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  1. panic27

    panic27

    Hi, I've recently got a prescription for Lexapro to counter panic attacks, ADD, and mild depression. I am supposed to take 5mg the first four days, then increase to 10mg. Now I've been using it for only two days, and I feel absolutely horrible. Reading all the negative experiences, side effects and withdrawal symptoms on the web, I'm convinced this poison won't help me at all in the long run. Can I stop taking this drug immediately, or do I even have to taper off after only two days on 5mg?
  2. Hi, I found this website from someone's post who seemed to be going through the same as what I am. Sorry if this is long but I'm not sure which info is necessary! I was taking Citolapram for alittle over 2 years, mostly 20mg but I upped to 30mg near the end. I weened off them within a week but after almost a month I went back of them (20mg). I only stayed on them for a week and then came off them cold turkey. About 7 or more weeks since, I randomly woke up one day with PGAD. It's a horrible, progressive, non-curable disorder that makes your genitals feel constantly aroused, sometimes stabbing, burning, feeling the need to pee, zap feelings and a lot of throbbing. I've had this for a month now and feels worse these past 2 days (coincidentally I was pescribed Amitriptyline 10mg but after 2 days of taking them I decided I don't want to go back to ADs - apparently PGAD is mostly caused by withdrawing from ADs) I've had so many breakdowns because of this and there is no way I can live with it, especially because it can cause spontaneous orgasms and a lot of pain which I haven't got yet. I'm so scared and my doctors have no idea about the disorder and just try to convince me it's in my head which despite my obvious symptoms and causes I'm hoping it is. My history of OCD could explain it too. Before taking ADs I had a fear of farting in public which as stupid as it sounds, kept me house-bound for years. It went away after I took ADs and started college. Then a year later I had a bad sickness bug which led me to a fear of throwing up, with that I felt sick literally every single day and not always just mildly. I had tests but nothing explained it. Then I started hearing alot about PGAD just before mine started, once mine started my sickness has completely gone (so all this time it must have been in my head which is crazy because I almost threw up it was so bad). And now I'm getting all these symptoms of PGAD constantly. But I'm still not convinced it's all in my head because it is a fact that withdrawing from ADs too fast can cause it, plus I think I have some damage in my pelvice since I went on an exercise bike during my 2nd withdrawals. This gave me what I thought was piles in my perineum which went away after a week and then came back with my PGAD. I have a huge skin tag in my perineum which fills and becomes solid if I'm too active and I start getting a pain around it (in my legs/butt cheeks). I'm thinking I've damaged my pelvic floor and that these things could be connected? Although the PGAD didn't start straight away? I'm sorry this was so long but I am so so terrified of having this disorder, it is honestly such a horrible, embarrassing, painful and hopeless thing to live with and has always been my biggest fear since I learnt about it. I have so many things that could have caused it which makes me think that maybe it isn't just in my head. It's driving me crazy and if anyone has any hope or experience like this I would really love to hear from you. Sorry again for the long post.
  3. Hello all. I have been following on this forum for the last couple of months on and off. I have been on Citalopram for nearly 11 years. I am 25 years old now. Quick history. Always been a bit anxious. Even as a kid. Had severe migraines from age 4 till 10 , then they stopped TOLD i had ADD. Put on ritalin at 7 years old for 2 weeks. ZOMBIE! taken off Ritalin. Love life and family and friends. Quite an emotional, caring individual. FAST FORWARD....Aged 14 felt overly guilty and anxious over child hood life event. Went to doc, said i might have OCD. Put me on 60mg Citalopram. Didn't notice any difference in anything being on med. Aged 19 went cold turkey cause of OCD symptoms tried to change to another drug Mirtazapine. ANXIETY 10/10 and Panic attacks. Then back on to 60 MG after a few days after symptoms of withdrawal began. Stabilized i think within a few weeks bit still felt crap for a good while. Not 100% for next few years but ok. Can feel drug messing with me. Making me anxious for no reason. Have to keep active and busy and I'm ok. Slowly over 2 years went from 60mg to 45 mg . All good. Decide due to weird randomized anxiety, lack of tears etc that i want to come off these drugs, and i know i can. Anyway i then go from 45mg to 40mg and severe withdrawal within a week. Dropped from 50mg to 45mg within 5 weeks. Insanely nasty neuro-emotional symptoms. Only symptoms are ever really Anxiety and Panic.. Chuck in a bit of hopelessness and some depression on the side.. . . . Tend to feel better by evening almost normal .. just a bit dazed and confused. Anyway i waited it out thinking it will go. Got some nice long windows of a week or more feeling almost good way clearer than I've felt in years, more alive, more real. Things feel better! things are more beautiful. Music sounds better. Everything is more beautiful But then BOOOOOMMMM!!! Anxiety back with a vengeance. Thought i noticed waves getting shorter and windows a bit longer but not significant enough to tell, and then after 10-11 weeks after my symptoms first appeared i updosed cause i needed a break. Updose felt WEIRD.. Within 4 hours of the extra 5mg i felt hazy, cloudy and drowsy.. Had insomnia that first night , still anxious but not as intense. Next couple days slightly better - Mild, consistent anxiety but not too bad. Manage to sleep well now.. Thought i had restabilized. Day 5 after updosing felt 95% back to normal. BUT last 3 days have been crap. Anxiety back. One week after updosing. Not AS INTENSE, hasn't got that razor sharp edge to it that it had before, but uncomfortable none the less. My question to anyone out there with this kind of experience is ... Would this anxiety be caused by the withdrawal still, or the updosing of the tablets? As I've read that increasing SSRI dose can cause anxiety for the first few weeks.. And can it take a while to re-stabilize after updosing?? considering i tried to tough out the withdrawal for nearly 3 months... One more thing. No overly negative stories please. I believe and i know that i can heal from this. Kindest regards and thankyou for your responses Nick
  4. Briefly: I'm tapering Lexapro (using liquid) and got down to 2.5 mg. Because I need to do a prolonged hold, and have trouble sticking to holds because it's so tempting with the liquid to drop that dose just a little bit more, I asked my doctor to prescribe 2.5 mg tablets instead. She did, and I started taking the tablets ten days ago. This morning I looked at the bottle and saw for the first time that the pharmacy had dispensed 5 mg tablets instead, with instructions on the bottle to take 1/2 tablet per day. So I've been taking a double dose for the past ten days. And I'm freaking out because it's taken me all of 2014 to get from 5 mg down to 2.5. Have I just lost an entire year of tapering? What do I do now? Have I been taking the double dose too long to just drop back down to 2.5? I'm really freaking out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Sparrow edited to correct year.
