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  1. Hey guys, My past medications: these were most recent, from the age of 15 onward: - Pristiq - 100 mg - Abilify - 15 mg - Fluoxetine - 20 mg - L-methyl folate (supplement) - Adderrall XR (in morning) - forget dosage - Adderrall , 2 throughout day - forget dosage When I was 10, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety due to an unstable home life at my Mom’s. I was diagnosed with anxiety and began taking Fluoxetine after an initial meeting with a psychologist followed by a psychiatrist. At age 15, I attempted suicide and was admitted to a teen unit at a local hospital. There, I was placed on many of the medications that would later be incredibly difficult to discontinue. By age 20, I had erectile dysfunction, weighed ≈285 pounds at 6’, couldn’t concentrate on anything, was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, had severely limited vision in both eyes, slept 12 hours per night, had a constant feeling of emptiness, and had an overall feeling of not being present in my life (just kind of floating around). On March 12th, 2020 (yes, at the beginning of the pandemic), I stopped everything Cold Turkey. It probably wasn’t the smartest move, but I’m so glad I did it. I went through about 4 months of what I can only describe as hell. Vomiting, diarrhea, alternating between sleeping for 12 hours and 3 hours per night, and a rollercoaster of emotions I’d never felt before. I’m currently 185 pounds, diabetes free, updated my license yesterday to remove my vision restriction (my vision corrected), have a pretty good running/ weightlifting habit / Nutrition approach going, I just finished 2 years at a local Community College with a 3.2 overall GPA in a transfer program to a B.S. in Chemistry, and life is fantastic. Everything works well, I’m feeling real, genuine emotions for the first time in my life, and I’m thrilled to be alive. The only drawback from this whole discontinuation process is that I now can’t stay in bed for more than 6-7 hours. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, getting the vision restriction from my license removed yesterday prompted me to speak about my story (I guess you could call it a personal milestone). I’m still navigating the whole relationship, being human, and experiencing emotions part of everything but I can say that for once in my life, I’m very happy. Feel free to ask me anything. Thanks everyone, Connor
  2. Hi all. I really need some advice about reinstating. I was on Prozac for about 5 years (started at 20mg and was at 60mg for the last 1.5 years) for seasonal affective disorder and anxiety. A couple years ago, I started Adderall for suspected narcolepsy. My narcolepsy got much worse the following year and another stimulant, armodafinil, was added. I finally got approved for a treatment that treats the root problem by normalizing the sleep cycle and started Xywav in September 2021. A few weeks in, I woke up feeling rested for the first time in my life, but with some very unusual symptoms atypical for Xywav. Going down on the Xywav did not get rid of it. I did stop armodafinil which helped a bit. I was referred to a psychiatrist (scheduled 3 months out) and neurologist (scheduled 7 months out). I went 3 months with these symptoms (SEVERE anxiety, dizziness, tremor, muscle twitching and stiffness, feeling agitated by noise and light, and sensory overloads) and was finally diagnosed with serotonin toxicity from the psychiatrist. I did a rapid taper from 60mg to 20mg over 3 months. Each drop I made, I had withdrawal, then stabilized quickly and had the toxicity come back. My psychiatrist and I decided to try holding at 20mg because of a longer withdrawal period, but then I started to feel like the toxicity was coming back. I kept going and taking the pill because I didn't see how it could be toxicity at that point, but I kept getting worse each time I took it. I started having spasms and burning sensations on my skin and was very hyper-reflexive. I was eventually instructed to CT at 20mg. I immediately felt better the next day, pain and spasms were gone within 3 days and I improved dramatically over the next couple months with only mild withdrawal symptoms. I did treat the mild withdrawal by taking 0.25-0.5mg microdoses of Prozac as needed (which I realize now was probably a bad idea, but it worked at the time). At 4 weeks, I started to have mild tingling in my legs but didn't think much of it. At 6-7 weeks out I felt almost completely recovered and back to normal and then week 8 everything started going downhill with the burning and tingling sensations in my legs amping up. I tried my last microdose of 1mg on June 6 and didn't have much change in symptoms. Over the next several weeks, I developed burning and tingling in my arms, back/spine, chest, neck, face, and now stomach. Along with this, I also have had severe muscle spasms in various areas, stiffness/tightness, cramping, and general muscle/joint pain. Posting this, I have now been off for 4 months and am going through wave and window episodes of severe pain and less pain. Each wave I seem to have burning/tingling neuropathic type pain, muscle pain, spasm, or stiffness developing in a new area of my body, so it’s now widespread. The pain is milder during the day, but gets so much worse at night and is causing lots of fear and anxiety. Since starting 5-htp, curcumin, and modified cictrus pectin (recommend by a naturopath) I seem to be having a few more windows through the day of a lot less pain and even 1-2 nights a week where the pain does not become severe at night. My mental symptoms are anxiety/fear, detachment (happens 6-8pm everyday) and some mood swings/low mood. The intense fear caused by the pain is the worst one. Most of my other symptoms are physical (blurred vision, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, loss of appetite). I know reinstating can be a bit risky this far out, but I am a grad student and the semester will be starting soon. I would like to be more functional than I am... and in less pain. So is it worth trying a reinstatement at this point to see if the pain will go away or should I just try to wait this out? If I do choose to reinstate, my psychiatrist suggested reinstating 5mg, but would it be better to start at 1-2mg and work up? 4 months off at end of July and primary symptoms are pain (burning/tingling neuropathic pain, spasms, stiffness, aches bodywide), blurred vision, dizziness, detachment, nausea, loss of appetite, dry mouth and eyes, mood swings, and a lot of anxiety and fear. A couple other things. One thing I have working for me in withdrawal is my Xywav. I always get 8 hours of quality sleep a night with no insomnia, so maybe that will help me to stabilize just a bit faster than normal (or maybe its wistful thinking...). I also don't think I have a chemical sensitivity. I have started supplements, an antiviral (acyclovir), and lowered the adderall without any obvious worsening of symptoms. Also is there anybody here who can relate to this and has developed a lot of pain in withdrawal? I’m 24 and never had pain before. I have had a full autoimmune and blood work up as well as a brain mri. All normal, so hopefully it's just withdrawal. Sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading and any advice you can offer.
