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  1. Hey, I want to intodruce myself on this site because I´m suffering a lot from the Paxil withdrawal even though I have not taken Paxil for a very long time. I was prescribed to Paxil in January 2016 because of a Burn Out / Depression. While Cipralex has not taken the huge panic from me when my Depression/Burn Out started my Doctor said we should try Paxil. My mood was very quickly a lot better with the help of Cipralex but the panic was huge. I´ve never experienced a depression in my life so it was very frigthening to feel such a huge impact in such a negative way. Anyways after about 1 Month on Cipralex my doctor decided to switch on Paxil because "he made good experiences" with this drug. I asked him on which dose I should take it whereon he answered that 40mg should be fine. At this time I had no experiences with Antidepressents so I completly trusted his words and I took my first pill. I remember the first day on Paxil I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling and I´ve sweated a lot. There were a few more symptoms but I can´t really remember this time. So after 5 month on 40mg I decided to quit Paxil. (See from my signature) As the symptoms from my depression slowly dissapeared I felt more and more that new symptoms are getting stronger. At this time I thought that I still suffer from my depression and that it will never ever end although I was doing sports at least 3 times a week and going to the psychologist once a week to talk about my problems which really helped me in a way. It´s hard to put my thoughts and epxeriences since 2015 in proper english so I hope you guys can understand me. So in October 2016 I found a german forum for problems with antidepressent and they were very helpful with me and my symptoms. This was the first time someone told me how dangerous Paxil can be and how tremendous the effects to some people on paxil are. They also tried to convince me to taper the drug really slowly off but I thought the earlier my body is clear from this drug the earlier I get my old life back. The impact when I stopped taking Paxil 6 month ago were massive. While tapering it off it was really hard sometimes as well but the time I reached 0mg felt like the hell on earth. I wake up every morning with the feeling I just came out of a night club where I drank a bottle of vodka and snorted 1 g of cocaine. These are the symptoms I suffered the whole time on paxil. Some became stronger the lower I got, some started to fade away and some dissapeared. I copied some from a success story because it is exactly the same hope its okay: Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, lots of preassure in my head, floating head feeling, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, my brain was not able to give the "command" watch left before you cross the street even though I know how to do it ?!, derealization, feeling of never getting healthy again, feeling quite healthy for a few days and then feeling like dying again, intense nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night sweaty with delusions and disorientation, sometimes things seemed to moved very slowly or a street looked like it never ends or I was walking treadmill. As I said some dissapeared but some like the derealization or the dizziness, mood swings, ear buzzing, brain fog and so on are still there. But I´ve the windows and waves which is a good sign, right? I´m writing you because I can´t find something similar in the german forum. Next to the symptoms above I´m suffering a lot from Injuries. Almost every month I have a new injury and today I´m not able to do any sports because of the inflammation of my muscles and tendons. Sport was the only thing besides meditation which helped me to cope with the symptoms. A few days ago I was at my doctor again and we did a full blood analysis. He called me one day later and told me that my blood is totally fine but my CK-Level is very high (1200) normal is ca 200. I called a neurologist which checked me at the same day with a few standard tests. They were all good as well. Last year I checked my thyroid & my brain with MRT everything completely normal. Do you have experiences with injuries during wd? Is it normal to suffer a lot from Paxil even though I´ve taken it only for 1 year? I read that Paxil can cause damage on the immune system? Is this the reason for my injuries? If my immune system is damaged, is it for ever or can it heal like the brain? Best regards, Maggie
  2. Hi I am new to this forum and this is my first post . I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine and 200mg of pregablin , I have been on these mess for about 3 to 4 months . I have just cut my mirtazapine from 30mg to 15mg and in the space of 4 days I have have horrible side effects , anxiety through the roof , shaking , lack of appetite poor sleep crying spells and the general feeling of feeling crap . The reason I have started to withdraw from the mirtazapine is that after 3 months I feel no benefit only get awfull side effects . No help with my anxiety and depression if anything it's made me more depressed . I have gone through withdrawing from Effexor and that was really tough , however just the drop for a few days of the mirtazapine has left me crushed , my doctor told me that mirtazapine was a easy drug to withdraw from , but after 4 days it has left me house bound . Has anyone got any idea on how I get through this or any experience in mirtazapine withdrawals
  3. Hello to all. I cannot write much or often due to tardive dyskinesia (or dystonia?) of my right eye, arm, neck, tongue and face. Reading, writing and using my phone, tablet and desktop exacerbate this condition. However, I would like to add my voice here and say two things that I feel are important: 1. You will in all likelihood get better - much better, and 2. If a moderator suggests that you reinstate, please read the horror stories of those of us who did not have that chance before you decide that you "do not want to go "backwards."" I believe I developed serious side effects in 2005 or 2006 including dyskinesia, but I did not know that the drugs could cause that. Before that, I developed anxiety in 2002 or earlier which I did not have to any appreciable degree before taking Celexa. I sit here now in disbelief that I suffered from increasing anxiety for 9 years on Celexa (and 5 years on Zoloft), and the doctors simply raised the dose, not by a little, but by 50 percent each time for Celexa. I also realize now that I developed dystonia in my feet and toes and my chest and neck, but I had no idea what it was, and doctors' appointments resulted in no doctor suggesting the medication could be the culprit. I didn't even know the terms dyskinesia or dystonia. No one mentioned them either. In 2011 I gave birth to a girl. That very night, the OB at the hospital switched me from Celexa 150 mg to Zoloft 10 mg with no cross taper, no advice and no warning of the Hell I was about to endure. After many nights with no sleep due to this switch I finally started to sleep again. Then, over the next 6 years the doctors kept raising the dose by large amounts despite increasing anxiety and what I now know to be akathesia, dyskinesia, and various other side effects including cognitive decline, increasing OCD, and inability