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  1. Hi.. About year ago October 2020 I joined uni I had a lot of stress and chronic diarrhea for months with severe physical symptoms which did not go with physiological med... I went to a doctor in may 2021 ,he gave me cipralex 10mg.. And I was supposed to take it for a months as he said.. He gave me buspar too, the first day I took cipralex I feel like iam not normal but I thought itis a fatigue or just we can stay up in the morning not in the mood.. Until one of my friends said why you are like that?? I was laughing at everything.. I thought it was something like cocaiine! I cannot even describe the feeling.. I continued until the third day then I closed it on the fourth.. This day I got a bad headache then I had uterus bleeding for about 20 days.. I went to a phaychologiat and I had sessions I thought that my sudden confident was from the sessions but after some months I recognised that I cannot feel I cannot even concentrate or feel iam very numbed.. I went to another psychologist this months she said work ve emotional numbness and adhd.. And she wants to give me stimulants.. I need your help I cannot think anymore.. And if I told anyone that this symptoms are from med they do not believe me cause the med need month to work iam now 21 sep 2021 and I cannot feel anymore or just focus u feel like iam not real or iam dreaming just a bad feeling... Sorry for any mistake iam not English
  2. Hi all, i'll try to describe my problems and my situation and maybe I can get some advice? I'm 28 y/o, have had depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts 24/7 (my mind is never silent) attention problems, and executive dysfunction notably since at least 16-18 years old, and i've had OCD like features since I was like 7 as far as I can remember, particularly strong since at least 16 years old. Refused to try any medication up until 2018. Had a scary first bout of what was arguably psychotic thinking in 2016. Here's a brief history: March-ish 2018: Took Wellbutrin about a handful of times, can't remember doseMarch-ish 2018: Took Seroquel a handful of times, can't remember doseMarch-ish 2018- November 2019: Took Sertraline, went from 25 mg to 125 mgs. Foolishly cold turkeyed February 2021: Took Buspar a handful of times, can't remember dose February 2021: Took Luvox maybe like 6 times, nearly killed me and devastated me for months beyond belief March-June 2021: Reinstated Sertraline in an attempt to stop the horrible effects of Luvox (tapered over 2 weeks I think, i'm a little surprised at how my memory seems a bit shot atm) I cold turkeyed Sertraline foolishly out of ignorance and due to life circumstances, and I think I remember not taking it as prescribed daily all too well in the first place. Over the last 2.5 years since then, I have noticeably declined and I believe it is likely protracted withdrawal. I now suffer from everything I mentioned previously but it's all generally worse than a few years ago. Since mid 2020 I have really gone down hill and now suffer from the following daily/regularly: - A considerably more panicked and anxious base level of consciousness - Constant racing thoughts, my mind is never clear/scary intrusive thoughts - Recurrent terrifying "depression attacks/bouts" where i feel depression/anxiety that is so intense in their particular windows that they feel like panic attacks but more "depression-like" if that makes sense. - Body temperature disturbances where I feel regular hot flashes/heat sensations running down my body - The Luvox I tried last year gave me the worst panic and depression of my life, I felt like I was in a 2 - 3 month prolonged panic attack and I got burning skin sensations that felt like being burned alive that thankfully have dissipated now but lasted from about February to July 2021. - Chronic fatigue and a constant feeling that someone is pulling me down from my back, making me want to just lay down on a bed. When I feel the fatigue + hot flashes + depression attacks + some confusion at the same time it feels like i'm in hell. - Severe executive dysfunction coupled with OCD, makes it so I feel like i'm paralyzed and at the same time I feel like the only thing i can keep doing and keep my attention on is watching youtube. I'm a school teacher and the school year just ended, I could never get anything done because of my executive dysfunction and it is an absolute miracle that I lasted the whole year. I do feel though that when i'm totally into what i'm doing at school there are times where I, dare i say, feel "normal" and "fine," with the exception of lingering social anxiety and severe executive dysfunction that is always there." Now that vacation has started it, i've gotten worse, same thing happened every school weekend. I go crazy when just at home. I'm currently trying to fight through my executive dysfunction in order to set up a new PCP and finally make a doctor's appointment to see if I can get a "full work up," whatever that means, in order to gauge my health and rule out auto immune diseases or other things. It's a miracle I can even hold my attention long enough to write this atm, what tips can you give me in regards to things I can do to naturally heal, things I can ask my doctor, tests that I should request my doctor, etc? Honestly a few weeks ago I kept daydreaming about trying stimulants (bare in mind that I am very skeptical towards psychiatry now) because of how bad my executive dysfunction is but now I feel more mentally damaged in general now and I have no idea what to do.
  3. A little back story in 2019 I got into a car accident and it completely changed my life. I can't remember if I hit my head or something inside my brain triggered something. I had extreme anxiety and didnt leave my house for three months, that is when i first put on my first medication Prestiq and Busbar. They worked for about a year and then it stopped throughout the years I have been on so many different medications. I feel like this year was completely different. This was my last year of college and I couldn't get through the day without an anxiety attack or feeling like I was going to faint. my doctor decided to put me on Quetiapine, Gabapentin, Busbar, Zoloft, and then take Hydroxzyne as needed for the panic attacks. None of these really worked and I was suffering everyday pushing myself during student teaching. I made it through and graduated but feel like I lost myself a little bit. I feel like being on five medications at once damaged me or something but how am I supposed to know that? I am supposed to trust my doctor to help me. A couple of weeks after graduation I noticed my anxiety became full on even more than before and I started to feel disconnected or out of it all the time every single day. That is when I decided to switch doctors. I decided to go to a different doctor and I got off of four of the medications so now I am just on Zoloft. She decided to put me on Lamictal because she thought I needed a mood stabilizer. That lasted about three weeks and I said no it's not working I want to get off of all the medication. I am off of Lamictal and just on 50 mg of Zoloft. I have come off of Zoloft before switching to another medication but I haven't not been on any medications in four years. I am scared that I have done so much damage to myself already and that my body or mind won't heal. The only struggle that I am having is the disassociation. That is something that goes on all day every single day of my life for about a couple of months now. I can't even leave the house most days and now I am looking for an online job for now because it is becoming difficult. I am only 25 but I just feel like this is taking away parts of my life that I should be enjoying. I am trying to stay positive by eating healthy and clean, working out, doing yoga, pushing myself to go out every day ( even though most days I can't), taking vitamins, trying superfoods, and communicating with my family, friends and therapist. Some things that I have been experiencing are: -Feeling out of it -Lack of energy -Headaches/Dizziness -Sadness I feel that the only symptom that is holding me back is being out of it or disconnected. It is holding me back from doing a lot of the things that I want to be doing. If i wasn't feeling that all of the time I feel like I could "function" better and push myself more. Next week I go to 25 mg of Zoloft. Hopefully this is the start of my own success story!
