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  1. Dear all, I have done all the research possible and contact all persons in the Netherlands who could help me find the answers for coping with this rollercoaster ride of tapering my last 2,5 mg of paroxetine (paxil). I managed to get in touch with a researcher in the area of tapering and withdrawal effects of anti-depressants. He was really helpful with my questions about tapering of and was so kind to share his latest upcoming publication about withdrawal effects and the importance of good guidance from our doctors. I found this article very inspirational and heart warming to know we are not alone in this battle of coming of our medications. I wanted to share this with you, thought it could be helpfull for others as well. Here is the link to the manuscript. It is still under review but already publiced at https://iipdw.org/user-knowledge-psychotropic-drug-withdrawal/ greetings Julia
  2. Hi all, I am writing from the BBC. The Victoria Derbyshire show in the UK are producing a short film about anti-depressant withdrawals and are looking to speak to individuals who have used local street drug dependency services for support throughout this process. If you are someone who has used the support services of street drug charities in the UK for antidepressant withdrawal and are interested in taking part, please do reach out to me via the personal messaging system . We appreciate the very sensitive nature of this difficult experience and anything spoken about will remain confidential unless otherwise agreed. Many thanks.
  3. Hi looking for help with a tapering schedule. On the 07/01/2020 i was prescribed 25mg Seroquel for insomnia and took it everyday for the next month. My prescription lapsed 07/02/2020 and initially attempted to Cold turkey it, immediately ran into rebound insomnia most nights. After doing a bit of reading here it seems its best to taper off, even if you have been on a drug for a short period. I decided to go this route and last night reinstated myself at 12.5mg, this allowed me to sleep for 4 hours. So can someone please help me with a tapering schedule, i want to get off this evil drug asap. But i know rushing it could be detrimental.
  4. Hi looking for help with a tapering schedule. On the 07/01/2020 i was prescribed 25mg Seroquel for insomnia and took it everyday for the next month. My prescription lapsed 07/02/2020 and initially attempted to Cold turkey it, immediately ran into rebound insomnia most nights. After doing a bit of reading here it seems its best to taper off, even if you have been on a drug for a short period. I decided to go this route and last night reinstated myself at 12.5mg, this allowed me to sleep for 4 hours. So can someone please help me with a tapering schedule, i want to get off this evil drug asap. But i know rushing it could be detrimental.
  5. Hi All, I have been reading/lurking a lot here in the last few months but I have decided to finally post. My history is 20mg Paxil for 6 months from 9/18 - 3/19. Then tried to cold turkey and lasted a few days so reinstated 10mg which sucked for about 11 weeks but became stable. Then started cutting 10-15% a month for 8 moths doing fine until about 3-4mg. Then the bottom fell out at around 3.5mg and it has been pretty hardcore for the last 2 months (anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts, feeling insane, poor sleep, loss of motivation, anhedonia, other indescribable feelings in the body) but managing with mindfulness, floating through the symptoms, reading this forum, trying to distract myself, staying social and busy etc. Vaguely stable again but I have a dilemma. I have been reading some work by Dr Peter Breggin and he suggests minimising exposure to any psy drug as much as possible, even in a taper. He has case study stories taking many of his patients off of the drugs in a year or less, then supporting them with therapy. If I was to cut 10% per month down to 0.5mg (where I want to get off in theory) I would be on Paxil for almost 2 more years. I think my slow cut has already doubled my total exposure to the drug (keeping in mind the SERT occupancy charts https://ils.unc.edu/bmh/neoref/nrschizophrenia/jsp/review/tmp/352.pdf). So I want to bite the bullet and jump off soon from 2.8mg and just get hit with another few months of crap but get this drug out of my system. In theory I am a 30% SERT occupancy which is still significant so I am afraid I could just make myself terribly worse for a long long time. But I also have this nagging feeling my body wants this drug out of my system and I think a lot of what is manifesting could be managed by talk therapy, CBT, exercising, staying busy. What are peoples experiences at this junction? Anyone else take Paxil or other SSRIs for a much shorter time than their taper? Am I falling into a classic trap of thinking I can speed this up or is there merit to reducing my exposure to this drug? Any advice is worth its weight in gold here. Thank you all for participating in this important forum 🙏🙏🙏