  3. If anyone can offer me some tapering advice I'd be so grateful, I'm really struggling here. I had severe OCD and Tourette's as a child, I was HEAVILY over medicated (Haldol and a bunch of other toxic ****) and then refused meds for 20+ years but smoked pot daily (so I was self medicating). 3 1/2 years ago my son was born and my OCD got significantly worse. I went to a doctor who put me on Sertraline. I was SO SENSITIVE to it - 2 weeks horrible side effects, 2 weeks lessening side effects, 2 weeks the worst side effects, 1 month lessening, 6 weeks feeling really good (better than before the meds it felt like), then wake up one day and over the next week would start to feel more and more depressed with SI that I'd never had before in my life. Then go up again. This was with 12.5 mg increases. I tried liquid but even a .5 increase would cause the same pattern so I just muscled through on the 12.5 increases. Once I got to 200 mg, the same pooping out would happen after 3 months, and the doctor started talking about 300 or 400 mg. I decided I had to do something else. I started Ketamine IV. The initial round of 6 helped with the mood and OCD a TON. However, in the week following, every day I woke up feeling like my sertraline does had doubled. I was drowning in serotonin (or whatever it was that was happening!). I very quickly dropped down to 150 and then 125 and felt better for a month or two, while getting ketamine IV every 3 weeks. I had 0 side effects from the quick drop, but that probably has something to do with the ketamine. But 3 months later, the same crapping out happened. Just one day I'm sobbing and hitting my head and thinking I don't deserve to be alive. Got a new doctor who thought Prozac might be better with the longer half life. Switched to 40 prozac, barely had any side effects. For 5 weeks thought answers were solved.!Then one day I woke up and it was like I was drowning in serotonin again, worse every day. Eventually it was much worse than even post the ketamine IV. So I went down to 30, but I got pretty sick, felt really bad. In retrospect, this was my first time where lowering ***** with my system. I went back to 40 but I was immediately (well, within 48 hours) snowed again. Talked to doctor who said let's try lexapro. I said, can I switch to lowest dose possible and go up if I need it? She said "sure!" Went to 5 lexapro, tapering VERY fast off the prozac over 3 weeks. That was 6 weeks ago, when hell really started. On 5 lexapro alone I started having horrible side effects after 2-3 weeks. Went up to 7.5 but had INCREASE side effects, went back to 5. At this point every dose change was making me have SI and sobbing, feeling insane, ecetera. Decided, can't do the SSRI this is madness. Found a really wonderful place that does microdosing psylocibin, started that 3 weeks ago. It for sure helps, a lot, especially on the non break days. Switched back to 5 of prozac, I had the smoothest experience on the prozac of the 3, honestly felt like Lexapro was poison to me and I was only on it for 6 weeks, half of which was on prozac. So just went back. Debated going to 5 vs 10, but I really wanted to be on the lower dose, so I did 5. My mood is more stable by the day, but I'm having severe brain zaps pretty much all day long. I found this forum, watched all the suggested videos. I now know to do a liquid tape, 5 to 2.5 to 1.25 to .6 to 0, a month at a time, and I won't even start that taper till I'm a month out from these brain zaps. My question is, given how bad my brain zaps currently are, at 2 weeks on the 5 mg of prozac, should I INCREASE the prozac until the brain zaps stop? If I did this I was thinking maybe go to 10 mg, wait 3 days to see if they stop, if they don't go up to 15, so on and so forth, then once they've stopped, at THAT POINT being the 10% taper per month? OR should I just wait at the 5mg of the prozac and once I'm a month past side effects continue. Overall I wish I could just stay at the 5mg, because I'm already here. But if the zaps could be here a LONG TIME, I just can't take that. And maybe it's too late to go back up? I just don't know. Any advice anyone could offer on the best plan, given where I'm currently at, I'd be so so grateful.
  4. I've been meaning to introduce myself for a while now, but getting myself to sit down and actually write something has been so incredibly hard. I just can't focus. Things I want to say or share come in bits and pieces and are gone by the time I can get on this site. I'very been tapering off Lexapro since August and am down to 10 mg fromy 30. I know it's faster than suggested here, but it seems to be OK. Well, I am still alive anyway. Since I can only seem to put together short thoughts on everything and need to get them out right away, I've decided to use Twitter primarily #TweetingMyRecovery. My handle is @AbleWriterSays if anyone cares to join me or follow along.
  5. I've been taking Adderall for 15 years and was prescribed it originally to help with depression. I have stopped taking it while I was pregnant and completely went cold turkey. I lasted 9 months and went right back on it when I was able to after having my baby. Even after 9 months I was still unmotivated and lethargic every single day and I feel like there's nothing I can do to get motivated to even just clean my house and just do the minimal things in life. Its so frustrating and I have quit Adderall a million times for 1 week or 1 month etc. and I always go back to it because I feel like I can't keep up with the basic life events that I have and being an energetic mom and it's so frustrating! Is there anything that can help me feel motivated again without Adderall or is there any medicine or anything anyone can think of or know about at all that you can advise me to do? Ive read a lot of people say to wait it out and your brain heals itself and I feel like my brain will never heal because I've been taking this medicine for so long. Ive tried supplements like Tyrosine and vitamins nothing works. I have thought about trying Modafinil but I'm not sure it's a good fit for me. Please help!
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