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  1. Brooke Hi everyone! I'm thrilled to finally be posting here. I've been lurking here and there since 2016, when I first found Surviving Antidepressants when I was considering getting off of the Effexor XR and Wellbutrin XL I'd been taking from age 15-30. Like so may of you, withdrawal was hell on Earth. I experienced everything from homicidal visions to extreme noise sensitivity to rage to a bizarre blood vessel disorder called nodular vasculitis. Combined with the tsunami of pain and trauma that came gushing out after I removed my antidepressant band aid, and I was a barely functioning, terrified mess with no psychiatric support. I was lucky, though, to have some resources outside the traditional mental health system that helped me work through my experience, and today I am proud to say that I consider myself cured of chronic depression haven't taken a prescription drug since 2016. It's taken me until now to actually participate in the forum because I needed to know that I was in a solid place. So much of the internet (I'm looking at you Twitter...) can be a triggering environment, and had to make sure that I could mentally handle it. But I trust in the work I've put in, and I'm ready! I say all this not to boast, but to wave from the distance and do my best to act as an example of success. I know that when I was in withdrawal and working through all the trauma, I would have done anything to know that there were people out there who were thriving after spending half their life on antidepressants. Instead, it felt like I was in uncharted waters. I wrote about this for the Washington Post earlier this year, and the flood of support and stories I got in response was overwhelming and heartbreaking. Anyway, happy to answer any questions, and much love to you all. Brooke
  2. NOSEXscitalopram I am a 23 years old male and I was prescribed antidepressants 2 years ago, which permanently damaged my sexuality. It was Spring 2017, after a stressful period of time caused by anemia, I began experiencing symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder. I started having depersonalization, a state in which a person feels "detached" from their mind, thoughts, and emotions. I tried psychotherapy for 2 months, but it was not beneficial for me at all, therefore my next decision was to make an appointment with a private psychiatrist. He prescribed me an antidepressant called ‘Escitalopram’ (also known under the brand names of Cipralex and Lexapro) and said that these medications were well tolerated and the ‘only side effects’ that most of his patients experienced was a dry mouth. A couple of days after starting the antidepressant, my genitals became numb and my sexual functioning decreased by around 50%. I literally felt like I was 90 years old! During my second appointment, I reported this side effect to the psychiatrist, and he reacted by prescribing a different antidepressant. Unfortunately, it was causing the same problem. We then tried a third one which caused more sexual side effects. I kept taking it for about 3 weeks and decided to quit as I had had enough. My psychiatrist informed me, that I might get withdrawal symptoms which are mild and last around a week. When I discontinued the medications, I went through hell! I experienced horrible brain zaps, anxiety, sadness, shaking, insomnia, sweating, and severe problems with concentration - it all lasted about 7 weeks. Additionally, the sexual side effects still persisted at that time - I thought that it could not be possible, so I visited my GP. I had all sorts of medical tests that revealed no abnormalities. Furthermore, I got back to my psychiatrist with the issue, who said that in some cases antidepressants cause permanent sexual dysfunctions. I was terrified. Then I got referred to a urologist, who confirmed that my problem was caused by the antidepressant and unfortunately there was no treatment for it. I am now stuck with permanent damage from these medications and there is no help for me and many sufferers at all. This issue was first reported to regulators in 1991 and the first time any regulator actually confirmed the problem and requested updates of all SSRI/SNRI leaflets was the European Medication Agency in May 2019. Still, there is no research into it and many GPs say that PSSD does not exist. How horrible life can be when you have a condition, which existence is denied by pharmaceutical companies and even medical professionals. I am in an anhedonia state, which negatively affected my progress at university, and destroyed my relationship. I do not think that I will ever be able to have my own family that I have always dreamt of. Antidepressants permanently damaged my sexuality and left me suicidal. But of course, these medications are still recognized as safe and there are more and more people who are prescribed and take them worldwide.
  3. Hi there This is my first post here so apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I'm currently in withdrawal from citalopram which I stopped taking 18 months ago. For the first 6 to 9 months I had the windows and waves pattern. But from around 9 months off the medication onwards the windows and waves have stopped and I've been in a constant state win a number of symptoms. My symptoms are insomnia, lack of appetite stomach and bowel problems, complete emotional blunting, constant sexual dysfunction, fatigue, eyesight problems like blurred vision and some visual disterbance particularly in my left eye and there are other symptoms but those are the main ones. I'm in a constant state with these symptoms which I have been in for around a year now with no windows and waves at all. I'm just a little bit confused about why I'm not getting the windows and waves anymore and what this means or if anyone else has any experience with this? I know the windows and waves are a commonly reported part of this so I'm a bit confused about why I'm not getting this anymore. If anybody knows anything on this subject would be great to hear from you. Thanks and take care xx
  4. started taking paroxetine on medical advice, I felt good in the first two weeks. And after getting worse, losing: sexuality, motivation, intellectual capacity, emotions, I endured for one year using medication, it was the worst year of life, after stopping: very strong withdrawal symptoms, and the symptoms did not improve.gradually improved slightly over 8 years, but still had bad pssd.some medications that I tried, promoted partially cure for some time, but stopped working, like: pramipexole, St. John’s wort, was curing me, but mixed with drugs, I had serotonergic syndrome, during the syndrome my libido was very high, after libido got worse, the whole pssd got worse and hasn’t improved since then.10 years ago, pssd destroyed my life, I tried: parnate, I improved a lot then it lost effect, testosterone improved for 2 weeks after it lost effect. intending to create a pssd foundation in my country, and to raise funds for research, it will take a few years yet, i need to finish my college before, but i will try because i think it is the best i can do.
