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  1. Hi, I will try to keep it brief, but I am in desperate need of advice. I am a 34YO Male, my 1st bout of anxiety happened 10 years ago when I experienced a very stressful time in my life. I had my 1st child, started MBA school, and opened my own business all within a 3 month span. Had a panic attack one night, and what followed was a year of high general anxiety, with some intrusive OCDish thoughts sprinkled in. After a year I decided I would give meds a try. Tried Buspar...did nothing except make me dizzy. Tried Zoloft, and this was the magic bullet for me. Felt my anxiety lesson (after a brief increase) after about 3-4 weeks and after a few months I was back to myself. During this time I would have blips (one to two week periods when my anxiety would resurface, usually requiring a dose tweak and then would go back to normal. These would usually happen when I was eating bad, not exercising ect). At the start of my Zoloft experience I at one point got up to 150mgs, but in the last 4-5 years was on the minimum dose of 50mgs after I got generally healthier and added a multivitamin and fish oil supplement. Because of these blips, and the fact I was afraid to go back to the year of anxiety, I stayed on the Zoloft probably longer than I should have. It was 8 years later (October 2016) when I finally said, "heck I don't need these anymore". My prescription ran out and I just decided not to refill it. I went through most of the withdrawl symptoms, some brain-zaps, lots of light-headedness and dizziness, ect. That went away after about 3 weeks and for 3 months I felt great, totally off meds and totally back to normal. At the end of January this year, I started to have another "blip." I wasn't eating healthy and not exercising as much and decided I would be "proactive" and resume the Zoloft at my previous dose of 50mgs to nip it in the bud. This sent my anxiety through the roof but thought my body would adjust so I continued taking them. I was so scared of the increased anxiety though I didn't give it a fair shot and kept increasing and decreasing the dosage from 25 to 50mgs every week or so. Finally got into a p-doc and he gave me Lexapro, 5mgs for the 1st week and 10mgs after that...long story short, it did the same thing as the Zoloft and wasn't much better after 7 weeks. At this point I figured, "wow I wasn't this bad before, I will just go off of these!" Well unfortunately my month of no meds did not return me to my January self, in fact it was probably worse than on the meds! So then the doctor gave me pregabalin, which helped a little, but is crazy expensive and not covered by insurance. So on June 1st I started Paxil, 10 mgs for the 1st week and 20mgs after that, hoping the pregabalin can help me to get on them. I really want to be off meds, but don't think I am mentally able to at this point. It seems quitting the Zoloft cold turkey, then reinstating, I am much more sensitive to these drugs, does that make any sense? So I am hopeful I can eventually give a med (Paxil) enough time that my body will desensitize to it, and I can be on it for a bit to get stable again, then get off. Anybody experienced anything like this? Will my body desensitize? I am so desperate to feel normal again, I am a father of 3 (10YO Boy, 7YO Boy, 3YO Girl), a husband to an amazing wife, and they need their Dad and Husband back! What should I do? Give Paxil the time to desensitize, then get off after a few months? Is the fish-oil supplement that I still take that helped me reduce my dose of Zoloft causing me to be more sensitive? Quit everything and see what happens? Thanks in advance for reading my story and giving any advice or encouragement.
  2. Hi, I am new to this side, but unfortunately not new to antidepressants. In 2010 I managed to tapper Effexor, which took me more than two years. I made a terrible mistake and around 2 months ago I have started taking escitalopram. I was fulled by a psychiatrist that this is a safest antidepressant, which does not cause any side effects. I have also been on low dose of Doxepin at night to prevent migraines (this has been for over 2 years, but never caused any major problems...) I started on 5mg of escitalopram and I was ok on this, my anxiety stopped, I slept better, etc. Two weeks ago I increased to 10mg and this is when symptoms started. Firstly it was a weird sensation, each morning I was getting "pins and needles" in my arms, this was going away after getting up. Then I started sleeping badly...I wanted to cut back to 5mg, but a psychiatric said that it was only temporary, so I have stay on 10mg. In the meantime, I had a migraine and took my usual triptan; I almost got serotonin syndrom (at least I think)...This was the time I started to read about escitalopram and discovered horror stories... I want to stop this drug! I wonder if I have taken it for so short I could go with a faster than 10% tapper? Can I cut to 5mg straight away? Thank you Ikam
  3. Moderator note: Link to Nikki74's benzo thread: lexapro kindling akasthesia Mirtazipine diazepam Help. i recently stopped lexapro after a short taper from ten to five mg over 9 days. i had been on 20mg since 2011 then tapered quickly in June and stopped. This was a few weeks after stopping pregabalin 150mg v abruptly. all this time I was also on 15mg Mirtazipine. my anxiety went crazy and gp told me to double Mirtazipine dose to 30. I lasted 3 weeks of hellish symptoms and was put on diazepam and Zopiclone. im now off Zopiclone which was tough. 6 weeks ago GP told me to go back to 15mg Mirtazipine and add in 10mg lexapro. This didn't help so now have stopped lexapro three days ago but took 2.5 mg last night as am feeling withdrawal. gp wants me to start tapering diazepam as I'm getting worse akasthesia when it wears off or even a paradoxical reaction to it. i have akasthesia. Insomnia. Severe anxiety. Shaking. Muscle weakness. Obsessive thoughts and suicidal ideation as cannot go on like this. The only brief ride break I get is the 15mg Mirtazipine which calms me for 2-3 hours. How can I go on? i am a single mum and have CFS already for many years. do I stay off the Lexapro now? How do I cope with withdrawals, akasthesia, and tapering diazepam?? I take 7mg a day been on it three months. i can't stop in one place and am smoking (just tobacco) every half hour. i got sober in 2013. this is hell.
  4. Junglechicken

    ☼ Junglechicken

    Hi, I joined this forum today and wanted to introduce myself. All it took was a family trauma to set off my depression/anxiety (my father's inability to stop spending money he didn't have, led to no money and my having to pay for my parents housing etc.,). I have suffered from underlying depression and anxiety for many years but managed to keep a lid on it by exercising and I guess being younger and able to forget the darker stuff by clubbing and going out. Then 6 years ago hubby and I moved to Canada from the UK and I dive-bombed into hell. Daily panic attacks at home and work, I was bullied at numerous work places as well as dealing with the work pressure, feeling of isolation and no support network. Then in June I lost my job and have been more or less house bound with the exception of having to go out to do chores. Went to my doctor who prescribed Cipralex (Feb 2014) - I was on it for 18 months in total and came off it mid-September 2015 after a 3 month taper at 5mg. This happened after I had got a job at a large company (Nov 2013), and I had to take 3.5 months medical leave. Upon my return to work, I was met with resentment and disdain by my colleagues who saw it that I was just looking to get "free vacation" time. This made my life even more hellish - my Manager had wanted to get rid of me upon my return but couldn't by law. I lost my job about a year after returning to work due to redundancy. Since then I have experienced extreme fatigue (had to stop marathon training), intense muscle and joint soreness, weird dreams, tinnitus, headaches, sinusitis, pressure changes in my ears and ear pain, sub-clinical migraines, crying spells, GI issues, heightened anxiety and depression. Despite these things, doctors never seem to find anything actually wrong with me. I honestly feel as though I am in hell - I feel as though someone has taken a photocopy of me and the photocopy is a completely different person (withdrawal). The weekdays are a drag, and I dread them as my hubby is at work. I fear the worst will happen while he is away. I am a total basket case and freak out very easily if there is a withdrawal symptom I don't recognise. If I can survive this, I can survive anything.
