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  1. I have been on psychiatric meds for over 30 years. The first 10 years was Xanax and then rivritril. Later was Paxil. I started reducing Oct 2018 from20mg-15 mg. Then in Nov 2018 15 mg- 10mg. In Aug 2019 from 10mg-5mg. Then Sept 2019 from 5mg to 0. I know I did it way too fast but now 1.5 months later I have complete body pain. Mind you I have been liver flushing for 2 years so I am not sure whether the detoxing has any part in body pain. Nonetheless, my whole body feels like a truck ran over it, can’t digest food, and feel anxious and irritable. I honestly don’t know if it is related to withdrawal but hoping to hear from others. Thank you.
  2. Hi everyone, I am new here and I would greatly appreciate your help! I am sorry for my long story (with possible errors) but I just can't find anyone who can answer my questions and I desperately seek recognition and advice. If you do not want to read this long story please scroll to my questions and fears? I'm Renske, 46 years old, and I'm from the Netherlands. I have been taking 20 mg of Seroxat aka Paxil for a very long time (since I was 19) because I was diagnosed with a compulsive disorder. Seroxat worked very well for me for a long time. Mainly because I gradually gained weight (more than 25 kilos), and kept gaining (with no obvious reason, such as eating a lot or something like that) and everything was checked; bloodwork, thyroid etc , I decided a few years ago to try to phase out Seroxat. Because I already knew how difficult that would be, I did it VERY slowly, with a suspension. I was busy with this for a year. Throughout the year I was particularly affected by huge irritations and hostility. It seemed as if I had absolutely no patience and I was constantly angry. I have been very sad about this, because I was particularly unkind and impatient towards my children (8 and 11). Not physically thank God, but extreme irritation and impatience is of course also very bad. This made me feel very guilty. The phasing out eventually failed, the moment I took almost nothing anymore, because I became extremely anxious and because the obsessive thoughts came back. Because I didn't have a back-up plan, after all the effort 😞 I quickly rebuilt to the full dose. It didn't work properly anymore; so i went up to 30 mg. Still didn't work properly. What I found remarkable, though, was that the aggressive / irritated feelings greatly decreased. In consultation with a psychologist and psychiatrist I recently decided to switch to Lexapro (escitapram) although I realize that it is a matter of trying, because many SSRIs work the same (with the risk that it would not work properly again) and that they often have the same side effects (weight gain). I noticed that I had developed some sort of aversion to Seroxat, because it is apparently the most difficult drug to phase out and because it is the biggest culprit among the SSRis when it comes to weight gain. The current situation: week 1: Seroxat (paxil) I went from 30 mg to 20 mg, week 2; 20 mg of Seroxat, week 3; 10 mg Seroxat and 5 mg Escitalopram (lexapro), week 4; stop Seroxat and 10 mg escitalopram. Afterwards; continue with 10 mg escitalopram. I understand that 10 mg of Lexapro (escitalopram) is approximately equal to 20 mg of Seroxat. I am now at the beginning of week 5. During these past weeks I have had the so-called and famous brain zapps, and huge sweat attacks. But the worst thing is that I am AGAIN so terribly irritated and hostile. I recognize this as a withdrawal from Seroxat, I am almost certain that this is not a side effect of building the escitalopram. Ironically, I don't have a lot of trouble with my compulsion, but all the more with my very short temper. Discussed it with the psychiatrist; she indicates that if this is a withdrawal phenomenon, it should be over in a few weeks, according to the pharmacist who makes the product. Of course I said that that is the biggest bullsh*t and that there are so many people who suffer from these symptoms for a longer period of time. She didn't really have an answer for that. She indicated that maybe it was my personality that came back. But that is nonsense; I was always gentle and kind to others. this is also not ordinary irritation due to stress or something, but it really seems like something physical that really engulfs me, just like that She suggested perhaps adding some Seroxat again? The reason why I do not believe in this is because in the past I have phased out the Seroxat very slowly and then I also had such symptoms. Why would that be different now? My questions and fears: Does anyone recognize the symptoms of irritation, impatience and hostility of phasing out the Seroxat / Paxil? How long can this take? Was this passing on? Is there anyone with whom this went away as a new drug started to work properly? I am afraid that this withdrawal phenomenon will continue to exist for a long time due to the withdrawal of Seroxat, while the Lexapro may work, can this coexist? Or is that far-fetched? I know that all anti-depressants must be phased out gradually. Would it make sense to take a little more Seroxat next to the Lexapro, so that I would phase out slower, despite using Lexapro at the same time (within safe margins of course)because the (very) slow reduction has not diminished the feelings of irritation in the past, and I am now inclined to finally stop completely with Seroxat and switch completely to Lexapro. I would be so grateful if I get some responses from people who recognize things. Again, sorry for my long story. Thanks so much in advance. Renske
  3. HopingForRelief

    HopingForRelief

    Hi there, I am new to this site after trying to find an explanation for the symptoms I was/am experiencing after a CT from Paxil at 30mg. I want to thank all of the frequent posters in these forums as many of the success stories and positive encouragement have helped me through this horrific experience so far. My story (I apologize if it is long): I started taking Lexapro (10mg) in 2012 (when i was around 18 years old) for continuing panic attacks and debilitating anxiety/OCD. I needed the medication to function at that point and within a few months I was back to myself and living a happy life. Throughout my entire time on Lexapro, while still having some presence of anxiety, I was definitely "normal" and living a happy life that I currently wish I could go back to. Around Nov 2018 I was switched from Lexapro to Paxil at what I now know was a way too fast change and heavy dosage amount (I just stopped taking the lexapro one day and started on Paxil 30mg the next day). The Paxil worked for my anxiety, but it also caused these weird body jerks as I would attempt to go to sleep that scared the crap out of me. Also worth noting: I take my AD before bed, and I would experience a weird sort of brain zap and "cold brain" whenever I exercised the next day, but this would go away when I would take my next pill. Obviously these symptoms really scared me (mainly the body jerks at night), so I foolishly stopped the Paxil CT in May 2019 and said enough was enough. The next few weeks I experienced mainly brain zaps and flu-like symptoms, but nothing unbearable and I had an idea that was to be expected. These went away and for the next three months, aside from heavy dreaming at night, I was totally fine. Then, in September, I got hit like a truck with crazy unexplainable symptoms. These symptoms are: waves of panic that feel different from my original anxiety/panic, OCD about symptoms and thoughts, feeling disconnected from the world around me, phantom smells (it is always the same burning smell), insomnia, vivid and whacky dreams, horrible ringing in my ears and head (almost feels like an electric current), weird burning/shivering of my brain, and more. These were so debilitating to me I left my job and am currently unable to function. They have now relentlessly continued for over a month, and I am not experiencing any "windows" where I feel better. Maybe I will get relief for minutes/to hours of one day over the course of a week. I have tried reinstating (per my doc) a different AD, Luvox, at a low dosage of 25mg and have been taking this for 3 weeks, but I have not noticed a difference one way or the other in my symptoms. What can I do next to help me? I was not experiencing any terrible W/D symptoms for 3 months so by then it was apparently too late for reinstatement to work. Now I also feel like I am "stuck" on the Luvox that is not helping as I have taken it long enough for my body to get accustomed to it. I am not functioning and am taking a huge toll on my mother who is taking care of me currently. We cannot continue financially at this rate with me no longer taking in an income, but I literally cannot work in this capacity. She also believes that I need to take a higher dosage of AD to help myself, so she will not continue supporting me unless I do so. I understand her stance as she doesn't want to see me in this state and doctors tell her that is the "cure" to all of this. I am at a loss on what to do. Would there be any hope if I tried reinstating Paxil? Am I stuck like this forever? I cannot continue ruining my life and living in my house like this. Please, any help would be much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
  4. Hi, I've been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks since 2004. I would experience them each time when my relationship would become more and more serious. Eventually I went to see my doctor who prescribed me Lexapro ( here in Europe is Cipralex ). I was put on 10mg. I managed my problems with being on and off till end of 2015 when I decided to quit cause I started to be more and more dizzy. But that time, I see that now, was the worst possible time for me to quit , cause I was starting new business and was under extreme pressure and stress level was at highest possible. And I experienced massive and really horrific nervous breakdown and complete burnout on June 1st 2016. I will never forget that date. I went back on Lexapro but it was so tough that I had to take Xanax along so I could get back on Lexapro. Starting side effects were so intense ; panic attacks and anxiety that I couldn't manage it otherwise. I've been on benzos almost three months. Cause Lexapro 20mg didn't have any effect my doctor put me on Paxil 40mg. In time it got better , but to be honest It never was as ''normal'' as before. I just become a ''zombie'' with no feelings for anything going on around me; and still from time to time there would be episodes of anxiety. So this year I said to myself lets get down from pills and get my life back. And I planned to do it slowly and wisely. First tapper was in February from Paxil 40mg to 35mg. All went well. Than march 35mg to 30mg, also all was fine. Then my new psychiatrist said I can go to 20mg, that there will be no problem. So I did it in the end of June this year. First month all was fine, but after that hell started. I started to experience all possible symptoms, extreme intolerence to people, nervousness, extreme dizziness, chest pain which almost crippled me ( I had the same when starting paxil ). Then it got worse , I experienced what I now know are brain zaps, feeling of depersonalization, anxiety. Its strange that all emerged only after almost two months of this too big reduction ; at this point I have to mention that for me ,effects of pills needed almost two months to feel any kind of improvement. This week I started to have this strange feeling to fall asleep, is this also WD? My question is, when does this subside? I'm planning to wait now for another reduction till march 2020? Is this smart? I could help myself in tough moments with benzos, but i don't wanna mess my head even more. I was also very much shocked when my psychiatrist said she does not know of any major problems when lowering Paxil. That some patients stop cold turkey even from 40mg Paxil to zero?!? Will be happy to get any answers, please…. Im taking B12 and magnesium. Should I add something else?