to see reality. I threw more and more amazing parties, and I became a hoarder. Buying things on eBay became my job it seemed. I became obsessed with organizing my home, but it was impossible without a professional to help, and I could not see that. Until my child was about 4 I was functioning, but I thought I was a bad organizer, a bad mother, and a terrible wife. After having had horrendously stressful jobs that I managed pretty well, I could not understand why I was so bad at being a wife and mother with a much less stressful job. Eventually, I showed some signs of serotonin syndrome and mania, but I was probably spellbound by the medication (as Breggin suggests can occur.) I believed I was normal, right about everything, etc., and my husband could not convince me otherwise. I enjoyed all the energy I had and could not understand why almost everything I tried to do did not work. All my projects caused a lot of anxiety for me and my husband, it was nearly impossible to complete any of them, and I would often start a new one whilst struggling to complete a previous project. I could not believe what my husband was saying -- that a professional carpenter, bricklayer, party planner, etcetera would be needed. I began to cut corners or abandon plans in order to complete a project or be ready for a party. I had a great deal of trouble leaving the house by 2015. I could not be prepared for all of the possible disasters while I was out. I had to cancel or be late to many activities. I couldn't keep the house, cook or do laundry or organize clothing, toys, kitchen supplies, etc. I count NOT THINK straight at all. I became unable to socialize well by mid 2015. I stopped working in early 2016. I was not willing to cut corners for work so I stopped altogether intending to start again very soon. I could never do that. I continued to develop dystonia of my foot and toes and my neck and chest on my right side and slightly of my left toes, but, again, I didn't know these terms, I never connected this to Zoloft or Celexa, and I thought I was just not stretching or exercising enough. In late 2016 I decided to stop taking Zoloft. Using Xanax had worked for a few hours for anxiety, but I knew it was addictive. So, I used it only once every 3 days until I realized that after it wore off I became very angry. My child was 5, and I could not bear it if I yelled at her. I decided that discontinuing Zoloft was my only hope. If I micromanaged my child and taught her to feel anxiety over every mistake, I would not be able to live with that. I knew which behaviors were harmful to her even though my personality was utterly changed since I began medication. I could not, however, see how harmful my behavior was to my husband. He had begged me to stop with the projects and the hoarding, but I could not, and I could not see how it harmed him. I did recognize that I was not perceiving reality, and that I needed Xanax to get through all activities that were ordinary or not. I marveled at how other mothers with 2 or 3 children managed so much better than I did, and it worried me that I could not work. Something was very, very wrong and it was very likely to be the Zoloft. I looked up how to stop Zoloft on webmd or maybe a different site, and I checked many others to verify the information on other "reputable sites." All I found were instructions that parroted the quick taper that the pharm cies and doctors knew. I never saw anything about this site or Breggin or any other doctor who was aware of tardive withdrawal, PAWS, etc with regard to SSRIs. So, I made the worst mistake of my life - I "tapered" 150 mg in about 6-8 weeks. I found SA after it was too late to reinstate. I am a person who doesn't trust the pharm cies. I don't feel comfortable with the high number of vaccines for babies and young children. I'm suspicious of the flu vaccine, statins, and, of course, benzos. I try to eat organic food and even if I don't I make sure my child has organic eggs and milk. Despite that predisposed mistrust of pharmacology, I never thought to question a quick taper of Zoloft because I believed it was not "addictive!" I had a honeymoon period for about 5-6 months until August or Sept 2017. I am now medication free for 10 months. It has been HELL a hundred times over. I am still experiencing waves. It's been a few weeks, 2 or 3, since I wanted to die, and all my symptoms are less intense and less frequent except right side bruxism and dyskinesia/dystonia of my face, neck, jaw, chest and eye plus numbness on my right side in my arm, hand, face, nose, eye, jaw, hip, leg, foot and toes. I am no longer living in terror and fear and wishing an accident would take me from this world. I still have cortisol mornings in a wave, and I need to keep my mind occupied at all times, but I am not exhausted and weak all the time. The insomnia I had in Sept and October is gone seemingly for good. There are many other mental and physical symptoms that are gone or are less intense. Thank you for reading and I look forward to meeting each of you. I hope you all recover quickly and take some solace in seeing the progress I have made. Peace, Rosetta
  4. I was on 40 mgs Lexapro. started on 20 mgs then increased over 5 years. Have been on various antidepressants for over 20 years. Seeing a Homeopath and trialing remedies. Told by Psychiatrist reduce 20 mgs a week. Frightened by all withdrawal horror stories. Have to work to pay mortgage. Suffering from discontinuation Syndrome. -suicidal thoughts - brain fog - anxiety - panic attacks -stomach upsets - debilitating lack of concentration - constant fear of living My family are supporting me Dont want to go back on meds but scared this may continue for years. Any advice welcome.
  5. My brain going into dream condition but not into sleep condition every night or day when ever I attempt to sleep I have believed the information about remote neural monitoring in all over internet and browsed internet 2 years heavily which resulted heavy thought process ,doubts and suspicion over near and dear. So I went to a psychiatrist and requested to bring me out of heavy thoughts.He made me use lorazepam for 10 days ,risperidone and trihexyphenidyl combination drug for 30 days.After 30 days my thoughts reduced so I did not go to doctor again.What a mistake ,I was ignorant of how psychiatry medicines work and slow tapering nor my doctor warned me while prescribing an anti psychotic.It is happened in july 2016. From then my brain going into dreams when ever I attempt to sleep.In october 2016 again I went to the same doctor and reported about the condition I am in.He prescribed olanzapine silently.I started using olanzapine ignorantly and innocently.When i was experiencing stomach upset that is when I researched in the internet about risperidone and olanzapine. Now this is june 2017 I have tapered risperidone and olanzapine safely and became drug free safely.But the thing is my brain still into dream condition and not allowing me to sleep when ever i attempt.My querry is what risperidone and trihexyphenidyl and lorazapam [10 days]did to my brain?what chemicals they blocked.Now stopping them cold turkey did what on my brain?what chemical i should take to get my sleep pattern back.?If I wait patiently with time will the brain correct its condition naturally?Any brain researcher please help.