  5. I don't know......I am practice posting. At present I am about 5 days off Adderal, 2.5 mg. It feels alot like when I finally came off Lexapro......I was down to 3 mg. and they took me off of it completely in October while I was in the hospital........meanwhile started up on the Adderal and still am on Trileptal 150mg. x2/day. Anyway mostly upper back achiness now.......total demotivation as anything is stressful and am just working for staying calm, fluids, eating, sleep. A conversation by phone once in awhile. Pay the bills. Accept help when I can. So maybe I am somewhat on topic. Not sure I could list all the meds. that I have withdrawn from yet........someday soon. I just wanted to be around people that get it..........and find the hope and strength again. You know.......I believe in God(although a God that accepts my anger sometimes), but even more so in a universal strength to be found in others. Anyway.......thankful for my journey in a way.......especially in those windows I get of clarity and calm.
  6. hi all, I am not sure how much info you want or need, but the short version is: i have been on lexapro for 13yrs. I believe it was prescribed for me just a few weeks after it became available. I had been on the highest dose of celexa before this. my dose was quickly raised from 20mgs to 30mgs to 40 mgs, where it stayed for many years. My insurance balked at the 40mg dose, saying that over 30mgs was not shown to have any additional effect so about 2 yrs ago, my dose was reduced to 30mgs. I don't even know how many times I have tried to go off this drug. I do not believe it is helping me at all. It seems all I have is the side effecs but no benefit whatsoever. I have had several severe depressions in the past couple of years. I am now commited to getting off this stuff for good. For a lot of reasons that I'm too tired to go into now. I am down to taking about 1/8 of a 20mg tablet every couple of days, or whenever the insomnia and/or feelings of rage get to be too much. I am very lucky, this time I have NOT had any of the brain zaps, nor that feeling of losing my balance, etc. Primarily I am dealing with severe insomnia that may or may not be from going off the lexapro- see, I lost my 17 yr old cat on Nov 29th and I have not been able to sleep much at all since. I think it's a really weird grief reaction, but I don't know, maybe it's partly withdrawal too....? the rages are totally out of character for me. Part of me thinks they are due to extreme fatigue but even when I am not feeling too terribly tired, I will have these "episode" of just terrible anger out of nowhere. it scares me. I think of doing awful terrible things, violent things. I screamed at my doctor's nurse. for no reason, really, I just felt out of control and that she was not hearing me about how bad things are. anyway, I did not know a place like this existed, I've been on forums for ppl with mental illness before and they all get totally freaked out when you talk about going off your meds. I hope I can find some support and help for this and mostly I hope to be able to be OFF of this drug for good! thanks for listening to my long rambling post, off to look around the forum
  7. Hi! English is not my first language so I apologize if my texts are confusing, same with my signature. I quit the last 5 mg escitalopram/cipralex 3 weeks ago. When I went down from 10 to 5 mg nothing got better so I started reading about tardive dysphoria which made me very eager to quit my medication completely. I also found out about 6 months ago that quitting 5 mg at a time is way too drastic for someone who has been using the medication for years, but I figured i'd just endure this last time. The problem is that I've now found out from reading on this site and on other places that some of the side effects might become permanent. So my question now is, should I go back up to 5-4 mg, and then slowly go down 1 mg at a time from there? Or should I just wait this out when it has already been 3 weeks. I'm willing to wait it out if it gets better. But if there are big risks about doing what i'm doing right now i'm gonna go back up if that's your advice. Ps: I do feel horrible physically and mentally and can practically not be around people, but as I said i'm willing to endure it if it gets better. I can't trust my doctors anymore, they want to make me go back up to max dosage with both voxra and cipralex + start giving me more benzo for no good reason. Which is why I'm asking here, the people here seem to have good knowledge about this. TL;DR: Go back up to 5 mg and go down 1 mg at a time or endure this and wait for it to get better?
  8. Hello all, I've been reading these forums intensely for the past week as I've been in rough shape, but I found out about SA last August when my meds first pooped-out. Anyways, I thought it was time that I posted and got more involved because it's Hell right now.. So a little background, I was first put on Zoloft in 2006 for social anxiety and depression, which was secondary to the social anxiety IMO. I was started on 50mg and had some slight flushing and palpitation, nothing too severe and completely bearable. Then my psych Dr kept increasing the dosage by 25mg I think about every two weeks until I reached 150mg. I was feeling fine even at 75mg so I don't know why he did that. Anyways I had 0 side effects, sexual or otherwise, and basically got my life back. I got my first girlfriend in college, went clubbing, made friends and got a part-time job. Things I thought were never going to happen in my life when I first started struggling with social anxiety when I was around 17. Then about 8 months in after starting Zoloft, the Dr advised that I taper off and quit because I was doing so well. He had me taper from 150mg to 0 in about 6 weeks or so. After about 2 weeks off Zoloft, the zaps started. They were pretty severe every time I turned my head. Then I got hungry right after I ate so I would eat more. Then I got emotional, to the point that I shed a tear or two while watching a Jet Li movie..I had no clue about withdrawal back then so I just stuck it out and about 3 to 4 weeks after quitting Zoloft, the emotional symptoms hit hard. Crippling depression, anxiety, impending doom, suicidal thoughts, depersonalization. I was bed bound for a few days and then started drinking. So the Dr put me back on Zoloft but I was still a wreck after a week or so, and he added risperidone to no avail, switched me to Paxil and finally Lexapro 10mg and Seroquel 50mg at night which seemed to help after 3 or 4 days. Thinking back, I probably could have stuck with Zoloft after the reinstatement and stuck it out until I stabilized which would have been preferable to adding an anti-psychotic but again I had no clue about withdrawal and I