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  1. ADMIN NOTE Also see: Overwhelmed, demotivated, apathetic? Cannot get going on interest or action Creating a new self after withdrawal Post by BrassMonkey How many of you, apart from the whole gamut of other symptoms, are suffering from emotional numbness as of present? How does it manifest in your case?
  2. Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story (and hopefully my eventual recovery). I am 20 years old, and was 19 when I started on 50mg of Sertraline I was prescribed it in Feb 2015 for social anxiety and took it for a month. Quit cold turkey because I felt pretty depersonalised, and cause of the sexual side effects. All of my symptoms came on during my time on the drug or shortly afterwards. They are: Dulling of emotion/Anhedonia - Have felt sadness a few times, and anger a few times. No joy, no passion, maybe some flashes of love but that's it. Unable to relate to characters in books/TV. Dimunition of visual imagination - I used to daydream constantly prior to taking the drug. Since cold turkeying the pictures in my mind are very blurred and I am no longer able to daydream. Loss of creativity - Before the drug I used to read a lot, and when I read I always felt like ideas were constantly popping into my brain. Since I stopped medication this no longer happens. I feel like I am reading the words on the page very superficially.. Physical numbness in brain - Feels like there's a great pressure in the frontal lobe of my head, almost like it is torn (but there is no pain) PSSD - No libido, anorgasmia, difficulty getting and maintaining erections (too much information but I want to be thorough here) No fatigue behind eyes - this one isn't necessarily negative, but since stopping the drug my eyes never get tired regardless of how much time I spend using screens or reading. Possible other symptoms that could be unrelated: Muscle twinges (very mild), worsening of eyesight (20/20 vision pre medication), urine delay (is considerably better now) Improvements - I saw very positive changes when it came to anorgasmia and erections around 6 months into my withdrawal. Unfortunately it seems like in the past 2 months things have gone back to square one. The physical pressure in my head varies a lot, and is definitely much better than it was at the start of my withdrawal (though it still gets very bad). I couldn't read for the first 6 months of this withdrawal because I got absolutely no enjoyment out of it and that was depressing because I used to love reading prior to the drug. Now I read a bit, and it feels nicer than doing nothing I guess, but seriously if that's an improvement in my anhedonia then it's 0% to 1%, because I still have zero positive emotion. General - I feel hopeless about recovery a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts but would never commit suicide because of the effect that would have on my mum. I browse through the forums looking for recovery stories, but it seems like most people who recover haven't had this constant anhedonia, and were in a more turbulent emotional withdrawal. If anyone who is in my position, or anyone who was in my position but recovered, could reply I'd be very grateful. Many thanks, Raven
  3. Hello, I am 24 years old, male and have suffered from anxiety disorder since childhood. The slightest excitement makes me nauseous, causing me to vomit. Over time it got worse and worse until I decided at 18 that I would start therapy. I did this for 3 years, unfortunately without success. At 23 (late 2019) I started taking Paroxetine (20 mg) because I had extreme university stress and was about to graduate. Within a few weeks I was feeling fabulous. The anxiety and nausea were just gone. I found my first job, my first girlfriend, and was able to do things I had never done before. I also had no side effects whatsoever. Anyway, I didn't really notice any changes. The side effects that occurred when I started paroxetine are gone (numb penis). However, I decided to stop paroxetine again and was hoping that I could go on without medication. Within 2-3 weeks, I stopped paroxetine. That was December 2020, however, within a few days I started to suffer of premature ejaculation. But after a few weeks, this side effect was gone. I was then perfectly fine without the drug for the next 6 months. Until I panicked again. So I took paroxetine again. But this time 10 mg. I took this for 2 months and slowly stopped. From 10 mg to 5 mg and then completely stopped after 2 weeks. The reason I didn't want to take paroxetine anymore was that I couldn't have sex. It would have been my first time, however, I had problems to get and hold an erection. Before taking this med, I was kind of hypersexual and aroused easily. I didn't have this problem when I took paroxetine from 2019-2020. The last time I took paroxetine was 08-28-2021. As the last withdrawal, I suffer from premature ejaculation. But it is still difficult to get and hold an erection. I also have the feeling that it actually got worse when I stopped. Also the desire to cuddle is not there. I feel very little love. Something like anhedonia? To me it sounds like PSSD. I don't know what to do. I took paroxetine for 1 year and did not have such problems. And these 2 months have destroyed my brain. I should have never taken the drug a second time. Unfortunately, I was never aware of the side effects. I didn't know that side effects could continue after stopping.
  4. I have always been a person that dealt with anxiety, and in college it was really starting to get in the way. I went to my primary care physician around 2014-2015 and was prescribed 20 mg of paroxetine. There was never any discussion of being active or eating a healthy diet. She did say that therapy was more helpful when taking these meds. For the first couple of weeks I remember feeling somewhat "wild," and I wasn't sure what was happening to me. But once that leveled off and I felt somewhat the same, my doctor bumped up my dose to 40 mg. It really did feel like the skies opened up for me. My anxiety was basically 0. I was debating in class and excelling. I was sociable. Everything my old self would have hoped for. But along with that came the side effects. I experienced emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, insomnia and no "high highs" or "low lows" in terms of my emotional range. It was fine. It was better than dealing with crippling anxiety. Until I decided I didn't want to live that way anymore. In 2022 (age 26) I felt like the side effects of paroxetine outweighed my need for them. I was feeling pretty good. I had moved across the country a few years back and my new PCP mentioned she saw so many people on these medications for life and we came to the conclusion that it was best for me to start a taper. There was no talk of withdrawal or what would ensue. We started to bump down 10 mg every two weeks from my 40 mg pills. We met a couple of times throughout the process and the last time was supposed to be when I went from 10 mg to 0. Everything was going fine until that phase. I felt awful. Vertigo, dizziness, irritability, insane thoughts (senses of doom) and brain zaps were just some of my symptoms. I'm not sure how I even made it to work most days. I had to search Google to figure out what was going on with me. I had a hard time reaching my doctor, but when I finally did, she said this was normal and to reinstate if I needed to. She then prescribed me nausea medications that only made things worse. I did my own research and learned that it is sometimes suggested to taper off at the end with fluoxetine. So, when I was around 2.5 mg of paroxetine, I brought it up to my doctor and I switched over and started my taper from 10 mg of fluoxetine. Around that time I found this website and finally had some names to associate with what I was going through. It gave me hope. Things weren't much different, but after about 2 and a half months of physical withdrawal symptoms, I felt like I had made it through. It's hard to put the torture that going through that felt like, so I won't really bother trying. It truly was hell. After that subsided, I had a really great month. I thought that was the end of my story. I distanced myself from this site and what had happened to me. My last dose of antidepressants was February 28, 2022. Fast forward to June. I'm nearing four months off and for the better part of it have been spiraling. I have fallen into a deep depression, which is relentless. I cry every morning. I cry at work. I cry on the phone to my partner. I have anhedonia. I'm doing the things I used to love, and sit there and ask myself why I feel nothing or have a sort of sadness attached to it. Most things feel hopeless and/or pointless. I have an extreme sadness, to which I can't really pinpoint on anything. I didn't really struggle with depression before medications, so how could this be relapse? After diving deeper into this site, I find I might be dealing with protracted withdrawal symptoms. I started seeing a therapist. Yesterday was my second appointment and I told her carefully about the site and what I think I am going through. She asked me what I was "healing" from now that the meds are out of my system and that I should be back to normal. That this is my "normal." She said now that I'm off my medications, it might be easier to see how they were actually helping me. And that meds can actually bring up my mood and balance it in order for therapy to help. She thinks I have a stigma towards them and that actually a lot of people are on them long-term. In the best way I knew how, I told her I'd like to try and stay off of them for at least around 1 year to see if I'd made any progress. I told her I'm not against reinstating if things don't gradually start getting better. But I'm not ready yet. Not after what I've learned and what I've been through. I am lost. I am so, so lost. In a lot of ways, the emotional symptoms months out are just as bad as the acute physical withdrawals. I find myself constantly wondering if I will ever feel "normal" again. I'd love to hear if anyone has an experience similar to mine or if there's any advice out there. Sometimes I do better when advice or support is directed towards me, though reading through countless threads here of others' accounts did help me. I used to be so positive that time was all it took after reading every success story I could get my hands on, but now I'm shaken and worried. I am feeling low.
