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  1. Hi everyone. first off all i want to say how strong and brave all of you are to be dealing with these nightmare drugs... i have been on and off of these psychiatric drugs,for 5 years. specifically srris (prozac + zoloft) wellbutrin + gabapentin, abilify, and now currently taking lamictal (150 mg.) i am 36 weeks pregnant and terrified of the near future and as i haven't really been able to fully enjoy my pregnancy. or most of my youth... i don't even know what i am thinking or doing. i feel really alone. the reason of going on these meds was from dealing with depression + anxiety most of my life, and bpd + ptsd from abusive narcissistic parents. i attempted suicide right before. took about 50 pills. i had a very dysfunctional family. i am 22 now. i feel lost, most days i feel empty ,hopeless. i don't go out of my house, besides grocery shopping. i have no friends. maybe 1 but i barely ever see her , i have a social phobia ever since starting and withdrawing from these drugs. i developed major anhedonia from stopping the prozac + zoloft. even though i took one of the lowest doses possible. i had only been on these for 9 months or less. i remember stopping, as i was sick of depending on these. they told me they werent addicting and i could stop anytime,they told me nobody has ever had these symptoms, they lookde at me like i was crazy. made me feel isolated. i regret going cold turkey.. i remember being manic on them. severe anxiety, hallucinations insomnia, crawling sensations brain zaps major anhedonia, memory loss, etc. i hadn't been myself since. i was grieving my old self, it is one of the worst things you could ever experience. i didnt even know was possible. but here we are... anyways, i have been off the prozac + zoloft for almost 6 years now and wouldnt ever touch those things again. i took abilify for only a few weeks. amitryptiline once or twice. ambien, once. ativan only for a week. ive been off the gabapentin for almsot 3 years now. i tapered that one. after going off cold turkey off the srris, i went on wellbutrin and took that for 3 years, and gabapentin for 2 years. i went off the wellbutrin for a year, then went back on, which i regret once again. i took the wellbutrin for 9 months then stopped, again,to get pregnant at 150 mg. then went back on... at 8 weeks pregnant for about a month. then stopped. then started a drug called lamictal , i am now at 150 mg. i am just over all of this and wish to be drug free, but it seems impossible at this point and afraid ill never recover completely. i am afraid of experiencing anhedonia memory loss as i did before with the srris + wellbutrin. i have sever memroy loss. i feel like i cant even keep up with a conversation because my mind goes blank.. i have depersonalization now. i just dont want to accept this is the end, this is it,,. it can't be. but how is this any way to live? how am i supposed to raise a child into this world.. it all seems unfair and i feel like an absolute idiot for getting pregnant, i thought it was meant to be at the time, but im second guessing it all now. im very afraid. do you think i could stop the lamictal and get back to my old self one day? ive thought about natural holistic alternatives such as turmeric + lions mane, ginger + l theanine, magnesium, ashwaghanda rhodiola + brahmi + holy basil + cacao coffee, etc. and some work but i dont know if i should continue taking after the pregnancy and just rely on these. i dont want to exist if this is truly how life is.. i wish i never took these awful drugs. i feel its the worst thing that i could have ever done, i want my old life back even if it was so painful. atleast then i still felt alive in a sense. thank you all, i wish you all the best in your recorvery + healing journeys.