  6. Hello everybody. I'm from Finland. My health problems started 2015 when I tried to change my diet to vegan even I had build my physics with gym and eating much of meat half of my life and I had big muscles. This suddenly diet changing caused problems. My nervous system didn't recover anymore and I start to lost muscles and power very fast. I stop gym but half year later I started it again but still trying to eat vegan diet and that led me to bad problems. I got sinus problems and cat allegy and I had two cats. All this led me problems caused by medicines. First some medicine caused panic attack when I was sleeping and then I got anxious and doctor gave me benzos. They caused problems and when I tried to get off them but I made some mistakes because I didn't understand how it should to do and doctors also didn't understand. I started to use mirtazapine (same than remeron) for sleeping when tapering benzos and it caused even bigger problem and when I tried to get off mirtazapine the situation went so bad that I started to SSRI named Escitalopram (same than Cipralex or Lexapro) because pressure by the doctor and my symptoms was also so bad. Doctors didn't believe withdrawal symptoms by mirtazapine. When I reducing the mirtazapine dose my digestive system also stop working properly and I think that also made me feel so horrible. It took time to find how I should eat. When I tried to reduce my Escitalopram dose I failed few times. Then I started to looking some ways to make systems of my body working better that reducing the medicine could working and one after another I found some things that worked for me. Finally the reducing the dose start to working. I also found a good method from one Facebook group. The problem was that escitalopram is not water soluble. I developed that method a little better. In this video I show how I made that: How I tapering Escitalopram I tapered the dose about one year from 15 milligrams to 5,73 milligrams. Then I started suspect that the medicine itself make the tapering harder. That is a little hard to explain. I decided to jump to zero from that dose and I knew it's huge jump. With all my systems that I had found my symptoms have stay tolerable. I mean food system and some supplements. I kind of manipulate my nervous system with them that the symptoms stay away or not completely away but they stay much easier. I took my last dose in 28 th september 2019. It was over 4 months ago. Now I feel this is gonna take very long time to heal. I can't sport much and I can't even use computers too much. I need even limit reading books or listening audio books because capacity of my brain is so low. So I need allways consider where to I want to use my limited capacity. If I have used too much computer and smart phone it can took few days to recover from that. Sometimes I also feel anxious and depressed. My nervous system is also extreme sensitive to many things like herbal spices, vitamins, many foods and so on. My food system is very very limited and exact. I have to eat certain foods exactly in certain ratio. If they are not in that same ratio I get symptoms. All those my systems protect me that my situation stay tolerable. I also need to take certain supplements at a certain time and just the certain dose or I get symptoms. Now I'm just waiting how long this is gonna take and when all this is going to get better or is the worst yet to come. I guess this is going to take at least year but probably longer to heal. So my problems started from very little but because my and doctors weak understanding the small problem grew very big problem. Every time I understood certaing things when it was already too late and the situation was got worst.
  7. I am new to this site and hoping to get some tips. I have been on Lexapro for about 19 years ( now mid50s) and really want to come off it. I first went on when I suffered anxiety after suddenly losing my mother and really should not have stayed on so long. Tried coming off a few times and got irritable/ mood changes so resumed (all attempts were cold turkey). Since Oct, at the advice of my doctor I halved to 10mg in one go for 6 weeks and then to zero from there about 6 weeks ago. I thought I was being slow and careful, but reading some of your posts, I have gone way too quick! I had no idea about the withdrawal effects - and neither did my doctor either, it would seem! in the last few weeks I have had vertigo/ dizziness which now seems to have resolved, but am very irritable/ short fused for the past 3-4 weeks. I am unsure what to do now - should I wait it out and stay off the pills, or am I likely setting myself up for a big fail? Shoukd I go back on some dose, and stay there for a while before tapering more slowly in 3-6 months time? There is no big hurry, I just want to be aiming to get to zero at a safe point any advice on the best path from here would be appreciated. Unsure what I should do and if these symptoms will stay/ or get worse if I stay off tge a Lexapro