  5. Kostas

    ☼ Kostas

    Hi, I am Kostas from Athens Greece, and I would like to post my story. After suffering a burn out in my demanded post at work, not been able to eat, sleep, exhausted and non functional, was prescribed 20 mg citalopram. Started 10 mg for 1 week, and then 20. Side effects few and tolerable for 3 weeks, and then dramatic improvement and completely functional in week 8. Got them for 9 months, June 1994-march 1995. Then 10 mg for a month 5 for 2 months and off. Start relapsing after 2 months, and reinstated August 1995. 10 mg 1 week and then 20, August 95- August 96 Then tapering 6 months and off Feb 97. Very well till October 99, then relapse and reinstated 20 mg January 2000. On the drug Jan 00- September 01, Tapering 6 months, and off from March 02. Another relapse on October 03,and another reinstatement 20 mg, from October 03- October 05 Then, very slow tapering for 7 years October 05- October 12. 10mg 2006, 5 2007,2.5 2008, 2 2009, 1 2010, 0.5 2011, 0.25 2012. Off the drug from Oct 2012 till today. WD symptoms although not thought so back then, Nov 2012 slight tinnitus, till today June 2013, frequent urination and nocturia, much improved now. 2014 muscle tightness, and tired. Not too bad, but deterioration during stress. This continues on and off till today but have adjusted. June 2015 palpitations and arythmia for one month, and gone by then. October 2016,pain in the legs and shawder for a 2 months. April 2017, slight insomnia, agitation, tiredness, pain in the muscles and weak legs, agrivaded all symptoms under stress. Waves and windows till beginning of August, and improving now. Decided to try not to reinstate, since I am relatively functional 70%, but not happy with the situation! Any advice welcome!
  6. Hi all, I would like to introduce myself to the community. I am Enrico from Italy. You will forgive me for my english as I am not a mother tongue. A week ago I've read an article (link is here for the sack of clatiy: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4197460/Could-antidepressants-damage-brain.html), so I decided that now it's time to try to get off of this ****. My story will look like similat to many others in this community, but I will sum up as a good introduction: - in 2009 I had my first panic attack. Before of this I visited practically all medical specialists to undertsand what was going on (heart specialists, urologists, gastroenterologist, etc.). I was healthy, not wrong with my body, but anxiety was growing up and one day suddenly a bomb: a panic attack. I fall down into depression for several months. I abandoned my studies... I felt like my life was going to be ruined for ever. I decided to go to psychiatric specialist since I was avoiding him with difficulties to admit I had mental problems. I prescribed me Celexa (Citalopram) till 80 mg die. I came back to my studies. I got a degree in economics cum laude. I was fine, but somehow I recognized my brain was no so brilliant an lucid as before. - in 2011 I got my first job. I was happy so I decided to quit Celexa. I lasted one year, I was fine. My delayed eiaculation disappeared, but I dind't recognize that my cognitive problems were there. i didn't really handle with them because of Celexa. In 2012, winter, I fall to another depression period. I started to take celexa again. - From 2012 to 2015 I took 80 mg of Celexa each day. I was fine. I changed job, my career was growing up both with my salary. Now I had enough money to start a cognitive behavhiour therapy. - 2016. Therapy taugh me a lot. How to manage and recognize my feelings. I was enough strong now to start my tapering process. - from 2016 to yesterday I dropped off Celexa from 80 mg to 32 mg. Anxiety started to grow up, bu I made many changes in my life so I was finally able to manage it. Unfortunately delayed eiaculation problems persisted. - Today. I dropped off to 20 mg. I subscribed myself to this community. I will continue CBT therapies and I will look for a psychiatric to taper celexa from 20 mg to 0. Ony my fears are I damaged my brain forever and I will never heal it. E.
  7. I joined this forum last June before I began an unsuccessful taper from Celexa, however, this is my first post. I honestly had no idea until then how horrific untethering from these substances is, and how devastating it can be long term. What I really need is some good news. Is there any good news in the midst of this real-life horror story? Right now I feel completely alone. I haven't found a medical practitioner to forge a partnership for helping me discontinue successfully--or even reach the psych NP who prescribed my meds for a change when things went really wrong. So, there is no "discussing anything with a trusted healthcare practitioner". All I have is you all. So, I'm sort of pleading with you for guidance. I am still not sleeping well. I slept fine, for years on Celexa, then weaned off and threw everything out of balance. To be fair, the year prior to my discontinuation was incredibly stressful. I abruptly ended Trintellix this week (because I ran out and can't get anymore) and am taking approximately 10mg of Prozac (approximately because I'm splitting 20mg of powder roughly in half) as of today. The Prozac instantly quelled my WD symptoms from the Trintellix within the hour, and my plan is to either formulate a liquid suspension of this drug or find a doctor who will prescribe one. I have exhaustively researched how to overcome this problem. I'm an athlete, so I've stacked as many cards in my favor with diet, lifestyle and nutrition as well as I possibly can. But I can't seem to find a way through this, or make a plan that makes sense, and I'm scared I'll never be okay.
  8. Hi all, I have been struggling off and on over the last 14 years with what I thought was anxiety the whole time, but am now realizing it was more likely withdrawal from stopping antidepressants too quickly. The first SSRI I was put on was Paxil. I tapered off after 7 months because I never really liked the idea of being on an antidepressant. I started having anxiety a few months later and was switched to 50 mg of Zoloft. I tried multiple times over the next 13 or so years to stop Zoloft, but the anxiety always returned, so back on I would go. In the fall of 2015 I had a return of anxiety after reducing the Zoloft to 25mg and tried to go back to 50, but it wasn't helping, so ended up going to 150mg before I felt relief. I again tried tapering last summer and got down to 25mg and experienced increased anxiety as well as insomnia. My doctor switched me to Lexapro last October, but it only made me more anxious, so after 10 weeks he switched me to Paxil. I got up to 20mg of Paxil for 3 weeks and wasn't feeling any better, so finally decided I had enough and wanted off the antidepressants. I started tapering at the end of January down to 15mg for 2 weeks, then 10 for 2 weeks, then to 7.5, and after about a week and a half at 7.5 started feeling really anxious again. I found this site and decided to go back up to 10mg of Paxil and stabilized for about 2 weeks and then started tapering 10%. Was doing pretty well for a couple of weeks at 9mg and then started feeling a little anxiety creep in. I talked to my doctor about switching to Prozac to make the tapering hopefully easier, so a week ago this Friday I started taking 4.5 mg each of Paxil and Prozac. I have experienced some ups and downs with anxiety since then, and am having a particularly difficult time right now. Feeling quite anxious and can't sleep. I took .5mg lorazepam tablet and am feeling a bit better, but not sure what to do now. I was going to switch to just 9mg of the Prozac and eliminate the Paxil tomorrow, but not sure if I should continue with the half and half mixture I have been doing or maybe even just go back to the Paxil alone? This just sucks so bad. I know I have probably screwed up my system so much with all of these changes and can only pray the damage is reversible. I was feeling pretty good earlier today, but then started feeling terrible as the evening went on. Haven't felt this bad in a while. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
  9. Hi everyone, Brand new here. I recently tapered myself off Celexa 40 over the course of a month, with the goal of starting Wellbutrin. I realize now that I found this forum that I probably did this too fast (Went from 40 to 20 for 2 weeks with no ill effects, then 20-10 for 2 weeks, then 10mgs with 150mg of the Wellbutrin for a week until I stopped the Celexa completely last Friday. Withdrawal has been...weird, I'm shaky and foggy and sleep is terrible. Has anyone else switched from Celexa to Wellbutrin? I've been on an SSRI for so long, the weight gain is a huge factor to why I'm switching. Any input is welcome! Thank you!
