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  1. This painful journey started when i was 21 years old... I was addicted to Cannabis, had a difficult adolescence and all i needed was help to stop using drugs, my hormones checked, and therapy. I know that now. After a bad break up due to my addiction and mental health i was put on Citalopram. I was still smoking Cannabis chronically every day, and as i was showing little improvement they increased my dosage to 40mg after nearly 2 years on them. It made me manic, indifferent, and dangerously wreckless. I crashed my car at 100 mph having woken up late for work far too many times due to how drowsy i always was on the meds, and i was driving as if i was possessed. I survived an operation to fix a bleed on my brain. However in hospital they stopped the Citalopram dead. They never even mentioned it, and i couldnt remember and it obviously wasn't of a concern at all to them. 6 months after i went back to the doctors with a feeling of something missing from myself. I'd gone back to Cannabis after my accident for the same reason, something was missing and i felt so weird like everything i used to enjoy just meant nothing to me. Like id lost my soul, and i needed to feel happier. Not the long term answer. So they put me on Duloextine (cymbalta). Never discussed the side effects, withdrawl, possible permanent damage, effectiveness of these drugs ever, it wasnt once mentioned. Just that they woulld make me feel better, I had a chemical imbalance that needed to be fixed. So they parked me on them for 8 years ignoring all my worries over things i was experiencing whilst on the medication. Every concern was met with them upping my dosage. It didnt stop me smoking Cannabis infact it only compounded my addiciton, as the meds gave me what i now know as Akathesia and the only thing that helped was smoking Cannabis. The only time i was anywhere close to being content whilst on the medication was when i smoked. I finally decided i didn't want to be on the medication anymore, i went to the doctor and said that i wanted to see how id feel without them, and my GP said to simply reduce the tablets over 2 weeks. I was on 90mg of Duloxetine (cymbalta) at the time. I never realised the seriousness of not properly tapering, and being told to do so over such a short period of time was clearly detimental. Especially after 10 years of medication. It's been 3 years since my last dose. I don't speak to my friends, all desire has gone. My anxiety is through the roof, i'm never calm. I have no real life. I'm even finding work near impossible. The cannabis turned on me as well when i stopped talking the Duloxetine (cymbalta) , the withdrawl i think has been a big reason for that, but i decided to try and stop smoking. Never made me feel like that before i was put on antidepressants but it was making me worse at the time. I am now left pathogically anxious alot of the time, like i said no desire to do anything, all my loves, my hopes, my dreams have died. I was never this bad before i started taking meds. I don't know who i am without them but i dont want to be on medication, certainly cant accept being on them for life to regain some normality. I've been praying that time would heal me but it appears it has done nothing to help. My question to the community I've been struggling with whether to go back on them at a low dose. But i'm scared, and i didn't want them in the first place, i've gone 3 years, but it's not been a happy time. I dont want to have to go through any elevated Akathesia again, or be left with more permanent side effects by going back on them at all. My family and girlfriend don't want me to take them again. I'm being pulled every which way. But i can't stay this way I've waited over 18 months so far for therapy with a Neuro Phyiatrist and the NHS still havent approved it. I don't know if it will even help... - Should i talk to my doctor about going on a very low dose of my previous meds? Or has it been too long now? - Should i entertain taking these sketchy things ever again? I would really appreciate the communties advice. The only other thing i have left to try is looking down the route of thinking my testosterone has always been an issue. But most doctors in the UK dont subscribe to it but i haven't totally given up on the thought of trialling TRT to see if it makes a differnence. I've had a blood test my serum levels are considered normal however guidleines are vitally flawed, and i have had no idea what they were before i started taking Anti-Depressants) but i have high SHBG which means my free testosterone is very low. But doctors won't offer any diagnosis or solution to that issue. Has anyone had any experience or success with this? Many Thanks ❤️
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