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  1. Extremely severe PSSD at 20, need help ASAP I had been on venlafaxine for 3 years up until February when I was told by my doctor to taper off over a span of a few weeks. I had no withdrawal symptoms initially but since around May a very large amount of physical and mental symptoms have manifested and gradually seemed to have gotten worse over time. I have been on 150 mg of wellbutrin for about a month after being admitted to the psych ward due to the mental state I am in, helped quite a bit in the early days but seems to have worn off or is making me worse. Currently taking magnesium and fish oil to combat head issues, but I just can't take this anymore and its only been a couple months of symptoms when many others here have had them last for years - Severe brain fog, constant - Short-term memory loss, unable to remember names and faces of anyone new I meet - Regular migraines, three times a week and usually develops towards end of day - Pressure feeling banded around head, constant - Visual snow, even more severe when eyes are closed - Blurred vision - Extremely severe dullness of emotions, totally unable to feel love, happiness, anger. Crying is extremely difficult and takes effort and extreme distress. Cannot even laugh. Constant - Total loss of creativity, unable to come up with original ideas - Mind feels completely blank and thoughts are not racing like they used to. Did improve with wellbutrin but not even close to 100% - Inability to compile thoughts, not capable of thinking of even half of these symptoms without writing them down ahead of time - Social skills completely disappeared, went from being talkative to socially paralyzed and cannot come up with the words to say. Maintaining conversations causes mental agony, have to fake emotions - Difficulty finding words I previously used regularly in my vocabulary - Extremely severe depression, feeling of total hopelessness all the time. This DID NOT develop until after other head symptoms, head issues popped up during a content period of my life - Feeling of dizziness and strange vision when moving head back and forth - Occasional severe confusion and total disorientation. Happens probably once every few days for an hour or two - Feeling of being in a dream or a daze, feel like I'm spectating someone else living my life - Extremely vivid dreams, seem more real than reality - Occasional sensitivity to light - Total loss of appetite, eating anything more than a very small quantity of food makes me nauseous. This developed about two weeks ago, much later than other symptoms. Went very quickly from eating a lot to eating nothing - Total lack of interest in any hobbies that I was in love with a month prior - Irregular stool, liquid most of the time. - Constant exhaustion - Muscle weakness and soreness - Nausea - Heart pounding when I lay down, distracting when I try to sleep - Heart palpitations - Sharp chest pain. - Insomnia, have been taking melatonin to put me to bed but I wake up very early in the morning and cannot go back to sleep due to how horrible I feel - Brain zaps, seem to have lessened recently but were often - Stiff neck - Total loss of sexual interest. Extremely difficult to get and maintain an erection - Shriveled penis - Pins and needles sensation occasionally in fingers - Stiff neck for a few hours a day - Lower back pain - Itchy red bumps popping up all over - Derealization. Hoping to God that this is just a bad dream or a hallucination. I feel like a shell of myself to say the least, feel as if I have died Much of this was copied from my post on the pssd subreddit from a few weeks ago, I would write a new summary of my issues but my brain has gotten so much worse that I am seriously struggling to even read and write and I am totally forgetting what medications I am on and such. I honestly do not even care about the sexual or other physical side effects because my head condition is so awful. I am in total crisis mode and need relief like right now, I don't know who to turn to because people in my life just do not understand what is going on, I have been to the hospital 4 times in the past couple months for these issues and have been given a different and stupid diagnosis each time, the last time was when they had enough and put me in the psych ward for a week. I did not want to take any meds but I felt it was forced upon me with how bad my condition was and I have been totally stuck on wellbutrin since. Its helping a little but I am terrified about staying on it as I believe my condition will worsen as it has and I am also terrified of going off of it because my condition will also worsen then. I have been to several doctors and psychiatrists and they are just trying to give me more ssris and such and do not believe I am still having withdrawal from venlafaxine. I have completely lost all sense of self and my memory is getting worse and worse by the day, I am forgetting the names of family members and massive events that happened in my life. In my hopsital visits I was blood tested every time, urine tested every time, given a CT scan on my brain, EKGs and such and nothing came up abnormal except for magnesium being low. My brain is in such bad condition, it feels like I am completely incapable of feeling any sort of stimulation and I am clearly declining mentally and emotionally on a day-by-day basis. I am on the verge of trying re-instatement or just going back to the hospital so they put me on more drugs because this is so unbearable I don't even know if I can last another day. Caffeine, alcohol, and small amounts of junk food have caused me severe crashes and I am extremely hyper-aware of literally everything I put in my body. I do not feel anything besides pain and fear, I know there probably isnt much that people here can help with but I am looking for a miracle here. This is unbelievable pain and if I make it through this it will certainly be the most I will ever have to struggle in my life, but I am seriously doubting my ability to recover due to the severity of my case and it seemingly getting worse. I have appointments with a neurologist and GI doctor but they are backed up and it will be 6 weeks until I can see them. I live with my parents because I'm 20 and cant work or drive or do anything in this condition and they are also going through torture because of how unbearable it is to be around me like this
  2. ADMIN NOTE Please note that SurvivingAntidepressants is a site for tapering and recovery from withdrawal syndrome. While we see PSSD sometimes as an aspect of withdrawal syndrome (and we see gradual recovery from it as well as withdrawal syndrome), this site is not specifically for discussion of treatment of PSSD or its neurological origins (which at this time are highly speculative). See journal articles about PSSD in Papers about Post-SSRI Sexual Disorder (PSSD) If you wish to discuss symptoms, theories, and treatment of PSSD, please go to these sites: PSSD Network pssdnetwork.org PSSDforum https://pssdforum.org/ Yahoo group SSRIsex (log in to http://Yahoo.com to join) Facebook group (log into Facebook.com to join) Various pages on Rxisk.org Please note the following:
  3. Hi! I've been lurking on this website for quite sometime now (Over 2 years) desperate for answers and hope. I thought I’d make an introduction post just to keep track of my own progress alongside others. My memory is foggy in some parts because when I first cold turkeyed my Luvox 200 mg I didn’t think anything of it and was quite fine without it. But my rough estimate is I cold turkeyed 7/2020. I didn’t notice any symptoms regarding withdrawal until 10/2020 that’s when I relapsed in my OCD with the intrusive thought “What if I don’t love my partner?” And I spiraled into crying and anxiety. I’ve struggled with HOCD for 6 years and it was the main reason I was put on Iuvox. Funny enough throughout those 6 years my sexual function and emotions stayed in tact. But as soon as it hit 10/2020 the symptoms started almost immediately. i even developed depersonalization to the point I didn’t even feel like a woman (which I’ve never wanted to be trans or a man so it was strange to FEEL like a stranger in your own body) I started feeling so depersonalized that even talking or seeing myself freaked me out and made me feel like I wasn’t me. I think this is one of the scariest things a person can experience. The following months I had impending doom because I thought me and my bfs relationship was in jeopardy - I suddenly didn’t recognize him even though we’ve been together for 9 years and I was always in love with him. My family became foreign too and it was hard to connect with them alongside my depersonalization. When this all happened I messaged my primary care doctor to up my dose but reinstating did nothing. i stayed on 100 mg of Luvox. Fast forward to 3/21-7/21 - I had massive panic attacks where I almost believed I was about to have a heart attack. It was hard to connect with people and cognitively I declined. Making basic conversation with people was hard. And then my fiancé proposed to me and I had a panic attack during only making me believe we weren’t meant to believe. Not thinking it was due to the pill I dumbly cold turkeyed. Who