  5. Zpssd

    Zpssd: Plz help

    I stopped fluvoxamine 2 months ago and started expiriencing sexual dysfunction so i went to my psychiatrist and he added bupropraon(wellbutrin).its been 4 days and i am not noticing any improvement.i need to know that my syptoms wont worsen as long as i am on ssri again
  6. Hello everyone Excuse my bad English, I hope the text is still reasonably readable. I try to keep my story as short as possible, but it will probably be a bit longer anyway. I hope you can give me some advice about my current situation. You can also jump directly to the "Status now" section if you are not interested in the whole history. It is important to mention in advance that I have a severe physical disability and this could explain some of my sensitive reactions to medication. Otherwise I am a normal 25 year old man. Autumn 2016: Due to a longer lasting, pronounced generalized anxiety disorder, my psychiatrist prescribes the medication Deanxit (1 tablet daily) for me in autumn 2016. This consists of the tricyclic antidepressant Melitracen (10mg) and the neuroleptic Flupentixol (0.5mg). This drug may be less well known here in the forum, as it is not available in many countries. With time I became aware that I react very strongly to the drug. My anxiety decreased considerably, but at the same time I felt a rather pronounced indifference and sexual problems (functionality in this area still at about 70%). But for the time being I was able to come to terms with this. Winter 2018 / 2019: I managed to reduce the drug to about 1/4 by December 2018 without any problems. However, the annoying side effects remained, which is why I wanted to discontinue the drug. Since my relatively generous reductions worked well until then and my psychiatrist only spoke of a "homeopathic" dose, I stopped the medication abruptly in December 2018. I will try to describe this weaning attempt as briefly as possible: In the first to weeks I was overwhelmed by a massive flood of impressions. After these two weeks, however, I stabilized and then had the impression that I was slowly returning to the person I was before taking the drug. But after another two weeks, four weeks after stopping, I suddenly felt worse again. From then on I felt worse every day and developed a severe mania, which I had never experienced before. I could not even lie down anymore. As I hoped that this condition would go away on its own, I endured another two weeks. Only after six weeks I started again with the dose of 1/4 tablet of Deanxit. It was only when I started taking the medicine again that I realized how traumatizing this experience was. Two months of pronounced depersonalization followed before I felt my body normal again. But with that, the anxiety states came back again. Summer 2019: Out of desperation, in the summer of 2019 I unfortunately started taking St. John's wort along with my medicine. Although I proceeded very carefully, the level of my medicine probably increased more and more. Because I had placed so much hope in St. John's wort and somehow didn't realize the connection, I held out for about five days in a state of quite a strong excess of Deanxit. For the time being, however, I recovered from this experience without any problems. Autumn 2019: I then tried Rhodiola rosea and Ashwagandha with even greater care. But in large intervals, so that the Deanxit could really be broken down. Especially the Ashwagandha did not suit me at all: A single intake put me completely out of action for one month. I felt a massive apathy and was sometimes not even able to read a text. Of course, this condition also hat a negative influence on my sexuality. Status now: Fortunately I recovered from this state after one month. But only for a few days: I can pretty much state that I got worse again from November 6th 19' on. I became more indifferent again and developed massive sexual problems on the side. It began with the fact that I suddenly no longer felt my genitals. This was followed by many other symptoms. My sexual functioning became worse and worse. In the meantime I'm completely impotent, sexual stimuli do not cause anything anymore. That's why I can't get an erection and orgasm anymore. On an emotional level, I feel exactly the same: I have become completely indifferent, can no longer listen to music and feel no love for my family and friends. What next? After everything I have read on the internet, I strongly assume that my current condition is PSSD, probably triggered by the St. John's wort experiment. However, unlike most other sufferers, I'm currently still taking 30% of 1 tablet of Deanxit. Of course, I'm very concerned that each additional intake of this medication will make my condition worse. However, recently I could not even tolerate a reduction to 27%, the withdrawal symptoms were too strong. Especially since I'm already in a catastrophic condition. And this, although 1/4 tablet was effective in the past. What should I do best in your opinion? I'm very desperate and don't know what to do. At the moment I'm being looked after by a care team at home every day to get by. The next step is the endocrinological examinations. In a first saliva test I had i.a. a progesterone level of 1150 pg/ml (normal range: 23-58 pg/ml)! But what do I do if these tests do not show anything? It was suggested that I could take bupropion. After my experiences with Deanxit, I have actually become very critical about antidepressants, but I'm so desperate that I'm considering to take this. The careers also hope that I will be able to drop the Deanxit better with another AD. Or do you have any other advice on how to get rid of the Deanxit or what to do in my actual situation? Thanks for your help and for taking the time to read through the whole text (which was probably a bit exhausting, sorry)! Greetings trego94
  7. I wish I had discovered this forum before, I feel that it is now too late for me, I made so many mistakes out of desperation and not knowing what I was dealing with, I regret it, I don't know if my brain will return to normal after all this mess. It all started in 2010, I had just turned 17, and after years of bullying at school and depression I went to a psychiatrist who put me on 20 mg paxil, I felt good in the first two weeks, after I felt terrible, I became apathetic, without emotions, with anhedonia, without libido, depersonalized, I complained to the doctor but he said it would get better, so I supported it. after 6 months he added bupropion, he couldn't sleep, he felt panic all the time, he was going crazy, I changed the doctor, lowered paxil to 10 mg and added a benzo and amitriptyline, I felt good for a month, then everything went bad again he I removed amitriptyline and benzo and remained in paxil for another 6 months, and I felt terrible. my doctor removed the paxil in two weeks and said that I shouldn't take any more medication, hell was the withdrawal, but I endured it, I never felt the same again, anhedonia, emotional dullness, without libido, bad cognition. I noticed some small improvements over the next year, I did not know that I should have withdrawn slowly, I did not know that my brain could take years to heal. I was desperate for a cure, doctors and psychologists told me it was all psychological, after a year without medication, I took 1 month of mirtazapine, no improvement, and 1 month of trazodone, 1 month of tianeptine. Knowing what I know today I would say I had pssd, but at the time I didn't know. 2012 I managed to fall in love, but my brain still had all the symptoms of pssd, and sometimes I had erotic dreams, my cognition was better, but libido, anhedonia still very bad. 2013, sometimes I had mild moments of sexual excitement, I started drinking a lot for the next few years, I used MDD, one day and everything seemed to return to normal, except my libido, I used LSD once too, and I felt great except libido. 2014, I could watch TV, my anhedonia was better, cognition was better, sometimes I fell in love and sometimes I felt passion, but the sexual part was still very bad. 2015 and 2016 same thing as 2014 basically. 2017, I started to get desperate again, I wanted to recover my old self, I discovered the pssd forum, and I started testing drugs, I took pramipexole 0.375 mg, for a month, in the first two weeks it resolved my anhedonia but then it stopped working. I took inositol and did nothing. 2018, in January I went to an andrologist, gave me a cocktail of herbs and cialis and it didn't work. In April I took venvanse for a month, with no effect. In May I started St. John's wort, it seemed like it was healing me, everything was getting better, libido returned, genital anesthesia disappeared, so I went to a music festival, I wanted to enjoy it, (they gave me a drug pill, which I thought was mdma) , I started to feel very strange, (it was serotonergic syndrome, but I only discovered a lot afterwards), the next day my libido was very high, nymphomaniac, I had brain zaps, muscle spasms, I took the pill again, and I was very crazy, the next day I no longer had the benefits of the herb of san joao that was healing me and my pssd was worse, much more apathetic, without any libido, the serotonin syndrome got worse, I was confused, I had a seizure. I interrupted the herb, in the following 3 months, my pssd had worsened a lot, greater apathy, tinnitus and constant headache, the herb had more effect. In October 2018, I went to a clinic and took 1200mg of ibogaine, hoping to improve, it was a bad experience, despite feeling drugged for the next 3 months, but in the end I didn't get better. January 2019, I took 1800mg of servo de sao joao at night, I felt a heat in my brain that ran through my body, anhedonia and emotional dullness passed, the anesthesia in the penis disappeared, and I had a little libido, but it only lasted one one day, I tried other St. John's wort, but it never had that effect again. March 2019, for a moment I felt great libido and attraction to a person, even without taking any medication. July 2019, I tried parnate, it didn't help, October 2019 I started parnate, the first two weeks were wonderful, without anhedonia, better mood, although sexual function was not recovered, it lost the effect, except for a slightly better mood, I increased the dose up to 80mg in January, reduced it to 0 by a month, and stopped taking it. 2020, urologist prescribed, testosterone injectable every 10 days, improves erection, but did nothing for libido. Sorry, it was too long, but I tried to say everything, I think I should have given my brain time to heal on its own, as you recommend here, but I was desperate for a cure, and I was stuffed with medicines, and I interrupted the natural process, I think I messed things up a lot. mainly after the serotonin syndrome I lost almost all the little progress I made in years, I no longer have erotic dreams and I became more apathetic and I lost the 10% of libido that was still left, now I know I made a mistake, after 10 years ... my current symptoms are: no libido, apathy, emotional dullness, anhedonia, loss of penis sensitivity, and chronic tension headache. Can I still recover after all this mess?
  8. I know this is an odd question. I have been struggling on and off with anhedonia, insomnia, head pressure, blurry vision and sexual dysfunction for two months. I will have windows where I feel almost completely normal and then add something to my body to make it worse. I was starting to feel better earlier this week after a long wave and had huge windows of improvement. Had some B12 because my doctor said I have a major deficiency and that it was important to get some B12. I had two small drops on two different days to test out. I had trouble sleeping but it was followed by great days emotionally and physically. I was finding music beautiful again and finding men attractive. I decided to try looking at porn, because my attraction was coming back. Almost immediately after, I was thrown into another wave. My vision was blurred, I became foggy and anhedonic. All attraction for men was gone again. I became restless and slept 3 hours the following night. It's been three days and I haven't seen much change. Sleep hasn't improved either and I have major headaches. Has looking at pornography ever thrown anyone into a wave?
