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  1. I was put on risperidone 3,0.5mg in the morning and 2mg at bedtime for 3 months, but not only that i was misdiagnosed and its been 4 months off it now and I also cant feel anything, happiness, sadness, creativity, joy, zest for life is gone. my scense of wonder is gone and I have alot of cognitive problums now to like not being able to think right, im slow. I used to love music but now it dosent stimulate me. i cant feel ciggeretts or injoy video games like I used to. im loseing all my friends because there like WTF man and im only 24. I doubt an antidepressant is going to do anything. I was on Celexa but stopped it after 3 weeks because what im feeling is from risperidone not depression. now I also have an inability to communicate, I dream EVERY NIGHT. I cant stay focused anymore I used to build projects from wood but nope, cant do that anymore ither. I used to laugh love injoy parties some of my friends even said i was the life of the party. well, not anymore thats for sure. I dont evin remember what I did a half hour ago. this drug ruined my life so far: my birthday, christmas, family events. my family is wondering what the hell happend to me. I NEED TO RECOVER. ive been chemically lobotomized. at least I can still type to find support on the internet. if i knew they were antipsychotics i would of never takein them. the doc never explained anything to me!, the only things I do feel really is worried i wont come out of this, and being hungry, all i think about now is why did i take these meds and will i ever recover. someone please respond with something positive did anyone recover from this and how long did it take. I ended up in the psyc ward because I smoked weed that was soaked in bleach and I tripped out. never knew the weed was tampered with at the time and then I was misdiagnosed with psycosis. I dont think the bleach weed did any real damage because when I woke up in the hospital I was ok but I was givein risperidone and sent home I should of never took the risperidone. but I did for three months, anyway. long story short I need support in knowing if ill get my emotions and personality back.
  2. ADMIN NOTE Also see: Overwhelmed, demotivated, apathetic? Cannot get going on interest or action Creating a new self after withdrawal Post by BrassMonkey How many of you, apart from the whole gamut of other symptoms, are suffering from emotional numbness as of present? How does it manifest in your case?
  3. Hi everyone, first post on here so will try not to jabber too much. I'm a 40 year old guy and have been on ADs twice in my life. I first took SSRIs when I was prescribed 20mg Fluoxetine for work-related depression around 15 years back. For about a year they seemed to work (in some way I relied on them after I got through the depressive phase) but gradually I felt more and more 'robotic', agitated and detached. And my sex drive went down the pan...lost all interest. In fact, lost all interest in everything. All felt grey. So, after two years on them, stupid me went cold turkey, expecting to return to normality fairly quickly. But it was not so. The disinterest got much worse. I stayed with the CT and it took a good 2yrs for 'me' to come back...though the libido never really did but in 2010 seemed to be showing signs of life again... ...UNTIL I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and was put on 10mg Citalopram back in October 2011. I was told I'd need to stay on the meds as I'd been on them before. I wasn't depressed at the time but blindly went along with the doc as the allergic reaction had shaken me up pretty bad. Initially, I felt mildly euphoric and life felt easy, I felt coolly un-anxious. But I couldn't ejaculate during sex, no matter what. And it got worse, to the point where I felt totally sexless, my desire just vanished in the worst way possible. And I started having crazy moodswings. So the doc switched me to Fluoxetine 20mg, after about a year on the Cit. No change. Dead libido, moodswings got even worse, pacing and inexplicable bursts of anger...so guess what? Cold turkeyed them again. Late 2013, about 4 weeks of big WDs, constant brain zaps and 'delayed vision', followed by huge bouts of anhedonia/apathy that still persist. And THE worst PSSD. No arousal, thrill, just this deadness in the pleasure centres of the brain. I can still love and see attractiveness but that 'engine' is...gone? It's horrendous, feel like half a man, like I'm out in the cold looking in all the time. Had tests, all showed fine but in a really good relationship right now that I fear is gonna suffer down the line. It'd kill me because we're so close and loving but I'm...inconsequential. 8 months and we just don't do it. Don't wanna lose her, we're truly soulmates. Want that connection back. That 'spark' in the brain...not there. For anyone or anything. Hurts so bad. I...just feel unsexual and I can't get my head around it. Nightmare. Am I totally messed up now, any hope, anything I can do? Tried ED drugs, various herbs, "He's dead, Jim". What a pickle.