would think it could impact you so much? Not me. This was also the time my sexual dysfunction took place. i realized I couldn’t feel anything during sex. My ****** became numb and even urinating felt different. It didn’t matter how much I touched myself I couldn’t feel pleasure - but scariest of all I couldn’t feel arousal. The natural feeling you get just by being kissed by my partner was gone. And then suddenly I coudn’t feel romance. And I know you don’t know me but I’ve been OBSESSED with romance my entire life. I’ve written stories about love, watched only romance anime and movies, blushed over stereotypical romantic scenes. But suddenly without attraction or emotions I couldn’t feel romantic towards my fiancé. Which scared the hell out of me. 8/21 - I became emotionally blunted. I felt neutral, even the anxiety that always bothered me was numb. I didn’t care about my job, my family, my fiancé, my cats or what happened to me. 4/22 - Emotionally blunted, again the sexual dysfunction and romantic attraction are what worries me the most. I know it’s the medication because I feel no desire for anyone else. It’s hard to laugh naturally and connect with people. i took a Thorne gut test and tested positive for gut dybosis and out of range bad bacteria. Supplements Im taking: • Fish oil • magnesium taurate •butyrate •multivitamin •liposomal vitamin c • vitamin d •Korean panax ginseng I’m tapering by 10 mg every month. I’m at 62.5 mg of Luvox currently
  4. Hi everybody this is my 2 year story. I'll try and keep it short and detailed. I suffered from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and had panic attacks since the age of 5. My anxiety was triggered by my parent's divorce but i was able to overcome it twice in my life. When i was 14 i was diagnosed with IBS. I had it pretty bad so i got really down about it and probably had mild situation depression. I (unfortunately) saw this article in class one day about anxiety, depression etc and they pretty much advertised anti depressants. I always knew there must of been meds for anxiety/depression but i figured i was just too young for them. Being a typical 14 year old I thought i was a hot shot and should be old enough for anything. That night i pretty much convinced myself i was depressed and told my mum to take me to the hospital so i could try some medication (so stupid i know - they really made it sound like anti-depressants could really really help - even for IBS (LOL)) I was given 10mg of celexa (citalopram). That's right. You can just walk right into the hospital, say your depressed and you want medication and they'll give it to you. After a while i went up to 20 mg which is where i stayed for a while. This is also where i first noticed the anhedonia - which got better but not 100%. I also noticed that i couldn't "visualize" anything in my mind anymore like the tv in my mind was more vague or something. After a while though some of the numbing effects of the celexa wore off. I actually liked the numbing though because it really eased my anxiety - although i didn't know i wouldn't be able to feel pleasure to its fullest extant again. So around the end of my use i went up to 30mg for a while and slowly i went up to 40mg. Yes, a 15 year old was advised by a psychiatrist to go that high. But it was only for no more than a month or two. I surely felt a little drugged and I believe it was mostly then that i started to notice mild sexual symptoms (premature ejaculation). Once i tapered off for about a month from 20-40mgs, and all the normal withdrawal symptoms went away, i noticed PSSD 2 weeks after the last celexa. It was pretty mild, i only had premature ejaculation and minor other problems. I also had anhedonia and the TV in my mind thing too but other than that i felt pretty much normal. So Celexa for 8-9 months. At this point i was already on a low dose Elavil (10mgs). It gave me bad bloating and heart palps especially when i tried to go to 20mg but i could tolerate 10mg but it wasn't really doing any good. My psychiatrist insisted that i stayed on it though so I did for less than a year. I eventually went on clonazepam for 4 weeks and tapered for 3. I just took it when i needed it which was like once per 1-2 weeks on average. So after lets say 6 months after celexa I went off elavil and got on zoloft (sertraline). I still had the mild/moderate anhedonia, premature ejaculation, minor erection problems and the visualization thing. I continued to have heart palps, bloating from time to time (still get it now lol) and i found that my cognitive and energy was lagging too. I went on 25mg of sertraline to start with, and found that my PSSD pretty much went away. My anhedonia was better too which i think i noted but i still found music to not be quite as enjoyable than before and that it didn't automatically fill my mind with images like it used too before meds. However my sexual confidence sky rocketed even at almost 16 lol. To be honest i didn't think the meds caused my PE, i knew anxiety could do it so i thought it was just that. My first sexual encounter was not long before the meds and i realize now that i lasted MUCH longer than after. The PSSD only went away for about 2-3 weeks as to be expected until the delayed ejaculation side effect began to fade. In an attempt to regain that side effect i went on 50mg of sertraline but the PSSD didn't get any better despite my "depression" seeming to have improved. I didn't feel many side effects on this drug except that i would start to cry over happy things and laugh at sad things, almost like weird trigger response to stimuli. All these symptoms i still have by the way. That summer, being on zoloft i began smoking cannabis. I only smoked moderately to regularly for about 2 and a half months. It really helped with my anhedonia, boosted my libido and made my orgasms amazing. I dont feel like it would have the same effect now for some reason though. I also went on a low dose of buspar for a couple of months on top of all of this. So that summer i was on zoloft 50mg, smoking cannabis, and taking buspar. PSSD same as always. ultimately, i only took zoloft(sertraline) for 6 months. I tapered zoloft really badly. It was like a 3 week taper from 50mg, to 25mg to nothing. I didn't take the dosages consistently, it was just horrible. I had a bad acute withdrawal, with a lot of muscle tenseness, stress, bloating, brain zaps, etc. Most of these went away except i still have the floating stress/tenseness feeling even now. During my initial W/D i went through a lot of stress as well which didn't help of course. however, as the months went past and i started smoking less and less, i noticed more and more symptoms. fatigue, dizziness, visual symptoms, dp/dr, cognitive problems, head pressure, hyper sensitive to stress, sleep problems, light headedness, tinnitus, etc.... over time the PSSD began getting worse, so did the anhedonia, depression started kicking in, i had sinus problems, headaches, muscle weakness, insomnia, cold feet, hair loss, etc the list goes on. Whats funny is my IBS is quite a lot better than it ever was, i barely ever think about it. However despite the initial symptoms going away, most have not. My pssd continues to worsen (possibly due to another cause - still ruling things out) and my my depression/anhedonia, memory, cognitive function, depersonalization/derealization, severe visual distortions etc continues to decline. I dont have the dizziness or head pressure as much but it comes and goes. So there you have it. All of this happened within about 2 years. I know its not much compared to a lot of people here but the effect that these pills have had on me is more than anything i could ever have imagined. I've gone from mild/moderate pssd to moderate to severe sexual dysfunction, my vision has gone from just being short sighted to being completely distorted, a lost my empathy and passion and many other things. everything today is a chore and an effort, i have very little energy, etc etc and i'm 17 months off of zoloft, and the last substance i've ever taken was cannabis so i'm technically 14 months off if you count that and the few benzos i took. I know its early but any reassurance that i will recover really helps. I've had a few good days with my energy, relaxation, cognitive function and possibly even the anhedonia (not by much though). however, the general trend has been an overall decline in function which is very scary. Could it be that this decline suggests that my body is recovering and that i will feel better somewhere down the line? I hope so. So to recap : 20mg Celexa, to 40mg 1 month tapper Elavil - 10 mg. No more Celexa. PSSD symptoms Clonazepam for 1 month. 1 month tapper. took when needed for over a year. Off Elavil Zoloft 25mg to 50mg about 6 months + Buspar Smoking MJ Tapered inconsistently for 2 weeks REALLY bad stress (situational) - Last Sertraline Oct 2012 - Last clonazepam Nov 2012. - Last cannabis Jan 2013 Thanks for reading guys. I'm 17 years old, turning 18 next month and i'm 17 months out.
  5. I was on Sertraline for 6 weeks. Week 1,2 - 50mg Week 3 - 100mg Week 4 -50mg Week 5,6 - 25mg Stopped. I still suffers PSSD symptoms 3 months after stopping the ssri. Was the tapering wrong? What I need to do now?