  8. Hi All, First of all I am so pleased that I found out about this website because in my own country The Netherlands, there is so little information about withdrawal effects of SSRI and SNRIs. It really warms my heart, that there is so much support and sharing of experiences here, I know now I am not alone! I am a female of 32 years and use paroxetine (seroxat) for 11 years now. After an intense 3 months inside a psychology clinic I learned a lot about myself and decided I don't longer need the medication. My journey so far: 9 years 20 mg, 1,5 year 10 mg. Now tapering to get off the Seroxat medication, first tapered from 10 mg to 5 mg in one month without problems. 2 weeks ago I started the tapering from 5 mg and after two weeks around the 2,5 mg I noticed severe withdrawal effects. First I thought I had the flu, but now I know better My Withdrawal symptoms are: Irritability, agitation, dizziness, sensory disturbances ( electric shock sensations in my fingers), emotional lability, insomnia and heavy feeling in my upper legs. Since I became aware this are withdrawal symptoms I stabilized at 2,5 mg by taking an suspension of 2mg/ml and would like some advise how to go on from here. I am considering the 10% Brassmonkey tapering ( decreasing your dose by 2.5% a week for four weeks and then holding an additional two weeks to stabilize). I use Omega 3 oil and magnesium supplements and am now 5 days on the 2,5 mg. Although i notice a decrease in some of the withdrawal effects, it is still pretty severe. The dizziness is better but the other symptoms are still there. Is updosing helpfull? and how far back I have to go? 5 mg gave no withdrawal effects, they started somewhere in the two weeks when I was tapering off between 5 and 2,5 mg. I really hope you can help me. thanks a lot greetings Julia
  9. Just wanted to say hi. I am new here and hoping to post on the tapering forum for some advice coming off meds. I’m not sure when I can use that forum after joining, does anyone know? Thank you Ju
  10. I am new here. I have tapered myself off of a low (50mg) dose of sertraline. (This time) I have been on and off Zoloft/ sertraline for decades. It's been several months of no SSRI and I am looking for any and all help with learning more about surviving and staying off of these drugs after watching several videos and checking into Mad in America.
  11. My Gemini scale arrived this week with a set of glass graduated cylinders. I've read that the transition from solid to liquid dosing can be a little hairy. Can anyone help with suggestions for making the switch? Am currently taking ~8mg, in pieces, with a glass of water. I would like to be dosing completely in liquid form by the time my dose gets down to 5 mg in a few months. Should I just start dissolving all 8mgs now, or divide the dose into liquid and solid portions. If so, is there any ratio I should be targeting? I also have 00 gelatin capsules that I can fill with solid portions to conserve the bits that disintegrate to powder if necessary.
  12. anytriptaline

    Particle size after using a grinder

    I've been doing 4 tapers since September, so far so good, no real benefit really but the side effects continue to be the same I've done it with an analytical scale and this pill grinder https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D3X37L8/ref=ppx_od_dt_b_asin_title_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 Something I've noticed (as show in my attachment) is that the consistency is not homogeneous, it's not great picture, but the darker, more colorful particles are considerably bigger than the ones you see as more pale, who have the consistency of pretty fine dust Just to be sure, I mix the resulting grind before filling the capsules in an attempt to make them more homogeneous I do kinda wonder if it's just the quality of the grinder or the particle size represents something I should be more careful about (filling vs active substance for example) In this case the mix is amitriptyline
  13. Can anyone Help me with how to taper my daughter off Risperidone please. shes only been on it for 10 weeks and first reduction has seen an improvement what next with doctors meeting coming up 17th Dec 2019. thanks Rob Tapering Risperidone. 3mg Risperidone for 6 weeks 2.5mg Risperidone for 4 weeks (till 17th December) 8th October 2019 3mg Risperidone prescribed. 19th November 2019 .5mg reduction to 2.5mg (Positive effects) 17th December 2019 (Want further reduction and tapering plan in place) Psychotic Event 20th August 2019, In France on Holiday before going to Italy for completion of University degree, was to return home for Christmas 2019 to New Zealand. Lead up to Event Previous 2-3 years build up of stresses boy friend, University studies. late night parties working at bar. 6 months prior to event Stresses even greater with overseas trip planning and organization and having to achieve b+ average grades. Key stressors immediately prior to event. Break up with boyfriend, afraid of boyfriends mothers actions. Lots of alcohol and lack of sleep. Time line. 20th August 2019 call for help. Phone calls and paranoia close to being admitted in France. Looked after by friends and slipped some mild anti anxiety pills. Paranoid and little sleep. 