guess neither did the Dr. But the Lexapro and seroquel worked so I stayed on it for about a year before deciding to try quitting again in April of 2008. Went through the same withdrawal after tapering off too quickly (don't remember how fast but probably 10 weeks or less) and reinstated both Lexapro and Seroquel. Decided just to stay on them for life if they keep working because I didn't have any noticeable side effects besides the Seroquel making my nose stuffy but I took it at night and it knocked me out in about an hour so I guess I didn't really care. Fast forward to August of 2017, after the birth of my first child which required some significant lifestyle changes coupled with a stressful/dirty/dangerous work environment, I got the withdrawal symptoms, even though I was on the same dosage. Not a lot of the physical symptoms but very mild zaps 2-3 times/day and just some generalized fatigue which went on for about a 8 weeks, then the sudden crippling emotional symptoms hit. Went to the local Dr (I moved so it was a different Dr) and asked to try Effexor XR after doing some research. Thought I needed something stronger..lol..but was only on it for about 10 days which was hell because by then I also had hot flushes, tinnitus, light sensitivity, and panic attacks. I went back to the Dr and this time switched back to Zoloft with fingers crossed. I went back up to 150mg, but didn't notice much improvement after about 8 weeks so I decided it wasn't working and that I was just going to quit all antidepressants forever. So from October 16 to December 4 2017, I went from 150 mg to 0. Shortly after starting the taper I noticed the Zaps had flared up again but I just brushed it off to the poop-out. I started taking 200 mg sam-e and 250 to 500mg l-theanine in hopes of lessening the withdrawal symptoms, and I did okay with manageable anxiety and little to no depressive symptoms. That is until I decided it was time to stop the sam-e and l-theanine as well. I started skipping sam-e and l-theanine every 3 days, then 2 then every other day and so on until my last dose on the 18th of February 2018. The past week or so I have hit rock bottom again with the emotional symptoms, being homebound and not able to workout which means a lot because I have not missed a single day of lifting weights in the past 3 or so years except the day my child was born. I am now seriously thinking about reinstating either the Zoloft or the sam-e and l-theanine then following the 10% taper method because I will have to move again in about 4 weeks and I'm supposed to go on a month long trip with my family in April, both of which has been stressing me out for some time now. I would rather not if I can because it feels like taking steps back but as I've read multiple times in this forum sometimes it's necessary to go back a few steps to move forward. I'm just scared of the many unknown variables, but it certainly is better than the alternative especially now that I have a wonderful, loving and supportive wife and a lovely baby whom I love very much.
  9. Hi Everyone, So where to start? Guess this forces another time to think back when a fatal turn of my life started. Unlike most of us here, I started the 2 week sample supply of Lexapro pill in 2009 for a severe headache based on recommendation of a friend who has been taking SSRI for years. So I didn't go through any information of side effect or how to take the drugs etc., information you would otherwise get from a pharmacist or dedication insert. Somehow it stopped my headache 2 weeks on 10 mg of lex. I don't remember why I restarted it after the initial doses, but do know it’s not for another headache. It was something only now I can relate that it must be withdrawal of that 2 weeks sample. Anyway, I started feeling anxious and other flu-like symptoms (which I mistakenly thought I do have anxiety) so I have been on and off lex on a dose 1/4--1/3 of the 10 mg pill over 3 yrs. period (so been withdrawal numerous times unconsciously). I was ok then except for some pins/needling sensation on head, neck and back in morning which is tolerable. When the generic Lex was first available in the market mid-2012, insurance switched me to it without my awareness. After half year of the switch (increased from 2.5mg to 10mg in fighting with the side effects), pin and needling getting less to none while jaw pain progresses to a level of daily bothersome. The thought of withdrawal was triggered by the worsening of the jaw pain. I prepared the WD fully (as I thought) by lots of online research and used the program from Point of Return taking their supplement pre, during, post WD along with lower than suggested reduction rate (5%) tapering down from 10mg-5mg quickly and then 5mg-2.5mg (liquid) in 2 months when hell started with the most weird and severe jaw and head pain which took me to the first ever panic attack (Aug.2013), plus constent knifing on my head. I backed up to 2.5-3.0mg since then in fearing of the recurrence of the severe WD. Ever since then, I never had one day or minute free of this pain, along with hot flush companied by occasional anxiety and depression.. I switched back to name brand Nov. 2013 (also liquid) after learning from others that the generic can cause severe jaw pain (it is recognized by many generic takers that the two works differently and the generic is bad or worse). It seems the pain is lessoned after 4 month switch just a tiny bit in severity not even the frequency while stabilizing for the change has been the battle of my everyday life. It’s so crazy how much one drop more or less can do to my poor mind and I have to say I gave up hope to understand weather it’s too much or too less of the med is causing which/what symptoms. Everytime I change (ip or down) just a few drops of the liquid lex, I got handful of strange and new symptoms and lately I have been thinking of suicide, the only way to stop it all. I dont know if when others talking about suicidal thoughts, is it somethign poped up out of blue or more like the terrible feeling/suffering put you into such thought? Putting all the sorrow and agony aside, While in constant search for understanding of the situation for a strategy, from what I learned from publications (one of those linked below) and fellow victims (with same severe WD after many years), I have been asking myself this big question: will it be better off just staying with the med than continuing tapering (which could post greater danger and suffering for long time)? http://www.madinamer...n-acknowledged/ I understand this means giving up the hope for freedom and live with poor quality life. But this is what I have been struggling lately everyday and really appreciate your thoughts. Hope we all have a good day for the good Friday and getting better.
