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  1. Hi I feel I am writing this too late as I have made many errors in my withdrawal from Mirtazapine and subsequent reinstatement but I only found this website and information recently. Perhaps you can still help me. In October, I tapered off from just under 1.5mg Mirt where i had been for several months following a slow taper from 7.5mg (18 months total time). The doctor told me this dose was too low to have therapeutic value but if I wanted to taper i should miss alternate nights, then 2 nights etc...and I should be off in a month. I did this but had insomnia on the missed nights but it seemed to settle. My sleep deteriorated though. In early December and exhausted, I was hosting a party and needed to sleep so I took a 1.5mg dose of Mirt for 2 nights only and slept. 6 days later, I had shocking vertigo and sickness and could barely move. Luckily, this passed in a few hours but it alarmed me and I vowed to stay away from Mirt. My sleep was deteriorating again and exactly 2 weeks later it went completely. Christmas was awful. I didn't really know what the problem was tbh but I didn't want to take any Mirt so I used Phenergan to sleep. After about a week, the Phenergan stopped working and without it I could not sleep at all so I reinstated Mirtazapine. The low dose worked and then didn't work so a week later I increased it to 7.5mg. I know now this was too large an increase but I was desperate. I saw a big improvement but it was still erratic so a week later I tried 10.5mg for 2 nights. This didn't make much difference so I went back to 7.5mg. By now, I had found this website and learned about waves and windows etc.. That next week, things improved but I had a couple of bad nights around day 4, which I thought was the dose change causing problems. Then the next few nights improved again, but last night and the night before I had about an hour and am feeling dreadful. I suppose my questions now would be: does this seem like windows/waves? Or could I have 'kindled'? I dont know much about this or when it would happen but what would I do if it is? I presume I stay at 7.5mg now? I presume it's too late and unwise to reduce this dose? This is a truly awful experience and I'm hoping to stabilise and taper slowly again. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I have probably done everything I'm not meant to do and I'm really paying for it. I wish I had never taken this drug and don't think I should have been prescribed it in the first place but that's another story.
  2. Hi everyone, Hey, first off -- found you guys after being referred by some fantastic individuals who are part of several Mirtazipine Withdrawal support groups on Facebook. Thanks so much for this site! As such -- AltoStrata, I've read a ton of your stuff already, in particular the posts about Windows/Waves, Mirtazipine tapering tips and, more crucially, the post about AD reinstatement (in the event of CT WD.) Like everyone here, I have a somewhat unique story, with a bit of a twist....perhaps you guys will find it intriguing, at least. Anyway -- my experience with AD's is actually fairly short, relatively (only the last year). After a successful cervical disc replacement surgery in July of 2018, I was told by several medical doctors that B vitamins were excellent for nerve regrowth/regeneration. Since I'd had badly pinched nerves prior to the surgery, I took them up on this advice and began to take a chewable B-complex vitamin every day....which turned out to be extraordinarily high potency. Within two weeks, I was developing strong painful tingling/stinging in my hands.....and after about five or six weeks, I had developed full-blown head-to-toe neuropathy --- all as a result of what turned out to be an overdose of Vitamin B6. (If you want an interesting read, look up "Vitamin B6 Toxicity"...) I DC'd the vitamins immediately, once it was determined what the issue was, but that was just the beginning of a long ride. Shortly after the vitamins were discontinued, the nerve pain symptoms actually got far worse, and I developed runaway panic attacks, as well as various autonomic nerve issues (tachycardia, insomnia) and bizarre nerve-related other issues (couldn't sense temperature properly, lost ability to sense where arms/legs are in space (proprioception), couldn't swallow properly, the list goes on....) In any event, Starting last November of 2018, I was Rx'd a menagerie of medications by several doctors (and these were all being taken concurrently!) to help with the burning nerve pain and also psychological trauma / insomnia issues. In order: * Gabapentin (initially 400 mg / day, eventually peaked at 1200mg / day) * Lexapro (10 mg / day) * Clonazepam (1 mg / night) * Mirtazipine (15 mg / night) The next three months were hellish. I ran out of adjectives to describe the pain that coursed through seemingly every cell in my body. But luckily....with time came healing. By Feburary I was well enough to return to work. I still can't quite believe what my body went through and was able to recover from. With the nerve damage healing largely behind me, over the course of the next 7 months I slowly (and successfully) tapered off of three of the four medications, with little or no withdrawal (apart from perhaps a day or so of noticing I felt perhaps a bit "tense" after the last dose of each medication.) In order of tapering: * Tapered off from Clonazepam (last dose March 4, 2019) * Tapered off from Lexapro (last dose July 8, 2019) * Tapered off from Gabapentin (last dose September 24, 2019) *** So here's where it all gets interesting (and relevant to this forum) --- *** My plan was to follow a similar careful taper off from Mirtazipine....but fate intervened and a poor decision was made. Ideally, I would have waited until after the upcoming holidays/New Year to do the taper from Mirtazipine....but after two late nights of being out to dinner with friends, I forgot to take my 15mg Mirtazipine two nights in a row. Once I realized what I'd done (two days later), I took a quick assessment of how I felt -- which was of course totally fine -- and I made the ill-informed decision to simply DC the Mirtazipine. Now, I should mention that my Psychiatrist had told me that it was perfectly fine to simply DC Mirtazipine as well as Gabapentin (no surprise to this community, I am sure), but I had still insisted on doing a taper for everything. Why I didn't follow through and do a taper with Mirtazipine, I'll never be able to fully qualify....but it was surely a combination of eagerness to be done with this "one last simple med" and also the Psychiatrist's solid assertion that there was no need to taper with Mirtazipine. AND OF COURSE - - 11 days after DC'ing the Mirtazipine, I went into bad withdrawal. Headaches, Gastric Upset, Insomnia, highly elevated heart rate, feeling of being totally "amped" as if I'd drank 3 pots of coffee, Panicked breathing ("air hunger"), all sorts of the stuff everyone here knows all too well. - 7 days after that (a total of 18 days since DC'ing the Mirtazipine), I reinstated at 25% of my original 15mg dose, or 3.75mg. A week later I felt quite a bit better. For several days I almost felt totally "normal" -- and sleep improved, heart rate went back down, things were on a solid track. This continued for perhaps four or five days --- but then after a particularly stressful couple of days, it all seems to have reverted significantly backwards into five or six days now of feeling terrible and getting worse and worse sleep each night. So here I am. It's now been 20 days since I reinstated at 3.75mg (25% of original dose)..... .......and I'm wondering what the most logical (and intelligent) thing to do is now. Ride this out? Consider an up-dose at some point? Thanks so much for your advice (and any criticism you wish to levy at me). I am here to learn and hopefully one day to be part of helping here as well.
  3. hello and thanks for your brilliant forum. I was only on the aripiprazole injection for two months and felt sure I could handle the cold turkey as I managed fine last year coming off the tablets (which I was only on for two months too) I've been off for three months (four months since last injection). the withdrawal has been horrendous and am suffering daily with deep depression and zero emotion beyond anxiety, fear, guilt and all that bad stuff. I am utterly exhausted at all times. is it normal to be suffering so long after being on it for so short? Has anyone else had experience of coming off this drug and coming through? I am scared that it had damaged my brain and I will never be my normal self again.