  5. I want to share my heart out,I want to share my life. I lived 31 yrs of life. the life of sadness,hurt,betrayal,getting used,unrequited love, Dream which gets shattered,Health which got lost,Financed which ruined,Engagement which break twice,Got fired from the job which I love.hope which I got lost in all these but just little remains… May be I am not a very strong guy, or below things are very little for other people but for me it really shattered me with the brain I have.I want to write here because of two reasons:- Please bear with my bad English. To get words of support. Others may learn something from this. Birth(Dec 1987):- Bully(15yrs) I was a silent kid,deeply introverted.afraid to go out and dominate the world.Never in my life I had more than 2 or 3 friends.Never associated with any groups anywhere.Because of my silent nature and understanding of the world differently relatives and neighbors thinks that I am not of sound mind and they normally called me “sirri” (a word which describe a person as stupid with no mind”).Even my family used to call me the same, this has impacted my childish mind deeply and my confidence sank to earth every time someone called me that.though I was good in studies but not very vocal and someone who bully others just because other one is not dominatable nature. I hate these types of person even up until now.and I also choose very very carefully to whom I can open. these things keep going on till I turn around 15 or in 10th standard. and that was really a sad time.but I forgot and moved on. My teenage love(8 yrs) Its starts in early stages when hormones change occurs. My first Love.real,pure,deep,full of emotions.absolutely overwhelming.till date I have not forget those days. she was in my class sat next to my desk. I fall in love or whatever you will say infatuation. she belongs to other community. I knew marriage is not possible. I never tried to approach or propose.I knew even if I propose she will not accept.I was not handsome or a topper or may be I was insecure.I loved her deeply . Did many things those times of school like pick some flowers on my way to school and put it in her desk,looking at her whole time during school,wrote a diary, wrote some poetry also for her.cried every other day at home that I will not have her in my life.I also did those stupid thing of writing the name of your beloved from blood in your diary.lol. one incident I remember one day our teacher asked us to perform some activities, every student performed something like dance or cracked a joke. when my turn came I sang a song ”yai zamin ruk jaaye aasma jhuk jaaye tera chahra jab nazar aaye” by looking in to her eyes directly without any fear , in front of whole class and also a teacher.there are many many memories of such type.I never had a problem because I never insist her for anything. everybody knows that I loved her so much whenever anyone asked me I accepts wholeheartedly yes. she knows it. the way she looked towards me I still remember. I remember the day of parting also . it was day of 10th class last day when I got the news that she will about to leave school permanently,I become extremely sad and I know anyhow I have to bear this pain of loosing someone so close and to look at her become a daily oxygen to me. I was in deep pain. that day I thought to tell her my feelings by my own. she used to go to home through same bus stand from which I go.every day. that day I waited at stand for about 3 hrs because she was enjoying with her friends, I was desperate that today I ll tell her my feelings as after this day I will never see her. I saw her coming. she saw me from a distance and she sensed also about things. I come directly in front of her and said that I wanted to say something to you which you already know all these years.she asked me to say it.I uttered those three words.she listened and asked me if anything more I wanted to say I replied No.she left in a bus. I stayed there dont know how much longer, felt like dead. then came back home.and cried hell.my sisters consoled me so much. I couldnt did anything. so I tried to save this as a sweet memory in my heart.later when I went in college then I got toknow that she took admission in Dental school, I got her number some how and from my college far away from home I called her at every festival of her and her birthday continiously 4 yrs . then she become dentist and I got the news that she is getting married.to one of my other class mate. I became habitual about this. acceptance was there.those were the days of orkut, I dont know how many of you young guys know about orkut. its like first social media site in India those days. later I saw her some times on facebook and now she is living happily with her husband and a daughter. I left her there and locked her there in my heart to never open it up.and got busy in another things. Science and engineering(3yrs) Once I passed 10th and she left me then I have so much anger and resentment that I put all these on studies.I was a below average student got just 60% in 10th and ours was a govt school, that time I cant write or speak a single sentence in English.but somehow as all good students left the school so I got the admission in science section in 2004, there were 34 students, I studied very hard and came first that year only 8 students passed. in the next year also I did so much hard work and came first in my Class Editori was not that I got very good marks but the resources and kind of teachers I have in my govt school I did my best and came first in 12th also with 70% marks. I was so much fearful of science but my mother who was always there for me encouraged me that I can do it so I did passed it.in those 2 years i knew nothing about anything except studies I used to have one FM radio in my room some songs I hear every day like “love guru on radio city 91.1” if any of you remember.then after 12th was another struggle for career.Didnt know what to choose for further studies.I wanted to go to army.gave NDA also didnt passed.a friend came and suggest me to do coaching for engineering.I liked the idea it was the year 2006. I joined a reputed coaching in Delhi.studied day and night to pass the entrance.sometimes I got so much confident that I will do it sometimes i got frustrated.it was too much of studies for an avg student.year gone hopes begin. gave all engineering entrance examintation of delhi state and national level. like aieee and iit’s results came , didnt get selected in any one of them , got so much disheartened. you can understand how bad I was I got rank 131000 in AIEEE and for IIT I failed, DCE got 8000 rank.so no admission in any of these college. I gave uptu exam also and there I got 32953 rank and i got a change for counselling.Unfortunately there I made a blunder and even I was getting so many college in NCR Delhi region I put some college in sitapur in UP as my second choice because i foolishly thought that that were a govt college.and here begins a 4 year trauma of living in almost hell. Hostel life living away from parents If you read this far you must have understood what kind of a guy I am, so living away from parents and from New Delhi to a town of UP and college hosted in jungle and mostly the kind of people I interacted there.it was really not good. I was very much dishearted but being from a middle class family with so much of a hope from parents that my son will one day earn well and take us away from this life of hardship.I continued the battle and didnt drop out even if I wanted badly.there was not a single day in these 4 yrs when I didnt talked to my mother back home at every evening, I dont know how many times I cried that Its very very difficult to live without you guys.(tears just come to my eyes by just remembering those bad days.)Thank god he gave me one friend and a room partner with whom I was able to pass that worst time. I marked 8 lines in my diary and after every semester I crossed those one mark to able to see how much of it left to go back home. that was the best day when I was coming back last time and my family was very happy that there son became an Engineer, one more thing we with my friend decided that we will not have any affair or relationship and will directly marry. so no girlfriend type of a thing there also.Few attractions were there but I killed them and not regretting about that. Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs) This hit me bad when I was in 2nd year of age of 22yrs. I got very afraid that I cant continue in this engineering thing as this is very tough and even If I pass the exams still I will not able to do the real engineering job as this required so much brain I keep telling this to my parents and my father keep encouraged me that initially things looks tough but slowly it will get better.so I decided that whatever happen I will definately achieve this degree.I had so much pressure of homesickness(its that much you can understand that after coming back home in 2011 I have not left my hometown Delhi ), Pornography was there in college its normal thing even now I know.and I was not into these things that much. but I got addicted to masturbation like once in a week and pornography also. and I certainly believe that this masturbation and porn habit though it was not that much as with other people. it give me one of the deadliest disease which i cant even explain to you, whoever young among you is reading this I am warning you and pleading you, please leave these two devils completely out of your life else it will ruin you.this thing weakens my brain in 3rd semester i have got started rigorous hairfall,weakness of body and mind, but that time i was not able to understand because I got my body strength back in 2 days. for my mind it was normal but in reality this habit of masturbation causing deep harm to my body. which i was not able to control despite all my efforts.so in 2008 when I came back to delhi i got hit by mental illness there were symptoms severe headache, confusion,lost focus, memory issue, unable to take decisions and many more. this goes heightened also because i stuck in one more thing which is killing me, what is the true path of life,why so many religions and God and I wanted to know the truth I studied various religious scriptures also and I got so much feared that I cant die without knowing the truth.and I cant follow my parents religion without knowing for sure that it is correct or not.unfortunately I had to to a psychiatrist and here begins a trauma which is still going on they gave me that magic pill. a medications which can sort my mind out. I ,a young lad, trusted the doctors that yeah they are right in whatever they prescribe and in last 2 years of my studies this doctor gave me 7 different kind of antidepressents which numbed me actually. when I came back from college then I went to govt hospital in Delhi to a psychiatrist and he there stops all the medication and said that all this was not necessary and I was misdiagnosed, there I started with a small medication of just 10mg trusted this doctor and no doubt it helped me so much but over the years when i was stable in about 2014 i wanted to stop but my parents does not want me to stop and even my doctor. and I knew that this medication slowly killing me frm inside those who never use antidepressents can never understand what I am saying, just think that this tablet create a numbing effect on you or take away all your real emotions it makes you a zombie. and give you heightened emotions sometimes when not required also it hurt me so badly I cant even explain you some incident :- in one of my early interview I was crying sitting on footpath with fear that how will i be able to live this hard life.how will people earn.when I enter the room interviewer gave me a glass of water and ask me to come back after a month and dont panic. I was in so mch pressure of getting a job after my degree and it was tough. I got selected in one IT recruitment company and on third day i got so much un restless and fearful without any reason that i left my desk went to manager cabin locked my self inside and lie down on floor and slept and after 2 hrs manager open the door from different key and from next day they didnt picked me up for a job. Crying in washrooms is extremely common whenever my boss scold me or anybody hurts me.up until now.i never told anybody in my office that i am suffering from some brain disease else they will fire me I know. many more incident like this in my life. Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011) this is a common story of many many guys of my type. Funny thing was that I didnt knew how to search a job and what a job is all about and how to plan a career , I knew nothing, first six month after completing a degree I left everything and just rested because I got exhausted and most probably this was a blunder. I was started searching a job and joined one of my friend in his company as Recruiter. after six month i got introduced by one of my relative of govt job and I shifted my focus in govt job preparation because the relative made a pressure on me to have a govt job cos he selected me for his girl.this i wll tell in next section in detail.then I joined a part time job in a call center because i was in another trauma as my first engagement broke and I didnt knew what to do ahead as one year already passed. so I worked there 14 months in just 4k rs pm. then I left to work in noida and good company call center and got ok amount 17500 pm worked there also 14 months till 2015 and then I was totally unsured what to do now, so I was getting promoted to quality manager there but after a degree that is not what I wanted to do so i decided that I will do a job in software anyhow.and after that I will decide further.so I left that job also and join another company in 20k pm worked there 6 months gathered all money then left and join one training institute in Noida and get my self trained there for 6 months and then gave interviews in IT companies as a fresher i had a 6 years gap. i got rejected by 11 companies and 12 one selected me. there I worked 2+ years. they have exploited me to the core and I was so much naive that I didnt understand that.I was a java guy and they asked me to learn .net so it was a do or die for me they gave only 3000 pm for training for first 4 months. i had my savings i never mind I wanted to learn . but i think now I stuck in wrong company . they trained me in .net then gave me a project of devops . i introduced devops by learning all by myself from internet whatever I can.created automatic infrastructure the best way I can alone. then they asked me to learn android then angular then big data omg it was overwhelming.I made one app backend its still live on playstore. and maintain many other . despite having my depression and other problems taking tool on my mental health. from last year oct 2018 many incident happened back to back that i asked my manager and ceo to give me off for a month they denied then i told them about my depression and they asked me to leave saying i am not able to work.they indireclty fired me in feb 2019. since then Its been 8 months i am at home. Engagement and breakup This was really tough when I came back in 2011 from college I went to one of my relative who is asst engg. in Delhi govt for guidance and help and he chose me for his daughter . I was on cloud nine . very happy . new graduate , got engaged to a beautiful girl , she is a lawyer. we fall in love. or I am wrong actually I fall in love. girls dont fall in love may be its very easy for them to move on . we got engaged for one year and as I told you earlier her father wish me to live as he asked me , he keeps me lecture every time.i got frustrated. I got a bit religious and the girl said to her father that he cant live with a religious type boy, I told her that now we are engaged dont do this , you will live the way you want to. but she got adamant and her father also.and said I become conservative and girls wants a handsome boys. i was just become simple nothing else. like simplest dresses , she doesnt like the way I dress. she asked me to change this or she will not live with me , I told her father that your daughter cant be happy with me why are you doing this to her. please stop. they dont want to stop but they want to change me , few things she said to me after a year of engagement which i still remember that , I ll have a dark future with you, why you come to my father for a job, I cant live the life of restrictions until this time I got so attached to her but I cant compromise on the way of life i am living.so I have to leave her . it was a big thing for all family and mostly on me because i was alone in this decision and my family is not in my support that time. they used to say “shadi karlo baad me jese marzi rahna who will say anything.” this breakup also shattered me , I have to move on I started a job in a call center parttime. Life in a call centre(2.5yrs) I think every graduate should work in call center for six month and not more than that. what I will write here about that it was also working hell.lol.every minute is counting 3 comapnies of call center I worked all same.they count every minute you go to washroom, toilet, outside, and thats also every day. its like work is not more on some day or less on some day. it s that work is there always.and its simply sucks.its only for high energy young people , it enhances your communication and stress management,more then six month is not good. Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years This was a big decision as I told you. I took it and succeeded. after a gap of six years and working hell of call center I think that now is the time that I have to move on to my job. and I took the chance. I started learning programing from for loop and learned 6 months all basic and algorithms, linked list and what not. Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs) That was one of the happiest day of my life that I deserve my degree to some extent at least as out of 8 candidates that day I was the only one that was able to solve the programming problem and get selected.such a happy day it was. Rigorous learning again(2yrs) for 2 years I learned so much things, .net upto mvc. front end, devops, some big data,api, etc etc etc.. Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak This I cant tell you what it did to me .its long story if you want to read I asked the question related to same on quora last year, that time idint knew that much worst ahead read link https://justpaste.it/41enq she broke me 70% almost. but good thing was I knew I am wrong in that just this one thing gives me strength to come out of this. Getting fired from my job This is what I was not able to bear and I informed to my bosses that I need a break and they gave me permanent break…..lol. Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents. another blow omg that time I was desperate for marriage so that I can free from this emotional and physical requirement. I got a contact from a girl from a matrimonial site and we talked around one month and she have all what I wanted , education looks religiousness. we met , we liked each othe and I though now things will get settled and I told her that I will not take anything in dowry and I jst want marriage asap , initially she was hesitant to disclose this in front to her parents before the assurance from my side. and I was 100% sure from my parents side that they will not deny at all. because of whatever happened with me . so I told her . and then I informed my parents but surprisingly my father denied completely and said that go and marry, but leave my house as the girl from other caste , i requeste them so much that after this much long i liked some girl whom i can marry and she knows everything about me , please let me do so. all my family member that time got hold of fake izzat. any how I agree my mother to atleast see the girl they went with me there home and as I know they rejected as our community wont accpet them. so I was very very disheartened but I kept my patience and trust on God that things will get better.It unable to start , i felt so much guilty , the girl cried for 3 days . I asked forgiveness said i can t go against my parents wishes. Second engagement and breakup From there they take me to there relatives who have many daughters to choose from someone and I chose one because I wanted to marry asap. they liked me then again we talked and my sister also to a girl . everyting going fine . the girl side very mch interested for this relationship they want to fix the engagement asap. the day before they are coming to fix this . I dnt want it to be fix on some lie. i called a girl and informed her about my health issue and career issue. they came and got reluctant and without fixing anything went back then after second day they asked us to come to fix things , I was again on cloud nine hundred nine that finally everything fixed. I told them that I have good experience and no problem of a job , i will have a job soon . and for my health I will try to stop the medications. but one thing happened in informing all these to them that I lost my value.and they now are taking me for granted. aisa behave tha jese ahsaan kar rahe hain…we all went there house for engagment , I bought a diamond ring for her , clothes for her of my choice. with my relatives we went there. its not in my mind but my relatives dont like there hosting and made a drama. there come too many things for next 2 days and finally they cancelled the engagement , I asked them to atleast once let me talk to her. what happened.but they didnt allow. I got bedridden for a month. Lost all hope and will to live in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. and it has its side effects also. after last incident I lost all my wish to live at all. I prayed god to please take me away from this world.Because I will never do suicide . its against my religion and believes. but inside me nothing left. this happened in june 2019 and I am able to do lil works in oct and writing now. i decided to left my medications also whatsoever. I will not live a live on medications.If i will live , It will be my own. though I dnt want to live at all this kind of life.I have lost my health career relationship. from last 6 months i dont have any money . my parents giving me just for survival. 1000 pm I am surviving. locked up in my room, left my medications to 66% just 75mg remains. it hurt my body very badly. when I woke up in morning there is a swelling too much of my face every day. i cant focus to do simple work on computer continiously for 3 hrs. but death has not yet occured. so i think still something remains on earth. i am trying to recover. and hoping that good days may come. I have not achieved what I dreamed of. I want to live on the lap of God. The most hurtful thing is my brain condition which is not able to handle simple stresses like above many people may handle above things easily. but its really tough for me now very much . I really dont know what is the life of happiness. though I am fortunate to have able parents who even can support me now.but from inside nothing left. now I am really afraid to continue in engineering because i fear more pressure on brain will do harm to my brain . and rest I dont know what to do. Recovering and never give up I also wanted to live a happy life like many others.I will not suicide. but I dont know until when I can able to handle these pressures.Because now my body and mind is not giving me enough support to fight these pressures.I know people have more hardships then me but its not comparable with anyone to anyone. Positive things in my life:- God Almighty My parents, super supportive, and very patient I love them Hope Good home with all basic facilities My lovely nieces and nephews I am proud that I achieved many things which I decided, like I didn't achieved many. Few good friends. Aur bhi bht hoga jo mujhe abhi yaad nahi aa rha. Thank you God Bless you all.