  4. Hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to start with a quick synopsis of my medical background below. I took SSRI antidepressants for 17+ years. I started with Prozac for 5 years from 15-21. Then I took Escitalopram from 22-32. Along the way I was put on Trazodone, Buspar, Ambien and Wellbutrin as well. All in an attempts to control my anxiety/depression and inability to sleep. Also a little mental history - I was bullied from about the age of 9 to the age of 16. It's pretty obvious in hindsight why I was depressed/anxious. I thought the people in this world were mean. I thought everywhere I went was an unsafe place because at this time it was. In response to this I took up boxing and working out so I could become stronger than my bullies. In all honesty it worked. As soon as I became strong and in shape I became popular out of nowhere, which was an interesting transition. Anyways, that's another story for another time. At 15 I visited the doctor because I always held things to myself because I never told my parents I was being bullied or that life outside of my bedroom sucked. They just thought I was sad/depressed. Depression also runs deep in my family. My mother has been on an extreme cocktail of antidepressants since she was about 20. Although this cocktail has been quite a rollercoaster for her as well. She thought this was the only way to help. I had no one to talk to and I felt like the world was an unsafe and scary place so when the doctor prescribed anti depressants and the anxiety disappeared I thought it was a miracle. At this time the extreme side effects didn't matter to me. The fact I lost my ability to feel empathy because I was numb didn't matter because I didn't like people enough to care to empathize with them. I thought I was going to make it in this world on my own come hell or high water. This idea set me off on a path of perfectionism, egocentrism, hedonism and drug abuse. This life is not meant to be lived alone. To make sure this story doesn't become a novel I'm going to go ahead and summarize it here. For 16 years I went on a binger of sorts. Chasing all the highs this world has to offer. Whether this be dating multiple women, chasing drugs and festival culture, chasing adrenaline highs in the form of mountain biking, power lifting or cliff diving. I kept chasing thrills to fill the emotional void left by the SSRI. I also had to be perfect at this point. I had to have a straight A's in college. A quick aside (I had a long period of alcohol addiction that ran in parallel with my SSRI usage from about 16-21). This caused me to fall behind in life so I felt like I had to catch-up quick, mixed with the perfectionism created from early bullying it caused an immense amount of anxiety in my day to day life. I wasn't allowed to rest, make a mistake or simply apologize when I was wrong. This caused insane amounts of chaos in my relationships throughout these years. Finally when I hit about 31 I decided I had enough of this chaos. A 6-year relationship and all of my life long friendships finally collapsed on me. They were built on a false human. They were built on a man that didn't exist. I see myself as two people honestly. The person that was on anti-depressants is not the same human I am off them. Honestly in my mind half the withdrawal is realizing you built a life not suitable to the person you are off the medicine. I moved to a new area and started a new life. I also quit my anti-depressants. I began hiking and looking inward. It took about 6 months from the insomnia, brain zaps, panic attacks and extreme social anxiety to subside. I managed these symptoms with extreme self inquiry. I also started walking daily. I'm running out of time to write this so let me summarize this pretty quickly here. I'm not perfectly better now. I think anxiety/depression are a part of existence now. I accept there will be days I'm tired/scared and will have panic attacks, but I've learned to sit with these emotions and understand this too shall pass. Getting of my anti-depressant also gave me my empathy back. I built closer connections with people than I've had in the past 17 years. It was extremely hard to rebuild a social support system and a new life while quitting the SSRI though. I would say overall life feels deeper now though. In summary: 1) Took SSRI's for 17+ years. Felt like a zombie. I won't say it was all bad. If you are suicidal and have no other options I would say these are better than that alternative. If you believe you have any other options though I would urge you to try them all out. 2) Quit SSRI's at 32. Created a new life. 3) Anxiety/depression still exists but I now just believe these to be a part of life as opposed to something to get rid of. 4) Found a social support system that saved me, built around the real me. Sorry for jumping around so much on this post. I was trying to work from home at the same time. So I kept jumping back into it. If anyone has any questions feel free to let me know!
  5. Hello all. Lost my Mom in 2011 which sent me into a tailspin of anxiety and severe weight loss due to lack of appetite. Was put on Paxil 12.5 mg. It was a nightmare but I was able to taper off using 5% drops. It took a long time but I made it and have had nine good years of being "normal". In October 2021 our only son left home to start his first job in another state. He was homeschooled and then home every night from college. The last two years all of his classes were at home online. His leaving has affected me and the anxiety and panic attacks returned along with the lack of appetite. In December my dad was taken into the hospital very ill and subsequently died. He was in England and I'm in the US. He had liver cancer. I've been doing my best for him from so far away. unable to travel due to Covid and responsibilities here (farm animals). My husband was away at the time so on top of the panic attacks I was already experiencing I was having to keep up the farm work and deal with the hospital and then his death. It's been such a trauma. I've gone from 117 lbs down to 96lbs. Still no appetite every day is a struggle to eat. I don't want to go back on SSRIs. Around January 12th I asked for something for anxiety and the doc put me on Buspirone 5mg . It hasn't helped. January 20 th she increased the dose to 7.5mg. I started having waves of cold and then profuse sweating. January 28th I called the doctor and she told me to go back to the 5mg dose "for a few days". I'm having constant anxiety/panic and shake all the time, The lack of appetite is making it worse. I worry about eating all day long. Having to push food down even though I have no interest in it. It's so hard. I start meeting with an online therapist (local but online for now) tomorrow afternoon. I hope she can help me. I'm getting to the end of my rope. Can hardly function, Husband is having to do almost all of the farm chores. I can barely manage to keep the fire going and the dishes washed. THere's also the stress of sorting out my dads estate in England. I do have someone over there to help with that but it's still a huge stressor. I don't want to go back on an SSRI and afraid to increase the dosage on the Buspirone. I just want to get better but don't know how.