  5. Hi. I'm currently having the worst time tapering off Trazodone. However. My problems started in April 2017 with emotional blunting/Anhedonia after coming off Prozac. I went a year after until I started more treatment on Citalopram in October 2018. This didn't help at all (it kept me the same). I switched to Mirtazapine in June 2021. This didn't help at all - the withdrawal gave me insomnia and what I can only describe as shear terror in the pit of my stomach, reducing me to a shaking crying wreck with no hope. Then came Prozac a second time and within the month I experienced overwhelming Depersonalisation and Derealization, my skin felt like rubber and being so emotionally stunted I couldn't even think my thoughts and my suicidal thoughts and feelings hit a peak. I switched over to Trazodone - in the first week I started to violently shake, however this also put me to sleep. On higher doses it increased my Derealization and caused me to shake. - on lower doses I stared to feel better, the shakes were gone and my Derealization lowered. I've gone three weeks now without medication and I'm truly skeptical about them. This week has been particularly hard. I've been constantly suicidal over the past few months and need advice.
  6. Well, first I want to thank Alto for creating this site which helped immensely during those hard times (and there were many ) and also to all the members whom helped along the way. I finished my taper 4 years ago this month after I believe was 3 other month long tapers had failed. This last time I started a 10% taper in December 2013 after being on mostly 10 mg . Paxil and a few runs of 20 mg. I finished my taper I believe April 15th 2015. The last 6 months of the taper which was basically dust particles of Paxil was brutal. The next year was pretty rough with anhedonia and being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I am certain ether Paxil or the antibiotic Levaquin caused (if you read my story you will find that Levaquin started this whole cascading process of decreasing health and medicines. Year two I was feeling better but still not myself. Not really interested in my prior hobbies. Year 3 is when I was really starting to change back to ME again and was interested in lots of things again. The only thin that has held me back is the physical pain from my autoimmune issues. I have considered myself healed for about a year now but it seems like there was even more to come, which is where I'm at now. Doing just great ,although I do have lower libido than I thought I would. Without TMI , was the equivalent of an 18 year old until about the time Paxil pooped out on me. I was 45 then and now 50 so I guess this might be considered normal aging but I will never know🙄. Anyway, all parts work but not as good as before and not as often, so for the PSSD people, it does get better, but at my age now I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be🤔. So there it is in a nutshell, things are really good, I'm in a shitload of pain from AI issues but life is still great. It's been a really long time since I have been on here and I don't visit too often at all anymore because I'm too busy at life. I'm going to post a link to my story so anyone interested can see how I was able to do it. If anyone has any questions, I will try to answer when I can because I'm so damn busy at life again.
  7. Hi everyone. first off all i want to say how strong and brave all of you are to be dealing with these nightmare drugs... i have been on and off of these psychiatric drugs,for 5 years. specifically srris (prozac + zoloft) wellbutrin + gabapentin, abilify, and now currently taking lamictal (150 mg.) i am 36 weeks pregnant and terrified of the near future and as i haven't really been able to fully enjoy my pregnancy. or most of my youth... i don't even know what i am thinking or doing. i feel really alone. the reason of going on these meds was from dealing with depression + anxiety most of my life, and bpd + ptsd from abusive narcissistic parents. i attempted suicide right before. took about 50 pills. i had a very dysfunctional family. i am 22 now. i feel lost, most days i feel empty ,hopeless. i don't go out of my house, besides grocery shopping. i have no friends. maybe 1 but i barely ever see her , i have a social phobia ever since starting and withdrawing from these drugs. i developed major anhedonia from stopping the prozac + zoloft. even though i took one of the lowest doses possible. i had only been on these for 9 months or less. i remember stopping, as i was sick of depending on these. they told me they werent addicting and i could stop anytime,they told me nobody has ever had these symptoms, they lookde at me like i was crazy. made me feel isolated. i regret going cold turkey.. i remember being manic on them. severe anxiety, hallucinations insomnia, crawling sensations brain zaps major anhedonia, memory loss, etc. i hadn't been myself since. i was grieving my old self, it is one of the worst things you could ever experience. i didnt even know was possible. but here we are... anyways, i have been off the prozac + zoloft for almost 6 years now and wouldnt ever touch those things again. i took abilify for only a few weeks. amitryptiline once or twice. ambien, once. ativan only for a week. ive been off the gabapentin for almsot 3 years now. i tapered that one. after going off cold turkey off the srris, i went on wellbutrin and took that for 3 years, and gabapentin for 2 years. i went off the wellbutrin for a year, then went back on, which i regret once again. i took the wellbutrin for 9 months then stopped, again,to get pregnant at 150 mg. then went back on... at 8 weeks pregnant for about a month. then stopped. then started a drug called lamictal , i am now at 150 mg. i am just over all of this and wish to be drug free, but it seems impossible at this point and afraid ill never recover completely. i am afraid of experiencing anhedonia memory loss as i did before with the srris + wellbutrin. i have sever memroy loss. i feel like i cant even keep up with a conversation because my mind goes blank.. i have depersonalization now. i just dont want to accept this is the end, this is it,,. it can't be. but how is this any way to live? how am i supposed to raise a child into this world.. it all seems unfair and i feel like an absolute idiot for getting pregnant, i thought it was meant to be at the time, but im second guessing it all now. im very afraid. do you think i could stop the lamictal and get back to my old self one day? ive thought about natural holistic alternatives such as turmeric + lions mane, ginger + l theanine, magnesium, ashwaghanda rhodiola + brahmi + holy basil + cacao coffee, etc. and some work but i dont know if i should continue taking after the pregnancy and just rely on these. i dont want to exist if this is truly how life is.. i wish i never took these awful drugs. i feel its the worst thing that i could have ever done, i want my old life back even if it was so painful. atleast then i still felt alive in a sense. thank you all, i wish you all the best in your recorvery + healing journeys.