  6. Hi all, I've lurked in the forum for a little while now but thought I'd finally introduce myself to give my bit to the community and hopefully track my progress too. I took citalopram 20mg for 6 months in the first half of 2018 to try to help with symptoms of generalised anxiety. I tapered (in what I now know to be a rather quick fashion) over about 10 weeks and hence have been antidepressant-free since August 2018, one year ago. Luckily, I never really suffered with many of the physical side-effects that many describe here, whilst on the drugs, tapering, and off the drugs. But the biggest thing for me by far has been the sense of blunted emotions, anhedonia and sexual dysfunction that has arisen. I noticed these increase gradually while I was on the meds, and then increase dramatically after coming off. Whilst on the meds and even tapering, my overall experience was mixed - whilst the dulled emotions and sex drive bothered me, my anxiety was definitely reduced and I did have more of a sense of resilience to difficulties. The problems really started once off the meds. I assumed that these side effects would go away once I was off, but they actually got significantly worse. Combined, they have really led to a real sense of having lost who I was. The loss of libido has been particularly upsetting, having had quite a high sex drive previously and sex having played an important part in my life. Almost as bad is the loss of enjoyment in music, which I simply don't experience in quite the same way any more. A phrase that resonated with me a little was that of listening to an orchestra, but with the strings and percussion missing. You hear the music, but it just doesn't quite seem full or right. Emotionally I feel less empathy and love which impacted my relationship. The anxiety has still been numbed, the one small positive. But everything is numb. With regards to my sex drive, it's not at 0%, and I do have windows where things seem better, but they feel so fleeting and hard to grasp onto. And often the more I chase these feelings (via porn, say) the further away they seem. Progress seems so painfully slow and there are definitely low periods where I feel like it's never going to recover. But there are times when I can be aroused somewhat by porn/sex and a few magical times where it seemed like everything was back to normal. Recreational drugs sometimes helped me feel something too, though clearly aren't any sort of long term solution. I have found forums like this a mixed blessing. There is an awful lot of negativity around, from people sadly in a very bad place, who have been suffering for 3/5/7/10 years etc who are convinced that this is permanent, they'll never recover, life isn't worth living etc. In my bad times it can be very easy to follow this line of thinking, look at the timescales involved and fall into despair. Nevertheless the forums have been an invaluable source of information and sometimes inspiration - I tend to try to focus on the success stories and positives rather than wallowing in the tough bits. I can completely understand why most people wouldn't want to hang around here when they feel as if they've recovered - they move on with their lives - and I'm convinced that there is a lot of unreported recovery. People don't stay in the hospital when they are better, as the saying goes. Also however painful and slow, it would just seem very surprising to me if anything like this was really permanent. Brains just don't work like that and they are capable of remarkable healing, given enough time. I've recently been in quite a bad wave, brought on to a large extent by difficulties in a relationship which has now sadly ended in quite a difficult and messy way. Though I feel numbed, the end of the relationship has clearly impacted me and in a sense I guess is manifesting itself in this complete anhedonia (rather than high anxiety, which it might have done pre-meds.) Though I feel horrifically numb and flat at the moment, it's all still a bit recent and I know that I need to give myself some time and a chance to heal from the break-up. Anyway - I'll try to pop back here to post any updates I have or answer any questions from fellow forum members. Variance
  7. Brooke Hi everyone! I'm thrilled to finally be posting here. I've been lurking here and there since 2016, when I first found Surviving Antidepressants when I was considering getting off of the Effexor XR and Wellbutrin XL I'd been taking from age 15-30. Like so may of you, withdrawal was hell on Earth. I experienced everything from homicidal visions to extreme noise sensitivity to rage to a bizarre blood vessel disorder called nodular vasculitis. Combined with the tsunami of pain and trauma that came gushing out after I removed my antidepressant band aid, and I was a barely functioning, terrified mess with no psychiatric support. I was lucky, though, to have some resources outside the traditional mental health system that helped me work through my experience, and today I am proud to say that I consider myself cured of chronic depression haven't taken a prescription drug since 2016. It's taken me until now to actually participate in the forum because I needed to know that I was in a solid place. So much of the internet (I'm looking at you Twitter...) can be a triggering environment, and had to make sure that I could mentally handle it. But I trust in the work I've put in, and I'm ready! I say all this not to boast, but to wave from the distance and do my best to act as an example of success. I know that when I was in withdrawal and working through all the trauma, I would have done anything to know that there were people out there who were thriving after spending half their life on antidepressants. Instead, it felt like I was in uncharted waters. I wrote about this for the Washington Post earlier this year, and the flood of support and stories I got in response was overwhelming and heartbreaking. Anyway, happy to answer any questions, and much love to you all. Brooke
  8. Hi all, I am so glad I found this site. I am dealing with what I now know is ssri withdrawal and this place has given me hope, knowledge, and peace of mind. It’s crazy what these drugs can do. To start, I will give you my story. Looking back, I grew up with low self esteem and emotional issues that I never faced. Through school and going into college, I still managed to adjust well, make friends, and didn’t have especially bad anxiety or anything. In high school and college I abused alcohol frequently, probably due to emotional distress. I never was addicted, but was a binge drinker. In my 2nd year of college, even drinking became stressful and not fun. I began to have a lot of social anxiety, and couldn’t handle any alcohol. Depression started to set in, and I was in denial for a long time. Because of this, I let it get worse, I let people hurt me, and I ended up in the ER because I realized I couldn’t function and was suicidal. There they decided to send me to an outpatient treatment facility, and there my medication history began. I first was given seetraline, then Effexor, neither for longer than a week. The side effects were too much. So the doc deicided to try Prozac with me. That one seemed to have me feeling better, so I stayed on that for the time being. Started at 20mg around May 2017, 40mg for a few months, then 60mg for a long duration. I was only at this outpatient thing for a couple months, then I started seeing a new doctor. She basically just kept giving me the Prozac, and I’d just say I’m fine. I guess I felt fine, but I was more or less a zombie that just went to work and slept. The thing is though that Prozac is what lifted me out of the horrible depression I was in, and helped my anxiety. I thought of it as miraculous. The one thing that made it a lot less miraculous was that I gained nearly 100 pounds in a year! This prompted my doctor to lower my dose to 40mg, which made me realize how much Prozac dulled me out. I felt so much more awake and clear headed, so I figured I should get off the meds totally! It’ll only be good news, or so I thought. So I went down to 20mg a couple months later around November 2018. Afterwards is when withdrawal started to hit. I really noticed it while visiting family for Christmas. I just wasn’t myself. The anxiety was back in full force, and that was enough to hinder my social ability. It sucks to think family members see me like that and don’t know what’s going on, that maybe they just think I’m mentally ill. Oh well. I went down to 10mg in February, and jumped clear off in March. I now know this was far to fast of a taper, but I didn’t know this at the time. My doctor obviously didn’t either, but she probably also thinks Prozac doesn’t give people withdrawals. Once at 10mg I started to have the very sever symptoms. Extreme anxiety, irritability, anger, sensitivity to movement light and sounds, depersonalization, tightness in chest and neck, paranoia, numbness, and headaches (sometimes long lasting). Once I went to 0 they got a little worse for a bit, and it was gradually improved since then. I’ve only been totally off the Prozac for about a month right now. My god has it improved since a month ago! I still wouldn’t say I’m doing well by any means but I at least feel kind of normal. I felt like everybody was staring at me when I went outside or drove around at first (still kind of do sometimes), so much so that I just felt overwhelmed and crazy. I quit my job, not super important since it was just a silly job to pay rent. All I can really say about the symptoms is that they are still there, and it feels like they’ve been gradually receding ever so slowly. I seem to have the windows and waves, but mine have been short, maybe only hour long windows sometimes. I just pray that I will not only feel normal again but find real happiness and relief. I’m currently taking D3 and fish oil daily, nothing else. Does anyone have any advice about those supplements and others I could try? That would be great. I’m also just wondering if my story sounds familiar to anyone and what to expect. But most of all, it’s just nice to get this all out. Feel free to ask me questions!