  9. Hi, i took seroplex 20mg in january 2015 for few days, i have PSSD (genital anesthesia, 0% libido) and anhedonia no progress since 5 years absolutly nothing
  10. Context [This thread may sound familiar because when I felt the most hopeless and suicidal I made a different thread on PSSD forums, but some user copied that thread here to hide the fact it was the same person as another banned account. I waited to post here until I got to know at which points in time I was supposed to take my medicine. I've been off them for about a year] I started taking the anti-dipressant Zoloft/Setraline for Depression, the stress and anxeity I have from my aspergers and Pure OCD. Everything usually felt dark, heavy and really really sad but there were moments of happiness. I've always been over emotional on the inside, although it might have not looked like that on the outside. I hesitated getting Anti-Dipressants for a long time because I was afraid of permanent affects. I intentionally did not read internet horror stories so I would still take the pill and was truly convinced by my doctors that if I'd stop taking my pills, I'd go back to normal. But that isn't the case. I haven't felt like the same person ever since. I kept having a strong urge to meet up with an old crush of mine again (in the platonic sense) after a long time of not seeing her. I even had dreams about it. When I finally did, I felt almost nothing except physical tiredness even though we technically had a good time. It was that moment I realized just how little actual happiness I can feel yet how easily I can still feel physical pain and tiredness and I started to feel hopeless again. I then also realized how little I felt for the most recent ''crush'' and how back when I was in love with that old crush it was so strong it was unbeliabale. [Timeframe and dosage] I have now finally been able to contact my psychiatrist to find out in which two periods I was supposed to take them. one of about 4 months. The other of about 8. However, I'd sometimes forget my dosage and I stopped cold turkey twice sometime before the end of these periods. -Period 1: -12 December 2017 to -6th of march 2018. -Period 2: -10th of april 2018 to -somewhere in november 2018. It's likely I already stopped by december as I pretended to take them for a while. Something seems off here too, I remember there was a longer period of time I stopped taking in between these two periods. Likely because I also pretended to still take. This means it's likely been a bit more than a year since stopping. In each period I started with 10 mg, very quickly moving to 20 and feeling relatively positive results. Then after moving to 50mg I'd feel too emotionally blunted and it'd scare me so I'd stop and I'd thought it'd go away. Only it didn't. [Experience] The first time I took my pills I immediately felt a bit of relief but thought such quick effect must be in my head. I did quickly get stomach cramps, flatulence, constipipation and diarrheah issues from it which lessened over time. I didn't notice much else at first. Then I got super over emotional and went through one of the hardest periods of my life. I couldn't stop crying and I was constantly anxious and tense and barely slept at all. As it went awayIfelt much less anxeity than ever, I felt a bit more energy and could think more positively. I used to always have an anxious/nervous feeling in my stomach regardless of how I actually felt and it was gone. However I also couldn't feel orgasms anymore and had genital numbness.I still liked the effect for a while. My thinking got more positive and I thoughtI could finally beat depression if I'd just work at it. I was less emotional, but that seemed like a good thing. Until the dosage was upped to 50 at one point and I felt like a complete zombie and I started to get freaked out. I noticed that all this time even on the lower dosage I couldn't cry well and I wasn't actually any happier and in fact found it even harder to feel happy. I cared less even less about doing anything than I did before because I couldn't take anything seriously and nothing made me feel better so I may as well do nothing. I stopped cold turkey (dumb I know) so I'd get all my emotion back but I didn't. I didn't really notice that much initially. Except that I got a lot more tired,. Like..A lot more tired. [Lasting issues] Now I have these issues.. -Cognitive: -General ''brain fog'' type feel. Worse short term memory, much worse concentration, can't process information well esecially if new, More interrupted sleep no matter how calm I am (partially already had this due to GERD), a left eye that twitches a lot, blurry vision that resets a brief moment after every blink, and even less motivation. Like way less. Busy places are much more distracting and tiring than they used to be, yet the anxious feeling I'd usually get from them is gone. I've barely felt functional. It also effects how well I can hear in noisy enviorments and process speech sound. -Emotional: -More irritability/anger. Blunted emotions in general. Harder to cry. Harder to have sympathy/empathy. The hardest to feel feelings are happiness and sadness. Happiness even harder, yet I have no trouble feeling stress. I notice my body still reacts physically asif the feelings are still there (my voice sounding sadder/softer, my heart rate increasing..), yet I can't sense the emotion on the inside like I'm on some kind of anasthetic. I can tell I need to cry but then can't unless in extreme scenarios and when I finally can I don't feel it nearly as well. At least I never lost my ability to laugh. I still get goosebumps/shivers in my head/chest area from certain thoughts, though I tend to need to force this out of me by thinking instead of it triggering by something happening around me making it feel incredibly forced and I notice a disconnect between the no response reality and the excitement of thinking about my desires. My stomach area feels the most numbed of all. It has made me feel more suicidal than I was before. It feels like purgatory. And Like I'm watching a movie of my life instead of living it. -Sexual: -Genital Anasthesia (asin no sexual pleasure from touch) as well as anorgasmia type PSSD. Already had this a bit due to a past porn addiction but it wasn't that bad at all. If I just touch myself to imagery, anything else would be more exciting. If I conciously think about how exciting this is supposed to be, I get shivers down my upper body and am in a state of enjoyment. More than with anything else at least. But I constantly notice the disconnect between feeling nothing of pleasure in my lower body. Especially with the orgasm I feel absolutely nothing exciting whatsoever which is a total anti climax. A sneeze is much more tense. I now have a biological urge (My libido remains unaffected) that I can't actually satiate. No matter how calm I am or how excited I am mentally, my body does not co-operate to make it physically enjoyable yet functionally/on the outside everything works fine. -Other: Still have some gut problems. As a result I have trouble doing anything at all that isn''t more involved than browing random internet forums and listening to gaming reviews on youtube. [Not taken seriously] My dad told me I'm just making this up to avoid having to solve my problems and that its all in my head despite me wishing that was true. Sure I don't know which issues are all caused by the pills but I sure do know it made that nervous feeling go away ever since so it DID make permanent changes. Doctors and psychiatrists and the like don't believe it's possible. My mom believes it's possible but she acts like it's better than what I used to be and that I should just accept this and hope it gets better. Both parents think I shouldn't believe ''those people on the internet and that you're not part of them''. My mom keeps getting mad when I get mad about the problem because ''Well what do you want me to say or do?''. Even though when I was wrongfully treated by a past school of mine my parents fought them with rage yet when my humanity is taken away from me they just expect me to suck it up. Most people either don't believe it at all because doctors say effects can't persist, OR they kind of act like they do but I can easily tell they don't believe and instead just want to support me feeling better. People keep expecting me to function on the level pre ssri. They keep telling me I'm smart yet I'm struggling for reasons that aren't depression. They keep expecting me to care about small things when I even have trouble caring about the things I used to care about most. [Progress] PSSD has not showed a single bit of progress. I've been having a less difficult time feeling sadness however. Tiredness has been lessened by living a better lifestyle but I still don't feel like my old self even though I didn't do these things back than. To not feel like I'm mentally handicapped from tiredness, I started to eat on time everyday and pay more attention to what I eat (including so I get less GERD,) for which I stopped eating late in the evning). I went to the doc for a blood test and the result was low vitamin d and low bloodcells (which I likely have always had yet back then I wasn't that tired) but anyways I got vitamin D supplements (I'm black so it's higher than usual). I started to put all my screens on low blue light filters. I also started to go to go to bed and wake up at certain times (though eventually staying asleep is futile). I want to add some exercise to it soon and make some adjustments to make my GERD better. I today got noise cancelling headphones so I can actually hear what I want to listen to outside. PLEASE SOMEONE give me hope my emotions can get better. Everything feels so pointless when putting in effort to do things only leads to more tiredness and no happiness despite in the past being able to feel happiness.