  8. Hello. My name is A and up until 2007, I was a happy well adjusted individual (loving, caring and with a huge amount of empathy for others) with a young family, who was very content with life. Due to an situation at work, I became anxious, and this anxiety did not subside. I visited my doctor, who immediately prescribed Citalopram (Citalex) - will hereafter refer to as C). My doctor did not suggest getting off these as soon as possible, instead recommending I stay on them in case I had a relapse (do they recommend cancer drugs to patients in remission). The possible consequences of this course of action were never explained to me. I have been on them pretty much ever since (and when they were working they worked fine), but I have had several attempts to get off them, with no success. I instead became depressed and was put back onto C. My most recent attempt was in mid-December 2016, and initially things appeared to be going OK, in that is I was functioning as would be expected, but without the medication. Unfortunately, my mood deteriorated. I was again signed off sick from work, and despite a further prescription of C (which I have discovered I can now not tolerate - instead it gave me severe headaches and made me confused) I am now totally anhedonic. The question I would like replies to address is whether this state is likely to be permanent, and if so, how do those in a similar sad situation cope with never feeling any pleasure whatsoever. I know I love my family, but there is no "warm fuzzy" feeling inside, just this deadness, whereas before there was love and empathy. What do other forum members feel has been the cause of their depression - life in general (with its ups and downs) or the fact that they have been on an antidepressant for a long time without which, ultimately, their body could not function, i.e. it was the drug itself that led to a depressive state?
  9. Hi all, I'm grateful to have found this place. I have the feeling I'm going to stick around here for a while... My medication history is as follows: January 2010: start Lexapro 10mg for anxiety attacks due to college-related stress. History of health-OCD. Summer 2014: start tapering Lexapro February 2015: crash at 1.25mg Lexapro. 8 months of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. April 2015: reinstated 20mg Lexapro November 2015 - June 2021: tapered Lexapro from 20mg to 10mg 9th June 9 2021: crashed. Severe panic attacks, immediate suicidal ideation. Not sure whether this is from W/D since this happened at 10mg of Lexapro? Updosed to 12mg Lexapro. Updosed to 15mg Lexapro. 15 August 2021: hospitalised with severe clinical depression with OCD-treats. In 8 weeks time, doctors updose Lexapro to 20mg, then down again to 10mg. They add Seroquell up to 200mg (but got RLS because of this). Seroquell was stopped again. 15 October 2021: further hospitalised, where I follow therapies like CBT, DBT, MBT, MFN, ... 1 November 2021: doctors switch Lexapro to Paxil for ongoing anxiety and OCD. 1 week of 10mg, 2 weeks of 20mg. Helps with mood and energy but anxiety is still high. Feel mania-like. Sex drive highly increased when coming off the Lexapro, but by the time I reach a dose of 20mg Paxil, I feel completely numb. 29 November 2021: Paxil down again to 10mg. 2 December 2021: Paxil down to 5mg. 5 December 2021: 0mg Paxil. W/D starts with severe anxiety attacks, insomnia, inner restlessness, brain zaps, nausea, dizziness. 9 December 2021: reinstated 5mg Paxil. W/D symptoms reside, anxiety and despair remain. 24 December 2021: added 25mg Anafranil (clomipramine) for anxiety and OCD. After 2 doses, complete anhedonia sets in. I feel detached from everything and everyone. Also sex drive (arousal, libido) is completely lost, I fear for PSSD. 28 December 2021: take last dose of clomipramine 25mg. I had hoped that the anhedonia would be triggered by the clomipramine and that by quitting this, my feelings would return. Unfortunately I did not experience this. My guess is that the Paxil might cause this, as well as causing the complete loss of sex drive. 1 January 2022: quit 5mg Paxil (which I was on since about November 1 2021). Since then, I have had severe anhedonia (or DP/DR?). It scares the hell out of me, I feel so detached. I expect the other W/D symptoms will come as well... I again feel suicidal, but now in a more rational way. I cannot see myself living a life without emotions. For someone who's a HSP, this is the complete opposite of what I have always been. I really do not want to take the Paxil any longer, since it destroyed my sex drive and I fear it will continue to do this for as long as I take it. I'm also not sure whether I should reinstate anything, and which of these three meds? To make things even more complicated, the doctor at the hospital urged me to updose the clomipramine to 50mg. But I really don't dare to take it, since I was already so emotionally anesthetized at 25mg. I guess my main questions right now are: - Will this anhedonia go away? Is it likely to be medicine- of W/D-related? I never had this before, not even when struggling with depression. It feels so chemically induced. - Could I really have PSSD from only 6 weeks on Paxil? Is it likely that this will go away as well? - Should I reinstate? But which medicine, and at which dose? I really fear the anhedonia and the loss of libido and I am certain this is caused by the meds so I am very reluctant to take these again... It is so hard to realise what these drugs have taken away from me. I literally feel gutted now that my emotions are taken away from me. I feel there is nothing of me left anymore... I'm sure I will update here again when other W/D-symptoms come up. Thank you very much for any given support.
  10. Hello everyone, I don’t even know where to start. My 19 years old girlfriend was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, depression and OCD in 2015 when she was 13 years old. She was also hospitalized 3 times. We’re together for 9 months. This month, roughly month after tapering off Cipralex, my girlfriend started having, which I think are withdrawal symptoms (suicidal ideation, really bad anhedonia, drowsiness, sometimes pressure like feeling on the whole head). She told me she experienced anhedonia even in year 2018 after mental “downfall” (complete fall to the depression and suicidal black hole) after cold turkeying Zoloft and Abilify (don’t remember the dosage, haven’t taken those regularly) and feelings haven’t come back since, maybe only briefly. Before that she normally felt every emotion. She had psychiatric appointment yesterday and she’s supposed to start taking Abilify again, which I don’t know it’s a good idea with the cocktail she already have. Her psychiatrist also said, there’s possibility of her not taking these drugs the whole lifetime and also said the tapering Cipralex wasn’t that fast while simultaneously starting Brintellix (vortioxetine). I just want her to be happy and help. I don’t know how to help her with getting her feelings back and whether that’s still a WD symptom after 2018 fall. The thing she’s deeply sad about the most is the emotional numbness. She’s also experiencing loss of libido from year 2018. I have a hope she doesn’t have to take those drugs forever, but don’t know whether she should start tapering them now or not or maybe later? Is Abilify a good idea? Is emotional numbness caused by the pills or rather withdrawal? Any advice on what to do is greatly appreciated. Thank you bunch, everyone.