  10. Hi guys, Here is a little about me: I’ve been on antidepressants most my life. I didn’t have a good childhood and I thought these pills were the godsend answers we all wanted. I thought antidepressants were equivalent to insulin to diabetics. I honestly felt the worst on my concoction of pills. I was on something like 600mg of Seroquel XR, Valium, and something else to “help” the Seroquel. I felt more suicidal. I was put into a psych hospital for a week and I met a doctor who told me that my problem is hypothyroidism. He said so many doctors will overlook this one and go straight to psych meds. I got my blood checked and it showed I had low T3 and T4 cells. Pretty much that I do have hypothyroidism. I wanted to thank him the next day, but I found out he was “let go”. I had to do mandatory therapy (well they said it was mandatory, I don’t know if that was a lie) and DBT and CPT was great. I really enjoyed it. Well after I graduated, my therapist said I was cleared of everything. I still followed up with my psychiatrist for meds. She was gone on maternity leave and a younger male psychiatrist filled in for her. Before she left, we were tapering my meds. Now I didn’t know antidepressants caused withdrawals. I thought it would be like birth control where if I stopped, things would adjust back to my normal self. Well I reduced Celexa from 60mg to 50mg, reduces Lamictal, got rid of Abilify and Prazosin. I got super sick around 4 days but I didn’t have a fever. I also felt much more strange. Everywhere in my body hurt from each hair follicle to a single cell. It was the strangest pain and honestly I was ready to die. I couldn’t think of what would get me sick. My husband and I ate the same food and nothing changed except my medication reduction. Could that be it? One google search and wow. What is this “SSRI withdrawal”? There was so much about the world of antidepressants. From money to politics to health to bribery to black mail to media, antidepressants are a huge commodity. I saw both the pros and cons, the light and the dark. I was angry. I was angry at myself, the (American) medical system, and having withdrawals while finding this out sucked. Sucked super bad. I didn’t know the chemical imbalance was marketing plan. I totally fell for it. Never in my life once have I ever gotten a test done to show what my imbalances are. If a test even exists. I went back for a follow up at the mental health clinic I was assigned to after the week hospital stay and saw the fill-in while my main psychiatrist was away on maternity leave. I asked him, “how come no doctor ever in my life, ever told me about the pros and cons of antidepressants? Why did they just feed it to me?” And he replied, “each doctor has their own ethics.” And I said, “so I’m going to be possibly stuck feeling sick from withdrawals the rest of my life?” And he replied, “You’re going to be stuck with depression for the rest of your life.” He said it in a tone where he was getting angry. He then commented how I’m probably going to need medication for the rest of my life. At this moment, I knew things were bad. I got myself into a huge mess. And no doctor was on my side. Thats when I started to google everything. I even came across this site and some others too. A lot actually. I started to taper on my own following guides. As a matter of fact, I hate to say this because pharmaceuticals is a touchy subject, but I have gotten better and throuough advice from people online rather than my local health professionals. People online have given me better advice than licensed doctors....I’ve single handily experienced incompetent doctors and now I feel ‘trained’ that I just cannot trust American doctors with my mental health anymore. I’m afraid anything I say they will use against me. That my withdrawals are my symptoms coming back or my withdrawals are helping “new” underlying mental problems appear. I remember when I was 19 or 20, a psychiatrist was diagnosing me and finding pills using some app on an iPad. No blood test or brain scan. No science. Not even using the DSM. Just a free iPad app anyone can download. Let me wrap this up. I honestly abused antidepressants for 5 years. I would stub my toe, get mad, make an appointment, get a new drug or increase dose or both. I literally thought antidepressants were magic. I felt the worst in those 5 years. I was so cloudy, depressed, a huge mess. I thought this was normal and it’s the “depression” as my doctors would call it. After the fiasco of finding out about withdrawals, I was more than ready to stop. I tapered too fast. Celexa was the most difficult. I started tapering Celexa in April 2017 and stopped my final dose on Dec 2017. Celexa has given me the worst withdrawals. I lost my job due to constantly feeling ill and hallucinating/dreaming. I can’t do basic functions such as math so finding a retail job isn’t doable right now. My speech isn’t the same and I have a more difficult time with vocabulary. My stomach will cramp and I will get nauseous. When I do, I hallucinate like I am having a psychedelic trip on a substance. I recently found out that me “dreaming” while I’m awake is called derealization. I gave myself an injury because I felt like i was floating and dreaming, which ended up costing me a trip to the ER. I had the “lol so what? ;p” mentality. Now I have permanent ugly scars that remind me of this everyday. I deal with mental struggles because I had a bad childhood. That’s a given and that’s life. But I felt that was an excuse to give me all these labels and load me up on pills. And an excuse on my part. I do believe my health now is me “reaping what I sowed” because I did go to the doctors like it was a candy store. Both doctors and myself are to blame. I was ignorant and naive and I followed the crowd and I am literally reaping what I sowed. Pharmaceuticals is a touchy subject and I just want to be good terms. I’ve been called out saying that I’m ignorant for labeling antidepressants as crap as it has helped some people. A gal I grew up with is becoming a nurse and asked people’s opinion on Big Pharma, mainly opiates. As a matter of fact, she didn’t know antidepressants were part of “Big Pharma”. So I left a comment (Facebook) about how she should look into antidepressants as well. Another girl I grew up with whom is also becoming a nurse told me it’s ignorant and wrong of me to say that as it helps her with her chemical imbalance. She then proceeded to say and that you can find depression with brainscans and what not. And then linked a bunch of articles. I decided not to argue becaue she’s learning to become a nurse. I feel that’s like me joining the NRA and my husband trying to tell me guns are bad. In other words, I was walking into a lost battle. With that, I was asked to write an introduction. I know antidepressants are touchy so I won’t argue with anyone whether they’re good or bad. Like DBT and CPT taught me, to each their own. I don’t mean to offend anyone with this as this is my personal story. Currently, I am on the road to recovery. Some days are okay and some days are not. Thank you for taking your time to read this.