  9. hello all, i want to write to you about my experience with antidepressants. these drugs were damaging to me. after i quit these drugs( which i knew that i didnt need them at all), i was saying to my doctor that i wasn't bad like that before starting the drugs but he is obliged that this is the anxiety i have, but i sware i havn't like that at all. my problem wasn't with relation to anxiety disorder at all but it is very easy for a psychiatrist to put you on antidepressants, it is much more dangerous than they think. i will be sorry to tell you that i completed the way of weaning off of antidepressants 2 times before that time, and every time i take a long time for some problems to get better like equilibrium but because i think iam not fully ok like first and no doctor can give advice about waiting, i start to think that i cant live without the drugs although they were harmful and what makes it worse is that my problem i was suffering from isn't solved with drugs or without them but because stopping drugs make your nerves and body and mentality in a bad case, you be obliged to start them again and live any way but i cant accept that, i was ok before these poisons and some sessions and information and entertainment could help me with my problem or make it hide. i won't accept to live with half of my power because antidepressants force me to that. iam now weaning off of my last antidepressants use, i write this after about 5.5 months from very rapid taper. suffering from disequilibrium which i think will ned some more time to be ok and very bad depersonalization. iam sorry to tell that when i walk in the street i think plus to depersonalization that i cant see things and people but the good news is that every thing is getting better. i lived the experience it self before but without understanding any thing. i wish i waited before to all the withdrawals to go away and there i would have decided not to be back to antidepressants at all but i will wait this time. my suffer now is feeling my head is numb, cant think logically or form thoughts nor remember in details in addition to the depersonalization but these problems was very very severe at the beginning of weaning off and now a lot better but not totally improved. i think i will be better after a while and this time i will through antidepressants in the rubbish box.
  10. Hi all, Been benefiting tremendously from all your posts, advice, support, strategies and resources since 2015 through my withdrawal. Really in awe of this whole site, the collective brain power, care and dedication of underground (and on the ground) warriors. Thank you. I now know I didn't make it easy on myself with the taper. Not having enough support, knowledge, patience. It pretty much turned my whole world upside down and inside out and provoked a deep spiritual transformation. It will sound familiar that after almost 15 straight years on psych drugs, at 35 (now 39) I started a complete deconstruction of the life I built not just to survive withdrawal but to understand the house of cards that my life had been built on, without having had access to my emotions and without having dealt with my emotional pain during my crucial 20s and early 30s. So my story is the familiar white-knuckling the symptoms, braving the strange new world of emotions and making the necessary changes to life to be healthier and more authentic. Which brings me to today, three years after stopping all drugs. Despite all these gains, I still can't consider my story a success (yet). One big reason is the continued emotional instability, which linked to what I think is iatrogenic hormonal disruption, and possibly chronic unresolving depression. The big problem is continued suicidal ideation, which is present but manageable outside my menstrual cycle (given my history, I understand it has had its place in my coping resources, and I'm addressing that), but then becomes a nearly insurmountable problem for about 2 weeks straight leading up to it (I hate to give the DSM any legitimacy by using the term "PMDD" but I suppose that best describes it.) During this time, it physically feels like my brain is inflamed, my brain is insistently and convincingly suicidal, I lose all motivation, clarity of mind, am profoundly fatigued, chronically tearful, fearful, worried and stuck in my bed for days at a time. Then, like a switch flips as soon as I get my period my brain is much clearer, for two weeks. I don't remember anything like this before the drugs, although I suppose there's a chance this is why I was diagnosed 'bipolar' as a teen. Chicken and egg... I feel pretty desperate about the situation because it feels like despite all the work I've done to heal the wounds of psychiatry on my life, I can't get my life on track. Falling into a pit and out of life for 2 weeks every month makes it impossible for me to set goals, make steps forward in life, hold down a job...which then is a cycle that sets me up for more despair and distress (you get the picture). I know that the grief and tears I have held back for so many years need time to come out, but this has become a real quality of life issue since I can't see any resolution to it. At times I'm pretty hard on myself, thinking about what I'm doing wrong or not able to see in order to help myself out of this situation. It's taken me this long to single out the hormones because while I was dealing with other life issues- repressed emotions from the withdrawal, job loss, identity loss, trauma, homelessness- it was impossible to separate the hormonal cycles from emotional flashbacks and other cptsd symptoms. I know that hormones need time to repair (mine were completely out of whack as soon as I reduced the Lamitrogine. I remember being covered in painful back acne for the first year of my withdrawal and my periods were irregular, inconsistent and painful) but I've really reached a point where I simply don't know how to help myself through this anymore. I'm currently only taking magnesium and vitamin D as supplements. Other than that I'm managing my symptoms with pretty basic self-care- a varied, vegan diet, lots of mindfulness, relaxation, therapy, friends and staying social and active as much as I can, when I can, but as you can imagine, find myself in a pretty disconnected, unstable and isolated situation and feeling like this is not even a 'good enough' quality of life. Any naturopaths, GPs, gynes or others that I've gone to are still recommending SSRIs, birth control pills or very controversial surgeries (hysterectomy) to deal with this. When I told one specialist about the continued depression and dangerous ideation, she crinkled her nose sympathetically and said, 'So sorry, wish I could do something', suggested I see an herbalist and ended the session. She was the final doctor I went to about this. I have a pure stubborn streak in me to which I credit a lot of my survival, but not being able to problem solve this one is causing me nearly to panic, and at the least to be in shock that despite all my efforts I can't see a future beyond living like this, and each episode seeing suicide as a more and more rational decision. I want so much to consider my story a withdrawal success and am so angry that I seem to have come up against this wall. If anyone has ANY insight, perspective, information, hope to offer, I'd deeply appreciate it.