  11. HI, I'm new to the community and at this point am very scared. I will give a quick history and then a couple questions that I would love help with, if you don't mind. I have been on and off prozac for around 9 years(as needed). I was diagnosed with PPD after my son was born. I never experienced emotional blunting while just on the prozac. However, in Dec. 2017 I had a breakdown after suffering a big T (trauma). My doctor prescribed me Abilify to go along with my antidepressant. I almost immediately felt emotionally blunted, and asked if it could be the drugs. I never took them extremely regularly. I would go a month and do great then come off for weeks because I hated how they made me feel. After much research I decided to come off of every thing in May 2020. I have just hit a wall of anhedonia. I would have never dreamed it would get this much worse after being off the medicine this long. Here are my questions: 1. Is it common to have anhedonia set in this late in the withdraw process? 2. Will this last forever, or will my full range of emotions come back? Have I done permanent damage? Thank you in advance. Prozac - 20 mg; On and off since Nov. 2010 Abilify - 5mg ; On and off since Feb.2018
  12. In brief: in 2017 took bupropion 150mg 5 days, 300mg 8 days and very abruptly experienced pain in testicles, loss of libido, 80% ED, genital and other skin numbness. Stopped due to this ct and ran into a terrible state including total anhedonia, deep amotivation, loss of appetite, loss of tiredness and panic-like anxiety for multiple weeks. 11 months later no real improvements beside less anxiety, using remeron 15mg and getting some sleep. All in all very wide and disastrous symptoms. So bad, had to leave job and basically have been in bed ever since. Nothing feels and motivates. Lately also quite severe anxiety attacks for hours. Scared and worried about ever recovering. Pssd alone is a tragedy, but having lost all emotions and motivation and will to live is even more devastating. Really sad about the small number of found recovery stories in contrast to number of sufferers. Bupropion is no safer than 'ssri' s. Forget about the categories, they are all poisons. I deeply regret ever taking one, which I did after weeks of thinking. Was so anxious that I fell for the 'marketed safe' one. It turned out to be a disaster and made the original state even worse (depression and anxiety into panic). I am really angry for these poisons and their prescribers being legal. Ready to join into any group/class suite etc. It is unbelievable how the pdocs cover themselves and each other all over the world using same phrases and not even 'believing' the victim. Many say they are clueless, I say they are collegially lying. To them it is nothing if 1 or even 5 in 100 get the devastating lasting symptoms. It is still low enough to claim that everything is due to depression etc. Glad to hear any encouraging recovery stories or talk PM with similar cases.
  13. i used escitalopram from march 2019, and took my last dose february 2020. i felt terrible almost the whole time on the medication. i had to quit. i felt like a zombie, no feelings, no happy feelings, only i could feel was sadness. i tapered slowly. and after my last small dose in february, im feeling like a zombie. my emotions did not come back. its 13 weeks since i quitted. i can not feel happiness. when will this nightmare get better? im feeling a little sad EVERYDAY. my life is perfect, and i want to be happy, and i could be, but i feel like escitalopram has destroyed my mental health. I DONT FEEL any happiness. i cant feel it. what do i do? when do i get back to normal? all i want to have is normal mental health and a normal mood. it is destroying me. any help?
  14. I was put on risperidone 3,0.5mg in the morning and 2mg at bedtime for 3 months, but not only that i was misdiagnosed and its been 4 months off it now and I also cant feel anything, happiness, sadness, creativity, joy, zest for life is gone. my scense of wonder is gone and I have alot of cognitive problums now to like not being able to think right, im slow. I used to love music but now it dosent stimulate me. i cant feel ciggeretts or injoy video games like I used to. im loseing all my friends because there like WTF man and im only 24. I doubt an antidepressant is going to do anything. I was on Celexa but stopped it after 3 weeks because what im feeling is from risperidone not depression. now I also have an inability to communicate, I dream EVERY NIGHT. I cant stay focused anymore I used to build projects from wood but nope, cant do that anymore ither. I used to laugh love injoy parties some of my friends even said i was the life of the party. well, not anymore thats for sure. I dont evin remember what I did a half hour ago. this drug ruined my life so far: my birthday, christmas, family events. my family is wondering what the hell happend to me. I NEED TO RECOVER. ive been chemically lobotomized. at least I can still type to find support on the internet. if i knew they were antipsychotics i would of never takein them. the doc never explained anything to me!, the only things I do feel really is worried i wont come out of this, and being hungry, all i think about now is why did i take these meds and will i ever recover. someone please respond with something positive did anyone recover from this and how long did it take. I ended up in the psyc ward because I smoked weed that was soaked in bleach and I tripped out. never knew the weed was tampered with at the time and then I was misdiagnosed with psycosis. I dont think the bleach weed did any real damage because when I woke up in the hospital I was ok but I was givein risperidone and sent home I should of never took the risperidone. but I did for three months, anyway. long story short I need support in knowing if ill get my emotions and personality back.