  6. hope for improvement- very difficult time- not sure pssd or protracted withdrawal or both i am a 29 year old female who teaches kindergarten and loves my family and puppy. I would really like to feel like myself again. basically I was on and off Lexapro 5 and sometimes 10 mg the last two years. As well as Xanax or Benadryl few nights a week to sleep. A few months on, stopped due to sexual side effects, those always went away and then I went back on due to severe anxiety. Longest period I was on them was January 2021 through July 2022. Then a month off and picked back up in August 2022 through November 22. I had the classic withdrawal symptoms of brain zaps lethargy and headache each time, some times worse than others. This last time I was on Wellbutrin as well simultaneously and didn’t notice it being as uncomfortable. Then I went to start taking a few doses of 5mg Lexapro in February due to anxiety but didn’t continue due to sever genital numbness that went away I thought. I stayed on Wellbutrin until end of February then stopped. Noticed intermittently some sexual side effects like slight numbness a few times and delayed orgasm. But no other issues and felt great and like myself. took some 5htp supplements for anxiety. Then beginning of May I notice I feel depressed, mood is low, gaining weight, headache, easily upset, little arousal and delayed orgasm. Ask to go back on Wellbutrin and immediate boost in everything- feel hyper sexual, etc. but big bouts of severe anxiety and panic about health and safety and job. cue more panic about why this big difference in sexual functioning and lots of researching, stop Wellbutrin, fall into crippling anxiety about pssd- psych prescribed low dose buspar which I took only a few doses, Xanax sparingly. since late May I’ve stopped everything. It was awful at first. Then things seemed to be getting better emotionally and sexually for a few weeks. Now they seem worse! I have no energy, even less sensation down there, feel anhedonic now which I didn’t before, and like I can’t get out of bed. I used to love poetry and now it just isn’t the same. Emotionally blunted and just overall very blah. I’m singly and going to be 30 soon and always went crazy for handsome men, and now it’s just not happening. Nothing seems to get me excited sexually or otherwise. Sometimes I am able to cry and emote strongly and other times I’m not. I have insane insomnia sometimes with akathasia where I am very restless and move my legs and toss and turn continuously. Perpetual headache. Eyes hurt. Occasional tinnitus. Sometimes dpdr. Anxiety turned to severe depression now. Sometimes when I can convince myself things will pass and get better and I can have an enjoyable day. But that is getting harder. i read the pssd forums and there are some recoveries but everything out of Dr. Healy is so permanent and soul crushing. I am looking for help and hope. The SD is not even the concern anymore, I want to feel excited and happy and energetic again. Is there hope for me?
  7. Hello everyone! I’m on my last leg of tapering right now at 2.5 mg of Prozac and boy does that small dose of 2.5 mg make a difference! I’ll give you all some background information about me and my history with SSRI’s and just overall tell my story so to speak. I’m currently 19 years old attending university (I had to drop out last semester because of the withdrawal from tapering, but I’m back at it!). The first SSRI I ever took was sertraline (Zoloft) at 50 mg for social anxiety and subsequently depression. I think I was thirteen at the time. It pains me to think back to that little boy and how much pain he was in. The sertraline helped a bit. My mother noticed a change in me more than I did. After only a couple of months however, I started to experience some emotional blunting. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just knew I felt flat. We told our family doctor and he agreed that I should stop taking it. I did not taper and I did not experience any withdrawal. The next couple of years I don’t think I took any SSRI’s. I was still depressed and socially anxious at times, but I made a promise to myself that I would make a serious effort to make friends. It was my first real effort at exposure therapy and I did it all by myself. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that my obsessive rumination eventually became too strong for me to handle. It was then that I began taking 20 mg of Prozac. I can’t remember when I started. Most likely between August 2015 to December 2015. I do remember however that I did not have any notable side effects. I still felt the full range of emotions and my sexuality functioned like clockwork. In May 2016, my obsessive thinking got worse due in part to a rejection from a girl I liked. I began to believe that the Prozac wasn’t doing anything, so I went to a doctor and he switched me onto 20 mg of Paxil. It would be later on in the summer of 2016 that I would see a psychiatrist. I complained of extreme lethargy and often times couldnt sleep until four in the morning so he prescribed Wellbutrin at 150 mg and some Trazodone that I would take as needed. The Trazodone effectively zombified me so I avoided it often. (Side note: eventually I mentioned the Trazodone to this druggy kid in my creative writing class. He was literally on acid at the time and he said, “You take Trazodone?! Dude I used to snort that stuff. Don’t **** with that ****.”😂) Over time I stopped believing the Paxil or Wellbutrin had any effect on me. I even started to believe they might be a placebo at the time. I did however notice that I was becoming extremely angry all the time, something completely unlike myself. It was as if the only thing the pills had done was replace my depression with anger. I could also cry at a moments notice. I remember my family and I visited the freedom tower memorial in NY and it took everything in me not to burst out into tears. Because of the anger and my belief the pills were placebos, I eventually decided to stop both the Paxil and Wellbutrin cold turkey. This was in December 2016. I didnt have any notable withdrawal symptoms. No brain zaps or physical problems. My sexuality functioned as it always had. My depression however began to amplify. Sometimes, knowing what I know now, I wonder if this extreme depression was induced partly from withdrawal. It was stronger than any I’d previously had. I was constantly ruminating. I couldn’t sit still for a second without being uncomfortable and anxious. My mind was constantly replaying loops of embarrassing things I had done. Often times I would wake up in the middle of the night with an embarrassing memory and then spend the rest of the night in terror as it played over and over in my head. When I went to school, I felt paranoid. I absolutely hated myself. It is important to note however that I was not suicidal. Eventually I gave up. It took two week of me not going to school or even leaving my room for that matter for my parents to decide what to do with me. Eventually my mom found a treatment center for OCD and anxiety. I was skeptical at first. I had seen therapists in the past. They were well meaning, but they had little impact on my depression. We made an appointment with the director of the clinic. When she first walked in I expected nothing. She was very direct and got right to the point telling me that she might be able to help me or she might not. Either way it would be up to me to put in the effort. I agreed to do their intensive outpatient program. For three hours every day I would be exposed to my deepest fears. Initially she suggested medication, however I refused because of my bad experience on Paxil and Wellbutrin. After a month of IOP however, I still wasn’t getting better. Eventually I caved in. I was desperate. I went to the doctor and he prescribed 40 mg of Prozac and 25 mg of lamictal. When I began taking the Prozac at 20 mg, my mood lifted immediately. For the first time in forever my onslaught of obsessive thought began to abate. Suddenly I was convinced these pills weren’t placebo. I worked up to 40 mg and quickly graduated from the IOP. There were no side effects. I still had a considerable range of emotion and my sexuality worked just fine. But then the Prozac pooped out on me in December of 2017. By then I was beginning to feel depressed again. This should have been a warning that this med wasn’t a long term solution, but I was oblivious to the side effects at the time. I made my way up to 60 mg for a month and then eventually 80 mg in February 2018, the maximum