  6. I've followed the Facebook page for this group for a bit now and thought I would add my own experience with antidepressants. So, I've been on antidepressants of and on (but mostly on) for about 21 years. The couple times over the years I got off of drugs like Paxil, Celexa, and Lexapro was by doing it the (wrong) way my doctor said to. The Ole' skip a day then every two days then voila! your done. I did that a couple times and I seemed to be good. But within 6 months, I was right back on something else. I mainly suffer from anxiety/panic and luckily don't suffer from depression; however, a year and a half ago I had my first case of depression which hit like a ton of bricks. Luckily for me, it was gone within a couple days. Phew! About 10 years ago, while on Paxil, I felt like a lot of anxiety was creeping in once again. I told my doctor at the time who was an internal medicine doctor this, and she said, "oh, you need to try this newer drug called Pristiq! It's an SNRI, not an SSRI." Without thinking anything of it, I was put on 50mgs of Pristiq-which was the lowest dose, at the time and off I went. I don't remember having any trouble what so ever making the switch. Fast forward to the summer of 2017-new doctor and I was feeling great - all things considered. I decided I wanted off. And I wanted off because I was starting to hear more and more people were being forced off their Pristiq and other antidepressants because the insurance company's didn't want to pay for them anymore AND I had watched people the prior Fall get hit by a hurricane in which many were forced into withdrawal because they couldn't get their refills because of damage to businesses/pharmacy's, etc. I didn't ever want to be "forced" off my medication for any reason and then have to endure possible side effects. So, in May of 2017, I began my journey that would (little did I know it) begin a two year struggle to get off antidepressants! I did the common thing at the beginning by telling my doctor that I was feeling good and was ready to jump off of my Pristiq. She agreed and said the usual...since I was on the lowest dose already, and the pills were extremely difficult to cut in half, skip a day for the next 2 weeks, then skip two days for the following 2 weeks, then stop. So the first two weeks were a bit unnerving and difficult but I powered through! Then came the second two weeks of skipping two days. After just the first try I was a mess! A complete mess! I had major anxiety, headaches, brain zaps, dizziness, the usual. I started pouring over the internet to find help because I knew there had to be another way! I started educating myself after finding a Facebook group that spoke of withdrawing off of Pristiq and learned a lot! I called my doctor's office and told them I needed to see her ASAP! because I was really struggling. Luckily, she got me in that same day. I told her how awful my experience was to get off this drug and she agreed that Pristiq is tricky to get off of. She said she doesn't really ever prescribe it but knows of docs that do, but mainly for menopausal symptoms! Since I came to her as a new patient back in 2011 and was already on the drug, she kept me in refills. So, at this point I told HER what I wanted to happen. Because I learned that there was now a 25mg pill which she had no idea of, I wanted her to prescribe this to me to help get me off. Then I told her that if that worked ok for me, I would then like to start compounding the drug down using a compounding pharmacy. I really had to educate her on the fact that this drug needed to be tapered off very slowly to have the best chance of getting off. She said she had never heard of that being done but was willing to work with me to get me off safely. And I had to commend her for that because I have since read and heard of many whose doctors refuse to help them in this manner get off their antidepressants. So I picked up my 25mg prescription from the pharmacy, headed home, and continued researching. I stayed on the 25's for 1 month which is when she wanted me to return to let her know how I was doing. I'll be honest here, it wasn't super easy. But, it was manageable. At my next appointment with my doctor, I came with compounding pharmacy info in hand and told her to call in a script for 15mg's to last a month with one refill in case I felt I needed to continue longer. My plan was to stay on that dose til ALL side effects were gone and to not jump down in dose until then. So, I completed the next month with the 15's and at that following appointment told her I was still doing ok, and that I'd like a new script for 12 mgs compounded. She obliged. Another month with that dose and still hung in there. The next month I asked for a 9 mg dose to be compounded. Did that for about 1 week and BAM! The side effects were so bad, I just couldn't handle it. I went back into her office right away and told her that the jump from 12 to 9 was too difficult and that I was going to refill the 12's but now I needed to taper off 1 mg per month! The lower I got in dosage, the higher my anxiety was, however, I was determined to get off this stuff. At 3mgs, I jumped completely off. Unfortunately, at that point in my life, I had some major family stuff going on which only contributed to my anxiety! I was off completely for 16 days. During that time, and because of what was going on in my life, the anxiety and panic left me in a state of not wanting to leave my house. It was really hard. I made an appointment to see my doctor again as I was starting to feel desperate. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. NOTE During this time of tapering, I learned a lot about helpful supplements to aid me as I tapered - ones for brain health and helping the inflammation that occurs in our brains as a result of taking these meds. I also cut out most sugar/gluten in my diet as both cause inflammation and can contribute to anxiety/depression. I also sought out a Naturapathic doctor in my area who ran extensive blood work to look for any deficientcy's that could contribute to how I was feeling. That's another thread that I can speak about in the future!!! (Magnesium L-Threonate/Glycinate/Citrate is your friend!!! Along with a high EPA fish oil, and Turmeric/curcumin supplementation!) So while sitting in my doctor's office feeling major anxiety, I caved. I told her I didn't want to feel like this anymore and that I was willing to try a low dose SSRI to see if it would help. I tried Zoloft first but had an allergic reaction to it 13 days in (it didn't make me feel good anyway) so I stopped that and switched right over to 10mgs of Paxil. I have to be honest...it did help. Within 24 hours I could feel my anxiety lessening. However, now I felt like a failure. I failed at getting off of antidepressants. I ended up staying on Paxil for a year. Then, because of some side effects that I can only attribute to the Paxil, decided I needed to get off this and NOW. I broke the 10's in half and for two and a half weeks, I took 5mgs. I have now been antidepressant free for almost 2 weeks and I feel GREAT! The only thing I have experienced is a slight tingling around my mouth and ever so slight anxiety but it feels more like an adrenaline rush; like when someone scares you and you jump. Granted, I know it hasn't been that long, but what a difference I feel now from what I felt a year ago. I still have a little stress in my life - but who doesn't ?? I've continued with my supplements and eating the best that I can and I believe that it has completely helped me get through the hardest parts. Looking back, I don't know how anyone could ever get off these drugs without doing some kind of taper! And, over the last year and a half, I have tried to help hundreds get off Pristiq. I am a contributor/moderator/admin in a facebook group that does just that! We help others see that the safest way off this drug is a slow taper. Many people learn the hard way, like most of us. But then we see that success is "slow and steady wins the race!" There is hope on the other side! We need to educate people and the medical community that the drug manufacturer's way is not a good way! I mean, why would they want us off their drugs anyway? They would stand to lose billions of dollars. They are setting us up for failure so we need to stand up and prove them wrong. Thank you for allowing me to share my story...
  7. Thank you for all your wisdom shared in this forum! I had an updosing vs. holding question. I am currently tapering off 20mg Paxil using a 10% taper method (I do two cuts for four weeks and then hold the third cut for six weeks.) It has gone smoothly until I reached 5.61mg in June, when I started feeling more symptomatic. I cut down to 5.05mg the first week of July and four weeks later started experiencing severe symptoms (insomnia, shakiness, lack of concentration, anxiety). I've held for 8 weeks now and still no subsiding of the symptoms, so my question is do you recommend I updose? If so, should I go back to 5.61mg or higher, since this crash was likely building a few months before I hit 5.61mg? And then should I hold it for four weeks or more before resuming a taper? (I'm going to start tapering at 5% per month now, since I'm hitting the lower doses.) Do you expect the WD symptoms to ease up if I updose, and does that typically happen fairly quickly? Also, is it common to hit this kind of a wall in the 5mg range?
  8. Been on 20 mg. of paxil for 20 years. Started due to depression during a difficult marriage that was heading toward divorce.Tried to get off it multiple times, too fast, and could not tolerate the withdrawal symptoms and went back on it. Doctor told me I likely would need it forever. Did not like that advice! In October 2018 I failed to refill my prescription soon enough and cut my pills in half to 10 mg. so they would last till I got the refill. I found I was ok on 10 mg so stayed there for 3 months. That same month I told my doctor that I was going off Paxil, and he said that was a good thing. He prescribed Zoloft if I felt I needed to get back on an AD, but I have never filled that prescription. Over a period of 6 months, Oct. 2018-May 2019, I continued to gradually taper off until completely discontinuing in mid-May 2019. I had no withdrawal symptoms during this period. I have been completely off Paxil, symptom-free, for 3 months. In early August 2019 I began to have recurring insomnia. I have struggled with some degree of insomnia most of my adult life, but this went on for multiple nights. In mid August I got slammed with depression for several days in addition to insomnia. The depression eased a bit, only to be replaced by anxiety. I took .25 mg. of Xanax for 5 nights to get some sleep. Would sleep soundly for 6+ hours with xanax, awaken, and feel the anxiety begin again. I know how addictive Xanax is and will not continue to take it. I have taken only melatonin for sleep the last 3 nights and have gotten very little sleep. Depression and anxiety have eased...just exhausted. I assumed after 3 months being off Paxil with no symptoms that I was home free. I DO NOT want to go back on Paxil. Is this a normal reaction after 3 months drug-free, and if so, any suggestions how to get thru it, particularly the insomnia? My doctor prescribed trazodone for sleep, but I have not taken it. I am hoping that since I have not had all the awful physical symptoms that many on this forum have described , hopefully I can get thru this without restarting Paxil.
  9. I have been on various doses of Paxil for 30 years. I was great using as little as 10mg for many years. I’m now going thru menopause and this summer has been hell. In June I went from 40mg of regular Paxil to 75mg of the CR. In early August my physiatrist lowered it to 50mg CR. Since then, I’m having episodes of anxiety and depression. I went to my GP yesterday and she wants to taper me off Paxil altogether and start Zoloft. I’ve been reading these horror stories and am scared and lonely. Does anyone have any suggestions? Oh..forgot to mention Gyno started me on Hormones last week too.
  10. Hello all, I just wanted to introduce myself. I was on Paroxetine for 4 years for anxiety starting in 2011. I was on 20mg dose. Cutting a long story short I stopped taking this Paroxetine drug after 4 years of use in 2015 and withdrew over a 3 month taper. It’s now been 4 years since I took my last dose and I’m still REALLY struggling. I was just wondering if anyone on here has been or is in the same sort of situation?
  11. Hello, I a new to the site. I have been on SSRI antidepressants for going on 18 years. I was placed on them at around the age of 26 or 27 years old when my Mom passed with cancer. I have been on 30 mg Paxil ( Paroxetine ) now for several years and have been pretty stable until it recently appears to have quit working. I started to suffer from extreme panic attacks, excessive thoughts of worry, and other physical symptoms as well. These have been coming and going for no apparent reason. I seen my doctor yesterday and she thinks that the Paxil has quit working and also feels that this medication comes with a lot of side effects and would be a good idea to get completely off of the medication. She placed me on a schedule to start tapering off of the medication and she also prescribed me Buspirone if I start to feel like I need to try something else for the anxiety. She has worked with several patients when it comes to getting off of Paroxetine and advised that it is different for everyone, but I should be able to get completely off w/in a month. Then if I haven't started taking the Buspar I can evaluate if medication is even needed. I would love to be able to get completely off of antidepressants all together and get my life back. Just wondering what kind of side effects I can expect and also wondering if there is any advise out there to help out. I do have .25 mg of Xanex on hand in event that I have a panic attack, but I seldom ever take one. I almost wonder if the Paroxetine have started to make my anxiety worsen. I would love to get completely off of the medication and get my life back and just be me. I started my 1st taper yesterday from 30 to 25 and plan to stay there for at least a week.