  10. I lost a sister to suicide in 2007 and was put on antidepressants by a justifiably nervous mother. She and I both now realize what a sham the whole thing AD$ thing is, and I have desperately wanted to get off of the stuff for years (I'd only been taking it to avoid withdrawal) but I worry I won't be able to get to a normal state again. I stayed on Lexapro through high school and college and was certainly able to do alright through certain traumas ( I was disagnosed with C-PTSD from the loss and an assault when I was 18. I'm now 24) but here without the Lexapro I'm feeling worse than I ever have in my life, panicking and projecting negativity... I was never like that, I've always been an optimistic high-achiever, and now it's as though my brain just isn't working anymore. I feel slower, as though vocabulary has just fallen out of my brain... Perhaps this is hurting my ego more, having been regarded as "gifted" growing up... I worry that I was on these drugs for too long throughout my developing years. I have worked through so much emotionally over the years in various forms of therapy, but this feels like a complete physiological thing that's just taking control over me. I was able to feel okay in the few months after my final tiny bit of Lexapro taken in February (after a very gradual taper over many months)- I was in another country with few responsibilities, which made the taper relatively easy compared to previous attempts. Near the end of the trip some irrational upset began... Now I'm back home (3 weeks ago) and I'm having a complete meltdown like never before. I am having extreme anxiety especially in the AM, ruminating on negative thoughts, fits of crying (sometimes for hours), suicidal ideation (I won't do it because of my sister), complete self-doubt, absolute anguish.. I can't go on like this. I was never like this, before or during Lexapro. I feel no joy in my work (Which used to be so healing for me) or desire/ability to do what I need to... I'm exercising, meditating, I've tried so many supplements... There was one day of clarity when I took 5-HTP, but the next I was a nervous wreck again... I tried L-tryptophan later... I don't know what to do at this point, I've been so down that I caved and took a Prozac today as some people use it to get off of Lexapro, but I don't want the SSRI's anymore... Today I felt so tired and out of it, my moods are cycling like crazy... Of course it won't work in just a day, but I am so desperate to get away from these horrible feelings... My mom wants to send me to a rehab specializing in this type of thing, but it's insanely expensive and although I'm so grateful that she'd consider that I don't know if a month's worth of help can undo the years I was on the SSRI... Looking back at all of this I feel so ungrateful and unworthy of the goodness in my life that I know of, but cannot feel... I feel so lost and hopeless... Any input is greatly appreciated Lexapro 2007-Feb 2016
  11. Hello everyone! I have been lurking on here for about 2 years just viewing everything and learning as much as possible. Here is my story and introduction! I was put on Lexapro about 1 1/2 years ago when I suddenly hit depression. I had super anxiety before depression but I didnt understand it. I had all these physical symptoms from stress (new job, new house, new wife, had two kids) such as digestive issues, brain fog, etc. etc. so I thought I was dying! I thought I had MS, Cancer, etc.. and I would google all the symptoms. I got in a vicious cycle of fear and worry that I could not get out of and then I hit depression. I really feel that it really started when I was put on antibiotics for a month because of a prostate issue I had. From there I stopped sleeping and was having panic attacks, anxiety, you name it I had it. So my doc put me on Lexapro 15mg and after about 2-3 months things went back to the way it was. I stopped caring and worrying and all my symptoms disapeared (for the most part) but I was able to deal with them better. About 1 year after being on Lexapro it was time to taper off. So about 4 months ago I have gone from 15mg to 1.80mg. 15mg to 10mg was a breeze. No withdrawals at all 10mg to 7.5mg was easy too. No withdrawals. 7.5mg to 5mg was also easy. Slight anxiety but really nothing big. 5mg to 3.75mg was also easy. Same which I got slight anxiety. 3.75mg to 2.5mg was harder. I felt I kept abusing marijuana and alcohol at this time. Anxiety and issues started slowly coming back, then I hit a good window for three weeks. 2.5mg to 1.25mg was hard. Weird physical symptoms came and I talked to my doc and he put me on the liquid version and wanted me to go back up to 2mg. I was on that for about a month and was continuing drinking and smoking marijuana but about a few week ago I just stopped. It was taking a toll on me and I when I smoked marijuana on lexapro I had no anxiety, but now when coming off it seems like it intensified withdrawals x 5. At the beginning of this week I went down to 1.80mg because something inside told me it was time. I was taking this b-complex and it was helping a little but I starting taking two a day and all my symptoms of withdrawals completely went non-existent. Not sure If I can share brand names so I wont unless someone allows me, but its not synthetic b-complex but made from holy basil, lemons, etc. It just has worked so well. Supplement stack now- Betain HCL - For digestion Acacia Gum- Prebiotic Cod liver oil - Omega 3's 2x B complex's Superfood Greens - Overall health I am going to my naturpathic/integrative doctor in a week to get a full vitamin panel done. Maybe its my hypochondria or my intuitions, but I want to get my vitamin levels checked to make sure I am not deficient to give my body the best possible healing it can have. I just find it so weird that this b-complex completely changed me so fast. I feel as if the years of stress has depleted my gut bacteria and vitamins and I am looking forward to getting things checked. Thats my story and thanks for having me everyone!
  12. Hi all, I have been struggling off and on over the last 14 years with what I thought was anxiety the whole time, but am now realizing it was more likely withdrawal from stopping antidepressants too quickly. The first SSRI I was put on was Paxil. I tapered off after 7 months because I never really liked the idea of being on an antidepressant. I started having anxiety a few months later and was switched to 50 mg of Zoloft. I tried multiple times over the next 13 or so years to stop Zoloft, but the anxiety always returned, so back on I would go. In the fall of 2015 I had a return of anxiety after reducing the Zoloft to 25mg and tried to go back to 50, but it wasn't helping, so ended up going to 150mg before I felt relief. I again tried tapering last summer and got down to 25mg and experienced increased anxiety as well as insomnia. My doctor switched me to Lexapro last October, but it only made me more anxious, so after 10 weeks he switched me to Paxil. I got up to 20mg of Paxil for 3 weeks and wasn't feeling any better, so finally decided I had enough and wanted off the antidepressants. I started tapering at the end of January down to 15mg for 2 weeks, then 10 for 2 weeks, then to 7.5, and after about a week and a half at 7.5 started feeling really anxious again. I found this site and decided to go back up to 10mg of Paxil and stabilized for about 2 weeks and then started tapering 10%. Was doing pretty well for a couple of weeks at 9mg and then started feeling a little anxiety creep in. I talked to my doctor about switching to Prozac to make the tapering hopefully easier, so a week ago this Friday I started taking 4.5 mg each of Paxil and Prozac. I have experienced some ups and downs with anxiety since then, and am having a particularly difficult time right now. Feeling quite anxious and can't sleep. I took .5mg lorazepam tablet and am feeling a bit better, but not sure what to do now. I was going to switch to just 9mg of the Prozac and eliminate the Paxil tomorrow, but not sure if I should continue with the half and half mixture I have been doing or maybe even just go back to the Paxil alone? This just sucks so bad. I know I have probably screwed up my system so much with all of these changes and can only pray the damage is reversible. I was feeling pretty good earlier today, but then started feeling terrible as the evening went on. Haven't felt this bad in a while. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
  13. Hi all . I was on SSRI for 9 years (mostly lexapro) with some small breaks in between. I withdrew fully (don't believe I did it slowly) in July and now 3 months later I am experiencing intense symptoms that became disabling at times . I was initially prescribed lexapro in college for panic attacks and general anxiety . Physical symptoms compared to emotional were not bad for me at all . Now 3 months later my fatigue intensified. I am constantly exhausted no matter how much I sleep . I feel detached and disconnected. I am also indifferent and not emotional (example I don't want to be intimate) the most annoying thing is dizziness and the feeling of disbalance I wonder if it will ever go away . At times I wonder if I should go back on drugs but in all honestly they didn't really help me I just get like a zombie. If anyone can share their experience coming off lexapro, similar symptoms and if gets better . Thank you so much <3
  14. Hello everybody. I was on lexapro 20mg for 20 months due to a high stress situation. after months of therapy for stress management I decided to come off lexapro as I felt I had dealt with the issues. Both my therapist and doctor came up with a 6 week taper method . I am now 6 1/2 months off and I am suffering dearly with severe anxiety , fear , depression , and a very odd depersonalized state , plus other symptoms. I know now I tapered way too fast and I am very much past the window for reinstatement. I've had to quit work and can barely function at all. I have noticed that everyday seems like it's getting worse. I used to get windows that were half of a day long , but those have stopped two weeks ago. I'm looking for hope and encouragement as I have a little girl who needs her daddy to be alive. I fear that I'm going to die or become severely disabled for EVER. I'm trying to accept that this will take a very long time to heal from , but I am very very scared that I'll never be the same. I don't take any other drugs , but I do use an ecig with only 1 mg of nicotine. which is about 5% of a regular cigarette. Is it normal to get worse after 6 months off ? Will it get even more worse later ? Does it reach a peak and then get better ? I am very grateful for this site. I only wish I found it before I chose to come off.