  4. Hi all, I joined this site several weeks back, tried to create a forum but my internet went out while I was doing so, I don't think it went through, so if this is a repost or posted in the wrong area, I'm sorry. Anyway, long story short, I'm female and close to turning twenty two, I originally started sertraline around 15-16 years old for anxiety, (generalized, panic attacks, and social) and depression. I started at a lower dose but after several years made my way up to 200mg, stayed on it for another several years, and at the age of 21 finally managed to come off them completely after many attempts that failed due to withdrawal. Fast forward to the end/beginning of this year after being off them for around eight months, my suicidal ideation got severe again, and fearing the worst, I jump shipped and started sertraline again because I was afraid of what I may do. After about 2 months on them again at 50mg, I tapered off over about a week and a half because they were giving me brain zaps, reduced sexual function, brain fog, etc, and I realized why I quit in the first place. Now I'm here two months later wondering if I've ruined myself for doing so. I've had a lot of emotional blunting and anhedonia, but the thing that I do not understand is that I am quick to irritability and anger, but nothing else. I can get sad at times, I have cried a few times which I couldn't manage on the short time I went back on the pills, but I used to have full on meltdowns, which I know isn't ideal, but at least it was something. I am an emotional person, and living in this fog and anhedonia is very concerning to me. I had issues with it before on the pills and even the short time off, but not to this extent. I've been trying to be positive, but I'm about two months in and I'm just tired of living through this window, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because sometimes I can feel this literal switch in my body, that is so close to clicking everything back together, but it doesn't. Other times I don't feel a switch at all. I've had more depersonalization episodes which I haven't had before. I always had a bit of dissociation, but the episodes have definitely been worse. I guess I just don't understand why after years of high dosages, constantly going on and off, I could quit fine and return to normal functioning within two months, where as now after a smaller dosage and shorter period, I'm doing way worse two months in now. Sorry if this is too detailed, but I want to be as clear as possible for any other women going through the same thing and to document my personal experience. I also am able to orgasm, but not the way I used to be able to. The short time on the pills I had near 0 interest and orgasm was hard, so while it is good I can do this again, it isn't the same rush as before, and it isn't nearly as pleasurable due to genital numbness. That has gotten better somewhat, I am able to tell if I am touching myself down there and feel the temperature of things, but the pleasure that was there before and the warm feeling is still not back. A little over a month off, I had a couple random times I became wet down there, and would feel more of a throbbing feeling I had before the pills, to elaborate on that I guess aside from the obvious sensation, it was a desire of, holy ****, I need it now! I don't have that anymore, yet again. With enough concentration and thinking about sex enough, I can get somewhat of a desire, but not much. I thought I was getting better a month ago due to the random lubrication and able to feel temperatures again, along with maybe 10-15% of original feeling coming back, but the past month nothing else has changed, and I haven't randomly gotten wet down there or had much of a throbbing sensation since two or three episodes. I guess my question is, what is your experience with withdrawals from anti-depressants? For those of you who have recovered, did it come back at once, or was it a more gradual thing? From my brief time on this site it seems most swing back and forth like a pendulum, getting better than not, then eventually after weeks or months of going back and forth one stone is then officially planted, only to have to fight the next ten ahead, whether it be the fight with emotions or sexual dysfunction. While I certainly would love to hear from everyone, as I have scrolled through many forums on this site, if there are any females my age, I would love to hear your responses in particular just to know there are others like me going through the same thing, and it would help me understand maybe more of what to look for in terms of recovery, though I acknowledge everyone isn't the same. It's just very disheartening being this young and having to worry about this. It sucks, but I have read many success stories and I am trying to stay positive, especially since I have had some recovery, even if it is marginal.
  5. Hello. My name is A and up until 2007, I was a happy well adjusted individual (loving, caring and with a huge amount of empathy for others) with a young family, who was very content with life. Due to an situation at work, I became anxious, and this anxiety did not subside. I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed Citalopram (Citalex) - will hereafter refer to as C). My doctor did not suggest getting off these as soon as possible, instead recommending I stay on them in case I had a relapse (do they recommend cancer drugs to patients in remission). The possible consequences of this course of action were never explained to me. I have been on them pretty much ever since (and when they were working they worked fine), but I have had several attempts to get off them, with no success. I instead became depressed and was put back onto C. My most recent attempt was in mid-December 2016, and initially things appeared to be going OK, in that is I was functioning as would be expected, but without the medication. Unfortunately, my mood deteriorated. I was again signed off sick from work, and despite a further prescription of C (which I have discovered I can now not tolerate - instead it gave me severe headaches and made me confused) I am now totally anhedonic. The question I would like replies to address is whether this state is likely to be permanent, and if so, how do those in a similar sad situation cope with never feeling any pleasure whatsoever. I know I love my family, but there is no "warm fuzzy" feeling inside, just this deadness, whereas before there was love and empathy. What do other forum members feel has been the cause of their depression - life in general (with its ups and downs) or the fact that they have been on an antidepressant for a long time without which, ultimately, their body could not function, i.e. it was the drug itself that led to a depressive state?
  6. Klipsanen

    I cannot talk!

    Hello, is there anyone else who struggles with talking? i can not talk? I used to be so talkative before my medication. My brain is just a huge lump of fog nowadays. Every now and then i only answer questions when asked and only with one word. I can't get any more words out of my mouth, cant even think! Will this problem go away when getting off of medication? (Risperdal) or is it just a part of anhedonia? (Emotional flatness) this problem ruins my relationship with everyone! Sorry for short post, had struggle even write this! Sorry about my english too!