  4. HI, I'm new to the community and at this point am very scared. I will give a quick history and then a couple questions that I would love help with, if you don't mind. I have been on and off prozac for around 9 years(as needed). I was diagnosed with PPD after my son was born. I never experienced emotional blunting while just on the prozac. However, in Dec. 2017 I had a breakdown after suffering a big T (trauma). My doctor prescribed me Abilify to go along with my antidepressant. I almost immediately felt emotionally blunted, and asked if it could be the drugs. I never took them extremely regularly. I would go a month and do great then come off for weeks because I hated how they made me feel. After much research I decided to come off of every thing in May 2020. I have just hit a wall of anhedonia. I would have never dreamed it would get this much worse after being off the medicine this long. Here are my questions: 1. Is it common to have anhedonia set in this late in the withdraw process? 2. Will this last forever, or will my full range of emotions come back? Have I done permanent damage? Thank you in advance. Prozac - 20 mg; On and off since Nov. 2010 Abilify - 5mg ; On and off since Feb.2018
  5. Google translation: Good morning all It's a cry for help that I'm launching I'm 21, student and i'm living in hell In September 2019 I took abilify and brintellix 10mg for anxiety (I was not depressed) I reacted very badly to strong akathisia so I stopped abilify after 4 days and everything went back to normal order I continued the brintellix for 4 months without any worries In January 2020 I decided to stop the brintellix I did brutally without weaning In May 2020 the anxiety returned so I took the brintellix 10mg again but this time I reacted very badly: akathisia more discreet so after 3 weeks I went to seroplex the akathisia persisted so 4 days after sertraline same thing so 2 days after mianserine for 5 days the akathisia seemed to be less but it scared me so I also stopped During this period I was also taking anti-anxiety drugs for 6 weeks which I also suddenly stopped Akathisia persisted and even worsened and other symptoms were added: depression suicidal ideation anxiety myoclonus pressure behind the eyes bruxism strained jaw .. I tried propanolol pregabalin without any success So I took mianserin gradually two weeks ago up to 30 mg Here I would like some help or be reassured because I don't really know if all his symptoms are due to weaning from Ad or benzo I think it's irreversible, I seriously consider Death to this day. Thanks for reading me Original post: Bonjour a tous C'est un appel a l'aide que je lance J'AI 21 ans, etudiant et je vis un enfer En Septembre 2019 j'ai pris abilify et brintellix 10mg pour cause d'anxiete ( je n'etais pas depressif ) j'ai tres mal Reagis forte akathisie donc j'ai arrêté abilify au bout de 4 jours et tout est rentré dans l'ordre j'ai continué le brintellix pendant 4 mois sans aucun soucis En janvier 2020 j'ai décidé de stopper le brintellix je j'AI fais de maniere brutale sans sevrage En mai 2020 l'anxiete est revenue donc j'ai repris le brintellix 10mg mais j'ai cette fois tres mal Reagis: akathisie plus discrete donc au bout de 3 semaines je suis passé au seroplex l'akathisie persisté donc 4jours apres sertraline meme chose donc 2j apres mianserine pendant 5jours l'akathisie semblait etre moindre mais ca me faisait peur donc je j'AI arreté aussi Pendant cette periode je prenais aussi des anxiolityque pendant 6 semaines que j'ai arrete aussi brutalement L'akathisie a persisté et a meme empiré et d'autres symptomes se sont ajouté: depression idée suicidaire anxiete myoclonie pression derriere les yeux bruxisme machoire tendue.. j'ai essaye le propanolol la pregabaline sans aucun succes J'ai donc il y a deus semaines repris de la mianserine de maniere graduelle jusqu'a 30 mg Voila j'aimerai de l'aide ou etre rassuré car je ne sais pas ducoup si tous ses symptomes sont du au sevrage des Ad ou des benzo Je pense que c'est irreversible, j'envisage serieusement la Mort a ce jour . Merci de m'avoir lu
  6. My brain going into dream condition but not into sleep condition every night or day when ever I attempt to sleep I have believed the information about remote neural monitoring in all over internet and browsed internet 2 years heavily which resulted heavy thought process ,doubts and suspicion over near and dear. So I went to a psychiatrist and requested to bring me out of heavy thoughts.He made me use lorazepam for 10 days ,risperidone and trihexyphenidyl combination drug for 30 days.After 30 days my thoughts reduced so I did not go to doctor again.What a mistake ,I was ignorant of how psychiatry medicines work and slow tapering nor my doctor warned me while prescribing an anti psychotic.It is happened in july 2016. From then my brain going into dreams when ever I attempt to sleep.In october 2016 again I went to the same doctor and reported about the condition I am in.He prescribed olanzapine silently.I started using olanzapine ignorantly and innocently.When i was experiencing stomach upset that is when I researched in the internet about risperidone and olanzapine. Now this is june 2017 I have tapered risperidone and olanzapine safely and became drug free safely.But the thing is my brain still into dream condition and not allowing me to sleep when ever i attempt.My querry is what risperidone and trihexyphenidyl and lorazapam [10 days]did to my brain?what chemicals they blocked.Now stopping them cold turkey did what on my brain?what chemical i should take to get my sleep pattern back.?If I wait patiently with time will the brain correct its condition naturally?Any brain researcher please help.
  7. has anyone experienced protracted for more then 5 years? I'm on my 7th, has anyone gotten severe acne from this? im afraid it will never end, but I've heard a few stories like mine, and also have seen even 10 years....please if anyone can respond just let me know if this will end
  8. Hi all I'm a newbie, was made to CT zopiclone 18 months ago after being on it 12 years when my GP retired resulted in intrusive thoughts mainly thinking may have knocked people over while driving. After about 8 months Tried first citalopram then sertraline for about 6 months in total, been a total nightmare, made the thoughts lot worse don't want to trigger anyone so won't expand, also given me full blown OCD with compulsions, now literally have check everything before it goes in the bin. Did go though period of quite suicidal thoughts and crying every day, that has passed but still very low. Stupidly stayed on them too long as people kept saying they will work. Literally have no life, husband ends up doing lot of cooking as don't feel like eating. Frightened to go out the house because I'll start getting awful thoughts. I was normally functioning person before going on these meds, now realise even though life challenging before taking anti depressants was so much better than this'd I did have some sort of life. I stopped them 9 weeks ago. Tried everything CBT, mindfulness, counselling nothing helps. The OCD crippling never had this before in my life, just terrified will be like the forever
  9. Hi, I have no psychiatic history. I was forced on zyprexa after an external stress reaction waking me up with high blood pressure and pounding heart beat, pressure feelings in the brain, need to urinate often and a fear of what was happening to me with these severe physical reactions. Having no idea I gussed maybe poison at first but with doctors finding nothing I thought perhaps sudden electrical allergy due to the new 5G test nets I read other people were worried about. I didn't know I was that stressed and that that could be the reaction. But that's what I think now. Being unable to sleep for 6 days and finally desperately trying to sleep outside of the city to avoid radiation I utltimately went to the psychiatric ward to get sleeping pills I got the diagnosis psychotic symptoms and they wouldnt let me out even though I felt okay again after first night off sleeping with medicine they gave. Initially they tried to force me on 20 mg zyprexa but agreed to 10 mg after a negotiation. There was also benzo and a sleeping pill they put me on but I have succesfully gotten off those. They wanted me to stay on 10 mg zyprexa when I was let out after two weeks and they said I should continue the medication till next appointment and they gave me 4 different other medicines to use if I felt I needed (benzos etc). I had gone from being a person having no medicine at home to one having the whole bread box filled. I never used any medicine but zyprexa though. On next appointment they said I should stay on zyprexa till next meeting again. But after a month they finally agreed to give me a tapering plan and I wanted as quickly as possible since I dont want to be on medicine in general since I used to be a healthy guy without. Also I really