  6. Moderator Note: link to Moonpie's benzo thread - Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering My name is Moonpie. I feel so blessed to have found this site. I was put on Ativan and BuSpar and Lexapro, one at a time for a medication thyroid mess up. For eight months my thyroid was going crazy in my anxiety was off the charts. It normalized in March and I am trying to take her off the Ativan. I'm extremely sensitive to it. I just realized I have been doing a 5 per cent reduction instead of 10 and I have still had withdrawl symptoms! I am using a file and a jeweler scale. My taper started at .069 in weight and I am down to .035 in all three doses. But I think I took a little too much off last time and for the past week I've had panic anxiety nausea and depression. I am holding this reduction on the third dose for 3 weeks now as strong symptoms started the end of last week and continue. I had labs done to see if it was thyroid and am waiting on results. My 1st question is, should I be tapering on only one dose until it goes to zero instead of doing 1 every two weeks. Because if I continue this way I will go off of all of them at the same time. I appreciate any help. Have really been discouraged and frightened With this past symptoms
  7. Hello, looking for guidance. 2013-Nov 6 2021 I was on lexapro 7.5 mg Cannabis 2015- Nov 6 2021 Had a panic attack, Dr took me off Lexapro and to stop cannabis and said it wasn't working well and advised Buspar 10 mg 2x per day. (Nov 12). He should have never took me off lexapro after that many years... Tried Buspar for 2 weeks. Mild symptom relief. But then withdrawal symptoms happened. Head has always burned after stopping Lexapro. Then Developed burning throughout body, brain zaps, hot flashes/then shivering, derealization, fast heart rate, trouble sleeping, decreased mood, hypersensitive to sound and light, trouble concentrationing, can't watch TV or listen to music at 1.5 weeks of stopping Lexapro. Stopped working my job. Reinstated 2.5 mg of Lexapro 3 days (some improvement). Then 5 mg 1 day, 3 mg? 2 days.. Had Akathisia bad. Really bad. Increased anxiety. Was told to take klonopin .25 mg each day. Reduced Lexapro to 1.25 mg (Dec 1-3). Akathisia went down some on Dec 3. Still feel very antsy in chest, head and arms when I wake up. Burning on head all day. Still sensitive to sound and light. Body temperature has improved. I have 5 mg Lexapro pills I have been cutting into quarters for 1.25 mg. I have read about low reinstatement after I experienced Akathisia and that's why I lowered. Do I continue with 1.25 mg? I was off Lexapro for 20 days. 14 days of withdrawal symptoms before Reinstatement. I really want my life back. Thank you for any help.
  8. Hi- I’m 34 and started Zoloft April 2022 at 25mg and 15mg buspar(as needed). A week later was told to increase to 50’mg zoloft. At 4 weeks increased to 75mg Zoloft and upped buspar to 15mg twice a day. If I want to taper which med should I start with first? I’m terrified of withdrawal symptoms. I started taking these meds because of the worst anxiety and panic attacks I’ve ever had. Anxiety has gotten better but I did have another mild panic attack a few weeks ago. Maybe I’m not ready to wean off yet? I just want to get a head start on thinking and planning of tapering off and wanted to know the best course of action. Thanks!
  9. I was on Paxil from 1996 to 2013 when I foolishly thought I was doing well after my father's death the year before. I asked my then psychiatrist about changing to a newer med, one that wouldn't cause weight gain. He recommended Wellbutrin, so I titrated off Paxil for 4 to 6 weeks. This was the beginning of my ride on the anti-depressant merry-go-round from hell....
  10. Hello, I ve been attempting to discontinue ssri's for quite some time with mixed results. Currently reduced my celaxa from 2.6 to 2.4. My brain isnt really liking it. Judging from past experience its not that severe. But severe is relative. It doesnt really feel good and can be quite frightening at times, increased depression, apathy and a little/lot of fear. I expected it to be a little easier judging from my last cut in Oct. 2013. Its frustrating that such a small reduction can have such a pronounced effect. My current meds are listed in my sig. Hopefully, with some help I ll be able to be med free one of these days. I already know its a long process. Me...
  11. TLDR - Dr badly advised Zyprexa CT at 2.5 - Tried to reinstate Zyprexa after 1.5 months off. -Started to see improvement at .25 reinstatement dose -After 4 days, accidently up-dosed to 2.5 and had bad reaction -Tried to lower back to .25 but was still to activating from up-dose -Lowered dose to 1/8, no reaction but started to get sick with new withdrawal symptoms -Back up to .25 at dr order, but had a reaction (not as bad as the 2.5 dose), will things get better over time? -Don't know what to do now -Life feels ruined Hi everyone. As many of these stories go, I feel like my life has been crumbling, and it happened in such a short amount of time, and I possibly ruined any chance I had to salvage it forever. Back in 2020 I started a prescription of 10mg Dexedrine for ADHD. In January of 2021 I had a very stressful and traumatic life event happen that sent me into psychosis. I ended up coming out of it on my own, but continued to take the Dexedrine not knowing it could have been a contributing factor. December of 2021, continued stress from that same traumatic life even remerged and I entered back into psychosis but was this time hospitalized. I was given 10mg Zyprexa in hospital. Upon exiting the hospital my Dr quickly started to reduce the 10mg Zyprexa (I don't think we even went to 7.5 but can't remember) and by February I was on 5mg, March I was on 2.5 and by the last week of April I stopped CT, although I didn't realize it was a CT at the time being told it was the lowest dose and fine to stop . The obvious happened and I entered extreme withdrawals. I called Dr about a week later and told her about the extreme anxiety I was having and was prescribed Buspar. The very day I took it, the insomnia started. Called Dr again, she prescribed hydroxyzine as needed for insomnia and anxiety. Anxiety still increased to a 3 day panic attack from not sleeping. Went to urgent care and was prescribed klonopin to stop panic attack and helped some with sleep. I kept pushing through thinking things had to get better, but was extremely scared about becoming addicted to klonopin so took sparingly only after several days of hardly sleeping. The insomnia was brutal and destroyed me. Some night out the blue I would get 8 hours, and then days with very little. I do not do well mentally/physically with low sleep, I have always need TONS of sleep including naps to function so this was almost giving a new form trauma. After several weeks of suffering I found a FB group and this website about going back on and tapering off more slowly. I asked my dr to help reinstate and taper off, but she would not saying she did not have the capacity to do that, plus she said I was not diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar and so was not a medicine I needed to be prescribed. I literally begged to go back on thinking it was the only way to get my sleep back. I told her I would die if I did not go back on and get sleep, she said go to the hospital and hung up on me. Could not go to hospital as I have a daughter to take care of, so found a new Dr. She unfortunately also said I should of been fine to come off at 2.5. I told her about going back on an tapering off more slowly but was told "you can't do that, 2.5 is the lowest dose they make!" She gave me Mirtazapine instead. Took 3 doses for 3 different nights 3.75, 7.5, 15. None of which helped more than a few hours of sleep. At this point after reading this website about withdraws only improving by reinstating the original medicine I was scared to start