  15. Hello, It's been 3.5 months since I stopped taking lexapro. I still can't get an alcohol buzz. I don't experience any euphoria just the dizziness. Has any else experienced this? Did you regain the ability to feel a buzz? This seems so unnatural. I wonder what is happening in the brain. Thanks.
  16. Hi All, What an informative site. Well done all involved. Currently I'm on 20mg Lexapro & wish to reduce it down to 15mg over the next three months. I find my concentration poor so I would I would be very grateful if you could give me information in simple terms even bullet points. I've been on Lexapro 11 years.This is my goal for 2016.
  17. Hi everyone, Very happy to have found this forum, as I feel my doctor has been a bit too aggressive with medication changes recently and I am not sure what to do. As history, I was put on 10 mg of Zyprexa when hospitalized for a psychotic episode Spring 2017. That was followed by 10 mg of Lexapro for depression and anxiety. When I later had insomnia the Lexapro was increased to 20 mg. I gradually reduced the Zyprexa to 2.5 mg with the support of my doctor. I recently moved across the country and began seeing a new psychiatrist for general support but also due to continued depression, anxiety and a new bout of insomnia. She had me stop the Zyprexa 2.5 mg and replaced it with Seroquel (same class, more sedating), but I had a paradoxical reaction to the Seroquel (has also happened to me with every sleep med), so we discontinued it and never resumed the Zyprexa, so I am withdrawing. She also had me change from Lexapro to Zoloft to try to assist with sleep about 2.5 weeks ago--stopped Lexapro and started Zoloft at 25 mg with intent to quickly increase to 100 (equivalent to Lexapro 20). I immediately started having palpitations which only increased as I increased the dosage to 100, insomnia worsened, so we reduced it back to 25. The palpitations continued (though not as badly) and I developed allergy type symptoms (sneezing, cough, runny nose) and increased anxiety. I felt I was reacting to the Zoloft, so we decided after less than 2 weeks to switch me back to the Lexapro--a known entity. We did a quick taper of the Zoloft (12.5 mg one day, nothing the next) then resumed Lexapro at 10 mg for 2 days five days ago. My doctor advised me to decide whether to increase it more thereafter depending on how I felt. I was still having palpitations at 2 days on 10 mg Lexapro and thought perhaps I was having Lexapro withdrawal from the change attempt and low dose of Zoloft so increased to 15 mg, have been there for 3 days. Palpitations and anxiety are worse (I have had them medically checked and my heart is ok) and then I found this site and realized I have probably been withdrawing from Lexapro over the last 3 weeks and reinstating at a high-ish dose might not be the best idea. I have also taken 1 mg of Ativan a few times in desperation to relieve anxiety and insomnia, but do not want to become dependent on it. I am lost here! Not sure whether to go up or down on the Lexapro (intuitively down feels best, with the possibility of increasing later). I would be grateful for any suggestions. Thanks so much for reading!
  18. Hello, I have been lurking around this site for months now and want to thank everybody here . It really is a supportive community and as helped me through my tough times and continues to do so. I have tried to think about what to write in this post may times as it seems there is so many things/experiences/ incites that I would want to share during my road off Lexapro. I was prescribed Lexapro 10mg about 10 or 11 years ago after getting depressed at University. Looking back at it now it was loneliness, shyness and social anxiety that where causing my issues. One day after spending most of my final year in bed, not attending lectures I realized I needed help. Went back home and saw doctor. Fast forward 10 years my drug pooped out ( a horrible experience) so a started on what was a very fast taper. I had no idea at that point what I was doing and just started by skipping doses and doing huge cuts. Around mid August 2018 I started by a reducing on alternative days. I don't remember the exact dosing but it went something like taking 10 for 6 days, 7.5 one day, then 10 for 5 days, 7.5 for 2 days per week. Then when at 7.5 start again with 7.5 and 5 mg. I realize now that this is completely the wrong way of doing things. This process has cased havoc for me at although I have been lucky enough to keep my job from working online from home, I have been crying, raging, depressed and have had some of the worst anxiety in my life . The first few months of withdrawal were hell, with everything from fatigue, crying, nerve pain, bring skin, pins and needles all over body and eyes as well becoming more Isolated socially, insomnia etc. I somehow just toughed it out. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life I have not been in so much emotional and physical pain. ( However after a traffic accident this I was involved in 2 years ago I did have some pain scale to use. Ie comparing withdrawal pains to the pain of my accident which was. So now I'm here at about 9.5 months off my last dose and things do seem to be better in some respects and still very difficult. Physically my symptoms come and go although I do still get very fatigued, have some burning in the feet and legs and pins and needles now and again. My biggest hurdle at the moment in the nano emotions ( which I learnt about using this site), regrets and anxieties about the past and the future. My actual life its self has changed as well as I decided to move back home to live with my parents in the UK. I am a 32 year old male and have spent the last 8 years living in Thailand. So there are a few things there that would be difficult for most to handle. Yes living back at home is harder than expected, I dont have huge amounts of friends here anymore and just being back here is strange to me . There is a lot more to this than oh withdrawal oh lets go home, it might seem that way and to some extent it was but there were other factors involved. I still work online which I good and I think its good that I can still work through this, however i'm very aware of the fact that at some point soon I will need to move forward. Sorry if that's a ramble but thats it. One last thing that I have noticed is my body has changed and healed a lot which always gives me hope. I have become more masculine, muscular and just appear more like my actual age rather than the a immature boy. I just wanted to share my story and join this community. Much love...
