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  1. This site has been a sanctuary for several months and I would like to thank AltoStrata, her fellow Admins and all posting members for the invaluable information shared in the various forums. In this most confusing and isolating phase of my life so far, you have all helped me to feel less alone, less confused, and important teachers. I believe I may have created a meds signature line in my sign-up form, but if not I will correct that shortly. Briefly, I realized I was in a polypharmacy rut in February of this year. Prozac 10 or 20 mg (?) from early 1997 to early 1998. Newly sober, the Paxil caused "speediness" and I was switched to Paxil - Paxil 20mg/day (depression/anxiety) from 1998 to approximately Spring 2007. I simply stopped taking it after running out, was in long-term therapy and did not think twice about leaving such a "small thing" behind. Even though there were large stressors at work. The state of lability, extreme depression, dysphoria, DP, DR (terms I did not know then) were horrendous. I returned to the original psychiatrist who tried me on various other meds for a hellish 2 months, never once mentioning I might be in withdrawal from stopping the Paxil. The last straw was an Effexor trial, which put me in a state of agitation, physical heat, and inability to leave bed beyond imagination. It took months to find a new Psychiatrist, which happened about February 2008. He felt I had simply been on too small a Paxil dose - I had heard about "poop out" by that time but he dismissed it - I had not heard about withdrawal on Paxil cessation and he did not mention it. He put me back on Paxil and built up slowly from 10 to eventually 60mg. Unfortunately I don't remember the timeline for that buildup. However, 60mg became the maintenance dose at which I remained until Feb. 2017 of this year - nearly 10 years. He also became my psychotherapist and had a wonderfully humane aspect to him to which I attribute most of the great healing that happened over the first 3-4 years. My life became strong and rich and fulfilling again - in all areas. In 2010 there was a collision of traumatic stressors in work and family. As well, somatic experience of panic, high anxiety and heart palpitations such as I'd never experienced since childhood episodes of severe abuse became frequent. I made certain decisions in my life. We continued the meds and the therapy. In June (?) 2012 - after months of persistent inner agitation, weepiness, anxiety (following death of family member), he added Ativan 0.5 at night. A year later he added another 0.5 in the am. A year after that he added another 0.5 at noon. I can not know with any certainty but based on everything that I have read about tolerance and withdrawal with Paxil and Ativan, I believe that I experienced pre-taper withdrawal-like symptoms for several years. I wish I had known then - when he began adding the benzo to the Paxil - what I know now. I had trusted him so completely as a person and a professional. Fast forward to February 2017. He announced abruptly that he was closing his practice - in 3 months. We had been working together for about 9 years. The anxiety caused by the announcement led him to increase my RXs for Paxil to 80 and to double Ativan to 1mg 3 times a day. He acknowledged that the 2 drugs did not appear to be "working" or "ideal" anymore. Sadly I think his priority at that point was to get to the end of the three months without liability - so it was easier to simply up the meds and "explore referral options." Two months on the upped prescriptions saw me living like an outpatient in a chemical straightjacket - as a full on zombie. I found my way to Mad in America and the literature on iatrogenic psychotropic drug injuries, the psychiatric profession's blind faith in the hypothesis of the "chemical imbalance", and the frightening stories about withdrawing from SSRIs and benzodiazepines - especially the 2 I was prescribed. This was all quite frightening and overwhelming. I was able to find a wonderful and sympathetic therapist. The zombie straightjacket was too much. I decided to taper myself back to my "baseline" though no-longer-working (even according to the Psychiatrist) polypharmacy of Paxil 60mg and Ativan .05 3 times a day. I did that from April to August. Symptoms ranging from extreme loss of appetite, acute DP/DR, extreme and sudden heart palpitations and anxiety, and a slow-motion hyper depressive grey movie in the background looping "this is the end of the road for me" movies - but always behind a screen. The gestalt in terms of doing anything is a 1000 mile distance between a flourishing idea or thought and any action to carry it out. Including washing dishes! The search for a meds doctor who is sympathetic to a patient wishing to taper off psychotropic drugs that no longer work and are causing is still on. I will be meeting one next week, and I believe his name does appear on a list of potentially knowledgeable providers somewhere on this site. I will report back. He appears to be familiar with tapering patients off psychotropic drugs and he is also a holistic treater with experience in acupuncture, something called "functional psychology" (?), and other holistic practices. Thanks to SA I shall have with me a lot of information to discuss - very calmly - with him, including the formula of tapering 10% (vs. last dose), listening to the body even within a tapering protocol, and the question as to whether the Paxil or the Ativan should be tapered first. (I saw a psychiatrist one month ago who wrote out a taper schedule for Ativan that was very aggressive - I modified it and have "held" at an early stage after feeling my body rebelling and reading here about the 10% recommendation. Same psychiatrist was ready to have me start tapering Paxil simultaneously until I mentioned perhaps it was not a great idea and he very quickly agreed. Those fancy degrees, Research Hospital affiliations, decades of experience .... That's another story.) I wish to thank you all from the bottom of my heart - for being here.