  15. Good day! I have been lurking here for quite some time now, reading Schizor's thread is what prompted me to post my introduction. I think it triggered my anxiety. Let me start by telling ya'll the events that led me here. Last year was a very stressful phase for me. I was taking up visual design for college, was in my 2nd year. Unfortunately, animation was very stressful for me bc my prof at that time didn't give us very much leeway and wasn't really lenient. I think that triggered OCD-like symptoms that attacked all my beliefs abt my life, my morality and who i am. So I went to a psychiatrist and got told I have depression and anxiety without doing any tests yet (though i still think it was OCD after researching and reaching out on ocd forums). She also prescribed Escitalopram and Quetiapine that first visit. I took 5mg Escitalopram and 12.5mg Quetiapine for the most part but followed the pdoc's instruction to up the dosage to 10mg Escitalopram and 25mg quetiapine. For a month I did, but thank God my mom is a pharmacist (she controls my med intake at that time) and she put me back on 5 mg and 12.5 mg after that month. Fast forward to 5 months on the meds, I thought at first, it was working bc I stopped having any intrusive thoughts but after watching tv shows, I realised I feel really flat. Growing up I also pride myself in thinking of out of the box concepts, I also breathed art (whether it be music or poetry or paintings or films), it was my only reason to live. So imagine my surprise when I couldn't feel any inspiration at all after watching my favorite films. I also can't enjoy music the way I used to (I liked shoegaze, dream pop, synth pop, alt pop, etc.). I would describe my art as very ethereal and full of symbolisms. Was never one to shy away from exploring occult topics and ideas. I tried so hard to conceptualize but nothing came. I tried for days, weeks, still trying and it's driving me crazy. I liked dressing up really nice but even doing that doesn't give me any pleasure at all. I also identify as a marxist feminist, but lately, I've noticed that I lack the empathy and compassion to still be an activist, it would just feel like I'm virtue signalling. I also can't enjoy my spirituality. I stopped feeling that transcending state I always did. I stopped caring and with all of these erased from me, I don't know who I am anymore. My main concern is the loss of creativity, imagination, and rich emotions. It's important to note that i got these while taking the meds and not after tapering. Feeling the symptoms above made me come to the decision that I wanna stop but I was forced by my mom to keep taking them even though I had no psychiatric supervision at that time (bc of covid). She told me to just blindly trust on the drugs and to never question my doctor. She even told me to stay at it for 2 years, fortunately, I didn't go down without a fight. After 2 months I convinced her that I really really desperately want to be off of it bc I haven't been doing anything all day but to research my symptoms, read scary stories abt APs, and to worry myself sick. So I was on them for 7 months, tapered both drugs for a month by taking one fourth of them for two weeks and one eighth for two weeks before stopping (I didn't research enough), the dosages I was on were v low, even lower than the advisable working dosages according to drugs.com. I figured that I might be one of the sensitive types. What do ya'll think? I stopped this October 14th so it's been over a month now. I quitted school to pursue music btw (I used to be able to intuitively put musical elements that would go well with each other) and I don't think I have the luxury of time to be dealing with this as I'm already 20 (age matters in an industry as cutthroat as this). I tried thinking of pursuing a more practical career (maybe because I won't be back to the way I was before), but I just can't, I'd rather die than to leave the creative field. These are my side effects or what I think are my side effects (from the drugs and maybe from WD?): -I get bodily reactions from watching good, heavy movies and listening to heart wrenching songs like shudders, I sometimes even tear up, but my brain doesn't seem to be registering these? As I still feel flat inside? I can still cry and laugh tho. - I also abt what ppl about what people would think of me, which for me is a bad thing -Taking a trip down memory lane and not being able to assign any emotions to them. -depressive and anxious states after reading negative stories (This is why I left all the anhedonia fb groups and transferred here) and negative, ominous and ambiguous tarot/astrology readings (I avoid them atm so as not to jeopardize my healing process). Tarot and horoscopes are all saying the same thing, that I should accept this change and I think I was putting too much thought on what "change" they meant. Does it mean living like a robot forever? -feeling like I don't want anything from life now but can still motivate myself when it comes to having a healthy lifestyle by thinking I will recover, recovery is the only motivation I have -loss of spirituality, been forcing myself to pray every night, i feel no connection at all -less (i mean a huge "less") inner monologues -cognitive issue? bc I lost my inherent talents, i don't have any aesthetic/artistic preferences now, I don't know what makes an art great or bad -still don't feel like I'm normal, lost sense of self -lacking empathy and compassion -my brain jumped twice inside my head on two occasions (stopped now), idk if this is what yall call a "brain zap"? but it wasn't that distressing for me, i actually felt more relaxed after that... initially thought something inside my head is getting back to normal? what do you guys think? -increased hearing on my left ear for only a few days, I remember hearing crickets at night and feeling like my left ear was gonna bleed. (Stopped now) -headaches when meditating -chest pain now and then, only felt it while and after tapering -uncomfortable leg sensation for a few nights, found it hard to sleep (stopped now) -some of intrusive thoughts resurfacing, which I think is a good sign that the drug is leaving my body bc OCD is a chronic disorder and I know I'm bound to get it back after stopping. After reading advices from countless of forums, I've been exercising daily, following that with basic yoga and qi gong, making sure I have atleast 7 hours of sleep, doing some mindfulness meditation, doing an anhedonia brain exercise by listing down pleasurable activities that I can still appreciate, drinking probiotics, watching cat videos which is one of the things that I can still enjoy, meeting the sun outside at noon to get my daily dose of vitamin D, thinking of how recovery would feel like whenever I find myself in a negative thought pattern, listening to music that I used to like for 45 minutes while getting a breather in our balcony trying to gauge any emotions or any signs of my creative thinking returning, imagining music videos for these songs (v mediocre atm), and keeping track of my progress, any progress I notice. I do these daily. I also stopped from drinking any medication (any meds even for menstrual cramps). I also started taking zinc and drinking ginger tea just three days ago but one or both of them upsets/upset my stomach, I recently am having diarrhea and Idk if it's induced by them but I might still give them a chance for weeks to know for sure. I guess the main symptoms that I'm experiencing rn is the anhedonia, loss of creative thinking and lack of empathy. I know a lot of the ppl here have worse experiences (I can even imagine how laughable my symptoms are) but, nonetheless, I really really need help bc my career is on the line. I particularly need help in having all my questions answered... I also need reassurance. First, is quetiapine a reversible dopamine antagonist? Do you all also think my situation is reversible and I could recover 100% (100% meaning my pre med self, pre med creativity), given the length of time that I was on these meds (8 months including the WD process), the v low doses, and quetiapine being a milder antipsychotic compared to the others? I need it to be 100% so bad that I'm willing to wait for a year as long as it's 100%. I'm having doubts too if the meds simply cured me or if it really is anhedonia, if my brain is in its healed form of suppressing emotions (which is is this my normal self without depression/anxiety/ocd and I just don't know it bc I got used to having these conditions premed? I hope not) or does it need healing bc it's a side effect of the drugs I took? I'm not sure. Reading schizor's thread I also am afraid of any protracted withdrawals as my taper went kinda smoothly so what to do to avoid these???? Should I be worried that there isn't a case quite like mine (super low dose, only 8 months, but still experiencing anhedonia) that I've read? How do we also know if our anhedonia is gradually lifting up? How do we know if we're having windows? I think it I ought to mention that on the night of November 22, which is day 39 of me being off the drugs (I'm keeping tabs), I felt something that I perceive as a window for a v brief moment, I had memories of my premed self that had emotions, was hit by nostalgia, thought abt my dreams and felt like I could do everything again, visualised music video ideas and thought they were good, listened to a lorde song and felt something inside. Is that a window? I was back to being anhedonic the next day. Is it normal to have a window this early? I am also looking into trying fish oil and magnesium, what brand would be the best? I have the iherb and amazon apps. Also, am planning to get a job bc I want my life to continue while awaiting my recovery, but it's a night shift... would that be ok, won't it jeopardize my healing process? I am also open to any recommendations? What else can I try to speed up my recovery process? pls refrain from recommending any strong mind altering substances... I swore them all off. Sorry if it's a long post, Thanks in advance. 🤍