  11. Hi all, Im male 23 from South India. English is not my first language so please forgive my grammatical mistakes. I had a bad breakup with my Ex girlfriend and went into depression,low libido and anxiety disorder. I was put on Escitalopram 5mg for one month(Mid September to mid October 2018) and I just Cold turkeyed it. My libido didn't improved but anxiety disorder was cured. First 2 months im completely fine but after that I literally faced hell. Below are the withdrawal symptoms that I have faced till date. 1. Insomnia :- I hardly slept 4 hours with this symptom. This is observed in mid January to mid May of 2019. After that it gradually improved. Now I'm able to sleep six and half hours of sleep. I feel like it improved around 70%. 2. Eye floaters :- This one just freaked me out. I started observing them since mid Feb 2019. They are really bothersome for me that time because, i can see them on my PC screen too. Gradually they disappearing. I can say they reduced to 50% of what they were earlier. I think eye folaters are related to sleep. So I hope it may be cured once im completely recovered from insomnia. 3. Diarrhea:- This one comes and goes randomly. I don't know when this will go completely. 4. Sweating :- It started in End of May 2019 and still there. 5. Loss of appetite :- No improvement at all. 6. Lack of confidence (no comments) 7. PSSD :- This one ruined my life. I have no feelings at all. No emotions nothing. Visual simulation is not making me erect anymore. I was suicidal after reading about PSSD. Now it's been 1 month since im using black maca powder. It helped to get back my morning erections and random erections. Now I'm getting erections just by fantasizing something by closing my eyes. But the URGE or DESIRE to have sex is ZERO. I'm planning to continue on Black maca for some more months. If it not works then im gonna try Inositol and SJW. Interesting thing is...... I don't know that Antidepressant do give withdrawal symptoms. My doctor didn't warned me regarding this. I passed through this hell without knowing about it. Last week i got to know about this website and then I understood what I have been through. As I was unaware of withdrawal symptoms and PSSD. I felt like I only had low libido. So I just did all the necessary stuff to bring up my testosterone. Like hitting gym(mainly squats), eating veggies (mainly leafy vegetables) fish eggs nuts, sunbath (for vitamin D). Yes, I definitely gone through waves and windows. But Im unaware of them. So I cant figure out when I had wave and windows. Hereafter I will note it. I have read so many success stories on this website and they truly helped to build my confidence. I need all of your support and advise for me to recover from this pssd. I will keep posting my status on regular basis. Thankyou all (namaste 🙏)
  12. Hi everyone. Long story short, I lost someone close to me and was having a difficult time dealing w/ the grief. Went to my GP who prescribed Lexapro. I only took a small dose for 3 months. Like immediately, my genitals went numb, especially my clitoris area. I dealt with it for a while because my doctor said it should get better with time. When I realized it wasn't improving at all, I came off of it, tapering fairly quickly. Fortunately for me, I didn't experience withdrawal symptoms. Then again, I didn't really experience much improvement in depression anyway. I suspect I was never depressed. Just sad. I expected the sexual numbness, no libido, and lack of orgasm/very weak orgasm to improve upon stopping but I am 4 months out with very little improvement. I feel like vaginally, I'm less numb but it's as though my clitoris isn't even there still. I can climax with my BF but it takes so much time (and A LOT of pressure ... feels like I'm wearing like 2 layers of clothing over that area is the best way I can describe it!) A lot of times I seriously just fake it. It's so discouraging. I feel bad for him because our sex life has totally changed. I was a very sexual person prior to this. I could orgasm very easily and quickly and had so much sensation. I hate to say it, but I don't even feel as attracted to him as I used to. I mean I am, but overall, I'm just so much less sexual and sensual now. I'm angry at myself for taking the Lexapro. I wish I could've been strong enough to not even mention it to my GP. I replay that scenario a lot in my mind. Of course, I've read a lot of horror stories about PSSD, so I'm very scared that this will be permanent for me. I did come across some of Altostrata's posts though, which were very comforting. In my research I haven't come across as many women's stories, so it was refreshing. Overall I am doing much better emotionally now- that's the annoying thing. Like I feel like I probably never needed the stupid Lexapro in the first place, but here I am with these lingering effects from it. I would appreciate any hope or encouragement because this whole thing keeps me awake some nights, as much as I hate to admit that. I just feel like it stole a part of who I am. I should add that I also have Lupus and worry that that complicates my recovery further. I don't know though. Thanks for listening. I wish everyone well.
  13. I’ll keep the introductory story short since this is a forum about antidepressants and withdrawals. In June 2018, after being physically unhealthy and constantly stressed out for a couple years, I got depersonalization/derealization after smoking some marijuana. I kept having panic attacks because I wasn’t aware of what was happening with me, and those made the symptoms worse, inducing more panic. The downward spiral led to a visit to the doctor. I couldn’t take the nightly panic attacks anymore. He prescribed me 10mg Lexapro, thinking I just had depression and anxiety, which was bumped up to 20mg after a couple weeks. The side effects were exactly what you’d expect. I felt zoned out all the time, blunted emotions, increased appetite, gained 30 pounds, sexual dysfunction, fatigue. All of these side effects lessened after a couple months, but remained to an extent. The panic attacks stopped, the anxiety gradually calmed down, but the zoned out feeling became sort of indistinguishable from the depersonalization and derealization, which sucked and is why I really wanted to get off the medication, along with the weight gain and sexual side effects. The psychologist I see biweekly said this would be fine, and that 6-7 months on the 20mg dose was enough. I started my taper on February 1st, cutting down from 20mg to 15mg. The withdrawals were really mild. Basically I felt like I was coming down with a cold for 2 days, that feeling went away, and I didn’t feel any different than I had on 20mg. March 1st I cut down to 10mg. This time I had some electrical-like feelings in my face for a week, which went away. I started feeling a little bit more like myself. April 1st, cut down to 5mg. The electrical-like feelings spread to my arms, but went away after a couple weeks. On May 1st I stopped taking Lexapro. Here are the withdrawals I’ve gone through since stopping Lexapro: Electrical-like sensations throughout the whole body. These have almost entirely gone away now and are usually isolated to a hand or my face. Brain zaps. For some reason I only got these when moving my eyes from side to side. When they happened, my sense of hearing would momentarily change. The fan in my room would briefly sound like the ocean. Loss of appetite. When I was on Lexapro, I used to kill a mountain of food no problem. This was way higher than my appetite before Lexapro, so I guess this loss of appetite is somewhat normal, although sometimes I don’t care to eat now, even when hungry. Anger. This comes and goes, but wasn’t a big part of my personality before or while on Lexapro. I’m usually very agreeable. Most of my anger is towards the doctor who put me on this medication in the first place, in fear that the medication has put me into a deeper hole than I would be in right now had I been given an accurate diagnosis of panic attacks and depersonalization. ”Cortisol mornings”. Last week I had a few of these and they were devastating. I became obsessive about every withdrawal symptom and was convinced I will never recover from any of them. I had one this morning and it sucked. The fear is near the intensity of a panic attack, but not high enough to start one. No more insomnia. I’m a night person. Have been most of my life. Now I’m sleeping 9pm to 5am every night, with no difficulty getting to sleep. This could also be because I cut my caffeine from 4 pops to 2-3 pops daily. Caffeine just isn’t doing much for me right now, and I don’t want to ramp up my intake in fear of inducing a panic attack and getting thrown back into the worst of depersonalization, which has somewhat alleviated. Burning sensations. These typically occur in my feet very intensely, and moderately in my genitals and wrists. I suffered a bout of this last week for a few hours, and am suffering from it a little bit right now. Ear ringing. This happened quite frequently when starting the medication and would go on for around 30 minutes. Now it only lasts maybe 20 seconds at a very low intensity. This may not even be a withdrawal symptom. Sexual dysfunction. I won’t say I didn’t have genital numbness while on Lexapro. I most certainly did. But as I tapered this gradually reduced. Then after 2 weeks off of Lexapro completely, they went numb. After experiencing the burning sensations last week, I regained some feeling, and over the next couple of days I regained even more. Then a lot of feeling went away, but not totally, and some seems to have come back today as I’m experiencing the burning sensations again. I haven’t had any of the other sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction, loss of libido, or delayed/no pleasure orgasms since the first few weeks of starting Lexapro. Floaters. Hate them. They’re also part of derealization. Flat emotions. This comes and goes like many of the other WD symptoms. Some days I’m pretty content, other days I feel complete dread, and sometimes I feel totally flat. Combined with depersonalization, this is a tough one. That’s pretty much it as far as my WD symptoms go. I’d have to agree with the observation here that most WD symptoms tend to come and go, but they’re less severe and don’t last as long during each wave, and my baseline seems to move towards recovery. Anyways, I know 10 months on antidepressants is baby level stuff to a lot of the members here and I just wanted to ask some questions about withdrawal because I’m kind of anxious. How long would you estimate my recovery from WD will take given the dose I took and the length of time I took it? I know there is no definitive answer, and giving me one would heighten my anxiety if that time came and went and I still had some WD symptoms, but a ballpark would be helpful. I’m 28 years of age. What can I do to speed up the process of recovering from WD symptoms? Right now I take a multivitamin daily, as well as some fish oil 2-3 times per day, and get 8 hours of sleep per night. I will admit my diet is crap, also tfw no exercise. Do any of the WD symptoms, such as burning sensations, numbness followed by feeling, leg tingling, etc indicate my nervous system is repairing itself? What can I do to help my nervous system go back to normal?