a new medicine that might not even help, and seemed just as difficult to stop as the zyprexa. Dr then thought maybe the insomnia was caused by an adverse reaction to buspar after it started the first day I took it. Told me to stop CT and wait a few days to see if it helped. I did sleep for 8 hours one night a day after stopping but then could not sleep for 3 days. Called dr again and begged to go back on zyprexa. She finally agreed after we waited a few more days for buspar to get out of system. When I asked what dose to start the zyprexa with she was confused as she said 2.5 was the lowest dose. Decided to follow advise and wait a couple more days to see if it really was the buspar but ended up getting a horrific cold and reinstated zyprexa (after 1.5 months off) on my own without dr help (since she most likely would of had me just go back to 2.5) Started with .25 and actually started sleeping again for 4 days! But at this point my husband was over my struggles as it's now been over a month of hell and was pressuring me to get better by the end of the week (even though I had a legit cold, and know it takes time to stabilize). I got nervous about losing my family and thought I could try to increase a little from .25 to .5mg. Since I was sick my husband cut my pill, BUT not paying attention cut an old 5mg pill I still had in closet instead of the 2.5 giving me a full 2.5 dose. Ended up having an extreme bad reaction. Instead of calming me it made me crazy/manic/a touch akathia/ extreme stomach pains like and animal was trying to gnaw through it . Could not fall sleep but did eventually for 2 hours. Next night tried to go back down to .25 dose but same thing happened, just not AS bad, did not sleep and so after not sleeping the night before took a klonopin, and did sleep. Didn't take any medicine the next night since I was scared of the reactions (no sleep). Was considering stopping all together after reaction but tried 1/8 of dose the next night in the middle of the night when I could not sleep and did not have a reaction and even slept some. Tried 1/8 dose next night but did not sleep, no bad reaction to it but EXTREME anxiety over what this all means and what to do about dosing now. Had doctor appoint and this time brought my husband and mother along for support and explained everything that was going on. She seemed more on board this time with letting me reinstate at a small dose and was able to get a prescription for a liquid I got filled at a compounding pharmacy for .25 dose since I did sleep on that when I originally reinstated it. I was such a wreck from all the stress of trying to figure out right dose and feeling like my life was over (also I believe I started to experience new withdrawals from switching doses around and was starting to get very sick quickly) so at 6:30pm took .5 klonopin and then took the .25 dose. Ended up again having a small reaction after taking pill of slight panic/anxiety/akathia. Took an epson salt bath for 2 hours with some chamomile tea and actually calmed down to the point that I was actually sleepy and was able sleep all night long. Unsure how much of a role klonopin played in all that, but I imagine it must have helped. Where I find myself today. Dr said to give it time to work and see her next week. I am very concerned that our mistaken large up-dose made me hypersensitive to the medicine and will continue to have these reactions after taking it. My family of course does not understand any of this and thinks you can just take a pill and start to feel better, so that is adding to the stress. Once you become sensitive to a medicine like that, is it at all possible for your system to calm down and become stable again on it, or did we ruin that chance?? I feel like I finally figured it all all out, only it might be too little too late... my Dr finally on board agreeing to a small reinstatement at the lower dose, finding a compound pharmacy to do a liquid prescription, the plan to slowly taper off now, but worried I have ruined my chances. I feel now like I could not even stop taking the medicine without some sort of taper if I continue to have these type of reactions as I was already having new withdraw symptoms from just the week I played around with the doses. I wish I could back in time, and never took that accidental up-dose! I really felt at .25 since I was sleeping I could have stabilized and possibly salvaged my life. If I keep having these reactions I don't know what I will do. On the positive side, since the CT my stomach had been getting progressively worse, could not eat and suffering low bloodsugar drops, and since starting again is completely back to normal, so I am seeing some improvements to reinstating. I don't know if this is accurate but it feels like my body is in a battle. My CNS is clearly not happy what I have put it through and spazing out, but at the same time my brain is now already dependent on me being back the on medicine. Can my CNS eventually calm down and accept the .25 dose or did I loose my chance at a successful reinstatement for good?? Will giving it more time work like my dr said? Should I try to lower it some? I think the 1/8 dose was too low as I got withdraw going back down that low, even from such a short amount of time at the .25 and the accidental updose. Am I stuck on this medicine now not able to stop immediately and suffering ever time I take my dose needing a klonopin to counteract the medicine reaction for the rest of my taper? It's hard to think sometimes your life might be over from such a small mistake, so mentally this is destroying me.
  12. Seroquel Abillify Wellbutrin Prozac Lexapro Zoloft Paxil Buspar Hydroxyzine Trazedone Cymbalta Lamictal Propanolol Oxcarbazepine Prazosin Xanax Celexa Amitriptylin Ambien Mirtazapine Hi, 33/F Ive been on all of the above medicines at some point or another from 2002 to recently. I have stopped them all with no withdrawl issues..... except for something very strange has happened recently. Is this withdrawl? Current Meds: Prilosec (GERD), Lasix (IIH) , Lisinopril (BP) I was taking zoloft a couple months ago, and a bit after i started that, i started mirtazapine. I had Covid around this time too. It was very mild. Biggest symptoms were being a mucus fountain, sore throat, a little bit muscle weirdness, and weird headaches, including headaches WHILE sleeping. a couple weeks later my situation changed, im in a much better, happier place (unrelated to meds), so i stopped zoloft. (I have been on zoloft before and had no withdrawl symptoms). Not long after that, i had a weird depersonalization with my hands. Now, i am a very scientific person, i do not act based upon emotions as much as i can... I have no body dysphoria. I was riding in a car on a day i was kind of tired, didnt sleep much (hard night of minecraft), and all of a sudden my hands felt like they weren't my hands. If I'm on my phone texting, my brain just goes "HEY WHY ARE THOSE FINGERS MOVING? THOSE ARENT MINE. WOW!" and my brain is amazed that they are moving every 10 seconds. It's the most disturbing thing Ive ever felt. I don't feel it if I can't see my hands, so for example, if I'm texting In the dark or at my PC. This feeling primarily happens when texting on my phone. Wearing fingerless gloves dampens the effect slightly. I've been really upset over it, and I feel my back and arms be really tense and sore, which is normal for when I'm upset . The only Injuries to happen recently was I was cut by my washing machine, and my cat scratched me. No numbness or tingling at that time. I've been going to therapy since 2003, and have only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I am not insane. I have not gone through anything traumatic recently. If anything, I've been having a really good time this month, for the first time in years. Fearing it could be the mertazpine, i stopped it. about a week later, i started sweating profusely at night. drenched. No