dose. This dose was effective. My depression ceased almost instantly. It wasn’t until around June 2018 on 80 mg that I began to notice some strange things happening. At first I didn’t realize they were due to the Prozac. I began to have these odd states where my thinking was clouded, almost like my brain was fried. It was difficult to form words, and I often felt no emotion whatsoever in these states, but it would go away after a good night sleep, so I didn’t think too much of it. Then I met a girl and began dating her. I quickly noticed that I simply couldn’t fall in love with her, despite the fact that we got along together great and she was beautiful. All my romantic feelings we’re muted compared to what I had felt before. And then my dog ran away. At the time I knew I should be sad, but I couldn’t muster up the emotion. It was like I had to sneeze but the sneeze wouldn’t come. The sadness was almost there, I just couldn’t experience it fully. It was around this same time that I realized that my interest in sex was beginning to dwindle. Because of these things I realized I need to make a change. I began taking two 40 mg pills every other day and then two pills on the rest of the days. This was in the beginning of August 2018. My goal was to get to 40 mg. I did not have any significant withdrawal issues. In fact, initially, my sex drive increased. What did happen is that my depression returned. Because of this my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin at 150 mg. I had to stop taking it because I became extremely suicidal. Every waking thought revolved around me killing myself. I was anxious and irritable and definitely had the energy to do carry out my plans. Thankfully, I stopped taking the Wellbutrin after a week and these thoughts went away. It was this experience that convinced me how harmful these meds can be. Unfortunately I did not know how to taper properly and went way too fast with decreases of 20 mg every 2 weeks. Eventually I got to zero for a couple days but my therapist convinced me to stay on them. Stupidly I jumped all the way back up to 40 mg. But then after two weeks I decided once again that I needed to get off them. I did not know I was playing with fire. Once again I went super fast. When I made it to zero this time however, new symptoms began to hit. I got what I realize now is akathisia. If I tried to read my brain couldn’t form the words into sentences. I began sleeping very little. Most disconcerting, my penis had shriveled up and gotten freezing cold and I stopped getting nocturnal erections(morning wood). It was this that caused me to reinstate my taper after only four days at 0 mg. I went back up to 40 mg over two weeks and my sexual functioning more or less returned. My sex drive however did not. By then I knew what I was really in for. After that I began to taper much slower. This was probably stupid, but I would cut the pills in half and estimate the amount of powder I would take. I did this until December 2018 and made it to 10 mg. Then I got pills that I could cut into smaller pieces and bought a scale and I have been using this method ever since. Throughout the taper, emotional anesthesia arose as a prominent symptom. My sexuality is no longer similar to pre drug levels or even similar to what it was while I was on the drug. It has definitely gotten worse as I’ve decreased the drug. However, so far it seems that after each time I have decreased my dose, my ability to maintain an erection would vanish and then more or less reappear after a couple weeks. Currently I am at 2.5mg! 🎉The akathisia has mostly abated (although I’m sure it’ll come back once I’m fully off the drug) I feel emotionally numb all the time. I feel like I have lost my identity and have no access to my memories. I remember them but I feel nothing when I do. Listening to music is pointless. I no longer play my guitar. My erections are fickle, and I have no sex drive at all. I do still have feeling in my penis, so I am not dealing with genital anesthesia. The closer I get to zero however, the less my penis functions. I even went down to about 0.5 mg and my penis went cold like the time I went to 0 mg a couple months ago. It seems the blood flow returned when I went back to 2.5 yesterday; however, my penis head has these odd striations on it. I am afraid of developing genital anathesis post taper. For those who had genital anesthesia, when did this symptom appear for you? My fear is that the lack of blood supply and lack of erections will lead to nerve atrophy in my penis. For this reason I am taking the rest of my taper even slower than initially planned. As long as my penis doesn’t get cold, I will continue to taper. I have also turned my diet around and cut out sugar and gluten. I want to exercise but this seems to trigger the akathisia so I’ve put it on hold. Im against all supplements as I’ve had bad experienced with them. One thing this site taught me is how cautious I have to be so that my nervous system can heal. Does anyone have any advice for me? Do you think because I haven’t experienced physical symptoms (yet at least) like nausea or muscle pain or even brain zaps that I’ll be able to heal fairly quickly? Or will these effects most likely simply appear once I’m finally off the drug. Prozac does have a long half life after all. What do you guys think? Im also wondering when (or if) my emotions will return post taper. For those who have regained the full range of emotions, were you able to look back at emotional memories and feel what you felt in that moment? Does music sound good again? Lastly, when can I expect symptoms of nueroemotions? I’m actually looking forward to this symptoms as it will mean my emotions are returning and that I don’t have permanent damage. Thank you if you took the time to read this, and sorry if it’s a little long. (p.s. Altostrata if you read this thank you for everything you have done. I’ve spent the past month browsing this site on and off and the level of charity you display is phenomenal. Thank you!)
  8. I decided last spring that I wanted to stop taking my lexapro. I was 29 and had been prescribed 10mg since a suicide attempt at 20. I did not do a ton of research into tapering beforehand, or tell my doctor about my plans. I went down to 5mg rather quickly, around easter (I didn't keep track so the dates are all approximate). I stayed at 5mg for a few months. In June I saw my doctor, told her what I was doing and proceeded to lower my dose to 2.5mg every day, then every other day, coming off some time in July. I felt like a veil had lifted, I had more energy and motivation than I had in years, colors were brighter, I was in touch with all of my emotions. Towards the end of September, I started to feel low mood creeping back in. I live alone and do not have many friends in my city, largely due to quitting drinking in 2020, so I chalked up a lot of the mood to that. This is where I should also mention that for about 6 years, I've been taking benzos in one form or another almost daily, and for the past 3 I have taken Valium every day. I never had a prescription. I noticed that I had been increasing my dosage in step with my low mood, and for this reason and a variety of others, I resolved to begin a taper. With benzos I was more aware of the long and arduous process. I started tapering down from 20mg daily valium in October and I am currently at 11mg a day. I finally made an account on this website because the intense depression and ahnedonia, and the sexual dysfunction I've been experiencing, are getting to be excruciating, to the point that I do not always want to be alive. I have a counselor who specializes in benzo withdrawal and a psychiatrist who is able to prescribe now, but I am looking for any help I can get. Is it normal to not be hit with SSRI-discontinuation symptoms for a few months after going off? I have a hard time sorting through what can be attributed to SSRIs and what is benzos. Today I am extremely concerned about PSSD. When I first came off of Lexapro I did not experience sexual issues at all, but starting in November, I began to notice alarming changes; decreased pleasure in orgasms, less forceful and less "fruitful" ejaculations, premature ejaculations. As a 30 year old guy who wants to have a family one day, these symptoms are very concerning. I am hoping to find other people here who can offer their experiences, and, fingers crossed, give me some hope that what I am going through is not permanent. I apologize for the rambling nature of this post. I am grateful that this community exists.