  19. I'm new here. I have been on various SSRIs for 22 years and depressed since I was at least age 12. I went off the latest SSRI, generic Lexapro, because I have gained 30+ pounds over the last few years, needed at least 12 hours per day of sleep and still wasn't happy. I am on the max of Bruproprion. It doesn't seem to have any unwanted side effects. It is supposed to be at least weight neutral when taken without other drugs. The physical withdrawal effects are brain zaps, ringing in the ears, dizziness and nausea. These aren't 24/7 and they may be subsiding. Hard to say. I tapered from 10mg of Lex to 5mg to 5 every other day. I did this starting beginning mid-June. My struggle is that I fear my depression is returning. I feel like I will never be OK. I also don't want to become anti-psych med or anti doctor but I wonder if I wasted years of my life on meds that never worked or if this is the way it will always be.
  20. Hi All! Sorry for long post, but I just wanted to share my whole story. I've been following this site since my last taper.. but was hoping I would never need to post here for advice.. but here I am... I started Lexapro around 2009 due to depression that was caused by external factors. I was having family issues and struggling in college. I started drinking a lot and smoking cigarettes... that's when I thought something might be wrong with me so after talking to some friends, they recommended I go to a doctor. Well, I ended up at the university's psychiatrists office a left with a prescription of Lexapro. Not sure when I ended up on 20mg but I'm sure I started out with 10mg at 1st. I stayed on the Lexapro even though I still had major depressive episodes in college. I thought I needed the Lex because of the depression, but I later (recently) learned my depression got worse because of the Lexapro. I drank alcohol and smoked weed and cigarettes while on Lexapro. It wasn't until years later that I realized that drinking alcohol caused issues with the Lexapro which made me more depressed. My psychiatrist never warned me about drinking on it.. even though I told him that I did drink on it... However, he was very against weed... I think the only reason I graduated college with an engineering degree is because of weed. It helped me get through all of the hard times and kept my mind at bay. Fast forward... I finally decided to get off the Lexapro right after college. 2013- 1st taper 20mg to 10mg in 2weeks ----------(Got brian zaps. Dr said to stay on Lex) This was a bad idea because I was still drinking. I got a DUI because I tried to speed home late at night because I knew I had to take the Lexapro early in the morning or else I would have a bad hangover. Decided to go back to full dosage so I could handle the DUI situation... The next time I tried to taper, I was doing great in life. Still smoking weed but I cut down alcohol drastically. 2015- 2nd taper 20mg to 15mg to 10mg by 1month on each dose ----------(Got chest pains, Dr said to live with chest pains forever or continue Lexapro) I got scared so I decided to stay on Lexapro... The second reason was because I just broke up with my girlfriend and I was about to start traveling for work... I needed to be functional for work travel. This is where my Dr said I had a General Anxiety Disorder and should stay on the Lexapro my whole life.... yea I didn't believe that but I felt hopeless at the time. 2017/2018- 3rd taper 20mg to 15mg to 10mg by 3months on each dose ----------(Thought I had a seizure, GP Drs said it was not one but probably low blood sugar or pressure. Psychiatrist said to stay on 20mg Lexapro "just to be safe" and focus on quitting smoking 1st) This was the best taper I was doing. However, ever since one night I got dizzy, slowly fell to the floor and my whole body shivered. I got up, used the bathroom (#2), had a panic attack, and then I felt fine afterward so I went to bed. That had me scared. My GP said it was not a seizure since I got up right away. I'm sure it was from smoking to fast and dehydration most likely. I told my psychiatrist and he said to focus on quitting cigs 1st. And that I should stay on Lexapro 20mg for life. This horrible psychiatrist prescribed me benzos to help quit smoking cigs (yea replace 1 drug for another horrible one). I quit drinking alcohol as well. 2018- New psychiatrist. 20mg to 15mg (3weeks) to 10mg(2.5weeks) to 7.5mg(2weeks) to 5mg(2weeks) to 2.5mg(weeks).. now at 0mg since July 27th 2018 ----------(Fast taper due to side effects on full dose or else I would have tapered extremely slower.. starting smoking cigs again to help get through the withdrawals.. now regretting that decision) So I finally quit smoking cigs after 10years. I was smoke-free for two months! Then it all went downhill from there... I started to experience side effects from the Lexapro. Horrible insomnia, night sweats, dry mouth, sensitivity to light and sound... I knew this was not from quitting cigs because I was done with the withdrawals from them. I didn't sleep for almost a week. No natural supplements helped... I panicked. I emailed my psychiatrist and told him what was going on. He said...." THERE ARE NO SIDE EFFECTS FROM THIS MEDS AND IT'S JUST MY ANXIETY"... That's when I knew I had to switch psychiatrist. It took me a while to book an appointment because most were a month waiting list... I panicked more. I started to smoke cigs again to help me finally come off the meds... I didn't know what else to do... Finally found a new psychiatrist and we made a taper plan. We made a taper plan for 3months. 20-15-10-5-0mg.. Well we did the 3month plan but with different dosages. (I didn't tell him I started it for depression but I was on it for anxiety disorder. I also said I was on it for 7years and not almost 9years. To be honest, I was scared he wouldn't help me if I told him exactly why)... I had to take 1 Trazodone one night to finally sleep after a week of no sleep. I used that to restore my sleep schedule. I do not take Trazadone. I had withdrawals/side effects all the way from 20mg to 0mg. Most common symptoms were insomnia and anxiety. Here is a list of other symptoms: Fatigue, dizziness, nausea, muscle twitches, itching, dry eyes (went to an ophthalmologist twice for this one), depression, dry mouth, chest pains, dry itchy throat, mucus in chest and throat. I have been off it for a 5 week now. Now I have constant anxiety.. it is very hard to focus at work without taking a smoke break every hour. I am worried that I smoke way too many cigs now. about 15 a day... I cannot help it at all due to fatigue, stress, and the constant anxiety. I really want to stop smoking cigs but right now is just impossible to cut down and even stop... I tried vaping but the JUUL makes my eyes hurt and the regular vapes just don't do anything. My parents suggested I stick with regular cigarettes bc my body is used to that... I applied for Medical Marijuana. I received my card about a week ago. Have been using high CBD low THC for a week now but doesn't seem to help much. I am going to continue trying medical CBD to see if that helps after some time. I have 5htp but I am scared to try it. I will be seeing a Chinese Herbal doctor/ acupuncturist tomorrow to see if that help. I take GNC multivitamins and fish oil as I have heard that helps with withdrawals. I use high CBD-low THC tincture morning and night. Also, smoke high CBD weed to help with sleep. I feel better at night and I can go to bed now using weed and Bramhi (ayurvedic medicine) with milk. I am hopeless as I don't know what to do... Should I try to reinstate on a lower dosage? Should I go on another AD and try to stabilize on that and work on quitting smoking cigs again? Any advice and or suggestions, please? Thank you, -Cloud23
  21. MRothbard

    MRothbard: Intro

    Hi Everyone, I've been on and off these drugs for about 7 years. I had almost quit them for good when after taking steroids for an ear infection anxiety returned with a vengeance. This was september 2014. I cut my Lexaprop dose in half about a month ago and seem to be doing fine with it.I'm now taking 10mg of Lexapro and 30mg of Mirtazipine. About a month ago I was feeling sleepy and unmotivated all the time and started drinking coffee again, and then alcohol in the evening. I also thought I could handle cutting the Mirtazipine in half too. Nope. Anxiety and intrusive thoughts big time. ​I've since gone back to my 30 mg dose or Mirt. Quit coffee and alcohol altogether. Eventually I'd like to be off these things but now is probably not the time to start tapering. I'd like to be more stable first. I'm on this forum to get advice on how to do that when the time comes and also to help however I can. Thank you.