  16. hei kaikki, aloin syödä sertraliinia annoksella 25 mg-> 50 mg heinäkuussa 2016. Menin ylinopeuteen, olin hypomaninen ja marraskuussa lääke laukaisi manian. Minulla ei ollut lääkitystä tai hoidon seurantaa tänä aikana. Hakein ensiapuun, jossa sanottiin, että lääke on väärä minulle ja annos on liian suuri. Lääkäri neuvoi sinua ottamaan 25 mg sertaliinia. Söin tämän annoksen jopa 2 viikkoa, josta pysähdyin kokonaan. Tätä seurasi voimakas väsymys, uneliaisuus ja flunssankaltaiset oireet. Kolmen viikon kuluttua mielialani alkoi laskea voimakkaasti. Sain paniikkikohtauksia, itkin ja ahdistin. Minulla oli painajaisia ja nukuin huonosti. Tämä tunne kesti toukokuuhun. Sitten ahdistuneisuus ja paniikkioireet hävisivät. Silloin anhedonian oireet alkoivat. Mieli oli tyhjä, ajatukset ja muistot tyhjentyivät, muisti heikkeni. En jäänyt suremaan poikaystäväni kuolemaa. En tuntenut mitään, kun kävin hänen haudallaan. Pystyn itkemään, mutta todella humalassa, mutta nyt olen pystynyt itkemään myös päinvastoin. Voin nauraa, ja muut ihmiset aiheuttavat jonkinlaisia emotionaalisia reaktioita välillä. Musiikki on joskus herättänyt tunteen. Minulla on ollut muutama jakso, jolloin olen tuntenut itseni energisemmäksi ja paremmaksi mielialaksi. Olen ollut vilkas ja koko ajan. Lääkäri epäili, onko kaksisuuntainen kaksisuuntainen a. Keinot lääkkeen aloittamiseksi lamictal 2: lle ja ehdotti. Tämä on jatkunut jo neljä vuotta ja ihmettelen, kuinka kauan tämä voi jatkua? ja mikä voisi auttaa siinä? Olen vasta 27-vuotias ja minusta tuntuu, että koko elämäni on pilalla. kiitos jos jatkat lukemista. mutta todella humalassa, mutta nyt olen voinut itkeä myös päinvastoin. Voin nauraa, ja muut ihmiset aiheuttavat jonkinlaisia emotionaalisia reaktioita välillä. Musiikki on joskus herättänyt tunteen. Minulla on ollut muutama jakso, jolloin olen tuntenut itseni energisemmäksi ja paremmaksi mielialaksi. Olen ollut vilkas ja koko ajan. Lääkäri epäili, onko kaksisuuntainen kaksisuuntainen a. Keinot lääkkeen aloittamiseksi lamictal 2: lle ja ehdotti. Tämä on jatkunut jo neljä vuotta ja ihmettelen, kuinka kauan tämä voi jatkua? ja mikä voisi auttaa siinä? Olen vasta 27-vuotias ja minusta tuntuu, että koko elämäni on pilalla. not all, I started eating sertraline at a dose of 25 mg-> 50 mg in July 2016. I went speeding, was hypomanic and in November the drug triggered mania. I had no medication or follow-up during this time. I sought first aid which said the medicine was wrong for me and the dose was too high. Your doctor has advised you to take 25 mg of sertalin. I ate this dose for up to 2 weeks, from which I stopped completely. This was followed by severe fatigue, drowsiness, and flu-like symptoms. After three weeks, my mood started to drop sharply. I got panic attacks, cried and anxious. I had nightmares and slept poorly. This feeling lasted until May. Then the anxiety and panic symptoms disappeared. That's when the symptoms of anhedonia began. The mind was empty, thoughts and memories emptied, memory weakened. I was not left to mourn the death of my boyfriend. I didn’t feel anything when I visited his grave. I am able to cry, but really drunk, but now I've been able to cry also vice versa. I can laugh, and other people cause some kind of emotional reactions in between. Music has sometimes evoked a feeling. I have had a few period when I have felt myself more energetic and better sector in mind. I've been busy and all the time. The doctor doubted whether two-way two-way a. Ways to start the drug for Lamictal 2 and suggested. This has been going on for four years now and I wonder how long this can go on? and what could help with that? I'm only 27 years old and I feel that my whole life is ruined. thanks if you keep reading. but really drunk, but now I was able to cry also vice versa. I can laugh, and other people cause some kind of emotional reactions in between. Music has sometimes evoked a feeling. I have had a few period when I have felt myself more energetic and better sector in mind. I've been busy and all the time. The doctor doubted whether two-way two-way a. Ways to start the drug for Lamictal 2 and suggested. This has been going on for four years now and I wonder how long this can go on? and what could help with that? I'm only 27 years old and I feel that my whole life is ruined.
  17. Hello Everybody from the community, I would like to share my story where I was diagnosed with drug induced delusions. I was put on anti psychotics Zyprexa and Invega for 8 months starting January until September. I have quit cold turkey about 2 months ago after suffering from emotional blunting, social withdrawal anhedonia and lost my ability to communicate and socialize. Since then I have not really suffered much withdrawal effects except anxiety which has significantly decreased. However, I still suffer from anhedonia and emotional blunting and cannot enjoy things that I used to in the past. I cannot enjoy music, alcohol, and simply conversations with friends. I used to be very outgoing and enjoyed meeting new people but now I simply do not have the motivation to do so. Will this ever go away? Is two months off anti psychotics enough to judge or must I wait for some more time? Thanks to all
  18. Hello, So I was switched from one Anti-Psychotic{s} (AP{s}) Zyprexa [Olanzapine], to another AP Abilify [Aripiprazole]. I decided to stop taking the medication between the switch as I've only been on Zyprexa for 3 months. APs have left my head as scrambled eggs and I cannot function clearly on them. Much too much Zombie. November I was put in hospital for a breakdown, given 5mg -> 7.5mg ->10mg Zyprexa over a month. Since leaving Hospital I agreed with a GP to reduce down to 5mg in one fell swoop, not knowing that this is actually very risky - since that point my sleep is not good; I seem to get only 3 hours per night and spend the remainder tossing, turning and feeling so incredibly low about life... It has been driving me slightly loopy. I reduced to 3.75/2.5mg (however I could cut them up semi-accurately) for one week and have now run out of Zyprexa except 2x 5mg tablets as the Dr switched me over and the supply ran out, so tapering is not an option.... Before I start a different AP I have decided to just stop taking APs while I have support in a family setting. I am unsure what the cut-down from 3.75mg to nothing will do to me after 3 months going from 5-7.5-10-5-3.75/2.5mg supply. I am extremely concerned having read countless horror stories. My breakdown in hospital was drug/alcohol induced but I lied about it and ended up on medication probably unsuited; I was just high and drunk. I do not feel like I have bipolarity, I do feel that the medication has made me zombified (anhedonic [sp*?]) and I am not myself anymore. Before the timeline gets too long I wanted to just stop and escape the trap of Pharma and APs. I wanted to try SSRIs for my lack of motivation especially after abuse of Cannabis (before hospital 2g/day of the super strong stuff) or just normalise without any medication to see if I can cope. The APs make it incredibly difficult to work effectively and I have been off work for too long to take something that will make concentration so difficult. This is a risk as I am unsure what the effect will be. So far I have Constipation and Amnesia after 3 hours every night. At 10mg I was sleeping most of the night; but the fallout in the mornings was awful. I have 7 days of sleeping pills prescribed to help me sleep - i might space them out to try and get a good nights rest every several days as I'm unsure if the GP (UK Doctor) will give me more. Any advice from people for me. I am taking a risk I feel but I do not know if there is another route out without prescriptions for the medicines to taper off. So the task is: ~3mg Zyprexa to 0mg (or use the 2x 5mg tablets somehow) 7x sleeping pills. Amnesia & constipation - early morning depression from 3am to 2pm. All advice welcome.