  12. JulianaMoon

    JulianaMoon

    Hi! I've been diagnosed with major depression recurrant, PTSD, severe anxiety, bi polar, borderline personality syndrome and agorophobia over the 24 years I have been seeing psychiatrists and therapists after a 2nd violent sexual assualt. I still have no idea what my proper diagnosis should be, but I think major depression, PTSD, and severe anxiety would be my personal diagnosis. I was doing great on Paxil 30 mg and Ativan 2mg for many years. Than we relocated to a different state. I was put on Effexor XR 300 mg in addition to the others. I seemed to get better and was just cruising along. We moved to TN and I was doing OK. Somehow I ended up on 150 mg of Effexor. I don't remember if the Dr dropped the dosage or I did. When I was diagnosed with hyperhomocysteinemia in 2011 after a lifetime of being tired all the time, I was told to take B12, b6 and folic acid. Nothing changed. My psychiatrist put me on Nuvigil 150 mg, than 250 mg and what a difference. I remodeled my whole house myself with YouTube as my teacher. When I turned 50, everything changed and I started gaining weight and started getting very tired again. I had not changed a thing. I weaned off Paxil. No difference. Than I got high blood pressure and was put on Lisinopril 40 mg 2x a day. And Atorvastatin. Than I found out I had GERD and Barretts Esophagus and was put on Prilosec 40 mg. Than the pounds really started packing on. The more weight I gained, the worse my depression and fatigue got. Now, I am 100 pounds overweight, and never leave the house. I decided to get off of Effexor because I felt it wasn't helping, but actually making me worse. My Dr increased my dosage from 150 mg of Effexor XR to 225 mg Effexor. I got worse. So, I decided it is time to wean myself off of the Effexor and than try and get off the Prilosec. Work on my weight and try to be free of blood pressure meds. I am high stroke risk, and I think the Prilosec is adding weight to me. Anyways. I have already gone from 225 mg of Effexor to 100mg over the course of 2-3 months. The 1st 50 mg drop was bc my Dr kept forgetting to prescribe it, and the nurse insisted I was never on that dose. My pharmacist proved them wrong, but they still quit prescribing it. I felt better after 2 months, so I have actually been weaning myself off 175 mg for 2-3 months. The first drop was 17.5 mg for 5 weeks. Than 17.5 again for 4 weeks. I added 5 mg of Paxil to help with withdrawals when I dropped the 1st 17.5 mg. So I was on 137.5 mg and than I dropped another 17.5 mg for 3 weeks. Than I increased my dosage on Paxil to 10 mg and dropped the last 17.5 mg thru one week. When I dropped doses, I did every other day for a week, every 2 days for a week, than the drop to the new dose for 2-3 weeks. That last drop was 17.5 mg every other day, than the new dose, while I went up to 10 mg Paxil. It has been awful. I take 100 mg of Effexor at 10 am and 10 mg of Paxil at 6 pm. Around 9-10 pm I started crying, getting angry, crying and feeling so much despair about the death of my mother in Nov.I start making plans to auction the house off and move home. I obsess over finding a home in MI. I feel trapped in TN. I am literally having a major panic attack. It goes from mild to extreme over the course of 4-5 days. So once a week I add a 17.5 mg of Effexor, than I'm OK. So I am wondering if these are withdrawal symptoms from Effexor? Or is it because I increased the Paxil to 10 mg? Is it because the last drop was too quick? And I'm not sure what to do. I was thinking of cutting back to 5 mg of Paxil over a few weeks bc I flip out a few hours after taking it. But maybe I should increase the Effexor 17.5 mg to 2 times a week at night, than start weaning down from that. So that is why I am here. To finish the detox with others, and find out what helps during the bad withrawal days.
  13. Hello, first off I want to show tremendous appreciation for the advice given on this board. It’s so needed and so helpful. I’m 52 years old and female. I used Paxil for about one year at 29 years of age 20 mg for postpartum depression. In my early thirties I also used Zoloft for about a year, the dose would only be the starting dose. Any psychiatric medication I’ve taken has only been at the lowest starting dose. In the fall of 2011, I started 20 mg of Paxil for anxiety. I tried discontinuing in the fall of 2017 into 2018 following the recommendations The Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glenmullen. I watched for any withdrawal symptoms and held the doses if needed any only reduced every 4 weeks. My taper was (cut tablets as tapered, used 10 mg tablets to cut when I reached 10 mg) 17.5 mg, 15 mg, 12 mg, 10 mg, 7.5 mg, 5 mg, 2.5. mg. 7 month taper. At 2.5 mg I started to have withdrawal issues, mostly early morning anxiety. I panicked and upped my Paxil to 10 mg and went to a walk in clinic to try lexapro, cross taper with lexapro 5 mg and Paxil, I tried that for about a week, stopped, horrible reactions, burning skin , anxiety. So went back to family doctor and slowly over the next few weeks increased back up to 20mg. During this process I also acquired tinnitus which I still have presently. Never a good idea to try another medication or add one in this state! I learned my lesson. Fast forward to December 2018, I wanted to finally get off Paxil. Again I used a similar taper according to Dr Glenmullen, I also made a l make a 1:1 solution diluting a 20 mg tablet in 20 ml of water to use, use 10 ml syringe. I guess this is considered a fast taper, since I didn’t use 10% reduced dosages because I never had more than minor withdrawal issues . My problem is this taper when July 10, 2019 I reached 2 mg I felt just minor withdrawals until the past few days when I started having insomnia and night anxiety, night urinating a few times. The insomnia makes me feel worse and just not sleeping makes me more anxious, A vicious cycle. I’m not sure what to do. I was considering stopping the 2mg in another two weeks, but since I’ve been reading this site I’m not sure what to do? Do I reinstate another mg of Paxil to 3 mg and see how I do, or do I try and stabilize at this dose for however long until I feel stable before reducing again. Thank you and I hope this makes sense, lack of sleep doesn’t feel so good! Also very low withdrawal issues throughout the taper, mild irritability, moodiness that went away as I adjusted to the new dose. Until now. Below attached is my most recent taper. I was almost 50 years old when I tried my first taper and almost 52 wi5h this taper, pretty much two years apart. Thank you!
  14. Hi, all. Thank you so much for providing this site. I’ve been inspired by the stories here, and look forward to my own recovery and hope to help others as I can along the way. It’s been a hellish year… I have a rather long story – 99% of which takes place within the last year – so please bear with me. I’ll write this out in a timeline for organization’s sake. In essence, I have a history of anxiety and depression, and have OCD. I have been suffering from severe postpartum anxiety (PPA) and depression (PPD) since delivering my son in May 2018 – exacerbated by a move out East so I could start my PhD, the decline and death of my dog, dealing with childhood trauma, etc. I was on Prozac and Xanax as needed before I was pregnant and went off without any problems while we were trying to conceive. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Here we go… 1999ish – 2005 (6th grade – high school) (Zoloft, Lexapro, Wellbutrin) I was diagnosed with severe academic perfectionism and OCD and put on (I think) Zoloft first (not sure of dosage). In the years that followed, I was on Lexapro and Wellbutrin, all in various combinations. I don’t remember timing or dosages. I don’t remember having a hard time coming on or off any of the meds. I was chronically ill in high school, though, with fatigue, mono, sinusitis, shingles (to be fair, I had immunological issues before going on meds, too, and a complicated family situation). I took the year after high school off to recover, went off all meds. All I remember is feeling tired and my sleep being on a weird schedule. 2005 – 2009 (no meds) I started taking some community college classes, started volunteering, and then working full-time. Started paying more attention to my diet (went off gluten and most dairy after I realized it made me feel better). Was doing very, very well. Summer 2009 – Summer 2017 (40 mg Prozac daily, ? Xanax PRN rarely taken; occasional supplements - multi vitamin, vitamin D, fish oil, probiotics) Started on 40mg Prozac (slow taper to START it), as a ‘preventative’ measure against OCD and perfectionism (I know… probably wasn’t necessary, but I can’t prove a negative) as I was about to start at a university in the fall of 2009; I was pushed by family (also on psych meds) to start. I think it helped somewhat but it’s hard to know. Eventually, I had an Rx of Xanax, which I took maybe 5-10x/year as needed. I did well in college, though, started a great career, went to the UK on scholarship to do my Master’s and then decided to QUICKLY taper off the Prozac when my husband and I (we married in 2014) decided to conceive. I don’t remember having any issues coming off the Prozac. I was on it fairly consistently for 8 years. Summer 2017 – May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Pregnant, more depressed than usual, especially after moving back home from the UK and being unsure of what was next. Still, did the damn GRE, applied to PhD programs, got into a great program out East, started setting up our life out there. Obsessive compulsive symptoms were worse than usual but not unmanageable. Late May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Delivered my son. Epidural, long labor. Started breastfeeding. Early June 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Had a week of awful insomnia and anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but it went away. Early June – Mid-July (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Doing okay, just exhausted and depressed (I was breastfeeding around the clock). One week in mid-July 2018 (? Xanax, one-time dosage ~6mg Zoloft, and one-time dosage 2mg Ativan, one-time dosage ? Klonopin in hospital; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Then, at around 7 postpartum weeks - BAM - I was hit with a week of NO SLEEP. I just couldn't sleep and I lost my appetite. I had been given an Rx for Zoloft by my OBGyn and took a very small amount that Friday (I wanted to ease in). That night, all my symptoms were much worse – and I also felt this severe restlessness in my limbs. It was AWFUL. I even tried Xanax to calm me down (I gave to my son pumped breastmilk). My anxiety was so bad that I went to the ER that Sunday. They drew blood and it turned out that my blood sodium was dangerously low (126) - possibly due to not eating enough and drinking too much water. They gave me Ativan (2 mg – which was A LOT for my system), some Klonopin, too, eventually, and fluids overnight and I felt MUCH better the next day. I was given Ativan and Remeron as needed but didn't need to take it for a few weeks. Mid-July to Late Aug 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) I was fine for a few weeks, and then my family and I moved out East, where I was attending grad school (I’m now on medical leave). The anxiety and insomnia came back around the move in August. I took Ativan (0.5 – 1 mg) as needed each day and had some rebound anxiety but was able to get through until setting up care there. I was assigned an interim psychiatrist (before being placed with a regular one), who Rxed me 0.5 Ativan to take at night to sleep for 10 days. This worked for sleep, but not the overall anxiety and depression. Due to breastfeeding concerns, they switched me to Trazodone (25-50 mg), which worked ok for sleep. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep on my own for a couple/few nights. That would be the last time I could do that to-date. Late Aug to Late Sept 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily, 1-5mg Prozac, 25-50 mg Trazodone; supplements: postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, probiotics?) I started seeing a regular psychiatrist in early September, and we agreed I should go back on the Prozac with 1 mg Ativan/day as needed. We started sloooow on the Prozac - 1mg, then 2, then 5. By week 3, I had lost my appetite completely, and my anxiety was through the roof - just on 5mg (I was on 40 before becoming pregnant, so I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so terribly). The Trazodone was no longer helping me sleep, and was giving me terrible dry mouth. My limbs felt like they were vibrating. My psydoc FINALLY directed me to go off the Prozac and Ativan, and Rxed me just Klonopin 0.75mg/day. In addition to the psychiatrist, I saw a primary care doc, who checked my thyroid, adrenal glands (several tests there), vitamin levels, and other things - all normal. My blood sodium has still been a little low, but they believe it's due to not eating enough. Oct 2018 (Klonopin 0.25 – 0.75mg/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) My appetite returned but it was never the same. I was sleeping better, but not well – maybe 6 hours at most, sometimes waking in a panic. I could only take one class. I was very depressed and frustrated, and deeply confused as to why I wasn’t responding to medications. But I felt BETTER than when I was on the Prozac, and was able to feel like I could sleep on my own again, and on just 0.25mg Klonopin/day – but the plan was to let me ‘settle’ and then try a new AD, sooo… Nov 2-4 2018 (25mg Anafranil at night, 0.25-0.5mg Klonopin/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) The psydoc suggested Anafranil, a TCA. The day I started it, we put my dog down and I stopped breastfeeding (I had been tapering on that for months). It wasn’t a great time to start something. But I did. I took it the night of the 2nd, fell asleep instantly, then woke up feeling SO GOD AWFUL about 3 hours later. I had a tremor, I vomited, I couldn’t eat. My husband had to hold me while I shook in bed. I called the psydoc and she told me to keep taking it, sounding annoyed with me. So I pushed through for three days – but that was all I could do. Until then, that was the worst I have ever felt. Nothing could calm me down. Things start heating up here, so I’ll spare some details and focus more on the med changes… Nov 5-8 2018 I barely remember these days. Sleep was poor, I felt awful. Then on a Thursday night, I was up all night with panic attacks. I called my therapist and made the decision to go into the psych hospital. Nov 9 – 15 2018 (In hospital, put on 0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day and worked up to 100 mg Seroquel at night) I didn’t start sleeping until I was put on a combination of Seroquel and Klonopin. BUT, I remember this creeping feeling of “buzziness” and restlessness when I woke up everyday. That feeling would continue to get worse over the coming weeks and stay with me to the present. Nov 15 – Early Dec 2018 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day → 0.25mg Klonopin 2x/day; 100mg Seroquel at night; some supplements – don’t remember) I left the hospital taking 100mg Seroquel at night and 0.5 mg klonopin 2x/day. I officially went on medical leave from grad school. I stuck with this doseage for 2ish weeks, was sleeping well but feeling horribly depressed and anxious, then started to quickly taper the Klonopin. I don’t remember how quickly – but I wasn’t taking anymore than 0.5mg/day by early December. I then tapered on the Seroquel after feeling SO much worse when an IOP psydoc tried bumping the dose to 125mg; I remember not being able to sit still – going outside to pace. No tremor – just pacing, fidgeting, and losing a lot of weight. Early December 2018 – Early Jan 2019 (1mg Ativan at night, 2.5mg Zyprexa at night, 25-100mg Lamictal; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) I made the decision to move back home to do a program specialized in PPD (we ended by moving back entirely later that winter). In the program, I was put on 0.5-1mg Ativan at night, 2.5 mg Zyprexa at night (for sleep – though it never helped), and titrated up to 100mg Lamictal (the psydoc suspected a bipolar spectrum diagnosis). I was still incredibly restless, unable to sit down and just enjoy a movie. And my sleep was growing worse and worse. It was awful – then my mood grew worse and worse as we went up on the Lamictal; I also had increasingly bad tinnitus and TMJ. I was hospitalized as my thinking became suicidal – just ideations, but I was ready to go back in… Early to Mid-Jan 2019 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day, 5mg Paxil/day, 50mg Benadryl at night; 0.25-1mg Risperidone 1-2x/day; some supplements?; THEN back to 150mg Seroquel) In the hospital, I was taken off the Lamictal and put on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep), and Risperidone 0.25mg once or twice a day (I don’t remember). I became increasingly orthostatic (low BP, high HR). I stabilized mood-wise – sorta – and left the hospital feeling off, but better… Within days, though, we tried increasing the Risperidone, and my HR went up to 140 (I think we tried 1 mg). I wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. I was taken off the Risperidone, stayed on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep). Eventually, as my sleep diminished, the PPD IOP doc put me back on Seroquel (I has actually asked to go back on) – but suggested as much as 150mg. After that, my mood really shifted and became erratic; I was really upset and angry at my husband and suicidal ideation returned. So it was suggested I go back in the hospital... Late Jan to Mid-Feb 2019: 3-week hospital stay (see below for crazy med changes) All the docs agreed I didn’t need to be in there this long (everyone kept asking why I was still there), but there I was so they could keep throwing stuff at me to see if something stuck. I was holding out hope SOMETHING would work this time...: First week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 100 mg Seroquel at night, 300mg XR lithium 2x/day (HORRIBLE stomach reaction, especially when the doc abruptly pulled the Seroquel) Second week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, some amount of Depakote (I don’t remember – wasn’t improving, irritable), tried PRNs of 12.5mg Seroquel and became really depressed Third week: 1 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 1200mg gabapentin (taken as 300mg twice during the day, and 600mg at night). That’s how I left the hospital. Mid-Feb to Early-March 2019: (0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 300mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 600mg at night, brief re-trial of lithium – 150mg; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics?) Instantly went down to 0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day (fear of dependence). New trauma-based IOP. Was very constipated. Tried low-dose lithium (150mg) as lithium seemed to be the only med to be helping to-date (along with benzos); was improving somewhat mood-wise, but the stomach issues were SO bad, so we went off. After going off lithium, my restlessness SKYROCKETED, and was particularly bad for 10 days. My stomach was AWFUL; I was taking antacids all the time; seemed to be worse after taking gabapentin, so the new IOP doc cut THAT dosage in half. Developed a tremor. The new IOP psydoc diagnosed me with akathisia – FINALLY. I had NEVER heard of that before (although, in retrospect, I think it has been mentioned to me in the hospital as a possible side-effect of the antipsychotics – but I remember them saying “you can get this, but I don’t see that in you, so…” and so I ignored it (dumb)). When I read about it, I felt so frustrated; this had, no doubt, been plaguing me since at least the one-time Zoloft attempt in July - and in particular since the first Seroquel doseage in November. Doc suggested I reduce my Seroquel from 50 to 25mg; I couldn’t do that for a couple of weeks. Early to Mid-March (→0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, brief re-trial of Depakote – don’t remember dosage; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Continue reducing my Klonopin down to 0.25mg during the day and 0.5mg at night. We tried XR Depakote as a Hail Mary in the med department. It seemed to help a bit, but also increased some of the restlessness. At this point – and this should have come sooner for me – I was done – just DONE– with med changes. My body needed a break. I haven’t added or taken away and particular meds since (with one exception - the propranolol, see below) – though I have reduced the dosages… Early April (0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, up to 70mg propranolol throughout the day; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Was diagnosed with thyroiditis (my thyroid had been normal as recently as January) – a relatively common thing postpartum, but it was ‘late’ to arrive to be postpartum thyroiditis, so doctors suspected the lithium. B/c I was hyperthyroid first (usually follows a pattern of a few months in 'hyper'/overactive mode, followed by anywhere from 3 to 18 (or more) months underactive. I was put on propranolol (taking as much as 70mg throughout the day). That seemed to help the tremor, heart palpitations, and restlessness maybe 50-75% of the time. But it crashed my BP. Early-April to Present (see below) We’ve moved into a new, stable house (both good and really stressful). As of early June, I am off the Seroquel. I tapered from 25 to 0mg by reducing by