nightmares. no anxiety. just DRENCHED. a few days after i started to get drenched every night, i woke up SOAKING wet one day, my spine started feeling cold and numb and i had a panic attack. My muscles didnt work, it was as if i were drunk. my head was fuzzy and confused, and i stumbled BARELY into the bathtub. I managed to get into the bathtub, still clothed, and into hot water. I felt a little better, still confused. arms and spine still feel a bit weird,. I went to the ER for the first time in my life. They found nothing wrong. EKG, Chest Xray, Blood work, pee test, and they gave me an IV for hydration. while im glad its nothing seriously wrong (i guess), i am still freaked out by waking up drenched. I still get really upset being cold by being drenched. My arms and hands feel very twitchy. sometimes my legs. I had some mild tingly-ness in my fingertips for a couple days, but thats gone now. It feels the more days go on, the more twitchy i get, and IDK if its med withdrawl from mertazepine, since i only took it for a month. I LOVED the med. i slept really good and had AWESOME dreams.... I have an appt with my general dr on the 30th, but im afraid theyre going to tell me more of "we dont know whats wrong" Feeling twitchy and cold and fuzzy and panicy all the time is absolutely ruining this change in my life that is the happiest ive been in a long time. I am just -so scared-. Also for the record, i keep my house around 70F, so i dont get hot or cold due to environmental factors. I do not get hot or sweat while i am awake. I do not feel hot at night. I seem to feel a bit better as time goes on throughout the day, and im scared to sleep because i know im going to be drenched and panicing. The only thing that has seemed to have improved, is i dont know if i just got used to it or what, but when texting, i dont get a lot of the "My hands arent mine" feeling anymore. but my arms and hands still FEEL physically weird being twitchy. Im holding myself tight and having soreness in my shoulders... I am well aware that i should not be stopping meds cold turkey, but i have never had a problem before this, so i am curious if it could be the issue? Medicine withdrawl? tetanus from my washing machine? Cat scratch fever? Am i finally going crazy? I am scared. what do you all think?>
  13. Introduction topic: ☼-mranxious-3-months-off-effexor-xr-6-years-on Heyyyyyy 😊 I am alive !!!!!! Out there living a life that I am proud of and comfortable with. Pheww I am one of the blessed ones to have breached the other side and lived to talk about and YOU WILL TOO !! That was one hell of a ride. One that is FAR FAR FAR in the rearview mirror 🙃 If you have read my story, you will know that I went through literally the most traumatic event in my life and that was "Effexor Withdrawal". From start to finish I was unsure I would make it through this time, but here I am and let me tell you "Its a process". This will not happen overnight...BUT if you make the right moves, eat healthy and take your vitamins, time will heal, only time BUT everything you do in the mean time will make the difference in the end. Here is what I did : -Increased Omega 3:6:9 daily -Lots of purified water -Maximize sleep if you can and set a goof environment to be able to sleep(No sleeping drugs) -eliminated processed foods and to a whole food plant based lifestyle(THE BIGGEST GAME CHANGER for me and healer I believe* -Cut out all toxic people -light walks/bikes/swims daily(Key word "light". -meditation- daily(Prayer as well daily) -Church -daily mantras "I will heal" "I will get better" "I am getting better" -Reading books, occupying my time -Multivitamin and mineral support tablet I went from being a very anxious person once off Effexor for months and months of withdrawal , to now years later, a fully functional human being again 😎 I fully believe that in order to fully heal, you need to be fully off any pharmatheuticals (Per doctors orders of course, my disclosure) ughh 😋 Oh yes and find a good doctor that will listen to you and meet your needs "YOUR NEEDS". I have found a wonderful doctor and he is all about my plant life and healing and he is all about me living my best life drug free. Whatever you are going through right now, just know it gets so much better. It can takes months to years to recover. Realize this is your journey and a special one. Myself personally believes that god has transformed my old life into my new life and I can't be ever more thankful and grateful. One hell of a adventure but "hey" I love who I am more now and have grown exponentially since this ordeal. I have days where I cry happy tears over the smallest things, butterfly on a flower, old person smiling, to the breeze blowing off the lake , to the food on my plate. I never appreciated it before Effexor and I took it for granted, now it just happens and i love it 😊 I guess it all depends how you look at it, but when things get grim and they will, come back here, read my story and just know you are all in good hands😊 The effort you put out now in the throws of this awful withdrawal, will eventually become the reward you see in your future !!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO RECOVER MY FRIENDS, ALL OF YOU !!!! STAY CALM AND SOLDIER ON, stay safe and always consult your doctor before making any moves and if they don't listen to you : FIND A NEW ONE !!!! But always stay in close touch with them please 😎 This website has been a game changer and so are all the admins* Beautiful hard working volunteers 🧡💛💚💜💖 *Taper, taper, taper your mediction , this is most important, don't rush a taper just because you start feeling good. It will catch up to you, stay the course 😎 or possibly suffer grave setbacks * *Feel free to message me* MR. A
  14. Hi All, I was on put on medication at a very young age, in my mid teens and the doctor immediately put me on medication in high school. I have been on different types of medication throughout the years: venlafaxine, fluoxetine, lexapro, and buspar. I was misdiagnosed and had a maladaptive thinking pattern that caused me to be a dramatic teen and my parents thought I was depressed. I don’t blame them- they did the best they could upon what they knew. I’ve been doing DBT for over the last year and believe it has helped. I mainly have ruminating thoughts at times and negative thinking patterns which causes anxiety at times. I don’t get panic attacks and I’m not clinically depressed. During the middle of 2021, I started tapering off my 20 mg lexapro and did a 10% taper over the course of the months. I had nausea, brain zaps, GI issues, vertigo the first few weeks. This subsided within 1.5- 2 months. Recently I have been weaning off the buspar. Doing 1 month long drops. Was taking 15 mg x2 day. Currently doing 15/10. A month later will do 10/10 etc. I have a high heart rate in the mornings and intrusive thoughts. I’m using the techniques from therapy but it’s so much more challenging to apply in this state. I’m having more mood related symptoms with the buspar than I did getting off the ssri. insight into anyones experience is appreciated taking fish oil, magnesium, ashwagnadha, CBD
  15. leoxx

    leoxx: Pristq