  11. Hi all Last June I stopped 20mg of Citalopram that I had been taking on and off for 8 years. My doctor advised me to taper over 2 weeks! Months 0-3 were bad but not too bad. 3-6 were bad, some very severe waves and really bad OCD, which Ive never normally had. 7-9 waves started decreasing. 9-11 windows have been more clearer but still getting bad waves My windows seem to be getting progressively better. I keep thinking I'm back to my normal self and then get hit with a wave and come back feeling more normal. Recently Ive been getting more intrusive thoughts. My nervous system and physical symptoms seem to have got worse recently. I had some MSG on friday which messed me up. Im still getting physical sweats now. This wave has been the most severe Ive had for a long time. Has anyone noticed their nervous system get worse? Thanks
  12. Hello. I am twenty years old and had been on antidepressants since I was ten. From then on through my teenage years, all I knew was I needed to take my medicine . Once I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, my pediatrician referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist then put me on respiradone and strattera. I don't remember if I had any behavior problems or not, but my neurologist told me I would have to be on medicine for the rest of my life. I stayed on those two meds until I got into high school. My first two years of high school, I couldn't stop crying. I cried day and night. My neurologist put me on celexa. When that didn't work, my neurologist told me he could no longer help me and referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw the new psychiatrist my junior year of high school who told me I had depression and anxiety that needed to be treated. I was taken off respiradone and strattera and put on pristiq and adderall. When pristiq wouldn't work, I was switched back to celexa. So it went on, switching back and forth between antidepressants. There were so many different ones I can't remember many of them. Every time I asked my psychiatrist if the next time it would work, he assured me it would. There was no chance to talk when I saw my psychiatrist. It would result in a new prescription every time. During my senior year, I helplessly slept through every class, sometimes falling out on the floor asleep. I had a good school counselor who allowed me to pass because she knew it was the medicine and I got plenty of sleep. I also cried uncontrollably almost every day in front of everyone and it was very humiliating as I would stir up a lot of attention. My senior pictures of me showed a person with a puffed up and swollen face. I was switched to lexapro again and stayed on it my whole first year of college. Then the crying returned. During my second year, I was switched to Abilify for depression. I still trusted my psychiatrist as he again promised me it would work. Out of all my experiences with antidepressants, there is nothing that could ever have compared to this. As soon as I took the first dose of Abilify, my brain signaled to me something was very, very wrong. I began receiving no sleep. My psychiatrist put me on trazadone for that, but when I took it, my body fell completely limp, my heartbeat slowed down to almost nothing, and I went numb while my body shut itself down. I stopped it after two nights. Meanwhile, with abilify, I began spending all my time obsessing over things I would normally never touch. I believed I was an alien hybrid sent from outer space to save the planet. I also believed the human race are all aliens in disguise. Then I started going mad. I didn't want to be a human anymore. I wanted to be a supernatural creature with otherworldly capabilities. This was all extremely terrifying to me, but I couldn't stop myself. I lost my common sense as I believed these nonsensical theories. My mind was overpowering me with racing thoughts such as these listed. I couldn't think clearly. I was almost always in a state of rage. Reasoning had left me. For reasons I do not remember, I stopped Abilify by myself cold turkey. My psychiatrist had told me before that I never needed to worry about tapering because the antidepressants I took were all in the same family. He never mentioned stopping completely. Withdrawal symptoms didn't show up until a week later. My psychiatrist told me they would last 15 days. They were relatively minor, and I didn't worry much about them. However, nothing could have ever prepared me for the horror I underwent next. Every horror I could have never imagined bestowed me over the course of a month. I received no sleep. I was very lucky if I got one hour. The nights soon got from bad to worse. I developed REM sleep disorder. I was unable to tell the difference between being awake and asleep. As my mind was drifting, I jumped up in the air, screamed, swung at the air, and thrashed violently all over. In addition, my head would suddenly snap up and I would shout melancholy indistinguishable language and suck in sharp breaths. I was aware of everything, but I had no control over it, and it was very disturbing to me. Then came the uncontrollable muscle movements. My lips drew up on the sides, my mouth gaped open, my lips puckered and pouted, my teeth bared, my tongue stuck out, my neck extended, my eyes bulged, my eyebrows rose and lowered, my hands flapped, my arms swung, my knees jerked, my head jerked side to side, and my fingers extended. Shouts, grunts, moans, and gasps escaped my mouth. Several weeks went by as more horrendous symptoms appeared. Every day I was a zombie. I could only do basic human activities. I had no awareness of the passage of time. At night while drifting off, a dark shadowy presence swept over me. I was aware of where I was in real time while drifting, but I sensed a sudden danger. I jumped up alert every time. I heard a voice I believed to be God's telling me why I was like this and what I needed to do. It spoke to me relentlessly for days. When this occurred, an otherworldly and overwhelming sense of peace filled my every being. But it was always soon replaced by a terror so surreal I could not function. During this time, I could "see" my brain and I believed I was in control of what I allowed to be let in. After four days of this, I ordered the voice to "Get out!" It did and did not come back. Right after this, a veil suddenly covered my mind and I was disengaged from reality. I had no sense of where I was and I had no connection with my parents. I was always mad, crying most of the time, and my head was always jerking. I saw my psychiatrist for the last time two months ago. The doctor who had been nice to me all this time suddenly turned mean. He told me he refused to see me unless I got on medicine. By this time, I had found this site and many other websites about withdrawal. I knew I wanted to try living a better life and I was not backing down. I never took the newly prescribed anti psychotic he prescribed me. A week later, my parents, exasperated with how I was doing and on their last straw, called my psychiatrist. My dad told the psychiatrist I had read on the internet how long the withdrawal really is and the doctor spoke with me on the phone. My psychiatrist told me that the withdrawal symptoms I was describing were "all in my head" because the medicine would already be out of my system now six weeks later. He told me I needed to get on medicine right now because "I needed help". He told me my quality of life was not as good without the medicine. I was in another rage episode by this time, and unlike me, I confronted him. I said "Well why are a lot of these the same symptoms I experienced during the so-called withdrawal time?" He said he didn't know and preceded to ask me was I on drugs. I was in disbelief that anyone would ask such a thing. I have not spoken to that psychiatrist since. I am dealing currently with a lot of physical and mental symptoms but none I would describe as severe as that horrible nightmare of a month. (That month just happened to be timed perfectly with my Christmas break.) My mouth, head, and fingers jerk, but never as exaggerated as they were the first month. I dealt with extremely numb fingers, feet, and ankles up until two weeks ago. My ankles at times felt like they were hanging by a single nail. My feet, bluish-green, were so numb and swollen I had no feeling and shooting pains shot up my legs. I was extremely dizzy for so long. My gp told me I have low blood pressure. I started having panic attacks. Anxiety crept over me for no apparent reason. I cried a lot. I felt hopeless. I am dealing with apathy, anhedonia, akathisia, and cognitive problems. My memory has not been well during this whole time. I am not aware; I'm just wherever I am. I have lost perception of sight, hearing, and touch. I do things I'm supposed to do because I know that's what I've always done. I cannot connect feelings to memories; I have to rely on pictures and journals from over the years. I had to look back in my journal to refresh my memory of this whole experience which I happened to write down. I have been disconnected with myself...it was worse in the beginning. I would look at pictures of myself and couldn't connect that it was me. The whole first month of withdrawal my face was so puffed up I thought my skin would fall off. Sometimes things look bigger or smaller than they appear. My thinking ability is limited. I went to my gp again three weeks ago and I was low on vitamin D. I am currently on iron medicine, vitamin d supplements, allergy medicine, and multivitamins. Although the numbness has gone away, I am extremely faint and have weak tremors every day. At night I'm miserably exhausted. My heart is always beating fast and hard. I get chills and my body tenses up. I'm not sure if I should be concerned about any of this. I cold-turkeyed Abilify four months ago. I have managed to keep my grades up in college since then and so far have maintained a perfect attendance. Some days are harder than others, but I try to count my blessings as I've heard stories far worse than my own. I am only beginning to understand what I am dealing with. The last thing I would want is to ever take another antidepressant and hinder this process. I feel like I have a real sense of myself now and I feel more in control. I have no idea how long this will last or if it will ever go away but I try to maintain a positive attitude about it as things slowly get better. I have faced the fact that I can't change my past but I can certainly shape my future. I apologize for the long story. It is difficult to get my thoughts together.