about 6.25mg every two weeks or so. I tried re-starting it to do an every-other-day ending taper, and felt instantly WORSE, so I am done. But it was probably too quick a taper. I NEVER want to take another antipsychotic again, though; I can point to the beginning of the worst parts of this whole cluster to starting Seroquel, and the akathisia that ensues and continues. I reduced the daytime Klonopin to 0 (though I’ve had to take a 0.0625mg to 0.125mg PRN three times in June as things have grown worse). I still take 0.5mg Klonopin at night. In June, I also went off the propranolol – too quickly – and have been having heart palpitations, and have been orthostatic. My BP was just getting to be so, so low. Now, taking any amount of it seems to make me more agitated/restless or, at best, woozy. In June, I also got ambitious and reduced the gabapentin from taking 400 mg during the day (200mg 2x/day) to 0 at the end of June, mostly b/c I thought it was making me feel worse; I’m not sure on this STILL (or if it ever did much of anything). I still take 300mg at night with 0.5 mg Klonopin. May was my best month - not great (I was still constantly restless, struggled with my appetite, and was really disoriented and depressed), but it felt more manageable. I should have done a slower taper on all things when I felt more stable, then – but here I am. June started out okay but, after going off the Seroquel and trying a glass of wine again (out with a friend), it’s been awful; the akathisia is back in full swing. NOW I seem to have reached this point where my body won’t tolerate much of anything again – as if it’s saying “if you’re done with one, then you’re going to be done with them ALL.” I’ve also noticed that the first half of my menstrual cycle is FAR AND AWAY WORSE than the latter half – and am trying to explore ways to (as naturally as possible) balance my hormones. I tried bioidentical progesterone cream that an integrative MD Rxed and it helped somewhat, but caused cramping and spotting and an upset stomach – no go. Currently Taking 0 – 200mg gabapentin during the day; 300mg gabapentin at night 0.5mg Klonopin at night 5mg melatonin (+10mg B6 – combo pill) at night Fish oil (1400mg EPA + 480 DHA) in morning and afternoon 1500mg primrose oil morning and afternoon 200-400mg magnesium glycinate at night, and magnesium oxide throughout day 2000mg vitamin D afternoon Cal+Mag+Potassium supplement afternoon 2 kinds of probiotics morning Multivitamin morning What Makes Things Worse Alcohol; I haven’t been able to tolerate this since sometime early spring – makes me SUPER anxious. Any antihistamine; it used to help me sleep but something in the last 2-4 months has changed my brain so I now feel WORSE the next morning. Some vitamins (I say that b/c I sometimes feel more buzzy after taking a multivitamin; on the other hand, sometimes I feel better) Caffeine (not that I’ve tested this too much; the most I ever drink is a cup of green tea, and I haven’t been able to do that in weeks) Antacids (found that out the hard way) What Helps Epsom salt baths Sweating Crying (when I am able to) Walking (especially in sunshine) Melatonin (at night – for sleep) Klonopin (but I am trying not to go over 0.5mg/day – mostly at night; and want to taper off) Massage Stretching Kombucha (not too much, though b/c caffeine) Apple cider vinegar + lemon water (ahead of meals and when I have an upset stomach – at east once/day) Eating enough (really tough to do right now) Not Sure if it Helps (tried/trying it) Acupuncture (doing this for a few months now) Therapy – CBT, talk Gabapentin (want to taper off anyway) Primrose oil Multivitamin Fish oil Magnesium Calcium CBD oil What I Need Help With I’m here b/c I need to feel like I’m not crazy when the psydoc says this isn’t still akathisia. I KNOW it is – I KNOW it’s protracted withdrawal and the effect of such a brain-altering year. I know this b/c, even in my most anxious moments pre-postpartum medications, I never felt this protracted insatiable restlessness and dread. I was a champ at sleeping (though a night owl). And my appetite was always solid (too much so, at times). This is DIFFERENT. I also want to get off the gabapentin and the Klonopin – but do so in a smart way. I’m not sure the gabapentin is a net evil right now and shouldn’t be taken off altogether? And is the gabapentin the best thing to drop first? And I need help managing the akathisia. I've read some tips here, and will explore those. Any help on the hormone piece would be invaluable. There is something there. I feel the effects of akathisia/withdrawal/autonomic disregulation far more at the start of my cycle. And this whole postpartum period has been inherently hormonally disregulating (compounded by meds like Depakote, which altered my cycle). Anyone else? Anything help? I plan to keep a more focused journal as this site recommends and track my symptoms alongside food, supplement, and med changes. Of course, what sucks THE MOST is the lost time and what's been taken - from the joy of being a new mother, to what was supposed to be a fulfilling career move in pursuing my PhD (I might have to give up my place now b/c I'm so disabled), to feeling defective for not responding to the 'right treatments.' The worst year of your life should not also be the first year of motherhood. To those of you that read this monster of a post – or event 10% - THANK YOU.
  15. Hello. I’m 33 years old woman. When I was 21 I was given Paxil 20 mg and has taken half a pill since then to atumn 2016. I think I tapered for a month or so, don’t remember exactly. And I was fine for a month or two. But then I started to feel so stressed out and shaky. And I never get stressed. In January 2017 I got a bad cold with very bad throat pain. And I had that pain for about half year. I was so psychology instabil I cried all the time and the next second I laughed hysterically. I thought I was going insane. And I was so agoraphobic. And had my first ever panic attach. I got kind of appendix inflammation where the appendix would swell up and have spasm from hell! I couldn’t walk because every time I took I step i would get a stabbing pain in my appendix. In the summer 2017 I understood what it was! I was going through Paxil withdrawal! So I thought I had to go back and take Paxil again. The pain in my appendix disappeared and I felt normal in my psyche again. And also my throat pain disappeared. But I also got symptoms back that I didn’t want to deal with, sexual disfunction, and other stuff. So I quit Paxil again. My weight went down to 44 kg and I am 166 cm... i was so incredibly depressed I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t work and I layed in bed all day I thought I was going to die because of anxiety. i also got severe burning mouth. And bruxism. And I got bone growth in my palate and under my toung. My mouth hurted so bad. And still does from time to time. And so dry mouth. in New Years from 2017 to 2018 I woke up and had excruciating pain in my stomach. And had to eat something very fast to make it better. And ever since then I have to eat all day long, but my stomach hurts so bad either way. sometimes it burns in my stomach and in my chest. And I have to pee so bad all day long and also at night. I have pain in my bladder. and in my spine and lower back. But the main thing for me is the pain in both sides of my stomach. I think it is the colon? The stomach is sooo bubbly and noisy and the pain is so bad. I have diarrhea almost every day. And I get anxiety and panic when I would sleep because I have so much pain. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I have had this pain and bloating now for 1 1/2 years. It looks like I swallowed a football or something and people have asked me if I’m pregnant. i can’t deal with this pain any more. The only thing that helps with the pain a little is hydroxyzine but I get bad heart palpitations from that. What should I do to get a normal digest system again? And don’t have to eat all day long and pee and have this pain? the pain is on both sides of the stomach far down.
  16. Hi everyone I was on Paxil 20mg for 19 years- most of which time it worked well (except for some weight gain and bloating). While studying at grad school I started taking Adderall for four years until it developed until a problem and managed to come off it inn July 2017. Went through the PAWs from that which lasted for a long time (and is maybe still ongoing). However, since I came off the Adderall, the Paxil appeared to have stopped working (either than or the PAWs from the Adderall was overriding its effects). So 5 months ago I decided to do the Prozac bridge to see if Prozac would work for me. I did a straight switch to Prozac 20 mg without any tapering and felt some withdrawals and also felt weird most likely from starting on the Prozac as well. While taking Prozac I have been up and down, with good weeks and bad. However, in the last two weeks I have had what seem suspiciously like the 'waves' I hear about on this site. I have felt the worst I have ever felt in my life and it seems very much like SSRI withdrawal to me (I've experienced withdrawals from Paxil several times before when I either ran out or tried to quit). This time symptoms include a sense of impending doom, nausea, tinnitus, hypersensitivity to stress, depression. It seems unusual to be suddenly hit with withdrawal symptoms 5 months after giving up Paxil and while still taking Prozac right? So my question is- is this some delayed withdrawal to the Paxil I stopped taking 5 months ago or is it some adverse reaction to the Prozac (even though I have had periods of feeling fine on it). I am leaning towards to the possibility of coming off the Prozac and reinstating the Paxil. Even though I was feeling pretty depressed when I was on Paxil last I didn't feel like this now where I basically feel like I'm losing my mind. Any recommendations on what I should do?
  17. Hey im a 23 year old female, i got on paxil at 18 years old so 5 years ago, iv been off cold turkey since febuary 20th of this year so 112 days. I tried to reisnstate 2 weeks ago i took the medication i think 4 times got an adverse reaction it caused extreme akathisia almost immediately. I stoped taking it and the akathisa is gone now. I knoq every single story is different every person is different, does anyone have a similar story to mine, of how long they were on the medication, the dose and when they started to feel better, sorry if this post is all over the place. I have severe issues concetrating, severe confusion alot and no deep emotions and i just cant think, dont feel connected. I just want atleast a full day or two that i feel like i can think and feel emotions i want to see when some of you guys broke through that wall when going cold turkey from a high dose of paxil and around 5 years being on it prior than you!!!