  7. Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story (and hopefully my eventual recovery). I am 20 years old, and was 19 when I started on 50mg of Sertraline I was prescribed it in Feb 2015 for social anxiety and took it for a month. Quit cold turkey because I felt pretty depersonalised, and cause of the sexual side effects. All of my symptoms came on during my time on the drug or shortly afterwards. They are: Dulling of emotion/Anhedonia - Have felt sadness a few times, and anger a few times. No joy, no passion, maybe some flashes of love but that's it. Unable to relate to characters in books/TV. Dimunition of visual imagination - I used to daydream constantly prior to taking the drug. Since cold turkeying the pictures in my mind are very blurred and I am no longer able to daydream. Loss of creativity - Before the drug I used to read a lot, and when I read I always felt like ideas were constantly popping into my brain. Since I stopped medication this no longer happens. I feel like I am reading the words on the page very superficially.. Physical numbness in brain - Feels like there's a great pressure in the frontal lobe of my head, almost like it is torn (but there is no pain) PSSD - No libido, anorgasmia, difficulty getting and maintaining erections (too much information but I want to be thorough here) No fatigue behind eyes - this one isn't necessarily negative, but since stopping the drug my eyes never get tired regardless of how much time I spend using screens or reading. Possible other symptoms that could be unrelated: Muscle twinges (very mild), worsening of eyesight (20/20 vision pre medication), urine delay (is considerably better now) Improvements - I saw very positive changes when it came to anorgasmia and erections around 6 months into my withdrawal. Unfortunately it seems like in the past 2 months things have gone back to square one. The physical pressure in my head varies a lot, and is definitely much better than it was at the start of my withdrawal (though it still gets very bad). I couldn't read for the first 6 months of this withdrawal because I got absolutely no enjoyment out of it and that was depressing because I used to love reading prior to the drug. Now I read a bit, and it feels nicer than doing nothing I guess, but seriously if that's an improvement in my anhedonia then it's 0% to 1%, because I still have zero positive emotion. General - I feel hopeless about recovery a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts but would never commit suicide because of the effect that would have on my mum. I browse through the forums looking for recovery stories, but it seems like most people who recover haven't had this constant anhedonia, and were in a more turbulent emotional withdrawal. If anyone who is in my position, or anyone who was in my position but recovered, could reply I'd be very grateful. Many thanks, Raven
  8. After close to 18 months on Citalopram, I decided to wean off the medication in August as I ascribed a feeling of mental numbness to the drug. The first week off I felt fine. Weeks 2-4 were hellish as I experienced strange tingling sensations, insomnia, depersonalisation and extreme periods of agitation. However, after close to six weeks off the drug, I still don’t feel like myself. I’m apathetic. My concentration is non-existent despite taking medication for ADHD. My brain is extremely foggy, and I don’t feel connnected to myself or those around me. Whilst I didn’t quite adhere to my discontinuation plan and admittedly weaned off Citalopram far too quickly, I didn’t expect to feel so utterly lost in myself after almost six weeks off the med. My doctor is in the process of conferring with a psychologist with regards to taking a different medication for anxiety but I’m reluctant to go back on an SSRI. Unfortunately I don’t know if I’m still struggling with SSRI withdrawal syndrome or if it’s a resurfacing of depression and/or a high level of anxiety. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has experienced similar difficulties after discontinuing an anti-depressant and what helped you in your respective recoveries. Thanks.
  9. My experience with antidepressants started in June 2017, when I was prescribed Nortriptyline(Older generation antidepressant) to treat my nerve pain. It was almost miraculous in reducing my symptoms, but I found out the hard way about it’s sinister side effects. When I started the drug I was in relatively perfect mental health, but it didn’t stay that way for long. Within two weeks it was like I had been given a chemical lobotomy. I lost all sense of satisfaction and interest in life, had a drastically reduced sex drive, and just felt constantly numb 24/7. I came to realize that this drug was poison to me, and I attempted to get off after two months. Even though I was on a low dose I started to experience fairly significant withdrawal symptoms(although they weren’t even close to the hell that other members of this forum have gone through), with anxiety attacks and a feverish feeling. I ended up tapering off in Thanksgiving after being on Nortriptyline for about have a year. To my dismay, my symptoms did not improve after getting off. In fact, they were even worse. I was filled with a sense of utter despair and anhedonia, struggling to get through every day. I found that magnesium supplementation lifted the sense of hopelessness, but the mind numbing apathy to everything in life remained. It’s now been over 6 months since I got off Nortriptyline, and my symptoms have improved very little. I’m still stuck with a moderate depression and anhedonia, which feels like all the color has been drained out of my life. Before going on an antidepressant I used to wake up in a great mood every morning excited for the day, but now I dread it. Life used to feel euphoric for me, but now it’s just completely dull. I also suffer from a drastically reduced sex drive, which is a big deal for a 20 year old male. I’ve been trying to take things day by day, but the fact I’ve now been off for longer than I was taking it in the first place is making me terrified that I’ll never be the same person I used to be ever again. The only thing that gives me hope is that every few weeks my mood brightens, and I feel normal again. Unfortunately I can never pinpoint the cause, and the feeling only lasts a few hours. I guess only time will tell if I’ll recover or if I’ve suffered permanent brain damage from this drug.