    I've been taking 50mg Pristiq for about 3 or so years I think. I've had acid reflux issues with SSRI use that seem to get worse over time. It got bad enough that I wanted to go off the Pristiq. I consulted my doctor about this, but she wanted me to get in with a primary care doctor first to have my acid reflux checked. I don't currently have a PCP and with covid, it's a lot of hassle, so after a couple of months of more acid reflux, I decided to "taper" of the Pristiq. It's worth mentioning that I also take generic wellbutrin and adderall to deal with autism. Pristiq was a medicine we had tacked on to the Wellbutrin to even me out. First starting at 25mg and then moving up to 50mg. I didn't think much of it since, at the time, it didn't seem like a high dose. I cut my 50mg pills roughly in half and took a half each day for 4 days. The first 4 days were pretty okay. After that I got dizzy spells (what people call the zaps). I expected this since I down dosed so quickly. I toughed it out for about a week and then dizziness went away. So at that point I thought I was done. I've been going through a lot of life stresses lately and my mood started to tank pretty bad. I thought it was all the stress, but I'm pretty sure now that it's withdrawal. I was pretty much crippled with sensory overload, anxiety, panic, and depression. My appetite was gone and I was force-feeding myself, but I couldn't eat much. I was in extremely rough shape and desperate for help. I live alone and dealing with that emotional distress was too hard to do alone. I spent significant amounts of time on the phone with my folks. They were packing to move to the neighboring state (Colorado), otherwise I would have gone to stay with them (I thought I was having Autistic Burnout). They eventually moved and I wasn't getting any better. With them gone, my local support network was basically 0. My therapist was working overtime with me (for free) because she was so concerned about me. It got to the point where I didn't want to be around my apartment (long story, but I felt it antagonized me from the neighbor noise), so I looked at checking my into a residential treatment facility. Long story short, my insurance wouldn't cover it because I wasn't actively suicidal (thoughts, but no intention, despite the hell I was going through). I broke down sobbing on the phone with my Dad. I was desperate and didn't know what to do. I asked him if I could stay with them at their new place. He talked it over with my Mom and said sure. It was very difficult for me, but I bought a next day flight to Denver. I had insane panic attacks that night about the flight (I've almost never flown). I called a crisis center just to have someone to talk to so I didn't feel so alone. I couldn't sleep at all. I'm a day sleeper generally, so flying at noon made me sleep deprived. I don't know how i got through the whole process and flew out here to Denver, but I did. I was actually doing pretty okay at first. I was overdid it though and towards the evening I just crawled up next to my mom on her bed and sobbed. My stomach started getting really achy that night, which was more intense than it has been before. I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted to go into the doctor but insurance would only cover ER out of state. Anyway, eventually I talked things over with a nurse practitioner over the phone and she basically told me the ER was unnecessary unless I was in extreme pain and to try some pepto and check in with an in-network doc online. I went to bed. I slept for over 16 hours straight. I was exhausted. That evening I had more panic and crying. I realized then, now that virtually all my stressors from home were gone, that this whole ordeal was very similar to the Xanax withdrawal I was going through about 3.5 years ago. I did some googling and found this site. I read through the entire page on tapering off Pristiq and pretty much any other information I could find and realized how bad the Pristiq withdrawal really is. I explained this to my folks and it made a lot more sense to them. Despite all this, since it's been I think close to 3 weeks since I first tapered, I thought I'd try to see this through to the end. Well, in addition to some anxiety and crying tonight (it seems to be getting better), my stomach is hell right now. It's been cramping to the max. I was even dry heaving earlier. This is all new. I've also been unable to sleep more than about 6 broken hours in the last 24. The other motivation is that I didn't bring the Pristiq with me to Denver, only my other meds. If i were to taper now, I'd either have to find a pharmacy that would tide me over here and pay out of pocket or go home with a costly plane flight and go back in the 50mg until I can get hold of my doctor. That said, I was hoping to stay here through Thanksgiving and really don't want to go back to the noise, stress, and loneliness of that apartment. I know withdrawal times can vary and the best course is to generally taper down. But having been through so much and knowing that Pristiq is very hard to taper off of, I almost feel it might be more convenient and less painful in the long run to just stay the course. My question is, how much longer do you think it will take for my CNS to get back to some sense of homeostasis where I can function better? So far my mood has been much better, except for some hiccups during the night where I get dysphoric. The real bear right now is my stomach. Will I be out of the woods soon?
  16. Hello, I am a mom who is helping her 16 year old son (under the guidance of his psychiatrist) to taper off psychotropic medications. He has a complex medical history with cancer and narcolepsy and mood issues. I am not sure what, if anything, his current meds are doing for him given how long he has been on them and how much he has changed in that time. He is currently doing very well and is in full agreement on trying to reduce/stop the medications. After 2 previous disastrous attempts to taper him off Risperal in the past (done in the traditional, much too fast way), I was able to help him taper off Risperdal this past year. He started at a dose of 1 mg (taken as .5 mg morning and evening) in June of 2017. As outlined on this site, I reduced him monthly by 10% of the current dose for around the first 7 months and then was then able to speed up the time between reductions (because my son was doing very well and asked me to speed it up!). He has now been off Risperdal for 5 months, doing well, and I would like to try and taper him off Celexa. His psychiatrist is in agreement with tapering him off. Although the psychiatrist (a brand new once as my son's old psychiatrist left his practice this summer) had never heard of the 10% reduction method, he is supportive and wrote a prescription for liquid Celexa so that I can give him a combination of pill and liquid during the taper. I have the liquid and I can start at any time, but I am feeling very nervous! I thought it might help to discuss my plan here. I also have a few questions. My plan is to, as I did with the Risperdal and is recommended here, reduce the dose by 10% of the previous dose. I have the 10 mg/5 ml Celexa solution and 10 mg tablets. My son's current dose is 30 mg, so he takes three 10 mg tables each morning. Here is my reduction schedule for the first few months, starting with his current dose of Celexa, and the combination of tablet and liquid I will give him 30 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 5 ml liquid (this is his current dose - just to be extra cautious I will give him a few days at this dose because of the change to a combination of liquid and pill) 27 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 3.5 ml liquid (I will have him stay at this dose for 1 month provided everything is going well) 24.3 mg: 10 mg tablet + 10 mg tablet + 2.15 ml liquid (again, 1 month at this dose) My first question has to do with how precise to be with rounding off dosage amounts. I have a 5 ml and a 1 ml syringe. The 1 ml syringe is divided into hundredths, so I can get precise, but do I need to? I did with the Risperdal taper, but I started at 1 mg, so I needed to. For example, the third reduction, rounded to the nearest hundredth of a mg, is a dose of 21.87 mg. So, for this reduction I could give him two 10 mg tablets and .94 ml of the liquid. Or, I could round up to 22 mg and give him the two tablets and 1 ml of liquid. Any thoughts on precision of rounding would be appreciated! My second question is what would be a good drink to mix the liquid Celexa into. I put the Risperdal into a very small amount of milk. I am thinking of using milk again. Thank you!