  11. Muddles

    Muddles: desperate

    Hi there! Need a bit of advice. My father passed away Christmas Eve :-( I have been on mirtazapine 15mg for 4 years. Since my father passed I have been experiencing a lot of strange & worrying stuff which I can only explain as withdrawal symptoms from mirtazapine. Depression - severe, insomnia, mind chatter, body buzzing, twitches, jerks of legs/arms, panick attack, anxiety etc. I went to see my doctor as my friends and family are concerned. She wants me to up my dose but am not sure i should do it. Could it make things worse? I feel upping may cause more problems. I felt sooo depressed this morning and slowly withdrawing from everybody...scared! Thanks in advance.
  12. Hi all, I’m absolutely Terrified at the moment so please bear with me. I was started on a low dose of amitriptyline 25 mg for nerve pain that I was having in my teeth. I started having panic attacks almost immediately. My doctor thinking that it was just anxiety continually updated the dose. So from 25 mg I went to 50 mg for two weeks and then 100 mg for three days causing such severe panic attacks that I was having sensory Overload. She immediately took me off and I had a very quick tapering schedule. 50 mg for Three days then 25 mg for three days then 12.5 mg for three days and then I did 6 mg for two days because the anxiety and panic attacks were so severe I couldn’t bear taking it anymore. I’m currently on day 12 of not taking the amitriptyline and withdraw has been nothing short of brutal. Just this week from about day nine I have been having brains zap at night all night That have been causing me to get less than 2 to 3 hours sleep. I am now on day two of having approximately 2 to 3 hours sleep per day. My doctor keeps suggesting that I should take 5 mg of Cipralex to help my brain adjust And To ease the withdrawal symptoms. I seem to have every symptom in the book anxiety panic pounding heart dissociation where I feel like I don’t even belong in my own body or I’m sleepwalking and that things aren’t even real and now more recently the brains zaps difficulty concentrating hot flashes and nausea and insomnia. I can’t keep going on like this although I’m absolutely terrified to start taking the cipralex. I know no one can tell me whether or not I am going to have a reaction or not but I have taken cipralex in the past successfully. And weaned off of it successfully. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know how long this withdrawal symptoms are going to last and I don’t know how long these brain zaps are going to last but I need some sleep and I needed some reprieve from these terrible symptoms. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Total time on Amitriptyline - 50 days including a 1.5 week very fast taper. Withdrawal symptoms started immediately. On day 12 of no amitriptyline. Dose was never stable. 12.5 for two days, 25 for 1 week, 50 for two weeks, 100 mg for 3 days, back down to 50 for 3 days, 25 for 3 days, 12.5 for 3 days, 6 for 3 days. Oh, and I don’t want to start the cipralex but I’m so scared. Things I’m doing- taking supplements and exercising every day. Thank you in advance. Avrgejane
  13. Hello everbody. I have been on BB remeron support group, but they tend to speak mostly benzo concerns. Now i need your help. My story is like that: i have been using prozac until last year with on and offs and i was supposing i had bruxism. In fact, it was ct but i didnt know. Last year in november a pdoc gave me abilify 2.5 mg. I took it for two months and didnt work and quit it. After that i had a bad anx., i tried many ads, but they didnt work. Lastly, i found myself in hospital in May. They gave me brintellix 10 mg, lamictal 100mg, remeron 30 mg. They brought me to the point i couldnt work so i stopped in hospital after 20 days. Then,my world turned into the hell. I lived dp dr,severe head pressure etc. Then, i started to remeron 15 for sleep issues within one month. My intention was starting to 100 day taper, but my buddies on BB said that, you were going too fast, first you should be stable. Then, after reaching to 12 mg, i listened them and now i have been holding it. I decided to go forward with that plan no matter how long it lasts. But, last week i started to take new sxs like nausea, diarrhera, gi issues, heart palps(1 months) which i never took them even in acute phase of my CTs. I think i lost the support from BB and came here to take some support. My anx. is bad and hardly i could go to the work. Every day, i consider to CT because of getting no stabilization. These drugs are terrible. Thank you for responses from now...
