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  1. Hi, (this might be long, triggering, depressing or anxiety provoking, self loathing and more just wanted to give a heads up) I have not been in a good mental place since a young age but has got worse over time. I finished school and started to decline, still trying but eventually I guess I either succumbed or gave up, or maybe it was inevitable, but I pretty much became housebound ever since. It is not agoraphobia in the sense. I can and do leave the house, but it is rare and maybe 10mins a day. Main reason is Social anxiety, depression and just awful self esteem. I don't want to self loathe, I know people have it much worse and still fight day to day. I respect that honestly. So on to medication, I have been on 5 SSRI's, 2 TCA's, 2 SNRI, 2 MAOI. These are the only prescribed drugs I've been on. Without going into each specific one most of them have done little. Some did help. but I was young, came off them and didn't realise till months later they were helping. I have made a mess of my medication history for not sticking to all of them long enough or at high enough doses or taking them for granted when a few may have helped. I had the most success with MAOI, Nardil. I was on it for 6 months, it was not a cure but it has been the best thing I have tried. Motivated, less depressed, slightly less anxiety. Unfortunately it felt like it was becoming less effective (or so I thought) and the GP did blood tests and it raised my live enzymes to dangerous levels, so he said either reduce dose or come off. I did, quite quickly and although my original symptoms returned, I did not have withdrawal symptoms or discontinuation syndrome. I am grateful for that. Decided to try another MAOI Moclobemide. Psych said it is weaker than Nardil and does not reach as broad or deeply on neurotransmitters as Nardil does, so might not be potent enough I but gave it a shot. it is known to be one of the least toxic AD's, decent side effect profile etc despite it being a MAOI. There really is not a lot of bad information to find on it online. Most information you get is that is was like a sugar pill or incredibly weak I begin taking the Moclobemide. Start on the smallest dose. first few days are fine, no sides. A week in I began feeling pretty numb. I'm also not surrounded by people or responsibilities like working, but I'm feeling pretty bad. I just accept its initial feeling and try to power through. It doesn't change and I begin to feel worse, more numb, just bad. Again I told myself I need to give it more time, but it comes to a point that you cannot. Too much. So after thinking a lot, I decide I need off. I stopped the medication cold turkey. I thought its low dose, only been 14 days and its a med that is deemed 'mild' . So that was my reasoning. towards the end and the 7 days its been since stopping (feels like a month) well I don't know, I want to say hell but that could mean anything to anyone its so relative. Lets just say I feel like I'm in a constant bad trip but without the hallucinations. All I can think about is death. Not wanting to die, but how everything is an illusion. Any sense of meaning, joy, love, pain means nothing. Its not even real. Once I die, its all over. All I can think about is this 24/7. I'm crying most hours of the day. I feel like I've opened Pandora's box or been unplugged from the Matrix and the reality is living hell. I want to go back but I cant. I have spoken to the GP . All they said is we can book you in to see your Psych and start therapy in 2 months. That is a long time. I understand resources are finite and I am not priority, but still... I have a small bit of hope that this is not permanent, its just meds, it will go away. I'm not even sure it is, I feel it has unlocked some deep existential depression and I cant put it back. I do not feel suicidal, although if it does get worse and I keep thinking/feeling like this I don't see how it wont end in death. And if it doesn't, everything eventually ends in death anyway so it would just be a delay or temp fix if things got better...this is my way of thinking now. I think about my family and their death, how they will have never existed, how memory ceases to exist, growing old and decaying. All the time. Every hour, when I distract myself it still at the forefront. it is like a demon is my mind and it has decided it wants to stay. I thought my depression was bad before and not leaving the house & having no life was bad. But this seems to be on a whole differently level, like something humans are not meant to even think about or experience. All of this from Moclobemide, low dose, 2 weeks. It just goes to show how everybody reacts differently and how complex the interaction of biology is with chemicals. I went cold turkey on the highest dose Paxil and felt nothing ( and I know many have suffered with Paxil withdrawals, very badly). It is a weird feeling that you are slowly seeping into insanity but being aware of it at the same time but being not able to stop it. I hope to give an update on this in time. I wish everyone well and thank you for taking the time to read this.