27th August 2019 Dad Arrives in France. Need to bring her back to NZ as soon as. Paranoia no sleep and very distressed. Mild sleeping pills and anti anxiety pills from gp but said he cant help. 7th September 2019 Arrived back in New Zealand. Condition worsening. 10th September 2019 Hospitalised. Tried with a medley of drugs until psychosis was interrupted with Risperidone 3mg showing real improvement from 8th of October. 2019. 8th October 2019 3mg Risperidone 15th October 2019 released from hospital. Side effects stiffness flat no spark. 19th of November .5 mg reduction in Risperidone from 3-2.5mg per day. Benzatropine taken for 5 days to see affect improved side affects. But reduced meds seems to have the same affect and Benzatropine no longer taken. 10th Of December Today. I has improved with the drop in dose and is showing signs of improvement. She sleeps 12 hours a day movemnets are slow and sluggish and she is flat without much spark. Stable and well doing exercise, staying with family, working as painting helper with dad 4-5 hours a day 5 days a weelk. Has had no anxiety, strange thoughts disrupted sleep or paranoia feelings at all and is talking lucidly about her experience. Both her parents would like to see her tapered right off Resperidone safely (and obviously as quickly as possible but fully aware of the risks) 17th December 2019 next meeting with Doctor when we will be requesting a tapering program and reduction till zero
  14. cathnz

    cathnz: Tapering off Mirtazapine

    Hi there, I'm getting ready for a future reduction in Mirtazapine. It won't be any time soon (I need to get stable first) but am just wondering how I will go about this. I live in NZ and Mirtazapine only comes in the form of tablets (i.e not liquid or capsules with beads). I have 2 options... getting a compounding pharmacy to make up capsules (very expensive), or getting some gemini scales and shaving the tablets. All the info I can find on here is about taking beads out of capsules (which isn't possible with a compacted tablet). Is the shaving off and weighing on a gemini scale an option? And the pink coating that is on the tablet... is this part of the active ingredient too?
  15. Hi there, I'm new to this site but need help! Have had 15 years of AD use, which include a couple of changes due to 'poop outs'. My last change was 9 weeks ago when the 15mg paroxetine that I'd been on for 7 years pooped out. Ended up under crisis team and physchiatrist switched me to 15mg Mirtazapine (straight switch from one day to the next). I had done a similar switch back in 2007 when my lexapro pooped out (tapered down over 2 weeks then switched straight over to the paroxetine). Over the last 6 weeks on Mirtazapine, the physchiatrist titrated me up to 45mg as I was in a bad state. 45mg WAY too high for me and caused akathisia, so he dropped me back to 30mg (after 3 weeks on 45mg). Akathisia better, but still lingering, so he wants to drop me down to 22.5mg. What do I do... I need this akathisia to stop ASAP, so a drawn out taper seems like far too long to wait! But I'm sure my body is in crisis from the med switch and titrating up then quick drop back down. Also used benzos over 4 weeks during switch, and titrated off them. Am I better to put up with the akathisia and do a slow taper? He thinks that drop percentage is fine (25%), but after reading this site combined with the weird experiences I'm having I'm too scared (so I'll need to enlist the help of a chemical compounding pharmacy) . Am I better to do that drop (25%) to stop the akathisia quickly, or just let my body settle down? Do 10% in another 2 weeks time (so that will be 4 weeks after my drop from 45mg to 30mg). I don't know what to do... I have been under the care of the crisis team and been going along with the plan, but can't help but feel these side effects are worse than having no treatment! I'm only 43 with a beautiful husband and son, but I'm scared that I've screwed my poor body up for life. I need advice, and stories of hope (and of easy withdrawls, not just horror stories, to give me hope). P. S Could my akathisia actually be paroxetine withdrawls even though I went straight onto another med?
  16. Tomorrow morning I’m starting the dreadful journey of withdrawing from Effexor. Currently taking 300mg mane. I’ve been taking for >10 years, so I’m expecting the worst. My GP is very much onside, thank goodness. Over the last 4 years, I’ve taken myself off quetiapine, nitrazepam, regular lorazepam (up to 8mg per day), dihydrocodeine and tapentadol (opiate). I’m still taking OxyContin and Pregabalin. I suppose I’ll have to get off them sometime.
