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By February 2017, after suffering an a intensive mobbing at my first year of university, I was suffering an a clinical picture of being unable to get concentrate and having headaches all the day. My doctor diagnosed me depression and prescribed me Zoloft. I took it about 45 days, 50 mg, and then I stopped abruptly due to an a side effect that I didn't like (I don't remember which one, it was something completely banal). I've to say that I experienced an a improvement, the headaches disappeared, my brain began to work fluenty, being able to concentrate and read perfectly. After 45 days, I stopped "cold turkey". That's when the catastrophe appeared. I've been really bad for about this 4 years, suffering an a extreme clinical picture - that I was not suffering from before taking the drug, only after the interruption, and achieved his peak after a month, maybe two from interruption - of cognitive deficits (to the point of not being able to read or speak correctly), akathisia, suicidal thoughts, anger episodes etc. I've been avoiding any kind of psychiatric drug, cause I thought I was still suffering from the withdrawal. I visited different doctors that tried to prescribe me an anticonvulsive (not being able to remember name) an a antipsychotic (Abilify). Refused both medications. In the middle (3rd year), I started mindfulness to try to heal my brain, and partially succeded. My suicidal thoughts disappeared after one month of mindfulness, my brain partially improved with more wellness and better functional performance. Despite that, I didn't notice an a better improvement superior to 15% about the cognitive deficits issue. After this 4 years, I've been unable to continue my studies (I was at university, I was 20 years old by then). The last year, I visited a psychiatrist who told me that clearly my problem was the cold turkey interruption (first time aware the problem was the cold turkey, I was thinking that I was still suffering from withdrawal symptoms). I used to play the piano, and it was though that my brain was not unable to send correctly the orders to my fingers, and I was failing to play correctly. For about 6 months, I was wondering that he was correct, that probably my problem was the cold turkey interruption. Thus, we started zoloft again three months ago, I started 6.25 and then increased after 15 days to 12.5 mg. Now I've been two months on 12.5 mg. I've been feeling an a improvement with my cognitive deficits (the problem with the piano has evolved to moderate to mild) an a improvement related with anger but akathisia and brain impairment still persists. I've come here to ask for follow up and advice. My aim is the following: in one month increase the dosage to 18.75 mg for three months, and then, increase to 25 mg again, and remain there for about 6 months, hoping to get healed and cure my brain from this clinical picture. And then, reducing following the 10% rule. I'm not considering getting into 50 mg. For me, 50 mg was too much, making me feel extremely well, extremely smart and focused, extremely creative, extremely capable, extremely everything, and I felt it was unreal and a hazard. And I don't want to feel the same anymore putting my brain in such a dose. I hope your veteran's wisdom and council are going to help me.

When i got of on SSRI(zoloft) i got hard time with cognitive abilities. i read something about language learning and interacting with a language could help people with mental problems(OCD,schizofrenia,depression and PAWS) most of it is located in the prefrontal cortex. Also the place of the higher brain function for logical thinking. For me downloading language apps especially duolingo was a given, it improved my cognitive abilities alot. for me the language greek, russian, arabic and hebrew where the best. Since it also make you to draw letters on your screen and to remember them. it did not matter for me to learn them or not, but i used it more as a cognitive functions improver. links https://www.thebritishacademy.ac.uk/blog/cognitive-benefits-learning-language-two-minutes/ https://overcomingocd.home.blog/2020/01/11/can-ocd-be-beneficial-how-ocd-frightened-me-into-learning-7-foreign-languages/amp/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7551097/

