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  1. Have been on a variety of antidepressants and antipsychotics since a teenager. Currently take Celexa 40mg and Abilify 20mg. Have a history of just going cold turkey off medications (didn't know better). The last time I went cold turkey was a few months ago. - At first felt ok. Then became irritable, groggy, had a lot of bizzare vivid dreams and depressed again. Felt Ok for a little bit again, then the depression came back with a vengeance and was getting suicidal. So I went back on my medications. This has been my experience every time I would go cold turkey. I would think that my depression is returning and that I need to medications. Just got the book "The antidpressant Solution" and "Anatomy of an Epidemic" in the mail today to read. Realize I have to slowly taper off the medication. My History: I was hit with depression and anorexia when I hit puberty at 11. I was fine before that. It seemed like overnight I got depressed. After my bout with anorexia my depression became very intense and painful from 12-14. Then it turned to apathy and I started having a lot of hallucinations. I hallucinated almost daily until I was 18 (I didn't take medications until I was 17) while I was struggling with depression, apathy, social anxiety, panic attacks. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks at 17. Given Lithium and reacted badly to that, shaking so much I couldn't even sit in a chair. I was afraid of taking any more medications after that experience. I refused medications in the hospital. After I was released I was required to go to therapy for 6 months. I finally agreed to try some medication. I took zoloft for a short period. It gave me this strange medicated numb feeling I didn't like so I went cold turkey. I couldn't get out of bed for a month and felt just awful. For a few years 1998-2003 or 2004, I didn't take any medications. I still had depression and very bad social anxiety, though my hallucinations and hearing things decreased a lot. Around 2004 my depression seemed to be getting worse and out of desperation I went to the hospital. They put me on Effexor, Seroquel, and clonazepam. Helped a little. But not much. They later put me of Adderall for ADHD. I had a bad reaction to that. I developed extremely bad short term memory, I'm not the angry type, and was angry all the time and irritable. I ended up getting taken away to the psych unit in the hospital for an angry outburst on Adderall in which I was kicking furniture and screaming in a lobby. Something totally out of character for me. I can't even remember what I was screaming or upset about. They knocked me out with Seroquel and let me go the next day but said I had Borderline Personality Disorder and that it wasn't due to adderall. I knew it was the adderall. I just went cold turkey after that and I can't remember if it was just from adderall or all the medications because my memory was so bad. For over a month I was sick, vomiting almost daily and went to the hospital a couple of times for dehydration. I didn't know it could or was withdrawals, I thought I had a stomach problem. I spent most of the time sleeping because I felt so awful. 2005-2009 I went to a new clinic. They changed my medications. Cymbalta, Celexa and ability. These medications seem to work at ridding my depression and anxiety, so I took them for a while. But sometimes I would try to go off them cold turkey to try natural methods instead and would end up getting depressed again. 2010-Present, on just Celexa and Abilify but can't seem to come off, every time I would go cold turkey the depression comes back with a vengeance. Feel stuck and dependent on these meds. I feel better on the medications but also a little numb and dumbed down. I would like to try a natural diet a exercise to treat my depression etc. My family has a history of Mental illness, so it's hard for me to know if my depression is circumstantial or a real lifelong condition but either way I want to to try to treat it with a natural diet/lifestyle.
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