  9. Hi All, Just a bit of a history. 2013 I got suddenly chronically fatigued and sudden unexplained sexual dysfunction which then worsened into depression. Looking back it was probably severe overworking of my job at the time. Over the next few years I was triated on a number of different drugs, SSRIs, SNRIs, noval ADs that were a new class (can't recall which one) anti seizure drugs etc and later on a few antipsychotics. For the most part I had severe side effects from SSRI/SNRIs but everything else did nothing, like taking a sugar pill. I quite all these cold turkey after months of use for each and had no issues. Sexual dysfunction for my main complaint even though the fatigue and flat affect were disabling but the later I cared little about at the time. Out of my own research I found Mocloemide by 2016 and started that and saw about 50% improvement in depression and gained some energy. My sexual dysfunction improved slowly to an acceptable level that caused me no issues. But due to struggling with motivation and work attendance due to the fatigue I lost my job. The psych prescribed me Rexulti and like magic it worked I was near 100% me again. This was late 2018/early 2019. My sexual function improved further. I had normal function although still not the libido prior the depression but normal compared to the general population as I was hypersexual before depression anyway so not an issue. 18 month later I started having SD again out of the blue and also weird sleep issues like jerky sleep/wake transitions and bad sleep paralysis. It took another 12 months to pinpoint the Rexulti as the cause as my docs weren't versed on this pretty new drug and my psych denied Rexulti as causing SD which I asked about before even taking it as SD was my main concern. So about August 2021 I started tapering and did so over 8 weeks as per the usual info that I could find on google and assumptions based on the psych saying to cut to 50% dose in one go to see if SD might improve. I had the usual withdrawals, all psychological ones but nothing that google didn't already suggest. I never really had withdrawals before so unusual for me. I had some burning pain in my genital area as well but had that once or twice with SSRIs as a side effect. The withdrawals went away after a few weeks. About 9 weeks later the genital burning suddenly came back and within a week or two I got burning and then numbness there and also my lower legs. Then I got soft glans syndrome and completely numb glans and semi numb genitals and saddle area. Few weeks later same burning and numbness happened to my face and hands. Then esophagus and tongue and I was having issues with swallowing, then breathing. I could not go to the toilet properly, 1s and 2s due to retention. Few more weeks, then arm/leg weakness and incoordination. Uncontrolled sweating at the lower lumbar that gave a bad rash and infection. There was muscle jerks that persisted for weeks, feeling of face and tongue paralysis even though I could move. I had some paranoid thoughts about my thoughts in a cyclic fashions and couldn't hear sounds correctly. (eg dog snoring sounded like a kid saying "muma" then changing to a chainsaw outside even though the dog was on the bed) I have had 100s of physical neurological symptoms, too many to list. I have been in hospital 5 times this year due to physical symptoms mimicking other serious conditions like, Spinal injury, GBS/CIDP, heart attack, seizure, stoke etc Due to being so upset and anxiety ridden 3 months post withdrawal I had to reinstate and retapper but chose to tapper from 0.25mg not to go back to square 1 just so I could mentally deal with the debilitating physical symptoms. I couldn't work for months. The reinstating did nothing for the symptoms so what ever was triggered by the withdrawal could not be reversed. During the last 7-8ish months of retapering at 50% reduction each 3 months corresponding to a bit over 10% biological reduction each step I have seen some things improve and some things worsen and many things comes in waves and many new symptoms on the way like tinnius, non sweating hands and feet, visual hallucinations, blindness, narcoleptic like attacks triggered by youtube+ headphone and driving. I am currently at 0.0625mg or 1/32 of the normal dose (2mg which is what I was on) for depression or 1/64 of the schizophrenia dosage. I plan to go to 0.03mg in about 10-12 weeks and then stop 12 week after that. I have also reduced my moclobemine from 300, to 150 and last week to 75mg, although I feel it hasn't got much of an impact unlike the Rexulti reductions which are hell for about 4-6 weeks post reduction, so it's like continuously going through the same cessation over and over while being on it has done nothing to reverse symptoms as mentioned. I am still having bad SD which comes in waves but different combo of symptoms each time. The symtopms are pretty much exactly like PSSD but without anorgasmia or ejaculation issues, quite the opposite in fact. Orgasms are too intense with recently PE being a new symptom I had not had before. I had been diagnosed with FND but I feel this isn't completely correct as this is clearly caused by the Rexulti. Has anyone else had extremely severe neurological symtoms from Rexulti and recovered? If so how long until the recovery? For me this has persisted for almost a year and only partial improvement and I fear it might me permanent like some PSSD sufferers. I have been googling since November last year and still have not come across any cases of this. I seem to be the only one. One other person I talked to only complained of ED and PE that has persisted for years but they got it instantly taking it and only had the mental withdrawals, no neurological ones. Love to hear anyone else had this from Rexulti or other antipsychotics. Cheers!
  10. Hi everyone - I've been reading a lot of the great advice and support here for a while and thought I'd finally tell my own story in the hope there might be some help available. I was diagnosed with CFS / Fibromyalgia in 2017 and by December 2018 had been recommended antidepressants several times as a way of combatting the symptoms (acute leg pain and anxiety mainly). You probably won't be too surprised to learn that what happened next made things ten times worse. I was prescribed Mirtazapine right at the end of December 2018 but after four weeks thought better of it. I informed my GP who advised me to simply cut my dose in half for two weeks and stop. I felt fine for a few days and met a friend for a glass of wine (again, this was approved by my GP). On the way back I suddenly felt awful, vomited when I got home and had crazy dreams that night. Within 24 hours I couldn't get out of bed, felt like my head had been hit with a baseball bat and had suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. Feeling totally alien, I hoped the feeling might fade but when it didn't I sought advice from the GP again and was eventually persuaded to take a second drug to "fix" things. This was Sertraline and I was taken up from 0-100mg over three months and back down again the reverse way for the next three months when it had become clear it wasn't helping. Knowing what I do now I cant believe the speed at which this all happened and like many others, before I realised what was happening it was too late. It's now 19 months since I have taken anything yet I feel worse and worse. The main symptoms are anhedonia, depression, depersonalisation, suicidal ideation and PSSD. I also have numb head, teeth and arms. My instinct has always been not to take anything again, especially having read that 3 months is the optimum time for reinstatement, but I guess things are pretty bad. If I were to reinstate could there be any benefit at this stage? If so I'm not even sure which of the drugs would be best to re-instate? I felt stunned coming off the first one and then slowly even worse (with PSSD developing) coming off the second. If I decide to simply wait it out and continue to abstain when might I see a turnaround I wonder? Any thoughts much appreciated thanks
  11. I am a 27 years old man. I was on sertraline 100mg for about 8 years. While being on the medication I could not attain penile erection. Tried to have sex with my girlfriend multiple times but failed everytime. My penis felt unresponsive to any sexual stimulus. This was very distressing and hence I stopped taking the medicine by slowly tapering it off. It has been 10 months since I last ingested the medicine but the sexual dysfunction is persistent. I still cannot attain erection and in an addition I have been facing the problem of severe premature ejaculation since I stopped taking the SSRI.Moreover, my memory has been highly affected by the drug. I struggle to remember everyday things. I cannot concentrate. I don't feel emotions. It feels like I am dead from inside. And I almost always feel a burning sensation in my brain. The drug has profoundly impacted my brain functions. I am very helpless right now. My life has become an unbearable tragedy. I don't know what I should do now. I am in a long distance relationship with a girl who wants to marry me. I am desperate to have a family. But I am afraid to go further given my condition. I am completely helpless and somehow surviving the distress caused by PSSD. I am eagerly waiting to hear from my peers in this forum.
  12. Hi, I am a 27 year old male in India working as an engineer in a telecom company. At start of the year I had a brief psychotic breakdown from work related stress and consulted a psychiatrist. I was on olanzapine aripiprazole and fluoxetine. After a couple of months on the meds I started to notice that I was getting significantly worse and could not do my job properly, my mind became clouded and I was unable to think and slow to react. I started drooling in my sleep and hairloss began. In panic I decided to stop all medication cold turkey. The immediate withdrawal symptom was that I began to sleep 12-14 hours a day and getting off bed seemed next to impossible. Then slowly the tragedy began to unfold after a month or so. I started feeling so weak that I could hardly ever get off bed and go to office. Hunger vanished and I hardly managed two meals a day. Then I found out that music became unappealing so did movies and everything else including exercise that used to provide me relief from stress. I lost all interest in the opposite sex, cannot even masturbate to porn anymore.Orgasms are not pleasurable and sensitivity in my genitals is close to null. I am now basically an asexual being with nothing that gives me pleasure. Suffered severe weight loss. I feel trapped inside unable to react to the outside world. I have spent the last month searching for various means of suicide on the internet as I have nothing to look forward to in life. If you can't enjoy anything and always lie in bed life is not worth living. Also there's no chance of me being in a relationship or getting married. I can no longer hang out with friends, considering how different I have become from them, and can't enjoy anything. PSSD has made me more anxious than ever, with libido crashing to zero.