  13. Hi all, After 18 years (yes, 18 years!) and about three unsuccessful attempts, I'm finally Celexa free! It took me about six months to wean off but I did it. The real struggle started after I was completely off of it. Now I have good days and bad days. Some days I have minor anxiety that passes in time, and other days, like today I'm an anxious mess in a low mood. It's a horrible feeling. I'm just wondering if this is my brain re-adjusting to being drug free or a return of my anxiety and depression. It's very hard to tell and disappointing. I thought the hardest part of weaning off was behind me but apparently it's just beginning. I do not want to go back on any meds. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance- Will
  14. Hello I am new to this forum. I have a particular situation where I had cut down a long time ago from 10 mg of Celexa to 5 mg and was able to stay in that doe for a long time. However when I tried to discontinue...i had severe withdrawal symptoms. I went back to five and stayed on 5 for over a year. I had eye surgery due to glaucoma and I believe that the cortisone drops have created a cortisol dysfunction situation. It seems that when I have stress I begin to have withdrawal symptoms and increasing to 10 mg of Celexa works to ease the symptoms. I will like to eventually get off but now I feel stuck with the cortisol situation. I am taaking a leave from work soon to see if lower stress help with my situation. I believe that I am reacting to relatievely minor situations as if they were threatening. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
  15. I had been taking Celexa for depression for 20 years. I tried to quit taking it 2 times before. I am on my 3rd try. After talking to doctors I tapered for 6 weeks from 20 then 10 milligrams and then stopped. Last time I tried I tapered for 6 months. Thought I would try shorter time this time. I know now from joining this group that was a mistake. Boy do I know it. Uhh...I have been off for 3 months. Symptoms are anxious, feeling dread, nervous, hard to fall asleep, foggy brain , feel flat. I am functional in my job but I feel like an actress. Get teary eyed easily. Anyway. The posting in this group have helped me so much. I have not told too many people in my life because it is hard for them to understand. I have had my husband read a few postings so he can see what I am going through. I have been asked over the years by doctors how I feel taking Celexa and I said goodsoooo never thought of stopping for a long time. Did not know the drugs were not made to take your whole life. I am pushing myself to eat cleaner, not drinking alcohol right now and walking and riding my bike for exercise. I have to believe I will feel better but I question daily if I really will. Thanks to all who share their journey.
  16. Gunner1

    Gunner1 9 months and still suffering

    Gunner1 Everyday wake up to feeling of constant dread and anxiety. 9 months off Celexa. Was on it for 18 years. My body feels strange. Week and little energy. I have to be busy with something. I eat healthy food most of the time. I force myself in the morning as I have no appetite. I am managing my day to day life but making mistakes. I did not taper long. I did what the doctor recommended. 3 weeks on my last step down 10 mls. I feel like I won't ever feel good. Everything seems hard. New problems make me more anxious but I do figure things out. I have been following advice on exercising and eating right. I usually can get 6 hours of sleep each night but wake up at 4 am and then I cannot go back to sleep. I am so discouraged.
  17. Spring 2014: Effexor ? mg for 2 months then cold turkey (didnt know better at the time). Originally put on this for depression after a break up. Fall 2014: Dizziness, extreme memory issues, pins and needles in hands and feet. Occasional adderall use. Working 2 jobs to pay for engineering school. Health anxiety started when doctors couldn't find cause of symptoms. Tried samE, 5htp. Winter 2014-2015: tried molly with a friend. Ended up in the ER. Months that passed included many ER visits and eventually klonopin (? mg) Spring 2015: after researching benzo dangers wanted off. Tried to taper. Horrid withdrawal. Switched to diazepam 6mg. Dog/best friend died of cancer. Started celexa 10 mg. Rest of 2015: Moved back in with mom, slowly tapered diazepam, stopped daily on new years 2016. Winter-Spring 2016: back in school. Stopped celexa 10mg in January. Pins and needles and depression in February. Started on wellbutrin 150mg. Increased anxiety but allowed me to finish school. Graduated. Stopped wellbutrin after graduation. Summer 2016: quit job too much stress while going through what I now know to be withdrawal. Drove for ride share service when feeling well enough. Felt like living with chronic fatigue syndrome. No doctors could find cause. Fall 2016: started back on celexa 15mg after rock bottom depression. Eventually wellbutrin added back at 75mg. Moved to a new state. PM panic attacks started after going back on celexa. Started full time engineering job. Winter 2016 - Winter 2018: wellbutrin gradually increased to 300mg. Started celexa taper. 15 down to 10mg. Increase in depression but tolerable. Spring 2019: tapered celexa down to 5mg. Extremely depressed. Affected relationship. Found a psychiatrist who wanted to switch me to zoloft. Relationship break up the week of starting zoloft. Zoloft lifted depression at first. Summer 2019: got back together with boyfriend. zoloft increased to 50 then 75 then 100. Horrible reaction to 100mg. Worst anxiety of my life. Stopped cold turkey. Back on 2.5mg celexa. Dr Then tried liquid zoloft increase from 0 by 1mg every few days to cross taper with celexa. Able to stop wellbutrin easily. Also had tooth extraction during all of this (infected root canal). Fall 2019: up to 8mg zoloft 1mg celexa. Horrible anxiety. Stopped zoloft cold turkey after getting suicidal thoughts from severe anxiety. Current: trying to find a celexa dose to stabilize on. Trying 2.5 mg. Anxiety and fatigue battles daily. going to write more soon. Just wanted a quick recap to start.