Hello, I am a young adult under 24. I've been depressed since 2015 (it also runs in my family). I also suffer from anxiety but this started later. I have gone through periods where I have been managing it well and periods where it has completely crippled and controlled me. Since the start of the whole covid mess I have moved back home and been in a difficult patch. My family and doctor had been pushing me to try an antidepressant for a long time despite my aversion to them. I caved at the start of this summer (2021) and let my doctor prescribe one. I picked bupropion (wellbutrin) because it seemed to have the least amount of serious side effects and members of my family have tolerated it in the past or continue to use it (actually found this site while trying to decide). I still did not like the idea and got prescribed the lowest dose available (150 mg wellbutrin xl). I picked the prescription up a month later and left on a shelf for another because I decided I still didn't want it and I had been improving myself by exercising again (I had stopped with the move when I was in a bad patch) and getting out and doing things. On August 21 (2021) I took the first pill in the middle of a breakdown and I was considering trying other drugs, in hopes it would maybe fix something (I also thought having taken a prescription may support my case for taking less courses at university like my doctor had said, it definately weighed in). That day I felt incredibly motion sick from walking (walking is my coping mechanism, how I sort things out in my head and feel most at peace) I couldn't even get more than a kilometre without feeling awful. I didn't feel great emotionally either. I wanted to stop then but my family said I can't just stop and the side effects would fade. My brain felt even more dull than before and I felt worse about myself. After three days the nausia started to fade but my nerve endings seemed to be less sensitive (everywhere) and I was experiencing headaches, my eyesight also seemed to go weird. On the 27th of August 2021 (7th day) I had a much worse break down and decided I wasn't going to take them anymore. I decided that at best they were having a nocebo effect because I hated myself and resented every time I took a pill and at worse they were actually messing with my brain and body in a bad way like suspected. During the week I had delt with a family emergancy and everything was completely opposite to the "possitive new habits/therapy" that are supposed to accompany the start of taking them. I tried to throw the last tablet up while I was upset (no it didn't work and no I am not bulimic, I was just upset). I just haven't been taking them since then. I have had a worsened head ache, reduced nuasia, still feel worse cognitively than what I would consider my normal and things appear to be worse sensitivity wise. Now my questions are: 1) has anyone else experienced the same side effects while taking wellbutrin? (Nausia, cognitive decline, vision changes, headaches, short term memory issues, reduced sensitivity (I thought that bupropion didn't cause sexual issues!)) 2) I have since read that anti antidepressents permanently change the structure of/damage the brain even with only one tablet! Most of this research seems to be with SSRI's and I could only find this case study for wellbutrin .https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4662168/. (It sounds positive in this case but not in other articles) I don't feel like my self and I am honestly terrified that I'll never get my old brain back (And body/eyes). Can I fix it or did I make an idiotic mistake one week that will ruin the rest of my life? This is my main concern and why I am writing today. 3) I know I'm asking this early on but do the majority of people find that they go back to the way they were before after taking these medications, especially if they have only taken them for a short time? 4) is clitoral atrophy a thing with antidepressants?! I hadn't even heard of it until I started googling my symptoms this morning. (I know that is an awful idea.) Between those articles and all the antidepressents ruined my life comments on every article I click on I think I seriously screwed up. 3) Is physical exhaustion/ mental stress mostly responsible for all these issues? (I have had a lifelong issue with insomnia that gets worse with depression) the last week and a half has been hell first with the drugs and then with everything else. Is it psychosomatic? A little extra info. I will be moving to another city to start university in less than a week. I will be going alone as one parent is hospitalized in the icu and the other has to keep visiting them and the rest of the family functioning. I've been out of school for a while and it took a lot to force myself to apply and get everything ready. I feel completely underprepared and the most stupid and incapable I have ever felt. I am scared I will not keep up, fail, drop out before I start and just wind up wasting all my money and preparation. (I may manage to get councling through the school and will finally get extended medical at least) My parent who was my main person to talk to (not hospitalized) understandably doesn't want to deal with my situation now. I my apologies if I've been over dramatic in my post and especially if my last little rant is not what this forum is for, but I think it gives an accurate representation of where I'm at. I just want the old me back and think I may have ruined my brain right when I was improving and before something I was terrified to start in the first place.

Hey im a 23 year old female, i got on paxil at 18 years old so 5 years ago, iv been off cold turkey since febuary 20th of this year so 112 days. I tried to reisnstate 2 weeks ago i took the medication i think 4 times got an adverse reaction it caused extreme akathisia almost immediately. I stoped taking it and the akathisa is gone now. I knoq every single story is different every person is different, does anyone have a similar story to mine, of how long they were on the medication, the dose and when they started to feel better, sorry if this post is all over the place. I have severe issues concetrating, severe confusion alot and no deep emotions and i just cant think, dont feel connected. I just want atleast a full day or two that i feel like i can think and feel emotions i want to see when some of you guys broke through that wall when going cold turkey from a high dose of paxil and around 5 years being on it prior than you!!!

Hi Ive suffered from depression in the past and have been on various antidepressants, been admitted to hospital and had ECT...this was all in the early 90s. In the intervening years I have suffered depression on and off and was happy to take Fluoxetine 20mg, I'm not sure if the Fluoxetine kept the depression at bay or I would have been OK without it, but as I was feeling well I kept taking the Fluoxetine as a prophylactic. During this period I went cold turkey several times for various reasons...I suffered absolutely no withdrawal symptoms at any time...I consider myself very lucky. Ive only just discovered the danger of CT via this website and others. So far so good, but in 2015 I was diagnosed with cancer and endured gruelling chemo and radiotherapy and was given the all clear in April 2016...one line of text...so much pain! After the treatment finished I began to suffer from depression again, a kind of post trauma effect, my doctor recommenced increasing my Fluoxetine to 40mg, which I agreed to. This didnt really make much difference...my doctor then suggested switching to Sertraline 50mg, I agreed and started a very steep tapering to come off the Fluoxetine (one month)...I did actually feel quite well at the end of the taper and did not start taking the Sertraline. However some months later in December 2016 the anxiety and depression became so severe I OKed it with my doctor to start the Sertraline. I took the first tablet and in a very short time I experienced some terrible side effects, dizziness, headache, confusion and a level of anxiety I did not believe was possible, I went to bed for the rest of the day. I knew it would take a while of the side effects to settle, so took the second tablet the next day, again the same effects plus the start of the sexual side effects. I took one more tablet the next day and decided enough was enough and stopped taking the Sertraline…(Just 3 doses!) I assumed the side effects would subside soon after stopping…how wrong I was! Its been 7 months and the effects below are still with me: Tinnitus Cognitive and memory problems Insomnia...1.5 sleep per night PSSD, no libido, poor and difficult to achieve erections, reduced semen volume and a kind of emotional disconnect with the opposite sex. One effect which did remit was the sensation of looking down on myself from above...a very disturbing experience. So here I am in a bit of a mess. I wonder what the best way forward is? I seem to be very sensitive to any drugs or supplements...Ginkgo Biloba and Maca root caused havoc after one dose! Ive tried Acupuncture and Homoeopathy with some limited success...at least nothing negative! Im finding this very difficult emotionally, especially the sexual side of things. Ive been following similar cases here (and the PSSD forum) and there seems to be quite a bit of despair often with the OP just vanishing...I find this worrying. Trying to keep positive Regards