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  1. Its been 17 months since I last received a Risperdal injection. 5 or 6 in total in just a 2 month period. I'm completely GONE. Most of my mind has disappeared. Imagination/visualization/creativity is gone. As is memory, for the most part. Just the faintest of memory remains. My brain (frontal lobe mostly) feels ripped, torn, ruptured, shrunk, numb, dead, burned, etc. It also feels like rubber. I've lost most of my intelligence. I feel damned. Can barely understand anything anymore. Feel nothing except mostly fear. It's just really hard to think about the simplest of things now and if I over strain my brain while trying to think it just seems to rupture or tear further so I have to be careful. Nothing in the world seems to exist anymore. It's all disappeared. I had a beautiful intellect/mind and now I've just been reduced to something very sub-human. Recovery seems completely impossible. I feel I will forever be like this - without my mind/soul - even after having left my body upon death. I cannot comprehend the damage or this loss of 'me' and I continue to deteriorate even after all this time after having stopped the injections. My mind is blank - a void. The chemical poisons from the shots just continue to slowly seep deeper into my brain tissues disabling more of my brain/mind as time goes by. Any ways, still like to read about people who've somehow recovered but I honestly feel no one out there could be as damaged as me but then again, when all the love goes, I suppose any kind of damage is conceivable..
  2. Hello I am Sam. I am 44 and was a mother to 3 sons until I stupidly went to hospital in may 2012 with stress and self harm. got diagnosed with depression and psychosis total rubbish. Prescribed Olayynzapine and anti depressants and they simply melted my brain. I didn't know what I was taking because I was too stressed to find out. I got put iin hospital by my ex who treated me very badly. Well what haven't I lost. 100% emotions gone, 100% motivation gone, 90% memory gone, 100% appetite gone, 90% sleep gone, no hobbies or interests, eyes changed colour,, veins shrunk, heart rate of 110, looks changed enormously. As a result of al this I have lost my sons, home and business. I have been given virtually every drug out there and even ECT and I am still in hospital no longer on meds as they agree there have been side effects but wont use the term brain damage. And I do have brain damage. Every day is spent wasted laying iin bed and smoking unable to enjoy life to any degree or able to think. I have tried to kill myself 11 times but I am still sadly here. I gave up going to church as God and Jesus clearly hate me. I try vitamin tablets omega 3, sepia, dr bath salt listening to music. Nothing works. I still very much want to die. Why has this drug done this to me? How dare Eli Lilly and my old Dr treat me like ****. I used to be a very happy creative woman a good mother lots of friends and this drug has reduced me to a vegetable. I battle evil thoughts. I do things even though my brain doesn't want to. I am sick to death of being like this I cry for my sons having to watch their mother reduced to a silent ghost who is simply dying. who else is out there like me that has recovered from this seriously life changing evil poison? I make it quite clear if I don't recover in some shape or form I am going to kill myself and do it properly this time because all I have become is a voice as a warning not to take Olanzapine.
  3. Hello community! TL;DR I'm tapering off Risperdal, experienced improvements while tapering off, improvements faded away after a few weeks again, worried about permanent brain damage, wondering if I can ever recover from it. (Warning: This is quite a wall of text) After searching for information on Google a lot, I decided to create an account here. I had trouble finding an answer to my specific problem. The whole point of this post is to ask about permanent brain damage and if there is any hope of restoring from it, but I will explain everything I think it has ruined before asking, just so you can get a clear picture of what is going on. A doctor of whom I - and others - don't remember who he/she was, has put me on Risperdal in my childhood. If I am to believe my mother, it is 0.5mg since the day I was put on it. I think I'm lucky I've always been on a very low dose. The reason was PDD-NOS. Well, that's the diagnosis that they used to justify it. The real problem was aggression - I was having trouble controlling it. However, that's no longer a problem. Someone taught me techniques to control it that actually worked for me - while on the Risperdal. That happened around the age of 13 - I should've been taken off Risperdal right then, in my opinion. Fast forward about 12 years, and here I am, a 23-year-old girl. I wasn't aware of how heavy the effects of Risperdal were, until some people on the internet began waking me up to what Risperdal was, when I mentioned to them that I took it. I used to believe it was required to manage my PDD-NOS. However, based on information I've found on PDD-NOS, and information I've found on the effects of Risperdal, I have been able to conclude that that train of thought was very much false... Risperdal is WAAAAYYY too strong for what I _had_. What I should also add to this, is that I am a transgender girl. Meaning I started out born as the opposite gender, but used medical treatment to become a girl. (Don't worry, I have been very carefully psychologically analyzed by a hospital for about 2 years - even they were sure that I am truly transgender). This is relevant because that adds two more meds (hormones) to the mix: Estradiol, and Cyproterone Acetate. Those are Estrogen and Testosterone Blockers, respectively. These medications started about a year ago. I have noticed that the debilitating, lethargic effects have