  14. Hi all, I joined this site several weeks back, tried to create a forum but my internet went out while I was doing so, I don't think it went through, so if this is a repost or posted in the wrong area, I'm sorry. Anyway, long story short, I'm female and close to turning twenty two, I originally started sertraline around 15-16 years old for anxiety, (generalized, panic attacks, and social) and depression. I started at a lower dose but after several years made my way up to 200mg, stayed on it for another several years, and at the age of 21 finally managed to come off them completely after many attempts that failed due to withdrawal. Fast forward to the end/beginning of this year after being off them for around eight months, my suicidal ideation got severe again, and fearing the worst, I jump shipped and started sertraline again because I was afraid of what I may do. After about 2 months on them again at 50mg, I tapered off over about a week and a half because they were giving me brain zaps, reduced sexual function, brain fog, etc, and I realized why I quit in the first place. Now I'm here two months later wondering if I've ruined myself for doing so. I've had a lot of emotional blunting and anhedonia, but the thing that I do not understand is that I am quick to irritability and anger, but nothing else. I can get sad at times, I have cried a few times which I couldn't manage on the short time I went back on the pills, but I used to have full on meltdowns, which I know isn't ideal, but at least it was something. I am an emotional person, and living in this fog and anhedonia is very concerning to me. I had issues with it before on the pills and even the short time off, but not to this extent. I've been trying to be positive, but I'm about two months in and I'm just tired of living through this window, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because sometimes I can feel this literal switch in my body, that is so close to clicking everything back together, but it doesn't. Other times I don't feel a switch at all. I've had more depersonalization episodes which I haven't had before. I always had a bit of dissociation, but the episodes have definitely been worse. I guess I just don't understand why after years of high dosages, constantly going on and off, I could quit fine and return to normal functioning within two months, where as now after a smaller dosage and shorter period, I'm doing way worse two months in now. Sorry if this is too detailed, but I want to be as clear as possible for any other women going through the same thing and to document my personal experience. I also am able to orgasm, but not the way I used to be able to. The short time on the pills I had near 0 interest and orgasm was hard, so while it is good I can do this again, it isn't the same rush as before, and it isn't nearly as pleasurable due to genital numbness. That has gotten better somewhat, I am able to tell if I am touching myself down there and feel the temperature of things, but the pleasure that was there before and the warm feeling is still not back. A little over a month off, I had a couple random times I became wet down there, and would feel more of a throbbing feeling I had before the pills, to elaborate on that I guess aside from the obvious sensation, it was a desire of, holy ****, I need it now! I don't have that anymore, yet again. With enough concentration and thinking about sex enough, I can get somewhat of a desire, but not much. I thought I was getting better a month ago due to the random lubrication and able to feel temperatures again, along with maybe 10-15% of original feeling coming back, but the past month nothing else has changed, and I haven't randomly gotten wet down there or had much of a throbbing sensation since two or three episodes. I guess my question is, what is your experience with withdrawals from anti-depressants? For those of you who have recovered, did it come back at once, or was it a more gradual thing? From my brief time on this site it seems most swing back and forth like a pendulum, getting better than not, then eventually after weeks or months of going back and forth one stone is then officially planted, only to have to fight the next ten ahead, whether it be the fight with emotions or sexual dysfunction. While I certainly would love to hear from everyone, as I have scrolled through many forums on this site, if there are any females my age, I would love to hear your responses in particular just to know there are others like me going through the same thing, and it would help me understand maybe more of what to look for in terms of recovery, though I acknowledge everyone isn't the same. It's just very disheartening being this young and having to worry about this. It sucks, but I have read many success stories and I am trying to stay positive, especially since I have had some recovery, even if it is marginal.
  15. I started on a medicine called anafranil about 6 months ago in July. By far the worst decision in my life, I'm suffering from the worst widthdrawl symtoms. Including emotional blutness, pssd, lost of memory. My whole identity and personality is gone, I'm in emoitonal pain and depressed every day. I notice on the med that I completely lost my sex drive and erections we're completely gone. I'm very scared that I will never have my sexuality back again. I'm young and can't live like this for long. These meds prescribed to me were supposed to help me. I suffer from anxiety and depression with OCD . From what ive researched and read there's no cure for pssd! I've read multiple accounts and posts with no hope. I dont know what I'm going to do moving forward. If anyone could help please!