  10. On December 21, 2017, my father and I went to psychiatrist because my brain cant stop from thinking and I cant sleep that much. I was diagnosed having Adjustment Disorder with mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood. The doctor gave Risperidone. He said I need it to relax my mind and to help me to sleep. Taking it for 1 month, I experienced that I cant breathe through my nose, numbness in my thumb, some tingling in my hands, and got my eyes darken. I really dont know that these were side effects. Im so out of hope now, because i feel so regretful taking Risperidone (meds) for 2months and 1 week. I was on 1mg of it for 1month and then when i told my doctor that I cant sleep he increased it to 2mg (i took 2mg of it for 3wks) then i tried to taper it down to 1mg for i think almost a week. But theres one night came I cant sleep and cant breathe so, I quickly stop taking the Risperidone. Also, my father and I told about my situation to the doctor but it seems like he has no care :(. He said that I can stop the meds if i want to. If only I knew that the doctor is like that I never went to a psychiatrist These are what I feel. I cant sleep normally. I cant be myself. I used to be the one opening up a conversation and sharing stories but now i dont feel like to. Most painful of all is that... I cant feel. I cant feel the emotions. I feel like numb. I cant do my passion-music and arts. I love singing, dancing, and acting. I cant feel the emotions when im watching or when people are talking. I cant also feel the empathy and sympathy. I used to be an expressive and a happy person. I cant feel i am myself. Its been 1 month and 2 days off of it. I experienced little numbness in my left arm. I told it to my mother then she massaged it. The numbness gone after that. I think there's an improvement in my sleep. Sometimes I can sleep but I dont know if I really sleep. I regret that I did not continue reading about Risperidone before taking it I dont know how to live like this. Im hoping that my brain (all in it) will heal and repair itself.
  11. I've been off of this drug for about 8 months now. I was on 3mg for 4 months I have no drive, passion, or interest in anything. The zest of life is gone and I'm simply existing. I can't start a conversation much less contribute to one someone else has started. I'm trying to "fake it till you make it", but it's getting old. I don't remember the last time I truly laughed. Love and joy are things I see other people display and I am yearning to experience those emotions again. I have no sex drive. I hate to sound like I'm throwing a pity party, but I feel like my quality of life is ruined and I see no hope. Like, I'm afraid I'll be like this for the rest of my life and I'm only 29. How LONG does it take for you to get your emotions back? If ever? Someone give me some hope....please?
  12. Hello Everybody from the community, I would like to share my story where I was diagnosed with drug induced delusions. I was put on anti psychotics Zyprexa and Invega for 8 months starting January until September. I have quit cold turkey about 2 months ago after suffering from emotional blunting, social withdrawal anhedonia and lost my ability to communicate and socialize. Since then I have not really suffered much withdrawal effects except anxiety which has significantly decreased. However, I still suffer from anhedonia and emotional blunting and cannot enjoy things that I used to in the past. I cannot enjoy music, alcohol, and simply conversations with friends. I used to be very outgoing and enjoyed meeting new people but now I simply do not have the motivation to do so. Will this ever go away? Is two months off anti psychotics enough to judge or must I wait for some more time? Thanks to all
  13. In brief: in 2017 took bupropion 150mg 5 days, 300mg 8 days and very abruptly experienced pain in testicles, loss of libido, 80% ED, genital and other skin numbness. Stopped due to this ct and ran into a terrible state including total anhedonia, deep amotivation, loss of appetite, loss of tiredness and panic-like anxiety for multiple weeks. 11 months later no real improvements beside less anxiety, using remeron 15mg and getting some sleep. All in all very wide and disastrous symptoms. So bad, had to leave job and basically have been in bed ever since. Nothing feels and motivates. Lately also quite severe anxiety attacks for hours. Scared and worried about ever recovering. Pssd alone is a tragedy, but having lost all emotions and motivation and will to live is even more devastating. Really sad about the small number of found recovery stories in contrast to number of sufferers. Bupropion is no safer than 'ssri' s. Forget about the categories, they are all poisons. I deeply regret ever taking one, which I did after weeks of thinking. Was so anxious that I fell for the 'marketed safe' one. It turned out to be a disaster and made the original state even worse (depression and anxiety into panic). I am really angry for these poisons and their prescribers being legal. Ready to join into any group/class suite etc. It is unbelievable how the pdocs cover themselves and each other all over the world using same phrases and not even 'believing' the victim. Many say they are clueless, I say they are collegially lying. To them it is nothing if 1 or even 5 in 100 get the devastating lasting symptoms. It is still low enough to claim that everything is due to depression etc. Glad to hear any encouraging recovery stories or talk PM with similar cases.