  13. Hello guys , please spare a few minutes to read it and help me with this. I am from India 25 male In April of 2019 ,during my 3rd semester break, I had a breathing issue (one side nose block )and a sleep (cycle )problem,so I went to ent doc- dx with right sinusitis (not severe ) . For the sleeping cycle issue ,he told to see psychiatry (his wife ) and she prescribed DEP®@n L combination of ( Le×@pro 5 mg + clo≠zepam 0.25 mg ) for 14 days and told to stop After stopping , I had symptoms like - heart pounding ,anxiety , concentration issues, irritability . So I expected it to go away, but it didn't .So I went to another psychiatrist after 6 month (oct 2019),and he prescribed p®@xil (p®@xidep cr 12.5 mg ) ( oct 2019 to Jan 2020) i took for 3 months. while taking this durg my irritability ,anger increased .After stopping the drug I had symptoms of acid reflux ,pounding heart , muscle twitching,anxiety ,anger issue , irritability , indigestion i couldn't eat like before my food consumption decreased,sweating at night , waking at midnight 2am ,mild erectile dysfunction , orgasm decreased slightly ,mild heat intolerance . These severe affects lasted 6 months (aug 2020) and gradually decreased ,but the following symptoms did not -anxiety ,acid reflux, sexual side affects Somehow, I graduated in 2020 Feb 2021 due to exam pressure my sleep cycle changed - anxiety increased so I decided to take it again p®@xil (p®@xidep cr 12.5 mg ) this was the biggest mistake that i have ever made. . While taking the drug I felt dizzy all the time . on 12 th day I got severe gi distress and complete sexual dysfunction that shocked me so I stopped (Feb 2021) that drug cold trukey after that I had total sexual dysfunction ,can't feel emotion,severe acid reflux, heat intolerance ,throat pain ,blurry vision ,fatigue ,muscle pain , shivering, frequent urination ,fear increased , social anxiety ,panic attack,bloating , inability to burp , indigestion,muscle twitching, heart palpitation , headache,bounding pluse , wake up at midnight , can't able to sleep at right time always varies , exercise ability decreased , anger to the peak , irritability, confusion,can't concentrate ,eyelids felt always tired ,anxiety increased . this lasted about 7 to 9 months severely (June 2021) and gradually decreased .now this is my 17 th month slightly improved i can exercise more than 20 mins but still have most of this symptoms especially total sexual dysfunction ,anxiety ,indigestion ,muscle pain , concentration problem . In my first 2 attempts I couldn't study properly and in my 3rd attempt I did some but not enough, so I failed in all my attempts. I am going to write another one this year .my problem is that i can't study for long (8hrs-10hrs) and have concentration problem .Almost wasted a year and a half of my life .i have read "withdrawal and tapering 101".i am planning to reinstate very low dose ssri ? Anyone here been through something similar and recovered ? What lab tests do I have to take ? Can anyone help me with this ? I am obsessed with my sexual dysfunction always thinking about it makes me sick . My friends passed the exam a year ago ,but I am still struggling . I shouldn't have taken antidepressants 😔 What should I do ? Plz give me some suggestions
  14. Greetings, after what has been almost three months suffering from a wide array of changes and symptoms that began once I stopped taking Clomipramine (Anafranil), I have finally decided to make a post here and seek out help. I was initially against it because I thought I would be digging myself deeper into a hole, but see no alternative at the moment in regards to finding hope and assistance. This really all began when I started taking Clomipramine, but manifested itself as mainly ED related problems. Nothing like emotion and attraction seemed to have been affected while I was taking Clomipramine. I was given this medication to “attempt” to help with OCD, and Depression aswell as Anxiety. I have always been a straight male (24), with a healthy sex life. I have always found women attractive, and had no issues before taking and stopping Clomipramine. The issues arose around Dec 22nd of 2021, and I will describe them below: As I stopped taking Clomipramine, I found a number of hellish side effects or symptoms that began upon cessation. These include below: -Lack of Emotions (Not sure how to describe this) -Lack of Attraction to Women (Definitely has been the MOST difficult to bear) -Sexual side effects: such as Low Libido and what first started as inability to get erect, but around the middle of February I noticed subtle improvement in this department. I now am struggling with pre-mature ejaculation, almost to an incredible degree. I am able to get erect, but it is difficult, and I have pleasureless orgasms. -Incredible amounts of anxiety over this entire situation, and feelings of complete despair and hopelessness. It’s odd because I almost feel the things I have been going through in my dreams aswell. The only thing I experienced while on the drug was ED, and difficulty reaching climax. It seems everything else began once I stopped taking it. I have taken anti-depressants in the past without issue upon ceasing them. I did smoke Marijuana while taking anti-depressants in the past, and smoked it once or twice while using Clomipramine. I was actually hospitalized for about half a month in January of 2022, because of how difficult this has all been. I feel hopeless, and completely lost. I am unable to live life without my sexuality, and feel betrayed and angered that the medication I was given to help me ended up doing this instead. The Dr. I have narrows it down to my OCD, and Anxiety. He almost refuses to recognize what I am dealing with. I will admit some concern over what part OCD might be playing in all of this, and if I am making everything worse with what has been called my “sticky brain” (attachment to problems and inability to stop thinking about them, researching about them, and worrying about them). I am looking for hope from people who’ve been in the same situation. I’ve looked online for people who’ve mentioned lack of attraction and recovery but have found few stories if any. It’s all been very surreal, and any assistance might be beneficial at this point. Thank you, and sorry for the length of my post.
  15. Hi I took effaxor for 5 months 75mg. I stopped 4.5 months ago and still stuck with PSSD. How hopeful should I be, do people here recover substantially from PSSD?
  16. Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story (and hopefully my eventual recovery). I am 20 years old, and was 19 when I started on 50mg of Sertraline I was prescribed it in Feb 2015 for social anxiety and took it for a month. Quit cold turkey because I felt pretty depersonalised, and cause of the sexual side effects. All of my symptoms came on during my time on the drug or shortly afterwards. They are: Dulling of emotion/Anhedonia - Have felt sadness a few times, and anger a few times. No joy, no passion, maybe some flashes of love but that's it. Unable to relate to characters in books/TV. Dimunition of visual imagination - I used to daydream constantly prior to taking the drug. Since cold turkeying the pictures in my mind are very blurred and I am no longer able to daydream. Loss of creativity - Before the drug I used to read a lot, and when I read I always felt like ideas were constantly popping into my brain. Since I stopped medication this no longer happens. I feel like I am reading the words on the page very superficially.. Physical numbness in brain - Feels like there's a great pressure in the frontal lobe of my head, almost like it is torn (but there is no pain) PSSD - No libido, anorgasmia, difficulty getting and maintaining erections (too much information but I want to be thorough here) No fatigue behind eyes - this one isn't necessarily negative, but since stopping the drug my eyes never get tired regardless of how much time I spend using screens or reading. Possible other symptoms that could be unrelated: Muscle twinges (very mild), worsening of eyesight (20/20 vision pre medication), urine delay (is considerably better now) Improvements - I saw very positive changes when it came to anorgasmia and erections around 6 months into my withdrawal. Unfortunately it seems like in the past 2 months things have gone back to square one. The physical pressure in my head varies a lot, and is definitely much better than it was at the start of my withdrawal (though it still gets very bad). I couldn't read for the first 6 months of this withdrawal because I got absolutely no enjoyment out of it and that was depressing because I used to love reading prior to the drug. Now I read a bit, and it feels nicer than doing nothing I guess, but seriously if that's an improvement in my anhedonia then it's 0% to 1%, because I still have zero positive emotion. General - I feel hopeless about recovery a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts but would never commit suicide because of the effect that would have on my mum. I browse through the forums looking for recovery stories, but it seems like most people who recover haven't had this constant anhedonia, and were in a more turbulent emotional withdrawal. If anyone who is in my position, or anyone who was in my position but recovered, could reply I'd be very grateful. Many thanks, Raven
  17. hi everyone, I have been reading posts on this website for a while and decided it's time to join and tell my story. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, depression at 14. I didn't go on meds till about age 19. I first took Paxil for about 6 months when I was severely depressed then stopped because of the side effects. At that time I wasn't taking it regularly or every day so I didn't have or notice any withdrawal symptoms. I started taking wellbutrin around age 24 for about a year or so from what I remember. I stopped that as well because of the side effects. No withdrawal symptoms from what I remember. Then I read about 5htp(5-Hydroxytryptophan) on the internet. Which was what I thought a "natural" anti depressant. I read that 5htp is a replacement for tryptophan which was no longer sold in Canada or US. I took this for about 4 years and took 100mg a few times a week with food. I remember reading somewhere that this should only be taken short term and not long term. But of course I didn't listen. I recently stopped taking 5htp about 2 months ago. Since then I've had some sleeping problems, headaches and pain in my stomach. But nothing too major. However the main reason I am here is because of PSSD(Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction) if that term even applies with 5htp. I first noticed problems last summer when I met a girl. I had problems with getting an erection hard enough for intercourse. I never thought much of it at the time because I didn't really like her too much. However I met someone I did like about 4 months ago and had the same problem with my erections. I also had problems getting an erection when I masturbated which started about 4 months ago, and was getting delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation and loss of feeling which was a real alarm for me. I wasn't too much into porn when I did masturbate before and just used my thoughts(hot women etc) when I did masturbate. But once I started having problems with my erections I started watching porn thinking that it would help. But it didn't really help that much or if anything made it worse. So I went to the doctor got blood work done, urinalysis and check for low testosterone and he said everything was fine, it's just Psychological. Since I stopped taking 5htp 2 months ago and all supplements my erections have improved somewhat and get the "morning wood" on and off but it's still a big challenge. My question to everyone on here is do you think 5htp can be the cause of my sexual dysfunctions? I've read posts from other members that have had pssd but again that was from taking prescribed anti-depressents and not 5htp? Sorry for the long read and I hope this was the right place to post this. I don't know what else to do. Thank you all for reading.