  2. KaterTot3


    Hello, i hope im doing this right. I'm the spouse. My husband (married 10 years) has been on Paxil for years. He’s a combat veteran who struggled with re integration, anger and anxiety. The VA first out him on Zoloft, a rather high dose, and he was a zombie. Finally got him to request they change it, and they put him on Paxil (I think 60mg but I could be wrong). They didn’t give him any information about side effects. He wasnt angry anymore, which was nice. But he would get shakey, irritable and anxious if he forgot to take just one dose. He slept a lot, getting him out of bed was impossible, he just *couldn’t* then came the sexual side effects. We tried everything, and I internalized his inability to finish. I would softly cry while we tried and tried. He decided it was too high of dose, and began every other day cutting his dose in half, and right now I believe he is on a half dose daily. The last two years were especially rough. He was laid off from his well paying job and unemployed for almost a year. He started another job, but it’s seasonal so he was laid off all winter. We also have children in very busy travel sports. He finally started work again, but they sent him 6 hours away. He’s been living on his own there for about a month. He just goes to work and comes home. A week after our ten ten year anniversary, out of the blue he called and asked for a divorce. He said he loves me, he just isn’t in love, he feels happy alone. He doesn’t believe his PTSD is real, believes I cause his anxiety. i was devestated. We met when we were 18, I was there through boot camp, two deployments and 3 children. He’s my world. I immediately thought it might be his medication, an extension of the inability to finish in the bedroom. I started researching and I *think* I might be correct. I told him that he should consider his meds May be partially responsible for how he feels. We do have things to work on, but I don’t think it’s ubruptly marriage ending worthy stuff. He’s so, detached. Nothing phases him, it’s like everything that happens he could take or leave. He’s always been a quiet, reserved person but this is...different... it’s made me create my own distance, if he doesn’t care about anything why would I continue including him? He said since he feels “happy” alone, that it can’t be the medication. But he did agree to taper it off, very slowly. Hes been very distant, so I can’t ask him if he has begun tapering or if he still wants to. Since he doesn’t feel the medication is actually the problem. But I guess he wouldn’t, would he? He said he still wants the union to send him back home, and he will live in the house while we figure stuff out. He agreed that if we work on our individual stuff that we might have a chance but just doesn’t feel it. I have no no idea what to do right now. I don’t know how to best support him (regardless of the outcome). I don’t know if presenting him with the research will be helpful or anger him. Leave him be and hope for the best? If he tapers will his “real” feelings, good or bad, return? I can’t let our family implode without considering this, trying every avenue to bring him back to us.
  3. I came off Paxil over the last 3 months and was doing well. I started Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (rTMS) rTMS is a safe, alternative and effective, non-invasive neurostimulation treatment for patients suffering with depression who do not respond to antidepressant medications OR who cannot tolerate medication side effects. i change my diet completely. I exercised every day , but I think like many I was over confident and went too fast. I reluctanly decided to reintroduce ri and small dose of 2.5 mg of the 50 I was originally taking. I hope to see some success as my symptoms are nailing me like a truck hitting a stop sign. I will post my results positive or negative going forward. Eugene
  4. Ozil

    Ozil off Paxil

    I have been in this paxil drug for 3 year and quit it cold turkey. And has been sober for last 3 year,. But these years were like a hell to me. The mood swings insomnia stomach pain panic attack rest leg syndrome etc made my life miserable. Still these especially insomnia hit back and feel miserable. I wish never have taken this paxil.
  5. Hello everyone, Glad to find this forum as I have been lost without advice and the GP is clueless. I am also a health care professional myself. So I was started on Seroxat/Paxil in 2001( 20mg ) and have been on it for over 16 years. Altering doses but hovered around 10mg on the liquid form for majority. I then decided this year to taper and went too fast. I went from 10mg to 2mg in around 4 months. I then kind of crashed only a few weeks ago. I then upped my dose to 8mg and have been on that dose for 5 weeks. I still feel crap and all the initial ssri side effects of when I originally started. Horrific. My question is how long do I wait at 8mg to feel better or at least balance? My plan is to wait until week 8 and if no improvement up my dose to 12mg but its taking me in the wrong direction. I want to come off this drug. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated??
  6. Link to BrassMonkey's success story Hi All--I go by Brassmonkey, but you can also call me Tom. I new to this group but mnot new to WD. I started on 20mg of Paxil 19 years ago and over the years built up to 40mg. Aboth three years ago it stafted causing mre problems than it helped. I was constently in a fog, couldn't remember anything more than a few seconds, had balance problems and very heavy night sweets. My drinking was also out of control. After some serious "discussions" with my wife I decided I had better do something. My Dr said "if you want off, then just quit." I knew better from when I had to change from 30 CR to 30 regular and there was a problem with the Rx. Some web research lead me to a forum that suggested tapering at 10% a month. Sounded good to me, not being one to leave a good thnig alone, I decided to sneek up on the 10% by dropping 2.5% a week for 4 weeks and then holding for an additional 2 weeks. In the past 14 months I have dropped from the 40mg to 13.7mg and have to say that I have had very little trouble with the WD symptoms. They are there, but are fairly easy to handle. A few weeks after starting my taper I joined AA and CTed the 15 oz a night vodka habit I had developed. I'm technically not sober 'cause I still enjoy 2 beers on most nights, but it's nothing like I was drinking. I recently switched from AA to DDA (dual diagnosced anon) and find that they tend to understand the AD problems a lot better. Oh yes, and my wife is very happy with the positive changes I have made. That's the basics, I'll blither on more as the topics arise.