  14. Hi Everyone. I am obviously new to this forum, and this is also my very first post on any forum on the internet, so it will be very interesting for me. I have suffered with bouts of depression for a long time, but they have gotten worse over the years. I don't think the anti-depressants have helped me at all. At the start of this year i decided i had enough of being on medication, i had been on fluoxetine for a period of 3.5 years, and had steadily deteriorated over that time. It changed me profoundly, i became more depressed, more agressive in my arrogance which affected my relationships, i put on weight even though i eat very healthily, i lacked the ability to get pleasure from many things, and said no, more and more to other people as i new i would not enjoy the activities suggested. As i had been on antidepressants twice before, i new the gp prescribed way of come off them and in my arrogance, did it without the aid of my gp. Through my history with gp's i had a different one every time due to staff turnover at my local surgery, this did not help me, and i feel i did not receive the support i needed, i was never once advised about the dangers of long term usage, and was fobbed off whenever i suggested any of my side effects were due to the medication. So, having only just found this forum, i can see that i may have tapered my medication in much too short a time. At that particular time i was going through a rough patch anyway, so couldn't clearly see how good or bad i was doing at each reduction in dosage. Over this year my depression has become worse than i have ever experienced, and i also am suffering from severe anhedonia. Inability to make decisions has been a major problem, and also believing that what i had was not what i wanted, and that i wanted something else has been a problem, as when i get that other thing, it is not what i imagined it to be. Subsequently, i have lost my beautiful, amazing long term partner through it. I struggle to spend time with anyone, as i don't feel anything while with them. I was working on a house renovation with my partners support, and now i am truly on my own trying to work everyday through the tears. So i have a few questions that if anyone would care to give any input/advice on it would be most appreciated. My last dosage was early april this year, now bearing in mind i tapered so quickly, would i benefit from going back on the meds and tapering more slowly, or as i have been free of the meds for 7/8 months, should i just ride it out hoping that things will improve soon? As my current situation is feelings of great loss, and loneliness, are the daily bouts of crying etc. (Which i know are normal reactions) an indication that i am starting to feel things again, and my anhedonia is lifting, or could i still be feeling this way while still being anhedonic in general? Over this year i have been fluctuating between bouts of severe depression and bouts of severe anhedonia, is this normal? Have people experienced anhedonia while on medication, as i believe during the last year and half of being on the meds i have been anhedonic? This is evidenced by that fact that my father was diagnosed with cancer during that time (he has thankfully recovered fully) and i felt very little. I obviously wanted him to live longer because i love him dearly, but i experienced no worry, and actually felt irritable at times that there was extra help required of myself, in terms of taking him to the hospital etc. When i realised i was so apathetic about the situation i felt disgusted with myself obviously. I realise this is a relatively long post, but as it is my first ever post, i am not sure how to do this type of thing, and the protocols required. I have read the posting advice, but if the moderators feel there is too much or too little, or other information required please let me know and i will alter the post if required. This is a dreadful time for me as i see it can be for others, and the fact that i have found this site and see how others are going through similar things and some recovering, it brings me hope. Presently i feel life is very strange. Thanks all. September 2004 - July 2006 - Ecitalopram 20mg. July 2006 - September 2006 - Tapered to nothing. July 2008 - April 2009 - Citalopram 20mg. April 2009 - June 2009 - Tapered to nothing. October 2012 - Started 20mg Fluoxetine. March 2013 - Increased to 40mg Fluoxetine. February 2016 - April 2016 - Tapered to nothing.
  15. So I'm on risperdal at night 1mg and haven't stopped it.But I had an extra 2mg for one week then 1mg for one week,and am trying to come off that.So in total a two week dose. I thought because I only had the increase for two weeks I could taper in two weeks instead of the 10% months and months I'd read.That was a big mistake I should have tapered very slowly.I had half the 1mg for one week,then went down to 0.25 the second week. When I got down to 0.12mg at the end of the second week I developed some sort of anahedonia (lack of enjoyment of things) it's the hardest thing to explain, but when I look at food I have no reaction it's like looking at a rock,when I read my favourite thing - fairy tales,I don't feel enchanted or anything,nothing evokes,that's the main thing.I looked at Christmas things and couldn't feel any Christmas feelings and many other things. But I was still enjoying things, and the last three days the food thing seemed to improve Significantly.Then monday for whatever reason I experienced what felt like withdrawl - nausea and the food issue became bad again and suddenly I felt no excitement over anything. I was still on 0.12mg but increased it to 0.25mg after that withdrawl(reinstate to prevent any further Withdrawl) but experienced withdrawl feelings even today so increased it to 0.25mg plus 0.12mg, so almost half the 1mg. My main concern is that when I jump off this now in months this will just happen again.Maybe even worse? That's why I was even reluctant to increase.But the anahedonia getting worse was too much for me so I felt I had too. when I have the 1mg at night (which I have had every night) it should stop any withdrawl feelings,it doesn't really change anything, so I don't know that increasing the med is even the right thing,but when I do increase it I feel less foggy. I should say I have come off the injection of risperidone four times and never have the slightest withdrawl,I feel normal and fine immediately after just stopping it,not even tapering and sleep fine even. I think it must be the slow release that continues for over a month.But everytime I've tried to come of oral meds(twice) it's been complete disaster.This happened to me three years ago not the ahadedonia but I tried to come off the oral tab,My memory went and I developed constipation, I went for a depot days after (25mg)it happened and it all went away and I just didn't go for the second depot and I still slept fine,experienced no withdrawl. Should I try getting the depot again,and come off that,I'm worried my brain is destabilised now so maybe I have to taper this way. i am thinking about seeing a pdoc(psychiatrist) since I don't have one since I'm Confused what to do. Any advice welcome.
