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  1. Seven/eight years ago, due to a peculiar set of circumstances, I ended up closing down the successful business I had founded. The loss of my business and financial resources lead to various problems in my life. About six years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My psychiatrist put me on: Citalopram 10 mg/day. Axal (Alpralozam) 0.5 mg The immediate effect was that the anxiety disappeared. The depression got better (or at least the symptoms did), however I never returned to life of extreme activity like I had lead previously. About two years ago my medications were changed. Citalopram 10 mg twice a day i.e. 20 mg Effexor Xr 75 mg/day Axal 0.5 mg day. In these years I have tried quitting cold at least 4 times. Each time I had to go back on medications. The only success story is that I gave up Axal, a benzo, cold. I had no WD effects from giving up Axal. Today I only take Citalopram 20 mg and Effexor 75 mg. I must add that I also have Epilepsy since I was 13 years old. For the past 37 years I have been taking anti-epileptic drugs. My current drugs for Epilepsy are: Tegral 400 mg. Lumark 750 mg. These I cannot get rid off for obvious reasons. My only wish is to get off Citalopram and Effexor XR. I totally believe these do not help me. My anxiety has gone away, but I have this permanent listlessness. I was once an over-ambitious person and today I am totally flat. I don’t feel much emotions, and the desire to achieve success is gone. Failures and losses don't bother me either. This is not what and who I was. I’ve read many of the subjects here, including the wonderfully detailed Taper section. I do need your advice as to how I should approach my taper. Should I quit Effexor XR first or Citalopram? Any other advice on muti-drug taper would be welcome. PS: My daughter gets married in 3 months. I am planning to start a very low 5-10% taper immediately. Any advice? Thanks again.
  2. Hi all. For me the trouble started in 2009 when i was in my last semester of college. For 3 years i lived at a student home where i had the best time of my life. Partying, smoking weed, going out, hanging out, cooking the food i want, making new friends, girlfriends etc. The tought of going home again after 3 years was making me feel a little depressed during the last semester. When I eventualy was home again and started my first job it hit hard. After a week of working there i was severly depressed and couldnt sleep anymore, was anxious about a lot of things. I went to my doctor and explained my situation. He put me on mirtazipine, that worked for the insomnia but that’s it. I had side effects like beeing nauseous all the time and sometimes loosing my balance. I had a job as a technical engineer who was working on heavy and dangerous machines, so I was anxious for doing wrong things that could kill me. After a few months I went back to the doctor and told him it wasn’t working, so he put me on another AD Cymbalta. During these first months of working I also quited smoking weed, After starting the cymbalta I also started smoking again, together with that and changing jobs I got back into positive spiral, quited the cymbalta with tapering down on my doctors advice(had brainzaps for a few weeks but nothing more). That lasted till my boss changed my function in the company due to the financial crisis. After a few months in my new job I was getting depressed again and I chose to change jobs again, that was at the end of 2010. From january 2011 till september-october it went well but then I got back into the negative spiral. I went back on the cymbalta and that was the beginning of HELL. On newyears eve I went to my first goa-party and did LSD for the first time, Awsome experience! I also played poker a lot that period and occasionally then I did cocaine. At the end of february when coming back from a trip to Portugal I felt a lot of energy, no depression, feeling like the king of the world… Didn’t know this was (hypo)mania. I quited my job, I just walked out one day without saying anything never to return. From february until may I partied, went to bars, the casino, spending money, doing a lot goa-parties. Sleeping less and less because I didn’t feel tired at all, LSD,coke,weed, etc. Eventually I got into a severe manic-psychose. I was forced into a psych ward (for 30 days at first)were I was tied down in the isolation unit for a couple of weeks until I got less manic-psychotic. They gave me Zyprexa & Etumine. When I stabilized after a month and or so I heard that I was forced for another 3 months because my psychose was so severe. I tought ok, I can live with that. I changed from the crisis department in the psych ward to the addicts department. There I was left to rot ,I developed severe depression & anhedonia in a few weeks. I told to the psydoc that I was depressed and wanted Cymbalta, didn’t get it but he upped my Zyprexa, without result. A month later I said to him that it’s getting worse so he added Abilfy. That didn do anything but side effects like I couldn’t keep my legs still, my walking style changed, I stiffened in walking, my eyesight was weird I kept involuntary staring at things. During that time at the addicts department the only therapy I got was 2 times a week one hour of fitnesstherapy and the rest of time was ergotherapy, were nothing interested me. Soon I quited the ergotherapy and stayed in bed all day watching TV. After the 3 months were gone I tought it was over. Wrong, my psydoc said you are not stable! I was forced another 3 months. At the addicts department most people were talkative and I was silent. At the beginning they said to me that it will get better and understood me, but after a while no one talked to me… After some time I asked to be moved to the psychose-departement for the time I was left there. I got there and it was quiter and the nurses were friendlier and took care of the patients. But the psydoc there (a new one) forced me another 3 months there, I was in no state to leave the hospital she said. But I got my Cymbalta back, hoped it will work, but it didn. After those 3 months I wasnt forced to be there anymore but they advised that I would. I got the hell out of the psych ward! I quited the AP’s (zyprexa, Abilify) CT. At first when I was back home I stayed most of the time in my bed, I don’t think I realy had WD symptoms. Time went by and I started to do things again and had interest in wat was going on in the world. It went wrong again at some point because I was using weed and coke again. Had another manic-psychose and was forced to the psychward again. Was forced Zyphadera(liquid Zyprexa) injections, seroquel XR, depakote and diazepam. After 4-6 months I was allowed to go home and live with my parents, again I was a zombie. For months I dindn do much. I did keep taking my meds until the point I went out to go fishing a lot (mostly at night) I forgot to take my meds on regularly base, slept not enough and got manic again. I checked in to the psychward voluntarily because my parents said it was getting out of control again. After 2 hours there they told me that I was again forced to stay there… same story: stabilized after a few weeks then going down into a downwards spiral again. That was around may 2016 when I got out I was taking: zyprexa(10mg), seroquel (200mg), depakote(1000mg), trazodone(100mg) That was currently my last vacation @ the psych ward. Now I go to my usual doctor to get my Rx’s. He also given me effexor (150mg) and citalopram (10mg) for depression but I don’t think it’s working… I keep taking my meds as I should but i’m anhedonic, no interest in anything, no energy, fat because of the AP’s etc. At my last visit with my doc I asked to maybe change something to my meds because i’m tired all day and he changed my seroquel from 200 to 100mg. At that point I started to do research about withdrawal symptoms and general info about AP’s and AD’s when I got to this forum. Currently after 3 weeks of my taper from 200 to 100mg seroquel i’m feeling no WD symptoms. I’m now taking: 10mg zyprexa, 100mg seroquel, 150mg effexor, 10mg citalopram, 100mg trazodone I want to get off of as much of these drugs as possible as I fear i’m going to be a zombie for life. I don’t do weed, lsd, or coke only sometimes a lite stimulant to get something done... Any of you guys know what to taper first?