  18. Hello and welcome to my hell. Lexapro 2 years along with heavy marijuana use, CT ... Fine for 5 months then all hell broke loose. April 2019 Took 1 10mg lexapro and woke up vomiting and diahrea. Cut back to 5mg for 2 days but couldnt move and also had the flu. Dr. Says try again when flu gets better. May 2019 took 2.5mg lexapro and awoke two hrs later7 in sheer panic and full blown akathesia. No good. Ended up in mental hospital and put on 10 mg celexa. After 5 days thrown back into full blown akathesia. No good so stopped and got worse. Second hospital stay now on lithium and zyprexa which lasted less than a week. 3 weeks later back in another mental hospital. Third time not the charm .. Put on Zoloft 25 and 3 days later up to 50. Did okay for 4 weeks then got really ill, could not get out of bed. Tapered off over 2 weeks. That was 3 weeks ago from today (Sept 1 2019). Felt pretty good first week, slowly declining 2nd week and now I am in a lot of body pain, sweats, tingles, head pressure, si, inner restlessness, trouble sleeping, crying spells, anger, and at times just ok. Supplements are Lions Mane, l theanine, B vits, methyl b12 and folinic acid since I am a mthfr! Vit D. Omega's and mag.
  19. My stats: Male Age 19 Green eyes Good body 6ft tall Tall handsome looking for love, passion. Well endowed. Basically I've got a giant...whoopsss, wrong forum! Forgive me! Shame because I have got a massive....problem! Hi all! How are my fellow ssri buddies who are/were going toe to toe with these drugs? I'm new and here, and am here to talk about my withdrawal, Representing the many of us who have been lied too, deliberately forced, left in denial and lost are own true self to oblivion. For those of us who are pushing on forwards redeeming our full potential becoming the strongest version of our self. Because all of this is just experience really isn't it? We took these medications as a result of how we were feeling, a by-product of the demons we battle with inside us. Life tests us, these walls and road blocks that are put in front of us mould us. They make or break us. It is our choice if we choose to slide backwards or push on through. Anyhow! Enough of the dramatic, pretentious, opening introductory literature rubbish! Of which I am compensating for my tiny brain, But of which I hope some will find enlightening. I am no uneducated peasant Ill have you know my good sir! I do ramble don't I?! haha Anyway, I've had an underlying mood disorder, or mental illness...what ever you want to call it for as long as I can possibly remember. Bad anxity, OCD and deppression, cue violins and sympathetic music! But funnily enough I was convinced I hadn't. Up until last year I was sure that my problems were biological, Or perhaps a tad In denial when I look back! Even with the fact that both my parents and sister are on ssri of one sort or another who lack the emotional capacity of a butter knife and are practically robots... I respectively refuse to became chemically lobotomized and join your robo-cult! Anyways I dropped out of college down to extreme tiredness and lack of ability to think etc.. and turned to alcohol. More wine squire! vida did flowww! Unfortunately like pringles once you pop you cant stop! This didn't help obviously and promised myself that I would find out what was truly wrong with me. I went down the medical route. Unfortunately being a Brit unlike our trans atlantic cousins, with your 'medical insurance' and 'healthcare viewed as a consumer product' ensuring the patients health is treated optimally! Over here Its different. Although the healthcare is national and public for all, it is socialist in nature- I succeeded In avoiding the word communist their. I did this to avoid America breaking ties with our country ending are special relationship forever to associate us with extreme evil! Yes well here its here all about the functionality of the patient and spent over a thousand pounds going private to several doctors getting blood tests all under the sun to try and discover that mystery illness! The last doctor I went to admitted that biologically I was fine, which was ruled out that I had something psychology wrong with me and gave me the ssri citalopram 20mg as casually as that. How dare you! I have nether been more insulted In my entire life I Cried! How dare you give me the stigma of a mental illness! Not even an evaluation! This is immoral! inhuman! unethical! I shall not being subjected to this! I demand I see your doctors degree! Call the guards! Off with his head! Obviously that never happened. I simply got my meds and left. After taking them for 6 weeks with all manner of side effects that I won't go into now I stopped them. ended It. finished it. Because I didn't like who I was becoming... Because I didn't want to have to take a drug to escape reality instead of dealing with it myself! Redemption come within ma brothers! So I stopped cold turkey... Because I couldn't get any more tablets? Because I just didn't want anymore of this poison in my body? Or because I'm becoming a full time bad man? I don't know! haha I've been off for 5 weeks! cue applause! My withdrawl! 1st week vertigo, dizziness, headaches! mood swings! 2nd week, just dizziness and depression 3rd week improvement! 4th improvement! 5th week which Is what I'm In now! I've noticed I'm getting a lot of brain fog? Like It takes me longer to say what I wanted to say? Cognitively impaired and my short term memory is suffering! Very annoying and affecting my work! Any advice would be much appreciated on how to approach this thank you everyone for reading much love to you all and best of wishes! Ps. Big pharma you are a rotten cancer criminal organisation! Your deadly pills ravage the western world like a plague stealing the lives of people! You should all be shot at dawn!
  20. I haven't been able to reduce my Cymbalta dose for two years because of the horrible withdrawal symptoms I have experienced with both attempts (a year apart). I spent three years dropping from 60 to 30 mg. I have pretty much given up the goal of eliminating Cymbalta - afraid to cause more damage by tapering the than that caused by continuing to take 30mg. I am unwilling to risk further trauma and drama, so I haven't tried the crossover either. Prozac was too "activating" for me in 1989. I don't think it's likely to be a solution in 2012. I still have restlessness, sweats, problems with balance, an incredibly trigger-happy startle reflex and frequent headaches. After feeling progressively less brain fog during my three year taper, my cognitive processes are really abysmal at this point. I can't keep track of simple stuff, can't handle financial transactions, have problems with noise, light, just stimulus in general. And I haven't changed doses in two years. I wonder, do SNRIs poop-out the way the SSRIs tend to?