  16. Hello everyone! I’m on my last leg of tapering right now at 2.5 mg of Prozac and boy does that small dose of 2.5 mg make a difference! I’ll give you all some background information about me and my history with SSRI’s and just overall tell my story so to speak. I’m currently 19 years old attending university (I had to drop out last semester because of the withdrawal from tapering, but I’m back at it!). The first SSRI I ever took was sertraline (Zoloft) at 50 mg for social anxiety and subsequently depression. I think I was thirteen at the time. It pains me to think back to that little boy and how much pain he was in. The sertraline helped a bit. My mother noticed a change in me more than I did. After only a couple of months however, I started to experience some emotional blunting. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just knew I felt flat. We told our family doctor and he agreed that I should stop taking it. I did not taper and I did not experience any withdrawal. The next couple of years I don’t think I took any SSRI’s. I was still depressed and socially anxious at times, but I made a promise to myself that I would make a serious effort to make friends. It was my first real effort at exposure therapy and I did it all by myself. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that my obsessive rumination eventually became too strong for me to handle. It was then that I began taking 20 mg of Prozac. I can’t remember when I started. Most likely between August 2015 to December 2015. I do remember however that I did not have any notable side effects. I still felt the full range of emotions and my sexuality functioned like clockwork. In May 2016, my obsessive thinking got worse due in part to a rejection from a girl I liked. I began to believe that the Prozac wasn’t doing anything, so I went to a doctor and he switched me onto 20 mg of Paxil. It would be later on in the summer of 2016 that I would see a psychiatrist. I complained of extreme lethargy and often times couldnt sleep until four in the morning so he prescribed Wellbutrin at 150 mg and some Trazodone that I would take as needed. The Trazodone effectively zombified me so I avoided it often. (Side note: eventually I mentioned the Trazodone to this druggy kid in my creative writing class. He was literally on acid at the time and he said, “You take Trazodone?! Dude I used to snort that stuff. Don’t **** with that ****.”😂) Over time I stopped believing the Paxil or Wellbutrin had any effect on me. I even started to believe they might be a placebo at the time. I did however notice that I was becoming extremely angry all the time, something completely unlike myself. It was as if the only thing the pills had done was replace my depression with anger. I could also cry at a moments notice. I remember my family and I visited the freedom tower memorial in NY and it took everything in me not to burst out into tears. Because of the anger and my belief the pills were placebos, I eventually decided to stop both the Paxil and Wellbutrin cold turkey. This was in December 2016. I didnt have any notable withdrawal symptoms. No brain zaps or physical problems. My sexuality functioned as it always had. My depression however began to amplify. Sometimes, knowing what I know now, I wonder if this extreme depression was induced partly from withdrawal. It was stronger than any I’d previously had. I was constantly ruminating. I couldn’t sit still for a second without being uncomfortable and anxious. My mind was constantly replaying loops of embarrassing things I had done. Often times I would wake up in the middle of the night with an embarrassing memory and then spend the rest of the night in terror as it played over and over in my head. When I went to school, I felt paranoid. I absolutely hated myself. It is important to note however that I was not suicidal. Eventually I gave up. It took two week of me not going to school or even leaving my room for that matter for my parents to decide what to do with me. Eventually my mom found a treatment center for OCD and anxiety. I was skeptical at first. I had seen therapists in the past. They were well meaning, but they had little impact on my depression. We made an appointment with the director of the clinic. When she first walked in I expected nothing. She was very direct and got right to the point telling me that she might be able to help me or she might not. Either way it would be up to me to put in the effort. I agreed to do their intensive outpatient program. For three hours every day I would be exposed to my deepest fears. Initially she suggested medication, however I refused because of my bad experience on Paxil and Wellbutrin. After a month of IOP however, I still wasn’t getting better. Eventually I caved in. I was desperate. I went to the doctor and he prescribed 40 mg of Prozac and 25 mg of lamictal. When I began taking the Prozac at 20 mg, my mood lifted immediately. For the first time in forever my onslaught of obsessive thought began to abate. Suddenly I was convinced these pills weren’t placebo. I worked up to 40 mg and quickly graduated from the IOP. There were no side effects. I still had a considerable range of emotion and my sexuality worked just fine. But then the Prozac pooped out on me in December of 2017. By then I was beginning to feel depressed again. This should have been a warning that this med wasn’t a long term solution, but I was oblivious to the side effects at the time. I made my way up to 60 mg for a month and then eventually 80 mg in February 2018, the maximum dose. This dose was effective. My depression ceased almost instantly. It wasn’t until around June 2018 on 80 mg that I began to notice some strange things happening. At first I didn’t realize they were due to the Prozac. I began to have these odd states where my thinking was clouded, almost like my brain was fried. It was difficult to form words, and I often felt no emotion whatsoever in these states, but it would go away after a good night sleep, so I didn’t think too much of it. Then I met a girl and began dating her. I quickly noticed that I simply couldn’t fall in love with her, despite the fact that we got along together great and she was beautiful. All my romantic feelings we’re muted compared to what I had felt before. And then my dog ran away. At the time I knew I should be sad, but I couldn’t muster up the emotion. It was like I had to sneeze but the sneeze wouldn’t come. The sadness was almost there, I just couldn’t experience it fully. It was around this same time that I realized that my interest in sex was beginning to dwindle. Because of these things I realized I need to make a change. I began taking two 40 mg pills every other day and then two pills on the rest of the days. This was in the beginning of August 2018. My goal was to get to 40 mg. I did not have any significant withdrawal issues. In fact, initially, my sex drive increased. What did happen is that my depression returned. Because of this my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin at 150 mg. I had to stop taking it because I became extremely suicidal. Every waking thought revolved around me killing myself. I was anxious and irritable and definitely had the energy to do carry out my plans. Thankfully, I stopped taking the Wellbutrin after a week and these thoughts went away. It was this experience that convinced me how harmful these meds can be. Unfortunately I did not know how to taper properly and went way too fast with decreases of 20 mg every 2 weeks. Eventually I got to zero for a couple days but my therapist convinced me to stay on them. Stupidly I jumped all the way back up to 40 mg. But then after two weeks I decided once again that I needed to get off them. I did not know I was playing with fire. Once again I went super fast. When I made it to zero this time however, new symptoms began to hit. I got what I realize now is akathisia. If I tried to read my brain couldn’t form the words into sentences. I began sleeping very little. Most disconcerting, my penis had shriveled up and gotten freezing cold and I stopped getting nocturnal erections(morning wood). It was this that caused me to reinstate my taper after only four days at 0 mg. I went back up to 40 mg over two weeks and my sexual functioning more or less returned. My sex drive however did not. By then I knew what I was really in for. After that I began to taper much slower. This was probably stupid, but I would cut the pills in half and estimate the amount of powder I would take. I did this until December 2018 and made it to 10 mg. Then I got pills that I could cut into smaller pieces and bought a scale and I have been using this method ever since. Throughout the taper, emotional anesthesia arose as a prominent symptom. My sexuality is no longer similar to pre drug levels or even similar to what it was while I was on the drug. It has definitely gotten worse as I’ve decreased the drug. However, so far it seems that after each time I have decreased my dose, my ability to maintain an erection would vanish and then more or less reappear after a couple weeks. Currently I am at 2.5mg! 🎉The akathisia has mostly abated (although I’m sure it’ll come back once I’m fully off the drug) I feel emotionally numb all the time. I feel like I have lost my identity and have no access to my memories. I remember them but I feel nothing when I do. Listening to music is pointless. I no longer play my guitar. My erections are fickle, and I have no sex drive at all. I do still have feeling in my penis, so I am not dealing with genital anesthesia. The closer I get to zero however, the less my penis functions. I even went down to about 0.5 mg and my penis went cold like the time I went to 0 mg a couple months ago. It seems the blood flow returned when I went back to 2.5 yesterday; however, my penis head has these odd striations on it. I am afraid of developing genital anathesis post taper. For those who had genital anesthesia, when did this symptom appear for you? My fear is that the lack of blood supply and lack of erections will lead to nerve atrophy in my penis. For this reason I am taking the rest of my taper even slower than initially planned. As long as my penis doesn’t get cold, I will continue to taper. I have also turned my diet around and cut out sugar and gluten. I want to exercise but this seems to trigger the akathisia so I’ve put it on hold. Im against all supplements as I’ve had bad experienced with them. One thing this site taught me is how cautious I have to be so that my nervous system can heal. Does anyone have any advice for me? Do you think because I haven’t experienced physical symptoms (yet at least) like nausea or muscle pain or even brain zaps that I’ll be able to heal fairly quickly? Or will these effects most likely simply appear once I’m finally off the drug. Prozac does have a long half life after all. What do you guys think? Im also wondering when (or if) my emotions will return post taper. For those who have regained the full range of emotions, were you able to look back at emotional memories and feel what you felt in that moment? Does music sound good again? Lastly, when can I expect symptoms of nueroemotions? I’m actually looking forward to this symptoms as it will mean my emotions are returning and that I don’t have permanent damage. Thank you if you took the time to read this, and sorry if it’s a little long. (p.s. Altostrata if you read this thank you for everything you have done. I’ve spent the past month browsing this site on and off and the level of charity you display is phenomenal. Thank you!)