  17. Hello! You can call me Rosa. I'm 35, live in the western US and I've been on antidepressants since I was about 14 years old. Most of this time, I've been on a steady dose of 10mg of Lexapro. ***skip to the bottom for TL;DR tapering question*** I knew about AD withdrawal syndrome pretty early on as I was switching medications a lot before getting settled on Lexapro. With Lexapro, I was able to stay alive and not flunk out of high school while also not feeling drugged, like I had on some of the other stuff I took. As the years went on, I assumed it was something that I would just have to take forever. My mother has a mental illness, her grandmother had a mental illness -- this was my genetic destiny and the only way to break the cycle was to take my medicine (and not have kids). After a hospitalization in my late 20s, I was bumped up to 20mg for a little while and instructed on how to taper back down to 10mg. My anxiety went through the roof, along with other unpleasant feelings like "brain zaps" and fatigue. Then is when I realized that it would be hard to get off ADs entirely, even if I wanted to. It would never be a "good time" to feel like that. In the last 3 years or so is when I started giving serious thought to getting off Lexapro. I was feeling better most of the time and even when I did feel bad, it only made me wonder if the Lex was even working. I started getting the strange zapping sensations sometimes, to the point where I would check to make sure I took my meds -- and I had. The fear of withdrawal and of how bad my depression and anxiety could possibly get kept me on it. Then I found a partner. Then I lost a friend to depression. Then COVID. Then job loss. Then the general uncertainty of a career change and a brave new mean world turned upside down. A doctor wanted to up my Lexapro to 20mg in August 2020 (on the day I was let go from my job) but given the difficulty I'd had before, I didn't do it. However, in January 2021, I was experiencing such severe symptoms of mental illness that I had to do something. The experience of having one of the worst years in history and then experiencing little relief/added side effects from the Lexapro cemented my desire to get off it. I tapered down to 10mg in a month, with Buspar added to help. It went fine and I thought I had gotten away with it...until I found myself feeling like microwaved **** last weekend after a week of holding at 10mg. Today, I went to a psych and outlined my plan why I wanted to taper. 1. I've been on ADs since before I was fully grown 2. I don't think they're working anymore 3. Sexual disfunction, which sucks for the first time because I'm with someone I love He agreed it was good to get off them. The plan is to stay on 10mg of Lex until I feel better and then switch to liquid Celexa/citalopram for a taper that's as slow as I want/need it to be. This does raise a question that I hope someone might be able to help with. The dose of the liquid I'm supposed to start with is 5ml, which is equivalent to 10mg of citalopram. However, based on what I've read, a dose of Lexapro is equal to two doses of citalopram. Shouldn't I be starting at 2.5ml/5mg of citalopram? If anyone has experience switching to citalopram to taper from Lexapro, I'd also love to hear from you.
  18. I have been taking Celexa 20 mg daily for almost 7 years. My doctor added BuSpar 10 mg twice daily about 3 years ago. I am now ready to get off of psychiatric medications. I feel lazy/tired all the time and don't often get excited about things like I used to; I feel numb emotionally and am want to feel even a little more alive. My husband and I want to start trying for a baby in the next 8-10 months. Ideally I would be off psychiatric medication for a few months before pregnancy. I am interested in learning how to successfully taper off both medications.
  19. It's getting worse. Newest symptom is diarrhea, no appetite, and unable to eat. I ate some crackers last night after only boullion for a few days. Had severe stomach cramps and finally vomiting. Is this another Ad withdrawal symptom? I didn't taper properly. My insurance quit covering the drug. Med professional put me on buspar which made symptoms worse. Is this ever going to get better?
  20. I recently got pregnant and went from 10mg paxil to 5mg in one week and then completely stopped. I then had a miscarriage (about 2 months ago) and am having severe withdrawal symptoms. Would it be safe to go back on a low dose of paxil and try to taper off properly, or is it too late? I am miserable! Thanks in advance. Update as of March 29, 2017: Link to post below
  21. Hi all, I am currently 4 months removed from any pharmaceuticals after a lengthy 6-7 month withdrawal from Pristiq, then a relatively quick taper of Buspar/Buspirone (1 month). I spent half of my life (starting at age 22) on anti-depressants such as Lexapro, Zoloft, and most recently (the last 12 years) Pristiq. I was on 100 mg of Pristiq for most of that stretch. Around the end of 2020, my psychiatrist added Buspirone to help with anxiety...which did help. I later discovered that an SNRI, according to my psychiatrist, can cause anxiety in some people. If true, I was certainly one of those people. During this entire 22 year ordeal, my depression and anxiety was fairly under control, but I was absolutely crippled with daily insomnia and unending sexual side-effects. Starting around February of 2021, I started taking a new approach to self-care, my health, and I finally enrolled in proper counseling first time in my life to address to root cause of my depression and anxiety. In addition, the book Breaking the Patterns of Depress by Dr. Michael Yapko was a huge help. I worked with both my psychiatrist and my primary care physician to slowly taper down Pristiq (which wasn't too bad until I hit the lowest possible dose of 25mg). I started the the final taper of Pristiq in October 2021...and it was brutal. What actually carried me through, personally, was a temporary increase in Buspirone (recommended by my primary care doc), which seemed to ease my anxiety and help with some of the discontinuation symptoms of dizziness and brain-zaps. Finally, in November of 2021, I completed my taper of Buspirone. Although I've had peaks and valley's during this recovery, I feel the best mentally...in the history of me! I was never a heavy drinker, but I have completely stopped drinking alcohol to give myself the best chance at this recovery...and I also exercise daily for the first time in my life. Although the sexual side effects are around 50% better (praying this continues to improve) my insomnia continues to be absolutely debilitating. My main question: Even though it's been 4 months since my last dose, could my brain/system still be recovering from the 2 decades of SNRI/SSRI use? I can't seem to find a consistent answer online, nor through my doctors. Thank you!
  22. I was wondering if anyone has ever experienced a vibration sensitivity after they went off or went back on Prozac? Anything that vibrates (driving, a train going by, the refrigerator motor, Heater going on and off, washing machine) I feel the vibrations very strong and they are going through my whole body. I feel best at night when I am laying down and everything is quiet. I also have plugged up ears, I hear buzzing and white noise. I also feel the vibrations in my ears. I've gone to an ENT and neurologist, etc. and they cannot find anything. Also, I have a high sensitivity to all smells. I cannot tolerate any chemical smells and natural smells are extremely strong and can be unbearable. I was on 20 mg of Prozac and 300 mg of Wellbutrin and stopped cold turkey. After 6 months (only symptom was very extremely emotional and could not control it), went back on 10-20 mg. of Prozac only and that's when the vibration issues started. I also tried CBD tincture and it made the vibrations much worse. Don't know if I should try to taper off the Prozac or try another medication. My doctor added Buspar 4 weeks ago and it doesnt seem to help but I feel more tired during the day. I have to maintain a full-time job but it is getting harder to do so. Any insight would be appreciated.