  21. Hi there, I'm a 29 year old male from the UK and I'm really glad to have found this site. I've been taking 40mg citalopram for 8 years (since i was 21) for depression since my early teenage years (14 years old). I've considered reducing my dosage for a long time with the goal of coming off and finally took the plunge and yesterday saw a doctor about it. His advice didn't seem particularly good and I've spent the past 16 or so hours reading as much as possible on tapering off citalopram which has led me to this site. Reading about it makes me feel incredibly nervous but I feel like I'm ready as I haven't experienced depression in a long time and am in a good place in my life. My biggest worry about tapering off the citalopram is not so much the withdrawal effects as I'm coming off - but getting it wrong and having persisting/returning depressive symptoms after tapering off and finding the past 8 years of recovery going up in smoke. I'm determined to do this right. I accept the possibility that maybe I'll need to remain on a maintenance dose for the rest of my life, but if that is the case I don't want it to be because I screwed up the tapering process. I was optimistic in seeing the doctor that I'd get the support I need to make the right decisions and do this the right way, but my meeting with him didn't go well. Despite my high dose and fairly long term use he suggested dropping to 30mg for a week, then 20mg for a week, then 10mg for a week and then stopping altogether, 40mg - 0 in one month. Based on everything I've read this sounds like a recipe for disaster. I said this sounded very fast and he told me another option was to drop 10mg at a time and stay at the new dose for a few weeks to see how I get on - so now I have a repeat prescription for 30mg which I started yesterday. Based on what I'm reading it sounds like I should take this dosage for at least 2 months. If the drop to 30mg goes well after 2 months or so I may try and see a different doctor who will hopefully be more helpful. I was told I can only drop down in 10mg increments and 10mg is the lowest available dose, but now I'm reading about people cutting their 10mg in half and I was very interested to read about the liquid solution. I'm not sure if these are available in the UK but if I see another doctor I will enquire, though I'm more interested in that for the drop from 20mg to 10mg to 0 which sounds like where it gets tricky. I'm just starting to read all the different information on this site and will spend some time today going through as much as I can but was wondering if the drop from 40mg to 30mg is too much to start? I was hoping that this drop off wouldn't be too bad to start with and once I'm stable on 30mg I can speak to a different doctor about a slower taper rather than dropping from 30-20mg in one go. I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place since doctors seem to absolutely hate any sort of 'self-medication' or people doing things their own way, yet this way seems significantly safer and healthier for both my short and long term health than what's been suggested to me and the limitations that the NHS allegedly puts on the tapering process (no doses smaller than 10mg etc). It's also complicated by the fact that I rely on the NHS and doctors to prescribe me any drugs at all. I look forward to hearing any advice and thank you in advance. QUAD
  22. Alexi319

    Alexi319

    Hello! Glad this resource exists. I am a 29 y/o female. I have a stable job I’ve held for the last 7 years. Very health conscious. Work hard on self care, mindfulness, meditation, therapy, etc. I have complex trauma, as many people do, that I’m currently working through with my therapist. I was an anxious child. I had intense separation anxiety, panic attacks, stomach aches. I was in talk therapy from the age of 8 to about 13-14. I struggled with paranoia and the fear of people not liking me, talking about me when they really weren’t, etc. I wasn’t put on medication until my freshman year of college. I went to my GP complaining of issues concentrating, brain fog, problems with visually focusing and anxiety. Some depressive episodes as well of feeling very down. Started on Celexa for “imbalanced brain chemistry”. Lol. Stayed on that for about a year, didn’t feel a significant effect. More life events later, was put on lexapro. Had issues with substance abuse and went to treatment for a catatonic depressive episode with suicidal ideation. Was put on Zoloft in treatment. Terrible drug. Lost libido, felt like a zombie, gained weight. 300 mg/gabapentin 3 times per day was added to the mix after a couple of months. Stayed on gabapentin for about 6 months then tapered off - worst withdrawals ever. Then another GP put me on Prozac (10 mg) and Wellbutrin 150mg XR. I have been on that combo for about 1.5 years now. Currently I am experiencing high anxiety, paranoia, fear, irritability and rage in some instances. Surprisingly, no insomnia. I feel like I am constantly preoccupied. It won’t stop. When I asked my GP about getting off of the Prozac, he told me to stop taking it for a couple of days and see how I felt. I’m sorry, that sounds like a TERRIBLE IDEA. I am struggling. I can’t be present for life. I would like to eventually be off both of these drugs, but definitely Prozac first. Thanks for listening. 2011-2012 - 20 mg/Celexa. No tapering. 2013 - 2014 - 20 mg/Lexapro. No tapering. 2016 - 2017 - 20 mg/Zoloft - 2 months. Added 300mg/gabapentin 3x per day in addition to the Zoloft. 2018-tapered off of gabapentin. Then changed to 10 mg/Prozac and 150 mg/Wellbutrin XR. Tapered off of Zoloft. 2019 - still currently taking 10mg/Prozac and 150 mg/Wellbutrin XR.
  23. Hi everyone. I've been browsing this site for a couple of years and thought I'd finally join. I'd love to be able to talk with others about what I'm going through. I'm only 22 but I've pretty much been through every hell imaginable in terms of SSRI use (I started when I was 5--not by choice, obviously). It really frustrates me because I never even chose myself to go on these medications, I had very bad tantrums and anxiety as a small child and a psychiatrist put me on them. As I got older, instead of being told to get therapy and try getting off them, she just kept raising the dosage. By age 12 I was on the maximum dose even though my problems weren't that severe. I remember being in middle school gaining weight, feeling tired CONSTANTLY, just not feeling like a kid at a ll, and at the time no one thought that the medication could be the reason for it. It's so upsetting because I feel as though my entire life up until this point has been taken from me and Ill never experience what it's like to be young and happy. Like I said I never showed depressive symptoms before the medication but as the dose was raised I would occasionally get depression symptoms. When I was 15/16 I was switched to celexa which actually "worked" quite a bit better for me, I lost a lot of weight and felt energetic and motivated, but by the time I was 18 I really wanted off of these drugs that weren't even my choice to go on. However, as I learned the hard way psychiatrists don't have a good understanding of what's required for a successful taper. I was then on 40mg, and she lowered it all the way to 30, and then quickly after that to 20. This all happened right before I went away to university for the first time, so it was just horrible timing. My first month of college I noticed I began to feel severe chest pain. I didn't know what was happening and it was very scary. My entire freshman year I essneitllay spent in severe burning pain all across my chest and upper back. I would be doubled over crying for much of the day because of the pain. I went to see SO many doctors about it but they all said I was perfectly healthy and it must be from anxiety or just 'in my head'. I had to leave college after my first year because of the pain. By this point I was completely off of the celexa because I didn't know what was happening and I thought the pain was being caused solely by the drug itself. But the pain didn't get any better, it got worse. I basically spent the next 3 years (not an exaggeration) bedridden crying in pain. I cannot even describe in words how severe the pain was. And the problem was no one even considered that it was due to withdrawal because every doctor I went to said no, withdrawal wouldn't cause pain like that. So it was just a constant 'search' to figure out why I was having this mysterious pain. Even when I went back on the celexa to see if it would help, it wouldn't get rid of the pain, but I believe that's because (as I later found), the only way to get rid of it is by going on the HIGHEST possible dose because that's the highest dose my body was accustomed to. Finally last year I tried Zoloft out of desperation (I was missing my whole youth...I feel like my situation is a lot different because I spent 18-21 bedridden in pain. I know I could "wait it out" a few more years...but I'm missing my entire youth, a period fo my life I won't get back, and I don't know how much longer my college is going to let me take time off. I