  16. Hey all- Due to an exacerbation of my OCD, I went through a few week period in December 2015/January 2016 where I stopped sleeping. This culminated in me being admitted as an inpatient. Due to the severity of my sleep issues, the psychiatrists suspected that I was in a bipolar mixed state and started me on olanzapine (5mg) and valproic acid (1500mg). I stayed on this regiment for a few months, before lowering the valproic acid to 1000mg and adding lamotrigine (50mg) and trazodone (100mg). Following this, I began to slowly reduce the valproic acid. Around this time, I started seeing an excellent OCD therapist, and we began using exposure response prevention (ERP) to treat the OCD. I decided around this time to start reducing the medications, as I am generally staunchly anti-drug (I was an opiate addict in my teens), and I was never happy to be on them in the first place. I was able to reduce the valproic acid and lamotrigine to zero without too much trouble. However, I ran into a lot of trouble trying to discontinue the olanzapine. I slowly chipped my dosage from 5mg down to 1.25mg over a couple months. Each reduction was met with horrible insomnia and general feelings of panic/malaise. When I got down to ~1mg olanazapine, I was hit with a sudden severe akathisia. I had to take leave from work, and it became so dire that my parents had to alternate days off work to come sit with me. I eventually found a new psychatrist who agreed to help me wean off the medications and explore alternative treatments. He immediately discontinued olanzapine and substituted 50mg quietapine. Luckily, the akathisia faded, but afterwards I seen to have developed severe anhedonia and other issues. I have been slowly reducing my medication, alternating drops biweekly, and my current doses are 2.5mg quietapine and 20mg trazodone. When I first made the switch and came out of the akathisia, I was greeted by fairly severe anhedonia. Interestingly, as time went on and I continued to drop my doses, my symptoms changed drastically. I ended up in a depression that felt markedly like 'dopamine deficiency', and I would often come home from work and immediately fall asleep. I lost all motivation or drive, and was left with little motivation or libido. There have been signs that things are improving, albeit slowly and non-linearly. My current daily symptoms are as follows: -Anhedonia This sucks. I have always been obsessive about numerous hobbies, and I could now care less. There have been some small signs of improvement. The other day I cared enough to buy a nice vintage cast iron pan (I collected them before this whole mess). Generally though, life is joyless and grey. It's like being in a mental straightjacket. -Head/sinus pressure This comes and goes. I can feel it in my teeth sometimes when it gets bad. Usually the pressure is in the front, though sometimes I feel it in the middle/back of my head. -Loss of libido/sexual dysfunction This is the one my OCD is currently latched on to. I can't stop myself from thinking that I've developed PSSD, even though the only ssri-like drug I took was trazodone, and I took relatively low doses. I also had sexual dysfunction arise very quickly after the olanzapine -> quietapine switch, so I want to think that it is unlikely to be the culprit. I don't have the classic presentation in that there is no numbing, I am still very ticklish, etc. I definitely have lack of interest/libido, and I have trouble getting/maintaining erections.They are also not quite as hard, though all of this could be tied back to arousal. I also had some orgasmic anhedonia, though this has improved significantly. The sexual issues may just be just part of the anhedonia. There have been some improvements as time progresses, though it is still very disturbing to me. -Loss of appetite/nausea More than likely from the antipsychotics, olanzapine in particular. Improving a bit. -Constant bad taste in my mouth I generally feel like I am living in an alternate reality where everything is awful. Interestingly, I went on a small vacation right after the switch from olanzapine to quietapine. I felt anhedonic, etc. the whole time. I forced myself to go fishing (One of my favorite activities) and exercise. The last day I was there, I had an OCD episode about something, and had to use ERP techniques to calm myself down. After this, however, I was 100% back for a short period. It only lasted a night though, and things got worse afterwards. I am currently doing a lot to try to improve my situation: - rTMS - I have been doing this daily for a couple of months - Exercise - I probably run ~20-30 miles a week - 10000 Lux light therapy - Fish oil, B-vitamins, vitamin D - Biofeedback 2x weekly There have been improvements. At the beginning, the anhedonia was actively painful, where it mostly now just feels like severe depression. It seems like every day is different. The anhedonia/loss of pleasure is a constant. I mostly feel the no-dopamine feeling, though other times I feel what I can only describe as 'serotonin overload'. It is similar to the nasty feelings that you get when you first begin an SSRI. In general, I just feel unstable. Thanks for reading. I am mainly making this topic to serve as a personal journal during this process, but I look forward to talking to everyone here.