didnt think I was that sick, just had a long term stress reaction. They said it nothing bad with this medicine, just protective. I got the plan 2.5mg down every two weeks. During this time I read that the drug causes brain atrophy and was very scared of being on it and why the doctors had told me just the opposite. I followed the plan with biweekly check ups and finally I got to 0 mg, but sleep disappeared after two days. After two weeks of 0 mg with no sleep instead, anxiety, tremblings sweating, pressur in head, burning inflamed feeling etc I became more scared of what was happening to me then I was of taking another pill. I called psychiatric emergency and they said I had to go back up to 5 mg. That not working I tried 7.5mg and then 5mg with a sleeping pill too. But I still got no sleep. They said it was the underlying illness that was causing problems now. I said I slept 12 hours on 5 mg before going to 0 mg and they changed subject. Also I didnt think I had an illness just a stress reaction initially. Having searched for info myself the tapeing I got seems more like a cold turkey. Having been on 5mg for a while with sleeping pills that also didnt give sleep I weaned off the sleeping pills and also started weaning zyprexa, still scared of atrophy, but careful to go much more slowly having searched for my problems and read this forum some. Sleep wasn't returing so no point being on high doses I felt. Also my trust in their "health care" recommendations is not really 100% percent after this. Im not sure I've ever slept since december last year but Ive gotten less tired after getting up duing the days so by feel 0-4 (assumed) hours while also getting down to 0.12 mg zyprexa. Approximately 10 days ago I jumped to 0mg again (6 months past) and felt ok for four days, but the 5th day had diarrhea and spasms, burning sensations and only 1 hour sleep instead of lets say 3 that Im used to, 6th day also head ache increasing and 1 hour sleep. I called sick from work thought maybe it was covid. Being very scared to lose my sleep even more permanently I went back up to 0.12mg for two days in case it was withdrawal and last night 0.25 mg due to spasms and restelessness in bed, I almost called emergency psychiatric care but got 1 hour sleep finally with the dosage doubling. And now we're at today. I hope I can stay on 0.25 mg tonight and stabilize. What should I do? Im considering calling the pro's again but this forum has seemed to have better methods as far as I've read. What should one expect when dropping to 0mg even from a very low mg? Im thinking maybe I should never try 0 mg again and just stay at 0.25mg or so. I don't fear use of zyprexa so much at these low leves. Or if health allows some time from now taper to 0.06 mg (smallest plausible part for me) and do it every, then every other day, then every third? is this a viable super extended low end taper? Should I jump up to a higher mg now? Thanks for any support than I've already gotten from reading some here. Theses were my tapers just prior to going 0 the second time (4 mar 2020) 0.63 mg 21 day (25 mar 2020) 0.31 mg 16 day 0.41 mg 36 day (had to go up and stayed till I felt like maybe 0-4 hour sleep again) 0.31 mg 10 day (26 may 2020) 0.25 mg 12 day (7 june 2020) 0.12 mg 8 day Thanks
  10. Hi all, my name is Matt, I am a 36 year old husband and father of three whose life has been turned upside down by these drugs. Although after reading the wealth of information on this site, I feel I finally understand what is happening to me, though it doesn’t make going through it any easier. I reinstated Zoloft on May 1st and I know I probably reinstated at much too high a dose, but I unfortunately was following “doctors orders.” It has been a tough four months to say the least, and at times I feel I will be stuck this way forever. However I have gone on vacation twice in the last 4 months. The 1st one was over the Fourth of July, during that time I would say I was 50-60% of my normal self. Only to come back, get to work, and get slammed by waves again. Last week I went on an end of summer vacation with my family, this time I would say I was closer to 75-80% of normal, and hopeful this was finally the beginning of the end for me and I was stabilizing and could in a few months begin a slow taper the proper way. However this past week back home and back to work have been unbearable. Unrelentingly anxiety and akathisia from the second I wake, that eventually calms a bit at night, but sometimes not til like 8-9PM. My question would be, can being on vacation really make that big of a difference in withdrawal? I would think it was just a fluke, but it has happened twice now. But it is like, almost feeling back to normal, vs not being able to fathom making it through another day. The difference is astounding. Any thoughts would be appreciated, also should I be getting worried that I am 4 months into reinstatement and holding and not stabilizing? Thanks, this site is amazing and all these people are amazing SURVIVORS!
  11. Context [This thread may sound familiar because when I felt the most hopeless and suicidal I made a different thread on PSSD forums, but some user copied that thread here to hide the fact it was the same person as another banned account. I waited to post here until I got to know at which points in time I was supposed to take my medicine. I've been off them for about a year] I started taking the anti-dipressant Zoloft/Setraline for Depression, the stress and anxeity I have from my aspergers and Pure OCD. Everything usually felt dark, heavy and really really sad but there were moments of happiness. I've always been over emotional on the inside, although it might have not looked like that on the outside. I hesitated getting Anti-Dipressants for a long time because I was afraid of permanent affects. I intentionally did not read internet horror stories so I would still take the pill and was truly convinced by my doctors that if I'd stop taking my pills, I'd go back to normal. But that isn't the case. I haven't felt like the same person ever since. I kept having a strong urge to meet up with an old crush of mine again (in the platonic sense) after a long time of not seeing her. I even had dreams about it. When I finally did, I felt almost nothing except physical tiredness even though we technically had a good time. It was that moment I realized just how little actual happiness I can feel yet how easily I can still feel physical pain and tiredness and I started to feel hopeless again. I then also realized how little I felt for the most recent ''crush'' and how back when I was in love with that old crush it was so strong it was unbeliabale. [Timeframe and dosage] I have now finally been able to contact my psychiatrist to find out in which two periods I was supposed to take them. one of about 4 months. The other of about 8. However, I'd sometimes forget my dosage and I stopped cold turkey twice sometime before the end of these periods. -Period 1: -12 December 2017 to -6th of march 2018. -Period 2: -10th of april 2018 to -somewhere in november 2018. It's likely I already stopped by december as I pretended to take them for a while. Something seems off here too, I remember there was a longer period of time I stopped taking in between these two periods. Likely because I also pretended to still take. This means it's likely been a bit more than a year since stopping. In each period I started with 10 mg, very quickly moving to 20 and feeling relatively positive results. Then after moving to 50mg I'd feel too emotionally blunted and it'd scare me so I'd stop and I'd thought it'd go away. Only it didn't. [Experience] The first time I took my pills I immediately felt a bit of relief but thought such quick effect must be in my head. I did quickly get stomach cramps, flatulence, constipipation and diarrheah issues from it which lessened over time. I didn't notice much else at first. Then I got super over emotional and went through one of the hardest periods of my life. I couldn't stop crying and I was constantly anxious and tense and barely slept at all. As it went awayIfelt much less anxeity than ever, I felt a bit more energy and could think more positively. I used to always have an anxious/nervous feeling in my stomach regardless of how I actually felt and it was gone. However I also couldn't feel orgasms anymore and had genital numbness.I still liked the effect for a while. My thinking got more positive and I thoughtI could finally beat depression if I'd just work at it. I was less emotional, but that seemed like a good thing. Until the dosage was upped to 50 at one point and I felt like a complete zombie and I started to get freaked out. I noticed that all this time even on the lower dosage I couldn't cry well and I wasn't actually any happier and in fact found it even harder to feel happy. I cared less even less about doing anything than I did before because I couldn't take anything seriously