  18. Frankgrimes

    Frankgrimes: Paxil withdrawal and reinstatment

    For the past 16 years, I had been on a super random combination - 10mg lexapro and 150 Wellbutrin xl in the morning, 2.5 paxil and 25 Zoloft at night. For OCD and depression. I started getting breakthrough depression and my Dr. thought the Paxil was doing more harm than good and we should get me off that and increase the Zoloft. So we did - from 2.5 paxil to 1.25 and 25 zoloft to 50 zoloft. That night I had the most intense sex and it was unreal. Like I had never felt before. Then I fell asleep and woke up early and with energy. My pupils were huge though - I was high and I felt sexually like a 16 year old. I told my doc and a day or two later we dropped the Zoloft down to 37.5. What a productive week of work and gym and dating. The next week I couldn’t tolerate the increased Zoloft so we went down to 25 zoloft and he said sure go off the Paxil. So I went from 2.5 paxil to 1.25 to 0 in 2 weeks. And 25 to 50 to 37.5 to 25 zoloft in 2 weeks. This all happened between February 18 and March 4. On I believe Wednesday the 6th I called the dr. crying and he said to take 1.25 paxil cuz I was in withdrawal. Eventually I went back to 2.5 but the hell was done. I didn’t sleep. I would wake up screaming. I paced for hours straight. Advil PM every night. I went to a urologist and he gave me Levaquin and naproxen and said I had a prostate infection. I didn’t eat the next 10 days. I started having pains. My left left foot went numb. I had pins and needles. My left hand was numb. Pushups hurt my left elbow. Could the Levaquin have caused my pains? Was it the withdrawal? I don’t know. I think it was the withdrawal because now it comes and goes. I had electric shocks. Acupuncture was brutal - so much electricity. Paxil withdrawal - I need hope!! During this, one time after sex i felt an electric volt up and down my entire left side - the worst pain I have ever felt. My left hand was numb. My left foot was numb (my left leg still hurts). I thought I was floxed from the Levaquin. It’s still possible - everything hurt - joints, trigger points. But can be from the withdrawal. At one point my new doc tried to add deplin. It got me high. And then deplin with 12.5 zoloft. 5 days later horrible crying and pain on my left side and withdrawals. I had the chills again. Like the flu. That went away when I restarted the Zoloft. Now 3 months later - I am feeling withdrawal again (or startup effects). I have switched brands of generics thinking maybe that was the issue that caused the depression and I switched from generic lexapro to brand name. Since then I’ve been sweating profusely - first night i was waking up with the sweats. Now I’ll just start sweating like crazy anywhere. I don’t sleep and I can’t sit still. I have a new doc who wants me to take l-methylfolate and lamictal. He wants me off the SSRIs. ’m scared. I can’t take this much more. My doc said I’ll get better. He said I’m not on what I should be on based on my genetics. But I feel it’s too late to change now that I went through and felt withdrawal. Surprisingly I feel pretty good every day from 6 pm - 10 pm. But then sleep happens. Whenever I think about the stress and permanent damage my leg hurts. Please give me hope!!
  19. Hello all, I was prescribed 40 mgs of paroxetine in 1997 for depression. It worked fine for six months, I was then advised by my doctor to come off it and I tapered as per instructions (reducing by 5 mgs a week) and I was fine until I was off the drug completely for six weeks, then I crashed. I felt so bad I went back on. The next time I came off I tapered more slowly, but with the same result, so I went back on again. Fast forward to Christmas 2017 when, stupidly, I reduced from 40 mgs to 20 mgs in one go and went through terrible withdrawal symptoms, but was able to go to work even though I was obviously ill. After reading the advice on this site I up-dosed slightly to 22.5 mgs using a pill crusher, and after a couple of months the withdrawal symptoms remitted. I stayed on the 22.5 mgs for 6 weeks and then reduced by 1mg, I waited 6 more weeks before reducing again by 1 mg. I continued with this schedule until I got to 18 mgs, then everything went haywire with the very worst withdrawal symptoms I have ever experienced. I immediately up-dosed to 20 mgs, hoping this would give me some relief. After 6 weeks I was getting continually worse with increasingly suicidal/self-harming impulses. In desperation I went up to 25 mgs for two weeks and then up to 30 mgs which I have now been on for seven weeks. I've currently been off work sick for nearly three months and I can only describe my symptoms as horrific, as well as ever changing, the worst being extreme agitation and twitching of the body, along with depression, and hyper-sensitivity to any noise, as well as fear of the future. Recently the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Britain has acknowledged SSRI withdrawal as a serious problem and I am contemplating asking for a referral to see a psychiatrist in order to at least to get my experience validated as none of my regular doctors seem to believe that what I am going through is protracted withdrawal. I would be interested to know if anyone has any advice as to what I should do?
  20. Greetings, I decided to join this group, because I'm having some issues, after getting off Paxil. I was on Paxil for 18 years, because of anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Started on 20mg/day, which was reduced to 10 mg/day, due to sexual dysfunction. After 18 years, I got sick of feeling like an unemotional zombie and decided to get off of Paxil for good, starting on my 57th birthday. I started tapering off in late September 2018 and was completely off Paxil, by late February 2019. I didn't experience any severe withdrawal symptoms, except for a 3 week period of insomnia, that popped up towards the end of the taper period. However, after 3 months of being off Paxil, I'm starting to have the following problems: Fits of rage that come out of the blue, brain fog, racing thoughts, periods of self loathing and a messed up sleep schedule, that is becoming difficult to correct. Sometimes, I feel anxiety as well, especially when out in public. There are times I feel my jaw inexplicably tighten up, for no reason, while driving, or when I'm shopping at a store. There have been several incidents, where I felt a panic attack come on, but I managed to calm myself down, by focusing on my breathing, or by splashing some cold water on my face. My self loathing is probably due to the fact, that I'm ashamed at myself for becoming a moody, angry and unmotivated man, who sometimes feels sorry for himself. I have always been a hard working, pro active individual, but now, my sullen mood swings, along with my uncontrollable bouts of rage and anxiety, has turned me into a withdrawn and complacent individual. This is not fair to my wife, nor my kids, who have noticed that my moods are often unpredictable. It's hard explaining to them exactly what's going inside my head, so I keep my issues to myself. I don't direct my rage towards them, thank God, but I have directed my anger at times, towards my two dogs, who mean the world to me. The only thing that helps me, when I feel this type of anger, is by working out on my Bowflex machine, riding my bike, or cranking some music. Sometimes it helps if I play my bass guitar, or work on my Triumph Spitfire in my garage. Doing a chore, or even praying helps me, because it gets my mind off the anger and disappointment that I feel. I'm confident that I can get my sleep schedule back in track. The fact that I worked nights, loading trucks for 26 years, during my 31 year career at UPS, probably has contributed to my messed up sleep schedule. What really worries me is the rage that comes out of the blue and the difficulty in getting motivated to do things around the house. I think my sleep problems are contributing to these issues. There are days that I can get a solid 6-7 hours of sleep straight, however, most times I'm only able to get 3 hours, which forces me to take a nap later in the afternoon. Perhaps this fragmented sleep pattern is causing my anger and anxiety issues, as well as fatigue, which makes it difficult for me to get motivated to do things during the day. I'm not interested in seeing a psychiatrist, because there's no way I want to go back on an antidepressant. It's nice to have my emotions finally back and I realized that there would be a price to pay to get them back. So, are my issues caused by my brain chemistry being altered by taking Paxil for 18 years? Am I suffering from low levels of both Serotonin and Dopamine? Could it be that my Cortisol level is out of whack too? Will my symptoms slowly fade over time? Are there any natural supplements, besides the L-Tyrosine that I'm taking, that can help me out? Thanks in advance for any advice coming my way. Your help is greatly appreciated!
  21. I’m new here and am very happy to have found this resource. I have been on 20mg Paxil for 16 years. I failed at tapering about 8 years ago....did it the way my doctor suggested and crashed three months out. I am scared to stay on it forever, that it will poop out and I will be in a bad spot. So I got the liquid form and started, what I thought was, a slow taper. Also of note, is that the liquid is name brand and I always took generic. I made the mistake of cutting my dose by 25%...so a full dose would be 10ml, I took 7.5. I did this for a month and felt fine. Then I cut by another ml. A week after that, WD hit. I quickly upsized to 9 ml (a 10% cut of my original dose. Mostly nausea for the first 2 1/2 weeks, which was very distressing to me. Thankfully, that faded. Thst’s when the anxiety hit. It is worst in the mornings but sometimes persists in the evenings too. I’m 6 weeks out from the upside right now. I have waves and windows. I’m currently in a wave. Trying to accept where I’m at and what I feel. I worry that even a slow taper will be too hard for me. And I worry that I won’t stabilize at this dose. Thank you for any wisdom you can share with me.
  22. mwiley

    I had no idea!

    I had no idea what I was about to unravel when I thought I could go Cold Turkey and discontinue taking my Paxil on my own after 16 years. I am heartbroken, scared, and feel totally betrayed by the Pharmaceutical Companies. I have now started a long journey to recovery that I had no idea was coming. I am bound and determined to get off this drug. This site and my will power will now be my tools to live drug free! I will now forever be a testament to the power these drugs truly have over us!
  23. Hi all - so so I tried to withdraw from 2.5 paxil while increasing my zoloft from 25 to 50. What a disaster! The 50 zoloft made me manic so I went back down to 25 but went off the 2.5 paxil in two weeks. Pure chaos ensued with crazy agitation and insomnia and practically convulsions! then I went down to 12.5 zoloft and after 5 days the crying began. Reinstated to 25 and feeling the reinstatement effects. Just wanted to connect with others!
  24. Washy

    Washy: Big mess

    Hello. Brief history, 20 years of paxil/seroxat use, 16 months ago i decided with my doctor i wanted to reduce and stop this medication. With his direction of reduction i went down from 30mg to 10mg in 5 months. Brief headaches was experienced during going down. Decided to hold at month 5 as some anxiety issues started. I was advised by my doctor to give my body a rest and hold on a therapeutic dose of 10mg for some time. Really symptoms held for a further 4 months, and was adout to start to reduce further when different symptoms appeared. Since then to today i've been in a slow spiral of worsening symptoms. Since due to research i know he took me off too fast and I'm now suffering for that. I've lost my job as my condition is deteriorating slowly. My doctor advised me to go back on my full dose about 3 months ago, i had my apprehension about his method as he led me to this condition in the first place. So i remained as i am. Maybe now i wish i had listen to him as i am in a pretty rough state. . Do i list my symptoms? I now do not know where to turn or what to do. Loosing hope personally. If anyone here can give me some advise please.
  25. Something I have just started to experience with withdrawal and It hurts so bad! I am 56 year old female. It has been a month of trying to withdraw from 20 mg to 15 mg of Paxil Usually I do two days 20 mg and then three days 15 mg Thought I was doing good then the Temple pain started. Can’t explain but sounds like an inflammation of the Arteries
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