  22. Hey there, So it's taken me awhile to work up the courage to share my story. My journey with SSRI's began when I was 9 years old. In hindsight, I think it was a combination of being on a string of antibiotics (with everything we know about the gut/mind connection now) and living in a hugely dysfunctional family (i'm an empath/highly sensitive and tend to feel the emotions of others) that started my "depressive" symptoms. I also had a depressed mother (since giving birth to me) and she too was on Prozac so it only made sense to put me on it as well I guess? the medicating of young children never ceases to amaze me. I developed no appetite, because Prozac is way stimulating to a 9 year old brain and then they started saying I was anorexic. I was hospitalized and medicated some more, but did everything the doctors said so that I could get out and go back to the dysfunction of my family life. Around age 10 I started to wean myself off of the Prozac. I did this without my mom's knowledge and started hiding the pills in my mouth. I knew at that age that the drug did not make my body feel good. Yet I believed this crazy idea that my brain was broken and I was weird. Fast forward through my parent's divorce at age 11, me starting to experiment with drugs and alcohol at age 14…i was still a good kid, didn't get into trouble made good grades, but never felt normal in terms of my emotions. I moved away at 18 to a different city for college and was going through a stressful transition. I got back on an ssri at the age of 18 (zoloft 50mg) and remained on it for approximately 6 years at that dose. in graduate school i switched to prozac 20 mg and stayed on that for 5 more years, then switched to prozac 40 mg. I got pregnant at age 28 and reduced my dose to 20 mg during pregnancy. I really wanted to breastfeed and slowly tapered off by a few weeks postpartum. obviously going through ssri withdrawals during the postpartum period I ended up starting lexapro 10 mg and have been on it for the past 3 years. in 2013 I had what I consider to be a spiritual awakening (based on a decade long yoga practice and practicing other forms of spiritual healing methods) and realized that the drugs actually made me feel anxious and not inside my body. i was also turned onto the renegade psychiatrist books (such as Peter Breggin) and my eyes were opened completely to the dangers of ssri. I should add that I have been working in the mental health field for about 10 years now. so the plot thickens. at one point I worked briefly for an inpatient psychiatry facility that tested new psychotropic drugs coming to market, so I have seen first hand how the drug companies "do" research. In september 2013, I began a 10% taper of the 10mg of lexapro. my goal was initially to do 10% a month but there were some reductions that I stayed at a dose for longer…now in september of 2014 I am at 2.5mg. I have noticed predictable mood symptoms each time I reduce the dose. first a bit of hypomania (nothing that gets me in trouble), then a few weeks of heightened anxiety, then a leveling out where I feel much better and actually feel at home in my body and way less anxiety. my most recent reduction to 2.5 brought 2 weeks of super intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders. i'm a pretty active person and to have that amount of pain felt a bit debilitating. I began supplementing with SAM-E, did a lot of acupuncture and am feeling a lot less pain this week. have had more anxiety than in previous reductions, but i also had to go a little more than 10% (closer to 12) due to it getting really challenging to slice the 5mg tab. I am going to check into making my own oral solution…have a prescription for the liquid lexapro, but it is close to $200 and I'm still trying to figure out if it is gluten free. does anyone know? THANK YOU all for reading this and supporting me. it means the world to finally tell my story. most of my friends and family have no idea I've been on antidepressants for 15+ years, that I was medicated as a child, or that I'm currently withdrawing, so it feels like such a relief to just get it out there. and to know that y'all understand. this withdrawal process is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. It has been like peeling back layers of myself, my humanity, my personality and not knowing exactly what is me, what is the drug withdrawal, and what is normal. but all in all I feel so much better, so much more alive, and more engaged with life. it's just been rocky getting there.
  23. Hi All, Yet another member of the OMG SSRI's I thought they were supposed to help me - club. My story. My mother is a schizophrenic - maybe related, maybe not, not sure. In my early 20's I struggled with fairly deep depression with anxiety - no specific reason or cause - again, I think it MIGHT have been inherited something from my mother. Got through that after a few years with help of good diet, reading a lot of self-help books, and finally travel. Had a fantastic childhood, always on the go. Deep interest in technology and IT. Moved from Australia to UK to travel and see world. Met loveliest lady in Victoria in 3 months! Instantly knew we were right. Happy. Never really was a "depressive" personality, fairly introverted and normally interested in lots of things. had some mood dips, took St Johns Wort occassionally - not sure if it did much, but low moods NEVER last long for me. I'd always bounce back. But nothing major. Anyway - flashforward to about 2008. In a job in IT. Had an extremely stressful situation build and build - sought help internally in the company - wasn't really helped much. Finally my wife got me to goto her regular GP doc. She signed me off for 1 month of work, gave me some of tranquilizer which I didn't like at all, and 10mg of Lexapro. She said I might feel MORE anxious starting Lexapro - I was a bit sceptical... but went along with it. Work situation was sorted out, went back to work. Was ok. Wasn't nearly as interested though, felt less "sharp" and less switched on. Thought it was that I was just over the job. After approx 18 months (I really didn't take notice of a lot of the dates back then) I thought right lets stop the tablets. Took 5mg for 2 weeks and stopped. Started getting the brain zaps - they weren't THAT bad, thougth they were weird and interesting more than anything else. What got me was the intense muscle aches and crippling depression and extreme confusion and brain fog. After a few days of suffering with this and being very irritable, my wife said "For god sake, take your med!!" So I swallowed that 10mg tablet and a few hours later, started to feel more human again. Thats when I was like omg I'm stuck on these things. Went to see the doc who put me on them, and she completely dismissed me saying they're not addictive. I didn't see her again, got repeats from other doctors who seemed to understand the situation a bit better. I went on my merry way thinking, I'll deal with coming off them another time - later when things are better. Fast forward a few more years, in 2 newer jobs - again, struggling mentally to learn new things and retain things, and "care" about the job. Started to get dizzy spells - 5-10 seconds, tingling in feet, and growing apathy, slowly losing more and more interest in hobbies and interests, really having to push myself. Felt like I was in a rut... just felt "off", not myself, and constantly like I'm about to come down with the flu or something. Was it my teeth? Something wasn't right. Just notched it up to being in a rut, and "getting older"... not sure why I thought that, but thats how I rationalized it. I started getting SORT of