  17. Sex Med Rev. 2017 Oct;5(4):429-433. doi: 10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.05.002. Epub 2017 Jun 20. Sexual Consequences of Post-SSRI Syndrome. Reisman Y1. Abstract at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28642048 INTRODUCTION: Sexual dysfunctions are well-known side effects of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) use. Altered libido, erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, ejaculatory disorders, and orgasmic problems are frequently reported by patients treated with SSRIs. Moreover, these antidepressant-emergent sexual dysfunctions do not always resolve after discontinuation of the medication and can persist indefinitely. These complaints are termed post-SSRI sexual dysfunctions (PSSD). AIM: To examine the existence of this clinical entity, possible theoretical mechanisms, possible risk factors, and possible treatment modalities. METHODS: Through literature research and clinical experience, the available information about PSSD is reviewed. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURES: Summary of the current literature with insights into possible causes and management options. RESULTS: There are some indications that antidepressant-emergent sexual dysfunctions do not always resolve after discontinuation of the medication and can persist indefinitely in some individuals. Although some or all sexual side effects that start with the use of SSRIs might continue after stopping the medication, other sexual complaints can develop. Decreased capacity to experience sexual pleasure is the most frequent characteristic of this syndrome. CONCLUSION: The research and understanding of PSSD remain limited and not well understood; however, the data support the existence of PSSD, which can have a substantial effect on the quality of life of these patients. More research is warranted to show the cause and possible mechanisms of PSSD that could lead to the correct diagnosis and treatment. Reisman Y. Sexual Consequences of Post-SSRI Syndrome. Sex Med Rev 2017;5:429-433.
  18. Sex Med Rev. 2018 Jan;6(1):29-34. doi: 10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.07.002. Epub 2017 Aug 1. Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction: A Literature Review. Bala A1, Nguyen HMT1, Hellstrom WJG2. Abstract at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28778697 INTRODUCTION: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are a widely used class of drug. Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) is a condition in which patients continue to have sexual side effects after discontinuation of SSRI use. The prevalence of persistent sexual side effects after discontinuing SSRIs is unknown. The recognition and study of PSSD will increase our knowledge base of this underreported and distressing condition. AIM: To provide coverage of the current literature on PSSD, update information on the pathophysiology of PSSD, and discuss potential management options. METHODS: Comprehensive review of literature pertaining to PSSD. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURES: The symptoms, classification, pathophysiology, diagnostic considerations, and management of PSSD were reviewed. RESULTS: Common PSSD symptoms include genital anesthesia, pleasure-less or weak orgasm, decreased sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation. Different theories have been proposed to explain the pathophysiology of PSSD: epigenetic gene expression theory, cytochrome actions, dopamine-serotonin interactions, proopiomelanocortin and melanocortin effects, serotonin neurotoxicity, downregulation of 5-hydroxytryptamine receptor 1A, and hormonal changes in the central and peripheral nervous systems. The diagnosis of PSSD is achieved by excluding all other etiologies of sexual dysfunction. Treating PSSD is challenging, and many strategies have been suggested and tried, including serotonergic antagonists and dopaminergic agonists. There is still no definitive treatment for PSSD. Low-power laser irradiation and phototherapy have shown some promising results. CONCLUSION: PSSD is a debilitating condition that adversely affects quality of life. Further studies are warranted to investigate the prevalence, pathophysiology, and treatment of PSSD. Bala A, Nguyen HMT, Hellstrom WJG. Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction: A Literature Review. Sex Med Rev 2018;6:29-34.
  19. Hello. Altostrata I saw your clip on the youtube where you talked about your experience with the medication. I took one week medication Paxil and It did completely destroyed me.. when I stopped taking this medication I felt so bad and did not know what was happening to me .. then I went to a lot of doctors first with a neurologist who prescribed it and Of course he did not know anything about why I felt so bad... I was doing a lot of analysis and review at doctor, and everything was fine ... even the magnetic resonance of the head, but still I felt so sick.... When I stopped the drug I had a bad concentration, bad memory, forgetfulness, bad sleep, poor libido, poor erection, muscles I do not feel always, Im tired, I can not get muscle inflammation after I exercise, I dont have passion for some things It simply destroyed myself - That drug. I spent so much time try to descover how to reverse this condition and every time i hit wall... the time can only help. I took it for one week, and now its past 5 yrs i feel the same ..im having same symptopms when I stopped that drug? Is it possible that im damaged for life? Please Altostrata, can you tell me this... After 9 yrs did you recover fully in sence that your memory, concentration, muscles and libido is as good as it was before you took that drug?
  20. Shar244

    Shar244

    I was taking 50mg Sertraline daily (prescribed for anxiety) for 2 months in 2016. I stopped taking them instantly due to various side effects; insomnia followed by extreme fatigue and when the sexual dysfunction kicked in that was the last straw for me. I suffered for roughly 3 months with vertigo and nausea. I believe I am left with PSSD and also cognitive issues. I have been anti-depressant free since December 2016 I have experienced two or three ‘windows’ I think they are called? The PSSD has probably improved overall 10% day to day in the last two years. Recovery stories give me hope
  21. I am a 27 years old man. I was on sertraline 100mg for about 8 years. While being on the medication I could not attain penile erection. Tried to have sex with my girlfriend multiple times but failed everytime. My penis felt unresponsive to any sexual stimulus. This was very distressing and hence I stopped taking the medicine by slowly tapering it off. It has been 10 months since I last ingested the medicine but the sexual dysfunction is persistent. I still cannot attain erection and in an addition I have been facing the problem of severe premature ejaculation since I stopped taking the SSRI.Moreover, my memory has been highly affected by the drug. I struggle to remember everyday things. I cannot concentrate. I don't feel emotions. It feels like I am dead from inside. And I almost always feel a burning sensation in my brain. The drug has profoundly impacted my brain functions. I am very helpless right now. My life has become an unbearable tragedy. I don't know what I should do now. I am in a long distance relationship with a girl who wants to marry me. I am desperate to have a family. But I am afraid to go further given my condition. I am completely helpless and somehow surviving the distress caused by PSSD. I am eagerly waiting to hear from my peers in this forum.