  7. I am using Paxil for 19 years now and decided together with my doctor to bring the dose down and eventually stop altogether. Everything is stable in my life, and the summer is coming in Alaska. I went from 60mg to 40mg in a few months, but I experience flu like symptoms now. After looking on the web I found this site with success stories about slowly tapering. I am going up to 50mg now and as soon as I am stable will start tapering.
  8. Hi everybody, I have been reading this site for a while, but I didn't have the push to write my story. I was hoping to be free of Paxil forever and I was planning to write my success story after half a year, or one year. But this plan changed 2 weeks ago, when I had a breakdown I started on Paxil, 2 and a half years ago, after another breakdown, worse than now, I was not functional, couldn't exit the house alone, dizzy, miserable. Paxil helped me (with a delay, a psychiatrist bumped it up to 20mg, and this hurt not helped). I recovered. I started slowly decreasing to 17.5, 15, 12.5, 10, 7.5, 5, 3.7, 2.5, at least one month at each step. It was not easy, I had different symptoms, brain zaps, tremors (even if nobody could see me trembling), dizziness, but it was manageable. I have been working full time all this time. I became free of Paxil 3 months ago, just before holidays, when I had some time off. Again, I had symptoms in the first weeks, but it was bearable. And then, slowly I started feeling worse and worse, under control until 2 weeks ago, but after some stress at work (nothing out of extraordinary, nothing I didn't go through before) I had this new crash. The problem is a very high anxiety level, I wake up trembling inside, and feel my stomach in a knot all the time I am awake. I am continuously in high alert, I cannot relax. I can hear my heart beating all the time, I am scared without reason. After a couple of days like that I became very tired. I sleep relatively well, this is the only moment when I relax (but even then, I wake up after 6 hours, difficult to sleep back). Yesterday I took 1 mg of Paxil in the afternoon (I still have a lot of pills from last year), and after only one hour the high anxiety went away. Instead I got dizzy, lightheaded, the veil on my brain is back This morning I took 2mg and I plan to continue like that, better slightly dizzy than trembling. I know that 2 mg is a very low quantity, just one tenth of the "therapeutic" dose, but for me it feels like a lot. This looked like the only solution right now. I tried different supplements before, nothing helped, not even Magnesium or Omega 3 - they didn't hurt either ( the B vitamins did hurt, but I had not taken them for a long time). I am not drinking coffee, not eating chocolate, I avoid sugars, I try to eat balanced and healthy.
  9. Hi, I took Paroxetine for a long time in my life, probably around 3-4 years. Recently it stopped working so well for me and I decided that I wanted to change back onto citalopram which had worked for me previously. I tapered down from 40mg to 0 by going down 10mg each week. I know this is pretty rapid but I was eager to start my my medication. I started citalopram about 6 weeks ago, and out of no where I have been hit with some pretty harsh symptoms: severe anxiety (especially in the mornings); fatigue; blurred vision; chills; shakiness; dizziness; and nausea being the most prominent. I am wondering if this is a relapse or if this is SSRI discontinuation syndrome. Has anyone else experienced this condition 6 weeks after having finished taking an antidepressant? Or is it more likely that I'm just going into relapse because citalopram isn't effective enough?
  10. I started taking Paroxetine 20mg in 2012. Prescribed by my GP for what was then mild anxiety and low mood. I decided to come off of the paroxetine in Januay 2016. Had enough of being an asexual zombie. The drugs did little for me anyways. Started a slow taper and got down to 10mg once weekly by September 2017. If I didn't dose for longer than a week I would get agitated and angry. 10mg was enough to make me calm for a week or so.... On 24th September 2017 I decided complete withdrawal would be impossible and that maybe I would be better off going back on the paroxetine full-time. I started taking 10mg daily without a doctor's supervision. Five days later I became suicidal for the first time in my life...bearing in mind before this I had always been pretty much emotionally stable. I went to A & E suffering severe agitation/depersonalisation and several other worrying symptoms such as intrusive thoughts about attacking loved ones (something which I would never do or ever think about before). I was given diazepam to get me through the next few days. I vowed never to touch SSRIs again. I have not taken any paroxetine since the crisis on 29th September. The last 2 weeks have been the worst 2 weeks of my life. I went to see a psychiatrist privately - he diagnosed me with bi-polar and prescribed me Seroquel (quetiapine). I am NOT bi-polar, my brain has been destroyed by paroxetine. My daily symptoms are: psychomotor agitation, intrusive thoughts about violence, feeling empty, no emotion at all, electric shock sensations all through my body, panic, crying etc I know the sensible thing would probably be to go on prozac for a while, but after almost throwing myself in front of a bus after just a few days on paroxetine, to me, it's not worth the risk. I just want to ride this out and hopefully get better. I want to be in control of my thoughts and emotions again. At the moment my thoughts and emotions are controlling me. This is not a problem I had before paroxetine. I'm just worried that I'll remain this nervous wreck forever. Can anyone relate to this? Especially the intrusive thoughts, which is what worries me most. Does it get better? Regards, Clearmind
  11. I have been on Paxil since the fall of 1998, when I was 19 years old. I'm now 38. I don't remember the dose I started with but at one point was up to 50 mg per day. Now I'm on 30 mg per day, plus 150 mg of wellbutrin per day. My doctor and I want to stop it. She has reduced me from 30 to 20 mg per day. It's only been 6 days. But I'm experiencing night sweats and shaking, nausea, headaches, dizziness, etc. She wants me to do 20 mg for a month, and then go to 10 mg for a month, and then stop. This seems ... faster than it should be. I am attempting to make an appointment with a psychiatric NP at my therapist's office.