brain zaps, even though I was taking my meds daily. I was doing half of a 20mg tablet for years to save costs (the 20mg cost same as 10mg here in AUS). Eventually something clicked in my brain that I wasn't feeling right, starting googling my symptoms and eventually found people on SSRI's having similar - came to various sites like survivingantidepressants and paxilprogress etc etc etc, and there were literally 10,000's of people in the same boat. Finally an answer! I still couldn't quite work out exactly what was going on with me though. As I felt bad on 10mg, the thought of DROPPING in dose scared me - and I did something very very silly (in hindsight).... and took myself upto 20mg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I know. I started to feel better, but my brain was still "drugged", but I was feeling as if my brain was getting oxygen. I stayed there for about 2-3 weeks, and went down to 15mg - getting quite strong waves of anxiety, but it was still better than the "nothing" I'd been feeling... also got a little "high" with a fair bit of energy - and "windows" of very clear thinking... they didn't last very long though. My aim was to "kick-start my brain" and get back to 10mg to then start tapering properly. I jumped to 20mg in around sept or oct 2014, then 3 weeks later to 15mg. when I got back to 10mg I started getting waves of muscle aches (to me that is the WORST withdrawal symptom - I literally cannot stand that feeling of deep pain in my body - same when I get the flu too). Was taking some codeine and ibuprofen to take edge off, as well as a mouthful of Omega 3, Magnesium, NAC, and Choline supplements - as well as a multivitamin. Overall, I didn't feel TOO bad, some dizziness, whooshy feelings, lightheaded, some concentration issues etc, but nothing I couldn't push through. But I was having some waves of being interested again - which I loved... although I could STILL "feel" the Lexpro suppressing my emotions and perception ability, like things don't really penetrate, like you have cotton wool around you. Anyway - I felt "stable" on 10mg again... and dropped to 7.5mg.... I was at that for about 4 weeks. I was hoping to feel stable on it, but the muscle aches kept coming and going, seeming to get a bit worse with each wave, then I started to get waves of depression along with it, each "wave" seemed to be worse than the last. After 4 weeks I thought I would be over the worst of it, and I als thought I'd be stable for Xmas time with the family. WRONG! I got good news about a new job - and was able to quit current job quickly - and spend 2 weeks at home. Great. wrong. Crashed BIG TIME, on couch - could barely move, felt incredibly depressed, felt like lead in my arms and legs, and couldn't get off couch. ARGH - not now!!! went back to 10mg tablet - started to feel a bit of relief.. but it now seems after 1 week of being on 10mg that the symptoms are getting to me aghain - slowly building muscle aches and depression... So the reason I'm here - I can't seem to get to a stable dose again... so do I need to go UP to 15mg to get "stable" and taper slowly from there? I'm really confused as to what I need to do now. I've got a bottle of liquid Lexapro, although it is 10mg /1ml which is very potent. I've got an oral syringe to help measure out the doses. But I really don't know what I should do now. Any advice??
  24. This is my first time posting in a forum because my psychiatrist told me three months is generally the end of withdrawal symptoms, especially when you were on a low dose like I was. Yet I'm still having bad symptoms. I was on Lexapro for about 15 months at 5mg with one month trying 10mg only to drop back down because of bad side effects. Now after nearly four months off the main thing I have is severe anxiety around my period. Two-three days before and lasting through the week after. I get shaky, anxious, panicky, have pressure and pain in my head and face, sore throat. Is this a normal reaction? It seems extreme for four months off of only 5mg, but since I couldn't up to 10mg maybe I'm more sensitive to this type of med? I know this can't last forever but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I'm literally incapacitated for almost two weeks per month.
  25. Good Day, I wish I could say that my withdrawal symptoms from quitting Lexapro are the worst, but quitting Xanax takes that title. I have been off Xanax for two years and six months. The first day was the worst, the first year was the worst, and I am not feeling any Xanax issues now except waking up in a cold sweat every night since 2014. Anyway, I have not looked back or taken Xanax ever again. During that entire ordeal, I was still on Lexapro. I didn't quit it also because I didn't want to do too much at once. I finally quit Lexapro on the 25th of Dec 2016. Side note: To help me quit Xanax, I was put on Seroquel and Neurontin at rehab, and I gained 20kgs in 6 months which I am still trying to lose. I have lost half of it, but for some reason, my metabolism is no longer the same. I can't lose weight after rehab. I quit Seroquel cold turkey and tapered off Nuerontin. I took it for about six months and stopped when the weight piled on. Back to why I am here: The first month after quitting Lexapro was alright. Just brain zaps and nothing else really. I thought, "Wow! Quitting these antidepressants is very easy! I should have done it earlier." I was basing my experience on Xanax, which is harder at the beginning and easier with time. I didn't expect things to begin falling apart later, and boy are they falling apart. Month two drug free was also not too bad, but it was filled with episodes of sadness. Month three became worse than month two, and I felt withdrawn and my lust for life started disappearing again. Month four was worse than month three and I felt myself losing more joy, being darker than I have ever been. Month five, my current situation, is a hot mess! My anxiety is back, my depression is back, and actually they are back and worse than ever. My obsessive thoughts are back. Oh, and my sexual urges are back, after years of thinking that I might be asexual. The problem is, my sexual urges are disconnected from my emotions, so as horny as I am, I still don't feel like having sex with my husband, and the whole thing is making me panic for several reasons. My insomnia is back. I am weepy and frustrated. My pessimism is back. I hate life right now. My face is braking out and for this last week, I have been unable to eat so I also feel awful due to that, I am sure. I could go on for days about how awful I feel right now. I have not left bed for a week! I have made music though. Actually, I started having the urge and will to create music around month 3 of quitting. Before that, I though I would never make music again. So, there are pros and cons to this quitting, more cons than pros though, currently. I was thinking of going back on Lexapro when I happened on this website. I have now changed my mind. I thought I was just getting worse and worse until I end up committing suicide, however from the posts I have read, it gets better apparently, and none of my torture is unusual. I was suppose to start a family this year but now I have doubts. I would wait a year but I am 35 in three months so... I am taking, and have been for over a year, Magnesium (a high dose), Iron Fumarate (I have severe anemia), Vitamin C (a very high dose), Probiotics, L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex and Vitamin B12 on top, 5HTP and Valerian, camomile tea when I have the strength to make it. Mood: Very Blue. Like in the pic.
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