  23. Hello I will give a brief summary of what has happened after taking most recent drugs. I am a 21 yr old college student, low-income and person of color who recently had to drop their studies (September) due to what I think is OCD and quit their job (November) due to never before experienced debilitating and frightening symptoms. These began after stopping Luvox 50 mg and Prozac 20 mg. I have never been warned or informed or properly tapered off any psychotropic drug by any psychiatrists I have seen including the one (due to insurance I can only speak with him once a month) who prescribed me the last four recent drugs. I was unfortunately very naive in my decisions surrounding these drugs. For clarity: I was being treated for "depression" and anxiety. Started at age 17. My signature is copied off records of prescription dates. For the most part I did not take pills regularly, I remember last year organizing my room and seeing that I had bottles full of pills I never took. A lot of prescriptions were what the psychiatrists called trial and error, so I was trying pills to see their effects which were miss which made me realize they were making me sick so I stopped. I unfortunately cannot remember which ones I did take consistently prior to this year (2021). Up until summer I was taking propranolol as needed for anxiety/stress (it had been I think ~1 yr more or less since I had taken any drug). During the summer I needed and wanted guidance to cope with anxiety/stress in the form of therapy. Through my insurance I emailed and left calls for many people but did not get responses and was getting discouraged. I was so desperate for relief that I was prescribed buspirone 10 mg, which did initially provide a calming relief. In the beginning of September 2021, I was overwhelmed with work and inability to properly cope with my internal problems which was taking a toll on my studies. *Here is where details become very blurry. I let the current psychiatrist know and he prescribed me Fluvoxamine 50 mg. The first two times I took it in the evening and found that it made me restless, it did not let me sleep. So I switched to taking it in the mornings and cut it in half; it still made me restless and I would be very sleepy during the day. I let the psychiatrist know and he told me to switch to Prozac 20 mg. I took it once it the morning before work and the restlessness was awful, I could not sleep at all. Note: I do remember taking advil pm and even buspirone alongside the fluvoxamine at the same time to abate the restlessness. I ceased all medications and after that and since then I have been experiencing things I have never experienced before. -acute short-term memory loss and other gaps in memory* -frightening confusion* -cognitive problems* -weird thinking and feelings I do not know the words to describe* -vision problems (after-image, visual snow/static, visual distortion, stars in vision)* -loss of personality and identity* -head ache/pain/pressure mostly* (this has been consistent, I remember waking up one day before work in October to a sharp pain only in the right side of my head, then afterwards feeling pressure localized around only the right side of my head/eye, and now a bit of the top of my head) -slipping in and out of consciousness when closing my eyes* -dpdr* -auditory problems (cannot focus on what I'm listening)* -feeling stuck in my head* -intrusive thoughts like never before* -hypnagogia -disorientation -delirium -coordination and balance problems -fear and dread -lack of motivation -bizzare dreams -heart/chest pain -dreadful anxiety for no reason -severe depression/anhedonia (I have never in my life experienced actual depression)* -crying so much There are more but I cannot remember right now. The ones with asterisks are the most concerning for me. Everything came on so suddenly and abruptly and unprecedentedly. I am so afraid that I am developing a more serious mental illness and that I will have to take more drugs which I do not want. I have no support system, my family is busy and other people I know are as well. The psychiatrist doesn't think the drugs did anything. With what strength I have, I was able to schedule a neurologist appointment and will be getting studies done. I feel that I am wasting their time. I think deep down I want this to be something physical that can be cured. Which I know is wishful and doesn't serve me good. I am trying my best to not let my fear get to me but I am constantly reminded of my decisions. I am beyond heartbroken, this is not who I am. I am a spirited and passionate person, I do not know what to do as I wait for answers.
  24. ADMIN NOTE moved initial posts from Mission of Surviving Antidepressants Hello. What do you exactly mean "if the symptoms are from and adverse or paradoxical reaction to medication, the medication has to be gradually withdrawn for recovery."? Is three to four months of gradual withdrawel enough? Thats what I did.
  25. Hello -- I'm so glad to have found this site. I really need help. I was prescribed 7.5 mg Remeron about a year ago (I think February 2020) due to health anxiety. Before being prescribed this drug, I had never had any sleep issues whatsoever. The Remeron was great for my anxiety for awhile (I think I was on it about 7 months), but then I began to notice that, when taking handwritten notes in interviews with clients (I'm an attorney), I was frequently skipping over letters (e.g. would write "cient" instead of "client" and then immediately notice and go back and add in the letter) -- this was something I'd never noticed happening before. I also didn't like the feeling I had when waking up in the morning -- for the first few minutes, I felt like I was still asleep, but I also 100% knew that I was awake. It was very disconcerting -- felt like I was losing my mind -- and I knew I wanted to get off the medication. My psychiatrist said, "no problem, you're at a super low dose, just quit." I did that and immediately could not sleep a wink and had no appetite at all. I suffered through that for a few weeks, but it was simply intolerable by that time and not getting better. I found a Remeron FB group that suggested reinstating. So, I reinstated at about 2.5 mg in, I guess, September 2020? and that helped reduce the initial intolerable withdrawal symptoms a lot. But then I started having awful GI symptoms. I went to a gastroenterologist after weeks of that and was told I needed a colonoscopy. The results of the colonoscopy were normal, and my symptoms finally subsided. As that was going on, I was slowly reducing my dose via a liquid preparation my pharmacy prepares for me. I stayed at 2.5 for September, then 2 for October, then 1.05 for November, then down by .15 mg per week for December (.9 first week, .75 second week, .6 third week, .45 fourth week, .3 fifth week) so that I was at .15 mg (1 mg of liquid) at the start of January 2021. I also started on buspirone (5 mg 3 times a day) to help deal with my anxiety in November, a drug which seems to be more benign than many other alternatives. I stayed at .15 on the Remeron (an amount so small that I could barely taste it!) until 3 days ago, when it felt absolutely ridiculous to continue, so I stopped. To be honest, my sleep kept getting worse and worse throughout November and December -- I would wake up several times a night -- but each time I'd be able to fall back asleep pretty easily, so it was tolerable. Then, the day I completely stopped taking the .15 mg, I couldn't sleep more than an hour. I was tired and fell asleep at the regular time, then woke up with a racing heart an hour later. The rest of the night I got no sleep at all. The next day, I decided to take the .15 mg again, which maybe helped a little, but I also took 2 benadryl, so it might have been that that was helping -- at any rate, I slept for 3 hours that night. Yesterday, I took the .15 mg again and also took .5 mg of melatonin. I got 3.5 hours of sleep, woke up at 2 am, took another .25 mg of melatonin, and slept fitfully the rest of the night (waking up on the hour but eventually falling back asleep again, such that I may have gotten another segmented 2.5 hours of sleep). With my health anxiety, I'm really worried that I've permanently ruined my ability to sleep normally, or, in particularly dark moments, I start worrying that some other cognitive degeneration is happening (I'm only 39!), because it doesn't seem possible that such a small amount of Remeron could be having such extreme effects. My psychiatrist (a different one now than the one who originally prescribed Remeron) said he's been practicing for 45 years and never seen anyone have trouble coming off of Remeron. He's trying to prescribe me a benzo to help me sleep and I really don't want to go there. Any advice??? I don't know if I should go back to a higher dose of Remeron again, and if so, what dose, or if I should stay off and rely on Melatonin to get whatever sleep I can until sleep gets back to normal (if ever???) I would be so appreciative of any advice.
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