  19. Hello everyone! I'm a 20 year old woman and I took Paroxetine (40 MG) for five months. I tapered very quickly due to my lack of knowledge at the time. I stopped completely on January 1st 2020. It's now been four weeks since complete cessation of it. Three days ago I started experiencing a lack of joy, happiness, love, or feeling of attraction to anyone/sex. This caused me to have a mental breakdown which unfortunately may have made things worse as now I feel nothing at all. I also have not eaten due to feeling nauseated by the idea of food and the lack of pleasure associated with eating it. I'm not looking for negativity here. I am not interested in hearing I will be this way forever. I've already been told this and I will not accept it, so please do not try. Has anyone else gone through this? Is this common? What's the normal timeline? When can I start to expect seeing improvements? Is there a secret treatment for Anhedonia that I'm unaware of? Google says that there's no treatment except the exact poison I got off of. Thank you so much for your time and I hope to hear from you soon!
  20. Hi everyone, first post on here so will try not to jabber too much. I'm a 40 year old guy and have been on ADs twice in my life. I first took SSRIs when I was prescribed 20mg Fluoxetine for work-related depression around 15 years back. For about a year they seemed to work (in some way I relied on them after I got through the depressive phase) but gradually I felt more and more 'robotic', agitated and detached. And my sex drive went down the pan...lost all interest. In fact, lost all interest in everything. All felt grey. So, after two years on them, stupid me went cold turkey, expecting to return to normality fairly quickly. But it was not so. The disinterest got much worse. I stayed with the CT and it took a good 2yrs for 'me' to come back...though the libido never really did but in 2010 seemed to be showing signs of life again... ...UNTIL I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and was put on 10mg Citalopram back in October 2011. I was told I'd need to stay on the meds as I'd been on them before. I wasn't depressed at the time but blindly went along with the doc as the allergic reaction had shaken me up pretty bad. Initially, I felt mildly euphoric and life felt easy, I felt coolly un-anxious. But I couldn't ejaculate during sex, no matter what. And it got worse, to the point where I felt totally sexless, my desire just vanished in the worst way possible. And I started having crazy moodswings. So the doc switched me to Fluoxetine 20mg, after about a year on the Cit. No change. Dead libido, moodswings got even worse, pacing and inexplicable bursts of anger...so guess what? Cold turkeyed them again. Late 2013, about 4 weeks of big WDs, constant brain zaps and 'delayed vision', followed by huge bouts of anhedonia/apathy that still persist. And THE worst PSSD. No arousal, thrill, just this deadness in the pleasure centres of the brain. I can still love and see attractiveness but that 'engine' is...gone? It's horrendous, feel like half a man, like I'm out in the cold looking in all the time. Had tests, all showed fine but in a really good relationship right now that I fear is gonna suffer down the line. It'd kill me because we're so close and loving but I'm...inconsequential. 8 months and we just don't do it. Don't wanna lose her, we're truly soulmates. Want that connection back. That 'spark' in the brain...not there. For anyone or anything. Hurts so bad. I...just feel unsexual and I can't get my head around it. Nightmare. Am I totally messed up now, any hope, anything I can do? Tried ED drugs, various herbs, "He's dead, Jim". What a pickle.
  21. Hi all, I joined this site several weeks back, tried to create a forum but my internet went out while I was doing so, I don't think it went through, so if this is a repost or posted in the wrong area, I'm sorry. Anyway, long story short, I'm female and close to turning twenty two, I originally started sertraline around 15-16 years old for anxiety, (generalized, panic attacks, and social) and depression. I started at a lower dose but after several years made my way up to 200mg, stayed on it for another several years, and at the age of 21 finally managed to come off them completely after many attempts that failed due to withdrawal. Fast forward to the end/beginning of this year after being off them for around eight months, my suicidal ideation got severe again, and fearing the worst, I jump shipped and started sertraline again because I was afraid of what I may do. After about 2 months on them again at 50mg, I tapered off over about a week and a half because they were giving me brain zaps, reduced sexual function, brain fog, etc, and I realized why I quit in the first place. Now I'm here two months later wondering if I've ruined myself for doing so. I've had a lot of emotional blunting and anhedonia, but the thing that I do not understand is that I am quick to irritability and anger, but nothing else. I can get sad at times, I have cried a few times which I couldn't manage on the short time I went back on the pills, but I used to have full on meltdowns, which I know isn't ideal, but at least it was something. I am an emotional person, and living in this fog and anhedonia is very concerning to me. I had issues with it before on the pills and even the short time off, but not to this extent. I've been trying to be positive, but I'm about two months in and I'm just tired of living through this window, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because sometimes I can feel this literal switch in my body, that is so close to clicking everything back together, but it doesn't. Other times I don't feel a switch at all. I've had more depersonalization episodes which I haven't had before. I always had a bit of dissociation, but the episodes have definitely been worse. I guess I just don't understand why after years of high dosages, constantly going on and off, I could quit fine and return to normal functioning within two months, where as now after a smaller dosage and shorter period, I'm doing way worse two months in now. Sorry if this is too detailed, but I want to be as clear as possible for any other women going through the same thing and to document my personal experience. I also am able to orgasm, but not the way I used to be able to. The short time on the pills I had near 0 interest and orgasm was hard, so while it is good I can do this again, it isn't the same rush as before, and it isn't nearly as pleasurable due to genital numbness. That has gotten better somewhat, I am able to tell if I am touching myself down there and feel the temperature of things, but the pleasure that was there before and the warm feeling is still not back. A little over a month off, I had a couple random times I became wet down there, and would feel more of a throbbing feeling I had before the pills, to elaborate on that I guess aside from the obvious sensation, it was a desire of, holy ****, I need it now! I don't have that anymore, yet again. With enough concentration and thinking about sex enough, I can get somewhat of a desire, but not much. I thought I was getting better a month ago due to the random lubrication and able to feel temperatures again, along with maybe 10-15% of original feeling coming back, but the past month nothing else has changed, and I haven't randomly gotten wet down there or had much of a throbbing sensation since two or three episodes. I guess my question is, what is your experience with withdrawals from anti-depressants? For those of you who have recovered, did it come back at once, or was it a more gradual thing? From my brief time on this site it seems most swing back and forth like a pendulum, getting better than not, then eventually after weeks or months of going back and forth one stone is then officially planted, only to have to fight the next ten ahead, whether it be the fight with emotions or sexual dysfunction. While I certainly would love to hear from everyone, as I have scrolled through many forums on this site, if there are any females my age, I would love to hear your responses in particular just to know there are others like me going through the same thing, and it would help me understand maybe more of what to look for in terms of recovery, though I acknowledge everyone isn't the same. It's just very disheartening being this young and having to worry about this. It sucks, but I have read many success stories and I am trying to stay positive, especially since I have had some recovery, even if it is marginal.