  17. Hi there everyone, Im really hoping to get some perspective on my situation as it feels as though Im a bit of a loss. My story: In May 2016 I suffered a mental break due to high situational stress which resurfaced trauma. I experienced panic attacks, depression, paranoia (induced by an acne medication started in the days prior) instrusive thoughts, etc. Not knowing what was happening I saw an MD that prescribed me Zoloft. After 2 days on it I became desperate and ended up in hospital where I was switched onto Lexapro 15mg and Risperidone 0.5 for my racing thoughts and sleeping pills. I was released after 2 weeks and soon after I quickly gave up the sleeping pills. I underwent psychotherapy and in February 2017 I gave up the dose of Risperidone and reduced my Lexapro to 10 mg. In spring of 2018 I talked to my MD about feeling strong enough to begin my taper as I felt like I'd been functioning well. The side effects of reduced emotions, 30lb weight gain and low libido were nagging me so he said I was approved to go. I did some research and began reducing at what I thought was a slow taper; in retrospect I can see it wasn't. I did my best to cut the pills and did this: -10mg to 7.5mg for 2 weeks - 7.5mg to 6mg for 3 weeks - 6mg to 5mg for 2 weeks And so forth... As I tapered I experienced WD symptoms like anxiety, panic, dizziness, crying spells etc. As a result I started seeing a therapist who was supportive of what I was trying to do. When I got to smaller doses I switched to a liquid form of lexapro and managed to wean myself to 1.2mg and then it was TOO MUCH. I reinstated to 1.3mg and recovered for months as my work life became so complicated and I needed time to help myself. That last taper was in Sept 2018 and here I am nearly 10 months later. I have been changing my lifestyle and working through again resurfaced traumas with a new therapist, and Im feeling more like that mild to moderate depression is lifting. I have been struggling again with a lack in range of emotions and wondering if this is a me problem or a medication issue. The therapist seems to think that my anxiety and mild/moderate depression are back and new meds is the key solution. With all the progress I've made and how I've grown in over 3 years makes me think otherwise, so I feel stuck. Being on such a low dose how should I go about continuing my taper? Is it possible Im experiencing a poop-out that I've read about? Just looking for advice! On the day to day my mood is stable not much anxiety except around my cycle. Just again those flattened emotions which is frustrating. This website has been a guide post for me in educating myself, thank you so much!
  18. Hello guys, I'm Giuseppe from Italy. I've stumbled upon your website when looking for some help with the withdrwal sindrome that I'm experiencing in this period. I've finished tapering the Citalopram last week and now I feel some side effects (mostly dizziness). Just wonder if somebody is experiencing the same and how he/she is coping with that. Thanks to anybody who would like to give me some advices. best to all, Giuseppe
  19. Hi All, I am new here, and I hope that the collective experience across the forum is helpful for my situation. I am currently 27 years old and have been on medication since I was 18 years old for depression, OCD, and IBS-Constipation (directly tied to when I feel more depressed). I have mostly been on SSRIs, which have been helpful with depression, OCD, and regulating my peristalsis.. Medication summary below: 2009-2012: Celexa (up to 40 mg) 2012-2013- Lexapro / Abilify 2014 - Clomipramine. Clomipramine + Abilify. Result: Realized higher doses of clomipramine caused too many side effects for me and could not tolerate it, even though it was helpful.Became tachycardic and other anticholinergic effects of combination led me and physician to revert back to SSRIs. 2015: Zoloft; Verdict: Made my IBS symptoms worse; depression and OCD better. However, due to increased diarrhea had to go off Zoloft. 2016: Due to gut that was made worse by Zoloft and doing very short-term trials of other SSRIs which also made my gut worse, I tried EMSAM (MAOI) for three months. Verdict: Did not help at all 2016 - 2017: Went back to Celexa (40 mg). Helped but felt it was not effective as back in 2009, even at maximal dosage. Eventually had relapse of depression in Summer 2017. Summer 2017: Tried course of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation after Celexa stopped working. Verdict: Did not help at all 2017-Present: 200 mg Luvox Verdict: In summer 2018, Luvox also stopped working and had relapse of depression. Summer 2018: I ended up going to homeopath in mid, which has been the most helpful thing to me so far. I have adopted the SCD diet, which has greatly helped my gut, and the remedies she has prescribed actually pulled me out of the depression I was in and made my OCD better, all while still on 200 mg The current situation is that I am still on 200 mg Luvox and with the homeopathy, my symptoms have greatly improved. Back in January 2019, I tried to go down on the Luvox, first to 175 mg (wait 2-3 weeks), then to 162.5 (wait 3 weeks), then to 150 mg (for about 5 weeks). It appears, that although I did not realize it at the time, my symptoms were getting worse, with more mood swings again, and my constipation was