or would it strain it? I don't want to become a complete shut in because the reality is I will have to go back to work in a few weeks. I have 4 young children and bills to pay. My work is busy now, but not as stressful as it used to be. I just really need to hear how people have learned to cope with this sensitivity. I don't want or need horror stories. I love my wife and children dearly and need some encouragement now, and practical advice for living with this. Thanks all. P.S. Alto, I read that you had been treated by someone who was helping you heal your CNS? No doctor here believes what is wrong with me (all pushing pills). Sorry if I've missed it, but if you could post anything at all about this experience and practical tips to help heal I'd really appreciate it.
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