  18. Hello, I am 24 years old, male and have suffered from anxiety disorder since childhood. The slightest excitement makes me nauseous, causing me to vomit. Over time it got worse and worse until I decided at 18 that I would start therapy. I did this for 3 years, unfortunately without success. At 23 (late 2019) I started taking Paroxetine (20 mg) because I had extreme university stress and was about to graduate. Within a few weeks I was feeling fabulous. The anxiety and nausea were just gone. I found my first job, my first girlfriend, and was able to do things I had never done before. I also had no side effects whatsoever. Anyway, I didn't really notice any changes. The side effects that occurred when I started paroxetine are gone (numb penis). However, I decided to stop paroxetine again and was hoping that I could go on without medication. Within 2-3 weeks, I stopped paroxetine. That was December 2020, however, within a few days I started to suffer of premature ejaculation. But after a few weeks, this side effect was gone. I was then perfectly fine without the drug for the next 6 months. Until I panicked again. So I took paroxetine again. But this time 10 mg. I took this for 2 months and slowly stopped. From 10 mg to 5 mg and then completely stopped after 2 weeks. The reason I didn't want to take paroxetine anymore was that I couldn't have sex. It would have been my first time, however, I had problems to get and hold an erection. Before taking this med, I was kind of hypersexual and aroused easily. I didn't have this problem when I took paroxetine from 2019-2020. The last time I took paroxetine was 08-28-2021. As the last withdrawal, I suffer from premature ejaculation. But it is still difficult to get and hold an erection. I also have the feeling that it actually got worse when I stopped. Also the desire to cuddle is not there. I feel very little love. Something like anhedonia? To me it sounds like PSSD. I don't know what to do. I took paroxetine for 1 year and did not have such problems. And these 2 months have destroyed my brain. I should have never taken the drug a second time. Unfortunately, I was never aware of the side effects. I didn't know that side effects could continue after stopping.
  19. Hello everyone. I have spent the past two decades on Effexor and the past year on Nardil. I have now completely stopped all medication and I am having overwhelming anxiety that subsides by the evening. Very consistent intrusive rumination on unreasonable fears that increases the anxiety to unfathomable levels. I started taking the medication very young, but I’ve never experienced anxiety like this. I had steady and debilitating withdrawal while coming off the Nardil, but not anxiety. Is this still withdrawal or is this just my underlying condition? I really do not want to go back on medication, but I can’t hold out indefinitely. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
  20. Hi all, I'm at a complete loss regarding my situation so I'll start from the beginning. During the summer of 2016 around july I began taking Sertraline 20mg for what I would now describe as mild anxiety, when struggling with initial sides of increased anxiety and sudden insomnia my doctor prescribed me flupentixol which I then took with the sertraline for around 3 months and then went cold turkey on due to severe drowsiness. I continued the sertraline for around 9 months before going cold turkey. I'm so confused regarding my situation because in order to cope with the insomnia I also smoked weed every night whilst taking it to help me sleep which seemed to work wonders. Even after dropping the sertraline I continued smoking weed in order to help me sleep. I had actually never smoked weed prior to this insomnia (I was 26 BTW) and it was a friend's suggestion. Anyway I attempted to quit smoking several times last year after dropping the ssri but noticed an extreme feeling of anxiety at all times whenever I did and and inability to sleep until early hours of the morning. This pattern went on until early this year where I smoked once again before bed internally praying that I would be able to stop somehow. That night and for the next month I suffered the most extreme anxiety attacks I never thought possible, which definitly helped me to cut the weed permanantly. The strange thing is, ever since then I have experienced various symptoms associated with withdrawal which are, Extreme rage/anxiety/depression constantly alternating. Headaches sometimes unbearable migraines. Horrendous restlessness which after reading some accounts on this site I think is akathisia. Burning and aching throughout my body. Extreme hatred towards family and friends which comes and goes. Blurred vison Awful digestive problems (burping nonstop everyday, diarrhea and constipation and bleeding. Bloating Brain fog feels as though someone has hold of my brain smothering it. Vibrating in my ears. Sometimes I spend the entire day crying uncontrollably with anguish twisting my hands and feet with worry and anxiety. Muscles twitching all day and almost zero appetite. I guess my question is, Can withdrawal sometimes take a year to fully manifest? because the weed aswell as cbd oil seemed to keep the anxiety and insomnia at bay then suddenly almost a year after dropping the sertraline I developed all these mental and physical symptoms. Or is there something else wrong with me because I've had cameras in me, been to three different doctors and various homeopaths and they say everything seems fine when it clearly isn't. I've lost my job my friends three stones and it feels as if I've lost control over my entire body and mind. Someone please help lol. I have many other symptoms to an extreme degree but I've actually lost track of everything I'm going through. Still sane though I think.(hope)
  21. Hi all you brave WD-heroes out there! I have been reading a lot of posts on this site during the last year which has given me an enormous comfort when things have been extremly hard. I will try to write my story in english even if I am a swede… So are you ready for my horror story? Its an ongoing nightmare that doesn’t seem to end. Ok here we go… Since my terrible divorce in 2017 my health had been decreasing and in 2019 I finally made the horrible decision to try Sertralin. I have always been sceptical towards SSRI but I was now in a place where I had to try the pills. Right away, from the very first dose, I felt an akward feeling in my body and in my gentials. I started to feel a tiny bit better while taking the pills but I also felt that it affected my CNS. After 4 months I felt ok and thought ”well now I can stop taking this poison and everything will be alright”. OMG I was so wrong….I quit CT because my Dr told me the pills were like candy and that everything would go back to normal the day I stopped taking them. That must have been the lie of all times… Month 1 Brain zaps Month 2 - 5 Completely numb penis Pain in my penis Pain in legs and feet extreme anxiety nervous feeling in my entire body Impossible to have sexual thoughts brain fog Anhedonia DP/DR Need for isolation Cognitive issues Memory issues blurry vision fatigue Month 6 - 9 All the above but now I also got penile atrophy and shrinked penis. I never have morning erections and erections can only be made by force. Month 9-11 Now is were I saw some improvements in my cognitive functions. My body was not as nervous and I had moments of feeling ok (like 50%). My penis did not hurt as much but still severe shrinkage. Month 12 (Now) I still have some cognitive and memory issues and also some brain fog but this has gotten better. Anhedonia and the PSSD is making me really low. Just watching my penis being completely dead and shrunk makes me so afraid and also suicidal. Its like a have electricity from my waist down to my feet making a mess of everything in that area. I have quit alcohol, coffe, sex and training. I can not handle any of this which is something I grief badly. Thinking about a life without sex makes me very suicidal. I am a good looking guy in my late 30’s and I just want to go on with my life and perhaps meet a new partner in the future, that dream seems permanent destroyed because of 4 months on Sertralin. Isn’t that great… It feels that I now only exist because my precious children needs me. I love them so much even if the Anhedonia and DP/DR has affected my feelings for them aswell which is terrible and makes me cry. Going through this WD is so lonely because no one understands what I am going through. I really dont know how much more I can take. Its been so many years of dispair and geting this WD-stuff is just to much. I would say that my brain has gone from 0% to 60% this year which feels good but my penis has gone from 0% to maybe 10%. Getting my penis and sexuality back to 100% seems impossible, something has been broken I guess. Guess I am just looking for some comfort and understanding from people who knows what I am talking about. ❤️ Take care!