becoming more frequent. Most recently, I became completely non-functional and could barely get through one day. Just a few days ago I increased back up to 175 mg to see if I would feel better. So now I am in a predicament, as I really don't think the SSRIs are helping me much because 2 different ones have now pooped out on me in less than a year, but the homeopathy has allowed me to return to normalcy gradually. I am certainly still not far along in the homeopathy (only about a year), but I have definitely felt a difference. I thought I was ready to taper off the Luvox gradually, but clearly, given my relapse of depression and constipation, I maybe went too fast. I have read about the 10% rule, which I largely stuck to, but maybe I will have to go slower. Maybe I will use compounding next time around, maybe weighing out the pills. I do have some questions for the community. -Anybody have any thoughts on my experience or anything they experienced with Luvox? -Over the years of going up and down on SSRIs, I developed muscle twitching and a weird pain in the back left of my head, which I feel especially when my mood gets worse (as was the case recently when I lowered the dose of Luvox). Anyone experienced this / any tips on how to deal with these or what this could be? -I've only been on Luvox for about 16 months. However, I have been on SSRIs for a long time (about 10 years). Does that mean it can still take me forever to get off Luvox?
  20. Hi everyone. I've been reading this site for the past few months ever since I gratefully stumbled upon it and finally made an account. In early 2018 I successfully tapered from 30mg citalopram down to 20mg by cutting a 10mg tablet. I went down about 2.5mg/month. I tried a couple of times to go down to 17.5mg but the symptoms were intense and I realized it was too difficult to get a consistent amount with cutting the tablets so I decided to stick with 20mg until I found a more consistent way to taper. I read about the dissolve method working successfully on a post on this site and decided that would be my route. I bought some 10cc syringes with .2mL gradations. Last night I tried my first dose at an 8% taper - 18.4mg. I'm feeling worse than i'd expected/hoped considering it was such a small difference, but I have historically had a rather sensitive system. I'm starting to question whether I'm really meant to go down, if this is a sign I should keep my current dose. My life certainly isn't in a particularly solid place (though it's relatively stable). But I know it will only become more difficult the longer I'm on it, and I've seen only marginal if any benefit from taking it. Looking to document my process and experience here and contribute to this supportive community as well as find guidance about how to approach my own path.
  21. I found my way here from the New Yorker article published online last week. Very thought-provoking and not exactly encouraging about this process. I started taking Effexor probably 18 or so years ago; it was my first antidepressant and worked well from the get-go. After 8 or so years I was feeling well enough that I wanted to quit taking it, so my medical person (nurse practitioner) advised me to taper VERY slowly. I was only taking 75 mg XR at the time, and she had me taper over 4 months. I was very impatient with the process but followed instructions exactly and never had a single withdrawal symptom. It went perfectly. A few years later, I was struggling with depression again and once more started Effexor. It worked as well, but I required a higher dosage (150 mg). Last year, my husband died and my depression deepened considerably. I gradually increased the dosage to 300 mg, which seemed to be working more or less. Recently, my therapist and I decided that it would be a good idea to get off Effexor and try Wellbutrin, as Effexor no longer seemed to be helping. My most recent attempt to taper off was a miserable failure; I had several nasty withdrawal problems and stopped almost immediately. One problem I have is that the dose I take now consists of a solid pill, not a capsule filled with tiny pills that I can divide into several doses. The directions say not to cut, chew, or otherwise damage the pill before taking it, so really gradual tapering is not possible. I have to use various sizes of pills to try and work around this problem, and it doesn't seem to be gradual enough. I'm hoping to get some practical help from others who have been through this themselves. Thanks for listening.
  22. Hi everyone, I just joined this site. I am tapering from 200 mg of Zoloft. I've been taking Zoloft for about 20 years now, and a better amount of that time has been 200 mg. I started tapering by 25 mg every 2 weeks on February 7, 2019. I just started 100 mg today. I had a bit of a hiccup and had to take 125 mg for a bit longer than expected. The reason for my taper is that I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was originally diagnosed with depression, and used alcohol as a crutch. I quit drinking early November of 2018 and am enrolled in DBT classes. My psychiatrist seems to think that my issues are mainly BPD and alcohol so I may be able to get off the Zoloft. I'm having a multitude of symptoms and I would love to be welcomed in your group so that I can share my experiences and learn from others.