  3. Hello guys, I'm Giuseppe from Italy. I've stumbled upon your website when looking for some help with the withdrwal sindrome that I'm experiencing in this period. I've finished tapering the Citalopram last week and now I feel some side effects (mostly dizziness). Just wonder if somebody is experiencing the same and how he/she is coping with that. Thanks to anybody who would like to give me some advices. best to all, Giuseppe
  4. I have two experiences of taking and stopping antidepressants. The first time was in 2003. I was in graduate school, we had just moved into a new house that needed lots of work, we had a 3 year old, and my best friend was given 5 months to a year to live. It was a horrible time in my life. I knew that I had to get through this time without completely shutting down. I went to my doctor and told her I needed anything that would help. She set me up for counseling twice a week and a prescription for Prozac 10 mg, increasing to 20 mg. The Prozac was a miracle for me. I took it for 1 year and had little issues. I did have some strange side effects like greater risk taking (spontaneously bought a new car without consulting my spouse). The car was the biggest thing. I had sexual side effects that are considered normal. When the worst of it was over I knew I didn't need it anymore. I told my MD and we made a tapering plan that I followed. There were some possible issues that I realize, looking back. More intense feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness. But it was mixed with a difficult time in life so I couldn't really see the possible symptoms. Fast forward 15 years. I hit another part of my life that I felt I could benefit from an antianxiety or antidepressant. After being married for 19 years and having three kids my wife was diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. She had been treated for depression for several years but the meds and antidepressants never seemed to be a good fit. So my life was consistently up and down for years. At this time though, I was experience some early menopause symptoms (perimenopause) and my own emotions were on a roller coaster. Being our family's stability anchor I knew that I needed help to get through this. I found myself yelling at my kids for very small issues then apologizing over and over. That was not typically me. Since I had a good experience with Prozac I talked to my MD about it. She agreed but prescribed me Celexa (citalopram) 10 mg with increasing to 20 mg over time. At first she told me to take it prior to my cycle 5 days before, but my cycles became so irregular that was not possible. I ended up taking it daily for 5 years. Then I did something really stupid. I was not taking it regularly (on 3 days off 4) over and over due to a very hectic travel schedule for work. After one of my week long work trips in Nov 2017 I discovered that I had not taken it in 10+ days and I decided that I didn't need it anymore....so I stopped, cold turkey. For about 4 weeks I was fine...then on a long flight home from another trip, I broke down. I started crying about all the issues in my life, my kids life, life in general. I am mostly a positive and strong person but I could only see the futility in things. The cycle of climbing a hill only for gravity to pull us down. The pointlessness of all our real efforts. I came home feeling dead inside. I was an emotional zombie. After a couple of days I decided to lay this all out to my wife. She was surprised but decided that I was exhausted emotionally and physically and needed a rest. She took over most of the responsibilities with the house and kids that I had. She let me rest. But rest did not make it better. She checks in often and ask me how my day was going, my text answers are something like, dead inside, vacant, empty, I miss myself, I feel nothing, I have no desire to do anything, I don't care about anything, etc.Outwardly though, I am tense, easily angered, overwhelmed, discontent, agitated, nervous, and obsessive about stupid stuff, etc. I have never suffered from depression and my life was better than it has ever been, but it often seemed like depression. That's when I started looking for answers. That's when I found SA. Everything started making sense. The pains I have, the insomnia, the depression, all of it. It's been 3 1/2 months and I don't think that taking them again and tapering down is going to be a better option for me. I've been going through the HELL OF IT and I don't want to do it again for any reason. I have to get through this. I have to get better. I have not gone back to my doctor to tell her this story. I don't know what it would matter but to prove how stupid I was. Afterall, she DID tell me that I would need to taper and I didn't. I justified it thinking inconsistency WAS tapering...it is NOT. Now what? Everyday I feel miserable. Every.day. But it's inconsistent. Sometimes it lifts for a while and doesn't come back as severe. I call that progress. I'm hanging on to that. I regret not tapering but I'm in too deep at this point and I will suffer it out as long as I am able. Having a BP wife has helped because REALLY understands. Thanks for the read. I'm so glad I found this community. I'm in here somewhere trapped in the neurochemical eclipse and you probably are too. Stay strong.
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