  2. Hi everyone, I just tired to write an intro but it was awful and getting worse so I'm starting over. I took Nardil/phenelzine 60mg for very close to a year. It worked better than anything else ever has for my depression, but eventually the side effects finally became intolerable and I decided to get off of it. The medical literature says you can just stop taking it. My Dr and I decided instead to taper. The initial tapering attempt was to reduce dosage by half for a couple of weeks, then another half and finally nothing. I made it 3 days on the 30mg dose before I had to go right back up to 60mg because of how badly I reacted to the reduction. Because of some things happening in my RL I had to put off the next taper attempt for a couple of months. I moved across the state and was in my new home a month before I tried to taper again. This time the plan was to reduce by 15mg every 2 weeks until I was off of it. (This medication comes in 15mg pills and I was taking 4 to get the 60mg.) So I went down to 45mg for two weeks. The day before I was to reduce dosage again, I had my monthly phone consultation with my doctor (who lives in the town where I used to live until recently.) The two weeks had not been at all enough for me to level out at the 45mg dosage so we decided I would stay at 45mg for at least another week. By the end of that 3rd week at 45mg I was not better and not even improving. I reasoned that, if I was going to feel this awful for the whole taper, I might as well go cold turkey and tough it out for 14 days until that Dr could put me on something else. With Dr's permission, that's what I did, I stopped taking it entirely. On the 8th day of pure hell and complete dysfunction, I found out about antidepressant withdrawal symptoms and syndrome and I found this website. After reading a bunch on here yesterday (day 8), I called Dr again to get permission to go back to taking 15mg in hopes that it would help the symptoms I'm going through. So I took 15mg yesterday and today. So far I'm not better and I'm not sure how long I should give it before considering raising the dose again if I don't improve. I really don't want to go back up any higher but then I didn't want to take the 15mg either. But I can't continue like this indefinitely. It was hard enough trying to get through 2 weeks of it, in fact I couldn't do it. I'll go back up on the dose if I have to, and I'll stay there until I can start the 10% taper plan. I know I'm supposed to put a signature of info but I can't think straight enough to do that right now. It's been really difficult just to make this intro make sense as it is.
  3. Hi guys, I'm a 24 year old french guy suffering from what I believe to be PSSD. Here's my story: Late 2012 - I was diagnosed with depression and went on citalopram for 1 month, followed by Cymbalta for 1 month. The meds slightly numbed my penis, even after discontinuation. 2013 - I went on different meds that made no impact on my depression nor sex drive, as they don't target serotonin (Abilify, Valdoxan, Solian, Wellbutrin, Lamictal). Only spent a handful of weeks on any given one of these. My penis was still slightly numbed by mid-2013, from the initial S(N)RIs. I then took an old MAOI antidepressant called Marsilid(Iproniazid) for around 4 months. The numbness in my penis got noticeably worse. I still had a libido but orgasms were very weak, it was harder to maintain an erection. I decided to quit psychiatric meds in december 2013. April 2014 - the penile numbness was still there and orgasms were still weak, no sign of improvement. ENTER THE THYROID MEDS. I took some thyroid meds (Armour thyroid) without a doctor's consent to see if it would help with my depression, although I had no thyroid problem. Looking back it was stupid, but I was depressed and desperate, plus I had read somewhere that T3 hormones were sometimes given as treatment for depression.That's when my libido took a massive dive, along with my ability to achieve erections, feel pleasure in life, and focus on mental tasks. I only stayed 6 weeks on the thyroid pills. Since discontinuation of everything around 18 months ago, the PSSD hasn't gotten better. I had to drop out of a prestigious university program because of my lack of an ability to focus on mentally-demanding tasks 9 months ago. I used to be an intelligent student with a great memory, but now I feel dumbed down. Paying attention to what people say during a conversation has become a little challenge in itself. Dropping out was devastating for my self-esteem. Concerning the sexual SEs, I am unable to be turned on by naked women like I used to be. I require heavy physical stimulation to even start feeling a little tingle of pleasure. Orgasms are pleasureless, and I've