  14. Scotty

    Scotty

    Drug History 2002 - Started Zoloft 100mg. Gradually reduced to 50mg, intending to come right off. 2009 - Went back up to 100mg - no ill effects. 2011 - Began slowly reducing again. 2017- Down to 25mg. October 2017- Dose increased to 50mg. I started taking Sertraline 100mg in 2002 because I’d developed panic disorder after a stressful mature-age college course. The medication worked immediately and continued to help me - I was well for 7 years with no anxiety. I gradually reduced to 50mg, but in 2009 went back up to 100mg with no ill effects during a life crisis. In 2011 I determined to come off again and began reducing very slowly with no ill effects. By October 2017 I was down to 25mg. I went to my GP to get a counselling referral. I was quite well with no anxiety, but she advised me to go back up to 50mg to mop up any underlying depression I might have. So I did - one of the worst decisions of my life! Within 24 hours I developed horrible symptoms... terrifying anxiety/dysphoria, palpitations, severe insomnia. I was certain they were caused by the increased dose of sertraline but my GP denied that this was possible ‘on such a small dose’. She said I woud soon adjust. So I stupidly continued to take it for 2 more weeks before another doctor in the practice told me to go back to my normal dose immediately. I was expecting that I would then return to ‘normal’ but I did not - instead I continued to suffer bouts of toxic anxiety as well as the other symptoms. I consulted other GPs and a psychiatrist - all reluctant to link my symptoms to the increased meds and instead going with the ‘pure anxiety’ diagnosis. Recently I found a GP who was willing to listen and referred me to a psychiatrist who tested me positive for clonus and hyperreflexia. He said that on the basis of these together with my other symptoms I definitely have non-acute sertraline syndrome. Although it is unusual, he thought it was triggered by the increased dose of medication in my system. He told me to titrate down fortnightly in 5mg increments using a solution. However when I got down to 15mg last week I soon developed withdrawal symptoms including ataxia, burning, nausea. But then yesterday I started to feel much better - almost normal! So this is my dilemma. I’m told that serotonin syndrome disappears soon after the medication is withdrawn. If that’s the right diagnosis then I should follow the 5mg taper and get off as soon as possible. But if this quicker rate gives me severe withdrawal then I should stick to the much slower 10% monthly regime - thereby possibly prolonging the agony. What to do? Can’t go forward, can’t go back! I’m so confused. I’d appreciate any help the forum can give me.
  15. masa998899 Hello. Im new here and my english is not perfect. My story is 11 years of citalopharm 20mg. I didnt have any information or support on this matter so this is what ive tried to do by myself. 2012 CT That caused me total burnout. After that i started again with 10mg. 2015 i started to smaller the dose by cutting the 10mg pill smaller and smaller by month and i stopped taking it completely after 2017 Ive had two times since then that my anxiety was so high that i got desperate and took 5mg dose only for a single day. My question is, has that set back my recovery? 2020 now and i have all kinds of wd symptoms and trying to keep living day by day. If taking that one 5mg pill means i now have CT should i just roll with it. Been 1 year now since that happened.
  16. I don't know......I am practice posting. At present I am about 5 days off Adderal, 2.5 mg. It feels alot like when I finally came off Lexapro......I was down to 3 mg. and they took me off of it completely in October while I was in the hospital........meanwhile started up on the Adderal and still am on Trileptal 150mg. x2/day. Anyway mostly upper back achiness now.......total demotivation as anything is stressful and am just working for staying calm, fluids, eating, sleep. A conversation by phone once in awhile. Pay the bills. Accept help when I can. So maybe I am somewhat on topic. Not sure I could list all the meds. that I have withdrawn from yet........someday soon. I just wanted to be around people that get it..........and find the hope and strength again. You know.......I believe in God(although a God that accepts my anger sometimes), but even more so in a universal strength to be found in others. Anyway.......thankful for my journey in a way.......especially in those windows I get of clarity and calm.
  17. I'm writing to hopefully get some insight, see if anyone had problems they assumed were WD, but turned out to be something else that once addressed led to noticeable improvement, and see if anyone has symptoms not shared by most others here (i.e. my insane hunger/destroyed cues). Even if you don't read this whole post (long, sorry) answering 2 or 3 would be great! Long story short, I was recovering from anorexia when put on Celexa. My body was unstable then, and the drugs made it worse. A month in I had increased hunger, looser bowel movements, insomnia, etc. Slowly I developed food sensitivities, dairy first, then gluten, and now it seems a whole host of things. Recently went to a gastro, was diagnosed with sibo. Took xifaxan for 2 weeks, saw some really good improvement the first week, then worsened the 2nd. Back to where I started before the antibiotic by now. I'm struggling to determine if the sibo is what has actually caused my food sensitivities, leaky gut, increased hunger, weight gain (really driving me crazy, especially since I worked so hard to gain weight/stay stable after anorexia), etc. or if my gut is just messed up b/c of the meds and sibo is a result, reinforcing the above issues. Part of me doesn't think it's entirely WD, since I don't see many people here with the problems I'm facing. But hunger, etc. problems got to be the worst both times I tapered before, slowly evening out to my state now (not driving me suicidal) which makes me think the sibo/issues are tied to WD (also since the sibo problems seemed to come back immediately after the antibiotic). I'm going crazy trying to figure everything out (between anorexia recovery, celexa side effects, and now WD, I don't know what 'stability' is). Keep messing around with my diet in the meantime, with little success. moderator note: SIBO = small intestine bacterial overgrowth
  18. Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Ichabod: Could somebody help? Benzo problems Hello guys, I am new here. I do apologise in advance for my English (I am italian). I would prefer not to bother you with my personal experience as it is probably similar to many others you got across, but I d need some encouragement because I am alone in this struggle. Briefly... I went on Paroxetine ten years ago for panic attacks. It helped but the side effects were brutal. I tried many times to quit it but I experienced all the withdrawal symptoms that my doctor confused with relapse and that scared me to hell and he always put me back on it. Two years ago I met a girl I felt in love with and I decided to quit it once for all, no matter what (primarily because of the sexual side effects). I asked my doctor to help me and he said to come off of it in a month (like I did the other times). I tried it again but what I felt was overwhelming. So I decided to do it by myself tapering slowly using a liquid form. It took me 7 months of pain but I really didn't know what to do and I couldn't find anybody to help while my doctor continued saying to go back on it. I felt really debilitated but after I finished tapering I noticed I was still in prolonged withdrawal. That was a shock because I was always reassured that once the drug was out of my body I would have been ok. I took my last dose on july 2019. I kept using klonopin as prescribed but I noticed I was really sick. Finally, in january, after a lot of research I found Professor Giovanni Fava who told me that I was in post acute withdrawal syndrome. It was a sort of relief being validated finally but also terrifying. I started researching and what I found out was shocking...people in withdrawal for years, pssd... it was to much. I started thinking about suicide. I was in a really bad place. Giovanni Fava's plan is to help me get rid of all this addiction so he put me on 5mg of amitriptyline in order to stabilize the situation a little bit while tapering klonopin. Then he will take me off amitriptyline . I am writing you in order to ask some encouragement and reassurance because I am completely alone (I have no family) and I don't know how long my girlfriend will stay by my side (she is getting tired of seeing me sick and she would like to plan a future. I don't blame her... plus, sex is pretty bad. I had moments when it was great followed by long periods of time when it was non existent. I don't function like I did and I really don't know if this is pssd or still withdrawal and if I will ever get back to normal). I feel betrayed by the modern medicine... if I knew what could have happened I would have never took Paxil in the first place. I came across this website and decided to write you in order to find some tips on how to go on in life and to ask you if it will ever get better. For sure I developed now sone sort of ptsd. Sorry I bothered and thank you in advance.