  12. Hello, I am a 30 years old female from Belgium, so I am really sorry if my English isn't perfect, my mother tongue is French. I discovered this website a few months ago and it has been a huge relief because I didn't know what was happening to me and why I felt so horrible. This is my story: I began taking Seroxat (Paxil) 15 mg when I was 18 years old for generalized anxiety disorder. It worked wonders for more than 10 years, I had a few side effects in the beginning, but nothing really disturbing. I felt great during the time I was on Paxil. When I told someone I took antidepressants, they couldn't believe me because I am such an happy and outgoing person. One year ago I decided to reduce the Paxil because me and my boyfriend were thinking of having kids. I weaned myself of the medication, but I did it way to fast I think because when I got to 5 mg taper, I completely crashed. I then experienced awful symptoms I had never experienced before like; Extreme anxiety, crying spells, extreme depression, suicidal thoughts, intense insomnia, desperation, obsessions (I could only thing of brain tumors, was really obsessed with the idea I was going to get one), tremors, muscles spasms, heart palpitations, auditive hallucinations ect... Pure HELL. That was in August 2016. I immediately increased my Paxil dosis with 5 mg, so I was taking 10mg a day, thinking that I would get better, but I didn't. I knew there was something really wrong with me and that this was not just the return of my generalized anxiety, but something much more devastating and completely out of my control. When I told my dad, who is a doctor, that I thought I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms he just said that it was impossible, because I was now back at 10mg a day and suggested I increased my dosage to 15mg, the dosage I was taking initially, which I did. Anyway, the symptoms persisted and I was sure that I was getting nuts and that I would never feel normal again. I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time in my life and he put me on a other AD Lexapro 20mg , Amisulpride 100mg (antipsychotic) and on Xanax1mg/day . I took these combination of drugs during approximately 3 months, but didn't feel real improvement. In January 2017 though, I experienced my first "window"! I didn't know what was happening at the time. I suddenly felt really better and I thought Ok, that's it now I am healed, I beat it. But unfortunately, this didn't last really long because a few days later I crashed, feeling depressed, and extremely anxious again. This lasted for a few weeks and I decided to go back to the psychiatrist to try to understand why I was feeling so miserable again. He couldn't answer my question and suggested I increased the dosage of my 3 meds I was taking. I did increase the Lexapro and the Amisulpride but decided to quit Xanax, as I knew benzodiazepines are very addictive. A few weeks later as I didn't see any positive changes in my mental state, I decided, to quit the Amisulpride and to go back on a high dose of Paxil (60mg). Throughout the past 6 months, I can say that my overall wellbeing really improved in comparison with last year, I am still experiencing waves and windows, so I can say it get's better, but this is soooooooo extremely sloooooooow and so reaching at times. I noticed also that my waves are getting longer, and that the windows get better each time I have one and they slowly get longer. But I don't see a real pattern in them. It's completely random.. Is this normal? When I am in a window, I am quite confident that I will get better one day, but when I experience a wave, like the wave I am experiencing now, I feel deep despair, and I feel I'll never get better and that I better just end my life now. It's freaking horrible. The most disturbing part of all this is that I have no idea when the wave is going to end, and when I am in the wave, I have the impression that I'll never get a window again. I am really scared now, because the wave I am in right now is a quite long one. My previous waves lasted for approximately 2 to 5 days, but this one is longer. I am at day 7 now. Can it be caused by the fact that I got really drunk a few days ago? Can alcohol make my wave last longer you think? I try my best to eat healthy, to exercise and I also take fatty acid, as I read here that it could help. But sometimes I just want to escape feeling miserable and drinking helps with that, even though it's temporary. So here is my story. I hope it is clear and that it's not to long. Do you think there is hope I'll ever feel normal again? Thank you very much in advance for your answer! Bless you all. Mariejo
  13. I’m just beginning my tapering journey and feeling very angry with everything. Would love some hope, a light at the end of this! Please tell me your success stories...