  22. Hi all, I'm at a complete loss regarding my situation so I'll start from the beginning. During the summer of 2016 around july I began taking Sertraline 20mg for what I would now describe as mild anxiety, when struggling with initial sides of increased anxiety and sudden insomnia my doctor prescribed me flupentixol which I then took with the sertraline for around 3 months and then went cold turkey on due to severe drowsiness. I continued the sertraline for around 9 months before going cold turkey. I'm so confused regarding my situation because in order to cope with the insomnia I also smoked weed every night whilst taking it to help me sleep which seemed to work wonders. Even after dropping the sertraline I continued smoking weed in order to help me sleep. I had actually never smoked weed prior to this insomnia (I was 26 BTW) and it was a friend's suggestion. Anyway I attempted to quit smoking several times last year after dropping the ssri but noticed an extreme feeling of anxiety at all times whenever I did and and inability to sleep until early hours of the morning. This pattern went on until early this year where I smoked once again before bed internally praying that I would be able to stop somehow. That night and for the next month I suffered the most extreme anxiety attacks I never thought possible, which definitly helped me to cut the weed permanantly. The strange thing is, ever since then I have experienced various symptoms associated with withdrawal which are, Extreme rage/anxiety/depression constantly alternating. Headaches sometimes unbearable migraines. Horrendous restlessness which after reading some accounts on this site I think is akathisia. Burning and aching throughout my body. Extreme hatred towards family and friends which comes and goes. Blurred vison Awful digestive problems (burping nonstop everyday, diarrhea and constipation and bleeding. Bloating Brain fog feels as though someone has hold of my brain smothering it. Vibrating in my ears. Sometimes I spend the entire day crying uncontrollably with anguish twisting my hands and feet with worry and anxiety. Muscles twitching all day and almost zero appetite. I guess my question is, Can withdrawal sometimes take a year to fully manifest? because the weed aswell as cbd oil seemed to keep the anxiety and insomnia at bay then suddenly almost a year after dropping the sertraline I developed all these mental and physical symptoms. Or is there something else wrong with me because I've had cameras in me, been to three different doctors and various homeopaths and they say everything seems fine when it clearly isn't. I've lost my job my friends three stones and it feels as if I've lost control over my entire body and mind. Someone please help lol. I have many other symptoms to an extreme degree but I've actually lost track of everything I'm going through. Still sane though I think.(hope)
  23. Hey everyone. I was put on Zoloft and Concerta at the age of 11 for OCD and ADHD. I have been on 200mg of Zoloft for a long time. I CT'd the 36 mg of concerta in February 2017. I did not do my diligence. I made a change with my psychiatrist in 2017 for the zoloft. That change sent me to hell. She told me I could discontinue quickly while tapering onto another drug, which I thought I needed for my "sanity." I have since fired her and am off all medications after being diagnosed with "serotonin syndrome." Within a week of tapering from 200mg to 150mg and tapering on to another drug, I began experiencing strange symptoms, which, according to my "doctor" have nothing to do with the medication: complete emotional numbness (I struggle with this already due to depression but it is so so much worse now), a deep disconnection from my identity, ego, self, and external environment, random bouts of visual problems, severe memory loss, cognitive issues and fogginess--I feel like I am walking unconsciously, with the only thoughts I am having are intrusive, detached thoughts that don't make sense to me, along with bouts of suicidal ideation and severe and uncontrollable mood swings, an inability to think, reason, rationalize or plan ahead, a lack of spontaneous thoughts, soul crushing anhedonia, akathisia, tremors, numb crying spells with no feeling of sadness underneath, feeling like I am losing my mind, severe depersonalization and derealization, severe insomnia, muscle and joint pain, back pain, complete loss of sexual functioning, generally not feeling alive or like a human being, unable to connect to my environment, friends or family. I blame myself for not doing my research about coming off these medications and I blame myself for ever even going on them, though I don't remember if that was my decision or my parents. I had a pretty strong mind despite OCD and depression before coming off the drugs. I was incredibly smart and loved fishing and now I can barely work and my passion in life means nothing to me anymore. I have been in intensive CBT for the last few months, though it doesn't work because I literally cannot put thoughts together myself, my only thoughts are intrusive it seems. Doctors don't believe me and after doing the research I am not surprised. I understand it is too late for me to reinstate and that I am in for the battle of my life. I have been doing some things to help myself, though I have not seen improvement and don't expect to for years: meditation, engagement in life and things I used to enjoy, pursuing goals even though I don't care about them, eating nutrient dense foods, walking and light exercise, and hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Since I was on these drugs a long time and since I started as a kid I am feeling pretty hopeless that I can get better even though many people keep telling me I can. I expect to deal with OCD, depression, sexual issues the rest of my life but I don't expect to be an emotionless, anhedonic, depersonalized, cognitively impaired zombie who can barely function for the rest of my life. I am looking for hope mainly, a place to come to where people understand, and somewhere I can also offer hope to others who are going through the same. I don't think I can do this by myself anymore, and it is hard to go through all of this when my family and friends don't really understand. It is incredibly difficult to be around people who seemingly are enjoying life and taking for granted their humanity. It is incredibly isolating to be going through severe depression, depersonalization, and cognitive impairment that no one on my therapy team seems to understand. I cannot process my pain or emotions or my past trauma as I cannot access it on an emotional level. I want so badly to integrate my past pain into my life and recover from my life trauma but I cannot do it in this state. As I type this, I am so disconnected that I don't even feel the emotional pain of all of this. I wish you all healing and prosperity and hope that I will someday improve somewhat, at least to the point where I can enjoy fishing again. All I want to do right now is isolate and avoid people and everything that reminds me of what is missing in my life, but am fighting this urge and trying to stay engaged. I am hoping for some advice or hope from others who CT'd or rapid tapered at the advice of a doctor. I know I am afraid right now even though I cannot feel it in my body or mind. I am lost and am not getting the direction I need from therapy because they think I am just depressed, but this is not just depression. I don't expect to go through life without any suffering but this seems a bit too much to handle most days.
  24. hey, i have been experiencing some really bad distress lately. i was put on lexapro 10mg in april 2017 for depression at 18 years old. after one month i experienced the all familiar sexual dysfunction, but since it seemed to give me some relief, i continued to take it, as this was also a stressfull part of my life, with exams during my final school year. after 6-7 months on lexapro i decided i have had enough and quit the medication cold turkey. my immediate withdrawals werent so bad. i felt a sense of light headedness during the day which only lasted about 2 seconds each time, paired with restlessness. it lasted for about a month until it was over. i got on remeron 2 months later and only stayed on it for about 2,5 months before i tapered it over a period of 4 weeks with no symptoms really. now its close to over 8 months since i quit lexapro and i still have some form of sexual function. i cant get erect through thoughts and images, and need physical stimulation either by me or my girlfriend. when im erect i also have very little senseitvity in my penis. at best its a slight ticklish feeling on the penis head. my erections are sometimes hard, but also vanish quickly, though i have had some recent success with the use of cockrings for harder and long lasting erections. my other major symptom is emotional numbness. at the moment i can feel anxiety, sadness through periods of crying, which mostly is triggered by the thought that this is gonna be permanent, and i will never have a fucntion body and brain again. i can still laugh and smile, but it all feels sort of fake and artifical. i havent experienced joy that could be with my for days and get me through several days at the time since i started this medication. the feelings of happiness i get is only in my thoughts, as in i know i should be happy about something, but i dont feel it in my body, just my mind, i dont get a body high from emotions to put it another way. after i started meditating during my remeron taper was about the same time i started seeing my current gf, and i could feel some form of sexual energy going through me parts of the day, and during meditation. it didnt even have to be fully sexual, just her sitting on my lap or w/e, and i would start to get horny and get a small erection going for a bit. it calmed me down in the moment because i already knew about pssd and feared the worst, however that has since dissappered, and hasnt returned for a couple of months. im really looking for answers as my GP and psychiatrist dont believe this really exist, or it is a result of depression. i know for a fact i am not depressed, becuase i rememeber the day i woke up with depression as a day with a gray feeling in chest, sort of where i would get that infaction feel when you crush on someone. that feeling is not present now, and i feel that its just the emotions lacking at this point. for my symptoms i just did a bloodcheck for hormones like test to see if those are the causes for genital numbness, but i doubt it. im writing this short story because im really getting worried that my life will never be like it used to. i will never experience happiness from talking to someone or seeing them again, i will never feel pleasure from sex, which has been pretty barren since i got together with my gf, we only managed it two times. im either not erect enough or losing it just as im inserting the penis, but my psychiatrist says its just mental, which it might very well be to a certain extent. im honestly just looking for some reassurense from someone that this will be over at some point. im hoping it wont 3-5 years like many success stories i read, but if thats the case, so be it. im will be happy if i will get back to normal at some point before my mid to late twenties, becasue i honestly dont think i can go on like this forever, this is just torture. the worst and most raging part about my AD journey was that my doctor assured me that lexapro was "neutral" in his word, and side effects were minor, and i took it because of me being in a vunerable posistion and needing some relief, but now i think im in this for the long run, or the rest of my life, but thats not really an option. i just feel tricked and scammed down to the worst level, even tho i can barely feel anything, i can feel so much anger towards that GP. i dont know how this story reads, because english isnt my native language, but im just looking if anyone can tell me this will be okay and that in years i can write my complete success story, though i dont know what to expect in the coming months or years. please excuse any silly mistakes, this was written in a hurry and i just want some feedback to hopefully calm my mind.
  25. You can check out the Story of me completing the 2018 Brighton Marathon on Sunday in support of the Rxisk Prize campaign on antidepressant permanent injuries that include sexual dysfunction. Here is a blog post on my support campaign called Run Against Castration: https://runagainstcastration.com/2018/04/20/how-i-completed-the-2018-brighton-marathon-supporting-the-rxisk-prize/ And here is a vlog update https://youtu.be/uAZ_sS9RudY Please share and support widely to get our message out
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