  19. Hello Everyone! My name is Tomek, I'm 33 years old and my miserable adventure with antidepressant started 9 years ago in December 2009. My entire history with antidepressants is in my Signature. Suffice to say that I had some experience with withdrawing from many meds especially from SSRI and benzodiazepines. Xanax withdrawal. In 2014 after an accident I was very much addicted to Xanax, taking it every day. During that time I had some very unpleasant incident with this med. On one Sunday I started to feel extremely bad. From very early morning to late night I had many unpleasant symptoms like: extreme sweating (all the time I looked like I've just had a shower), muscle pain, muscle stiffness, tachycardia, extremely dry mouth and problems with my eyesight. I completely stopped taking Xanax at that moment. I was in this terrible state for the next five days. The good thing is that after this incident I practically stopped taking benzos for good. During the last 4 years, I've taken them maybe once per year and even that in very small doses. The bad thing is that since then I still have problems with my eyesight, specifically, my eyes have some strange problem with focusing on objects, like my vision becomes shaky when I try to focus my eyes. To this day I'm still not 100% sure what happened to me. Was it benzo withdrawal like my psychiatrist suggested or something else, for example, serotonin syndrome (I was on Clomipramine and Mirtazapine back then). After this incident for the next 6 months, I had a terrible anxiety almost every day. Anyway, in December 2014 I started taking Paroxetine 30mg (Seroxat) again. Since September 2014 I’m also on Mirtazapine 15mg. From 2015 to 2017 I actually felt pretty well on those meds. Even problems with my eyesight weren't very bothersome, although it never completely healed after the incident with benzos. Paroxetine withdrawal. Finally, at the end of 2017, after 3 years I decided to start withdrawing from those meds. My liver tests weren't very good so that's one of the reasons but not only. My first attempts weren’t really successful as I hesitated between 30mg and 20mg. During January 2018 I went three times between those doses. One of the reasons is that my close friend died during that time. This made me feel very depressed and anxious. I don't know if this was because of changing those doses or because I was very stressed back then but I started to feel physically ill. I was nauseous, weak, I had dizziness and photophobia. After three weeks I started to feel a little better. I decided to tamper the doses very gradually. For two weeks I was reducing from 30mg to 20mg. After that, I stopped reducing and was on 20mg for 2 months. Then again reducing from 20mg to 10mg for 2 weeks. Then 3 months on 10mg and after that reducing to 0mg for 3-4 weeks. I finally stopped taking Paroxetine in August 11th 2018r. Changing the dose slowly from 30mg to 20mg wasn't that bad. However, going from 20mg to 10mg was a whole different story. I had unpleasant brain zaps and was nauseous. The worse part was actually my mental state. I was constantly irritated, even the smallest things could make me feel angry. Never in my life felt something like that. Fortunately, after 2-3 weeks, I started to feel better. Not as good as before changing the dose but I could make through the day without hitting my desk with fists. So somewhere in the middle of July, I decided to finally go for it and try to reduce my dose to 0mg. During it, my photophobia and afterimages increased. On August 11th, 2018 was the first day since more than 3 years that I finally survived the day without Paroxetine. Since then I'm depressed almost every day, especially in the mornings, a few times I had panic attacks during the night and couldn't sleep. I'm still on Mirtazapine so that helped me with sleeping. Then fun fact though is that without Paro I managed to finally go on vacation after 5 years ;-). In the past, I always felt too lazy to go somewhere. Mirtazapine withdrawal. My next plan was to withdraw from Mirtazapine. I started reducing doses from 15 mg to something like 11mg at the end of September. At the end of October, I was on 7.5 mg for almost three weeks. Unfortunately, I started feeling worse, more often had panic attacks and my eyesight went even worse. At the beginning of November, I've returned to 15mg but that didn't help me very much. My eyes still have a problem with focusing and my vision is shaky, I'm experiencing brain zaps although they're not as strong as they were before. At this point, I'm not sure if it is a good idea to withdrawing from Mirtazapine so fast when I've just stopped taking Paroxetine like 3 months ago. On the other hand, I really want to try to get off this med. I apologize for any mistakes in this text due to my poor English.
  20. I was on Cymbalta 60mg for 7 years and decided to taper off in April of 2016. I tapered for 5 months and dealt with horrible WD symptoms that whole time and for about 3 months after completely stopping. I felt alright for about a year, basically symptom free and then I got hit with a wave that lasted roughly 3 weeks of debilitating symptoms in November of 2017 (nausea, extreme fatigue, Muscle aches, anxiety, depression, vision problems, dizziness, headaches, disassociation/depersonalization). After that I was back to normal for about ten months (September/October 2018) and then it happened again, same symptoms roughly same length in time. 8 months later (May/June 2019) it happened again, same symptoms but this time it lasted almost two months. After that, I was fine for about two months until it resurfaced again. I am currently in the midst of a hellish wave. Is it common for waves to hit this long after WD? Also, is it common they have become more frequent?