  14. Hi all, Was on Paxil for 8 months for Somatization, Chronic Pelvic Pain which struck 4 years back....now I am suffering from Hypersomnia for last two years after stopping Paxil. Could Paxil withdrawal lead to hypersomnia or it could be depression that is causing Hypersomnia? Has anyone else experienced hypersomnia post stopping Paxil or anyone diagnosed with depression having Hypersomnia?? Please help. Hypersomnia is hell. Regards, Hypersomniac
  15. So I stopped taking these meds on August 29th I believe. I don't know exactly how long I was on them for but I am guessing about 8-10 years. I consulted my family doctor [kind of a mistake from what some people have been telling me] and he said to just take 10 mg for about 5-7 days. Then I could go off. The unfortunate part of what happened was a lot of very bad things occurred when I came off them. I planned a vacation with someone I felt was special but we weren't dating. I also thought it would be cool to go somewhere warm for some of the duration. Well, - I ended up getting sick and couldn't fly home so I got stranded there by myself for almost a week after only being off them 28-30 days. - Because of my emotional turmoil and highly sensitive mindstate I fell way too hard for the person I was with, They must have sensed it and split things off with me [When I was still stranded there mind you] - When I finally came back about a week or so later my last living grandparent died - Then my moms family dog died that had been in the family 12 years - November 24th I also got laid off too I decided it was time to seek professional help. I still didn't fully feel right you know? I knew I had a ton of feelings and symptoms and past events I never really fully dealt with being on meds. As well as possibly suffering some serious damage from those events I experienced during the peak of withdrawl symptoms. I saw a psychologist. I saw her 3 or 4 times and we did EMDR. Now, I didn't know this at the time but yes it felt amazing the EMDR but I didn't know that it could unearth a lot of crazy forgotten emotions. My roommate and my mom and kind of myself all agree it made it kinda worse. It helped a few things, but it unearthed the fact that a large part of my symptoms leading into depression came from child abuse. I was horribly depressed and sad lately and I am also a recovered alcoholic [been 12.5 years sober]. I didn't go to AA Meetings for almost 10 years because of some dumb resentment I had. My dad convinced me to go again. They have been helping immensely. There are still a lot of problems though. Going back to AA meetings made me realize I had some real bad coping mechanisms that were actually just other addictions. They involved: Always going online dating sites trying to find a girlfriend, going on dates that would go bad and I would get bummed out thinking no one wanted me and I was undesirable. Playing online video games all day [although I stopped doing that in the new year, it was one of my resolutions], staring at my phone all day, masturbation. So I had an epiphany and realized that all of those are bad for maintaining a good healthy relationship with myself and everyone else I come into contact with. I cut all of those out of my life. What happened that lead me here though is this: I work out of town. I had plans to go back to work for a couple weeks, I was still kinda sick too [have a chest cold], I got absolutely terrified of going though. It started on the weekend when another place contacted me for work but I got so scared too. I just had so much paranoid thoughts like I was gonna be so alone [I am alone about 95% of the time at my job in remote locations], I would lose my mind because of it etc. It got bad and I had to go to the hospital. I also had one of my very first serious panic attacks about 5 days before that maybe 7. It was a few weeks to see a psychiatrist that I got referred to then thought "Hey I should go to work while I wait". Not a chance. Upon going to the hospital I got referred to one of their day programs but it was a 3 month wait. After the hospital I still had feelings of anxiety then got hit with major depression after that. I feel better today but My roommate and my mom made the suggestion of trying out an anti anxiety medication. I absolutely abhor going back on any of these kinds of medications ever again. So I am just wondering, if anyone here experienced something similar and would be able to help. I honestly feel like I need intensive therapy. My diet is fairly good, what helped the probably terrible tapering I went through was going to the gym twice a day and it rooted in my brain that I need that for my mental health. Umm not sure what else to add. Edit: I am also taking 30 mg Vyvanse for my ADD Edit2: Here's an example of one of my paranoid anxiety ways of thinking that happened: I had to get some wiring for an inverter for my job because I sit in the truck all day. The guy I was getting it from asked what I was using it for and how I would be using it. He then said he wouldn't recommend doing that [even though another person showed me that method years ago and they never had any problems] because it's unsafe and I could start a serious fire. My thinking went to "Oh my god, I am going to burn the truck down if I do this, but I need to do this so I have power in the truck so I can keep busy on my laptop and not go insane with boredom, but I will burn the truck down, I'll lose my job then my reputation will be ruined, then I'll never work in that field again and I will be homeless living on peoples couches"
  16. Hi, this is my first post and I'm glad to be a part of this group. Seems to be a lot of good information here. I've been on Paxil 20mg since 2010. I've gone off twice, and it was quite difficult so I went back on at 20mg. I just seem to feel more functional (and social) on it, though I don't want to rely on it anymore. I want to feel like myself again, and have my creative faculties at full strength. Not to mention my emotions. The emotional blunting and low motivation from Paxil are really affecting my quality of life. So, about 3.5 weeks ago, I dropped down to 10mg from 20mg. That was before I found this site. I know that a 50% reduction is not so wise, and I'm starting to feel the negative effects. Depression, lethargy, suicidal at times. It sucks. I'd like to do this the right way– what is the best way to start again? Can I just start back at 20mg? Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.
  17. I stopped taking Paxil 6 months ago. Since then, I've been unable to sleep more than about 4 hours a night. Has anyone gone through insomnia every night like this for this long? How long does the inability to get a sufficient amount of sleep last after getting off all psychiatric medications?
  18. After a 3.5 months break from paxil - please see my history in my signature - which was bearable as I had a very good acupuncture treatment abroad - my withdrawal became unbearable, I am suicidal, I am terribly afraid, I do not know how to get out of this or if I can ever get out and this is the very end. I have no medical support here in France, only doctors knowing the official information delivered to them by GKS drug company. It was possible to have this 3.5 month break only with acupuncture, but here, it is a small town, I tried to find some decent acupuncturists, no chance, their knowledge is very limited, although they received exactly the spots to be used, they cannot do it, I have no results here. But maybe this acupuncture only hid somehow my WD, I do not know. Because last week (I returned to Concarneau, my home in France on 14 February) it became unbearable. I made reinstatement last Sat, 20 Feb, I simply had no other choice although I hate now the paxil, by subtracting 10% of paxil for every month of break as I read. It is still extremely bad after one week. Do you have any idea when and if WD symptoms can alleviate? Or is it to late? And what can it happen if it is too late? Please, if I am quite confuse and not clear enough, just ask for more details, I really need some advice from experience. Thanks a lot all of you!