  23. Topic title: 20 to 18mg duloxetine is harder than 30 to 20mg Hi there I spent most of last year on 30mg of duloxetine (20 years of depression generally pretty well managed by medication - lots of different ones). Having started meditating regularly in the summer which I've kept up along with regular exercise - I was feeling pretty good so went down to 20mg around November. I had no problems at all. Even with christmas and an operation to deal with! 2 weeks ago, I started following the guidance on this site on tapering duloxetine and used ball counting and gelatine capsules to taper to 18mg. It's been very hard. Tears and irritability. I haven't been like this in a long time. Why would it be harder to go from 20mg to 18 that it was from 90 to 60 , 60 to 30 or 30 to 20?? It doesn't seem right. I've booked to the see the psychiatrist next week because my family are a bit alarmed and worried. But he is very pro medication. I don't think he'll be happy about my plans. But now I know duloxetine is so hard to come off, I want off it more than ever! I would not be completely against starting something else additionally to see me through but I know Prozac is often preferred and it has a bad effect on me s isn't an option. I so grateful if you've taken the time to read this!
  24. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 20 years. Since November 2018, I've started tapering from my initial dosage (300-mg per day). I'm down to 200-mg per day. If I could sum up what Wellbutrin has done for me, I would say this. The monsters that Wellbutrin imprisoned for 20-years are slowly escaping now that the prison itself is slowly breaking down. And I’m once again left with dealing with issues, old relics which caused my depression in the first place. I suffered much abuse as a child and as a result, I had a lot of anger. As a teen, my controlling parents abandoned me and then in my twenties, when I was too lost, angry and hopeless, and I didn't have life skills developed enough to function in this world, they threw me to the wolves because I wouldn't cooperate with them because I was tired of their s**t. After a shrink experimented on me, I was finally placed on a benzodiazepine. After suffering from weird side effects, fearing permanent damage to my body, without my doctor’s knowledge, I slowly tapered off the stuff. My doctor was useless and had the deer in the headlights look when I showed him the damning research I did on benzodiazepines. After months of perpetual fatigue, I finally went back to my witch doctor and I allowed him to place me on Wellbutrin. I was that desperate. Along with curing the chronic fatigue, Wellbutrin took away all my anger and anxiety, so I could function and work at getting myself out of the terrible situation I found myself in. Fast forward twenty years. My current situation, suffering from withdrawal, has caused me to experience flashbacks in the form of vivid dreams. I believe these flashbacks and the extreme anger I feel are symptoms telling me that I need to work on myself. I married in my 50’s to a man who had two daughters ages 11 and 14. His ex-wife, if I had to guess, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and is a Narcissistic Queen Mother. My husband’s ex is intrusive, loud, inpatient, and flamboyant. She is easily frustrated, often bursting into rages than can terrify her children. She can be disingenuous and lies in order to get what she wants. The Queen relates to others with superficiality and an air of detachment. My husband’s ex perceived others, including her girls, as a threat to her own survival unless we all relinquish their needs for hers. Queen mothers compete with their children for a time, attention, love, and money. Superficial interest and a lack of attunement to the child's emotional needs are typical of Queen mothers. I don’t think I need to continue with the description because I think you get the point. Her daughters - I get along very well with the youngest girl. However, the older one is going to be just like or worse than her mother when she matures. If I had to guess, the oldest child is an introverted covert narcissist and she is a very cold-hearted individual who gives me the creeps. I have known the girls for two years. From day one, the oldest girl has been distant, secretive and entitled. Being the people pleaser that I am, I tried to bend over backward to please someone who can never be pleased. Here's the situation that triggered my flashbacks. Case in point, two nights ago, the temperature fell below freezing. The oldest girl was going to a party and had nothing on but a slip dress and stiletto heels. Her father and I attempted to force her to wear a coat or jacket, but she outright refused. If I had to guess, she did not want anything covering up her beautiful body – or so she thought . I finally gave her my fancy sweater to wear. After coming home, the next day, she proceeds to prance around the house with not much on and obsessively complained that she is cold and demands that the house be warmer, and she wants a heater for her bedroom. Me, like the people pleaser that I am, I gave her my heater. That night both I and my husband were very cold. He didn’t appreciate me