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  1. Hi all. I am in desperate need of help but so tired and untrusting and out of hope. I stopped Cymbalta 2 months ago. I'm on nothing now. I was taking Lamictal at 50mg as well but stopped that too because of the rashes I was getting. Most of the physical withdrawals are gone, but now I'm experiencing anger (at nothing in particular) and extreme depression. I'm not quite sure how to get through it other than going back on a medication....which I don't really want to do since they've screwed me up physically. I swear I've tried everything but TMS...and my insurance doesn't cover that. I'm 3000 miles away from home. I have no close friends out here. My Dad is suffering of stage 4 cancer back home. I'm obligated to be here for another 7 months. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no confidence, no real hope, no energy. I exercise almost every day but it's not helping anymore. I have chronic pain and am suppose to get a spinal fusion. I don't know if I could handle that though since I'm still depressed even while I'm exercising. Should I go on Prozac to take the edge off....so I can at least get through the next 7 months? I don't even know if that would work though. Last time I was on Prozac it was just as good as being on nothing at all. I've tried amino acids. they don't seem to work either. St. John's Wort gave me rashes. I honestly don't think my life is worth very much. I don't and haven't had a significant other in some time. The last one I had beat me up emotionally all the time. It was just like my inner critic turned to a separate human being. I have friends, but they aren't that close and would probably run away if they knew how big my pain was. I am so sick of this part of me that keeps coming back every time I try to live off antidepressants. I hate this part of me. Why can't I be just like everyone else and be grateful for what I have? How the hell do you get out from under the darkness that wants to kill you?
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