  19. MOD NOTE: contains content which may be triggering for some members Hi, I have been "stalking" this website for a while now, I saw a couple stories that were a lot like mine. I never knew how much harm these darn medications could do, moreover, I was so glad I found that I was not alone in this. I felt like crying tears of relief when I found this community. Im not sure where to start so I will just give a basic "run-down" of my history; I came from an abusive background. My father abused me when I was younger, and my neighbor "took advantage" of me when I was 8, repeatedly. Im thankful I am not in that situation anymore, but those experiences did leave me with some "battle scars." I was diagnosed in early 2014 as having OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder, PTSD, and ADD. I knew I had some things from childhood, like the OCD, Depression, Anxiety and of course the ADD (That one is a bit hard to miss) But I was so shocked to find what had happened to me did give me PTSD. It was such a shock. I was hospitalized in late 2014 for a suicide attempt and that was my first introduction into the Antidepressants. To be honest they never really helped me. I was put on Prozac, not sure the dose, but I quit cold turkey after 3 maybe 4 weeks on it now that I think back to it. No side effects. No nothing. Then I was prescribed with several things back to back, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Effexor, I would only take 1 or 2 pills before not taking them anymore as I just felt the medication just masked the problem without actually fixing it. The only one that really did help a bit was Effexor but I got so jittery it was ridiculous I stopped after 2 days of use. again, no side effects, I was blessed. I was given Xanax for my panic attacks, i took it sparingly. Then I was given medication for my ADD, I thought "why not" and gave it a try since I was having trouble focusing especially in the workplace. I was given focalin. It completely destroyed me. I had a OCD flare up like no other. I ended up hospitalized from early May to late July/ Early August. It was a nightmare even though it did make me perform better, it was OCD hell. I recovered in a few days and was put on Paxil. 40 mg. and Trazadone for sleep which was switched with another type of sleep medication. I would take a combination of Trazadone and a cocktail of other sleep medications on and off. The doctor never warned me of the side effects of these stupid medications. I started having Nervous sweats, shaking which I believe to be called "akathesia", hypersensitivity, more panic attacks, PTSD episodes, OCD episodes. and weird sensations in my private parts that from what I have been reading, is called "PGAD" , horrible insomnia, sensations that are not there, so severe somatization, tinnitus that comes and goes, depersonalization, less able to focus, and an increase in paranoia. I ended up worse than when I started with this mess.. I have been though enough. Since I have been stalking this website I have been following a few stories that were a lot like mine and trying to mimic them in their withdrawal. I went from 40mg of Paxil to 21 mg. Probably too fast. I have been following Hopefull, ASkyFullOfHappy, MamaP, Gentle Steps, Petunia, MollyN especially since some of their stories really mirror mine in one way or another. Im sorry for stalking ya'll, I am actually very embarrassed, but I was recently given the courage to make my own account since I feel like I still don't know what I am doing sometimes, and honestly my symptoms, although they have improved a slight bit, they are not where I need them to be. I hope with some guidance I can get on the right track here, and maybe help a couple people out as well.
  20. Touchtheclouds87

    Touchtheclouds87 off Paxil

    I was on Paxil for 6 years. The doctor took me from 40mg to 0mg in 8 weeks. I had to get off it because I was so depressed about sexual dysfuntion. Had a psychotic episode followed by the most horrendous depression and acute anxiety. Had to go back on paxil for a year. Then switched to lithium then switched to lamotrigine. I came off paxil the second time over a 6 month period and it was OK. No major withdrawal issues. It's just like everybody says come of the meds slowly and it will be OK.
  21. I can't remember ever being happy. I never felt like I fit in and relationships were hard to foster. I felt like an outcast, drawing on my musical and visual influences to drive home that point. Listening to Blind Melon I had my first suicide attempt. After that in 2008 I was put on 20mg of Prozac (medicine is right but dose could have been a little higher, it was a long time ago). From there I stayed on Prozac until 2010 and stayed medication free until my anxiety became so crippling that I couldn't walk in a gym around acquaintances in 2012. Then, I was put on Bupropion which was a huge failure and then Paxil, which I stuck with Until 2014 before it's effects dwindled. During that time my depression became unbearable and I couldn't be by myself without crying. I had to leave school my senior year for 3 months and reset everything, return to therapy and look for a new medication. Eventually mid-way through my freshman year of college at the I was given cymbalta at the end of 2014. i thought I finally found it. While there was ups and downs the cymbalta helped tremendously, I almost went off pills completely near the end of 2016, and then extra stresses forced me to try extra Wellbutrin with a cymbalta dose increase. This was a disaster and caused a breakdown and second suicide attempt which landed me in the hospital. The doctor switched me to 75 mg Effexor and it did ok for awhile but my anxiety was through the roof. After two months it was too much and my doc added 300mg gabapentin 3x a day. This is kind of worked for a month and a half before I started to lose my energy, have the racing beating down thoughts and the loss of interest again. Last month the doc tried upping my Effexor to 100 with disasterous results. Now I feel stuck. Its not normal to wake up with no energy and a loss of interest in anything. Have i I been on pills too long? Do I need to take SSRIs or Tricyclate? Tricyclate deal with atypical depression, which fits well due to my inconsistent mood and spiraling ups and downs. Im not bi polar, but one doc said I have characteristics of personality disorder, which would explain the "high" highs and "low" lows. I just need help. Im a semester away from graduating and I don't want to take a pause right before the finish line. I'm a leader in most of my major studies clubs and a well-liked person on campus living in one of the most popular houses at school. Why am I so sad? I just need advice. Get on new pills, get off pills, what pills worked well temporarily. At this point, I just want to get by. Please help me.