giving up our heater and he pointed out the fact that she was willing to go almost butt naked to a party on an extremely cold night but then she came home and b*tch** about the house being cold and she wanted it warmer. That’s the reason he didn’t cater to her demands to increase the temperature. At the dinner table the next day. I joked with the girls that I would clean their rooms for $20 per week. These two girls are so entitled and lazy that their grandmother tries to bribe them to motivate the girls to ‘consider’ keeping their rooms clean and organized. They both said no. I then jokingly told them that they should ask their grandmother for $30 a week. They could keep $10 and I’ll clean their rooms for $20. After long silent consideration, the youngest daughter said she would split the money 50/50 with me. However, the oldest said that she would have me clean her room in addition to me washing her bed sheets and making up her bed. She said I should be thankful if she gives me $5 out of the $30 for my efforts. This is a fine example showing the characters of the two girls. The youngest one endears me to her – the oldest repels me. That night, after getting to sleep, I had a series of dreams. The theme running through the dreams was – my inability to take care of myself. Here’s the dream series: I’m at my childhood home. Its morning, I went into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I wanted to change my habit of not taking care of myself. My mother, in lightning speed, like a wolf spider exiting its den, opened her bedroom door and rushed into the kitchen to attack me for making noise. I had to abandon making breakfast and go to school. During elementary, junior high and high school, I suffered long periods of time starving. My mother was a hateful woman who used every opportunity she could to destroy me. The dream changed and there was another scene. I was a twenty-something woman. After spending a few hours with a man, my intuition told me this man was a heartless uncaring person. I told my father my thoughts in hopes of figuring out everything I had experienced while on the date. My conclusion was I wanted nothing to do with him. But my father talked me out of trusting my intuition and told me to give him a chance. As a result, I spent years being abused by this man because I tried to make it work with him. He turned out to be a psychopath and hurt me so bad, in one regard, I will never recover from. The dream changed again, and I was a teenager. My self-absorbed, sister and hateful mother were very controlling. I had little money, working as a part-time nanny. I decided I wanted to learn to cook. I always wanted to learn how to make cheesecake, so I purchase the ingredients. No sooner than I had placed them on the kitchen table then my mother and sister came running, like two hyenas into the kitchen to see what they could rip off me. They proceeded to chase me away from my ingredients and push me out of the house. They made the cheesecake and ate it themselves. I didn’t even get a crumb. I woke up angry. I told my husband about the dream and then related it to his oldest daughter. Now, I believe he thinks I have mental issues. No…not his daughter, the one who has somatic narcissist traits and treats everyone, including him very, very poorly. I wasn’t going to wait a week or so to get my sweater or my heater back. The oldest girl never gives anything back unless I beg and beg and beg her. Cold as ice, acting put out, she grudgingly gave me my heater and sweater back. I believe my current situation reminds me of my past. I believe my anger is telling me I’m dealing with the oldest girl incorrectly. I believe I need to stop people pleasing and have nothing to do with the oldest girl. I’m in a difficult situation because the father already told me he loves his children more than me. I believe that an informal given that a parent loves their children the most in this world. But he didn’t have to say it. So, I have not interfered with how the girls treat their father. I didn’t remind them to call him nor did I suggest they get him a gift. Case in point, they did not remember to call him for his birthday, nor did they get him a birthday or Christmas present. The oldest and to a certain extent the youngest treat their father like their mother does – he’s just an ATM money machine. God help him. I believe I need a support group while I’m healing so that I don’t talk to my husband about my recovery and to get some support so I don’t fall into any trap his oldest child might set for me. Does anyone have any suggestions? Has anyone gone through what I have gone through or are going through now? Thanks!
  25. Hi all. I've been tapering off escitalopram/lexapro for the last six weeks, gradually reducing the dose every two weeks. I'm down from 20mg to 12.5mg and not going any further for now. the last two weeks I've been feeling a few old symptoms creeping back - vivid dreams, reduced concentration, low energy and unhelpful thought patterns. My doctor's great and has advised me to slow down, which I'm doing. Anyone else been in a similar place? Pep talks and cheer leading is all very welcome!
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