and nothing made me feel better so I may as well do nothing. I stopped cold turkey (dumb I know) so I'd get all my emotion back but I didn't. I didn't really notice that much initially. Except that I got a lot more tired,. Like..A lot more tired. [Lasting issues] Now I have these issues.. -Cognitive: -General ''brain fog'' type feel. Worse short term memory, much worse concentration, can't process information well esecially if new, More interrupted sleep no matter how calm I am (partially already had this due to GERD), a left eye that twitches a lot, blurry vision that resets a brief moment after every blink, and even less motivation. Like way less. Busy places are much more distracting and tiring than they used to be, yet the anxious feeling I'd usually get from them is gone. I've barely felt functional. It also effects how well I can hear in noisy enviorments and process speech sound. -Emotional: -More irritability/anger. Blunted emotions in general. Harder to cry. Harder to have sympathy/empathy. The hardest to feel feelings are happiness and sadness. Happiness even harder, yet I have no trouble feeling stress. I notice my body still reacts physically asif the feelings are still there (my voice sounding sadder/softer, my heart rate increasing..), yet I can't sense the emotion on the inside like I'm on some kind of anasthetic. I can tell I need to cry but then can't unless in extreme scenarios and when I finally can I don't feel it nearly as well. At least I never lost my ability to laugh. I still get goosebumps/shivers in my head/chest area from certain thoughts, though I tend to need to force this out of me by thinking instead of it triggering by something happening around me making it feel incredibly forced and I notice a disconnect between the no response reality and the excitement of thinking about my desires. My stomach area feels the most numbed of all. It has made me feel more suicidal than I was before. It feels like purgatory. And Like I'm watching a movie of my life instead of living it. -Sexual: -Genital Anasthesia (asin no sexual pleasure from touch) as well as anorgasmia type PSSD. Already had this a bit due to a past porn addiction but it wasn't that bad at all. If I just touch myself to imagery, anything else would be more exciting. If I conciously think about how exciting this is supposed to be, I get shivers down my upper body and am in a state of enjoyment. More than with anything else at least. But I constantly notice the disconnect between feeling nothing of pleasure in my lower body. Especially with the orgasm I feel absolutely nothing exciting whatsoever which is a total anti climax. A sneeze is much more tense. I now have a biological urge (My libido remains unaffected) that I can't actually satiate. No matter how calm I am or how excited I am mentally, my body does not co-operate to make it physically enjoyable yet functionally/on the outside everything works fine. -Other: Still have some gut problems. As a result I have trouble doing anything at all that isn''t more involved than browing random internet forums and listening to gaming reviews on youtube. [Not taken seriously] My dad told me I'm just making this up to avoid having to solve my problems and that its all in my head despite me wishing that was true. Sure I don't know which issues are all caused by the pills but I sure do know it made that nervous feeling go away ever since so it DID make permanent changes. Doctors and psychiatrists and the like don't believe it's possible. My mom believes it's possible but she acts like it's better than what I used to be and that I should just accept this and hope it gets better. Both parents think I shouldn't believe ''those people on the internet and that you're not part of them''. My mom keeps getting mad when I get mad about the problem because ''Well what do you want me to say or do?''. Even though when I was wrongfully treated by a past school of mine my parents fought them with rage yet when my humanity is taken away from me they just expect me to suck it up. Most people either don't believe it at all because doctors say effects can't persist, OR they kind of act like they do but I can easily tell they don't believe and instead just want to support me feeling better. People keep expecting me to function on the level pre ssri. They keep telling me I'm smart yet I'm struggling for reasons that aren't depression. They keep expecting me to care about small things when I even have trouble caring about the things I used to care about most. [Progress] PSSD has not showed a single bit of progress. I've been having a less difficult time feeling sadness however. Tiredness has been lessened by living a better lifestyle but I still don't feel like my old self even though I didn't do these things back than. To not feel like I'm mentally handicapped from tiredness, I started to eat on time everyday and pay more attention to what I eat (including so I get less GERD,) for which I stopped eating late in the evning). I went to the doc for a blood test and the result was low vitamin d and low bloodcells (which I likely have always had yet back then I wasn't that tired) but anyways I got vitamin D supplements (I'm black so it's higher than usual). I started to put all my screens on low blue light filters. I also started to go to go to bed and wake up at certain times (though eventually staying asleep is futile). I want to add some exercise to it soon and make some adjustments to make my GERD better. I today got noise cancelling headphones so I can actually hear what I want to listen to outside. PLEASE SOMEONE give me hope my emotions can get better. Everything feels so pointless when putting in effort to do things only leads to more tiredness and no happiness despite in the past being able to feel happiness.
  12. Hi, Came across this website trying to find others who've gone through withdrawal and experienced skin issues during the process. I took 5mg Trintellix medication for the last two years which worked wonders for me. Though, due to financial circumstances and having a shingles outbreak, I had to stop taking the medication cold turkey. My Dr. did blood work and everything came out fine. Chalked my shingles outbreak due to excessive stress. Over the last month and half that I've stopped the medication I've gone through crying spells, anxiety, insomnia/interrupted sleeping cycle, eating binge (sweets), fatigue, muscle weakness.. Right now, I'm experiencing headaches that stop and switch to IBS symptoms then switch back to headaches, some fatigue, focusing issues (eye), skin breakouts (pimples, red spots, hives) on my arms and chest. Today, a new hive or spots came out on my right oblique. I'm scared that it might shingles again or just the continuing break out due to my withdrawal. Just wanted to know how those who've had skin breakouts managed this or let it just be.
  13. I was tood by my doctor to stop my Effexor cold turkey as my side effects were bad and she said that as i was obly on it for 8 months it shouldn't be an issue. I was on citalopram for 8 years before that. That was on 2dec, i was ok very irritated argumentative and bad brain zaps but mentally i was fine. Then Christmas came and some bad news brought me down and I couldn't grt out of my bed for three days then rhe panic came stronger than i have ever felt. I am so frightened and dont know how to cope. I started taking the Effexor 75 again 4 days ago but im still struggling and dont know what to do. Please help
  14. Hi, I was on Effexor for 2.5 years (the last year only on 37.5 mg ) and also combined with Wellbutrin 150mg. I went off both in February 2019 with no taper because I was unaware at all that we could just not stop. There its been been a year of worsening conditions then the ones I even wanted to get off the medication for. I took some Effexor and Wellb a few times during the year, but usually just for a day or two (which I also know now is bad). I really don’t want to go back on meds, but I have sever dry eye, very lethargic, and worst of all a very flat and sad melancholy baseline. For those who were not aware of tapering and have been withdrawing for almost a year, does anyone have recommendations? I have already been eating pretty clean, exercise, and supplement with D, Mag, and Omega, but I basically feel awful every day. Anyone been thru this as well?
  15. I was on 40 mgs Lexapro. started on 20 mgs then increased over 5 years. Have been on various antidepressants for over 20 years. Seeing a Homeopath and trialing remedies. Told by Psychiatrist reduce 20 mgs a week. Frightened by all withdrawal horror stories. Have to work to pay mortgage. Suffering from discontinuation Syndrome. -suicidal thoughts - brain fog - anxiety - panic attacks -stomach upsets - debilitating lack of concentration - constant fear of living My family are supporting me Dont want to go back on meds but scared this may continue for years. Any advice welcome.