  22. Well, first I want to thank Alto for creating this site which helped immensely during those hard times (and there were many ) and also to all the members whom helped along the way. I finished my taper 4 years ago this month after I believe was 3 other month long tapers had failed. This last time I started a 10% taper in December 2013 after being on mostly 10 mg . Paxil and a few runs of 20 mg. I finished my taper I believe April 15th 2015. The last 6 months of the taper which was basically dust particles of Paxil was brutal. The next year was pretty rough with anhedonia and being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I am certain ether Paxil or the antibiotic Levaquin caused (if you read my story you will find that Levaquin started this whole cascading process of decreasing health and medicines. Year two I was feeling better but still not myself. Not really interested in my prior hobbies. Year 3 is when I was really starting to change back to ME again and was interested in lots of things again. The only thin that has held me back is the physical pain from my autoimmune issues. I have considered myself healed for about a year now but it seems like there was even more to come, which is where I'm at now. Doing just great ,although I do have lower libido than I thought I would. Without TMI , was the equivalent of an 18 year old until about the time Paxil pooped out on me. I was 45 then and now 50 so I guess this might be considered normal aging but I will never know🙄. Anyway, all parts work but not as good as before and not as often, so for the PSSD people, it does get better, but at my age now I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be🤔. So there it is in a nutshell, things are really good, I'm in a shitload of pain from AI issues but life is still great. It's been a really long time since I have been on here and I don't visit too often at all anymore because I'm too busy at life. I'm going to post a link to my story so anyone interested can see how I was able to do it. If anyone has any questions, I will try to answer when I can because I'm so damn busy at life again.
  23. Hi all, Long story short. Was anorexic last year until Christmas, starting recovering from that/weight restoring in January 2016. One of the ED therapists I worked with told me anxiety peaks once weight it restored, which happened (although didn't learn this until recently) - end of April 2016 I went into psychiatric hold because the anxiety was making me suicidal. Big mistake. Doc there put me on 20mg of Citalopram. For the next month I did therapy which along with an occasional Benzo resolved the anxiety. By May the Citalopram kicked in, with all its side effects. Extreme nausea, dry heaving, insomnia, weight gain, hunger cues messed up (already were from anorexia, but worsened), acne, gynecomastia, swollen fingers, fatigue - so bad (daily nausea was excrutiating) I nearly killed myself at the end of June. But I finally found a good doc, who through the next month of tests, determined it was the meds. Began tapering first day in August, 20 mg to 15 mg. Took a supp called Serosyn with 5HTP, L-theanine, and B vitamins. Withdrawal consisted of chapped lips in in the first week, increased hunger (I could be full but my brain still screamed to eat), fatigue (different form than when on 20 mg), wired feeling and weight gain. Leveled off a bit after 3 weeks, although I should have stayed there longer (but I didn't because the effects of 20 mg have been so bad that I've been trying to get off asap). 2 and a half weeks ago went down to 10 mg. Like before, chapped lips in the first week, wired feeling persisting, continued weight gain, and insatiable hunger. As before the lips are healing, but the hunger is still messed up (early fullness, insatiable hunger). Tired still, waking up hungry even after eating a lot at night. Haven't exercised in 8 months - first b/c of anorexia recovery, by now b/c exercise messes up my hunger cues/I cannot seem to physically eat enough. Worried I've been too aggressive with the taper, and that I'm doing irreparable damage to my nervous system. I wonder if I should reinstate 15 mg (scared it won't help/cause more complications) and start a slower taper? Seriously scared reinstating will mess things up even more, but equally scared that I've dropped too fast and have messed up my nervous system irreparably (and that my hunger cues/weight, which have been messed since starting anorexia recovery, are doomed for life). tl;dr: 20 mg citalopram was full of terrible side effects, dropped to 15 and then to 10 pretty quickly, and paying the price; wondering if I should wait it out for another week to see if anything improves like the 20-15 drop, or reinstate 15 and go slower from there (also scared I'm ruined for the rest of my life, I've had to quit a lot of things because of this damn med). On the bright side, gynecomastia, acne, and such are improving as expected. But this messed up hunger is getting at me (as is the weight gain and general crap feeling that I've had ever since starting this med).
  24. Branyan's success story: branyan-pssd-successchallenges First posted this today in the Symptoms forum, but since it is my first post I will post it here in hopes i can get some replies Keep in mind, that in addition to the sexual side effects (which in all honesty are the biggest deal to me, considering i lived with all the other symptoms while on the Lexapro itself and maintained a good life) I deal with cognitive difficulty, food and drink sensitivies, etc etc. "Hey all. New here. Since coming off Lexapro (after being on from Mid 2007 to March 2010) I have experience a slow decline in my sexual function which platuead in about Febuary. Generally speaking I feel unaware of my penis and sexual realm. I feel that has something to do with the pudendal nerve. Even when I can achieve an erection it is mostly numb. I cannot get visually aroused 98% of the time, and would be unable to have sex or feel intimacy at this point. This after enjoying 2 very good sexual relationships while on Lexapro. Keep in mind that the sex declined as the years went on on Lexapro. And I am only 23! Interestingly enough, the only facet of my sexual function that is somewhat intact is the actual orgasm which still feels really good. Anyway. I have been over to the YAHOO PSSD group and seen the despair over there. It sounds like this is a permanent deal, although I have had many people try to convince me otherwise. Any success stories out there> "
  25. hi I’m spoonbill I’ve been anhedonic, cognitively impaired and mentally I’ll since highschool I’m 2016 when I abused a lot of adderall and mdma. Although I was more functional. My history also includes a couple years of Prozac st like age 13. But when it really got bad was last December after 5 days of cymbalta. I had tried a few ssris and sunrise for about a week or two previous to the cymbalta. I was also taking various nootropics like psilocybin, nac, lionsmane but I think for those 5 days I was just taking cymbalta anyway this cymbalta completely changed my awareness. It made me more numb, caused pssd, and made my executive functioning waaay worse. I’m like a different person. I’m way more miserable. Less witty and struggle with so much irritation and inability to see social lines and communicate. I just cannot understand how this happened. It feels like brain damage to me. I feel trapped. And suicidal for the first time in my life. It’s been months and only partially improved. I’m working 40 hours a week and suffering. **** man. What do I do? I don’t even like the same things or think or see things the same way any advice is appreciated . Keep your head up. I know how it is.
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