lost all ejaculatory strength. The semen just seems to slowly come out and dribble nowadays, whereas it used to to be propelled with great strength before. The numbness is crazy - I have a harder time even just feeling my own urine flowing inside my penis when I take a leak. Concerning erections, I am unable to keep them up during sex. As for pleasure in life in general, it's like it has been turned down. Watching movies used to make me thrilled, but now I no longer feel any sense of amazement during cool action sequences. Music doesn't move me like it used to. The touch of a woman no longer excites me, as if my skin had become less sensitive. I saw some PSSD posters on some website mentioning their skin felt like "rubber" and I think I get the feeling. I did some blood tests to see if my hormones (thyroid, testosterone, DHEA, and other stuff) were out of balance, but the results came back just fine. My theory is that the serotonergic side of the thyroid meds, on top of the previous SSRIs and MAOI screwed something in my brain, and I will need time to recover. I've seen a couple hormone specialists that have told me that thyroid meds don't bring these nasty effects on their own, and whatever effect they bring should disappear upon treatment discontinuation. I saw the Admin Altostrata mentioning time and time again that experimenting with meds to cure PSSD was dangerous and could potentially make matters worse, so I'll stick to taking nothing. Plus, the fact that thyroid meds made me a lot worse can serve as an example to illustrate the argument. Anyways, the past is the past. I hope I will get better, and will post every once in a while to update my progress (or lack thereof).
  4. My name is Chris. Long time lurker, first time poster.. I am currently tapering off of Nardil after 3 years of use. This may make my story a bit unique as it is an old MAOI antidepressant which is not used very often these days. However, my path to Nardil was littered with various SSRI's, Tricyclics, and other psych meds. As rare as MAOIs are, I was still hoping to find some guidance or experiences related to MAOI withdrawal. I'm bummed how little information is here or anywhere on the internet. I attempted to taper off of Nardli last summer going from 45mg to 0mg in about 3 months. I felt this was a slow enough taper considering it was much slower than the nonsensical tapering schedules most doc's suggest. However, compared to the 10% taper suggested here it was pretty quick. I made it about 2 months before going back on Nardil when I started having panic attacks on a regular basis. Back in April, after being completely fed up with the Nardil side effects, I decided to try again. My original plan was to taper off the Nardil and back on to a newer class AD. Although I never really liked the SSRIs/SNRsI, their favorable side effect profiles vs the MAOIs was tempting. However, in the last month or so I have decided that I want to make another run at getting off these meds for good. This time around my taper has been even faster than the last attempt. The only reason for this is because my plan was to get off the Nardil and onto something different. I have gone from 45mg to 5mg in just over 2 months. Things were going alright until the last couple of weeks. My moods have been all over the place. I'll be feeling pretty good for a few hours, and then I'll be super depressed and anxious, verging on panic attacks. That brings us to today... I have decided to reinstate my Nardil at a higher dose and then follow the 10% formula here every 2-4 weeks. I am going to bump up to 1 pill a day (15mg) and see how I feel. If I'm still struggling I will go up some more until I feel stable and then start the 10% taper plan. I am fortunate enough to have a Psychiatrist who is both honest and aware of the major problems with the psychiatric/pharmaceutical industry. She's no expert on AD withdrawal, but shes very wiling to work with me as I go through this. I also have been sober from drugs/alcohol for 8 years and am very involved in the recovery community. This community will be an invaluable support group during this journey. I look forward to meeting you all and am greatly appreciative of any suggestions or guidance you can give! Note: I am also on Gabapentin 1000mg a day. This is a whole other nightmare. I was originally given it as a "safe" anxiety medication when I first got sober 8 years ago. I have become completely dependent on it and have to take it 3x a day or will start having withdrawals within a couple hours of missing my dose. Like most of these meds, it can be extremely difficult to stop and has it's own miserable withdrawal symptoms. I dream to one day be free from it, but I can only work on one thing at a time.