  16. Hello everyone, I have a long history of antidepressant usage, and with recent events, I figured it was finally time to reach out and get some support. I was diagnosed with OCD and depression when I was 14 years old, and I was prescribed Anafranil by my psychiatrist. I'm now 30, so I've been on the drug for more than half of my life. Throughout those 16 years, my dosage has alternated between 25mg/day and 100mg/day. Over the years I have changed my dosage on numerous occasions to try to find the sweet spot between maximum effectiveness of the drug with as few side effects as possible. Whenever I would switch dosages, I would go through a couple months of feeling relatively normal, and then get hit with some very strange side effects (heart palpitations and muscle spasms). The side effects were very manageable, so I didn't worry too much about switching dosages over the years when I felt that I needed to make a change. Eventually, these strange withdrawal symptoms would fade and go away entirely. The benefits of the drug have been substantial, and after years of adjustments and changes, I finally leveled out at a modest 25mg/day. I never felt quite right on the drug, with constant feelings of fatigue, anhedonia, and general disconnection with the world, but it was much better than the unbearable feelings I had pre-medication, so at the time I was choosing the lesser of two evils. If nothing had changed, there's a good chance I just would have stayed the course for the rest of my life. Fast forward to the summer of 2016. I was having a period of extreme insomnia and stress due to outside factors, and my doctor prescribed Clonazepam. I took this benzo every night for about 3 months. I slept like a baby and felt generally good. In September, I decided that enough was enough, so foolishly I stopped the Clonazepam cold turkey. What followed was a year of absolutely indescribable agony, and months and months of slow recovery, windows/waves, ups and downs, and the biggest struggle of my life. Throughout this time period, I continued taking the same stable dosage of Anafranil (25mg). Healing from the Clonazepam was painfully slow, but I was getting better. Around summer 2018, I was significantly better, but still not healed. In my head, I thought that a 2-year healing period after less than 3 months of use was absolutely crazy, and something else must be wrong. Foolishly, instead of just staying the course and allowing my brain to heal further, I did some research on drug interactions. I found out that withdrawal from psychiatric drugs could be much worse when multiple medications are involved. Reading this, I realized that the reason it was probably taking me so long to heal from the Clonazepam withdrawal was the fact that I was still taking Anafranil. I decided to "slowly" reduce my Anafranil dosage (slowly relative to my previous cuts, not what I should be doing) and I started taking my medication 3 nights out of four (effectively a 25% reduction. Now I realize that this alternating nights method is stupid, and that a 25% cut is huge, but it has worked for me in the past before with minimal side effects, so I didn't think twice). For the first couple months I felt quite good, but then I was hit like a wave with many of my previous clonazepam withdrawal symptoms in late November. (Awful brain fog, delayed mental processing, head pressure, general malaise, huge inexplicable struggle to communicate and socialize naturally). They were nowhere near as bad as when I first stopped the Clonazepam years ago, but it was still emotionally devastating for me to have come so far in my healing and then see such a serious wave after playing with my Anafranil dose. After reading through this sub, I've realized how reckless the alternating nights method is, so I went to a compounding pharmacy and got my medication compounded into 18mg capsules (effectively matching the cumulative dosage of taking 3 25mg pills every 4 days). Right now, my symptoms are still present, although I'm still functional and able to live a relatively normal life. I just find it so strange that for years I was able to alternate my Anafranil dosage with minimal side effects, and doing it this past September has caused such major setbacks. My plan from here on out is to (1) stay away from all benzos at all costs (2) continue taking 18mg of Anafranil every night and wait to stabilize and heal further (3) cut my dosage by 10% once I feel like I've stabilized (4) continue this process until I'm off all medication altogether. I'm not really sure what I'm expecting to get by relaying this story, as at this point I've been through the wringer and realize that the only solution is staying the course, living a healthy lifestyle, and waiting it out. Any Comments, suggestions, or similar stories would be very helpful. I've read stories from people who've struggled with AD withdrawal and Benzo withdrawl separately, but hopefully I'm not the only one who's had a bad experience with both...is it normal for the effects and symptoms of multiple psych drugs to compound like this? How do I determine whether what I'm going through now is a prolonged effect of the benzo cold turkey or the Anafranil reduction? Thanks for your time. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
  17. I discovered about Cardiac Coherence one week ago and I thought it could be helpful. I started to reinstate Amitriptyline 25mg (30yrs use) 3 weeks ago after stopping cold turkey last October. My protocole now is 10mg am and 15mg night with some progress: 1st week-no sleep, 2nd week-slept 5 nights, 3rd week-slept 5 nights,4th week-slept Jan 11 only. No sleep since. So it could be Cardiac Coherence breathing which has excited my nervous system, yes? I’m 72 yrs old. Since last August, I lost all my bad eating habits, and lost weight, no more high blood pressure. So I thought I could stop Amitriptyline 25mg prescribed to me for insomnia in early 90’s. Few years ago, I took only 2/3 to sleep. I thought I could stop. I failed. Very bad side effects. Finally, I saw the light, and Amitriptyline reinstatement. And tonight, I stopped cardiac coherence breathing 3xday. I’ll update my progress. I've read some topics and will read more. I discover very needed new info every day. Thank you to all for contributing to this peer support forum.
  18. Hey Guys, m 24 years old.... I was prescribed escitalopram in 2014 10mg,then after my dose was reduced to 5mg...So in December 2017 I quit it without tapering, which m now learning was a big mistake..... Everything was fine till February 5th when I had my breakup.... Suddenly my brain started behaving differently..... I started feeling like everything is Getting away from me.... Anxiety came back.... Slowly slowly symptoms began to get worse.... I used to wake up in the middle of the night, felt like crying most of the time, loose motion, sweaty hands, chronic fatigue.... Now from the last three weeks I feel like my memory is fading, it's like I don't remember all these years wt actually happened, I do remember most of the things but it just feels like I don't remember them with all the feel.... So last week I went to see my psychiatrist and he said it's a relapse case.... I told him maybe it's the withdrawal symptom then he said they only last for 10-15 days..... AND told me to get back on 10mg again.... At night I took my first dose of 10mg, the next day in morning I started shivering and feeling cold..... I went to pee and felt like m gonna faint.... There was a burning sensation under the skin of my arms and back..... I decided not to take these meds.... So m asking you guys wt is the best thing for me to do now.... Should I reinstate with the small dose and then taper it down or just hope that everything gets better with time?
  19. I really can't go into many details right now, as I am in the midst of things. You guys can read my history. I had a mini nervous breakdown after a period of intense life threatening stress, with with a war of nerves from family members, strangers etc. etc. too long of a story. I was misdiagnosed with depression, then as you can read I was repeatedly attacked with drugs. At the moment I can't read a book, go out, hold a conversation... I used to be a computer whiz and I can't re-arrange a few folders on the computer, I am completely drained of any energy, I can't cook for myself, and I suffer from mental pain that ranges from the horrible, completely intolerable pain to the barely tolerable. I 've seen all facets of hell. I 've gone out 10 times in 8 months. I smoke tobacco like a chimney. I 'm terribly addicted to benzos.I am mortified by what I am reading about tardive dysphoria. ------------------------------ Invega 9mg tapered to zero over 6 months Levomepromazine 25mg for 3 months Citalopram raised from 20mg to 80mg over 3 months, at 80mg for 1 year and 5 months Venlaxafine raised from 150mg to 450mg over 3 months (after citalopram) maintained for 1 year and 2 months. Alprazolam from 0.5 to 7(!) mg due to the immense stress of the ads. Down to 2.5mg. Discontinued abruptly with almost no tapering within a week and a half, against all guidelines first the citalopram then the effexor. Moclobemide raised from 200mg to 800mg during a month and half discontinued with no tapering. Fluvoxamine and Venlaxafine 300mg and 450mg, abrupt start, no tapering in discontinuation. 30mg Mirtazapin at night. Currently on 2.5mg alprazolam, Diazepam 5mg for 1.5 months.
  20. I had been taking 10 mg of Prozac for about 4.5 years (Jan 2014-- Sept 2018) without any negative experience. Due to a pharmacy error my medicine was increased to 20 mg (Oct 2018)-I took for 1 month (unknowingly) but I did not take in Nov 2018 b/c felt uncomfortable on. Early Dec 2018 medicine prescription was increased to 40 mg (7 days at 30mg, then to 40mg). One month (Jan 2019) after the increase I developed hand tremors and noticed issues with cognition. The medicine was decreased to 30 mg (Jan 2019) and the tremors did cease. But continuing on 30 mg over the next 2 months (Feb-March 2019) the side effects still included cognitive issues- processing speed/retention/memory/following conversations AND in March I started to develop a strange headache/head pain/ heaviness in my head, neck stiffness, global facial muscle tightness, a strain on my ability to read, food sensitivity. I had not had any of these symptoms prior to the increase. At that point (end of March 2019) I wanted to discontinue Prozac. The doctor said I should try another SSRI and prescribed 25 mg of Zoloft (which I tried for 7 day--until early April 2019). I still preferred to discontinue with the meds. I did ask if tapering was necessary and I was informed no. I was told I did not need to worry. SO I DID STOP COLD TURKEY. I asked if symptoms would go away and I was told after stopping the medicine at most a month or two---I wouldn’t be experiencing anything. It has now been 4 months since stopping medicine (cold turkey) and I am still experiencing several issues that started after the higher dosage—for example the headache/head pain (like a weightiness in my head), a constant stiff right neck and lower right head region, facial muscle tightness, when speaking a tightness in the neck area and face feels tight, and a restrain on my ability to read (internally) whenever I try I feel head tension and tightness around eye muscles. It's like I experience a pressure/ tightness in back of head/ overall head & eyes when reading (internally) which affects pace/comprehension/retention and causes fatigue. Certain foods cause face to feel tight. And though some of the cognitive issues have improved, I still have some slower processing with certain things/ and the physical strain when reading. A new symptom that started shortly after stopping the medicine (off and on shock like feelings on the right side of my body that come and go randomly). Overall, the restrain on reading affects my ability to pursue educational and career goals. . summary: 10 mg prozac for about 5 years (no adverse effects). Increased to 40 mg prozac Dec 2018 (negative), then decrease to 30 mg (Jan 2019). Remained at 30mg until end of March 2019 (still adverse affects). Zoloft for one week until April (still adverse). Last day on medicine April 1st, 2019. Stopped medicine cold turkey. No tapering schedule. 4 months out--still adverse effects. At this point, I just want to get better.