  21. Sycamore Hi there everyone! First of all, I want to thank the ones who made this forum, and all those who have posted – this is basically the only platform where those of us who want to quit these pills can get some understanding, information and knowledge, and this is so very important as the official information from doctors and medical sites are downright denying the truth of what it means to come off these pills. In my case I discovered it a bit too late, five and a half years into withdrawal having suffered tremendously and I really wish I knew about it sooner- it could have made it easier to understand that these reactions was not me, but reactions from a wrecked nervous system. Oh well. I will attempt to tell my story: I was taken to a doctor after a suicide attempt at age 15. I had been severely depressed for more than a year, lost 10 kilos, lost my period and generally living in a heavy darkness that never seemed to lift. After I started, 60mg of Zoloft, I remember feeling a bit better, for about 8-10 months. However, after that I got worse. I developed severe anxiety; I had anxiety to begin with, mostly panic attacks but after starting the pill I believe it got worse I got agitated, fidgety, and very nervous, and my depression also came back so the doctor increased the Zoloft up to 200 mg. Then I started getting hallucinations. The doctor put me on antipsychotics: 800 mg of Seroquel and 100 mg of Solian, as well as reducing the Zoloft to 100 mg. She did tell me, before I left her office, that my symptoms could be a reaction to Zoloft. In hindsight, I think that is exactly what it was. However, I was already deep in medication, and trusting of the therapists’ methods, so I did not see it at the time – also, I was 17 and desperate. Anyway, after begging to quit the antipsychotics – I was drowsy and sluggish, couldn’t understand what people were saying to me, couldn’t concentrate on reading and I had to quit school because of this – and gained 30 kg as well. I stopped taking them after two years of being on them. Quitting cold turkey was not smart, but no doctor or therapist supported it – actually they threatened me with not getting any treatment if I refused to take them - so that’s what I had to do. I continued Zoloft, after some years I asked to switch to a different one, Fontex (fluoxetine). This one I tapered down extremely slowly – I think I spent about two years of cutting down little by little. I had previously tried to cut them and not managed because of the debilitating symptoms, so I understood that I had to ignore my doctor’s advice and go very slowly. In November 2015, after 10 years on antidepressants I took my final dose. I was, however not aware of the withdrawal phenomenon – I interpreted everything coming as my “real” condition surfacing. I suffered bone pain, electric jolts through my body, intense headaches, pain in the collarbone, anger, mood swings, pressure on the eyeballs and an anxiety worse than I could ever have imagined – I was constantly on the edge. Akathisia, rumination (I was spinning around past mistakes that kept me paralyzed and at the same time extremely agitated and unable to do anything – at one point I didn’t leave my house for 8 months), couldn’t sit down to concentrate on anything, deep, heavy depressions that never lifted (one lasted almost two years without windows) anhedonia, depersonalization, derealization and two years after quitting, I got hypomania, and then again two years after. At the time I thought I had bipolar disorder, but after having read that mania is a symptom of withdrawal, I am thinking that maybe that was it. I don’t know. I have been working with meditation for three years which has helped a great deal. Only now, after five years, have the intense debilitating anxiety somewhat lifted, and I can at least do simple things like take walks and do shopping etc. Becoming aware of withdrawal gave me a new perspective on myself and my condition, and made it easier to treat myself with some patience and love, and of course, get some bloody hope. So a big thank you to everyone on this forum!
  22. Hi there This is my first post here so apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I'm currently in withdrawal from citalopram which I stopped taking 18 months ago. For the first 6 to 9 months I had the windows and waves pattern. But from around 9 months off the medication onwards the windows and waves have stopped and I've been in a constant state win a number of symptoms. My symptoms are insomnia, lack of appetite stomach and bowel problems, complete emotional blunting, constant sexual dysfunction, fatigue, eyesight problems like blurred vision and some visual disterbance particularly in my left eye and there are other symptoms but those are the main ones. I'm in a constant state with these symptoms which I have been in for around a year now with no windows and waves at all. I'm just a little bit confused about why I'm not getting the windows and waves anymore and what this means or if anyone else has any experience with this? I know the windows and waves are a commonly reported part of this so I'm a bit confused about why I'm not getting this anymore. If anybody knows anything on this subject would be great to hear from you. Thanks and take care xx
  23. hi,all been on &off antidepressants for 20 yrs but never felt this crummy.since stopping Paroxetine have had flu-like symptoms ,then fatigue loss of appetite,taste changes,eye problems(excessive blinking actually started while on it,that's why I quit).depression,anxiety,just miserable,wondering if I should reinstate or just try & hang in there.I was on it about 6 mos.stopped May 4 after about 7 wk taper.thanks for any suggestions
  24. Hello, i just joined this group looking for help/information. I have been 5 months clean from Celexa / Ativan. Except for 3 ativan and 2 days in jan i took celexa again thinking ivshould go back on then realizing it doesnt fix the depression. It has been a whirlwind with no advice or understanding of what to expect. I was on it for over 10 years and maybe more..started on meds at 21 and now in my 50th. Anybody on here can tell me a bit of what to expect, how to help with the withdraals, what withdrwals they had. I know not to take any herbs. All i take is probiotics and enzymes. My stomach is a mess, my whole body sches still sense of helplessness, brain is finished zapping but it hurts and lots of ringing, shakiness. I did not get advice from a doctor. March 2109 i tried pristiq for 3 months then went back on celexa and only maybe 4 weeks did the tapering. Regret that now but its been 5 months off. Thanks for listening. Ella
  25. I was incredibly ignorant and did not realise how important it was to taper off mirtazapine, and basically came off 30mg cold turkey at the start of January. I KNOW this is a huge mistake and I didn't realise it at the time and my doc didn't think anything of it either. I had no physical symptoms to speak of like a headache or dizziness or brain zaps or anything like that, so I thought I was fine. However, since coming off mirtazapine, I have had terrible anhedonia and emotional numbness, zero motivation and energy, zero appetite and significant sexual dysfunction/low libido. These were not symptoms for me during or prior to taking mirtazapine. It has almost been four months now and have seen little improvement. I am very concerned but want to stay positive. Can you please tell me if there is a way out of this for me? Thank you so much. (The one thing that helps in all of this is vitamin D3, however it seems to lose its effectiveness if I take it too many days in a row, so it's not a sustainable solution for me.)
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