  5. Dear sir/madam, I'm 50. Since childhood I suffered from symptoms of ocd, axiety, intrusive thoughts. In 1987, age 20, I was diagnosed and given clomipramine after experiencing acute panic attack, since then I switched to many other trycyclics along with bezodiezepines. In 1988 I was treated with ECT as well. In 1991 I was given fluoxetine along with clomipramine and dexfenfluramine(isomeride)plus cognitive behavioural therapy(exposer therapy), for a couple of months I was also given phenelzine(Maoi) in 1996, symptoms and disturbance hardly improved, bouts of panic attack returned after every couple of years. In 1997 I was prescribed with sertraline, I must say however that since then panic attacks have hardly returned and felt life better, compulsive behaviour and anxiety subsided but intrusive thoughts remained. However I would like to admit this as a partial recovery. 20 years since I would like to wean from the medication but afraid that panic attack could return because once it happened. On the other hand I also read in the web that a refractory depression or ocd could be treated with supratherapeutic medication to bring better result, that is to say that, to add extra or double the amount of doses than normaly recomended. I'm now on 100mg sertraline which was incleased from 50mg about a two months ago. I have also read about serteraline associated hepatotoxicity and mitochondrial impairment may play an important role in liver injury induced by sertraline. Though 20 years on sertraline I have been tested negative for all the abnormal parameters for lever function from the periodical lever function blood test. My concern is also that if I'm given a supratherapeutic medication with sertraline: say from maximum recomended dose of 200mg to gradually 400mg/day could my normal parameters for lever function go abnormal? or could there be any alternative to treat my refractory ocd? ? looking forward to have your say. Thanks for reading.
  6. I am 66 yrs old. I had TMS treatments Dec 2015 due to an upcoming elective knee surgery and the hospital/anathesiologist would not do the surgery while on Nardil due to possible drug interactions. After 35 TMS treatments I started tapering following my doctor's taper schedule of reducing 1/2 pill (7.5 mg) every 5-7 days. I stopped it Feb 10, 2016. My long term dose was alternating 30mg w 37.5 mg every other day. According to this site I tapered way too quickly but my psychiatrist says the taper was not rushed. It's been an ordeal. I did not know that I would experience all of these side effects of stopping this med. I had been on it for 27 years bc trying SSRIs and Tricyclic meds made me much worse and the Nardil treated my panic and depression in a very effective smooth way! After a few months of starting them they blocked the panic and helped my depression . I hated the food restrictions and was always fearful of drug interactions i.e. due to emergencies, sudden illnesses, risks of ignorant or negligent medical care etc. After stopping Nardil the emotional roller coaster started!! Anxiety, depression, irritability, no motivation, even non stop runny nose the first few weeks! All of these moods come and go in 3-7 day cycles. My dr says my body's nervous system has to adjust to being w/o Nardil after 27 years. He says it will get better but could take a long time - even a year!! My life is totally unpredictable. Everyday is not terrible but more bad ones than good ones! I have no motivation at home, don't cook, etc. Just barely get laundry done and bills paid. My dr suggests me finding new activities/hobbies to get my mind off how I feel but it's hard to find new things when I'm not motivated. He says to learn how to not be depressed but how can I do that on days I'm depressed?? My knee got better and did not have to have the surgery so now I've gone thru all of this for really no reason. I keep asking myself, "WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY DO I WANT TO SPEND A YEAR OR MORE OF MY LIFE GOING THRU THIS? WHY DON'T I JUST THROW IN THE TOWEL AND GO BACK ON THE NARDIL??" HELP!! I thought the TMS would be an alternative treatment from the constant worry of food and drug fear of the Nardil but no one told me what going off the Nardil would be like. Thanks for listening. P.S. Seems like people who slow taper their AD still suffer with same results so why go back to med and then slow taper to start back over the same process? My goal was the tms would substitute for Nardil in treating depression but due to the withdrawal stuff I'm not sure it is worth it. Thanks again for any info or positive feedback. I just can't handle scary fearful events right now.
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