  21. Hi all, I've lurked in the forum for a little while now but thought I'd finally introduce myself to give my bit to the community and hopefully track my progress too. I took citalopram 20mg for 6 months in the first half of 2018 to try to help with symptoms of generalised anxiety. I tapered (in what I now know to be a rather quick fashion) over about 10 weeks and hence have been antidepressant-free since August 2018, one year ago. Luckily, I never really suffered with many of the physical side-effects that many describe here, whilst on the drugs, tapering, and off the drugs. But the biggest thing for me by far has been the sense of blunted emotions, anhedonia and sexual dysfunction that has arisen. I noticed these increase gradually while I was on the meds, and then increase dramatically after coming off. Whilst on the meds and even tapering, my overall experience was mixed - whilst the dulled emotions and sex drive bothered me, my anxiety was definitely reduced and I did have more of a sense of resilience to difficulties. The problems really started once off the meds. I assumed that these side effects would go away once I was off, but they actually got significantly worse. Combined, they have really led to a real sense of having lost who I was. The loss of libido has been particularly upsetting, having had quite a high sex drive previously and sex having played an important part in my life. Almost as bad is the loss of enjoyment in music, which I simply don't experience in quite the same way any more. A phrase that resonated with me a little was that of listening to an orchestra, but with the strings and percussion missing. You hear the music, but it just doesn't quite seem full or right. Emotionally I feel less empathy and love which impacted my relationship. The anxiety has still been numbed, the one small positive. But everything is numb. With regards to my sex drive, it's not at 0%, and I do have windows where things seem better, but they feel so fleeting and hard to grasp onto. And often the more I chase these feelings (via porn, say) the further away they seem. Progress seems so painfully slow and there are definitely low periods where I feel like it's never going to recover. But there are times when I can be aroused somewhat by porn/sex and a few magical times where it seemed like everything was back to normal. Recreational drugs sometimes helped me feel something too, though clearly aren't any sort of long term solution. I have found forums like this a mixed blessing. There is an awful lot of negativity around, from people sadly in a very bad place, who have been suffering for 3/5/7/10 years etc who are convinced that this is permanent, they'll never recover, life isn't worth living etc. In my bad times it can be very easy to follow this line of thinking, look at the timescales involved and fall into despair. Nevertheless the forums have been an invaluable source of information and sometimes inspiration - I tend to try to focus on the success stories and positives rather than wallowing in the tough bits. I can completely understand why most people wouldn't want to hang around here when they feel as if they've recovered - they move on with their lives - and I'm convinced that there is a lot of unreported recovery. People don't stay in the hospital when they are better, as the saying goes. Also however painful and slow, it would just seem very surprising to me if anything like this was really permanent. Brains just don't work like that and they are capable of remarkable healing, given enough time. I've recently been in quite a bad wave, brought on to a large extent by difficulties in a relationship which has now sadly ended in quite a difficult and messy way. Though I feel numbed, the end of the relationship has clearly impacted me and in a sense I guess is manifesting itself in this complete anhedonia (rather than high anxiety, which it might have done pre-meds.) Though I feel horrifically numb and flat at the moment, it's all still a bit recent and I know that I need to give myself some time and a chance to heal from the break-up. Anyway - I'll try to pop back here to post any updates I have or answer any questions from fellow forum members. Variance
  22. Hi Brassmonkey. First let me thank you for your extremely helpful posts which have been a source of inspiration during my many low days. My story is that after what I would describe as a pretty stable life, I had some heart problems and experienced some unpleasant and mentally exhausting things in work that led to adrenal fatigue and chronic insomnia. I physically crashed in November 2016 and ended up on 50mg Sertraline. It took 2-3 months to stabilise my sleep and I phased back into work over 6 months. I was functioning in work but little more and was pretty much washed up by the weekends. In work I had terrible tinnitus and would have to hide places for 30 minutes once or twice a day to 'time out' to get the energy to survive the day. I'd crash on the couch after work each day and the weekends were mainly spent in bed. I came off the Sertraline in August 2017 CT, which didn't go well and my Doctor told me it was a return of the original symptoms. I know we've seen that story a lot in threads. By September I was back on Sertraline, but 25mg this time. The pattern in work continued with small incremental improvements in energy. 1 year later in August 2018, I decided to come off the Sertraline again, but this time I reduced the dose each day by unscientifically chipping a bit more off the tablets. I guess I'd describe it as a fast taper as I reduced from 25mg to zero over 10 weeks. My story since maps exactly what you have described in your posts. I had 3 really good days after my first '0' day and then the brain zaps, nausea and window & wave pattern started with a vengeance. I would say for a year I had a fairly predictable window/wave pattern, with most weekdays being fairly OK, certainly sharper than when I was on the drug but the weekend my crashes were worse. I figured it would improve with time, but after several months I didn't feel it was. I know my wife found it hard that I was not contributing to the family at weekends in particular. Eventually the opportunity came to take redundancy from work. My performance reviews had gone from exceptional to terrible and since work had been one of the triggers of the whole reason for going on Sertraline in the first place I decided to jump before I was pushed and give my body a chance to properly heal. I would say this was the start of a whole new phase. In the 7 months I've been off work I've experienced what you describe as the 8, 12 and 18 month intense waves, but at months 12,15, and 17. Between these month long painful events I've felt really really good. The 12 month wave was particularly bad - 5 weeks long and for 2 of them I was pretty much bedbound. I wonder if the intensity is partly because I've allowed myself the space and time to heal and the body is taking full advantage of that time. I'm currently in the middle of the 17 month one and am trying to suppress my frustration, since March was a really excellent month when I thought I might be finally over the worst. I was even getting ready to write my success story on this site when "Boom" it hit me. I guess my question is whether based on your experience and other posts is the question we all keep asking: "Am I nearly there?", but I think I already know the answer is that I'll have to wait to find out. Certainly things are improving, I rarely crash on the couch any more and sleep is much better. My wife says I'm improving and am much better company. It certainly feels like every wave is the body going into repair mode and each window is better than the last. I feel sharper, even in the waves. I can cope with short periods of anxiety and tinnitus as I know they will pass, but the nausea and head clicking are quite debilitating and prevent me being able to concentrate on much else. It's like a bad hangover. I suspect my body is healing from both the Sertraline and Burnout from Adrenal Fatigue and Chronic Insomnia (which I've read can also take years). So in summary, 3.5 years since my burnout, 2 years on Sertraline 2016-18, most of it at 25mg (half the smallest dose), FT over 10 weeks or so and now coming up for 18 months at 0 with the 12 & 15 month waves behind me and hopefully close to the end of the 17 month wave. Hoping to be in a place I can reliably function 7 days a week with manageable mild symptoms.