  17. I'm 32 with no prior history of mental health problems. I had a manic and psychotic episode in late May of 2015 after to weeks of starting CPAP therapy for severe sleep apnea. I take a cab to my hometown and admit myself to the hospital because I'm freaked out by my behaviour and my feelings, and after being evaluated I'm given seroquel (25 mg 2x day) and risperidone (2 mg before bed) and end up staying at the psychiatric ward for 5 weeks. After leaving the hospital, I suddenly have no libido and significant fogginess and anhedonia. I get off seroquel and get prescribed lithium (450 mg initially, later 600 mg) because I can't stay awake on the seroquel. I quit the risperidone and then the lithium because I can't take being a fat, bored, pill-dependent zombie. I'm struggling with the risperidone withdrawl, but I'm able to work full time, I'm gradually getting less bored and anxious, and my libido is starting to come back. (I seldom have acute sexual desire, but I'm actually able to get an erection and to get myself off when I make the effort to fantasize about stuff that turns me on, whereas I went weeks without bring able to have an erection or, naturally, to orgasm while I was gullibly poisioning myself with risperidone) I'm just very frustrated that I was never advised that risperidone had such nasty side effects, but I did go from being manic and euphoric to pretty well losing touch with reality. I think I had a dopamine overload because the CPAP therapy improved my sleep and my energy level so incredibly that it felt like a bloody miracle. I started feeling like I was on ecstasy or on a good crystal meth trip or something (wouldn't know...I've only had booze and pot, but based on what I've read...). I felt this incredible euphoria and sense of empathy, and I was writing political rhetoric and coming up with grandiose idea to make the world a better place and to make my place of employment kick butt, but then I lost touch with reality, destroyed some possessions, and blew $200 on a cab ride. Anyways, I just want to be happy again. I want to take pleasure in the stuff that I used to like before all this happened, I want to lose weight and get myself in shape (making process on this front...But I suppose when your BMI is 40, you can lose weight even when lithium and risperidone are dragging you down), I want to fall in love with my job and with my ideals again, I want to be a better version of the person that I was before I got treatment for my sleep apnea. I know it's not the CPAP therapy that does that to me. All it does is ensure that I can breath when I sleep. Common sense dictates that when you stop breathing 100 times an hour and keep waking up and failing to reach REM sleep and spending your days micro-napping, you obviously need medical addition It's dealing with the fact that I experienced something very similar to drug-induced psychosis for what I assume was a dopamine overload, hallucinated the second coming of Jesus Christ while I was psychotic, was surrounded by people with delusional beliefs when I was at the psychiatric ward that fed into the craziness, and then, because of the hallucinations and the religious delusions prior to my coming to grips with the risperidone side-effects, thought I was in Hell. In reality, the anhedonia, the anxiety, and the libido problems were just consequences of my having to deal deal with one of Satan's poisons here on Earth: risperidone. I wish everyone peace, love, happiness, fulfilment, freedom from psychiatry, and awesome sex! And please let and every one of us get better!
  18. Hello, I just found this website looking for continued information on Anhedonia after taking prescription drugs. It started in 2009 and I was 16. I was anxious and full of hormones. My parents took me to a psychiatrist and I was prescribed 10mg Fluoxetine for the anxiety, I took it for one month and when it started taking effect I basically became emotionless. I can remember going to live music and feeling no excitement no enjoyment from the situation. I then was tapered to Venlafaxine and that was gradually raised to 150mg daily. I took Venlafaxine for 4 months. I experienced fewer cognitive side effects from Venlafaxine but it did not reduce my anxiety, and at this point I dropped out of school and became a shut in. The Dr. suggested trying a different SSRI, "Trial and error" he said. As I was tapered to Sertraline I was given 0.5mg of Clonazepam for 4 weeks. The Sertraline was raised to 100mg. I took sertraline for 4 months and it had a simmilar effect to Venlafaxine. Mostly dulling my moods but not reducing anxiety whatsoever. I experienced freqent panic attacks and general Agoraphobia. During one of the panic attacks I was brought to the hospital where I was given enough Lorazepam for 1 week. Then The Dr. decided to add Risperidone to my prescription. Starting at 0.25mg for 3 days, then 0.5mg for one week, raised to 1.0mg for one week. After a check-up I told the Dr. I was feeling nothing and I beleive he may have misinterpreted that as "no effects" but when I said it I meant that I felt no emotions. My dose was raised to 1.5mg daily. After 3 days of 1.5mg I began experiencing Akathisia with no relief of anxiety. With no options in perceived sight I took all of the remaining Risperidone. Approx forty 0.5mg pills. My Parents caught me and called 911. At the hospital I was given charcoal and passed out, waking hours later. After being discharged I continued to take Sertraline as prescribed for 2 months. With no reduction in my anxiety and my emotions being basically non existant I decided to "take the good with the bad" and feel some kind of emotion. Over the next month and a half I slowly weaned myself off Sertraline. Popping open the capsule and throwing away 3-5 tiny XR beads a day. I could have gone to the Dr. for the proper size pills but I didn't trust the doctor and wanted to do it by myself. With years of perspective behind me I have come to realize that I am still experiencing side effects from taking these drugs. Mostly regarding pleasure and my emotional ranges. It makes me uneasy to think about expressing my own sexual ideals but I'm sure someone else is in my shoes. So basically I have healthy libido, I can get physically stimulated and I feel the muscle contractions of orgasm but feel almost no pleasure. Trying to explain this to my family has been difficult, I compare it to a plate of food. I feel more pleasure eating food than having an orgasm. And I'm totally bummed out! On the emotional side I do not expereince the depth of sadness I had before drugs. Nor do I expereince the joy I remember either. I do have what I consider a healthier mood range though. Perhaps that's due to my appreciation of anything other than the hollow emptiness I felt on drugs. It's been years since I've taken prescription drugs or seen a psycologist and I do consider myself to be quite stable and confident. I attribute my recovery from cripping anxiety to growing up and having fewer horomonal changes happening in my body. Aswell as neural changes in the receptors of my brain due to becoming more physically fit, Breathing exercises, and using drugs prescription and otherwise. I hope to add to the community and perhaps get advice on methods of reducing Anhedonia.
