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  1. NotGettingBy

    NotGettingBy- Intro

    Hey Everyone, First time on the site. Was looking around on the internet about what I'm going through because I'm lost as can be. And I feel so damn alone going through it. So I created an account. My abridged story is as follows: You can see the drug history in my signature I believe. I went cold turkey off of Cymbalta on July 1, 2015. So a little over three months ago now. I am positive the last three months have been the worst of my life. Every day has been a battle and nothing seems to have gotten better. I read somewhere about the waves and windows concept and so far it has been one gigantic wave. The symptoms started with vertigo, intestinal problems, lack of hunger for anything but sweets, constant panic level anxiety. My memory feels as though it has been wiped clean. I can hardly remember any details from the significant events of my past. I cannot remember names, locations, or even full events that I experienced. I am constantly scared. I never want to leave my room. I fear going to work and interacting with anyone. My sex life flatlined about a week after coming off the drugs and has been nonexistent ever since. I have gained about fifteen pounds of fat although I rarely eat real food. It's all junk. I started out very vigilant about my diet, supplements and exercise but it all tapered off because nothing seemed to put a dent in the way I feel. None of my friends know what is going on. My parents know but are across the country and just don't really understand. Right now I'm desperate. I have involuntary thoughts of death all the time. Images of me dying are just forced into my brain like its looking for some sort of alleviation for the pain. At this point it is only involuntary. I do not wish to hurt myself nor to die. It just sounds relieving is all. I really do not wish to go back on the drugs. I believe three months means I should be over the initial physical withdrawal and I do not want to go through that aspect again. And I doubt going on anything would really help me in the long run. I guess I just don't know what to do from here. Sometimes I want to quit my job, leave my life here and move in back with my parents. But that sounds like it comes with a different set of trials and tribulations. I just want to get better. The complacency caused by crippling anxiety is astounding, however. Apologies if this intro is a bit disjointed. My brain is a little out of commission. I probably left a few important things out but I'll add them if they come to mind. Thank you for any help in advance.
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