  23. G'day SA community My name is Anthony and I have been lurking on this site for a few weeks and thought it time that I start my contribution. And hopefully get some well needed support without being too selfish. I would firstly like to preface my intro by thanking all the members, staff, moderators and founders of this site. It is helping me get through a dark time in my life that I have never ever experienced before. And it has been and still is scary. My story is long (as is most sufferers) so I will do my utmost to be as concise yet brief as possible without losing the important information. I would also like to take the opportunity to thank Aeroman in particular as His success story is what I have needed and his time and investment in answering all the questions from the members relating to his journey has been inspiring to say the least. I won't go into the usual diatribe about how I suffered as a child in a dysfunctional home from physical, emotional and mental abuse of which was the case but my story is more about the incompetent people in white coats we see as all knowing, professional, caring and are in their chosen field because they like helping people and not the money! It all started when I was 21 years old. I had recently finished my apprenticeship with a National Manufacturer as a HVAC & R Technician (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning and Refrigeration) and was around two years into starting my own business. Things were going very well when all of a sudden and out of nowhere my heart started racing and I was feeling faint. It was fortunate and by coincidence that I was working next door to a Medical Centre. I literally crawled into the Medical Centre and was dragged by a lovely receptionist wo a consultation room. She got me glass of water and informed a doctor. Unfortunately by the time the doctor arrived my heart had suddenly reverted back to normal and I was feeling fine. Tired but, well. He did all the usual work up of tests, including a 24hr Holter monitor to check my heart but basically put it down to either dehydration (as it was the middle of summer here in Australia) or anxiety/stress. Anyway, I was given the all clear. A couple of years later, with out any warning, the same thing happened again. And then again. and then again and again and again. There would be sporadic episodes of this that would last from anywhere from 3 minutes to as long as three hours. It would also involve many Emergency Department visits, ambulance call outs, blood tests, tests for this or that, tests for something else more visits with a GP and yet nothing could be found other than that old chestnut. ANXIETY......STRESS......DEPRESSION. Duh...of course I'm stressed out, I am as anxious as all get up because I feel like my heart is either about to stop or beat so fast its going flop out of my chest.......and nobody can find what the...is wrong with me. So fast forward a couple more years and with still no answers I decided to start seeing psychologists, Chinese medicine Practioners, hypnotists, more GP's, more Psychologists, even a Psychiatrist who suggested the bad word.....Anti Depressants.........of which I have never been one to even take a paracetamol for a headache let alone nasty stuff like that. Well, they all promised they could resolve my anxiety and stress related heart problems but none of them ever did. I was eventually convinced by a psychologist (and my wife) to try Zoloft because I was one of those people that was either born with a chemical imbalance or I acquired one due to my childhood traumas. Well lets just say that those three days were what I thought at that time to be pure hell on earth. Stopped CT and straight in the bin with the free sample. With all the money I spent over the years I could have bought my own little Island retreat somewhere in the Pacific Islands. Fast Forward a few more years and continually dealing with my heart palpitations I got married, had two daughters, multiple businesses and generally a reasonably good time even though that this heart issue was hanging over my head constantly my Quality of Life was very restricted. Fast forward a few more years and Feeling pretty bad about this and being at that age where I wanted more out of life I hunted down a new GP who was the mother of my daughters best friend at school, I had known her a few years personally and my wife thought she would be able to help with this trouble that I was enduring. Well now is where trouble really starts but I did know that till recently. Into the first consultation and boom, out comes the Mental assessment questionnaire and what do you know, I have anxiety and stress bordering on depression. WTF? Being tired of all this I caved in, desperate for my heart to be normal I took the free sample of Lexapro with my tail between my legs, went home and told my wife who was ecstatic (in her defence she only wanted the best for me and a happy life with her husband and the big house and cars and white picket fence and she believed all the doctors saying I was mental blah blah blah). Sucked back my first tablet and went back to my life. Yeah, I thought my life was coming back and that these medicines really do work, why didn't I persist last time because I don't even think about my heart anymore.......A year down the track I went back to my doctor and told her that it feels like it wasn't working like it was 6 months ago, boom, up my dosed from 10mg to 20mg. Well well well, wouldn't you know it. 11pm on a Tuesday night I woke up, my heart was going crazy, I was ill, vomiting, fainting and feeling like I was going to die. Told myself to suck it up, it was all mental, I was mental, I have something seriously mentally wrong with me, the doctors and everyone said so.........three hours later I called for an ambulance, woke up my wife and kids and told them what was happening, my kids were freaking out......The ambulance arrived and as the paramedics came into my bedroom a thud and my heart slowed down to normal, I felt okay, all the stress and anxiety and ill feeling gone just like that. A two day stay in hospital with all the usual tests again and the doctor comes to see me, "Yep, unable to find anything, must be stress or anxiety". Great I thought. So much for Lexapro, time to get off this rubbish because I don't feel anything anymore, no fun, no anger, no happiness, nada......Two weeks later I tapered as per doctors advice and against her wishes I was off the AD's for good. Three months later I was back in her office begging for some relief, I was in bad shape, out of work and my wife again seriously wanted to go back on the meds or there would be repercussions maritally speaking. This time the Doctor said I now had Major Depression Disorder, those words alone stressed me out. Anyway, time to start the heavy hitting SNRI now, I was in bad shape she said..........Well two days later I ended up having another heart episode that was the worst I had ever had, I really thought that I was going to die, I screamed at my wife to call the ambulance, my kids started crying immediately, the Ambulance sent an Urgent care Hi-Priority paramedic who was in my bedroom hooking my with ECG leads all over my body, cannulas in both arms and then said quite casually..."It okay mate, no worries, your not dying....you got SVT. Just relax and Ill fix it for you in a minute I just have to get this ECG trace to show the docs and will get it done" What? SVT? Did I eat something bad, what is SVT. Isn't it anxiety? I asked the Paramedic. 'Nah" he says. Got nothing to do with anxiety. you may have anxiety from having this but having this is definitely not from anxiety" Anyway, a few valslva manoeuvres and a couple of jokes when the transport ambo turns up later I'm feeling quite calm. Off to the hospital for further tests and the Paramedics hang around for a while and with the Doctor explain to me what SVT is. Also known as PSVT (Paroxysmal Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). 24 years of my life chasing this, never not once did any medical or other professional suggest I go see a cardiologist but they were all too willing to take my money...............For those of you who don't know what PSVT is or don't want to use google, I had AVNRT (Atrio ventricular nodal re-entrant tachycardia) type of heart arrhythmia, there are several, of which I had an additional pathway next to my AV node causing my heart electrical conduction system to short circuit causing my heart to beat at extremely high rates which was captured on the ECG at 230bpm. Diagnosis meant that it was not life threatening, just very unpredictable and uncomfortable...No Joke! After my hospital stay I was referred to a cardiologist for follow but decided I should see my GP so I can stop the Prisitq because I have found out, after 24 years, that I am not mental, or at least the reason why I am a bit skiddish is because the actual heart problem. Again, my wife and GP convince me to stay on the Pristiq to just help get over the next couple of months until I sort out this heart arrhythmia and me, after all these years being brainwashed what did I do....I agreed, good idea, just to get me over the next hurdle because now I have to go and have a heart operation I need to be in the right mindset..............how stoopid am I? I am now back at home waiting to see the specialist cardiologist and everyday my mood is getting worse and worse. I am constantly crying, panicking, thinking I am going to die and I haven't even seen the cardiologist yet. This snowballs to the point that during my Consultation with the Cardio I was in a very bad emotional state my wife had to talk for me. When the Cardiologist found out I was on Prisitq he asked me why I was on this junk, I should get off it as quickly as possible, and medications like these are only for people who are in dire need of help and in Hospital. The Heart operation, Electrophysiology Study and Cather Abalation will resolve the heart issues and I won't have to worry about heart arrhythmias ever again. I informed him that my GP told me I needed to stay on them, well after that there was some correspondence back and forth from my Cardioligist and GP about this and finally my Cardiologist gave up. Operation day arrives and I go to the hospital, supposed to be a day procedure, should be home that