  19. I'm Hannah. I was diagnosed with Bipolar1 1.5 years ago when I suffered a psychotic break after serious trauma. I was hospitalized and put on two medications; Tegretol and Risperdal. I stayed on Risperdal for a year and have just weened off the Tegretol. And have been off it for 3 weeks now. I hope I am not alone in my experience of severe anhedonia with the start of these medications. I have lost all emotion. I have been functioning as a zombie for the past year and a half. I feel no joy, love, hope... nothing but flattness. Four months ago my prescriber took me off the Risperdal. I regained some mental clarity and personality after stopping it but had no return of emotion. I am currently taking 200mg of Seraquil, and no other medications for my illness. I am an artist and scientist. I have lost all my passion and heart for my work. I am losing hope and I fear greatly that I am damaged permanently. I don't know what to do from here... All I can do is wait. Does anyone have any advice? Similar stories? Anything helps. I want my life back.I am so afraid this is permanent.
  20. My apathy and inability to care about anything makes me too docile and easily abused by others. I have always been a nice guy, the kind of guy that seems easily abused, but I have always had enough self-love to stop people abusing me, like whenever I saw that someone was socially abusing me in whatever, I knew how to defend myself. I had something inside me to prevent me from being abused. Now the prozac-induced apathy/indifference has made me very very easy to abuse, because I just don't care. Yesterday I was with my friends, and I noticed that I was paying more than them for a shared dinner, and that is something that I would have been pissed off in the past, but yesterday I simply didn't care and I just paid more. Also, some of my friends tend to be a bit abusive sometimes to get what they want. Yesterday one of my friends liked one good-looking girl that we didn't know and he told me to go there and talk to her and then introduce him to her, because he didn't dare to go alone. That's something that I wouldn't do so easily, because I know he wouldn't do that for me, but yesterday I went there and introduced that beautiful girl to him because I just didn't care. The girl liked me more than him and wanted to talk with me (I am more attractive than him, sorry if I sound arrogant, but its just true) but I let them talking alone because I didn't care. If I didn't get paid in a part-time job that I am doing now while finishing my university degree, I wouldn't care. Someone could come and steal me my almost done engineering university degree and I probably wouldn't care neither. Someone could insult me, or said to me absolutely whatever without making me feel bad. He could even punch me in the face, and I think I wouldn't care at all. If I knew for sure that this is temporary and that in for example 6 months I will regain my ability to care, then it would be ok. But I just don't want to stay like this forever
  21. Hi there, I'm glad I've found this site, hopefully it will help awareness of this issue so that real progress can be made. I suffered mild depression for a few years, but never had any sexual issues. After having a pretty short stint on citalopram (around 8 weeks) I got concerned by the complete genital anaesthesia and tapered off. I'm now 11 weeks post and have barely seen any improvement. This is coupled with the kind of emotional blunting a lot of people have talked about. I'm no longer able to feel sad in the same way as I previously did, but neither can I experience emotional or physical ecstasy - I'm kind of stuck in this middle range without any physical or emotional extremes. Blunted. Three weeks ago I started taking Ginkgo Biloba, 240mg daily. I took it for five days, and from day 1 I experienced noticeable improvements in both physical sensation and my emotional experiences. Then, on day 5, I smoked some weed (which used to act as a real sexual stimulant for me), and the effects of the ginkgo all but diminished. I've continued to take it daily (and not smoked any more since), but the initial effects it was having are pretty much non-existent. I'm just wondering if anyone is able to shed any light on this? I know the body can sometimes react in a strong way initially to a drug before going back to how it was, but it just seems too convenient that this happened exactly when I smoked some weed. My (extremely sketchy) hypothesis is that the citalopram somehow set my brain into a kind of new homeostasis i.e. what was "normal" chemical functioning for my brain changed. My experience, and those of others, tells me that this does not have to be permanent, but I do need to find the right sort of "kick" to push my brain back into its old homeostasis. It appears to me that ginkgo was doing this for me, before somehow being majorly affected by the weed. Currently, my plan is to continue with the ginkgo for about three more weeks to give it a chance (that will have been six weeks in total). If that doesn't work I'm going to try inositol, which some people appear to have had incredible recovery with. I'm just frustrated that I seem to have destroyed what was a steady improvement on the ginkgo, and wondered if anyone here had any advice? Thanks.
  22. hello, In the past I took several SSRIs from 2002 - 2009 on and off (i was 14 - 21 years old). The side effects were having no libido and brain fog but disappeard when I dropped the SSRIs. In May my psychiatrist prescribed me tianeptin, I took it only 3 days, but since then I have still a lot of problems like brain fog, anhedonia, insomnia, anxiety and PSSD. I don't know why there is no improvement after half a year and I wonder whether it will ever improve, How can that be after only 3 pills? Can 3 pills have destroyed my life forever? I'm really hopeless about this. Any advices for me? Please help me...
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