  2. Hi everyone, Ok so I'm 1. Extremely grateful that this forum exists 2. Grateful I found it at this stage of my taper journey and not after I effed everything up. I am a 20 year old male. I was diagnosed at the age of 8 with GAD in response to non cooperation with parents / tantrums. (From what I remember.) Medicated at 12 with prozac 20 mg. Diagnoses and pills just piled on from there. ADHD and the merry go round of stimulants at 13 or 14. Many, many different antidepressants , way too many for me to remember. Gradually went from straight A student and avid reader to completely non functional midway through high school with sadness, hopelessness, inability to focus. Laid in bed all day, slept for days, could not get out of bed for school. (Worst of it was at the highest doses of lexapro.) Diagnoses at this point were GAD, ADHD, MDD, Panic disorder. was held back in school, put in partial hospitalization program (more drug experimentation), barely graduated. In 2019 before shipped off to community college my psychiatrist put me on Viibryd 20 or 30mg, Lamotrigine 100mg , Abilify 5mg. This was somewhat more tolerable, although I began compulsive and risk taking behaviors, and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder type 2. Lamotrigine doses were experimented with up to 200mg, Abilify up to 10mg, Viibryd up to 40mg. (40mg Viibryd sent me into quite the manic episode.) Failed out of 2 semesters of community college. Hospital trip panic attacks were had. prescribed clonazepam. By mid 2020 I was fairly stable at the original doses of these 3. White knuckled through crazy brain fog and memory lapses, (almost all of 2019-2020 I barely remember) , somehow transferred into university, failed out of another semester and quit my job after I hit another wall of not being able to do actual schoolwork or job work from focus breaking down. Another hospitalization after deep despair. Abilify kicked up to 10 mg, began sleeping nearly all day, Drs concerned, lowered to 7.5mg. It was late November 2021 I began to question the whole thing and began slowly tapering Abilify , without telling anyone, from 7.5 to 5 to 2.5 and then cold turkey on new years 2022, simultaneously Viibryd from 30 to 20mg (where I remain) and Lamotrigine 125 to 100mg (where I also remain). Brain fog dissipated, focus came back gradually, I was able to read consistently for the first time since early childhood. Compulsivity dissipated as well, can get off my phone, no urges for illegal drug/alcohol use, began exercising, losing weight, healthy eating. Mood feels... completely stable? Not "up" or "down" ... I am now finding my coursework easy and fun. Kinda bittersweet after years of difficulty as you can imagine. Then: Insomnia and nasty joint pain popped up 2 days ago (11 days after last dose of Abilify). Wtf?? It was going so well? I started googling and found this forum, realized I went way too fast, and am now probably in for a wild ride. Anyone have tips on what to expect from here? How effed am I with the abilify withdrawal? Now I'm scared to tackle the viibryd and lamotrigine , I should wait for a while before tapering those right? What can I expect from the taper experience of those 2? Thanks
  3. Hello. I was prescribed klonopin 25 yrs ago. Started to feel ill 5 years ago and started to taper. Made a ton of mistakes and tried meds that were supposed to help but did not. I was at .5mg three times a day Now down to 3/4 of a .5mg pill daily. I'm confused. I feel much worse than before I started to taper but I know updosing did not help. I fear 25 years of use has caused me to be damaged beyond repair. Not sure if in using this site correctly if anyone will see this. Thanks
  4. Hello, I hope everyone reading this is doing well in their recovery journey. I would also like to thank everyone who makes this forum possible. I have been on Prozac for the last 2.5 years at varying doses of 10-30mg (20mg for the majority). It worked wonders until I started experiencing side effects and I really wanted to get off them. However at this time my OCD started rearing it’s head again after I had it under complete control for years. This made me too scared to get off them, and eventually I went on 2mg of abilify to supplement the prozac. I was still feeling side effects, and new issues with cognition and memory. After my OCD got under control, I came off all the drugs. I was on abilify for 5 months and as I said earlier, prozac for 2.5 years. It’s been 2 months off prozac and 4 months off abilify. Right now I am at the lowest I’ve ever been. I have severe depression, brain fog, memory and cognitive loss, and extreme dreaminess. I seem to feel a lot worse after exercise or alcohol. I also have a feeling of non reality that really freaks me out. All of these symptoms I have never felt before and are WAY worse than my initial reasons for getting on the meds. The way I feel now makes those days look like a walk in the park. If anyone else has gone through a similar experience, or could give me some advice that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
  5. I have been told i am depression resistance to Antidepressants. I am on zoloft 150 mg. I have been on AD for 34 years. I have been diagnosed with GAD AND major depression. the other medicines i am taking is Abilify 5mg and clonazepam .5 mg i take at n this morning i cut my antidepressant down to 125 from 150..thought i would do that for one week. i am not sure how to taper my 150 mg of zoloft 10%... i am still depressed and have anxiety. most of my anxiety is being handicap and aging, my husband dying, and where i will end up as i age because i have no children. so most days i start off good. i volunteer for a rescue group so i do that in the morning but come around 1pm i just sit in my recliner and watch tv all day. or just sit and stare in space. last visit with my doctor she wanted me to do Ketamine. they are trying to see if my insurance will cover it. yesterday i found out the my copay for two weeks of the drug was going to 941.00.....i cant afford that. and the side affects scare me. i am not suicidal right now but i was about two years ago.....now i just wish i can go to sleep and never wake up. but i have no plans in harming myself. not sure what else i can write. i am thinking if i am resistant to the antidepressants why am i on them? i see my doctor in 3 mos. any ideas....????
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