  22. After close to 18 months on Citalopram, I decided to wean off the medication in August as I ascribed a feeling of mental numbness to the drug. The first week off I felt fine. Weeks 2-4 were hellish as I experienced strange tingling sensations, insomnia, depersonalisation and extreme periods of agitation. However, after close to six weeks off the drug, I still don’t feel like myself. I’m apathetic. My concentration is non-existent despite taking medication for ADHD. My brain is extremely foggy, and I don’t feel connnected to myself or those around me. Whilst I didn’t quite adhere to my discontinuation plan and admittedly weaned off Citalopram far too quickly, I didn’t expect to feel so utterly lost in myself after almost six weeks off the med. My doctor is in the process of conferring with a psychologist with regards to taking a different medication for anxiety but I’m reluctant to go back on an SSRI. Unfortunately I don’t know if I’m still struggling with SSRI withdrawal syndrome or if it’s a resurfacing of depression and/or a high level of anxiety. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has experienced similar difficulties after discontinuing an anti-depressant and what helped you in your respective recoveries. Thanks.
  23. My experience with antidepressants started in June 2017, when I was prescribed Nortriptyline(Older generation antidepressant) to treat my nerve pain. It was almost miraculous in reducing my symptoms, but I found out the hard way about it’s sinister side effects. When I started the drug I was in relatively perfect mental health, but it didn’t stay that way for long. Within two weeks it was like I had been given a chemical lobotomy. I lost all sense of satisfaction and interest in life, had a drastically reduced sex drive, and just felt constantly numb 24/7. I came to realize that this drug was poison to me, and I attempted to get off after two months. Even though I was on a low dose I started to experience fairly significant withdrawal symptoms(although they weren’t even close to the hell that other members of this forum have gone through), with anxiety attacks and a feverish feeling. I ended up tapering off in Thanksgiving after being on Nortriptyline for about have a year. To my dismay, my symptoms did not improve after getting off. In fact, they were even worse. I was filled with a sense of utter despair and anhedonia, struggling to get through every day. I found that magnesium supplementation lifted the sense of hopelessness, but the mind numbing apathy to everything in life remained. It’s now been over 6 months since I got off Nortriptyline, and my symptoms have improved very little. I’m still stuck with a moderate depression and anhedonia, which feels like all the color has been drained out of my life. Before going on an antidepressant I used to wake up in a great mood every morning excited for the day, but now I dread it. Life used to feel euphoric for me, but now it’s just completely dull. I also suffer from a drastically reduced sex drive, which is a big deal for a 20 year old male. I’ve been trying to take things day by day, but the fact I’ve now been off for longer than I was taking it in the first place is making me terrified that I’ll never be the same person I used to be ever again. The only thing that gives me hope is that every few weeks my mood brightens, and I feel normal again. Unfortunately I can never pinpoint the cause, and the feeling only lasts a few hours. I guess only time will tell if I’ll recover or if I’ve suffered permanent brain damage from this drug.
  24. On December 21, 2017, my father and I went to psychiatrist because my brain cant stop from thinking and I cant sleep that much. I was diagnosed having Adjustment Disorder with mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood. The doctor gave Risperidone. He said I need it to relax my mind and to help me to sleep. Taking it for 1 month, I experienced that I cant breathe through my nose, numbness in my thumb, some tingling in my hands, and got my eyes darken. I really dont know that these were side effects. Im so out of hope now, because i feel so regretful taking Risperidone (meds) for 2months and 1 week. I was on 1mg of it for 1month and then when i told my doctor that I cant sleep he increased it to 2mg (i took 2mg of it for 3wks) then i tried to taper it down to 1mg for i think almost a week. But theres one night came I cant sleep and cant breathe so, I quickly stop taking the Risperidone. Also, my father and I told about my situation to the doctor but it seems like he has no care :(. He said that I can stop the meds if i want to. If only I knew that the doctor is like that I never went to a psychiatrist These are what I feel. I cant sleep normally. I cant be myself. I used to be the one opening up a conversation and sharing stories but now i dont feel like to. Most painful of all is that... I cant feel. I cant feel the emotions. I feel like numb. I cant do my passion-music and arts. I love singing, dancing, and acting. I cant feel the emotions when im watching or when people are talking. I cant also feel the empathy and sympathy. I used to be an expressive and a happy person. I cant feel i am myself. Its been 1 month and 2 days off of it. I experienced little numbness in my left arm. I told it to my mother then she massaged it. The numbness gone after that. I think there's an improvement in my sleep. Sometimes I can sleep but I dont know if I really sleep. I regret that I did not continue reading about Risperidone before taking it I dont know how to live like this. Im hoping that my brain (all in it) will heal and repair itself.
  25. I've been off of this drug for about 8 months now. I was on 3mg for 4 months I have no drive, passion, or interest in anything. The zest of life is gone and I'm simply existing. I can't start a conversation much less contribute to one someone else has started. I'm trying to "fake it till you make it", but it's getting old. I don't remember the last time I truly laughed. Love and joy are things I see other people display and I am yearning to experience those emotions again. I have no sex drive. I hate to sound like I'm throwing a pity party, but I feel like my quality of life is ruined and I see no hope. Like, I'm afraid I'll be like this for the rest of my life and I'm only 29. How LONG does it take for you to get your emotions back? If ever? Someone give me some hope....please?
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