should have already graduated by now :(. It's so painful to be in so much pain while other people your age are having the time of your lives.) So even though I hate these medications, I tried Zoloft in a desperate attempt to just be out of pain and be able to move forward with my life. By the time I reached 150mg my pain went away completely (after 4 months on it), but of course I have other side effects on it I do not like like loss of creativity (I want to be a musician, and I love art), not feeling emotions as deeply, and almost feeling like your'e living life in a fog. To be blunt I don't feel "myself" on it. My individual spark is gone. But, I was just so desperate to get rid fo the physical pain. Anyway I made a freaking stupid decision in May to go off of it. At this point me and my doctors still didn't 100% make the connection between the pain and withdrawal, it was just a 'theory'. I thought my pain could have lessened because I had a boyfriend and friends now, was in school, feeling better, was out of pain to the point I was exercising consistently, etc. Well, nope lol. All of my pain returned this month. I'm back to being in bed with pain I'm in a huge dilemma because I know from past experience the pain DOES NOT go away. It's weird because I don't have any mental symptoms from going off the medication. I don't feel any more anxious/depressed/etc. The symptoms are all physical for me. It's just the most severe pain imaginable. I'm sure it's some type of nerve damage because it feels like burning knives stabbing into me..no words can describe the pain. I just want the pain gone as soon as possible, but I know if I go back on the medication I have to say goodbye to who I am as a person and my musical talent. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like I said, I have already missed so much of my life. I don't want to be bedridden from pain anymore 😞 It just hurts so much. And it's not even my fault because I never chose to go on this medication!! I feel like I'm screwed for life, and will never have a full life devoid of both pain and of the medication. What if I just never adjust to being off of it because I started so young? I just hope some people here can offer me advice on how to eliminate it without having pain like this. I just cannot stand the pain... I'm sorry this is so long but like all of you, my story is long! To make it easier if someone is just skimming, withdrawal symptoms include - severe burning / stabbing pain in upper back, chest, shoulders - occasional hip pain and inability to walk because of it - digestive problems (extreme bloating, heartburn) - lightheadedness when standing up at times - basically feel like all my nerves are on fire - chest tightness 24/7
  24. Hard to know where to start here. I’ve been on and off citalopram for about 10 years. Was on 40mg for a few years and was no longer working so I decided to taper off with doctors approval. This was a year ago. A week or so after being completely off of them I started having constant tension headaches and feeling super dizzy and off balance. This lasted 2 months and I went to a neurologist who said it was probably ssri withdrawal related. My doctor said there’s no way you are still having withdrawals after two months but we decided to put me back on them because I didn’t know what else to do. Everything went away. I decided to go off of them again a few months ago and try Something else since they weren’t really working in the first place I only went back on them to not have withdrawals anymore so I started viibryd And about a week after I was completely off citalopram I started having the same symptoms that I had a year ago. Thought that maybe it was the Viibryd so I switched it to Prozac. It’s been probably two months and I literally constantly feel like I’m going to fall over and I’m so dizzy and off-balance. I also have internal tremors and wake up shaking a lot. Nobody seems to really understand what’s going on especially my doctor and I’m so frustrated and want to just go back on it at this point I don’t know what to do
  25. Hey everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself and let you all in on my journey and discontinuation of antidepressants. I am 28 years old and just ended an 11 year relationship with AD's. There was so much shame I felt being on these drugs. I felt like I was this great person because of the pills I was taking and nothing more. I wouldn't dare tell a soul I was taking antidepressants for fear that they would then see the pill and not me. Make sense? I said goodbye to Sertraline in November 2017. After completing yoga teacher training and having this new perspective of myself and my life, I started to actually feel the chemicals that weren't meant to be in my body. I had tried tapering off of Sertraline 3 times prior to the last over the past few years. The previous tries I would make it about a month or two before surrendering back to the pills to make myself feel better if I started feeling sad or uneasy. This time was different. VERY different. This time I started with intense research. I wanted to discontinue the dosage but this time was for real; I would do my homework and get off of these things once and for all. And what I found first broke my heart, made me angry and then gave me hope. The anger is still present when I try to find a reason 'why' people are enslaved to these prescription drugs. The research I found led me to this site, and I continue to research the effects and harms that these medications actually do to people, unbeknownst to them. The cause of our sadness is residual, stagnant energy trapped in our bodies from a traumatic event or life experience that changed our perspective of what is. When we take these medications, we are never actually dealing with the source of our problems, rather than masking it over with a clouded perception of reality. I used to love my prescriptions. Even after I would attempt to quit, that love would return after I felt 'better' taking them again. I was prescribed my first antidepressant when I was 16. I was missing a lot of school because I slept in too late. I just loved my sleep. Eventually, I was sent to the PCP to see what could be done about this sleeping problem.. Well, her answer was Citalopram (Celexa). This was the beginning of a battle I never wanted to be involved with but here I am. And P.S. the sleeping issue was not resolved in any way thereafter. To keep it short, I will just give you a brief history of how my dance with prescription drugs evolved after that: 2006 Celexa (Citalopram) 40 mg & Adderall XR 75 mg (a lot of the times more because I was heavily addicted) 2007 Citalopram & Ritalin (don't remember mg) .. soon after Vyvanse (don't remember mg) and finally to Amphetamine Salts due to unpleasant side effects from the Ritalin & Vyvanse.. ** indicates time period where Amphetamine Salts were prescribed 2008 ** Citalopram 40 mg-> Effexor XR 75 mg after a psychiatric evaluation (which I now understand was due to the medications and the effect they had on me mentally ... psh) 2009** Effexor XR 75 mg - Paxil (Paroxetine) 30 mg due to the INSANELY high cost of Effexor without insurance I was forced to wean myself off and switch 2010** Paxil 30 mg-> Sertraline 50 mg due to weight gain and lethargy 2011-2013 Sertraline 50 mg -> Wellbutrin (Bupropion Hcl) 75 mg due to sexual side effects and wanting to feel alive again 2013-2017 Wellbutrin 75 mg -> Back to Zoloft (Sertraline) 75 mg because the anxious side effects of the Wellbutrin made me uneasy and Sertraline seemed to be the only AD that had the least side effects at the time 2017 Sertraline 75 mg -> slow taper to 50 MG for two weeks -> halving the dosage & following this pattern until there was nothing -> 5 HTP 50 mg & 1200 mg Fish Oil NOW = 1200 mg Fish Oil and becoming accustomed to an Ayurvedic diet along with daily yoga practice**** this is HUGE and one of the main reasons I have remained clean from AD's Now, almost two months clean from prescription drugs I can say that there is still lots of work to be done. When you go through your teenage years and early twenties on AD's, you need to relearn how to interact and react as there is no longer that pill keeping you numb. Everything becomes real and raw. There are still days that I have my emotions consume my entire being in a negative way and I am still working on this. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. As of right now, it seems as though I am taking off from where I left off at 16 years old. This means emotionally and re actively along with maturity and sexuality. As many of you can relate, I could go on with this topic and how it has effected my entire life for ever and ever. There will be more posts that follow in regards to these drugs and how we can help each other become clean and free once again as we were made to be. Love and blessings to you all <3 we CAN do this..we are all in this together! LB Anti-depressants controlling tools of your system Making life more tolerable, making life more tolerable. The Unthinking Majority - Serj Tankian
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