  22. MollyN


    Hi everyone, I'm extremely glad to find this group. I burst into tears when I found it. Most of my antidepressant journey is in my signature, but my greatest fears are these: Honestly as I withdraw I become the meanest most vicious woman you've ever met. I am mentally all over the place and filled with bitterness and hate. I'm so embarrassed, I was never like this prior to the drugs. I worry that is who I actually am now?! My husband just wants me to keep on taking them
  23. Hello, I came across this forum while trying to figure out the best way to taper generic Luvox. I've been taking it since January 1, 2017 and hit my maximum dose of 50 MG around February 1st. Here is my long history with psych meds: I started having bad panic attacks by age 15. I developed agoraphobia, and eventually had to leave high school and be home schooled. Then I started having severe OCD as well. I started generic Paxil 20 mg at age 19 (1994) with the only side effect being insomnia for around a month. It didn't do anything for me, but I had undiagnosed Crohn's Disease at the time, so I probably wasn't absorbing it very well. After getting a decent doctor and being diagnosed with Crohn's and treated for it, the panic, anxiety, and OCD subsided (this was 1996). My GI doctor said it was fine to quit taking Paxil, so I did (cold turkey). I didn't have any noticeable withdrawal symptoms. My anxiety and panic returned roughly around 1998. This is probably when I went back to Paxil (long time ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the dates). This time I had a lot of increased anxiety and nausea when starting at 20 MG, so I started lower and worked my way up to 20. I was also prescribed Xanax (don't remember the dosage) a little later. My doctor retired, and the new doctor switch Xanax to Ativan (I think it was .5 MG three times a day) and added Buspar. At some point I quit taking Buspar because I felt it wasn't doing anything. I don't remember the date, but it was probably prior to 2000. I don't recall having any withdrawal from it. In 2002, I got another new doctor. I was doing pretty well, but she thought I would do even better if I increased my Paxil to 40 MG. After around a month, she decided a change to 150 MG Effexor XR would be better. I had a very fast cross taper off Paxil and onto Effexor, but luckily had no symptoms. Another new doctor in 2003! This one took me off Ativan and added Vistaril. I don't recall having any withdrawal problems from the Ativan, but it was a fast taper. Vistaril did nothing for me so I stopped it within a couple of months. The next new doctor that wanted to make changed wasn't until around 2010. I was doing okay, but she upped my Effexor to 187.5 MG to see if I would be even better. Eventually insurance quit paying for brand name Effexor, and my body was not digesting the generic tablets, so I was switched back to 40 MG of Paxil around 2011 or so. Once again, I was lucky and had no symptoms despite the quick cross taper. Eventually my doctor upped the Paxil to 60 MG. And another new doctor (they don't stick around long in the clinic I go to) in 2012! Even though I was doing okay, she thought I would do even better on Prozac. She had me cross taper from 60MG of Paxil to Prozac (don't remember dose, maybe 40 mg) in a single month. I was actually okay that month, but month 2 was hell. By the end of the month, I had enough and restarted the Paxil at 10-15 MG. I instantly felt better, and called my doctor to inform her I was switching back to Paxil. She gave me a bunch of crap about "seratonin syndrome" but since she wasn't worried about it during my original cross taper, I wasn't worried about it while crossing back. I was back to 20 MG of Paxil and off Prozac within a month, and felt back to normal. One good thing that came out of this was that I discovered that 20 MG of Paxil worked just as well as 60 MG. The doctor tried to get me to switch to Zoloft, but after the Prozaz disaster, I said no way. I was curious about how I was doing so well with 20 MG (after previously being on 60 MG), so I secretly started cutting back. I got down to 10 MG within a few months, was satisfied, and stayed there until 2016. New doctor time! This one has a real love for Zoloft and Luvox. He pressured me for months to switch to one of those. When I refused, he upped my Paxil to 40 MG (or so he thought, I actually remained on 10MG) He also prescribed Prazosin, which I only took for a month or 2 before I stopped due to side effects. When I stopped Prazosin, he wanted me to take Vistaril and some sort of beta blocker, but I refused those as well. At this time I also started reducing my Paxil. I took 7.5 MG for several months. Then I went to 6 MG for a month, then 5 MG for a month. Anxiety and panic symptoms started to to return, so I stopped reducing. After a particularly bad couple of weeks (lots of panic attacks at night to where I was afraid to go to bed) I finally caved and agreed to generic Luvox. I started the cross taper from Paxil to Luvox on January 1st. My doctor wants me on (and thinks I'm taking) 300 MG of Luvox. I never got that high. I tapered up to 50 MG of Luvox by February 1st. I tapered off of Paxil by March 1st. Since I started this cross taper, I've had worse anxiety and panic attacks, headaches everyday, light sensitivity, memory problems, and loss of interest in things I liked to do in the past. My doctor prescribed generic Ativan, which I used pretty sparingly at first, but now I'm taking .5 MG each night just so I don't wake up in a panic every half hour. Time to get off this Luvox! I restarted the Paxil at 2 MG on Friday (I made my own liquid version from a 40 MG tablet) since some of my problems might be due to not doing a proper taper (which I only discovered when I found this site). I also made a liquid version of the Luvox and am taking a dose of 22.5 MG (4.5 mL by mixing a 50 MG tablet with 10 mL of water) twice a day (45 MG total). So if you're still here after this lengthy post, how fast can I reduce the Luvox? Should I follow the 10% rule even though I've only been on the drug for 3 months? I hate to think that I'll be reducing this junk for months and dealing with headaches everyday. As for the Paxil and Ativan, I'll deal with them after I get the Luvox out of my system. Thank you for this great site!