gotten worse ever since getting on those, but I refuse to get off those meds because I very much need them to have the body I desire. Also, before I got on the hormones, I was on Lexapro (Escilatopram), an anti-depressant, in addition to Risperdal. It was supposed to protect me from stress caused by the gender clinic - it was not at all depression. But what it actually did, was make the effects I am experiencing from Risperdal now, 10 times worse. Meaning, I was basically just in my bed the entire time, and everything around me hurted. Even the TV. Fortunately I am off that stuff now, after 6 months of being kept on it, unaware that it was making me sick. Also, I lost my job during the time I was on that stuff... I have also been on Melatolin for a very long time, 0.2mg of it. When I needed to knock myself out into sleep, I usually took 2 or 3mg. I recently heard Melatolin can cause side effects too, including some of the things I've been experiencing in the morning, so I decided to stop that one cold turkey. Melatolin can generally be stopped cold turkey according to many sources of information, so that's what I did. I had trouble going to bed on time at first without the help of melatolin, but at the time of writing this, I can go to bed about as easily as when I was on melatolin. So... The problems I've been experiencing... Around the age of 16 or 17, my memory suddenly experienced a sudden drop in effectiveness. Where I would be able to remember weeks at a time before, and clearly at that, I suddenly had trouble remembering past three days in the past. I don't think I've ever recovered from that. In addition, in the last few years, meaning, 20 to 23 years of age, I've experienced tiredness, lethargy, laziness, and morning grogginess (headache, dizziness) - that are so bad that I have trouble integrating into society. They are preventing me from getting a job or going to a school - and that is the point where I decided to try to taper off the medication - with the help of my GP. Specifically, the morning headaches, diziness, and slight nausea, are so debilitating that I can basically forget about doing anything in the morning. I end up sitting behind my laptop or computer and waiting for it to pass. Naturally, that prevents me from starting anything (a job, or school) that requires me to be available in the morning. Also, if I would do _anything_ in the outside world that required a, well, decently normal amount of energy (such as travelling through the country using public transit).. The next day, I would be unavailable for the entire day. I would be unable to do much of anything. It would all hurt too much. Of course, there's also the general daily tiredness/lethargy that never fully goes away. Of course, these are not acceptable effects, and I want to get rid of them so I can get on with my life! --- Now, a few weeks ago, I first started tapering off. I went from 0.5 mg to half of that, so 0.25mg. The effects astonished me - I felt alive! I was no longer lethargic, or even what I used to call "lazy" - and experiencing this energetic feeling made me realise that I wasn't actually lazy, I was sedated. About 4 days after I halved my dose is when I really noticed the effects. I travelled across the country using public transit, to go to an appointment that I was greatly stressed about. To my surprise, afterwards, I wasn't very exhausted, so I decided to go meet up with some people from the internet who I had wanted to meet up with. I did, and then in the evening, I went home.. ..Surprise! The next day, I wasn't exhausted at all! In fact, I had enough energy to tidy up my entire house! And I did. I made sure to make use of this newfound energy. It was absolutely wonderful! These effects lasted for a few weeks.. And I enjoyed every ounce of the newfound energy. ...But then they started to fall back to the same old lethargic state... ...Even though I was still on a lower dose, the same old effects were creeping back in. Gradually, every day, I felt more tired, more lethargic, more lazy...... ..And now we're almost back to where we started. Now, I have a theory.. And this is, of course, speculation.. But I think my body might have gotten used to the lower dose and adjusted to it accordingly. --- So now comes the question about permanent brain damage. As you will probably notice, my use of language seems intelligent. I like to think that I am - although, of course, it is relative to the intelligence of others. I am bad at mental math, but great at some other intellectual endeavours, such as music theory. However, the question of my damaged memory remains. As well as this lethargy that I so badly want to get rid of because it is basically preventing me from living a full life... Since I've been on Risperdal for around 12 years, will I recover from these effects? Will the lethargy ever go away? Will my memory ever return to normal? I have also heard a rumor that Risperdal can shorten your lifespan by about 20 years. Is that true? Will I die much earlier now? I am, of course, very unhappy towards the people that did this to me. Well, unhappy is an understatement. I'm pretty angry at them - the difference being, that I am capable to handle my aggression and do not resort to throwing things around or damaging property or beings. Instead, my words get more aggressive, and I get really passionate about solving whatever issue is at hand. More rebellious, basically. I don't think that's such a bad thing. Anyhow.. I hold the strong hope that I am able to recover from these debilitating effects. I'd like to add, that if any doctors are reading this.. PLEASE consider VERY CAREFULLY whether it is worth it to use Atypical Antipsychotics such as Risperdal on children with mild autistic disorders such as PDD-NOS. As you can read in my story, the long-term effects are not worth it, at all.
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