night.......Two procedures and two weeks later I am sent home with some complications that the Electrophysiologist had some trouble sorting out. I wouldn't want to go into detail but I was an emotional wreck, my kids were destroyed emotionally as well I am happy to delve further into the complications during and after the procedure if anyone wants to know but, .Lets just say that I had almost, almost was going to have a pacemaker installed but thankfully it was found out that I had some complications from some "Medications" Namely a SNRI Pristiq. Basically I am still not right after three months and I am diagnosed with a condition called Inappropriate sinus tachycardia that needs to be controlled with some heart medications. Hopefully this will resolve with time. Nonetheless, I was totally traumatised by that event and I am struggling with it mentally still. So out of hospital I meet with my GP as I had lots of Chest pain, and irregular heartbeats etc etc and to finally get off the Prisitq. But no. now that I am in pretty much an uncontrollable state she suggests and refers me to a Psychiatrist to re-evaluate and possibly change medications and wants me to look at going to a Mental Hospital and to help get through the next few days while I am waiting for the Psych Doc appointment that I should start on Valium and Sleeping tabs to get me through. Wait, what. Now I'm treating this med with another med. Anyway, I'm so desperate ill do whatever......... Finally see the Psych doctor and she DSM's me as Panic Disorder only, stops the Pristiq immediately, but after three days break I need to start Lexapro again at 10mgs and then three days after that start 20mgs. Oh by the way, its because you have a chemical imbalance disease in your brain, you will need these the rest of your life, its like insulin for diabetics, most people are on these now, its what you need to live and get by........................................These nasty people play on your vulnerability!. Well I stopped the pristiq on a Wednesday. Thursday morning I woke up like a new person. No Crying, energy back, no dizziness, my heart was beating regularly and slowly and I felt brilliant. I told my wife that I didn't want to go on the Lexapro again but after some heated discussion, what she and the kids had been through recently and the potential issues going forward I handed my genitals back to her to put in her purse for safe keeping..........Start sucking those poison pills down again as directed by all those who had never been on this rubbish, two more weeks in bed feeling like death warmed up, headache, nausea, sore mouth, teeth sore everything, could not talk could not eat, that's when I woke up one morning and trashed the lot of pills in the bin. That was the day I Cold Turkey again Wrong move I know but boy, was I sick. The suicide ideation, the gory vivid dreams, the grim reaper and death is all thought about for those two weeks mixed in with insomnia. Well, I haven't recovered from these two weeks of Lexapro, they have changed something in me and I didn't get the relief I got from when I stopped Pristiq. This time Lexapro, only for two weeks has done something to me and I feel these withdrawal symptoms are going to take something special from me to get through...................These drug pushers need punishment for their actions. All these years of feeling intimidated by these charlatans and all along I had an issue that should have been resolved with a day procedure. Yes it was heart surgery nonetheless but still, my family and I are in a world of hurt now that was unnecessary. Thank You for letting me to get this out, I needed it. I am struggling with the WD side effects and I am concerned for the future and pain that is coming from this but I will no longer be controlled by these poison pills..........................
  24. Hey everyone.... I've had GAD and panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I've just dealt with it and called it a day. Work triggered more stress so I finally said something to my doc. My sleep hasn't been in the greatest. She put me on 10mg of Escitalopram/Lexapro. I started it on a Monday morning and on my way to work I had the worst head burning feeling of my life. I had to pull over. It was one big wave and stopped after a few minutes. Silly me thought this was just some strange side effect and it would wear off. The burning would come and go in waves, by Wednesday my bp was increased to 145/92. I also have Chronic kidney disease stage 2, so it's ideal to keep bp low and records of it. This was not normal for me...I run around 125/80. Fast forward to Friday evening. I felt off all day. Every emotion heightened, everything burning. My head down to my arms. My heart rate was around 115. I get home, try to relax. Around midnight I have the worst panic attack I've ever had. I fainted at the top of the stairs, they took me by ambulance. They check my bp and it's 180/110. They wouldn't say anything, just gave me a sedative and dismissed me around 2am. At 7am that morning, I wake up to my head on fire again. Back to the hospital I go...new ER doc looked at me and said I was having an adverse reaction to the Escitalopram. I could continue taking it or stop it and find something else. Well, fast forward to eight weeks later. I stopped it cold turkey. I'm back to doing yoga and meditation but my blood pressure has yet to fully return to normal. The head burning has decreased to only when I get a little stressed and constant aches and pains. I pretty much feel like I'm starting over at square one at coping with anxiety and living with it. My body is taking a super long time to heal. I know I have a good ways ahead of.me still.
  25. My stats: Male Age 19 Green eyes Good body 6ft tall Tall handsome looking for love, passion. Well endowed. Basically I've got a giant...whoopsss, wrong forum! Forgive me! Shame because I have got a massive....problem! Hi all! How are my fellow ssri buddies who are/were going toe to toe with these drugs? I'm new and here, and am here to talk about my withdrawal, Representing the many of us who have been lied too, deliberately forced, left in denial and lost are own true self to oblivion. For those of us who are pushing on forwards redeeming our full potential becoming the strongest version of our self. Because all of this is just experience really isn't it? We took these medications as a result of how we were feeling, a by-product of the demons we battle with inside us. Life tests us, these walls and road blocks that are put in front of us mould us. They make or break us. It is our choice if we choose to slide backwards or push on through. Anyhow! Enough of the dramatic, pretentious, opening introductory literature rubbish! Of which I am compensating for my tiny brain, But of which I hope some will find enlightening. I am no uneducated peasant Ill have you know my good sir! I do ramble don't I?! haha Anyway, I've had an underlying mood disorder, or mental illness...what ever you want to call it for as long as I can possibly remember. Bad anxity, OCD and deppression, cue violins and sympathetic music! But funnily enough I was convinced I hadn't. Up until last year I was sure that my problems were biological, Or perhaps a tad In denial when I look back! Even with the fact that both my parents and sister are on ssri of one sort or another who lack the emotional capacity of a butter knife and are practically robots... I respectively refuse to became chemically lobotomized and join your robo-cult! Anyways I dropped out of college down to extreme tiredness and lack of ability to think etc.. and turned to alcohol. More wine squire! vida did flowww! Unfortunately like pringles once you pop you cant stop! This didn't help obviously and promised myself that I would find out what was truly wrong with me. I went down the medical route. Unfortunately being a Brit unlike our trans atlantic cousins, with your 'medical insurance' and 'healthcare viewed as a consumer product' ensuring the patients health is treated optimally! Over here Its different. Although the healthcare is national and public for all, it is socialist in nature- I succeeded In avoiding the word communist their. I did this to avoid America breaking ties with our country ending are special relationship forever to associate us with extreme evil! Yes well here its here all about the functionality of the patient and spent over a thousand pounds going private to several doctors getting blood tests all under the sun to try and discover that mystery illness! The last doctor I went to admitted that biologically I was fine, which was ruled out that I had something psychology wrong with me and gave me the ssri citalopram 20mg as casually as that. How dare you! I have nether been more insulted In my entire life I Cried! How dare you give me the stigma of a mental illness! Not even an evaluation! This is immoral! inhuman! unethical! I shall not being subjected to this! I demand I see your doctors degree! Call the guards! Off with his head! Obviously that never happened. I simply got my meds and left. After taking them for 6 weeks with all manner of side effects that I won't go into now I stopped them. ended It. finished it. Because I didn't like who I was becoming... Because I didn't want to have to take a drug to escape reality instead of dealing with it myself! Redemption come within ma brothers! So I stopped cold turkey... Because I couldn't get any more tablets? Because I just didn't want anymore of this poison in my body? Or because I'm becoming a full time bad man? I don't know! haha I've been off for 5 weeks! cue applause! My withdrawl! 1st week vertigo, dizziness, headaches! mood swings! 2nd week, just dizziness and depression 3rd week improvement! 4th improvement! 5th week which Is what I'm In now! I've noticed I'm getting a lot of brain fog? Like It takes me longer to say what I wanted to say? Cognitively impaired and my short term memory is suffering! Very annoying and affecting my work! Any advice would be much appreciated on how to approach this thank you everyone for reading much love to you all and best of wishes! Ps. Big pharma you are a rotten cancer criminal organisation! Your deadly pills ravage the western world like a plague stealing the lives of people! You should all be shot at dawn!
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