  24. I am a 44 year old woman and have been on 10mg of Paroxetine (Paxil) for 8 years and in February this year decided to slowly start weaning off. I dropped to 7.5mg one day a week for a month and once I had got to 7.5 mg 7 days a week I started to drop to 5mg one day a week for a month. I am now on 5mg Monday to Thursday and still on 7.5mg Friday to Sunday. I was absolutely fine until two weeks ago when I started having a crawling feeling on the bridge of my nose and between my eyebrows. Then two days later I woke up with pins and needles in all my toes which eventually spread to under my feet. My toes also most always feel cold. I have also started with pins and needles in my left fingers and hand. I went in to see the doctor when this started and explained to her that I was weaning off Paxil but she didn't say anything about it. She did all the blood tests necessary which all came back normal. I called her again this week to say that I am really worried and she said she will put me in the system to see a neurologist in a couple of months. I am absolutely beside myself and have made an appointment to see a private Neurologist in January which will be costly as I am not on a medical insurance. I just wondered if anyone else may have these withdrawal symptoms from tapering off Paxil? I have the pins and needles constantly under my feet although the tingles on my face come and go during the day. I feel fine within myself but I am obviously very anxious because of the physical symptoms.
  25. bagzi

    bagzi: my intro

    Hello, My name is Igor, 39 yo, living in Serbia. I first started taking ADs in 2014 after period of exhaustion in my life, and parallel conversion to Christianity. I had a GF in that period who was an alcoholic and bulimic, which i did not know at first.. In my inability to handle the situation, i started to sink deeper and deeper into myself, and i started to turn to God for solution of my problems. Due to all the exhaustion, in dec 2014 i had my firste panic attack, which i first thought was a hearth attack. I did all the checks and i was generally ok. A friend of mine figured out what could be the problem, so he took me to a psychiatrist, which prescribed me with 20mg Seroxat and im not sure what amount of Rivotril. I refused to take any of the drugs for some 5 months, but situation got worse. I was absent from work all this time, and finally i think in May i started taking Seroxat. Did not take Rivotril due to a warning from my friend that it can create an addiction. In period of 5 months before taking drugs i was in pretty bad shape, got down some 10kg in weight, which was not that bad actually, but i had severe nervousness, anger issues, tremor of the left side of the body and difficulty to sleep. Also, very vivid dreams, like visions, where it seemed like i really participate in these awkward situations. I agreed to start the drugs partly because family was scared the hell out of what is going on with me, but partly i was exhausted from the new situation that i found myself in. So, i took the drugs for precisely a year, because doc said it is some usual period. After 8-9 months i got it down to 10mg, and i took that for some 2 months, and then i got maybe a month 5mg and after that i got off. I managed to function in society for some 2 months after i got completely off, but then i just had no energy to continue. But, i decided that im gona fight as long as i can. So, i quit my job, and went into solitude in my app. living alone. It was a very rough period, but then again i had so much revelation about life in that app that in a way i am greatfull for it. I was there so noone can look at me, i was looking pretty bad again. Went out only briefly and to the store once in a few days. But again, in Oct last year (2015) i reached the point that i just could not go on like that anymore. So i got back on meds, i figured Seroxat was working so i got back on that same drug. Again, i was taking 20mg for some 7 months, than reduced to 10mg twhich i took for 4 months, and recently in Sept i reduced to 5mg which is the dose i take now for some 2 months. Its not easy with this small dose, but i notice its getting better. It was a bit rough when i cut it down, but now i figure its ok. I dont have a plan how long i am going to take this dose, but my final goal is to get off completely. Not sure when or how. I got a job now again, and its a bit easier than in previous job. I feel really good that i had the strength to do this job switch. I feel like i have done something for myself, and although im not off the drugs completely i feel i am making a progress. Bad thing about these drugs is that they numb you, you dont get to feel your emotions. They kinda disconnect you from yourself. That is mostly why i want to get off them eventually. It is not like for example a drug you take for the hearth issue, or something in that nature, like blood pressure. You feel they are affecting your thinking, feelings and behavior. On the other hand, when i look at period before i had this first attack, that was also not life. It was mostly mechanical life where i did not question if i like to do something or not, what do i really want to do and what not. This experience was actually something like eye opening, where you realize what life actually is, where you stand right now and where you would like to go, and how much effort it would take to get there, A lot of information all of a sudden, lot of unknown and lot of unanswered question. So, i guess no wonder panic starts to overflow you. I can honestly say, that toughest period that i had these past few years was the most productive period in my life. Although i spent it mostly alone in a room meditating. So anyway, that is my short (or not so short) story. I am happy i found this place and hope to learn from all of you. Igor
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